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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,956 --> 00:00:05,808 I'm Kim and I'm sexually obsessed with my best friend Sugar. 2 00:00:06,212 --> 00:00:09,225 Sugar gave me crabs during| a platonic night of frustration.. 3 00:00:09,894 --> 00:00:12,577 Crabs which I then gave my mother when she borrowed my jeans,, 4 00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:16,227 which exposed her affair and destroyed my parents' marriage. 5 00:00:16,228 --> 00:00:17,424 They're crabs, Stella. 6 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:21,943 I've been seeing... sleeping with someone else 7 00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:26,050 All in a day's work for a 15-year-old sexually-frustrated gay virgin. 8 00:01:24,289 --> 00:01:27,953 "Je suis au milieu d'une situation impossible" 9 00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,195 I don't want you in my house. 10 00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:33,187 Oh, so now it comes down to who pays the mortgage. 11 00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:35,317 - You had an affair. - Where am I gonna go? 12 00:01:35,374 --> 00:01:39,048 - I don't care. - You are a spineless reptile, Nathan. 13 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:42,711 - And you are a stupid whore. - For fuck's sake, shut up! 14 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:47,415 - Kim...there's no need to shout. - There's really no need to swear. 15 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:50,494 Being stuck between my parents was nothing new. 16 00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,315 This situation was unbearable. 17 00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:56,495 - What's for tea? - He says he wants you gone by five. 18 00:01:58,939 --> 00:02:00,097 Now, wait a minute. 19 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,674 She says you won't be able to manage without her. 20 00:02:03,687 --> 00:02:07,328 Oh, yeah, because there'd be nobody to, ooh, let me see, 21 00:02:07,448 --> 00:02:09,900 fill up the ashtrays and drink champagne. 22 00:02:12,505 --> 00:02:14,426 He says you made a mockery of the marriage 23 00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:16,755 and he'll never be able to see you in the same light again. 24 00:02:17,352 --> 00:02:20,720 Fine. Oh, Kimmy. 25 00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:27,950 - So you won't change your mind? - Do you think that I should? 26 00:02:27,983 --> 00:02:31,696 Taking sides is easy. Being stuck in the middle is hell. 27 00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:35,909 What am I gonna do? 28 00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:40,924 I've been married for 15 years. 29 00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:44,254 I've never lived with another man. 30 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,682 It's not like you haven't slept with Dale. 31 00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:49,447 That is completely different. 32 00:02:49,866 --> 00:02:52,727 I mean, he only sees me once a week. 33 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:59,663 I'm not a real person. I'm...object of desire. 34 00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,763 All that's gonna change now. 35 00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:16,513 You can say that again. 36 00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:22,462 Bye, dear. Have fun. 37 00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,769 Did you tell her I want the rest of her things gone by Friday? 38 00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,516 I was so busy telling everyone what everyone else thought, 39 00:03:31,161 --> 00:03:33,258 I forgot to tell them all to sod off. 40 00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,749 And just when I thought I'd escaped it all, 41 00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:42,370 Sugar landed me right back in the middle again. 42 00:03:46,607 --> 00:03:51,075 What do you reckon? Found him last night. Gorgeous, isn't he? 43 00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:55,480 He's not like other blokes around here. l've never met anyone like him. 44 00:03:57,973 --> 00:03:59,466 Fuckin' cute little star. 45 00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:02,417 Language student. 46 00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:08,918 Guillaume. a language student who couldn't speak English. 47 00:04:11,115 --> 00:04:13,942 And, of course, Sugar couldn't speak a word of French. 48 00:04:15,077 --> 00:04:16,627 It's not like they needed a lot of words 49 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,184 but occasionally the odd one was useful. 50 00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:22,727 - Have you got a condom? - Oh, tu es une femme fantastique. 51 00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:27,776 Guillaume, have you got a condom? 52 00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:30,100 Putain, je suis en forme et je peux te dire que tu vas aimer �a. 53 00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,632 No condom, no entry. 54 00:04:33,051 --> 00:04:34,256 That's why they needed me. 55 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,186 I was their French-speaking gooseberry interpreter. 56 00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:43,546 What did he say? 57 00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:12,046 l had a really nice time last night. 58 00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:21,428 - What are you doing later? - l thought you were coming out with me. 59 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,435 Maybe we can get to know each other better. 60 00:05:24,894 --> 00:05:28,832 - And how are you going to do that? - We speak the language of love. 61 00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:30,062 Oh, please. 