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♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
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00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:17,794
♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,963
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:23,466
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,868
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:28,871
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:34,377
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,179
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,737
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,585
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,254
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,924
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,959
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,260
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,130
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,966
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,359
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,908
And now, direct from
the Keaton household,
19
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,544
the moment you've
all been waiting for,
20
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,947
the lighting of the
Christmas tree!
21
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,050
It's beautiful!
22
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,818
You sure know how
to pick them, Dad.
23
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,709
Thank you, thank you.
24
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,157
Oh, this is the best ever.
25
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,525
It must have taken
you a long time
26
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,759
to pick this one out.
27
00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,995
No, no, no. I... I... I knew
this was the one for us
28
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,265
the moment I backed
into it with the car.
29
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,434
We get more things that way.
30
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,069
Oh, look, it's starting to snow!
31
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,172
Oh, that's perfect.
Snow on Christmas Eve.
32
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,062
Mwah. What could be better?
33
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,144
They can put a man on the moon,
34
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,712
but they can't
stop this white slop
35
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,081
from falling out of the sky.
36
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,717
Merry Christmas
to you too, Alex.
37
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,053
Take it easy with the Merry
Christmases, will ya, Ma?
38
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:53,723
This holiday is a
silly, sentimental farce.
39
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,358
It's phony.
40
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:58,694
People just pretend to have
this so-called Christmas spirit.
41
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,663
We can't all have this
natural Yuletide verve
42
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,532
that you possess.
43
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:05,968
Did you remember to get
the cough syrup for Jennifer?
44
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,171
No, I forgot. I'll, uh...
I'll get it tomorrow.
45
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:10,507
Tomorrow's Christmas, Alex.
46
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,941
Yeah, so?
47
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,144
So the stores'll be closed.
48
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,700
All day?
49
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:20,049
Boy, this thing is really
getting out of hand.
50
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,318
Look, sorry I forgot.
I'll tell you what.
51
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,287
If this thing gets
any worse, I'll, uh...
52
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,656
I'll take you to the
emergency room myself.
53
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,893
All right. But don't try to
count that as my present.
54
00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:33,763
Can't beat the present
he gave me last year.
55
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,266
I gave you a present last year?
56
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,956
Yeah, you took the
garbage out for me.
57
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,372
Right, right. Well,
uh, don't expect
58
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,074
any of that sloppy
sentiment this year.
59
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,443
Oh, that reminds me.
Listen, I know it's kind of late,
60
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:49,111
but can we make an
arrangement, here?
61
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:52,315
Uh, I say we don't
exchange gifts this year.
62
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,172
Huh? How about it?
63
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,054
That's a heartwarming
thought, Alex,
64
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,823
but, uh, we've already
got our gifts for you.
65
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,858
Ah!
66
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:06,329
You know, Alex, just
because you're an old Scrooge
67
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,731
why do the rest of
us have to suffer?
68
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:11,467
Because we're family, Jennifer.
69
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,370
We do things together.
70
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,506
All right, I think it is
time to take a picture.
71
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,441
Everybody take your positions
72
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:21,578
for the traditional
Keaton Christmas photo.
73
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,846
Come on, join us, Alex.
74
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,547
You know your
spot. Come on, Alex.
75
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,016
The timer is set.
You've got 11 seconds.
76
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,351
Forget it. Forget it.
77
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,820
I refuse to participate in
this ridiculous ceremony
78
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,088
for a ridiculous holiday.
79
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,490
Oh, come on.
80
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:36,381
I can't believe you guys.
The same old stupid poses.
81
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,730
Oh, and, uh, don't try
airbrushing me in later.
82
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,194
Alex...
83
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,090
Merry Christmas.
84
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,407
Christmas cheer. Who needs it?
85
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,742
Just another holiday.
86
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,944
You don't see people
falling all over themselves
87
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,880
on Columbus Day.
88
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,705
Oh, great.
89
00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,588
Hey! BOY: Hi, Mr. Keaton!
90
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,590
Christmas cheer to you, sir.
91
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,893
Get off the lawn
before I call the cops.
92
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,929
And take the rest of
those clowns with you.
