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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,539
Mm-hmm. Listen, baby...
2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,808
why don't I come over.
3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,044
We'll throw on some Anita Baker
4
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,046
and see where
the night takes us.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,848
(singing off-key):
* Sweet love...
6
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,550
(phone ringing)
7
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,153
(continues ringing)
8
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,755
Sorry, baby.
It's go-time.
9
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,093
When?
10
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,694
(phone rings)
11
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,229
Hello?
12
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,830
General Murray's on his way
to inspect the post.
13
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,565
Start prepping.
How soon will he be here?
14
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,833
Two days.
15
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,602
Then why do we
have to do this now?
16
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,104
Because it's the General Murray!
17
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,438
Do I have to come down there
18
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,939
and put my fake foot
in your real butt?
19
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:39,907
Surprise inspection.
20
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,375
(gasps)
Wake up!
21
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,378
Yes, Sergeant!
Are you kidding?
It's 2:00 a.m.
22
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,547
General Murray's on his way
to inspect us. Hurry up.
23
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,948
Cody's obsessed with that guy.
24
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,450
He always finds something wrong.
25
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,851
Everyone knows it's pointless.
26
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,786
Living quarters ready!
Hooah!
27
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,054
Randy doesn't count.
28
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,623
This will go quickly
as long as you
29
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,057
don't have any contraband.
Like that hot plate
30
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,892
you got sitting there
on your fridge.
31
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,361
What do you even
have that thing for?
32
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,196
You know I'm a soup guy.
What, am I supposed
33
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,232
to bake my pepper pot bisque in
the microwave like some animal?
34
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,533
Got to confiscate it.
35
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,734
This is the part
of the Army that I hate.
36
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,302
There's no reason
to take this away.
37
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:10,771
Having a little bowl of soup
every once in a while
38
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,072
is the only thing
that makes me happy,
39
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,541
and by that I mean eases
my depression
40
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,875
into a bearable sadness.
41
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,310
You know what? Fine.
42
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:17,778
It's early.
43
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,781
I'm tired. I think
it's a stupid rule, too.
44
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,283
Just hide it, all right?
45
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,917
Wow. I can't believe
46
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,086
you're being
so chill about this.
47
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,656
I'm gonna hug you.
48
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,090
What?
49
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,894
I'm gonna make you
the best damn bowl of bisque
50
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,363
you've ever had.
51
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,132
Permission to love you
too, Sergeant.
52
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,067
Just... get off.
53
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:44,071
CODY:
The Army is filled with troops
on heroic missions,
54
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,506
and then there's us.
55
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,575
We take care of things at home.
56
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,743
We are the Rear Detachment.
57
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,346
Yes, we're soldiers.
58
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:02,256
PETE:
At ease.
59
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,524
What the hell?
60
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,330
You look like a bunch
of Bratz dolls.
61
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,098
Thanks, Chill Pete.
62
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,634
And thank you for letting us
express ourselves.
63
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,536
My morale is at a peak.
64
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,104
I'm playing Donkey Kong!
65
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,672
Sorry. I thought you asked me
what I was doing.
66
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,274
What is going on?
Derrick told them
67
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,942
you're chill now.
68
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,445
All I said was that you were
cool about my hot plate.
69
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,013
And hey, what's wrong
with being Chill Pete?
70
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,615
He's so much better
than "Shouty Pete."
71
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,717
Do you understand
we're getting inspected?!
72
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,285
Okay, Shouty Pete's a bummer.
73
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:32,486
Look at these dog tags.
74
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,021
"Blood type: Tiger"?
75
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,489
Oh, it's supposed to say
"Tigger,"
76
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,491
'cause everywhere I go,
I bounce on tail.
77
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,327
That went from
cute to gross.
78
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,029
Just put it all away before
Sergeant Major Cody sees you.
79
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:45,333
CODY (over P.A.): Sergeant Hill!
There are cameras in here.
80
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,536
Smile, y'all.
We on camera.
81
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,404
I look good, right?
82
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,406
It was a miscommunication.
83
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,007
What miscommunication
lets Private Park think
84
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,009
she can walk around
wearing kitty earrings?
85
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,145
(knocking)
Hey-o.
86
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,080
Word has it General Murray's
gonna inspect the post.
87
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,349
CODY:
Indeed he is.
88
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,684
General Murray is my mentor
89
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,986
and the standard by which all
Army soldiers are judged.
90
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Yeah, he's my bro.
