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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,191
I'm thinking about using the bathroom.
2
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,426
- Go for it.
- It's a no-brainer.
3
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,178
Wow, this one's brand new.
4
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,304
Hold my purse.
5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,306
I'm gonna christen this puppy.
6
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,143
- Get it, girl.
- Drop one on 'em, mama.
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,439
The boys forgot to chain this up.
8
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,192
They know my mom's visiting next week.
9
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,445
Damn it. She deserves a fresh one!
10
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,426
You journaling right now, Steve?
11
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:37,221
I'm working on an essay about my dad
for a contest in English class.
12
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:40,516
I'm focusing on Stan Smith,
the softball star.
13
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,083
Love that.
14
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,227
You have a title yet?
15
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:46,397
I'm thinking, My Dad.
16
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,631
Wow.
17
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,217
I'm pretty sure I love that.
18
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,219
Just look at him, Klaus.
19
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,572
Totally in his element.
20
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,223
Yeah. I don't like chicken
in my pasta, either.
21
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,308
Switch it up.
22
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,603
The picture of a ballplayer.
23
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,689
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Let's freaking go.
24
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,279
Time, blue.
25
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,469
Stay down on that ball.
26
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,828
Hey, it's okay. Short memory, right?
27
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,830
But don't up like that again.
28
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,376
- Safe!
- Yeah!
29
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:28,773
It's only the second inning.
30
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:29,899
Not for us.
31
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,466
Yes, it is.
32
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:37,073
Good morning, USA
33
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,475
I got a feeling
That it's gonna be a wonderful day.
34
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,579
The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face.
35
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,273
And he's shining a salute
To the American race.
36
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,279
Oh, boy, it's swell to say.
37
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,824
Good morning, USA.
38
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,912
Good morning, USA.
39
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,475
Webster's dictionary
defines "hero"
40
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:08,294
as a mythological figure
of great strength or ability.
41
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:13,007
"I define 'hero' as my dad.
My dad is strong.
42
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,318
"My dad is good.
43
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,761
"My dad could hit a ball very far.
44
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:19,949
"If my dad raced your dad, he'd win.
45
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,432
"Because he's a winner.
46
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,144
"Because he's my dad."
47
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,521
Steve?
48
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:27,915
Yes, Dad?
49
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,501
This essay is so bad,
50
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,212
its robotic, zero artistry.
51
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,196
Maudlin drivel comes to mind.
52
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,257
What a dick!
53
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,783
I want to know more about Stan, the man.
54
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,678
The guy behind the uniform.
55
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,036
I'll tell you what!
56
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,265
Why don't you shadow me at the CIA?
57
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,267
Really? Wow! Thanks.
58
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,001
Hey, don't push it.
59
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,231
Oh, my God! I can't believe Dad.
60
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:55,216
- What a jerk!
- He just has high standards.
61
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,593
Can I see your essay?
62
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,407
Aren't you a little old
to worship Dad like this?
63
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,808
I don't worship Dad.
64
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:08,706
You just think if he fought
a Tyrannosaurus rex, he would win?
65
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,856
Prove he wouldn't!
66
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,359
Hello?
67
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,256
This is how it ends?
68
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,992
I'm gonna die in a Porta John?
69
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:31,002
Wow, this thing's light as hell.
70
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,969
There's my little daddy's boy.
Ready to hand in that essay?
71
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,615
Mr. Fritz, I need an extension.
72
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:43,699
Extension?
73
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,267
But I read the last draft
with the Tyrannosaurus rex.
74
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,411
It was terrific.
75
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,979
- What happened?
- My dad thinks it needs work.
76
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,917
Look, Steve, I started
an essay contest about dads
77
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,877
because I love and admired dads.
78
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,462
But dads aren't always right.
79
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,630
Most of the time, yes.
80
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,174
99.9% of the time, they're 100% right.
81
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,408
But in this case, a dad is wrong.
82
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,011
Your essay is perfection.
83
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,119
Just hand it in.
84
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,665
I can't hand in an essay about my dad
that my dad doesn't like.
