All language subtitles for Fosse Verdon S01E06 All I Care About Is Love 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-MZABI_track4_[eng]

(sitar music playing)

-(drumbeat)
-(fanfare)

FX presents Fosse/Verdon.

[projector whirring]

- You see, the trouble is
is that we all live

in a happy ending culture.

A "what should be" culture
instead of

a "what is" culture.
[heartbeat percussion]

We're all taught that fantasy.

But if we were taught
"this is what is,"

I think we'd be
less screwed up.

- No, no, get me out
of the close-up.

Why are we in
the close-up here?

- You said the medium
made you want to puke.

- Well, I must say,
now I'm actually puking, Alan,

so clearly it's gone
from bad to worse

and I'm still in the close-up.

- We'll fix it.
- Maybe we just cut it.

- But it's one of
his best speeches.

- [indistinct]
Because she didn't stay!

- Should have just played
the part myself.

- Fuck it, man!
She didn't stay!

People don't stay.

No, people don't stay.

[knocking on door]
[door opens]

- Uh, your phone's
off the hook.

- That's
on purpose.

Oh, yes, just come in.

Turn him off, please.

[talking stops
mid-sentence]

I scheduled a quick meeting.
- All right.

I'll get some fresh air.
- No, no, no, get me the wide.

What's the next thing
on the list?

- Uh, looking for it.

- We've been calling
and calling

and nobody knew
which floor you were on,

so we've been knocking
on every door

like a bunch
of Jehovah's Witnesses.

- Put the phone back, please!
- No, leave the phone.

Leave the phone off.

Those schmucks from the studio
are gonna call.

- Okay, so let's talk artwork.

Everything they brought us
was magnificent.

You know the team over there.

We've narrowed it down

[phone rings]
to these...three, four, five.

- Uh, the credits
are all comped in for now,

so ignore those.
- Hello?

- I know which one I like,

and it's the same
as John and Freddy.

- All right,
I think this will work.

- Bob, it's David Picker.
- What'd I tell you?

This--this fucking studio.

This is why the phone
has to stay off the hook.

- What do you think
about the fans?

- I've almost got this up, Bob.
- He says it's urgent.

- Want me to play it
once it's up?

- We have to get
a final design to the printer

a week from yesterday.
- What do you want me

to say, Bob?

[overlapping chatter]

- Bob.
[chatter continues]

[rising tense music]

[microphone feedback]

- Guy walks into
a doctor's office.

Have you heard this one?

Guy walks in and says,

"Doc, I think I'm under
too much pressure.

"The wife, the kids, work.

It's too much."

Doctor says,
"What makes you think that?"

Guy says, "Well, I sat
on the toilet the other day

and a 10-karat diamond
shot out of my ass."

[scattered laughter]

I've been under some pressure
myself, recently.

Truth be told, in fact,
I'm under so much pressure

I'm worried I might start
losing my hair.

[rim shot]

I just finished directing
a picture called "Lenny."

The film's the story
of Lenny Bruce, comedian.

Never got the recognition
he deserved--

drug addict, adulterer.

Shit father, shit husband.

Boy, oh, boy.

If I could only relate
to this guy.

Here's one for you: what do you
call an eight-week movie shoot

turns into a six-month
movie shoot?

A Bob Fosse picture.

[rim shot]

[laughs]
See, there's that pressure.

My girlfriend complains,

"You don't spend time
with me anymore."

I say, "We spend all sorts
of time together."

"It's not the same
as it used to be," she says.

"You're always distracted."

What does everyone expect?
I got a lot on my plate.

Brand-new musical
to make out of thin air.

[sighs]

You think producers are a pain
in the ass, try composers.

You criticize one note,

they act like you're the
asshole who poisoned Mozart.

Try writers.

You don't say everything
they do is fabulous

they melt like
the Wicked Witch of the West.

Criticize one word,
they look at you

the way Ethel Rosenberg
looked at her executioner.

Hurt.

But if you want to make a show,
the actors need words to say.

The singers need notes to sing.

And you're stuck
needing writers.

It's a racket.

Oh, and have I mentioned

who the star of said musical
happens to be?

A star whose contract
gives her approval

over every aspect
of the production

from the lyrics
to the set

to the casting to the...
[coughing]

You guessed it,
the God damn poster design.

And it builds.

The pressure,
it builds and it builds...

this pressure,
builds and builds.

