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1
00:00:33,198 --> 00:00:35,332
Honey, I'm home.
2
00:01:01,693 --> 00:01:03,927
Ladies, for silky smooth legs
3
00:01:04,029 --> 00:01:05,529
that guys really love,
4
00:01:05,631 --> 00:01:07,664
try the new Epi-Scale
Leg Smoother.
5
00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:11,701
Ooh! This really hurts.
6
00:01:11,803 --> 00:01:14,537
Yeah, but males love it.
7
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,172
I want that.
8
00:01:16,274 --> 00:01:17,674
No, you don't.
9
00:01:17,776 --> 00:01:19,109
Want silky smooth legs.
10
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:21,244
You don't want smooth
legs. You're a boy.
11
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,627
Oh.
12
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:26,215
Then I want a machine
gun. Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh!
13
00:01:28,787 --> 00:01:30,753
Oh, boy.
14
00:01:30,855 --> 00:01:32,922
Something wrong, dear?
15
00:01:33,025 --> 00:01:36,226
Oh. I got a C-plus
on my astronomy test.
16
00:01:36,328 --> 00:01:37,760
Well, that's very nice, dear.
17
00:01:37,862 --> 00:01:40,063
That's a whole plus
above your personal best.
18
00:01:40,165 --> 00:01:42,076
No. You don't understand, mom.
19
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,500
I overachieved.
20
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:45,346
I'm above average now.
21
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:46,814
My teacher's noticed me.
22
00:01:46,838 --> 00:01:47,904
What did he say?
23
00:01:48,006 --> 00:01:50,184
It was horrible.
He encouraged me.
24
00:01:50,208 --> 00:01:53,076
He's making me do an
astronomy project for extra credit.
25
00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:54,288
Congratulations.
26
00:01:54,312 --> 00:01:56,580
Uh! You don't even get it.
27
00:01:56,682 --> 00:01:58,515
I did above average.
28
00:01:58,617 --> 00:02:01,137
And now I'm gonna lose
all my average friends.
29
00:02:01,186 --> 00:02:03,487
Uh! Now, he wants me to
make an extra credit model
30
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:04,855
of the solar system.
31
00:02:04,956 --> 00:02:07,168
I'm sure you'll make a
very nice solar system.
32
00:02:07,192 --> 00:02:09,826
And maybe you'll develop
an interest in astronomy.
33
00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:12,095
Sure, great. So what if I do?
34
00:02:12,197 --> 00:02:14,263
Who ever heard of a
female astronomer?
35
00:02:14,365 --> 00:02:17,200
Even so, honey, it's
important to be well-rounded.
36
00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:19,736
Oh yeah, so when I'm
cleaning up after my husband,
37
00:02:19,838 --> 00:02:21,771
I'll know where
all the planets are.
38
00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:23,806
- Good news, family.
- My life is over.
39
00:02:23,908 --> 00:02:25,141
Daddy's home early.
40
00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:26,887
What's the occasion?
41
00:02:26,911 --> 00:02:28,445
Oh, dead guy at work.
42
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:30,591
Oh, my goodness. What happened?
43
00:02:30,615 --> 00:02:34,117
We push down trees for
a living. You figure it out.
44
00:02:34,219 --> 00:02:37,053
Oh, Frannie, have you
seen my bowling ball?
45
00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:39,156
I get to fill his spot
on the company team.
46
00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:40,534
It's in the closet.
47
00:02:40,558 --> 00:02:42,825
Oh. Strike time.
48
00:02:42,927 --> 00:02:44,394
Hello, Fran.
49
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:47,464
Hi, Monica. You look blue.
50
00:02:47,565 --> 00:02:50,066
Oh, I thought I had a buyer
for the Shumway house,
51
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,213
but he turned out to be a snake.
52
00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:54,115
The banks don't
loan to snakes...
53
00:02:54,139 --> 00:02:57,006
You know their policy:
no limbs, no loans.
54
00:02:57,108 --> 00:03:00,043
You were counting on that
commission. What will you do?
55
00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:03,280
I guess I'll have to get another
job until the market is better.
56
00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:05,147
So, what are you looking for?
57
00:03:05,249 --> 00:03:07,061
Just something to tide me over,
58
00:03:07,085 --> 00:03:09,163
something low
stress and mindless,
59
00:03:09,187 --> 00:03:10,931
something any idiot can do.
