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1
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All my life, I felt like
I was just going through the motions.
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,816
Walking left, walking right,
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,509
as if I were a background character
in my own life.
4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,136
And then I saw her.
5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,930
We locked eyes and that was it.
6
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,849
I loved her instantly.
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:17,809
We've been together ever since.
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,021
They don't usually let us talk.
9
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,481
I shot my first husband!
10
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,071
Good morning, USA
11
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:33,658
I got a feeling
That it's gonna be a wonderful day.
12
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,679
The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face.
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:40,290
And he's shining a salute
To the American race.
14
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:46,272
Oh, boy, it's swell to say.
15
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,840
Good morning, USA.
16
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,887
Good morning, USA.
17
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:01,144
Wow.
18
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:04,248
Wow is right. We couldn't sleep either.
19
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:07,650
Tomorrow is the big day.
It's all come down to this.
20
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,235
The overnight class trip.
21
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,656
To the most romantic city
in the world, Philadelphia.
22
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,992
Two nights, no parents.
23
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,180
You're going to literally
fall in love in the city of love.
24
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,265
Well, it's the City of Brotherly Love.
25
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,334
And, brother, you're gonna fall in love.
26
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,714
Steve, tell us again about Milk Girl.
27
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:30,840
Again?
28
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,485
Give us the goss, boss.
29
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,053
Well, as you all know,
she's a tenth grader.
30
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,558
She sits in the front row
of my AP Philadelphia class,
31
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,269
puts her backpack
on the left side of her chair,
32
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,438
and she drinks a ton of milk.
33
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,582
No cap.
34
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,442
I've been in love with her
from afar all year,
35
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,338
and this is the trip where I turn afar
36
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:55,365
into a-close.
37
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,038
- Is that her?
- No.
38
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,164
Is that her?
39
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,893
Guys, I promise
when you see her, you will know.
40
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,103
Ee!
41
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,712
Francine, please try to be cool.
42
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:15,236
Guess who just transferred
into AP Philadelphia.
43
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,720
I heard you guys
were going to the US Mint,
44
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:21,325
and I've always been super curious
about what money looks like.
45
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,203
I figured we could sit together
on the bus
46
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,498
and you can catch me up
on other Philadelphia stuff.
47
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,126
Like how cream cheese became a city.
48
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,252
- He can't!
- He can't!
49
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:34,737
Would that I could, pal.
See this cooler? Full of milk.
50
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,967
I'm talking skim, whole,
almond, unpasteurized.
51
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,618
Milk of Magnesia,
should the unpasteurized be a problem.
52
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,514
So the plan is,
I sit next to her on the bus.
53
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:47,393
Dazzle her with the milk buffet.
Just lay a solid foundation.
54
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:50,086
By the time we get
to the Rocky Statue part of the trip,
55
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,273
we'll be practically engaged.
56
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,757
OMG, OMG, OMG. That's gotta be her.
57
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,946
She's here. OMG. Don't look.
She's perfect just like he said.
58
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,472
There is just something
so sweet about her.
59
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,367
And even though
I don't know her name yet,
60
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:05,578
I know we are destined to be together.
61
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,662
Listen up.
62
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:11,107
I only teach this class
for the free trip to Filthydelphia.
63
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,402
I look forward to it all year.
64
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,363
I'm counting on you kids to be cool.
65
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,782
Phew! That's strong.
66
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,784
This is my boy Marty.
67
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,263
Normally, I'd have some teachers
or parents chaperone,
68
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:30,168
but lucky for you, Marty is in town
and he's looking to get out of town.
69
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,295
And now, attendance.
70
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,798
I see Milk Girl.
71
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,843
There's Milk Girl's little friend.
72
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,136
And, yeah.
73
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,699
You know what?
It looks like you're all here.
74
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,391
If you're here, just get on the bus.
75
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:51,981
Excuse me.
76
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,149
Excuse.
77
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:54,567
Sorry.
78
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,693
Coming through.
79
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,822
Um, what do you think you're doing?
I am sitting here.
80
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,827
Don't freak out. It's vintage.
81
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,181
This fox has been dead
for, like, 70 years.
82
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,998
I wear it to remind me of my grandma.
83
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,252
She was a stone-cold fox.
Still is, actually.
84
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,480
And what a bitch. I really admire her.
85
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,880
I can't believe it!
86
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,423
That my grandma is my best friend?
87
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,591
What? No.