- You see, the trouble is
is that we all live

in a "happy ending" culture.

- Where does it all go?

- [moaning]
- A "what should be" culture

instead of
a "what is" culture.

- [coughs]
[intense music]

- But if we were taught
"this is what is"...

- [coughing]
- This is what is.

[overlapping voices]

- [moans] Oh!

[overlapping chatter]
[music intensifies]

[heartbeat thumping]

- Oh!
[noise increases]

Stop!

I'll call him back in 20.

Start me in the scene before.
I wanna see the whole sequence.

That one's not bad.
- Bob, he says that he's--

- I don't care what he says.
- We all love this one.

We think it's fun.
We think it's sexy.

- Good, it's your show.

- All right, you heard the man.
Wrap it up.

- Last section.

Stop.
- That one?

- Head trim right there.

[door opens]

[door closes]
- He said he'd be done

editing in August.

- This movie's been
a nightmare from the word go.

- Rehearsal starts
in three days.

- Has he had time
to even think about the show?

- Well, he's been
working on it all summer.

- What, once a week?

- Listen, once he gets
into that rehearsal room,

"Chicago" is all that he's
going to be thinking about.

Speaking of rehearsal rooms--
now, here's an idea:

wouldn't it be clever
if we had some press in

for the first week?

"Bob Fosse
and Gwen Verdon Reunited."

[elevator bell dings]

Now that's a story.

- You see, the trouble is
is that we all live

in a "happy ending" culture.

A "what should be" culture

instead of
a "what is" culture.

We're all taught that fantasy.

But if we were taught
"this is what is--"

[projector klunks, squeaks]

"This is what is."

"This is what is..."

I think we'd be
less screwed up.

[projector squeals]

- [sighs]

all: * That jazz

[laughter]

- This is what is.

[lively jazz music]

[sauce bubbling]

- Oh, Nicole, that smell.

[gasps]
Oh, it's just like I've walked

into a bistro in Florence.

- I think it needs
more salt.

- Okay, well, let me try.
Let me try.

*

Mm.

Uh, just the teensy,
eensiest little bit.

Uh, when did you put in
the pasta?

- I don't remember.

- Oh, well, that's not good.
[laughs]

- Figured white for fish, huh?
- Darling, be careful!

We're going to test the pasta.
- Ooh!

You could just taste it,
you know.

That's what most people do.

- And what would be
the fun in that?

- It's ready.
- It's ready!

Okay, so, uh, why don't you go
set the table?

We're going to eat
in the dining room tonight.

China's laid out,
silverware's laid out.

It's a special occasion.
First rehearsal tomorrow.

- Yeah.
You nervous?

- No, why would I be nervous?

I'm in the best shape
of my life.

- I know you are.

- I--I mean, I'm not
22 years old anymore,

but as long as Bob
understands that...

- I'm sure he will.
- [laughing]

Yes, Bob's famous
for his empathy.

- Yeah.

Well,
if he doesn't, screw him.

You know, don't, uh,
screw him, actually.

I think he'd like that
too much.

- [laughing]
Stop.

*

- It doesn't matter
what he thinks.

He gives you any trouble...

you just pull out
your contract.

You just hang it up
on the wall.

You say, "Anybody's got
any questions

"about who's in charge
of this rehearsal room,

it's all right there..."
- Stop.

- "In black and white."
- Stop.

*

- You are gonna be so fantastic
in this show.

People are gonna
line up for miles

just to buy tickets
to see you back on Broadway,

singing and dancing.

Yeah.

You're gonna be amazing.

*

[cars honking]
[sirens wailing]

- I beat you.

- You win.

[objects clattering]

[grunts]

I got stuck
in the editing room.

- Poor thing.

Tell me you weren't there
all night.

- Don't worry, I...

napped in the cab over.

- Oh, Bob.
[sighs]

- What "oh, Bob"?

Movie's not finished.

It comes out in the theaters
in two weeks.

What do you want me to do?

- Well, I'm sure that
you're the only one

who isn't happy with it.

- I'm the only one
who cares whether or not

it's a piece of shit.

- Oh, stop.
That is not true.

- [sighs]

[hacking, coughing]

I have no idea why
that keeps happening.

- You know, I think
some time away from it

might be the best thing
for you.

You can clear your head
and just think about something.

- Oh, yeah,
that's a great idea.

Let's do a musical.

I knew this wasn't gonna work.