91
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,257
And we all need "bros."
92
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,691
West Point peeps!
93
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,226
Anyway, our sole objective
94
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,662
is to make this Army post worthy
of his visit.
95
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,597
Headline is:
I agree with you.
96
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,198
But I feel like the meal
we're cooking
97
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,868
needs a few more calories.
What's he talking about?
98
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,570
I don't know. There's a headline
and we're cooking something.
99
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,905
My boy Chad who works
at the Pentagon
100
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,376
told me General Murray goes
ping-ping for air shows.
101
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,279
So I've arranged for
a squadron of Apaches
102
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,113
to fly over in formation.
103
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,882
So, bullet points:
104
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,751
amuse-bouche,
entree and dessert.
105
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,720
(beeps)
I gotta take this text.
106
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,855
West Point.
107
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,391
It can produce
a legendary leader
108
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,625
like General Murray,
109
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,360
or drop a deuce like that guy.
110
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,596
I know. That guy's
the worst, right?
111
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,897
Oh, no, we're not bonding here!
112
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,899
You need to get your head
in the game.
113
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,367
This is no ordinary inspection.
114
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,436
I guess I'm not just
as ping-ping
115
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,604
as you are for this.
116
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,838
Retract whatever those are.
117
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,141
PETE:
So, what am I looking at?
118
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,777
The only award Fort McGee
has ever won:
119
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,614
"Best Irish-Named Army
Post in South Florida...
120
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,482
Runner-Up."
That's depressing.
121
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,818
If you get us a perfect
inspection score,
122
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,621
General Murray will award
us Top Gold Honors.
123
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,888
I know you're trying
to manipulate me
124
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,223
by appealing to my ego.
125
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,125
Are you gonna win us
our very first trophy?
126
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,060
My brain can't help
but respond to this.
127
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,463
I can literally feel
my dopamine levels rising.
128
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,732
You'd be a hero
on this post.
129
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,634
Hero?
130
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,038
(distant crowd cheering)
131
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,575
Hooah!
132
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,610
It's just so damn easy.
133
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,011
What's with him?
134
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,581
He's excited about his
General Murray detail.
135
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,416
Want to hear yours?
136
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,117
Fill this fridge with snacks.
137
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,419
Seriously?
138
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,654
General Murray has
an eclectic palate.
139
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:47,988
Here's his rider.
140
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,791
His rider?
What is he, a rock star?
141
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,461
Eh, more like an "Iraq star."
142
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,329
(laughs)
No?
143
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,331
I was kind of hoping
for something bigger.
144
00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:59,600
This is the only detail
that guarantees you
145
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,268
General Murray face time.
146
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,703
You mean, like one-on-one?
147
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,772
Mm-hmm.
Or am I saying
actual words to him?
148
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,674
Or maybe he's saying stuff,
and I'm just nodding.
149
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,509
Or wait, is he nodding at me?
150
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,177
Oh, my God, he's nodding at me.
151
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,980
General Murray can promote you
with the snap of a finger.
152
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,819
Snack detail! Hooah!
153
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,121
(quietly):
It's so damn easy.
154
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,357
GUMBLE:
You should have been there,
George.
155
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,993
You would have loved it!
(all laugh)
156
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,160
Hey, Chill Pete.
157
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,228
Hey, brother,
158
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,229
that soup is simmering
159
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,464
back at the barracks.
160
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,366
And when it blows
your taste buds,
161
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,167
don't blame me,
blame the nutmeg.
162
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,036
No taste buds will be blown,
Corporal.
163
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,871
Oh, no.
You don't want soup,
164
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,339
you're using formal language.
165
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,074
I can see you're clenching
through your pants.
166
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,576
Atten-tion!
167
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,412
This is a different chill.
This is a bad chill.
168
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,214
I'm here to confiscate
all y'all's contraband!
169
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,048
Even mine?
170
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,550
All y'all's!
171
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,151
No, no, no,
they're not clip-ons!
172
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,086
Okay, they're clip-ons.
173
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,155
That's the source of my power!
174
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,725
But it gives me peace!
175
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,193
I got no defense.
176
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:01,995
Chill Pete is gone.
177
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,030
(groans)
178
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,532
Hard Ass Pete is here to stay!
179
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,767
Hey, y'all, what'd I miss?
180
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,203
My inspiration was a pimp
that was a mermaid.
181
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:12,105
What?! I think
I captured that.
182
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,911
We have an inspection coming up.