60
00:03:10,955 --> 00:03:14,324
All right, who filled in the
holes in my bowling ball?
61
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:17,160
Oh, never mind.
Here's some more.
62
00:03:17,262 --> 00:03:20,931
Hey, Earl, did they replace
that poor fellow at work yet?
63
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,732
Nah, not yet.
64
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,868
Not until they
dig his helmet out.
65
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:27,537
Hmm. it's a job.
66
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,574
Earl, Monica needs a job.
67
00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:33,409
And there's gonna be an
opening down at work, right?
68
00:03:33,511 --> 00:03:34,544
Right.
69
00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:37,247
- So...
- So?
70
00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:40,083
So? Fran, will you
stop talking in riddles?
71
00:03:40,185 --> 00:03:42,196
I want you to take
Monica to work with you
72
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,621
and get her an interview
with Mr. Richfield.
73
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:47,323
A female tree-pusher?
74
00:03:47,425 --> 00:03:49,325
You can't be serious.
75
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:50,693
It's ludicrous.
76
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,929
I'd be a laughing stock.
77
00:03:53,031 --> 00:03:54,230
Mr. Richfield...
78
00:03:54,332 --> 00:03:55,332
What?
79
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:58,034
There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
80
00:03:58,136 --> 00:04:00,369
Mmm.
81
00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:03,907
Well, you brought me
a female, eh, Sinclair?
82
00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:05,487
Uh, well, I, uh...
83
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,911
That's mighty nice,
but I already got a wife.
84
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:09,612
Nice gesture though.
85
00:04:09,714 --> 00:04:12,181
Oh, thank you, sir.
86
00:04:12,283 --> 00:04:13,449
But, uh...
87
00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:18,287
uh, she's here for the,
uh... tree-pusher job.
88
00:04:18,389 --> 00:04:20,490
What?
89
00:04:20,592 --> 00:04:23,192
A female tree-pusher.
You can't be serious.
90
00:04:23,295 --> 00:04:24,661
It's ludicrous.
91
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:26,729
You're a laughing stock.
92
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:30,266
Just as I predicted.
93
00:04:30,368 --> 00:04:32,080
So shall I tell her to go away?
94
00:04:32,104 --> 00:04:34,070
Ahh! It's too late now.
95
00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:36,606
Ahh! We're an
equal-opportunity employer.
96
00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:39,576
We have strict guidelines
about this sort of thing.
97
00:04:39,678 --> 00:04:41,911
We can't just send her away.
98
00:04:42,013 --> 00:04:43,713
Let me see. Here it is.
99
00:04:43,815 --> 00:04:45,948
"Interviewing a
female applicant."
100
00:04:46,050 --> 00:04:48,684
Hmm. "Smile a lot,
compliment her handbag,
101
00:04:48,786 --> 00:04:50,253
then send her away."
102
00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,421
She can't ask for
more than that.
103
00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:54,357
Then, I passed
the real estate exam
104
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,225
with the highest
score in my class.
105
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,673
And sold a house my
very first day on the job.
106
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:01,064
But now, with the soft
housing market, I must...
107
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:05,068
My, that's a lovely handbag.
108
00:05:06,438 --> 00:05:07,637
Excuse me?
109
00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:12,342
I was just complimenting
your handbag.
110
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:15,278
I don't have a handbag.
I don't have hands.
111
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,947
Oh, well, uh, then, uh..
112
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:21,017
Let me compliment
your lovely, uh-uh-uh...
113
00:05:22,153 --> 00:05:23,386
neck!
114
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:26,534
Small. Neck small.
115
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:27,798
My my,
116
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:30,660
that's a lovely neck small.
117
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,195
Thanks.
118
00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:34,063
Uh... uh...
119
00:05:34,165 --> 00:05:35,698
Ahh...
120
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,366
Uh, sounds like uh...
121
00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:41,770
- Moron?
- Doh!
122
00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:43,440
Yeah?
123
00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:44,542
What?
124
00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:46,542
Necklace.
125
00:05:46,644 --> 00:05:48,811
Necklace! Necklace!
126
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:52,248
My, that's a lovely necklace.
127
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:54,250
Yeah!
128
00:05:54,352 --> 00:05:55,651
Excuse me.
129
00:05:55,753 --> 00:05:58,454
But what does my necklace
have to do with getting this job?