- It's just
the first day.

- [sniffs]

- We've got plenty of time.

[rubbing back]

- I'll be, uh...

[pills rattling]

Good as new in--in a minute.

[pills rattling]

["All That Jazz" playing
on piano]

*

- A-five, six, seven, eight.

- * Start the car
I know a whoopee spot *

* Where the gin is cold
but the piano's hot *

* Just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl *

* And all

* That

* Jazz

- That's when
everyone comes in.

- Two, two, three four...

- Bob and I have been thinking
about this day--

no, dreaming about this day

for the last ten years.

Bet some of you were still
in grade school then.

[laughter]
- Some of these kids,

I think their parents
were in grade school.

[laughter]

- One, two, three.
Box arms...

- * And all that jazz

- Seven, eight,
and walk, two,

a-three, a-four,
a-five, a-six.

all: Ha!
- [coughing]

all: Ha!
- And five, six, seven, eight.

Swipe, two, a-three,
a-four, a-five.

- [coughing]

- Circle, two, three, four.

Resistance on this hips, and...
- [coughing]

- So for those of you who
haven't worked with Bob before,

I recommend stocking up

on heating pads and aspirin.

- What she means is,

you're about
to get your ass kicked.

[laughter]

- But trust me,
you will never be better.

- * Hold on, hun,
we're gonna bunny hug *

* I bought some aspirin
down at United Drug *

* In case we shake apart

- Uh, right there.

Would you--would you two
join in here?

[coughing]
- * That

* Jazz
- [coughing]

*

- [wheezing, hacking]

- * And all that jazz

- One, two, three, four.

Five, six, seven, eight.
- Keep going.

- A-one, two, three, four,

a-five, six, seven, eight.
- * All that jazz

- And one, two, three, four...
- * Come on, baby, gonna...

- [hacking, coughing]

[continues coughing]

You should see the other guy.
[coughs]

Now...
[coughing]

- Is everything okay?

- This fucking cough.
[coughs]

Need you to make
an appointment

with Dr. Leder.
[coughs]

During the lunch break.

- You want me
to call rehearsal?

- [coughs]
No, of course not.

I'm okay.

[distant chatter]

- All right,
I'll set it up right away.

[match strikes]

[muffled piano music]

- You know who
pressure's good for?

Kids.

Teach it early.
Beat it into 'em.

Pressure to succeed,
make money, be the best.

They gotta learn they don't
get that shit easy.

Lenny and I were lucky.

It's one thing to have talent.

Plenty of people have talent.

But you need the pressure.

Beautiful pressure.

- I'm afraid Mr. Fosse
has fallen behind

on Bobby's dance tuition.

- There was a mix-up
last week.

- Several months behind,
Mrs. Fosse.

I would hate to lose Bobby
as a student.

He could be dancing
professionally right now.

- Really?

- I could book him
all over the city--

theaters, clubs.

I'd pair him
with Charlie Grass.

Double acts
are all the rage now.

He could be making
enough money dancing

to pay his own tuition.
[shoes rapidly tapping]

And then some.

I would just take
a 15% commission.

- What?
What'd they say?

- I'm gonna be
a professional dancer.

- [gasps]

- I always thought
I'd be dead by 25.

Instead I just lost my hair.

[scattered laughter]

One of the best things
you can do for your career--

dying young.

All that potential.

Even if everything you would
have done after that is shit,

they'll never know because
you're too dead to show 'em.

20-year-old kid offs himself,
girls cry at his gravestone.

47-year-old guy kills himself,

even the crows don't show up.

Although, if I died
before "Lenny" came out,

you know, that--
think of the box office.

Shit, I'd probably win
another Oscar.

[laughs]

[coughs]
- Do we have blood work?

- It's in the lab now.
- [coughs]

I really--I tell you, I really
am feeling a whole lot better.

- When you saw Dr. Leder,
you told him

you were experiencing
chest pains.

- I...told him I had
some tightness in my chest.

I--I think he overreacted.

I don't need to be here.

- So you're not feeling
any tightness now?

- Quite the opposite.
I'm ready to get back to work.

I got a rehearsal going on.

- Nobody could tell me
where you were.

What happened?
- I was just about to leave.

Um, Leder went nuts.

He told me to go
to the emergency room.

I told him we have
a rehearsal to get to.

- I--I'm sorry,
who are you, ma'am?

