Original subtitles

# There's three of us, there's three of us

# Look closely, you will see.

# There's three of us, just three of us

# There's him and you and me

# And every day we all hang out to find out what we talk about

# And I'm the one who is quite tall

# And I'm the one who's going bald

# And I've gone bald as well

# That's three of us, just three of us, us three. #

There we are, Hovris, all set for brothers visit.

Right, I just realised, brother's visit isn't until next month.

Oh, wow.

Wow. What a twist. Not really.

Grolton is the dog?

No, Grolton is the man. Hovris is the dog, I reckon.

And don't forget our famous family discount.

If you're part of a family, you might be lucky.

Guess what I just found in the pantry?

What? No, you have to guess.

I'll give you three guesses.

Uh, is it a tin of soup?

Ooh. Good guess.

Ha, wrong.

Well, maybe it's a... Um... ..a packet of chuddle dollops.

That's right. Yes!

A packet of chuddle dollops.

Yay!

Well, let's crack into these dollops, then.

Let me at them. Hold on.

You still have one guess left. But I got it right.

So? I said three guesses, not two.

You want me to do another guess, what's the point?

People are dying to know what your final guess would have been.

What people? Fine.

Is it, um, some rice?

Wrong. Oh, bad luck.

OK, I win.

Now let's crack into these chuddy D's.

Come on. I'm trying. Open them up.

What's wrong with you?

Open up! Open up! Open up! Open up!

I can't. Hey, why not try a healthy option?

Did you know that preservatives...

Oh, dear. Looks like these guys need our help.

Hooray, Lily. There's nothing we like more than to help.

Is he talking to us?

Yes, he is. Now I am, too.

Wow. I've never spoken to two people before.

What about us? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sorry. Can we do this another time?

It's just we're about to eat these dollops.

Uh-oh. I don't think they're going to be able to open them, are they?

No, they are not, Lily. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Why not? It's not their fault, Todney.

Maybe they can't read.

Because it looks to me like that's a family pack. For a family.

I think that's more of a guide to the amount than a law.

We are a family, aren't we?

I'm the dad. He's the pet. And you're... You, the dad?

No. Come on. If anyone's a father figure, it's me.

No, I even keep little pictures of us in the house wallet.

See. That's not you.

Isn't it? If we're not a family, then, then what are we?

Just like a group or... A club? I don't want to be in a club.

I want to be in a family. I want to be the dad.

I have a family.

Hmm...

No. Oh, dear. That's not a family.

That's just a dad.

We're talking about a full set.

Uncles, nephews, grandparents, and even a kind sister.

Aww, that's nice.

So what? Sure, we're not technically a family, but we live together

and we have the same lawyer. And it works for us. Right, guys?

Does it? Why are you two so obsessed with family anyway?

It's just a word. Just a word?

I love my family and they like me.

Calm yourself, brother. Sorry about that, friends.

Family is just something that means a great deal to us.

Come on, Todney. Let's show them.

# What does family mean to me and my family?

# Well, F is for friendship, because a family is friends

# Me and my sister are pretty good friends

# A is for advice

# A family gives advice because Todney's my family

# He will take my advice

# That's what family means to me and my family

# U is for unit

A unit of what?

# Like this family of ants, they all work together

# L is for landlines and learning to share

# You're not a real family unless you have a landline

# That's what family means to me and my family

# Well, B is for bunk beds or sharing a bath

# C is for cooking family meals

# H is for haircuts or family heirlooms

# D is for devotion and T is for twins

# That's what family means to me and my family. #

Faulbchdt. That's not a word.

That's right, isn't it, Lily?

Family is so much more than just a word.

I knew it. I'm not supposed to be living with these two things.

They're not even red. I should be with guys like me.

Come on. Where are they? I'd like to meet the guys like me.

Who like one of me.

Steady on now, you still have a lot to learn before you're ready

to be part of a family.

Whatever shall we do, Todney?

I think we need to call a... family meeting.

THEY WHISPER

Look at them go. Wow.

I'll admit it's impressive.

Hey, we've just had an idea, haven't we, Lily?

We have, Todney. Let's say it together.

On the count of 15.

BOTH: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 12,

13, 14, 15.

Why don't you guys come to our family home and see a real

family in action? Yay!

Could we perhaps have our own internal discussion about whether we'd like to do that.

