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1
00:00:01,725 --> 00:00:03,624
[phone rings]
2
00:00:03,658 --> 00:00:07,283
- Hello, and welcome to
Metropolitan Sexual Health.
3
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:10,665
This is the reception area,
where our patients wait.
4
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:13,875
Lots of nervous energy in this
room.
5
00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:18,535
Is it a staph infection,
is it syphilis, who knows?
6
00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:21,504
Well, of course we know,
usually.
7
00:00:22,746 --> 00:00:24,438
This is our receptionist, Gwen.
8
00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:29,684
Gwen has been with us for one
month now.
9
00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:32,791
How are you liking it?
10
00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:34,827
- Yeah, it's good.
11
00:00:35,725 --> 00:00:36,726
- Passion.
12
00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:40,937
This is one of our
numerous emergency exits.
13
00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:43,595
[doorknob rattles]
[Langdon grunts]
14
00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:46,494
And this is Dr. Huddleston's
office.
15
00:00:46,563 --> 00:00:47,495
[door opens]
[woman screams]
16
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:48,531
- Langdon, get out!!
17
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,016
[door slams shut]
- Oh my God! What the Hell?!
18
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:52,707
How could you not lock the door?
19
00:00:52,742 --> 00:00:54,123
- She might not have noticed.
20
00:00:54,502 --> 00:00:57,195
[upbeat music]
21
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,077
[students chatting]
22
00:01:20,149 --> 00:01:22,289
Schoolies is always a busy time
for us.
23
00:01:22,289 --> 00:01:24,946
And this year, we've hit
the mother flippin' jackpot.
24
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:29,089
[clears throat] Tyson?
25
00:01:30,573 --> 00:01:33,196
- Resort full of teens have
come down with syphilis,
26
00:01:33,231 --> 00:01:34,542
you know how it is.
27
00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:39,340
Sun, sea, alcohol, life dreams
that are yet to be crushed.
28
00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:41,791
It's good timing actually.
29
00:01:41,825 --> 00:01:44,207
Miranda Graft, our boss
from the Health Department,
30
00:01:44,207 --> 00:01:45,415
is here today.
31
00:01:45,415 --> 00:01:47,107
Makes us look busy.
32
00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:50,627
[sighs] Hard Graft.
33
00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:53,527
That's what we call her
when she's not around.
34
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:58,739
- Langdon, Steph - Hard
Graft wants to see you.
35
00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:05,815
- I don't want you two to see
me as some kind of ogre, okay?
36
00:02:05,849 --> 00:02:09,301
I'm no better than you,
as a physical person.
37
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:13,063
Obviously, in terms of
institutional hierarchy,
38
00:02:13,098 --> 00:02:14,996
I am much better.
39
00:02:15,065 --> 00:02:18,103
Now, over the coming
months I'm going to be
40
00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:21,417
conducting rounds of all the
inner city health clinics.
41
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:24,282
So ... you know.
42
00:02:24,316 --> 00:02:26,698
Just pretend like I'm not here.
43
00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:28,389
'Kay?
44
00:02:28,424 --> 00:02:29,183
- Okay.
45
00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:33,567
- It's no secret that
there have been severe cuts
46
00:02:33,601 --> 00:02:34,844
to the Health Department
47
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,226
and with that certain
sacrifices have to be made.
48
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:38,158
'Kay?
49
00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:41,230
Is the future of this clinic in
jeopardy?
50
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,025
Yes.
51
00:02:49,341 --> 00:02:51,481
- She gonna be around all day?
52
00:02:51,516 --> 00:02:54,104
- Yeah, but at least she gets
53
00:02:54,139 --> 00:02:55,899
to see me diagnose the
most syphilis today.
54
00:02:55,899 --> 00:02:57,556
[snorts]
55
00:02:57,591 --> 00:02:58,626
- What's that?
56
00:02:58,695 --> 00:02:59,938
- You think you're gonna
diagnose
57
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,767
more syphilis than me today?
58
00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:03,286
- Um, yeah.
59
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,807
- 50 bucks says you don't.
60
00:03:08,015 --> 00:03:11,674
- Interesting, and for the
loser?