- I'm his wife.
- Yeah, she can tell you

I get this pain sometimes.

It's never been a problem.

- We're concerned
that there may be

a high risk of a cardiac event.

- [laughing]
- Oh, my God.

- "Event."
I been here for an hour.

There's no event going on.
- Are you a smoker, Mr. Fosse?

- Uh, occasionally.

- How many cigarettes per day?

- [sighs]
Half a pack, maybe.

- Drug use?

- Uh, Dilantin for epilepsy.

Uh, Alka-Seltzer,
Wrigley's Spearmint gum.

Does coffee count?
- [sighs]

Bob, the man's trying
to help you.

- I know that.
He--he's very nice.

Thank you, Doc.

- He is taking, uh, Seconal...

- [coughs]
- Dexedrine, cocaine--

- Come on.
- What else?

- What are you, the FBI?
- No, I--

- Sir?
- This is about your health.

- Mr. Fosse--
- This is about your heart.

- Mr. Fosse.
- I'm trying to get outta here.

- Sir!
[high-pitched beeping]

- Actually...
- Mr. Fosse.

- I just want them to know
in case something--

- You want me
to shut down your show?

- You're having a heart attack,
Mr. Fosse.

- He's what?
- [laughs]

- Oh, my God, help!

- I need Dr. Kelly,
Dr. Peters paged immediately

and I need a full
emergency team right now!

- Lie down, lie down.
- Don't overreact.

I'm having rehearsal.
- Oh, God, help! Please!

- Oh, this is just great.
- It's okay, it's okay.

- This is...
[heartbeat thumping]

[heartbeat increases rapidly]

[lighter clicks shut]
Pressure builds.

Doesn't get better.
It gets worse.

And it can kill you.

It can...kill ya.

Ba-dum-bum.

- How is he?

- Where have you been?

- Well, I--I couldn't
find a cab,

and then I waited
for 20 minutes,

then I got on the train
and I took the wrong train--

- Okay, well--well,
he's sleeping now, finally,

so you can't see him.

- Okay, well,
what are the doctors saying?

Does he need surgery?

- They have to run some tests

and they won't know anything
for a few days.

- I knew he shouldn't have
done this show.

His doctors said
that he needed a break,

and even he knew he shouldn't
be doing the show.

It's just too much.

- You should go home
and come back tomorrow.

- No, no, I--I want to--

- Annie, sweetheart,
there's nothing left

for you to do here tonight.

- Well...

I wanna be here
when he wakes up.

- I'm going to stay.

Why don't you go by
the apartment in the morning?

Nicole's there with the sitter
and you can walk her to school.

I want her to feel
like everything's normal.

- Dr. Willis,
call Administration at 338.

Dr. Willis, call
Administration at 338.

[soft, dark chords]

*

- Oh, Jesus!

[panting]

Jesus Christ!
[groaning]

- We both started young,
me and Lenny.

We both came up
in joints like this.

Kind of joints
where you get herpes

from drinking the tap water.

Shit, you'd get herpes
from looking at the tap water.

[lively jazz music]

Mr. Weaver--
my dance teacher, my manager--

he told me and Charlie Grass

we'd be playing
the hottest spots in Chicago.

Boulevard Room, Chez Paree.

You know the sort of joint.

Sophisticated,
upscale, classy.

Only the best
for me and Charlie.

[cheering, hooting]

*

- Knock 'em dead, kid.

[whistling, cheering]

- [man continues moaning]

Oh, Jesus!

Jesus Christ--
- [quietly] Shut up.

- Oh, Christ.
- Just shut up.

- Just ignore it, Bob.
- Oh, Jesus!

- Been all night like this.

It's horrible.
- Oh, Jesus...

- I know, I know.

- This--
- Christ.

- [whispers] I know.
Just try and get some sleep.

- [man moans]

- Can you bring me
the telephone?

I need to call Alan.
- Oh, Christ!

- No, no, no, no.

The doctors don't want you
working right now.

- No, no,
I have cuts for him.

I have to get in touch
with him right away.

- Bob, listen to me.
- Oh, for the love of God.

Listen to me.
Not right now.

There's nothing
for you to worry about.

Everything's fine.
It's all taken care of.

- They're gonna finish my movie
without me, Gwen.

- Shh.
- They're gonna ruin it.

- [louder] Why are they
doing this to me?

- Just listen to me.
Listen to me.