130
00:05:58,556 --> 00:06:01,257
It's just that you're
such a dainty little thing,
131
00:06:01,359 --> 00:06:03,760
and tree pushing
requires such strength
132
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:06,595
and a large degree of
technical knowledge.
133
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:09,065
I'm sure it's way over my head,
134
00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:12,235
but hypothetically, would
I be knocking down trees
135
00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:14,203
like those outside?
136
00:06:14,305 --> 00:06:16,372
Aw, come on, I said
you got a nice necklace,
137
00:06:16,474 --> 00:06:18,085
now take it on out of here!
138
00:06:18,109 --> 00:06:19,508
Oh...
139
00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:27,384
When can you start?
140
00:06:27,486 --> 00:06:31,454
I spot this pretty young
thing in the supermarket, right,
141
00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:33,634
and I walk up to her and I say,
142
00:06:33,658 --> 00:06:35,569
"Hey, I'm no cashier,
143
00:06:35,593 --> 00:06:37,571
but you got at least two items
144
00:06:37,595 --> 00:06:41,331
that I'd like to check out,
if you know what I mean?"
145
00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:45,334
I don't get it.
146
00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:46,969
Don't you see, Roy?
147
00:06:47,071 --> 00:06:49,872
Harris has invented a new
way to talk to the babes.
148
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,441
Yeah, that's right.
149
00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:54,443
Everything he says
has two meanings.
150
00:06:54,545 --> 00:06:56,112
Oh.
151
00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:57,214
Why?
152
00:06:57,281 --> 00:06:58,721
Look, on one level,
153
00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:00,917
you're having a nice
little conversation
154
00:07:01,019 --> 00:07:02,284
with a sweet lovely,
155
00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:03,907
but on another level,
156
00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:07,156
you're saying something
kind of, you know, sexual.
157
00:07:07,258 --> 00:07:09,358
That's why we call
him "Sexual" Harris.
158
00:07:09,461 --> 00:07:10,693
Ba da boom.
159
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:12,673
He's a linguistical pioneer.
160
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:15,598
Yeah.
161
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,267
I still don't get it.
162
00:07:17,369 --> 00:07:20,303
Guys, hey, guys, I've
got some bad news.
163
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:23,540
Uh... Richfield's hired
a female tree-pusher.
164
00:07:23,642 --> 00:07:25,975
What? A female? Is he crazy?
165
00:07:26,077 --> 00:07:27,722
Yeah. It's true.
166
00:07:27,746 --> 00:07:29,826
Not that I was there or
had anything to do with it.
167
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:32,448
I just heard, you know?
168
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,051
Hey!
169
00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:37,197
Thanks for your help, Earl.
170
00:07:37,221 --> 00:07:38,921
Aw, you killed us, Earl.
171
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,991
I'm supposed to report
to foreman Harris.
172
00:07:42,093 --> 00:07:44,794
That's me, little lady. Now,
why don't you come with me
173
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,863
and I'll show you how
to take down trees.
174
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:50,066
You push. I'll shove,
if you catch my drift.
175
00:07:50,168 --> 00:07:51,634
Two meanings!
176
00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:53,235
One, two.
177
00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:05,448
Well, that's not bad, but you
left a few roots, sweetheart.
178
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:07,528
Now, if you want to get
somewhere in this job,
179
00:08:07,552 --> 00:08:09,985
you got to be willing
to go all the way,
180
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:11,666
if we're on the same track.
181
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,522
I beg your pardon?
182
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:16,793
I'm just saying, if you want to
make points with the foreman,
183
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:19,095
it's going to take
a lot of late nights,
184
00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:20,841
if you hear what I'm saying.
185
00:08:20,865 --> 00:08:23,299
Let's just confine our
comments to the job.
186
00:08:23,401 --> 00:08:25,601
Now, now, just relax.
You're too tense.
187
00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:28,037
What do you say we
go out for a few brews.
188
00:08:28,139 --> 00:08:30,173
And later on, I'll
jump on your scales,
189
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:32,241
and you can tell me
how much I weigh,
190
00:08:32,343 --> 00:08:34,343
if you know what I mean.
191
00:08:34,445 --> 00:08:35,612
No.
192
00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:37,981
What do you mean, no?
193
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,316
I mean no. I'm not interested.
194
00:08:40,418 --> 00:08:43,753
I find the things you talk
about personally offensive.