93
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,498
Oh, sorry, Reverend.
94
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,100
Seasons greetings.
95
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,401
God bless you, Alex.
96
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,690
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
97
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,638
What is wrong with these people?
98
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,007
You show them a little snow,
99
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:27,032
they break into song about
chestnuts nipping at your nose.
100
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:30,368
Christmas. Bah, humbug!
101
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:45,628
What...?
102
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,385
Who's there?
103
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,367
Jennifer, what are
you doing here?
104
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,202
I am not Jennifer.
105
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:56,205
I am the ghost of
Christmas Past.
106
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,607
Yeah, and I'm Ed
McMahon. Look...
107
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,143
get outta here, will you?
108
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,687
You're smoking
up the whole room.
109
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,688
On second thought,
why don't you sit down?
110
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,255
Arise, Alex, and come hither,
111
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,257
for I am charged
with showing you
112
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,993
the true meaning of Christmas.
113
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,395
Hey, I'm not coming hither.
114
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:20,997
Uh-uh. No way.
115
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,421
Alex, come hither.
116
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,368
I'm coming hither.
117
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,992
I'm hither.
118
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,439
A ghost, huh?
119
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,441
Of course I'm a ghost.
120
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,811
If I were a person, I would
have come through the door.
121
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,645
Where are we going?
122
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,469
Just grab my sleeve.
123
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,651
We're going to a place you know.
124
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,154
Hey, look out for
the wall... Wah!
125
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,444
Whoa!
126
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,625
The living room?
127
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,994
You got me out of bed to
show me the living room?
128
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,797
Wait a minute. What's
with this furniture?
129
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,498
This isn't our living room.
130
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:59,736
Yes, it is... Ten years
ago on Christmas morning.
131
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,604
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
132
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,739
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
133
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,775
♪ Over the fields we go ♪
134
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,610
Hey, that's Mom. ♪
Laughing all the... Ha-ha! ♪
135
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,579
Hey, Mom! Mom, over here.
136
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,813
It's me, Alex.
137
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,815
She can't hear you, Alex.
138
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,717
She can't see you, either.
139
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,620
Oh, Mom, I've been
looking all over for you.
140
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,190
Hey... Hey, that's me!
141
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,392
Ha! That's me!
142
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,327
I finished balancing
your checkbook, Mom.
143
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,097
Oh, thank you, Alex.
144
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:29,065
I started on your tax returns,
145
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,535
but I can't do much
until you get your W-2s.
146
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,371
I don't want a repeat of
what happened last year.
147
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,040
Yeah, I'm sorry
about that, Alex.
148
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,942
That was our fault.
149
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,111
Yeah, but I'm the one
that sweated out the audit.
150
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,469
That's Mallory.
151
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,586
Mommy, can we open
up the presents now?
152
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,089
Please, please,
please, please, please?
153
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,992
She always had a way with words.
154
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,293
In a minute, honey.
155
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,063
Mallory, all you think about
are opening the presents.
156
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,398
Can you please
exercise a little discipline
157
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,733
and self-control?
158
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:07,425
I already exercised
today, so there, Alex!
159
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,374
Never was an even match, was it?
160
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:13,710
Alex, please don't
turn on the TV.
161
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,377
We're gonna open the
presents in a minute.
162
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,280
Mom, this won't take long.
There's something I have to see.
163
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,716
And further evidence
164
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,684
emerged today
linking President Nixon
165
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:24,053
with the Watergate
break-in of last year.
166
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,688
This is a witch-hunt!
167
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,757
They're persecuting
an innocent man.
168
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:31,861
Look at that. Is that
the face of a crook?
169
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:32,962
Alex, turn off the set.
170
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,864
He's spoiling my
Christmas spirit.
171
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,465
Come on, now. Sit up here.
172
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,300
Mallory.
173
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:40,169
Okay, now can we
open the presents?
174
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,271
Please, please,
please, please, please?
175
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,840
No, and I'll tell you why.
176
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:48,299
Because we're expecting a
visitor from the North Pole!
177
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:52,096
Right now!
178
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,918
I said we're gonna
have a very special visitor
179
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,821
from the North Pole!
180
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,623
Hey!