Just ignore it.
- [sighs]

Do they know?
- [man moaning]

- Does who know?
- Everybody at the show.

Do they know what happened?
- Ohh...ohh...ohh...

- No, we haven't told anyone.

- Then I have a stomach bug.
- Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- They're hurting me!
- [quietly] I'm gonna hurt you.

- Annie's coming
to visit you tomorrow.

- [whispering]
No, no, no, no, no.

I don't want her here.

[man moaning]
- No?

Why--why not?
What's wrong?

- I don't want her
to see me like this.

- What are you talking about?

[knock on door]
[door opens]

- Excuse me.

Uh, so sorry to intrude,

but I heard from the nurses
that you were here.

[door closes]

My wife and I,
we're Broadway fanatics--

- I'm with my husband
right now.

- Y-yes, I was hoping
to get his autograph.

Only if he's well enough.

N-never mind, I'm sorry.

This was rude.
I apologize.

- Not at all.

Would you step outside with me
for a minute?

[man moaning]

[moaning, wailing continues]

- I shouldn't have
bothered you.

I just let my enthusiasm
carry me away.

- Not at all.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, Doctor...

- Uh, n-no. Jerome, please.
- Jerome.

Jerome. I'm Gwen Verdon.

- Oh, my God.
- Aww.

- Oh, my God.
[laughing]

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no, of course you are!

I--I can't believe
I didn't recognize you.

- Oh, please, that's fine.

- Wife is not gonna believe
that I met Bob Fosse

and Gwen Verdon.

- Well, Bob and I
would both love

to sign autographs
for you and your wife.

- Oh, my God, she's gonna--oh.
[laughs]

- Have you seen "Pippin"?

- Only twice.
[laughs]

- Well, there's a brand-new
leading player

who just came in last month.

Phenomenal.
You must go back.

You and your wife
could use Bob's house seats.

- [stammers]
No, no, no.

We--we couldn't.

- Oh, well, there's something
I could use

your help with too, Jerome.

You see, they have Bob
sharing that very small room

with a complete stranger.

Now, I've asked the nurses

if there's something
they could do,

but they said they can't help,

and I just wonder...

if there aren't
more appropriate accommodations

for someone in Bob's condition.

Bob's recovery--it's important
we get him better

as soon as possible.

[Al Jolson's "I'm Sitting
On Top Of The World"]

- * I'm sitting on top,
top of the world *

* I'm rollin' along

- [sighs]

- * Rollin' along
[end chords]

- You don't think
you should at least talk

to John and Freddy
about it, first?

[marker squeaking]

- I'm not asking
for their opinion.

- What are you gonna
tell Fryer?

- I have contractual approval
over the director,

and I won't approve anyone
but Bob Fosse.

- You're gonna lose
your cast, Gwen.

They can't wait around
for four months

while he's recovering
from heart surgery.

- Thank you, Ron.

This isn't what I need
from you right now.

[jaunty music in background]

- You know, even if they get
a new director

they can't replace you.

I just mean I'm...
[sighs]

I know...
[sighs]

Roxie's a little younger
on the page...

but I'm saying any director
they bring in,

they're gonna want you
to do it.

Obviously.

It's your show.

- It's not my show.
It's our show.

It's always been our show.

I know Bob.

He's about to have
his chest opened up,

and if we tell him
that he's being replaced,

he will die
on that operating table.

I am sure of it.

[approaching footsteps]

[sighs]
Hi, sweetie.

*

Annie's coming
to pick you up at 7:00

to take you to dinner,
so just make sure

that you have your homework
done by then, okay?

*

We'll start back up
in the new year

and open in New York
in June.

- What about all the kids?

- The ki--Well, I am calling
every casting agent in New York

and telling them
to keep our actors

at the front of their minds

for any short-term jobs
that come up,

any background work.

And if the company
needs more money,

then I'll just loan it
to them myself.

They can pay me back

when "Chicago" is
the biggest hit on Broadway.

- I don't know.

I don't know
if they're gonna wait for me.

- Oh, please.
Of course they will.

- They're gonna think
I'm finished after this.

- [laughing]
No one is going to think that.

- [sighs]

- Remember when George
and Hal wanted

to cut your big
act one number in "Yankees"?

- "Musical Chairs."

- Yes.

And you were devastated.

Oh, you thought
the world was ending.

[laughs softly]

All because of one
silly little number.