62 00:05:39,984 --> 00:05:41,719 He's such a gentleman. 63 00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:09,155 So... 64 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,501 - Now l know why we always met in hotels. - Yeah, because it's dirty and sleazy. 65 00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:22,072 No, because your place is such a mess. 66 00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,366 You're not going to be nightmare, are you? 67 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:31,414 No. 68 00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:36,935 Good, cos if you play your cards right, l think you'll find l'm very pleased to see you. 69 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,692 - Kizza, what's French for balls? - Les balles. 70 00:06:58,096 --> 00:07:01,204 - You know, l'm really worried about Stella. - What's French for hole? 71 00:07:01,536 --> 00:07:05,112 Trou. Nathan was so determined to make her go. 72 00:07:06,351 --> 00:07:07,396 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 73 00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:09,662 l haven't seen him like that in ages. 74 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,278 Kim. 75 00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:23,842 Kim, what's wrong? 76 00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:30,280 l don't know. Let's just say l've had enough of translating Anglo-French relations. 77 00:07:30,587 --> 00:07:32,040 - What? - You two. 78 00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:35,071 Oh, yeah, l know. Cute, ain't he? 79 00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:40,290 Oh, never mind, mon ch�ri. 80 00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:45,339 Kim? Kim? 81 00:07:46,828 --> 00:07:48,265 Nobody is listening to me. 82 00:07:48,781 --> 00:07:52,677 Well, OK, look, l'm sorry, babe, but it's just...l've been so into him. 83 00:07:55,347 --> 00:07:58,979 - My mum left home this morning. - Did she? Good. 84 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,604 - What? - I thought that's what you wanted. 85 00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:05,949 I've got to go. 86 00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:09,444 Kim. Kim, is it something I said? 87 00:08:10,331 --> 00:08:11,945 Who's going to translate for me? 88 00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:14,085 Translate this. 89 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,684 Sometimes love throws up unexpected pleasures. 90 00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:30,402 But mostly it deals you a pile of shit. 91 00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:40,927 Next time you see your mother, l want you to tell her that we had her favourite dessert. 92 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:45,358 - We had her favourite dessert. - What's the point in that if she's not there? 93 00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:48,540 - What's the point in that if she isn't here? - Life goes on, Kim. 94 00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:51,925 - Yeah but... - Just eat your lemon meringue pie. 95 00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:53,524 Just eat your lemon meringue pie. 96 00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,904 There's definitely a problem with this table. 97 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,377 When's Stella coming back? 98 00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,696 - Don't know. - Will it be long? 99 00:09:09,956 --> 00:09:12,688 We want everything to be just right, don't we? 100 00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,555 - lt's always been like that. - lt's no good. 101 00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:20,623 lt's still no reason not to fix the ruddy thing! 102 00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,561 Get us a drink, would you, Kim? 103 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,257 Definitely a problem with this table. 104 00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:51,588 That was the worst thing about being stuck in between. 105 00:09:52,971 --> 00:09:54,907 Couldn't seem to make anyone happy. 106 00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:00,268 Least of all myself. 107 00:10:10,183 --> 00:10:10,962 Kimmy, 108 00:10:11,237 --> 00:10:12,055 it's me. 109 00:10:12,169 --> 00:10:15,697 - Yeah, l know. - Um, what's the French for cunnilingus? 110 00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:18,004 l have no idea. 111 00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:23,165 Was that her? 112 00:10:24,966 --> 00:10:26,082 Was that Stella? 113 00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:29,129 No. 114 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,791 Go back to sleep. 115 00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:43,896 That was it. The situation sucked. And it was about time someone took control. 116 00:10:51,678 --> 00:10:52,369 Hi. 117 00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:56,042 Hey. Tell him, ''Dans le cul.'' 118 00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:57,698 That'll get you what you want. 119 00:10:58,077 --> 00:10:59,354 Dans le cul. 120 00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,059 Things were about to change. 121 00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:16,584 It was the first day of the rest of my life. 122 00:11:19,039 --> 00:11:21,015 I was no longer going to be shat on. 123 00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,495 Things were going to return to normaI. 124 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,349 I was in control. 125 00:11:45,763 --> 00:11:49,450 - What is going on? - We're having a bonfire. 