181
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,025
Ho, ho, ho!
182
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:06,462
Merry Christmas!
183
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,598
Merry Christmas, everybody!
184
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:14,237
Well, if it isn't Alex
and Mallory Keaton.
185
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,839
Hi, Daddy.
186
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,574
Hi, Pop.
187
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,409
Getting too smart for me.
188
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,212
I guess I better
stick with Jennifer.
189
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,649
Oh, hi, baby!
190
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,785
Ho, ho, ho!
191
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,953
Da-da.
192
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:33,222
You fooled me.
193
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,792
Well, merry
Christmas, everybody.
194
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,693
Merry Christmas, Dad.
195
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,762
Can we open the presents now?
196
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,198
I'm so excited.
197
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,222
Oh, sure.
198
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,068
Sure.
199
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:50,173
Well, this one is for Mallory.
200
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,496
And this one is for Alex.
201
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,468
A telephone.
202
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,049
Hello?
203
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,684
Nobody's there.
204
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,986
Good grief.
205
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,955
It's a pretend phone, Mallory.
206
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,823
You can talk on it all day long.
207
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,259
So that's how it began.
208
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,561
Go ahead and open
yours now, Alex.
209
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,831
No, you open
your presents first.
210
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,199
That's the real joy.
211
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,102
Watching other people
enjoy your presents.
212
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,337
Hear that, Alex?
213
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,939
I heard it, I heard it.
214
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,073
Hey, I have an idea.
215
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,442
Before we open the
rest of the presents,
216
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,377
let's take a
picture on the tree.
217
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,721
Yeah! Okay, the
camera's all set.
218
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,251
Let's pose like
we're decorating it,
219
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,186
then every Christmas
we'll take the same picture
220
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,520
with the same pose.
221
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,223
What a good idea!
222
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,224
Oh, okay.
223
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:42,992
That was my idea?
224
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,793
Get ready, everyone. Okay.
225
00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:47,129
Merry Christmas!
226
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,799
Come on.
227
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,634
Now let's sing a
Christmas carol.
228
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,502
Oh, okay. Elyse?
229
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,304
♪ The first Noël ♪
230
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,875
♪ The angels did say ♪
231
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:04,814
♪ Was to certain poor
shepherds In fields as they lay ♪
232
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,182
We must go now.
233
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,416
But... Our visit here is over.
234
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,985
But they're... But
they're singing.
235
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,720
It... It's so nice. I
don't want to go yet.
236
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:11,888
I'm sorry.
237
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,057
Can't we stay just
a... A little longer?
238
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,257
Please?
239
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,492
No, we can't.
240
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,627
Regulations, Alex.
241
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:24,033
♪ Noël, Noël, Noël... ♪
242
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,124
♪ Born is... ♪
243
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,938
That was beautiful.
244
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,606
That was really
beautiful. Can we...?
245
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,608
Can we go back there later?
246
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,511
I'm sorry. You
can't go home again.
247
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,347
Well, here we are. Home again.
248
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,750
Have you learned
anything tonight?
249
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,686
Look, I realize I may
have gone a little overboard
250
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,487
earlier this evening.
251
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:49,559
May... Maybe I have lost some
of my youthful zest for Christmas.
252
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,995
And... And I feel badly about
it. And... And I'm gonna change.
253
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,497
That's good to hear.
254
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:58,501
Okay, so, uh, merry
Christmas to all,
255
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,035
and to all,
256
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,705
particularly you, a good night.
257
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,396
All right, you mind closing
the wall behind you?
258
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,418
Oh, no. You too, Mallory?
259
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,553
My shift is over, Alex.
260
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,889
She's here to relieve me.
261
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,490
I don't believe this.
262
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,713
Farewell.
263
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,031
I hope someone gets me a
smoke alarm for Christmas.
264
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,535
Arise, Alex, and come...
265
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,837
I know, I'm hither, I'm hither.
266
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,940
I am the ghost of
Christmas Future.
267
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,341
Uh, look, can we do this later?
268
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,877
I... I just got in
from Christmas Past
269
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,945
and I'm a little tired.
270
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:47,216
You must go, Alex. You
must see what the future holds.