183
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,114
Man, you owe me six dollars.
184
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,917
It'll be conducted by the
legendary General Murray,
185
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:26,954
and if done right, we will win
that Top Gold trophy.
186
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,121
Now how's that sound?
187
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,057
Like being eaten alive
by a walrus.
188
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,191
I want my earrings back.
189
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,460
Do you know me at all?
190
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,761
Wrong answers.
191
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,596
We're gonna make
this post perfect
192
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,698
and look as squared away
as that stud
193
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,900
hanging on
that poster up there.
194
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,201
Oh. Hey, that...
Oh!
Ooh!
195
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,402
PARK:
Hey!
Hey.
Wait a minute.
196
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,304
You hung up your own poster?
197
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,773
I would never.
198
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,974
He let me do it.
199
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,209
This is such a crock.
200
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,911
And not the kind
that you set on low
201
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,212
so you can leave the house,
come back ten hours later
202
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,647
to a decadent orgy of flavors.
203
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:54,915
That reminds me.
204
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,754
No! This was ranked number one
in Soup Enthusiast!
205
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:01,989
They gave it five ladles!
206
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,892
All it is to me
is contraband.
207
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,461
I thought we were on
the same page for once!
208
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,229
I hugged you. I hugged you!
209
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,332
Last I checked, the Army didn't
bend the rules for hugs.
210
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,801
It's a hard truth,
but he's right, Derrick.
211
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,335
You know what,
Corporal?
212
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,970
Your insubordination has
earned you the pleasure
213
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,806
of mowing every lawn
on this post.
214
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,841
Fine, but know this:
215
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,109
(whispers):
I will have my revenge.
216
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,744
Okay.
217
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,347
And revenge is a dish
best served (blows air) cold,
218
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,816
much like a gazpacho.
219
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,084
(snaps fingers)
I am gonna gazpacho your ass.
220
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,285
Is that even a threat?
221
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,954
It is in the soup community.
222
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,824
Sergeant Perez, you should
be out getting those snacks.
223
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,191
Understood, Sergeant Major,
224
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,127
but some of this stuff
is just so weird.
225
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,529
I mean, where do they even carry
226
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,197
"That pudding endorsed
by Gloria Estefan"?
227
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,533
Gloria Este-flan?
228
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,200
Chocolate, vanilla,
or tres leches?
229
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,002
Private Hill, I want you
230
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,838
to help Sergeant Perez
in her snack detail.
231
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,439
Clearly, she needs it.
232
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,608
It was just that one
pudding thing, Sergeant Major.
233
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,009
I don't need help! I...
234
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,378
Private Randy Hill
reporting for duty.
235
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,213
(imitating Bill Cosby):
We're gonna get
some Jell-O pudding.
236
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,849
Is that supposed
to be Bill Cosby?
237
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,284
Listening to jazz music
in the basement.
238
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:08,288
Theo's got to go to school
so I can deliver the baby.
239
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,990
(normal voice):
Hey, Sergeant Perez, wait up!
240
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,859
PEREZ:
This list is insane.
241
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,227
I mean, where am I gonna
find "Goji juice,
242
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,063
black chewing gum,
moose jerky"?
243
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,166
The co-op, the gun store,
guy in a van behind
the gun store.
244
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,669
Seriously?
How do you know that?
245
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,303
I help put together
care packages,
246
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,706
so I know where to find
any soldier comfort item
247
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,074
in a ten-mile radius.
248
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,644
This is amazing.
You might actually help me.
249
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:35,215
Thanks. I mean, I think
that you will find that I'm...
250
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,317
Boom! Reflexes like a cat!
251
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,452
Okay.
(clears throat)
Whoa!
252
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,354
Leave it! Leave it!
253
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,691
(clears throat)
To the gun store!
254
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,493
General Murray's gonna be here
in 18 hours!
255
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,061
This motor pool
needs to be spotless!
256
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,063
I want to be able
to eat off this floor!
257
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,399
I feel like I'm in Annie.
258
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,203
Uh, not sharp enough.
259
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,170
Gummy worms!
260
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,205
Gummy worms!
261
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,207
Whoopie Pie!
Whoopie Pie.
262
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,910
I want to join the Army.
263
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,849
Not even close.
264
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,718
Who was responsible
for cleaning this area?
Gumble.
265
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,052
Tanisha.
It is you.
No. Not Tanisha.
266
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,253
Can I get a straight answer,
please?
267
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,926
Not shiny enough.