61
00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:14,849
- The loser has to see
Mr. Brierson tomorrow.
62
00:03:16,368 --> 00:03:20,269
Ah. Smelly Brie, more cheese
than man.
63
00:03:21,131 --> 00:03:24,549
But honestly, he has the
worst personal hygiene.
64
00:03:24,549 --> 00:03:28,311
If Langdon has to see him,
he'll probably ugly cry.
65
00:03:30,451 --> 00:03:32,591
That would be nice to see.
66
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,697
- It is important to
make a good impression
67
00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:36,250
with Graft, yes.
68
00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:38,010
But it's also very important to
prove
69
00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:41,221
that I'm the best doctor
in the world, ever.
70
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,361
And avoid Mr. Brierson.
71
00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,949
I have a very sensitive nose.
72
00:03:46,950 --> 00:03:49,953
[students chatting]
73
00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:52,508
- Alright, listen up.
74
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:56,132
Which one of you thinks
they have syphilis?
75
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,136
Okay, you, with me.
76
00:04:00,136 --> 00:04:02,276
- Ah, thank you doctor.
77
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,210
There are a few things I'd
like to talk to you about.
78
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,454
When I orgasm, my wife sneezes.
79
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:09,283
Number seven is, y-yesterday I
went...
80
00:04:09,318 --> 00:04:11,251
I went to the zoo
81
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,355
and I was holding a koala
82
00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:15,289
and it looked me in the eye
knowingly.
83
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:16,946
Do I have chlamydia now?
84
00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:21,226
Ah, thank you. Number eight is
that,
85
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,953
what I wanted to do was
to check if you could,
86
00:04:23,953 --> 00:04:25,265
ah...
87
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:30,787
- No time wasters today.
88
00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:35,413
- One clear symptom in the early
stages
89
00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:38,692
of syphilis is this painless
ulcer called a chancre
90
00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:42,834
which if present, means you
almost certainly have...
91
00:04:44,491 --> 00:04:45,768
Yes!
92
00:04:46,389 --> 00:04:48,011
- Oh thank God.
93
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,116
I'm okay?
94
00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:51,152
- Oh, no.
95
00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:52,533
No - I found one.
96
00:04:52,568 --> 00:04:53,396
A chancre.
97
00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:56,951
I've just got a wager going with
my...
98
00:04:57,814 --> 00:04:59,954
Yeah, you have syphilis.
99
00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:06,547
And I have another star.
100
00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:08,308
- Mum!
101
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,932
I got it from a toilet seat, I
swear.
102
00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:16,039
- Toilet seat.
103
00:05:17,765 --> 00:05:19,180
- Think it's probably best
104
00:05:19,215 --> 00:05:22,322
that we have a little bit of a
chat now.
105
00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:25,221
- Just pretend I'm not here.
106
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:29,708
- So you didn't use a condom
107
00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:31,641
while you were having
intercourse?
108
00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:34,368
- I mean, we don't really do
condoms.
109
00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:37,129
Plus I heard they make you
sterile or fertile or something.
110
00:05:37,164 --> 00:05:38,130
- Well, that's b...
111
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:43,308
A lot of research has
gone into the benefits
112
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,896
of using a condom.
113
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:46,000
[cellphone rings]
114
00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:47,623
- Ooh! Sorry.
115
00:05:47,692 --> 00:05:48,520
Excuse me.
116
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:50,936
Yes, this is Graft.
117
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:57,080
- I am this close to calling
your mum
118
00:05:57,115 --> 00:06:00,670
and your dad and putting down
your dog.
119
00:06:00,705 --> 00:06:02,638
- [Graft on phone] No, no, no,
no, no.
120
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:06,193
- Steph knows someone in
pathology
121
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:08,713
who's prioritizing her samples
122
00:06:08,713 --> 00:06:10,853
but I don't even need to do
tests.
123
00:06:10,922 --> 00:06:12,958
Chancres are a dead giveaway.
124
00:06:12,993 --> 00:06:15,547
And I'm getting pretty
good at finding them.
125
00:06:15,582 --> 00:06:17,273
I can even do two at once.
126
00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:19,275
Hey, how ya goin'?
127
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:22,209
Been good weather, hasn't it?