As the house father figure... What for?

We shouldn't really be talking to each other any more.

We don't even know each other, really.

We're just a bunch or a clump or something.

Don't say that. Of course we know each other.

Look. No, wait. That's...

Let's see this real family in action.

They can open our dollops. And we can leave our pathetic life behind.

ALL CHEER "YAY!"

Follow me. And follow me also.

More tea? Erm, no, no, thank you.

Is that tea? Looks too thick to be a liquid, but too wet

to be a... It's a family recipe.

Todney, say when?

It smells funny in here.

That's our family scent. Every family has a scent.

Hey, I don't mind it one bit.

Hey, don't sniff it all.

It belongs to the whole family.

Yeah. Leave some for us.

Oh, I didn't get a sniff in.

TODNEY: Don't worry. We can always make more.

Oh, father. Brother. You're home.

Come. Come sit with us.

Look, we have visitors.

Hello. You have a beautiful family here.

I'm actually looking to meet my family. OK.

So what are we watching here?

When you are a family, it's important to treasure your memories.

This is our first family picnic.

We have picnics. Shush. This is a good bit.

I'm still rather hungry, Todney. Yes, Lily, so am I.

Oh, what a special day that was.

I was stung by a bee on my eyelid, but mother kissed it better.

Shush now, Todney. So how long is this home movie?

This is the extended cut.

Because we actually can't stay for too long.

We need to get home. Hey, no talking over the home movies.

Hey, guys, can we just talk privately for a moment?

What? You, me and that one? You can't have a family meeting.

You're not a family.

Well, let's just have a bundle meeting.

Wait, what were we? We can do a friends meeting.

Well, that's a stretch.

Cluster or a club? Argh!

LILY AND TODNEY: Grandma's right, it's family game time.

Family game time. Family game time.

What's this now?

LILY AND TODNEY: Family game time. Family game time. Family game time.

Family game time, family game time.

Family game time. Family game time.

Rule two, he or she must have at least two cousins

on the family ladder.

One, two, three, four and five and six.

A family secret. Well done, Todney.

Hooray! And that's good. Is it?

Sorry, what are the rules of this game?

It's just once round the board, right?

All families need to have secrets.

The bigger, the better.

What's it going to be?

Wow.

MUTTERS INCOHERENTLY

Are you not going to read it out?

Oh, no. It's a secret.

My go.

Oh, nice roll, Lily.

Thank you, Todney.

Now I get to move across the family bridge and mingle with the cousins.

Yay! Oh, well done.

There she goes.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Where did you get this game?

We didn't invent it. I didn't say you did.

It's your turn, here.

You can use mother's piece.

Woo. Oh.

Mother will be home in time for dinner.

You'll stay for dinner, won't you?

Look, we get the general idea. Families are nice.

You have a bigger house than us, but we should be heading off.

We haven't finished the game.

Yeah, I think this is just a practice round.

We haven't even reached the family spiral.

Yeah, fine. Look, pass me that piece.

MOTHER SCREAMS

Mother's piece must only be touched by mother.

You broke the rules.

Perhaps you should leave.

Fine. Come on, guys. Let's go.

No, you're not the dad of us.

I'm staying and it's my turn.

So... Not them, just you.

And here it is, the great family tree.

Our house is built around it.

The tree shows all of our family members that came before us.

Our ancestors.

Well, hang on a minute.

If I'm not mistaken, these pictures, they've all been...

..they've all been framed.

Oh, yes. Nice, framed pictures.

Yeah, I reckon my family will have hundreds of these things.

What? Pictures. Where's the other one?

I thought we were going to share those dollops.

I think you'd look nice in a picture.

So what's this one?

Do I get one of these?

That's Uncle Terry.

Uncle? I like the sound of that.

An uncle is just like an extra cheeky father, but weaker.

And in the distance.

You don't mind it when they stay.

But you're not too sad when they leave.

Uncle Terry will be sorely missed.

He went somewhere?

Uncle Terry died.

He went on fire.

Oh, no.

But he was OK in the end, he left us his filing cabinet.

Yay! It was nearly new.

Right. I'm ready. Where's my uncle? Is he around?

No, silly. This is our family.

OK, but where's my family?

Perhaps I could help.

I just need a sample of your DNA.

What for? To help you find your family members, silly.

