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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,175
[phone ringing]
[Gwen's music playing]
2
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,212
[phone ringing]
[Gwen's music playing]
3
00:00:05,212 --> 00:00:06,799
[phone ringing]
[Gwen's music playing]
4
00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:09,250
[running footsteps]
5
00:00:09,285 --> 00:00:11,666
- Metropolitan Sexual
Health, Dr. Marsh speaking.
6
00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:14,807
- Langdon, this is Graft.
I'm five minutes away.
7
00:00:14,842 --> 00:00:18,018
At least I was when I
called five minutes ago.
8
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,019
- Minimize!!
9
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:22,022
Ms. Graft, how wonderful to see
you.
10
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,266
- Okay, we have a situation
we need to discuss
11
00:00:25,301 --> 00:00:26,992
which could affect the
future of this clinic
12
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,546
and the very fabric of the
Sexual Health Industry.
13
00:00:31,169 --> 00:00:32,756
- A celebrity!
14
00:00:32,791 --> 00:00:35,380
A celebrity has an appointment
at Metro Sexual today.
15
00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:39,625
It could be anyone. It could be
the Queen.
16
00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,594
I mean, I know it's not, but...
17
00:00:43,215 --> 00:00:44,837
What if it is?
18
00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:48,186
[hums 'Rule Britannia']
19
00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,293
- Whoever it is, I'm
going to see them. Hm?
20
00:00:52,328 --> 00:00:53,294
[Langdon giggles]
21
00:00:53,363 --> 00:00:54,192
Why?
22
00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:59,542
- I've gotta say, I loved 'The
Crown'.
23
00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:01,613
I just thought, what a life!
24
00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:03,442
[laughs]
25
00:01:03,442 --> 00:01:06,342
- [sighs] Yeah. It's for the
best.
26
00:01:06,376 --> 00:01:09,379
[upbeat music]
27
00:01:27,432 --> 00:01:30,159
- Now Gwen, celebrities
love telling the paparazzi
28
00:01:30,193 --> 00:01:32,713
about their most intimate
experiences, so when he
29
00:01:32,747 --> 00:01:34,922
or Her Majesty comes in
offer them the good chairs.
30
00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:35,957
Not the stained ones.
31
00:01:35,992 --> 00:01:37,442
- Got it. No jizz seats.
32
00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,375
- Now, in terms of valet
parking,
33
00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:40,617
[bell rings]
34
00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:41,722
obviously we don't have an
official policy, but I thought
35
00:01:41,756 --> 00:01:43,620
that obviously the corgies
are gonna come in first,
36
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:45,588
all right?
- Hi?
37
00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:49,212
I ... have an appointment.
38
00:01:49,247 --> 00:01:50,144
- I'm sorry?
39
00:01:50,213 --> 00:01:52,042
We're trying to have a
conversation here.
40
00:01:52,077 --> 00:01:54,390
- Yes, you were saying
about the valet service...
41
00:01:54,459 --> 00:01:55,805
- Yes, the valet service--
42
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:58,911
- Sorry [laughs] I'm a new
patient.
43
00:01:58,946 --> 00:02:01,328
I've just been referred here.
44
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,021
- That?
45
00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:06,988
That is not a celebrity, okay?
46
00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:08,645
A celebrity is someone you see
47
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,338
and immediately want to
throw up on, like Fifi Box
48
00:02:11,407 --> 00:02:14,548
or that kid who played
Bronson in 'Round the Twist'.
49
00:02:14,582 --> 00:02:16,308
I have no idea who that is.
50
00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:19,553
[shriek]
51
00:02:19,587 --> 00:02:21,279
[heavy breathing]
52
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:32,013
[clattering]
53
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,188
- I don't normally get
starstruck
54
00:02:34,223 --> 00:02:37,260
but out there is Alicia Noble,
yeah?
55
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,609
THE. Alicia. Noble.
56
00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:47,374
Alright, next up I've got an
Alicia.
57
00:02:47,443 --> 00:02:49,445
Is there an Alicia Noble here?
58
00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,102
- Hey, Dr. Huddleston, I
presume?
59
00:02:58,419 --> 00:03:00,559
- She knows my name...
60
00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:02,078
[laughs]
61
00:03:02,078 --> 00:03:03,459
[clears throat]
62
00:03:03,493 --> 00:03:05,185
Play it cool Steph.
63
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:12,433
So, it was Alicia, was it?
Alicia Noble?
64
00:03:12,468 --> 00:03:14,573
- Yeah, but you can call me Al.
65
00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:18,577
- Ohh. And, what is it
that you do, Alicia Noble?
66
00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:20,200
- I work in radio.
67
00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:21,753
- Oh, that's cool!
68
00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:24,100
Like the ... like the kind
that you listen to, eh?