271
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,617
Am I gonna like it?
272
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,153
I don't think so.
273
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,820
Then, uh, I don't want to go.
274
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:54,245
You have no choice.
275
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,610
Welcome to the future, Alex.
276
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:15,845
What a dump.
277
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,380
This can't be our house.
278
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,949
How did this happen?
279
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:23,285
The Keaton family fell
upon hard times, Alex.
280
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,854
All of us?
281
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,622
Oh, you're okay. You
live in New York now.
282
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,925
You're a very wealthy man.
283
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,483
What a shame about the family.
284
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,879
Just how wealthy am I?
285
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,032
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
286
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:38,468
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
287
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,536
Hey, that old lady
looks like Mom.
288
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,871
That's Mom.
289
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,462
Yup, and she's all
spruced up for Christmas.
290
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,543
What's with the laundry?
291
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,779
Oh, that's how they eke
out an existence now.
292
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:53,004
Mom takes in people's laundry.
293
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,551
Steven!
294
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,609
Come on down and
see our Christmas tree!
295
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,892
You got a tree?
296
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,960
Oh, how do you like it?
297
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,629
Wonderful.
298
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,965
The most beautiful
tree we've had in years.
299
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,500
Uh-huh.
300
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,935
Why didn't I buy
them a better tree?
301
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,037
You said I had a lot of money.
302
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:18,374
Uh, by the way, when
you said a lot of money,
303
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,708
did you mean, like, uh...?
304
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,277
Alex, that's not important.
305
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,045
Right, right.
306
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,415
Hello, Mother.
307
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:27,950
Oh, Mallory!
308
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,551
Whoa, she really put on weight.
309
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:32,854
She's pregnant, and I
think she looks radiant.
310
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,189
Where's her husband?
311
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,524
Oh, he's in debtor's prison.
312
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,758
You put him there.
313
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:38,294
He couldn't repay
the money you lent him
314
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,196
for his grandmother's operation.
315
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,266
Mm, J-Jennifer's home
from work early today.
316
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,290
Oh!
317
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,173
Park your wheelbarrow
outside, honey!
318
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,541
Wheelbarrow?
319
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,798
She sells dirt.
320
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,486
Oh, no.
321
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,944
Come in and see
our tree, Jennifer.
322
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,025
Where is it?
323
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,693
Right here.
324
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,250
Oh, wow.
325
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,665
What's the matter
with her voice?
326
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,434
She has a very
advanced sore throat.
327
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,970
She's had a cold
for 30 years, now.
328
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,260
Been trying to save up
for some cough syrup.
329
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,540
Oh...
330
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,142
Jennifer, I'm sorry.
331
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,411
I... I... I meant to get
you the cough medicine.
332
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,912
I really did.
333
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:33,849
Forget it, Alex.
She can't hear you.
334
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,785
What a beautiful tree.
335
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:39,088
That's a terrible tree.
336
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:42,091
Why didn't Dad just back
over a tree like he used to do?
337
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,425
No car.
338
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:46,995
That wheelbarrow's their
only means of transportation.
339
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:48,864
Let's decorate it! Oh...
340
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,332
Do we still have our tinsel?
341
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,757
Mm-hm. Right...
Right... Right here.
342
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,193
Mm...
343
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,707
Ooh!
344
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,111
It's beautiful.
345
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,082
Oh, why...?
346
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,550
Why are you crying, honey?
347
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,553
I remember when
Alex sold us that tinsel.
348
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,510
At cost.
349
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,359
It's Alex! Oh!
350
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:18,460
Oh!
351
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:22,297
Oh, will you look
at that helicopter?
352
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,600
He... He's landing
in the front yard.
353
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,102
Oh!
354
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,103
Ah!
355
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:29,872
He crushed the wheelbarrow.
356
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,663
Our only means
of transportation.
357
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:37,346
I'll buy you a new
one, Jennifer. I promise.
358
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,480
He's getting out!
359
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:39,615
What's he carrying?
360
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,949
Oh! A bag!
361
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,751
He brought us
Christmas presents!
362
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,820
Oh... Ugh!
363
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,488
There, you see? I'm...
I'm really a nice guy.