128
00:06:22,243 --> 00:06:24,073
How'd you like that Stephy?
129
00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:30,355
Uh oh!
130
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:34,255
Eight, nine, ten!
131
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:37,638
Well, I don't know how to put
this.
132
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:41,780
I hope you like your cheeses
soft.
133
00:06:42,332 --> 00:06:43,333
[intercom crackles]
134
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:47,199
- Um, Langdon, you better get
out here.
135
00:06:47,234 --> 00:06:49,409
- She wants to congratulate me.
136
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,585
- I need to see the inept
amateur who saw my son
137
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:54,966
and I need to see him now.
138
00:06:56,692 --> 00:06:57,969
Excuse... I can see what you're
doing!
139
00:06:58,003 --> 00:06:59,315
Are you Dr. Marsh?
140
00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:00,592
- Well, yes.
141
00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:03,008
- You misdiagnosed my son.
142
00:07:03,077 --> 00:07:04,354
We got a second opinion.
143
00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,702
He doesn't even have syphilis.
144
00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:08,980
Did you even examine him
properly?
145
00:07:09,014 --> 00:07:11,948
- I uh... had a solid glance!
146
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:15,642
- Oh, oh, I thought you said
it was so easy to diagnose,
147
00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:17,575
you could do it with your eyes
closed.
148
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,578
Do you remember that?
149
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:22,614
- Oh, is that the latest
medical technique?
150
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:24,444
- Well--
151
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,272
- Did you study for that?
152
00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:26,100
Did you go to university?
153
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,032
Do you have a degree?
154
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,378
- Do I have a degree?
155
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:33,314
I have a whole wall of
qualifications that Stephy has
seen.
156
00:07:33,314 --> 00:07:35,489
- Yeah. He's got a couple of
Cert IVs.
157
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,353
- Okay, right.
158
00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:40,770
The receptionist has been
having calls like this all day.
159
00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:43,117
This is not the first patient
that you've got wrong.
160
00:07:43,152 --> 00:07:44,464
- The receptionist has a name.
161
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:46,017
- Shh!
162
00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:48,640
Now I wouldn't call that
a very efficient practice,
163
00:07:48,675 --> 00:07:50,021
would you?
164
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,130
- I may have got a bit carried
away.
165
00:07:56,199 --> 00:08:00,065
- Ah, goodbye smelly Brie.
166
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:02,758
Oh!
167
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,345
[sniffing]
168
00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:06,140
Can you smell that?
169
00:08:07,556 --> 00:08:09,937
[drum beat]
170
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:20,983
Morning poppet, come up with the
goods?
171
00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:28,887
[Steph hums happily]
172
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:36,792
Yes, I'd say that everyone
did learn something yesterday.
173
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:38,725
I learnt that I'm better than
Langdon.
174
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,971
- Mr. Brierson, how are you
today?
175
00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:49,011
- And Langdon, well, let's just
say pride
176
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:51,669
cometh before a fall.
177
00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:55,811
[vomiting noises]
178
00:08:57,847 --> 00:08:59,539
[more vomiting noises]
179
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,645
[upbeat music]
180
00:09:05,234 --> 00:09:07,857
- More people are catching
STIs than ever before.
181
00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:09,859
So if you're sexually
active, you should be looking
182
00:09:09,894 --> 00:09:12,552
to get tested every three to 12
months.
183
00:09:12,621 --> 00:09:15,382
- How often you get tested
depends on a number of factors.
184
00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:18,627
Including number of partners,
the kinds of sex you have
185
00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:20,870
and how often you use
protection.
186
00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:23,666
Your sexual health clinic or
GP can give you more advice
187
00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:25,185
on how often you should be
tested.
188
00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:27,601
- Yeah, and STI checks
aren't just reserved
189
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,396
for when you find something
dodgy on your bod,
190
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,847
because a lot of them don't
have visible symptoms.
191
00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:35,091
- STI tests are a normal
part of a healthy sex life.
192
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,473
- And you get to meet cool
people like us!
193
00:09:37,542 --> 00:09:40,649
- Oh, don't wanna put them off.
194
00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:45,619
[upbeat music]
13712
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