69
00:03:24,134 --> 00:03:26,413
- [Laughs] Yeah, that's the one.
70
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:29,174
- Ah, you seem like you'd
have a really good voice
71
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,660
for a station with a niche
but very dedicated fan base.
72
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,698
5am to 8am every weekday
morning, perhaps?
73
00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:38,079
- Actually, that's exactly what
I do.
74
00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:41,324
- Is it really? Oh wow, that's
great.
75
00:03:41,324 --> 00:03:43,913
I'll have to ... have to
have a listen sometime!
76
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:56,305
- So, I've had a little bit
of...
77
00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:57,616
you know, like...
78
00:03:57,616 --> 00:04:00,067
A little bit of a...
79
00:04:00,136 --> 00:04:02,621
So I thought I should get it
checked out.
80
00:04:02,656 --> 00:04:04,554
I mean, you know, it's
probably just thrush
81
00:04:04,623 --> 00:04:09,214
but ... peace of mind and all
that.
82
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:14,495
- Well, we'll get you checked
out then, no problem. A...
83
00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:16,601
- Al.
84
00:04:16,635 --> 00:04:21,640
- ...Licia Noble. Is your name.
85
00:04:24,954 --> 00:04:25,851
- [Breathes] Okay.
86
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:26,818
You hot?
87
00:04:26,818 --> 00:04:28,060
I'm a little bit...
88
00:04:28,095 --> 00:04:30,994
- It's um... No, I'm okay.
89
00:04:31,029 --> 00:04:34,688
- [Breathes] Okay. I just
feel...
90
00:04:34,722 --> 00:04:35,896
Ugh, I feel...
91
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:37,207
ill!
92
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,280
[drum beats]
93
00:04:42,454 --> 00:04:45,733
- Just got the results back
for Alicia Noble's test
94
00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:51,360
and she doesn't have
thrush. She's got chlamydia.
95
00:04:52,222 --> 00:04:55,018
Hi, Alicia [clears throat]. Have
a seat.
96
00:04:56,641 --> 00:05:02,163
You've tested positive
to life and chlamydia.
97
00:05:03,372 --> 00:05:05,443
[door opens]
98
00:05:11,759 --> 00:05:14,969
- So, it's just thrush, right?
99
00:05:15,004 --> 00:05:18,179
- Well, actually you have...
100
00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:26,153
You have thrush. It's just
thrush.
101
00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:29,052
- [laughs] Thank God, that's a
relief.
102
00:05:29,087 --> 00:05:31,296
- Gotta 'crush that thrush!'
103
00:05:31,296 --> 00:05:32,815
[laughs nervously]
104
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:33,643
- Okay?
105
00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:35,093
- Yeah I must go now.
106
00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:39,304
- Have you got funeral
insurance, Phil?
107
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,927
Your results came back
and we better get you
108
00:05:41,962 --> 00:05:43,550
to the hospital as soon as
possible
109
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,414
because you have the worst case
of--
110
00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:46,932
[door opens]
111
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,003
- You. Get out.
112
00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:50,936
I need help with the celebrity.
113
00:05:50,971 --> 00:05:51,972
- Not a celebrity.
114
00:05:52,006 --> 00:05:53,836
- She's got chlamydia.
115
00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:56,045
- Yeah, just give her a
script for Azithromycin.
116
00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,046
Everyone's happy.
117
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,944
- But I told her she has thrush.
118
00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:01,015
- What?! Steph, why?
119
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:03,570
- I don't know. It just came
out.
120
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,192
I didn't want to disappoint her.
121
00:06:05,226 --> 00:06:06,296
- What do you think's going to
happen
122
00:06:06,331 --> 00:06:08,402
when she tells Graft you lied?
123
00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:11,371
- What if she talks
about it on Country FM?
124
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,199
- Country FM?
125
00:06:12,233 --> 00:06:14,443
- What am I going to do?
126
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,791
Why are you still here?
127
00:06:19,033 --> 00:06:22,209
- Phil! Gee - I am so sorry.
128
00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:28,008
[knock on door]
129
00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:29,147
- Hello?
130
00:06:29,216 --> 00:06:31,874
- Hi, Ms. Noble. There's
just an extra section of this
131
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:35,774
medical form I forgot to
get you to fill out, please.
132
00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:38,467
- This whole section is drawn in
pen.
133
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,400
- Yeah, the printer's down.
134
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:43,230
- Are these really relevant
details?
135
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:47,027
Favorite swimwear?
Hughesy's contact details?
136
00:06:47,096 --> 00:06:49,478
This one just says "Any Goss?"
137
00:06:49,512 --> 00:06:53,965
- Yeah, it helps the doctors
with whatever they do,
138
00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:55,173
you know?
139
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,002
- Okay...
