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1
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,527
Can I pour you some more wine?
2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,225
It comes from the grape
region of France.
3
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,706
I think you'll find it pairs
well with food.
4
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:13,752
Jeff, I've had cooked fish
in sauce before.
5
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,798
But this? This is special.
6
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,974
And served with rice!
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,932
Thanks.
It's my mother's recipe.
8
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,152
She was from the old country...
Florida.
9
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:23,632
We thought it would be nice
10
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,460
to have you guys over
for a dinner party.
11
00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:29,594
After all, you two have hosted
us for several thousand meals.
12
00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,032
We were nothing like this
when we were first newlyweds.
13
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,468
It's true.
14
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:35,948
I had to reform your
mother's party girl ways.
15
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,559
That's not how it was.
16
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,952
Your father was hopeless
when I met him.
17
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:43,956
The house had no furniture.
He used a sock for underwear.
18
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,350
And for a napkin,
he used whichever sock
19
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,265
he wasn't using as underwear.
20
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,137
Well, I wasn't
exactly hopeless...
21
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,791
young C.I.A. agent in my prime?
22
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,924
I was a physical specimen.
23
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:58,145
Firm chest. Chestnut buttocks.
And my penis?
24
00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:01,931
A muscled servant ready to obey
my every command.
25
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,280
Dad!
26
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,977
I'm sorry, Hayley,
but these are facts.
27
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,545
Francine was lucky she locked
me down when she did.
28
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,417
That's not what you said
at the time.
29
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,333
Remember the night of
the placemats conversation?
30
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:15,118
Of course. That was the night
I won the big argument.
31
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,164
I won the argument, Stan.
32
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:21,168
The sweet man I married
admitted I was right.
33
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,213
We should have placemats.
34
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,607
Please. I remember exactly
how it happened.
35
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:26,869
We were in the living room.
36
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,653
Show me. Show me exactly.
37
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:32,179
Maybe that'll jog
your thick memory.
38
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,876
Was it my food?
39
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,618
Did you have to serve
your mom's Florida Cursed Fish
40
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,489
with Argument Sauce?
41
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,306
This was you...
42
00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:14,438
"I'm lucky to have a guy
like you, Stan.
43
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:17,659
Thanks for putting up with me
even when I'm being ridiculous!"
44
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:20,401
No. No! It was more like,
45
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,186
"Francine, I've got
a lot to learn,
46
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,232
but you're the best thing
in my life,
47
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,885
and I just want
to make you happy."
48
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,452
That does not sound like me.
49
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,237
I remember it exactly.
50
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,239
You were standing
right over there.
51
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,260
You know what? There's a simple
way to settle this.
52
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,243
Time travel.
53
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:40,247
Oh, I wish I had a time machine
right now,
54
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:43,250
so I could fast-forward
to when we get to the C.I.A.'s
55
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:46,078
time machine,
and I'm proven right.
56
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,777
Francine, it's like
a nine-second drive.
57
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,693
Can't believe Hayley and Jeff
are having a dinner party
58
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,216
the same night as mine.
59
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,652
You could've invited them
anyway.
60
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,239
No, they bring nothing
to the conversation.
61
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,655
They're zeroes.
62
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,285
Is anyone else even coming
to this party?
63
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:00,658
Of course!
64
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,965
Jurgen, Danuta, my various boys.
65
00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:05,097
Roger even RSVP'd "maybe."
66
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:07,883
- Where is everybody?
- They're coming!
67
00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:09,145
They're just running late.
68
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,929
Traffic is solid orange.
69
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,409
Well, I'm starving.
70
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:15,151
I'm digging into whatever
these fried balls are.
71
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,501
Ugh. Klaus, what is in this?
72
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:18,937
Skittles.
73
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,548
Blue package.
74
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,509
Do you always park here?
75
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,792
Yeah. I did it once, and it
just kind of became my thing.
76
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,905
I got the machine.
You know, it's interesting.
77
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,341
We've had the tech for years,
78
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,517
but Bullock insisted
we keep refining it
79
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,216
till it was small enough to fit
in a chimpanzee's asshole.
80
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,478
Why?
81
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,846
That's how big
he wants everything.
82
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,133
- So, where's the machine?
- It's in my butt.
83
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,484
Does it have to be there
to work?
84
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,790
Hmm. I guess not?