85
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,229
I don't like an unhappy dad.
86
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,546
I'll give you two more days.
87
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,649
But that's it.
88
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,675
Oh, thank you. You won't regret it.
89
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,612
I hope you're right.
90
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,240
What, Billy? What do you want?
91
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,450
I just wanted to say hi.
92
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:27,809
Hi.
93
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:34,917
For lunch, I like the tuna from Rocky's,
but the macaroni salad from Subs Galore.
94
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,210
Whoa. Slow... Slow down.
95
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,461
Why am I here again?
96
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,612
'Cause Dad won't drive me
to school afterwards.
97
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,448
Dad, could we circle back
to softball for a sec?
98
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,908
What's your batting average?
99
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,869
I'm not much of a stats guy.
I'm more of a W's guy.
100
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,832
Steve, check it out. This is
a thing I do that everyone loves.
101
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,084
People love that?
102
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,420
I... I think so.
103
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,589
Hey, you guys love when I throw
Dick's lunch in the trash, right?
104
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,466
That's your hero, Steve?
105
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,403
Why does it bother you so much?
106
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,929
It doesn't bother me.
I'm just trying to help you grow up.
107
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,848
God! I'll be in the car.
108
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:10,643
Four people said they love it.
Five said they really love it.
109
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:14,647
You're right about Stan.
110
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,233
- Dick?
- I'm not Dick.
111
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,359
Who are you?
112
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,069
Call me Deep Dick.
113
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,130
Why are you in my car?
114
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,715
Because you're right.
115
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,717
Stan's no hero.
116
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,095
This star softball player routine,
a big lie.
117
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:30,079
He sucks shit.
118
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:34,208
But he's got everyone fooled,
and I want him exposed.
119
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,960
He's been on the team 10 years.
120
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,688
How could he fool everyone for so long?
121
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:38,796
Tricks!
122
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,925
- What's Dick doing here?
- Deep Dick.
123
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,445
He says Dad's bad at softball.
124
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,739
He's probably pissed
he threw his lunch in the trash.
125
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,515
Again? Look, don't take my word for it.
126
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,744
Go to the file room.
Check the softball records.
127
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,828
Great.
128
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,748
I welcome the chance to slurp up
that delicious evidence
129
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,042
that Dad is all he says he is.
130
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,693
You'll need to pass
a retina scan to get in.
131
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:03,547
Are those loose eyeballs?
132
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,366
Hmm. I hate to part with the green one.
133
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,035
Jackson?
134
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:10,912
Guess again.
135
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,854
Man, It's been hours.
136
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,022
You find anything yet?
137
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,256
Team rosters, game logs.
138
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,319
A recording of Bullock singing
John Fogerty's Centerfield.
139
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,427
I'd like to hear that.
140
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,573
What I didn't find
is any actual statistics on Dad.
141
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,200
Dad was in the lineup.
142
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,203
Why does it say zero for zero
for his at bats?
143
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,913
Maybe they walked him every time.
144
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,980
Pitchers fear his mighty bat.
145
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,149
He also had zero plays in the field?
146
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,794
Hitters fear his mighty glove.
147
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,319
Again zero.
148
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,238
Every game.
149
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,217
Zero, zero.
150
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,386
It's like he's not even participating.
151
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,744
He's... He's...
152
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,348
He's avoiding the ball, ya damn fools.
153
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,748
Your dad's a fraud.
154
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,834
Open your eyes! My God!
155
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,896
Sorry I lost my temper.
156
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:05,258
It's just... I recently found out
that I'm a janitor.
157
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,405
Dad's a fraud.
158
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,199
He literally avoided the ball
for 10 years.
159
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,350
None of these documents prove that.
160
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,371
You're making assumptions
based on mere pieces of paper.
161
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,479
Ephemera.
162
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,314
Come on, man! Wake up!
163
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,900
I'm tired of you
whispering poison in his ear.
164
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,485
He needs to see the truth.
165
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,530
I don't give a damn about the truth!
Just print the legend!
166
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,218
Steve, you had a gold star essay here.
167
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,077
Why are you digging?