140
00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:03,595
- So, when Kerry O'Brien came
in,
141
00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:05,908
I filled the room with camomile
candles,
142
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:08,358
I poured him some tea,
I looked him in the eye
143
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:13,363
and said "Kerry, I know
Orchitis is painful,
144
00:07:13,743 --> 00:07:16,090
but with a prescription of
Ciprofloxacin
145
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,885
we'll be able to get
your testicles back down
146
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:20,440
to their normal size in no
time."
147
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:26,687
- Thank you.
148
00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:29,759
Thank you so much.
149
00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:33,453
[door opens]
150
00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:37,318
[Alicia laughs]
151
00:07:40,218 --> 00:07:43,359
[Country music plays]
152
00:07:45,637 --> 00:07:47,777
- So I'm in the clear, right?
153
00:07:47,812 --> 00:07:51,160
- Um. Not ... not quite.
154
00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:53,369
- What do you mean "not quite"?
155
00:07:53,403 --> 00:07:56,510
- Well, on second opinion--
156
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:58,685
- Whose second opinion?
157
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,272
- My second opinion.
158
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:05,830
It's a funny story really.
You'll laugh [laughs].
159
00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:11,629
Not quite a mix-up but
more of a lying situation.
160
00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:15,598
Um...
161
00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:16,599
Al--
162
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:17,876
- Alicia.
163
00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:20,638
- You have...you have Chlamydia.
164
00:08:22,122 --> 00:08:24,089
Surprise...
165
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:29,336
- [Gasps] Why did you say I had
thrush?!
166
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:30,924
- I didn't want to make you mad.
167
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:32,615
- You didn't want to make...
168
00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:35,342
You are the worst doctor!!
169
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:38,966
[door slams]
170
00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:41,624
[country music still plays]
171
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:43,350
[drum beat]
172
00:08:51,082 --> 00:08:53,498
- Look, we got there in the end.
173
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:57,398
Fortunately, I know a lot about
Alicia,
174
00:08:57,467 --> 00:09:00,988
thanks to listening to her
show fanatically for years.
175
00:09:01,057 --> 00:09:03,439
Did I use that knowledge to my
advantage?
176
00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:04,647
Maybe.
177
00:09:04,647 --> 00:09:08,478
Did I learn that Alicia
is just a regular person?
178
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:10,791
But a really cool regular
person?
179
00:09:12,897 --> 00:09:14,450
Definitely.
180
00:09:14,484 --> 00:09:17,073
[street noise]
181
00:09:17,522 --> 00:09:23,148
- So, how did it go with the
celebrity?
182
00:09:23,148 --> 00:09:25,185
- Went great [laughs].
183
00:09:25,185 --> 00:09:27,359
We heard her radio show this
morning
184
00:09:27,394 --> 00:09:31,122
and she said it was ultimately
a truly professional,
185
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:33,607
uplifting, lie-free experience.
186
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,023
- Sorry, what radio show?
187
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:37,542
- Alicia Noble's.
188
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,649
- Who is that? That...
that's not a celebrity.
189
00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:42,029
Nobody looks up to her.
190
00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:43,272
- I--
191
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:46,896
I was talking about Philip Dudd,
192
00:09:46,931 --> 00:09:48,864
marketing salesman of the year
193
00:09:48,898 --> 00:09:51,763
at the Melbourne Industry
Leaders expo.
194
00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:56,250
No? Oh, please tell me that
you looked after him properly.
195
00:09:56,285 --> 00:09:57,942
- Philip...
196
00:09:58,874 --> 00:09:59,702
Phil...
197
00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:03,395
Oh, no.
198
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,190
- What do you mean "Oh, no"?
199
00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:11,231
- Hello dear. Still on
my way home, I'm afraid.
200
00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:12,232
The traffic's Hell.
201
00:10:14,199 --> 00:10:15,028
What's that?
202
00:10:16,098 --> 00:10:19,066
You're standing next to my car
203
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:22,311
outside the sexual health
clinic?
204
00:10:22,311 --> 00:10:23,277
Ah! [laughs]
205
00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:25,245
I see.
206
00:10:28,524 --> 00:10:30,250
Shit.
207
00:10:30,284 --> 00:10:33,149
[upbeat music]
208
00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:38,914
- Without a doubt, the most
common STI in Australia is--
209
00:10:38,948 --> 00:10:40,191
- Chlamydia.
210
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:43,366
- And in women, the infection
can often show no visible--
211
00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,058
- Symptoms. Stop that.
212
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:46,680
If Chlamydia is left unchecked,
213
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,614
it can be really damaging,
and sometimes even lead
214
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,615
to infertility.
215
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,720
- Which is why,
216
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,067
even if you have no
obvious symptoms of an STI,
217
00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:56,690
regular sexual health
checkups are so important.
218
00:10:56,725 --> 00:11:00,314
[upbeat music]
15108
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