85
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,492
Did you...?
86
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:52,754
Yeah, yeah. I washed it. Yeah.
87
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,538
So, the argument happened
the night
88
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,932
when Rachel on Friends
turned 30.
89
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,716
At least we can agree on that.
90
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,110
Thursday nights back then,
we'd go over to Tuttle's.
91
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:02,503
He's our oldest friend.
92
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:05,157
We'd watch Friends,
Inside Schwartz,
93
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,769
then we'd change the channel
to watch Temptation Island
94
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:10,162
until Tuttle would say
he was too horny,
95
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,792
and the show was
making him uncomfortable.
96
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,557
Then, we'd change the channel
to ER,
97
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,167
calm him down, and go home.
98
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,778
Now, if we're traveling in time,
99
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,997
we can't let our younger selves
see us.
100
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,627
We could really mess up
the time stream...
101
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,740
create alternate futures,
that kind of thing.
102
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,308
The president is a dinosaur,
there's no Sinbad.
103
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,962
In that case, I would hope.
104
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:29,834
President Brontosaurus
would appoint a new Sinbad.
105
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,837
So, we go upstairs,
beam to that very night,
106
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:36,580
right after ER ends, wait for
our young selves to come in,
107
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,756
watch the argument,
figure out who's right,
108
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,845
and then jump back to the future
for the apologies
109
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,238
and the apology cake.
110
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,848
Apology cake?
111
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,589
Oh, you'll be baking one.
112
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:46,851
The cake can be any flavor.
113
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,766
The point's more
the humiliation.
114
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:53,075
Oh, you're gonna be
the one humiliated, Stan.
115
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,686
Fire that thing up,
and let's go.
116
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,690
Wow. Remember this?
117
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,823
That poster was so cool.
118
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,215
Never saw the film.
119
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,217
Shh! I hear ourselves.
120
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,089
Should we find a better place
to hide?
121
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,265
There's no... time.
122
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,136
Wow.
I just love that show.
123
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,095
Imagine having five friends!
124
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,315
You have friends, Stan!
125
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,013
I have three...
Dick and Sanders. Tuttle.
126
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,842
And, well, I also have
my best friend...
127
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,366
you, Francine.
128
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,281
You know, I noticed
Tuttle's placemats.
129
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,370
I used to think they were just
for show-offs.
130
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:30,242
Now, I see they're an important
part of crumb management.
131
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,636
You were right, Francine.
We should buy some placemats.
132
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,421
Aww, Stan.
133
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,987
I already did.
134
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,949
Hey, roomies!
What are you spying on?
135
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,651
Oh, right.
136
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,653
Our roommate, Radika.
137
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:53,265
She was always doing laundry
at the most inconvenient times.
138
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,964
Ugh. Could this be
any worse?
139
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,147
Let's all put our guns away.
140
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,757
We're you from the future.
141
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,933
We traveled in time
and did everything perfectly.
142
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,675
Except we forgot about Radika,
the tenant who used to rent
143
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,460
what's now
Steve and Hayley's rooms.
144
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,287
Who are Steve and Hayley?
145
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,072
Who's this old lady?
146
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,378
Please, honey.
147
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,902
We look basically
exactly the same.
148
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:24,209
Also, that hair doesn't work for
you the way you think it does.
149
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,907
Shoot 'em, Stan! Shoot 'em!
150
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,300
Hang on. Hang on.
Nobody needs to shoot anybody.
151
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,128
We time traveled here
from the future,
152
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,827
using C.I.A. technology,
to settle an argument.
153
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,698
Francine, I'd die
to protect you,
154
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,221
but this guy's story checks out.
155
00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:37,527
Radika, all this is kind of
156
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,200
an American thing
you wouldn't understand.
157
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,661
I'm from Ohio!
158
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:41,923
Do I need to kill Radika?
159
00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,490
No, no. It's okay.
160
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:46,144
Radika, does this honestly
seem like something
161
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:49,844
you want to be involved with?
162
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:51,454
Bye, Radika!
163
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,500
You know, I always had
a little thing for Radika.
164
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:58,374
So, you two came back in time
to settle an argument?
165
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,160
And great news, I...
and therefore you... were right!
166
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,466
Of course we were.
167
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,163
We're friggin' Francine.
168
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,557
Maybe you were right on
the details and the facts,
169
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,342
but bigger picture,
I couldn't be more right.