268
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,628
(squeaking)
269
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,464
I want to be able
to eat off of it.
270
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,067
RANDY:
Let me get a bag
of moose jerky.
271
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,338
(sniffs)
272
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,441
We're not paying you...
273
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:35,743
for elk.
274
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,110
(gasps)
275
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,986
I'm still tasting floor.
276
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,855
What is the
lesson here?
277
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,593
Not reverent enough.
278
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,304
Dobkiss, what the hell
are you doing?
279
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,273
It's a topiary dog.
280
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,408
Don't call me dawg.
I'm your sergeant.
281
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,110
No, it's a topiary dog.
282
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,178
It's what I made.
283
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,146
It's a schnauzer.
284
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,448
General Murray wants to see
right angles.
285
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,218
Son of a bitch!
286
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,420
Corporal Hill!
287
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,489
Glad to see you're on board.
288
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,193
He's not on board.
289
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,834
Lieutenant Schneeberger's not
the only one with dazzle!
290
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,503
This is General Murray's
beloved Humvee, Betty Lou.
291
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,105
Had her shipped from Fallujah.
292
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,340
"Go home, Yankee Bluejeans."
Nice.
293
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,710
I can't wait to see
the smile on General
Murray's face.
294
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:43,777
I've never seen him smile.
295
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,145
No one has.
296
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,014
See that she gets
cleaned up by tomorrow.
297
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,648
ALL: Aw...!
I don't want to do that.
298
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,483
Do you want to win
that Top Gold trophy or not?!
299
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,551
ALL:
No!
300
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,720
I want to go to sleep.
301
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,954
Morning, sir.
302
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,323
Oh, boy.
303
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:59,192
Humvee? More like Bumvee.
304
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,728
Schneeberg out.
305
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,662
That guy sucks.
306
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,998
I'd like to beat him
with a bag of tangerines.
307
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,300
PETE:
Three hours
till the general gets here.
308
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,335
Now, come on.
309
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,003
Good lord,
how many knobs
310
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,304
must I polish?
311
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,973
(laughter)
PETE: Don't laugh at that.
312
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:13,974
Keep working.
313
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,242
Can we please stop to eat?
314
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,544
Gumble's got the grumbles.
315
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:18,979
Never say that again.
316
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,081
I'm sorry, when I get hungry
I get adorable.
317
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,582
I don't care
if you're all starving.
318
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,052
What do y'all got there?
319
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,754
More like what
don't we got there.
320
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,588
(Randy shushing)
321
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,357
What?
322
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,192
Hey!
323
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,564
Do you think this stuff
is safe here?
324
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,832
Yeah, it'll be fine.
325
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,701
(quietly):
I don't... I don't know.
326
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,472
Oh! God!
327
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,407
That's creepy.
328
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,508
We need to stand guard.
329
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,509
I don't have time for that.
330
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,577
I have to prep my uniform.
331
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:51,912
I have to check on my troops.
332
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,214
Then I shall stand guard.
333
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,548
Whatever floats your boat.
334
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,261
(razor buzzes)
335
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,133
Chubowski, you look...
336
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,367
lean.
337
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,203
A lady never reveals
her secrets.
338
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,405
But man-to-man...
339
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,173
I'm wearing a girdle.
340
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,744
You guys look great.
341
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,780
I got to admit,
for the first time ever
342
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,782
I actually feel like
a real soldier.
343
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,219
Me, too, Sergeant.
(clears throat)
344
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,553
Where were you, Corporal?
345
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,122
Just had to finish
mowing the lawns.
346
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,557
I had to make sure
I did it just right.
347
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,626
Put your game faces on.
348
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,729
Well, isn't this a surprise.
349
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,964
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
350
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,766
I'd just like to say
to all of you
351
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,836
that I've never been
more proud of you
352
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,771
than I am at this moment.
353
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,907
Top Honors or not,
354
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:56,543
we've already won.
355
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:04,784
Hey, folks, no bigs.
356
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,319
General Murray's not coming.
357
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,821
What? Is he with
the president?
358
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,823
Are we at war?
No, he's at SeaWorld.
359
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:10,991
SeaWorld?
360
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:11,925
General Murray would
never shirk
361
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,626
his official duty for R&R.
362
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,462
Message was
"Canceling official duties
363
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,997
to take some R&R at SeaWorld."
364
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,365
Hey, Stacey, yeah.
365
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,466
Need to cancel that flyover.