126 00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,848 Have you completely lost the plot? 127 00:11:54,597 --> 00:11:56,027 lt's possible, l suppose. 128 00:11:58,705 --> 00:12:00,832 Matt, go and get your coat. We're going out. 129 00:12:01,301 --> 00:12:02,481 Are you like Mum now? 130 00:12:03,102 --> 00:12:04,804 Well, it seems that way, doesn't it? 131 00:12:06,148 --> 00:12:08,189 - Can l have a fiver? - Out the house. 132 00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:09,249 Come on. 133 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,947 Are you going to sort yourself out? 134 00:12:19,362 --> 00:12:22,183 - l don't know. - Nathan. 135 00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:25,053 - There's no point any more. - What about me and Matt? 136 00:12:25,151 --> 00:12:27,802 l'm sick of being the sensible one... 137 00:12:28,044 --> 00:12:32,851 Oh, that's bloody great, isn't it? You sit here like a wreck and leave me to rule the house. 138 00:12:33,479 --> 00:12:35,142 lt's not like l've got school or anything. 139 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:37,931 What do l do? 140 00:12:41,196 --> 00:12:42,144 l don't know. 141 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,070 Just clean this lot up. 142 00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:12,865 Hope you won't burn the place down. l don't have insurance. 143 00:13:12,946 --> 00:13:15,060 - Where are you going? - Buckingham Palace. 144 00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,336 lt's our first day together. l thought we could do something. 145 00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:23,291 - Er...l've got to get going. l'll see you later. - But l made you... 146 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:40,879 l think l must have said something wrong last night. l didn't quite get what l expected. 147 00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:44,400 Bloody good, though. 148 00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:47,929 - Really? - Yeah. 149 00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:52,318 My one pIeasure was shafting Sugar and I couIdn't get that one right. 150 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,178 l really like this guy. He's different. 151 00:13:56,266 --> 00:14:00,567 My worId was faIIing apart and I was totaIIy powerIess to put it right. 152 00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:11,419 Oh, he's so cute. What did he say? 153 00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:13,823 Or maybe there was another way. 154 00:14:16,059 --> 00:14:19,522 He says sorry but he's got to go and meet his friends on the other side of town. 155 00:14:20,102 --> 00:14:23,758 What? No, well...um, tell him to stay. 156 00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:41,580 So he'll stay, yeah? 157 00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:46,425 Oh, he can't, cos he arranged to meet them earlier and he doesn't have their number. 158 00:14:47,963 --> 00:14:49,111 He didn't say anything. 159 00:14:49,813 --> 00:14:50,687 - Guillaume? 160 00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:53,339 Guillaume, don't go. 161 00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:56,756 What the fuck's that all about? 162 00:14:57,208 --> 00:15:01,724 This was it. I'd finaIIy found a way to turn things to my advantage. 163 00:15:05,578 --> 00:15:07,537 Maybe l didn't pay him enough attention. 164 00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,223 Yeah, right. You were all over him. 165 00:15:11,672 --> 00:15:13,455 - Well, did he say he'd call? - No. 166 00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,600 Look, just forget him, Shoogs. 167 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,607 - He said he wanted to slap your arse. - Matthew! 168 00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:21,460 - What else did he say? - Nothing. 169 00:15:22,112 --> 00:15:23,776 Kim said you needed some time alone. 170 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,025 - Why did you do that? - Cos he was getting on my nerves. 171 00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:37,393 - l really liked him. - He was an arrogant French tosser. 172 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,856 No, he wasn't. He was a proper man. 173 00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:41,910 Fuck me, Nath, it's the middle of the day. 174 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,283 He's just tired. 175 00:15:47,782 --> 00:15:49,965 Yeah, half a bottle of vodka can have that effect. 176 00:15:57,218 --> 00:15:59,987 - Didn't know he was this mashed. - l did try to tell you. 177 00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:01,805 l'm sorry. 178 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,032 Whoa! 179 00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,928 Guillaume...l really liked him, you know. 180 00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:08,850 Why? He was just a shag. 181 00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,860 lt wasn't like that. 182 00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:15,257 You can't be in love with him. You don't even speak the same language. 183 00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:22,974 - Sugar.... - He really cared about me. 184 00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:26,092 He cared whether l came or not. 185 00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:31,300 He is the first person ever to give me an orgasm. 186 00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:35,578 He was a creepy French wanker. 187 00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,150 Yes, Kim, but he made me come. 188 00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:47,590 For a minute there, l thought you were being serious. 189 00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:51,176 l am being serious. Bloody hell, these things are important. 