170
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,780
Look at this fine chunk
of manflesh.
171
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,217
You were lucky to lock
this down, Francine.
172
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,523
Uh, 'scuse me?
173
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,220
This ain't exactly nothin'!
174
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,918
Yeah, show her, Francine!
175
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:24,748
Stan, look at that fine ass
and apologize.
176
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,184
You want me to look at it?
177
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,882
At least enough to be polite.
178
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,536
As long as you guys are here,
179
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:32,800
shall we rip a pitcher
of Franny's Crazy 'Ritas?
180
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,517
They're called "crazy"
'cause I put so much
181
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,194
alcohol and pills in 'em.
182
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:41,983
Girl, I was you, I remember you,
and I love you.
183
00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:45,160
Gah, feel how firm
this couch is!
184
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,770
You need to savor this.
185
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,207
Over the years, it gets kind of
old and worked in.
186
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,210
A lot of things get kind of old
and worked in.
187
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,995
Excuse me?
188
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,518
You know what, Stan?
189
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,172
As long as I'm back here,
190
00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:59,827
I'm gonna go to Buckaroo's Pizza
one last time.
191
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:02,394
Appreciate that place.
It's about to close.
192
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,440
Oh, no!
What happens to Martino?
193
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,181
If I know.
194
00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:09,227
When I get back, Stan, I hope
you're ready to apologize.
195
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:10,664
Me, too.
196
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,535
Dude, you're not gonna
accompany your lady?
197
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,189
Nah. I'm gonna sit here
and enjoy
198
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,408
the former firmness
of the couch,
199
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,585
then maybe play
some Jurassic Park pinball.
200
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,717
Great game. Never saw the movie.
201
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,070
Roger, Klaus is losing it.
202
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,594
No one's coming to his party.
203
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,247
I'm paralyzed!
204
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,815
Because he's Klaus, I know
no one else will show up.
205
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,035
So that means I don't have
to come in a persona.
206
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,602
I can come as myself.
207
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:39,301
But who is that, Steve?
What does that mean?
208
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,868
I don't know how Roger dresses.
209
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,260
I don't know how Roger acts.
210
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:46,264
I... I don't know Roger!
211
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,833
Roger. Roger.
212
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,269
We can do this.
213
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:52,836
Because you know who this is?
214
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,013
This vulnerable guy
I'm talking to?
215
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,059
That's Roger.
216
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,540
Roger's bald?
217
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,632
So, I don't know
if you're allowed,
218
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:08,417
but can you tell me anything
about the future?
219
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,290
Oh, you've got lots of stuff
to look forward to.
220
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,858
We go to Korea
to investigate rumors
221
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,468
of a reinvented Noah's Ark.
222
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:19,080
You bring James Garfield
back to life.
223
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,951
You become a horse briefly.
224
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,910
There's a salt mine
in our backyard.
225
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,868
Do... Do we have any kids?
226
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,304
Oh, yeah!
227
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,524
We also have a talking fish
named Klaus,
228
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,266
and an alien named Roger
lives with us.
229
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,660
There's a koala named Reginald
for a while.
230
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,400
Forget what happens to him.
231
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:39,753
And then, there's Rogu,
who kind of came off of Roger.
232
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,146
So, Rogu is Roger's baby?
233
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:46,586
Not in the traditional sense,
but he does breastfeed him.
234
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:54,115
So, I gotta say, I'm kind of
liking the sloppy,
235
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:56,683
older thing you got going on,
Old Stan.
236
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,641
- Oh, yeah?
- There's no term for this,
237
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,863
but I've always been into
the bods of dads.
238
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:05,343
- "Dad bod."
- Oh, my God, that's so funny.
239
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,345
You're so funny.
240
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,696
You are a dad, aren't you?
241
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,915
Did you knock me up, Stan?
242
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,308
I sure did.
243
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,590
We have a daughter,
Hayley, and...
244
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,789
Don't tell me their names.
245
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,399
I don't wanna hear the names.
246
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,707
Just tell me you knocked
me up real good.
247
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,360
Maybe you shouldn't
get so close.
248
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,754
Old Francine's already
pretty mad at me.
249
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,166
She'll be even madder
if she heard me
250
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,714
call her "Old Francine."
251
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,325
That better be
our little secret, then.