364
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,324
I'm bringing them presents.
365
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,748
Oh!
366
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,967
Oh, no, what happened to me?
367
00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,569
You lost your spirit.
368
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:04,306
Never mind my spirit,
what about my hair?
369
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,642
Mom. Uh, Mom?
370
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:07,943
Let go of the coat.
371
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,546
Oh. A thousand pardons.
372
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,903
Have you come to
spend Christmas with us?
373
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,384
Spend Christmas here?
374
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,391
Well, that's funny, right?
375
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,348
Ha, ha, ha!
376
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:30,165
Where are you going
on this glorious holiday,
377
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,669
this holiest of holy days?
378
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,825
Vegas.
379
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:39,941
I just thought I'd stop
by, drop off the laundry.
380
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:41,610
Oh!
381
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,012
Alex, thank you!
382
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,504
Oh, Steven, he's gonna
let me do his laundry again!
383
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,453
Boy, you really
let this place go.
384
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,743
That's a nice tree, though.
385
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,026
So,
386
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,728
Mom, Dad...
387
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,133
what you been up to?
388
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,700
Oh, the usual.
389
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:10,005
Trying to eke out an existence
in a depressed economy.
390
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,109
Are you still harping
about losing your job?
391
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,977
No, I-I thought it over,
392
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,668
and I decided you
were right to fire me.
393
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,753
Oh, will you stop
that infernal coughing?
394
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,288
Sorry, sir.
395
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,691
So, Mallory,
396
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,894
barefoot and
pregnant again, huh?
397
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,863
What you gonna name this one?
398
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,720
Uh, "Alex."
399
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,369
Just like the other four.
400
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,271
Well, as long as
you don't expect me
401
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,406
to treat 'em like family.
402
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:45,941
Alex is right, Mallory.
403
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,577
He's been so good to
us already with this visit
404
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,147
and the laundry.
405
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,649
Well, I'm glad you
enjoyed my company.
406
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,584
I don't feel comfortable here.
407
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,476
I'm ashamed of all of
you. Merry Christmas.
408
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,724
Wait, wait a minute.
409
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,160
These people need food.
410
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,762
You... You can't
leave them like this.
411
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,996
Hey, listen to me.
412
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,431
Oh. Come back here.
413
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,100
Look, I'm your... I'm you.
414
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,269
Ciao.
415
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,537
Save your breath, Alex.
416
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:17,139
- You can't hear you.
- Merry Christmas!
417
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,875
Wait a minute. Come
back here, you tightwad.
418
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,166
Come back! Give them some money.
419
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,487
Boy, I didn't enjoy that at all.
420
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,722
Not a pretty picture, eh, Alex?
421
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,692
Horrible. Tell me,
Mallory, I-I gotta know.
422
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,196
Does that future have
to be? Can I change it?
423
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,831
I don't want to be bald.
424
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,099
Relax, Alex.
425
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,668
The future's the only
thing you can change.
426
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,737
I can?
427
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,039
What...? What...? What
do I have to do? Tell me.
428
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,142
Be good to your family.
429
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,644
Share your good
fortune with others.
430
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,312
And most importantly,
431
00:18:57,336 --> 00:19:00,181
massage your scalp every night.
432
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:03,084
I will, I promise.
433
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:04,253
Aw, thanks.
434
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,487
Th-thanks for showing me
435
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,322
the jerk I've been
in the past and...
436
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:09,558
And the jerk I'm
gonna be in the future.
437
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,659
And don't forget
438
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,563
the jerk you are in the present.
439
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,436
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
440
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,038
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
441
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:24,373
Can't we open the presents yet?
442
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:25,807
♪ Over the fields we go ♪
443
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,777
Can't we? Please, please,
please, please, please?
444
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,813
Oh, all right,
maybe just a couple.
445
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,215
We could open mine.
446
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:36,718
We promised Alex
we'd wait till he got back.
447
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:39,521
But from where? He wouldn't
even tell us where he was going.
448
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:42,691
Yeah, he might have
left the country forever.
449
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:45,561
Maybe that's his present to us.
450
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,432
Ho, ho, ho!
451
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:52,133
Merry Christmas!