Great. So do you need some forms? How about a blood sample?

I just need a drop.

So how long until the results?

I'm pretty excited to finally meet my family.

You're taking quite a lot of blood there actually.

I reckon my family,

they probably want to get a new photo.

Need to make sure the results are accurate.

It doesn't matter.

We'll be better off without them.

Anyway, I was wondering if you guys think of yourselves as a family

and if you needed any more family members, maybe a dad?

Uh, I'm not really sure what it is that you're asking.

We're...we're just bread.

Hey, now, now, come along now, children.

Let's go home for daddy's birthday.

Fine. Ah, no, no, no.

Argh! You know what?

I'm actually glad I don't have a family.

# I don't even want to be in a family

# A family wouldn't suit me

# Now I don't want other people who look quite like me, who I want to

# get on with cos we have the same diseases

# I don't need the members of my family

# I only need the one I love the most

# And that in many ways, I know I am my family

# And everything I do, I am there for me

# So I can spend time on my own

# And if I ever get lonely, I can eat a family meal,

# I just eat it slowly

# I can be there for myself when I need a shoulder to cry

# on or some financial help

# I know who to rely on

# Everybody is talking about their family

# But my family is made of just me

# And me and I get along just fine

# And we never have rows, except for that one time

# My family who they love the most

# And they all say me

# Me. #

And there.

Wow. Looks like we've both grown a few inches this week, Todney.

It's not much, Lily, but it's better than going backwards, like grandma.

Hey, I know.

Why don't we measure you?

Where are the others I came with?

What others?

We're here.

No, I mean. Come on, this will be fun, won't it, Todney?

It will, Lily. Measuring is so much fun.

Erm, are you sure I'm meant to be measured on the family wall?

I thought I wasn't a family.

Don't be silly.

We consider you to be such a close friend.

You're almost part of the family.

That's right, Lily. He's almost part of the family.

Huh?

BELL RINGS Yeah, it's bed time.

Bed time! Bed time! Bed time!

Having trouble sleeping?

It's just so bright outside.

Maybe you could turn your light off and your torch.

Don't worry. I know it can be hard to sleep after such a fun packed day,

but you should really get your rest.

I know, Todney, why don't you sing the night-time song?

Todney has a beautiful singing voice.

# La la, la, la... #

No, thank you to the song, Todney.

Oh, that's lovely, Todney.

No.

Just, I think I was here with some other guys.

That's quite nice.

You do have a beautiful singing voice.

Yes.

Huh? Lights out.

OK, and a little to your left.

Now, hold it there.

Yeah. Very nice.

So you must be the uncle. Stay still, please, sir.

I like him. Is he... Hey, I'm not going to tell you again.

Yep. Sorry.

And you on the left, can you stop smiling?

Oh, am I smiling? Yes.

Sorry. I just can't help myself.

I'm just happy to finally be with my family.

You're ruining it. We can't have him in the shot.

What? No, please. Come on.

I'm just happy. I'm sorry.

Fine. Just stay still.

OK, everyone, on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Oh. There you are.

Huh?

What's happening?

Hello? What is this?

Get me out of here. I want to go home.

He's getting stressed again. That's OK.

He's probably just hungry.

Yes. Probably just hungry.

Oh, so hungry.

Isn't that right, mummy?

Wait. What? I'm not mummy.

You are mummy.

That means we are a proper family again.

Doesn't it, Lily? It does, Todney.

And now that we are a proper family, we qualify for the Grolton's

family discount again.

Make the call, mummy.

Use those fingers and make the call.

ALL CHANT: Make the call. Make the call. Make the call.

Make the call. Make the call. Make the call. Stop it!

CONTINUE CHANTING "MAKE THE CALL"

I'd like to order the family tub, please.

Family tub.

Family tub to feed us.

Dad.

I knew you'd come.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Dad.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

What did you say?

Oh, nothing.

So you didn't want to stay with your new family then?

No, I don't know what that was.

Probably not a family.

What about you and your family? I don't want to talk about it.

Hey, who says we're not a family anyway?

Maybe a family is just a group that care for each other.

And stick together. And share a lawyer.

Die on the same day in the same style

of accident, but in different locations.

Well said, brother.

Here, pass me that family pack.

I think things might go a little differently this time.

I guess we could share. I want those!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media