168
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,556
Because a deranged lunatic
has an axe to grind?
169
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,374
She's probably an old flame
looking for vengeance.
170
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,560
She's my sister.
171
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,085
My... My dad's daughter.
172
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,688
Let's review the facts.
173
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,756
Your dad is big. Your dad is strong.
Your dad could hit a ball very far.
174
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,217
He can carry a redwood tree,
karate chop a python in half,
175
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,112
and he makes giant pancakes
like Uncle Buck.
176
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,531
These are the things we know.
177
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,224
These are the things that ground us.
178
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,351
I still think he's all those things.
179
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,228
I just need time to prove it.
180
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,565
Two more days.
181
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,529
- Get out of here! Get!
- Ahh!
182
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:12,867
Trust me, Hayley. Once you watch
Dad play, you'll see you were wrong.
183
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,121
Lefty! Switch!
184
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,479
Okay. What was that?
185
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,837
An out?
186
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,132
Jackson, yours!
187
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,864
Hey, you gotta call those
out, Jackson. Communication.
188
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,057
Come on, that was so obvious.
189
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,018
Obvious Dad's not a ball hog.
190
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,563
Looked like a snake.
191
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,233
Okay, let's just talk to him.
192
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:50,881
So, Hayley has this crazy idea
193
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,823
that you have no stats
194
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,992
because you've been avoiding the ball
for a decade
195
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,303
because you suck at softball.
196
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,305
That's an interesting theory.
197
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,455
Theory?
198
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,936
Fifty games. No hits, no put outs. Nada.
199
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,479
Go ahead, check.
200
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,356
- I believe you.
- So you admit it?
201
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,717
Admit our statistician, Dick's mom,
has an axe to grind. Sure.
202
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,028
Dick! Of course.
203
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,781
See, Hayley, I told you.
I told her, Dad.
204
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:16,889
We watched you play.
205
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,891
You spent the whole game
avoiding the ball.
206
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,727
And you did take yourself out
in the last inning
207
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,038
when the score was tied.
208
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,333
Because I shit my pants
from those fish tacos.
209
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,150
Has she gotten to you, Steve?
210
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,795
Just prove her wrong, Dad.
211
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,797
Play a whole game at second base.
212
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:32,905
No tricks.
213
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,157
Come to today's game.
214
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,450
Should we ride together?
215
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,535
Let's caravan it.
216
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,413
I gotta listen to GWAR
at max volume to get hyped.
217
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,645
Dad's looking real confident.
218
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,212
Yeah, he does.
219
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,132
Now batting, Demetrius Mongoni.
220
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:55,112
A damn fine hitter.
And my brother-in-law.
221
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,721
Easy out, guys.
222
00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,181
No, no, no!
223
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,225
Please, God, no! Mommy, no! I'm scared.
224
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,936
I don't want the ball. No!
225
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,817
No!
226
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,787
Pick up the ball, Smith!
227
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,915
Where is it? Where is it?
228
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,963
Uh-oh. He's in a full-on panic.
229
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,174
He's fishing around in his jock.
230
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,446
Why is this happening to me?
231
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,513
Oh, I got it. I got the ball.
232
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,741
A pine cone?
233
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,576
And it looks like it belongs
234
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,226
to fan favorite Ricky Raccoon,
235
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,229
the unofficial mascot
of the left field bleacher bums.
236
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,778
Hello? A little help here.
237
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:58,074
We got a straggler. Yee-haw!
238
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,429
Oh, no, no, no, not you.
239
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,723
Ooh, look at that. We got a runner.
240
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,207
Yee-haw!
241
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,012
Sir, I'm so sorry about the game.
242
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:23,599
I just don't get why that raccoon
was so butt hurt about his pine cone.
243
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,327
A mystery indeed.
244
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,788
The important thing is,
I want you to know
245
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,499
there's still a place for you
at the CIA.
246
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,982
Thank you, sir.
247
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,031
You're welcome, piss boy.
248
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,534
Goodbye, martinis.
249
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,711
Hey, kiddo, wanna toss
the ol' pill around?