452
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:53,402
Alex?
453
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,472
Hey, can't fool Dad.
Old St. Nick himself.
454
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,674
Alex, where have you been?
455
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,141
Shopping.
456
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,678
You know, I realized
that it's Christmas morning
457
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,048
and I had no way of showing
how I feel about all of you.
458
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,883
How much I... I-I
care about you.
459
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,486
How important you are
to me on this day of days.
460
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,956
Maybe the beard's on too tight.
461
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,290
What's in the bag?
462
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:16,592
Presents.
463
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,427
Something for everyone.
464
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,095
Now, you gotta keep
in mind with these gifts
465
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,064
that it's the thought
that counts, okay?
466
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,622
The only place open this
morning was a 7-Eleven.
467
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,259
Dad, Merry Christmas.
468
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,010
A cup of coffee.
469
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,912
Alex, how did you know?
470
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,303
You've been hinting all year.
471
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,139
Mallory.
472
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,386
Alex,
473
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,622
beef jerky.
474
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,346
You must have read my diary.
475
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,995
For you, Mom. It
was the last one.
476
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,097
A TV Guide.
477
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,799
I'm speechless.
478
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,063
Hey, you don't have
to speak. You can read.
479
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,337
Jennifer.
480
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,721
A six-pack of cough syrup.
481
00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:08,599
You are never selling
dirt while I'm alive.
482
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,568
Dirt?
483
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:14,984
What else is in here, Alex?
484
00:21:15,008 --> 00:21:16,752
Oh, nothing, nothing.
485
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,542
"Bald No More.
486
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:21,490
Massage into
scalp every night..."
487
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:22,625
Ah, give me that.
488
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:24,493
Give me that.
489
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:27,830
Alex, this is a v...
A very nice surprise.
490
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:30,265
You know, last night, I...
491
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:33,301
I learned a little
something about myself.
492
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:36,160
I realized I've been
missing out on something.
493
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:38,841
And I have, uh...
494
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:41,010
I have Mallory
495
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,400
and Jennifer to thank for it.
496
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:47,916
Oh!
497
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,352
Almost forgot. One more thing.
498
00:21:50,376 --> 00:21:52,855
I found a one-hour laundry open.
499
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:57,114
I had everyone's clothes
cleaned and pressed.
500
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:01,405
I don't want you to ever
do laundry again, Mom.
501
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,120
One more thing.
502
00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:04,956
Mwah.
503
00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:08,804
Hit it, Reverend.
504
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,839
♪ Joy to the world ♪
505
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:13,208
♪ The Lord is come ♪
506
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:16,511
♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪
507
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:18,781
Alex, what has gotten into you?
508
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:20,749
I'm happy.
509
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:22,693
Can't a guy be
happy on Christmas?
510
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,654
I mean, look...
Look at this house.
511
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,945
There's no laundry
hanging across the room.
512
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:33,161
We have a tree
with real needles.
513
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,963
Jennifer's clean.
514
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,453
Mallory's not pregnant.
515
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,167
What?
516
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,536
I said Mallory's not president.
517
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,161
But hey, in this
country, she could be.
518
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:50,033
I just want you all
to know that, uh...
519
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:54,616
you're the most important
people in the world to me.
520
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,185
And I know I don't
show it sometimes,
521
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,042
but I love you all very much.
522
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:02,057
Merry Christmas.
523
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,401
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Alex.
524
00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:07,896
All right, it is
time for a picture.
525
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,064
All right, we...
526
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:10,632
I guess we don't
have to be so, uh...
527
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:12,067
So formal this time.
528
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:14,369
Just pose any way you want.
529
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,171
No... Wait... Wait a minute.
530
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:18,573
Dad, this is Christmas
morning. We gotta do this right.
531
00:23:18,597 --> 00:23:21,176
Traditional Keaton
Christmas positions.
532
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,011
All right. Okay.
533
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,515
Hurry up. Oh, be
careful of the tree, honey.
534
00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:27,182
Got it? Oh, yes.
535
00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:29,284
Honey, quickly, here it comes.
536
00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:30,786
Perfect.
537
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,720
Merry Christmas!
34427
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