366
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,001
It's Schneeberger.
367
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,870
Just like it sounds.
368
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,537
Are you all right,
Sergeant Major?
369
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,773
The man by which I define myself
370
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,310
just blew me off to feed Shamu.
371
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,679
Well, I-I don't think you
actually get to feed Shamu.
372
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,181
Are you helping?
373
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,393
(muffled yelling)
374
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:00,007
Ah, Sergeant Major,
I just want to get an idea
375
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,075
of what your thoughts
were going forward.
376
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,012
Obviously none of this matters.
377
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,613
So do whatever you want!
378
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,855
Well, screw this.
379
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,057
We all like Schneeberger, right?
380
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,491
He's, like,
part of the gang now?
381
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,227
Ooh.
382
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,429
The sweet relief.
383
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,931
Did you do this?
384
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:28,201
I-I had something planned,
but this is much better.
385
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:33,840
Chubowski.
386
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,208
Where is everyone?
387
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,509
I believe my colleagues think
388
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,945
they have the rest
of the day off.
389
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,879
Because Sergeant Major
blew off some steam?
390
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,282
Seriously? It's over.
391
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,951
CODY (over speaker):
Attention, all soldiers.
392
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,085
You worked hard for no reason.
393
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,719
So who gives a crap today?
394
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,922
Now enjoy some Anita Baker.
395
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,291
ANITA BAKER:
* I'm in love
396
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,226
* Sweet love
397
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:56,063
I lost my innocence
to this song.
398
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,265
* Hear me calling out
your name... *
399
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,567
What are you doing here?
400
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,768
I thought the general flaked.
401
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,470
I didn't hear
anything about that.
402
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:04,771
Yup, so I guess we get
403
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,974
to dig in to that booty!
404
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,475
You don't have clearance.
405
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,277
I'm gonna get that candy, dawg.
406
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,112
I want some Rolos, son!
407
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,914
I'm sorry... sons.
408
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,991
(soldiers chattering)
DERRICK: Oh!
409
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,959
There we go!
Go get the-the hammer thing!
410
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:29,062
Hey, this screen is to be used
for satellite maps.
411
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,763
And n-now it's for Donkey Kong!
412
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,465
(all laughing)
He's jumping on
Sergeant Hill's head.
413
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,167
I don't get it.
414
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,569
It must be difficult having
no authority over us today, huh?
415
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,671
I'll tell you what, though.
I-I will go away
416
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,340
if you give me back
my hot plate.
417
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,741
Yeah, I gave that
to Sergeant Major Cody
418
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,143
to throw in the trash.
419
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,016
* Sweet love
420
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,984
(humming)
* Hear me
421
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,653
* Calling out your name...
422
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:54,821
Is this a good time?
423
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,456
It's all good.
424
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,425
You know, having my feet up
425
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,294
on the desk like this
is against the rules.
426
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,196
But I don't give a damn.
(laughs)
427
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,098
Some of those
rules do seem
428
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,133
pretty arbitrary, don't they?
429
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,634
They sure do.
430
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,870
Like, why does the Army have
a ban on blue pens?
431
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,139
Thank you.
432
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,773
Well, let's see
how they like this.
433
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,108
Careful now, you don't want
to get court-martialed.
434
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,444
Smiley face in blue.
(laughs)
435
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,611
(laughing)
436
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,680
Let's have some soup, huh?
437
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,053
We're coming
for that candy, Randy.
438
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,888
You don't have clearance.
439
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,057
GUMBLE:
Then it's on.
440
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,524
Like Donkey Kong.
441
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:32,992
(chittering like an ape)
442
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:35,528
(chittering like an ape)
443
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,631
(video game sound effects play)
444
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,734
ROBINSON:
Randy, why you throwing barrels?
445
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,739
Do, do, do, do, do.
446
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:47,974
Do, do,
do, do, do.
447
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,809
Do, do-da-loo, do.
448
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,545
(hoots like an ape) Hooah!
(video game music plays)
449
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,148
What are you doing?
450
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,983
Freeing his mind.
451
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,252
Put that filthy soup down,
Sergeant Major.
452
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,020
It is chaos out there.
453
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,655
Who cares?
454
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,558
I work my ass off
for that man every year.
455
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,961
But it was all bull.
456
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,533
I feel stupid
taking it seriously.
457
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,768
You said General Murray
was an idea.
458
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,537
For the past two days,
459
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,772
we become that idea.