88
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,195
I was supposed to be sitting
next to a girl up there.
89
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,762
I had the perfect plan.
90
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,390
We were gonna fall in love on this bus.
91
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,327
Well, your perfect plan
had a fatal flaw.
92
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,620
Love doesn't exist.
93
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,038
Anyway, hi. I'm Ali.
94
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,792
Well, I'm Steve, and that's insane.
Of course, love exists.
95
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,860
- No, it doesn't.
- It does, and it conquers all.
96
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,154
Me and that girl up there are soulmates.
97
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:41,614
Which girl?
98
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,740
The girl drinking milk.
99
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:44,218
What's her name?
100
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,203
"What's in a name?" Shakespeare.
101
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,622
- So you don't even know her name.
- You're distracting me.
102
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,767
- I have to do something.
- Something embarrassing?
103
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,229
I'm writing a note asking her out
on a date once we get to Philly.
104
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,588
Smart move. Weird and embarrassing.
105
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,507
Pass this up to Milk Girl.
106
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,819
I can't believe I get to watch this.
107
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:02,969
Believe it, honey.
108
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,345
That's a ghost pepper.
109
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,352
Help! Somebody help me!
110
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,671
Hi, Steve. How's it going back there?
111
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,238
I need a drink! Please!
112
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,576
- Nice try, kid.
- You're an amazing chaperone.
113
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,633
Well, my life is over.
114
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:46,387
So, she got your note. She says, "Yes."
115
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:50,016
Love conquers all.
116
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,747
We've actually never met Milk Girl,
117
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,690
but we've adjusted our wills
to include her.
118
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,693
Oh, we were hoping
you could tell us how you two met.
119
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:03,339
Us? He picked me up
on the side of the road.
120
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,841
Anyway, back to Milk Girl.
121
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,426
She's a tenth grader.
122
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,370
- Drinks a ton of milk.
- Drinks a ton of milk.
123
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,426
God, I love Philly.
Philly is the Paris of America.
124
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,614
Yo, what kind of steak did you get?
Whiz, whiz, plus pizza?
125
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,741
Yeah, look at them jawns.
126
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:34,852
Mm. The food,
the language, just gorgeous.
127
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,897
I can't believe
people wonder why I do this.
128
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,447
Thanks for meeting me.
129
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,802
The janitor told me this spot
had the most romantic view
130
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,744
of the holiday inn across the street.
131
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,831
Got milk? Why, yes, I have.
132
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:59,228
So, I've been watching you,
not in a creepy way,
133
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:04,340
and I know I don't know you,
but I feel like I do.
134
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,654
And I hope you won't mind me saying so,
but I love you.
135
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,014
Oh, my God, Steve. Of course, you do.
136
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,244
And you do know me, and you do love me,
137
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,646
because I'm Reese Witherspoon.
138
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,190
- What?
- This is so great.
139
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,900
- It is?
- Yes.
140
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,361
I had to go undercover
as a high school student
141
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,507
to prove to the studio
I could still play a 17-year-old.
142
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,634
They said if a boy asks me on a date
143
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:33,971
and says he's in love with me,
they would make the movie.
144
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,788
So, thank you, Steve.
145
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:39,041
You singlehandedly green-lit
Election II Omaha Drift.
146
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,270
Wait. Do you even like milk?
147
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,630
I hate milk.
I'm just a really good actress.
148
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:47,967
Oh, my God!
149
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,931
I also do my own stunts!
150
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,814
How did I meet babe?
Well, actually, it's a great story.
151
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,877
How did we meet, babe?
152
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,236
You don't remember how we met?
153
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,238
Okay, here's how we met.
154
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:13,534
Did we meet at a Braves game?
155
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,455
Who are these people?
156
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,687
And then Reese Witherspoon
just jumped off the roof.
157
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:25,963
This is crazy.
158
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,192
Have you seen these?
159
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,735
What even are these?
160
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,321
You grab one, you get like 30.
161
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,473
Philadelphia is full of wonders.
162
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,977
Oh, my God. My parents keep calling me.
163
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,270
What am I gonna tell them?
164
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,356
I went to Philly
and didn't fall in love?
165
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:47,652
I think that girl in the fur coat
threw something at you.
166
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:52,758
Hey, you! What are you throwing?
167
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,076
- Eggs.
- There's eggs?
168
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,161
Okay, this I gotta see.