190 00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,779 Yeah, l'm sorry. OK? 191 00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:07,535 l'll forgive you if you do one thing for me. 192 00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,537 Find him and get me one more night with him. 193 00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:17,030 - Please. - OK. 194 00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,693 l love you, Kimmy. l love you. 195 00:18:21,803 --> 00:18:23,568 Don't bank on it, mate. 196 00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:52,170 If only the world was as simple as a man's pride. 197 00:18:55,694 --> 00:19:00,403 Having successfully sorted out Sugar, it was now time to sort out SteIIa. 198 00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:01,867 Yes, who is it? 199 00:19:01,868 --> 00:19:03,803 Hello. lt's me. 200 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,088 Who? 201 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,773 Your daughter. 202 00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:18,077 Oh! Thank God you're here. l've been going out of my mind. 203 00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:19,677 l knew you would be. 204 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,942 - What am l going to do? - Just come home. 205 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,847 - What? - You're miserable here, aren't you? 206 00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:35,762 What are you talking about? lt's this meat loaf. 207 00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:40,769 l followed the recipe and everything but look at it. 208 00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:44,187 Do you think l can cut the top off? 209 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,843 Dale's going to be home soon. 210 00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:54,258 I think I'd entered a quantum universe where everything was just a IittIe bit wrong. 211 00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:59,975 You should have seen this place yesterday. lt took me five hours to clean. 212 00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:03,030 - You did that? - Mm-hm. 213 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,469 At least here l can be helpful. 214 00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:10,724 At home, l was nothing but an old lush. 215 00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:14,773 Bon app�tit. 216 00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:26,962 l'm not coming back, Kim. Nathan made the right decision in throwing me out. 217 00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,636 l was a terrible mother. A nightmare to live with. 218 00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:32,845 You're all better off without me. 219 00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:35,755 No, we're not. 220 00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:40,104 - l was no good for you, for any of you. - You don't understand. 221 00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,607 lt'll all be all right. You'll see. 222 00:20:45,082 --> 00:20:48,201 These things have a habit of working themselves out. 223 00:21:01,578 --> 00:21:06,335 Er... l'm sorry that things have been a bit strange the past few days. 224 00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,103 l'll make it up to you. 225 00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:11,793 We could go ice skating. 226 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:13,794 That is a really good idea. 227 00:21:14,785 --> 00:21:16,520 See? We'll get back to normal. 228 00:21:17,332 --> 00:21:19,421 And then who knows? Maybe your mother will... 229 00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:24,477 Well... 230 00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:36,270 Erm... l know l shouldn't ask but er...how did your mother seem? 231 00:21:38,306 --> 00:21:40,450 l think l can be happy here, Kim. 232 00:21:42,155 --> 00:21:44,060 She's miserable, Dad. 233 00:21:44,865 --> 00:21:46,648 - Really? - Yeah. 234 00:21:47,775 --> 00:21:49,020 She'll be home soon. 235 00:21:50,974 --> 00:21:52,580 The thing about being in the middIe 236 00:21:53,136 --> 00:21:55,835 is that you have the power to make everybody feeI good. 237 00:21:55,894 --> 00:21:58,721 l don't want him to go. Last night was the best night ever. 238 00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,413 Farewell, my little angel. 239 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,169 He can't wait for you to meet his family. 240 00:22:17,828 --> 00:22:21,711 And Iife sucks so often, you'd better get the good times whiIe you can. 241 00:22:22,564 --> 00:22:24,797 What did he say? What did he say? 242 00:22:26,864 --> 00:22:27,657 Bye. 243 00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:31,709 l love you. 244 00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,814 Yes, you can make everybody happy. 245 00:22:38,175 --> 00:22:39,234 Even yourseIf. 246 00:22:40,884 --> 00:22:42,690 Guillaume also said... 247 00:22:42,909 --> 00:22:43,605 What? 248 00:22:46,276 --> 00:22:49,797 ..that he'd really like to see two women kissing. 249 00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:54,146 Oh! He's so dirty. l love him. 250 00:23:22,433 --> 00:23:27,447 Synchronization and corrections Lucile76 251 00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:32,048 "Numb", Porishead "French Kiss", The Lovers "The Day It All Went Wrong", Gisli 252 00:23:32,049 --> 00:23:34,049 "Wake Up Boo!", The Boo Radley�s "A Forest", Nouvelle Vague "Hey Lisa", David Holmes 253 00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:36,050 "Stuck In The Middle", Louise "Out Of Time", Blur "Sunday Girl (French Version)", Blondie 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 20476

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