252
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:33,371
Maybe we should have
other secrets.
253
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:36,200
We could even get Radika
in the mix...
254
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,160
fully clothed and completely
off-limits to you, of course,
255
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,816
but she'd be in the mix.
256
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,948
Francine, I know
all I ever talk about
257
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,124
is how I'm gonna kill
Osama bin Laden,
258
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,387
but I'm also full of
a lot of love.
259
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:54,001
And just as much as I want
to kill him, I love you.
260
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,743
Whatever I did that you're mad
at me about in the future,
261
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,179
I apologize.
262
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,181
You were right, and I'm sorry.
263
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,400
You're gonna have a great life.
264
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:04,402
Enjoy every second of it.
265
00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:05,969
Is that Radika?
266
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:09,103
Get in here, girl!
267
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:11,975
What the...?
I should've known!
268
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,237
You!
269
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,631
How could I not see that coming?
270
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,939
You pulled a classic
separation move on me!
271
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:22,159
I taught us that...
to use against others!
272
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,770
We never made that deal!
273
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,380
Share your man!
274
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,338
Are... Are you mad
about this, me?
275
00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:28,600
Not really.
276
00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,124
I mean, if you're me,
277
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,213
then I'm about to have sex
for the eighth time!
278
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,389
That's a healthy attitude.
279
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,784
Wanna come over here and give me
a double extra good-time,
280
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,437
Stanning?
281
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,613
See if you can make your wangs
meet in the middle.
282
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,051
Staniel, may I see you
in the kitchen?
283
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:47,271
- Which one of...
- You!
284
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,708
I can't believe you.
285
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,667
Cheating on me the first
second you get a chance?
286
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,495
Yeah, but cheating on you
with you.
287
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,844
That's romantic.
288
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,716
I have an idea.
289
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,806
What if both Francines cool off
with a hot steamy shower...
290
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:03,026
You know what?
If you love the past so much,
291
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:06,769
you can stay here until
you've learned your lesson.
292
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,946
Why don't you keep him if you
want him so much, young me?
293
00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,295
I'm going back to the present.
294
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:12,775
Wait, Francine.
295
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,038
You can't leave two Stans
here in one timeline.
296
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,084
What if we kiss,
and can't stop kissing?
297
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,913
Fine. I'm taking the Stan
I like better.
298
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:23,264
Goodbye, Stan.
299
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,483
Okay. All right. No problem.
300
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:28,008
I still have you in your prime.
301
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,487
Now, where were we?
302
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:32,534
Actually, some of the stuff
old me was saying
303
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:33,840
sounded kind of bad.
304
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,319
Don't listen to her.
She's crazy.
305
00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:38,322
- She's me!
- I-I meant crazy in a cool way.
306
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,672
Cool Runnings.
Is that from now?
307
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:44,502
I'd be pretty mad if you slept
with 20-years-ago me.
308
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,027
- She'd be 8.
- Exactly, you perv!
309
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:50,334
I'm gonna crash at Trish's
until I find my own place.
310
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,860
Good luck, Stan.
311
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,340
Santa? Oh.
312
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,041
Mr. and Mrs. S.
313
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:04,305
You decided to return
for hookah, figs,
314
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:05,741
and apricot brandy.
315
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,352
Hayley, your father and I
went back in time
316
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:09,876
to settle our argument,
317
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,748
but then, your dad
acted like a jackass,
318
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,882
so I left him back there
and gave myself an upgrade.
319
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:18,580
Meet your new dad, Young Dad.
320
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,712
Hi.
321
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:21,931
You're my daughter?
322
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,933
You messed with the time stream?
323
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:26,196
I feel myself fading away!
324
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,285
Jeff, that doesn't make sense.
325
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:30,113
Dad's not your dad.
326
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,637
But how come I still exist?
327
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,726
You're already conceived,
somewhere back there.
328
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:35,945
In that case, I'm good.
329
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,555
Nice to meet you, Young Dad.
330
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:38,861
What's your favorite band?
331
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,168
Tie... Evanescence and Wheatus.
332
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,213
We're gonna be all right.
333
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,912
Now, because we did
mess up time,
334
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,566
I'm not sure if Steve
will still be here,
335
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,352
which means you'll
have to be the one
336
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,180
who remembers
the wi-fi password.
337
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:54,572
Steve!