169
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,350
Sorry. I was just, like,
trying to hit you in the face
170
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,518
with all those eggs.
171
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,876
That's not an apology.
172
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,169
Everyone, shut up.
173
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,898
Marty is missing. So is the bus.
174
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:10,466
Here is a napkin
with some places I think we were at.
175
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,302
Pass it around.
Take a photo, commit it to memory.
176
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:14,887
Whatever you have to do.
177
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,075
Here's the plan.
Buddy system. That's all I got.
178
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:21,352
Whoever you are standing next to is
your partner for the rest of the trip.
179
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,731
Do no separate. Do not lose each other.
180
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,335
I'm still rolling my face off.
181
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,487
It goes without saying that everything
we were supposed to do is canceled.
182
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,924
I don't wanna hear that
you guys were at the Liberty Bell
183
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,968
or at Betsy Ross' house or some shit.
184
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:39,263
You have one objective. Find my friend.
185
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,557
Whoever finds Marty gets an A.
186
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,333
And whoever doesn't find him gets an F!
187
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,668
Move, move, move, move!
188
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,757
I don't even know
where Reese Witherspoon
189
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,342
was hiding the parachute.
190
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,573
So, you're, like, dramatic, huh?
That's your thing?
191
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,951
That's your takeaway?
Don't you think my story's insane?
192
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,830
I once saw Gwyneth Paltrow
sunbathing naked on top of a moving car.
193
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,290
Actresses are cool.
194
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,710
- Can I tell you what your problem is?
- That will be perfect. Why don't you?
195
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,379
You have high expectations,
and you think things matter,
196
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,946
but nothing matters.
197
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:16,907
"Nothing matters."
Will you listen to yourself?
198
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:20,202
If we don't find Lewis' friend,
we'll get Fs in the class.
199
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,597
That doesn't matter to you.
200
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,164
Now you're getting it.
201
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,018
Oh, no! Gum!
202
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:29,021
There's gum on me! Who would do this?
203
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,964
This is what I mean
when I say you're dramatic.
204
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:36,927
I really thought I was in love,
but she was never even an option.
205
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,865
Are you right? Is love not real?
206
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,118
It's good you found out now.
Some people never learn.
207
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,518
Oh, man.
208
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,687
How are we gonna find Marty?
209
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,815
I'm a heartbroken child
in a strange land.
210
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,835
Calm down, Dame Judi Dench.
211
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:54,695
My family moved to Langley last year,
but I'm from Philly.
212
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,281
This is my town. Hand me that napkin.
213
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,951
Oh. Cool.
My dad's favorite strip club is on here.
214
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:05,831
Hi. Hello.
215
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,142
Yo, what can I get you?
216
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,543
Um, I'm hoping you could help me.
217
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,253
Yeah, yeah, all right. With or without?
218
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,900
I... I'm sorry.
I don't speak that language.
219
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:19,321
I'm looking for
a large, drunk gentleman!
220
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,014
Okay, you need to get yourself sorted
and stop yelling at me.
221
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,851
I'm so sorry.
It's just that I don't have a chaperone,
222
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,562
or a partner, or a bus.
223
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,482
And I don't know anything.
224
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,443
And I'm all alone.
225
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,630
Don't cry, dude. I'll help you.
226
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,864
Lou! I'm taking the rest of the day off!
227
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,511
Anne-Marie, I swear to Christ,
if you do this again, you're fired.
228
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,036
What did you say to me?
229
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,764
He's used the same needle
for the last five people.
230
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,076
It's fine. We're sisters.
231
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,705
So the guy you're looking for got
his bellybutton pierced around 2:00 a.m.
232
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,957
and then he drank a bunch of ink
and ran out.
233
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,441
Cool.
234
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,920
Does your chest tattoo
say " Dallas"?
235
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:19,280
Yeah, Cowboys could suck my.
236
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:25,846
So when are we gonna start
looking for my principal's friend?
237
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,931
Yo, Snot, what do you think happens
when you die?
238
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,224
I don't know.
239
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,499
Well, I do.
240
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,394
My Uncle Jimmy fell off the 700th level
241
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,813
of the old Veterans Stadium
trying to reach a foul ball.
242
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589
He was legally dead for four minutes.
243
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,883
You know, he got that ball though.
244
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,738
Anyways, he says what happens
when you die is you sit in a room
245
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,931
waiting for God to tell you
if you were a big enough Phillies fan.