- Well, that was a good number.

I...

well, Eddie couldn't--
he couldn't do it right.

- Eddie.
- Yeah.

He was terrible.

- If that's the story
you want to tell...

[monitor beeping softly]

- [laughing]

[coughing]

It was a shit number,
wasn't it?

[both laughing]

- It was terrible.
- Yeah.

- What a piece of shit.
- [laughing]

[sighs]

[mellow music]

Then we stayed up all night,
and what did we get?

*

We got "Who's Got the Pain?"
[laughs]

*

- Hey.

*

When I wake up after...

if I wake up--

- [sharp inhale]
Don't...

say that.

- I want you to be there.

When I wake up.

[sighs]

Yeah?

*

- Of--of course.

*

- You're gonna like this one.

What do you call a mother
who never bothers to ask

where exactly her son
is performing

at 1:00 in the morning
on a school night?

A perfect role model.

[rim shot]

Mom of the year.

- What is he wearing?

- He was performing, Cy.

I told you.

- I have this.

[bills rustling]

- That's it?

[rim shot]

- I thought there'd be more.

[rim shot]

- Thank you.
- Is that makeup?

[rim shot]

You look like a faggot.

[cymbal crashes]

[jazz music]

- Well, I'm glad
somebody's laughing.

[jazz continues]

*

- And close for me.

- This is so stupid.

- Oh, stop.

You know I don't like
that word.

- If they don't want kids
visiting at the hospital,

there's probably a good reason.

- The reason is,
they came up with that rule

for children who are
less mature than you are.

Open.

Daddy had a long
and scary surgery,

and he needs some
cheering up.

And no one cheers him up
like you do.

Luckily, he has a lot
of young friends and colleagues

who come to visit him,
so you'll blend right in.

Open.

There...we...go.

You don't look a day under 18.

[John Kander's
"All I Care About"]

- * I don't care
about expensive things *

* Cashmere coats,
diamond rings *

* Don't mean a thing

- Keep your chin up.

- * That's what I'm here for

* I don't care
for wearing silk cravats *

- One of Mr. Fosse's protégés.

- * Satin spats
don't mean a thing *

* All I care about

- That's my girl.
- * Is love

[monitor beeping softly]

- Should I give you guys
some privacy?

- Oh, no, no, no.
Please, you stay.

Sit.
[laughs]

Got the gang all here.

- You look like a machine.

- I don't even want to say
what you look like.

- [laughing]

Bob.

Why don't you give Daddy
a hug and a kiss?

- It's okay.
It's all right.

It's all right.
- [laughs]

Oh, here.

Show him that.

It's from everyone
at "Chicago."

They all love you,

and they send
their healing wishes,

and they want you
to get better soon.

Everyone signed the card.

- [sighs]

- [kisses]
- That a girl.

That a girl.

See you soon.

- Doesn't it ever
bother you?

- What?
- That she's always there.

- Who--what, Annie?
No, no.

No, why would it?

- She's his girlfriend.

- Annie and I are different.

What your father
and I have...

he doesn't have
with anybody else.

Come on, let's go.

[sighs]
Give me that bag.

I've got it.

Okay.

[sighs]

[monitor beeping softly]

- My father...

Sure, maybe he looked down
on me.

But no way
he'd let me quit dancing.

[band playing
lively jazz music]

Somebody had to put food
on the table.

*

[shoes tapping]

*

[cheers and applause]

*

- Where's your pal?

- Charlie?
Outside.

His mother drove us here.
- He's not as good.

- [laughs]
He knows that already.

*

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

*

[cheers and applause]

[cheering and applause
growing louder]

[ominous rumbling]

[ominous buildup]

- You're gonna be famous.

*

- He's already a rising star.

- [laughs]
I think I'm in love.

*

[cheers and applause]

*

- What do you call
a 13-year-old kid

who gets screwed by a bunch
of 40-year-old strippers?

The luckiest boy in the world.

[rim shot]

Why's he so lucky, anyway?

He gets to have sex

before he even knows
the word for it.

[rim shot]

You'll like this one.

I was dead for six hours.

- You were breathing
the whole time.

- A--a machine was breathing.

I wasn't breathing.

I think it did something
to my...

I think they put it--
put it back in the wrong way.

My heart.

- They didn't.

- I can feel it.
I never felt it before.

I can feel it now.

I--I feel it squeezed
in there.