338
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,748
This is a young version
of your dad.
339
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,315
He'll be your new father.
340
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:00,535
Wait. Does this mean
I won't exist?
341
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,580
Either we'll eventually
conceive you,
342
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,365
or you'll start to fade away
343
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,541
into non-existence
as time changes.
344
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,544
Well, at least that would get me
out of Klaus' dinner party.
345
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,589
- Who's Klaus again?
- Don't worry about Klaus.
346
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,156
Klaus is nobody.
347
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,769
Well, Young Dad, allow me
to introduce you to Roger.
348
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902
Hi. I'm Roger.
349
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,773
Stan, you're gonna meet me
in Utah
350
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,646
about 12 years ago,
my past, your future.
351
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,257
We made a beautiful
sound together.
352
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,608
Was that a space alien?
353
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,697
Who could that be?
354
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,794
Oh, hey, Radika.
355
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,274
Sorry it's a little messy
in here.
356
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,624
I'm just going hog
on the bachelor lifestyle.
357
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:51,803
So, it's looking like Francine's
not coming back, huh?
358
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,849
What's it been,
like, two months?
359
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,198
Two months, six days.
360
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,634
Yeah, don't think she's coming.
361
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:59,202
But it's cool.
I'm enjoying... all this.
362
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,422
Plus, I'm about to win
big gambling.
363
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,945
I know the Cincinnati Bagels
364
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,816
win the Super Bowl
one of these years.
365
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,688
- The Bengals?
- Yeah, maybe.
366
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:09,256
Well, I'm sure
you'll find someone else.
367
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,040
You're a catch, Stan.
368
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,522
Thanks. But it's just so hard
to meet new people, Radika.
369
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:17,786
Pssh, you're telling me.
370
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:19,831
Flips it downfield!
371
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,442
Knocked away!
372
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:33,845
Somewhere inside me, I think
I always knew this was right.
373
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,673
Me too, Stan.
374
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,198
There's so much I love
about you.
375
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:41,418
And the things I don't love
I know I can fix.
376
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,507
Because you don't need
placemats!
377
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,379
Why would we have something
we don't need?
378
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,511
Why did I think
this was a good idea?
379
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,209
My mother warned me.
380
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:52,038
Why did I marry
an old C.I.A. agent
381
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,735
who spent all of our savings
382
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,650
betting on
the Cincinnati Bengals
383
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,086
to win the Super Bowl?!
384
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,262
They win one of these years,
I swear!
385
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,048
I remember tears of joy
on Carson Palmer's face!
386
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,658
He was kissing his little boy.
387
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,877
This isn't working out, Stan.
388
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:08,402
- Fine.
- Fine!
389
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:11,492
Maybe I messed up
when I lost Francine.
390
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:14,538
Maybe she was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
391
00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:16,279
No, no, no. I'm fine.
392
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,499
I'm still a cool single guy!
393
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:19,935
You know, I always regretted
394
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,719
never doing a year as a ski bum.
395
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,286
Maybe I'll try that.
396
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:26,072
So, are you interested
in buying this one, or...?
397
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,551
Nah. Motorcycles
aren't for me.
398
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,075
Way too dangerous.
399
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,339
Cool. You're all set.
400
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,620
Have a great day
on the mountain.
401
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,603
Gustin. Marlowe. Gustin!
402
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,649
I didn't buy you two $400
Helly Hanson jackets
403
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:39,931
so you could just
sit in the lodge.
404
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,174
- Let's move.
- Roger?
405
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,827
Hmm? You're confused.
406
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:46,092
I'm Doctor Steele Birchington,
Houston cardiac surgeon.
407
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,311
I've put in over 600 stents.
408
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,097
Gustin! Gustin, stay in line.
409
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,273
No, Roger, it's me, Stan.
410
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:56,537
You don't know me yet,
or maybe we never met, but...
411
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,278
God, it's so good
to see a friend!
412
00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,757
What're you talking about?
413
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,039
You know what?
What'd you say your name is?
414
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,804
Stan? I'm ready for a change.
415
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,066
What's your thing, old man?
416
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,720
You're too old to be a ski bum.
417
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,070
Yeah, I was thinking about
starting a coffee shop.
418
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,332
Maybe learn guitar.
419
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:10,812
I'm in. Goodbye, kids.