250
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,214
I gotta go meet my friends.
251
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,825
"The man I admired didn't really exist.
252
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,244
"He was a phantom, a figment,
253
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:10,563
"the product of a... conman."
254
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,127
"I realized my Paul Bunyan
255
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,988
"was actually my Paul Blart."
256
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,615
Steve? Hello?
257
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,621
Nahhh.
258
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,979
I owe you an apology, Dad.
259
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,797
Stan's gone. It's all in the note.
260
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,675
"You're better off without me.
261
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,386
"Don't try to find me.
262
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,637
"I'm a broken man.
263
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,825
"I've gone to the place
all broken men go."
264
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:47,933
Where's that?
265
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:48,994
Beats me.
266
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,895
Hey, have you seen your mom lately?
267
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,523
Whee!
268
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,425
Dad left. We have to find him.
269
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,367
- Pass.
- Pass?
270
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,012
Steve, he's your dad.
271
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,138
Are you drinking beer?
272
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,123
It's actually non-alcoholic,
but I've had 30 of them.
273
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,666
Ask me why. Dad!
274
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:13,727
He's a fraud.
275
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,270
Who's a frog? Kermit?
276
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,147
Dad. He left.
277
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,858
Said he went to the place
all broken men go.
278
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:20,966
- Orlando?
- What?
279
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,320
The place where broken men go. Orlando.
280
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,488
So are you going?
281
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,930
I'd go. Let's go.
282
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,557
Orlando.
283
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,685
We're gonna make it happen.
284
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,523
Hey!
285
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,026
Every day.
286
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:52,748
Get him, Stan!
287
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,018
I just want to sell my drugs!
288
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,521
I saw an Iguana use my toilet.
289
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,022
I can give you a free soda.
290
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,298
Didn't I say Orlando?
291
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,901
First place we checked, too.
292
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,426
We're here to bring you home, Dad.
293
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,656
Your family needs you.
Your son needs you.
294
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,949
He's not the same.
295
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,243
Well, he lost an incredible hero.
296
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,620
Now I'm a laughingstock. A pariah.
297
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,312
I could never make that up to him.
298
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,623
You could try.
299
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,773
I could help you.
300
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,191
Are you thinking gifts?
301
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,503
Like a platinum ID bracelet
or a toe ring?
302
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:25,215
I was thinking more we practice softball
so you could redeem yourself in a game.
303
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,199
Become the hero
he always thought you were.
304
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,261
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
305
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,345
No.
306
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,223
The truth is, I'm afraid of the ball.
307
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,331
Yeah, no shit.
308
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,644
As a boy,
I witnessed something terrible.
309
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,229
It traumatized me.
310
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,714
That's what the Iguana did to me.
311
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,110
Pop-ups.
312
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:49,054
People will tell you to use two hands,
but I'm a confident guy.
313
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,472
I use one.
314
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:51,557
Check it out.
315
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,088
There must have been something else
going on with his face.
316
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:08,550
Anyway, the point is, I'm a broken man.
317
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,303
Yeah, well, you've got
a broken son right now.
318
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,829
He needs someone to believe in again.
319
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,831
He needs a hero.
320
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,144
He needs his dad. What do you say?
321
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,003
No. Hey!
322
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,567
You're Houston Astros legend
Mudcat Ranelli, aren't you?
323
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:29,446
I could just be an anonymous old man
paying for sex.
324
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,281
Mudcat's my childhood hero.
325
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,641
Okay. Yes. I'm Mudcat Ranelli.
326
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:37,871
And that's why I'm a broken man
living in exile in Orlando.
327
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:42,274
Maybe you're a broken man,
but you got a broken son right now.
328
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,003
He needs someone to believe in again.
329
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,279
He needs a hero.
330
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,823
He needs his dad.
331
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,051
What do you say?
332
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,928
- Yes.
- Just said that.
333
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,955
You have a wonderful way
of communicating, Mudcat.
334
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,750
Let's get it going! Hit me one!
335
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,340
Wowza.
336
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,427
Dad, you can't quit.