246
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,119
I didn't know that.
247
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,395
I feel I could tell you
anything, Snotter.
248
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,998
I'm really glad you're my boyfriend.
249
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,524
- I am?
- You bet your tits you are.
250
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:04,134
We've been almost everywhere on the list
and have no useful information.
251
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,262
Here's what we do know.
You're obsessed with the little napkin.
252
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,079
I'm not obsessed with the napkin.
253
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,708
You're in a strip club
and you haven't taken your eyes off it.
254
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,544
These women are off duty.
They deserve their privacy.
255
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,130
So they were here around midnight
but got kicked out.
256
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,675
I guess they kept trying to pay
for drinks with a fake credit card.
257
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,595
It wasn't even a credit card.
It was a sticker of a cat.
258
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,324
They wanted to donate plasma?
259
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,618
No, they came in looking to get plasma.
260
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,102
They were very clear
about not wanting to donate any.
261
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:35,290
They did, however, want to donate sperm.
Not something we do here.
262
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:39,026
But before I could answer, one of them
had relations with our mail chute.
263
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,739
This is so stupid!
We're never gonna find this guy!
264
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,786
I give up.
265
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,515
I know a great place to eat close by.
266
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:55,185
It's not on the napkin though,
so you probably don't wanna go.
267
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,813
Screw the napkin. Nothing matters.
268
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,775
Hey, can you give me a ride
to New York City, or Washington DC?
269
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,319
Or maybe we could skiing in the Poconos.
270
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:08,597
Philadelphia, three hours away
from a lot of great stuff.
271
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,202
This place is the best.
272
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,311
I used to come here
all the time with my friend.
273
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,623
It's probably
the spiciest restaurant in Philly.
274
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,916
Can you handle it?
275
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,335
I'm a new man. Bring it on.
276
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,945
Speaking of spicy, check them out.
277
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,156
Oh, my God.
278
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,120
Whoa, hey, Ali.
What are you doing in town, bud?
279
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,414
We, uh...
280
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,207
We're on a field trip.
281
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,334
Oh, man, that sounds lame.
282
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,521
What up? I'm Derrex, and this is Royce.
283
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,338
I'm his girlfriend.
284
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,924
We just said "I love you"
for the first time.
285
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,553
See, Ali, love is real.
286
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,533
We're celebrating
at our fave spicy restaurant.
287
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,642
We love spicy stuff.
288
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,811
Well, have a good field trip.
289
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,149
They seem fun. How do you know Derrex?
290
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,836
He's my ex-boyfriend.
291
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,840
Well, not boyfriend.
Because he... we don't believe
292
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,384
in labels or love.
293
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,677
Do you wanna leave?
294
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,262
We can't just leave.
295
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,891
It will look like I'm upset,
and I'm not.
296
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,709
I'm actually really happy for him.
297
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,088
Steve, don't. That's a Carolina Reaper.
298
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,348
I'll have what he's heaving.
299
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,162
Hey, I know you ate that pepper for me.
300
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:41,398
You think I liquefied my insides
just to get you out of that restaurant?
301
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,566
No way.
302
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,111
That hospital was on the napkin
and I'm obsessed with the napkin, so...
303
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,531
I'm sorry you had to throw up
and have diarrhea all over the place.
304
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,576
I prefer to think of it
as throwing up and throwing down.
305
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,180
Take my coat.
You must be freezing.
306
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,290
No way. I love this dress.
It's nice on me.
307
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,501
Don't be an idiot. Take it.
308
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:21,206
My queen, why are we
hot wiring a cop car?
309
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,440
Because we ain't got the keys, you dope!
310
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:35,637
I saw this raisin in 2007 in the lobby
of the Ambassador Hotel in Chicago.
311
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:39,224
It was just sitting there on the floor
and I thought it was a bug.
312
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,291
But, no, it was a raisin.
313
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,919
And now it's my raisin.
314
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,525
Guys, I'm sorry
I didn't call back sooner.
315
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,819
It's been a really wild 24 hours.
316
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,780
Why are we still talking to you?
Put Milk Girl on.
317
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,640
Actually, I have some bad news
about Milk Girl.
318
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:57,993
You're scaring us, Steve.
319
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,078
She's gone. She was...
320
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,830
What the hell do you mean "gone"?
321
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,939
How could you let this happen, Steven?
322
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,650
- She was...
- We were gonna invite her to Christmas.