420
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,398
Tell your mother I was sleeping
with Paolo
421
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,033
from photography class.
422
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,533
Stan, we're locking in
on a sound, here.
423
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:38,796
We could be a credible
Toto cover band.
424
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,059
No.
425
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,277
No. This isn't right.
426
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,601
We're sounding better than ever,
427
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,585
but nothing feels right.
428
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,674
I blew it when I lost Francine.
429
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:49,068
What're you talking about?
You've got Amanda now.
430
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,159
It's not the same.
431
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:54,769
I've been going through life
432
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,206
with nothing to keep me company
but regret.
433
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,252
Uh, okay.
434
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:03,212
Is there any way to fix my life?
435
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,041
And so, I waited until now,
Francine.
436
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,391
Life was so dreary without you.
437
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,611
Sure, I got to witness
the 2008 Olympic
438
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,178
opening ceremonies again.
439
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:14,397
Incredible, Francine,
the precision.
440
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,399
But it wasn't worth it.
441
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,184
Life without you was hollow.
442
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,011
I had years to think on it.
443
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:23,189
I realized that, maybe,
just maybe, if I could wait
444
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:26,017
until tonight... the very night
when we went back in time
445
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:27,628
because of my stupid pride...
446
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,457
maybe there'd be a chance
to salvage some of my life.
447
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,895
So, you relived
the last 20 years?
448
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,550
Not quite.
Young Francine left me.
449
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:37,812
She married Principal Lewis.
450
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,379
Ooh, nice.
451
00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:40,834
And she had this great group
of girlfriends, too.
452
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,208
If one of them needed something,
453
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,663
the other ones were,
like, always there.
454
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,602
They were, like,
closer than sisters.
455
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,058
There was some drama
when Lillian was
456
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,451
getting married again,
and it was like,
457
00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,195
"Does she deserve
a second bachelorette..."
458
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,219
- No!
- What's happening?
459
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,046
I heard something,
so I started shooting.
460
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,918
That's you!
461
00:18:56,961 --> 00:19:01,836
This beautiful, special woman
is yours now, young Stan.
462
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,447
Don't make the mistake I did.
463
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,623
Don't live your life
full of regret.
464
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,932
Oh, Stan!
465
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,108
No. No. This isn't right.
466
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,893
We can't let this happen
to this pathetic old man.
467
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,026
Where are we going?
468
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,594
Back in time.
469
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,248
Guests!
470
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,206
People came!
471
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,077
And look at you, Roger.
472
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,211
What outrageous persona
are you presenting?
473
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:32,432
Klaus, I'd like you
to meet Roger.
474
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,694
Hi. I'm Roger.
475
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,478
I like baseball and musicals.
476
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:39,482
Nice to meet you, Roger.
477
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,876
I'm so sorry we're late, Klaus.
478
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,573
Traffic was solid orange.
479
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:46,272
I can't believe this.
People came!
480
00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:51,102
Everyone, I'd like to introduce
you to someone. This is...
481
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:54,889
Demetrius Fitzpatio,
chiropractor to the stars!
482
00:19:57,544 --> 00:20:00,590
Who am I?
483
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,942
Oh, I wish I had a time machine
right now,
484
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:07,902
so I could fast-forward
to when we get to the C.I.A.'s
485
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,905
time machine,
and I'm proven right.
486
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:14,169
Francine, it's like
a nine-second drive.
487
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,127
Looking for this?
488
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:17,520
Don't do it, Stan.
489
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:18,956
Let go of your pride.
490
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,958
It's not worth
losing Francine over.
491
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,134
Don't worry, sweetie. I'm you.
492
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,919
We're doing great.
493
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,486
You win the argument.
494
00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:29,228
Appreciate what you have, Stan.
495
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:34,145
Do you know what that was about?
496
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,191
No. But you know what?
497
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,149
Maybe we don't go back in time.
498
00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,760
I'm sure you were right.
499
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,153
Whatever happened in the past,
it brought us here.
500
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:43,372
That's right.
501
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,287
And it's pretty nice, isn't it?
502
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,115
It's beautiful.
503
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:49,354
Did you know Klaus was also
having a dinner party tonight?
504
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,511
Motherdidn't invite us!
505
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:52,773
We could go back and ruin it.
506
00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,296
Beats Jeff's figs.
507
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,211
That's not dessert.
508
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,213
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
36994
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