- Bobby.

They said not to worry
after the first...

12 hours.

It's been four days.

You're okay.

- What if I didn't come back
all the way?

- I'm looking at you.
- Yeah.

- I'm right here with you.

- I think they did something
to me.

I think the screwed me up
down there.

I think they fucked me up.

- [laughs]

Mm-mm.

They didn't go anywhere...

they didn't go anywhere
near there.

- You're okay,
I promise you.

- [softly]
I'm being serious.

You're laughing at me.
I'm being serious.

[melancholy music]

What's the best thing
about having sex

with a grown woman
when you're only 13?

You get to feel pleasure,
confusion, humiliation,

all at the same time.

I call that
the triangle of shame!

[rim shot]

You get to feel pleasure,
confusion.

[echoing]
Pleasure, confusion,

and humiliation
all at the same time.

I grew up in the church.

We call it
the Holy Trinity.

[rim shot]

You know the best part
of being scared,

turned on, confused,

guilty, self-loathing,
and in lust

all at the same time?

It screws up your relationships
for the rest of your life.

[somber music]

*

- Hey.

- I need to know
I'm still a man.

*

- Bobby.

*

- Tell me I'm good enough.

- That's it?

- I thought there'd be more.

[rim shot]

- Where's that smile?

[shoes clicking]

- Don't think for a second
I couldn't replace you

a hundred times over.

- Come on.

Come on.
Laugh it up, folks.

[cymbals crashing]

I do it for you.

*

[laughter]

[drums playing]

[laughter]
That was a good one.

[sighs]
Is this on?

Is this on?

Testing, testing.
One, two.

Hey, come on, that's funny!

Okay, you're gonna love this.

What's the difference
between sex and applause?

What's the difference
between sex and applause?

What's the difference
between sex and applause?

What's the difference
between sex and applause?

- Sorry.

- You only applaud
somebody you love.

[rim shot]

Come on, this is
my best material, here!

Okay, here we go.
Come on, come on.

[drums playing]

Little faster, little faster.

[drumming continues]

[picking up rhythm]

[cheers and applause]

- Ta-ta-ta-ta.

*

Ta-ta-ta-ta.

Bah!

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you, thank you.

- [heavy breathing]

[somber music continues]

*

[coughing]

[percussive beat]

[foreboding music]

*

[indistinct chatter]

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

- We brought
an extra sandwich.

Tuna salad.
- Aww.

I'm all right.
Thank you, though.

- Well, if you don't eat it

it's just gonna go
in the garbage.

- I'm really not hungry.
Thank you so much.

- You should eat it.

You need to keep up
your strength for your, uh...

- H-husband.

Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

[ominous rumbling]

[cheers and applause
growing louder]

[rumbling intensifies]

[heart beating]

[heart beating]
[rhythmic monitor beeping]

[heartbeat and monitor
beeping fade]

[mellow jazz music]

*

[keys clicking rapidly]

[ting]

I have to admit
I didn't see your show.

I didn't see
yours either, uh--

You know I won
the Tony Award for it.

Yeah, I got
one of those too.

ANNOUNCER: Tuesday.

He's only choreographed
one show.

He needs this show
to be spectacular.

Otherwise, he's just
a flash in the pan.

-She can act,
she can sing.
-You liked her.

Do you feel safe?

Am I supposed to?

ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon.

All-new, Tuesday at 10:00,
only on FX.

I'm what's known as
a psychic
or energy vampire.

-We either bore you...
-I'm better now.

I was a little sick
this weekend.

Or we enrage you.

(sharpener grinding)

ANNOUNCER:
What We Do in the Shadows,

all new Wednesdays at 10:00
on FX.

ANNOUNCER: In space,
no one can hear you sc--

(all screaming)

What is with all the shouting?

-Are we hosting
a quinceañera?
-(gasps)

ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999.

Premieres Wednesday, May 29
on FXX.

(record static)

(hip-hop beat)

(rapid drumming)

(beat resumes)

-WOMAN 1: I heard he's a savior.
-WOMAN 2: I heard he's a mutant.

-He's a god.
-Hi, Alice.

I help people open
their minds.

-Is this a cult?
-Ticktock, little birdie.

-I'm a good person.
-You end the world.

-Why do you need
to time travel?
-It's about saving lives.

Starting with mine.

(screams)

MAN: How do you surprise someone

who can go back in time
and warn himself?