323
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:11,655
We made a jacket for her that says
"Milk Girl is in our family now."
324
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,949
Sorry. I didn't ask you to do that.
325
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:18,221
Dad drained our pool
and filled it with milk.
326
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,955
What are we supposed to do with a pool
327
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,808
full of milk, Steve?
328
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,728
Um, guys, I got really high
329
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:28,023
and I accidentally ordered
a truck full of cereal,
330
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,984
and it just got here,
and I don't know what to do.
331
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:34,428
I tried to eat it, but it's just so dry.
332
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:38,932
Steve, it looks like everything
just might work out after all.
333
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,285
Get the giant spoon, honey.
334
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,227
I'm working on it.
335
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,524
- I couldn't sleep.
- I couldn't either.
336
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,693
I just can't stop
thinking about that kiss.
337
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,130
Me neither. It was absolutely...
338
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,256
A mistake, right?
339
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,407
I mean, that's not us.
That's not who we are.
340
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,470
It obviously didn't mean anything,
so I think we should just forget it.
341
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,746
Plus, it was unprofessional. You agree.
342
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,142
Everyone, wake up.
343
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:07,062
Where is Marty? What the hell, guys?
344
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,255
If you don't find him by 9:00 a.m.,
you are all expelled!
345
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,192
And I'll also kill you.
346
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:16,386
I'll start killing one of you
every five minutes until he is found.
347
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,682
Starting now.
348
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,477
I was just sneaking to my cousin's room.
349
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,208
I freaking love you!
350
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,526
I freaking love you, too!
351
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,757
I guess you've
never heard of Tasty Kakes
352
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,033
or you would have thought
that was really funny.
353
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,513
Steve, it seems like
you're trying to be really quiet.
354
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,372
I'm not trying. I'm just...
355
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,923
Oh, look,
Steve's running and crying.
356
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,142
Steve! Oh, my God!
357
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:04,536
I'm in love!
358
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,662
That's great, man.
359
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,623
Don't worry, buddy.
We're calling for backup.
360
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,626
Dispatch, we got a kid
smooshed between two vehicles.
361
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,087
He looks more jacked up
than a Philly fanatic tattoo
362
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,320
my cousin Donovan gave me
363
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,507
under the bleachers
at the Mummers Parade. Over.
364
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,092
Steve, are you okay?
365
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,260
Not really.
366
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:23,096
I knew it.
You were being really quiet before.
367
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,789
Well, now I'm hurt more than before,
like, physically.
368
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,792
But I was hurt emotionally first.
369
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:33,523
When someone tells me a kiss we had
was a mistake, it bums me out.
370
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,508
You're one of the kids
I met a couple of days ago.
371
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,926
And I know what you're thinking.
372
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,655
But I'm not being dramatic.
I'm just being real.
373
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,764
You say you don't have
any feelings at all
374
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,933
and that nothing matters,
but it's an act.
375
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,644
You're the Dame Judi Dench, not me.
376
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,062
I like you.
377
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:52,107
I know that's not a cool thing to say,
but I'm not a cool guy.
378
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,586
And if you don't like me back,
I can take it.
379
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,112
But you have to tell me how you feel.
380
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,008
Steve, let's talk about this later.
381
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,950
No! Nobody touch me!
382
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:05,871
I'm not going to the hospital
until you tell me how you feel about me.
383
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,081
Fine, I like you.
384
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,960
Marty! He's back.
385
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,797
You thought he was dead.
Cried in your room all night.
386
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,676
I think everyone learned
a valuable lesson.
387
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,679
Marty always comes through!
388
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,515
When we first met, we hated each other.
389
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,684
I didn't hate you.
I just thought you were a dork.
390
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:30,979
And then Milk Girl was Reese Witherspoon
and we became friends.
391
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,582
And we're still just friends.
392
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,566
I know you like me. You said it.
393
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,419
- I'm not sure I said that.
- She said it.
394
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,296
You were smooshed
between a bus and a car.
395
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,714
I was. I was.
396
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,633
You were refusing medical attention.
397
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,533
Yes, yes, that too.
398
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:47,055
Anyway, she's a tenth grader
and I'm still in ninth grade,
399
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,766
so I'm not allowed to make
eye contact with her in school.
400
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:53,603
But in a couple of years,
we'll both be upperclassmen,
401
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,022
so we'll see how it plays out.
402
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,090
Yeah. I guess we'll see.
31179
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