460
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,175
You pushed me, I pushed them.
461
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,743
And for the first time
in their lives,
462
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,878
my troops were
proud of their post.
463
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,116
Proud to be soldiers.
464
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,419
So your mentor
may have let you down,
465
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,787
but mine sure as hell didn't.
466
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,589
I know you're trying
to manipulate me
467
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,458
by appealing to my ego.
468
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,859
It's working.
469
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,829
It doesn't matter
if Murray comes.
470
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,766
It's the idea that's important.
471
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,835
Right?
472
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,405
What do you think, Corporal?
473
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,606
(yells)
474
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,308
Just burned my hand
really bad.
475
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:56,976
So I'm kind of turning
the whole corner
476
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,378
on the whole
hot plate thing.
477
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,812
It's actually
a really dangerous item.
478
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,981
(phone ringing)
479
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,286
(soldiers chattering, laughing)
480
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,592
You said nothing matters, so...
481
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,896
CODY:
General Murray is on his way!
482
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,965
Clean up this crap
or you'll be doing push-ups
483
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,099
until your pecs explode!
484
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,236
I knew those guys were lying.
485
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,439
Somebody help me
with this pool!
486
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,443
What?! What?!
487
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,346
I'm not getting a promotion,
so I want candy.
488
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,914
How did you even get in here?
489
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,283
I got skills.
490
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,918
Snack attack!
491
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,921
The general is
on his way right now!
492
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,423
Huh?! For real?
493
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,657
Yes.
Oh, God!
494
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,593
I ate all the snacks.
495
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,960
Everything.
I ate all the candy, Randy!
496
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,596
Candy Randy!
497
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,597
Randy Candy, that's
a really good name
498
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,598
for a British candy bar.
499
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,799
(British accent):
Hello!
500
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,167
I'm chock-full
of toffee, I am.
501
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,935
Toffee's on... I'm Rand...
I'm Rand...
502
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,270
No, no, stop it!
503
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,938
Get a hold of yourself,
Sergeant Perez!
504
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,807
Okay, we still got
the secret stash.
505
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,108
What secret stash?
506
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,843
In that ammo can.
507
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,345
I hid some snacks just in case.
508
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,613
I grew up with brothers.
509
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,014
I learned to keep
my enemies close,
510
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,782
but my snacks closer.
511
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,453
You're a really good soldier,
Private Hill.
512
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,555
I know.
513
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:19,025
(grunting)
As tight as you can.
514
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,428
Atten-hut!
515
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,549
Let's see
what you've got this year.
516
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,651
CODY:
So...
517
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,686
that's our post, General.
518
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,255
I hope everything
is to your liking
519
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,857
This inspection has left me
a little peckish.
520
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:51,724
(clears throat)
521
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,128
Savory or sweet, sir?
522
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,432
Thank you, Sergeant.
523
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:00,900
Perez, is it?
524
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,270
Hmm.
525
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,876
That was some quality face time.
526
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,011
Thank you so much for
your help, Private.
527
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,047
* I'm in love
528
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,583
* Sweet love
529
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,586
Oh, no.
530
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,355
* Don't you ever go away.
Emotions.
531
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,557
One last detail, General.
532
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,197
Betty Lou?
533
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,734
Sergeant Major,
you son of a gun!
534
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,569
Did you see him smile?
He smiled!
535
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,038
Yeah, I know.
It was kind of scary.
536
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,240
Aw, hell, Sergeant Major.
537
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,410
I haven't found one infraction.
538
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:47,079
I'm awarding this post
the Top Gold Honors.
539
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,481
We are honored, sir.
540
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,716
(all cheering)
Yes!
541
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,318
Aw, yeah.
542
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:54,120
Well, it's
no Blue Angel flyover,
543
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:57,056
but I did my best to whip
this post into shape, sir.
544
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,058
Well done, Lieutenant.
545
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,660
Your chopper is waiting.
546
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,332
He just took all your credit.
547
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,599
It's all right.
548
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,267
I got my smile.
549
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,136
And I'm gonna get my trophy.
550
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,604
There's no trophy.
551
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,673
(Cody laughs)
552
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,107
CODY:
Rest.
553
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:16,943
I guess I should thank you.
554
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,579
You didn't let your little
revenge fantasy ruin the day.
555
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:22,949
Yeah, about that...
556
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:25,518
Glad you're happy
with the post, sir.
557
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:26,853
I oversaw every detail.
558
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:32,559
(grunts)
38593
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