337
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,555
You've got to keep going. For Steve.
338
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,599
- For me.
- For you?
339
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,743
Yeah.
340
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:20,956
I guess this whole thing reminded me,
you used to be my hero, too.
341
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,166
So, when did that stop?
342
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,628
Worshipping your parents
is just a thing kids grow out of, Dad.
343
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:30,173
"There is one sure thing
about the fall of gods.
344
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,092
"They do not fall a little.
345
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:36,638
"They crash and shatter
or sink deeply into green muck."
346
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,746
Steinbeck.
347
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,874
Also, there was that time
you pissed yourself at Chuck E. Cheese.
348
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,876
I was drunk! All the dads were doin' it.
349
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,938
But I think I could look up to you again
350
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:48,650
if you could just face
something that scared you.
351
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,469
Like finally watching Hotel Transylvania
with my eyes open?
352
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,595
No. Like softball.
353
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,888
Shit.
354
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,641
Okay. I'll try.
355
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,604
Whoa, Mudcat!
Let me get you to a hospital.
356
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,939
I can drive myself.
357
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,542
I just need to find my keys.
358
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:09,028
Okay, Dad. Let's get you
over your fear of the ball.
359
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,115
Gotta keep those eyes open, Dad.
360
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,703
David Flincher over here.
361
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,372
That's a good one.
362
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,564
Put me in, Coach
363
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,090
I'm ready to play.
364
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,258
Today.
365
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,862
Thought process here
was that watching Fear Factor
366
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,513
would also help you conquer
your fear of the ball.
367
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,682
Oh, don't eat those habanero peppers.
368
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,226
Put me in, Coach
369
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,978
I'm ready to play.
370
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,414
Today.
371
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,647
See, Dad, you're doing it.
372
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:46,875
Look at me
373
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,983
I can be
374
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,735
I'm not afraid anymore.
375
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,115
And I'm getting veneers.
376
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,176
Yeah!
377
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,327
Centerfield.
378
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,314
Hey. You're ready, Dad.
379
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:13,509
Show Steve, show me,
show everyone what you're made of.
380
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,723
What's the meaning of this, Smith?
381
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,141
I'm ready, sir.
382
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,018
Please, give me a chance.
383
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,394
I won't let you down.
384
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,917
Smith is in.
385
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,527
Damn it, no! This is a mistake!
386
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,280
Two outs, man on third.
387
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,883
Everything on the line.
388
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:37,991
Thoughts?
389
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,511
He'll never score, sir.
390
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:40,994
That's great news.
391
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,100
- Mongoni?
- Mongoni?
392
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,542
Yeah, Mongoni.
393
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,104
Hmm, he's a total ringer.
394
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,754
Plays on, like, five teams.
395
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,979
Yes!
396
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,987
No!
397
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,493
I got it.
398
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,384
You cost me a shutout, Smith.
399
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,803
You already proved your point.
400
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,282
Did you really need
to tear dad down again?
401
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,409
I wasn't trying to tear him down.
402
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,953
I was trying to build him back up.
403
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,872
- You were?
- Yeah.
404
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,939
I used to worship him, too, you know.
405
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,418
And I am sorry
for taking that away from you.
406
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,961
It's okay.
407
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:58,113
Even though I wasn't quite ready
to lose my superhero,
408
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,133
everyone's time comes, I guess.
409
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,366
Not me.
410
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,386
I still have my superhero.
411
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,971
Chris Pratt.
412
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,557
So funny, so sexy.
413
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,017
He's an important reminder
414
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:13,378
that we all have a responsibility
to be both those things.
415
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:19,259
Dad, Hayley and I wrote a new essay.
416
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,344
Read it.
417
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:25,158
"Our dad might not be a superhero
or a sports hero,
418
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:29,287
"but he showed up and tried for us.
419
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:33,291
"And that's why he's our hero."
420
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:36,985
Thank you, guys.
But this is still very bad.
421
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,988
Shh. Just rest now.
422
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,199
Have you seen your mother?
423
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,008
Hello?
424
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:02,135
Hey. What's up?
29294
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