195
00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:47,123
I hope this doesn't interfere
with my being able to work here.
196
00:08:47,225 --> 00:08:49,425
And that's when he fired me.
197
00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:53,029
Sometimes I think males
are the lowest form of life.
198
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:54,330
Oh, hi, Monica.
199
00:08:54,432 --> 00:08:56,865
Hey, quite a career you
carved out for yourself.
200
00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:58,233
Almost a whole day...
201
00:08:58,335 --> 00:09:01,304
and only 65 years
short of a pension too.
202
00:09:01,406 --> 00:09:04,206
Earl, what happened to
Monica was completely unfair.
203
00:09:04,308 --> 00:09:06,643
There must be some way
she could get her job back.
204
00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:08,410
No, there is not.
205
00:09:08,512 --> 00:09:11,280
Oh, come on, Earl. There
must be something she could do.
206
00:09:11,382 --> 00:09:13,316
Oh, no no no! There's nothing.
207
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:15,919
And even if there
was, there wouldn't be.
208
00:09:17,588 --> 00:09:21,157
Oh, um, you thought I
was asking about Monica.
209
00:09:21,259 --> 00:09:25,027
No, it's for my cousin... Monty
210
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,507
who works for WESAYSO...
211
00:09:26,531 --> 00:09:29,298
the... southern branch.
212
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,768
Well, why didn't
you tell me that?
213
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:34,303
Just tell Monty that if
he was unjustly fired,
214
00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:37,440
he can request a hearing
from the board of grievances.
215
00:09:37,542 --> 00:09:39,875
A hearing.
216
00:09:39,977 --> 00:09:41,877
Oh, what's the point?
217
00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:44,147
No female's ever
going to get a fair shake
218
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:46,182
in this male-dominated society.
219
00:09:46,284 --> 00:09:47,550
Thanks a lot, mom.
220
00:09:47,652 --> 00:09:50,486
I took your advice and I made
a model of the solar system.
221
00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:52,321
I actually enjoyed doing it.
222
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:55,024
For once, I thought I was
good at something in school,
223
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:56,693
I thought my life was changing
224
00:09:56,795 --> 00:09:59,228
and then the boys
in my class ate it.
225
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:02,832
Charlene, I'm sure the
teacher appreciated your effort.
226
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,000
They ate it before he saw it.
227
00:10:05,102 --> 00:10:07,703
Oh! It was a real solar system
228
00:10:07,805 --> 00:10:10,906
with planets and the sun, oh!
229
00:10:11,008 --> 00:10:13,075
And the boys said
that I'm a female
230
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:15,278
and shouldn't stick
my nose in the universe
231
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:16,891
where it doesn't belong.
232
00:10:16,915 --> 00:10:18,815
The boys were jealous.
233
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,384
I'm gonna forget about
astronomy and just shop.
234
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:25,254
You know, if we continue
to let males intimidate us,
235
00:10:25,356 --> 00:10:28,290
we females will never get
the chances we deserve.
236
00:10:28,392 --> 00:10:29,491
Oh, yeah?
237
00:10:29,594 --> 00:10:31,627
Like I'm gonna change the world?
238
00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:34,764
Maybe you and I can't change
the whole world, Charlene,
239
00:10:34,866 --> 00:10:37,111
but we've gotta start somewhere.
240
00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:38,245
- Fran.
- Yes?
241
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:40,480
Get Mr. Richfield on the phone.
242
00:10:40,504 --> 00:10:43,306
I want a hearing.
243
00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:50,212
We interrupt our
regular programming
244
00:10:50,314 --> 00:10:52,615
to bring you coverage
of this special hearing.
245
00:10:52,717 --> 00:10:55,785
It's sure to be titillating and
it cost us next to nothing.
246
00:10:55,887 --> 00:10:58,554
I'm Howard
Handupme reporting live
247
00:10:58,656 --> 00:11:00,616
from the WESAYSO
corporate hearing room.
248
00:11:00,692 --> 00:11:02,725
Today board
members will determine
249
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:05,294
whether Monica
Devertebrae was unjustly fired
250
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:09,465
for refusing to date
foreman Al "Sexual" Harris.
251
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:11,166
Order!
252
00:11:11,269 --> 00:11:13,603
And as I see, committee
chairman B.P. Richfield
253
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,971
has gaveled the
hearing to order.
254
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:17,652
- Let's watch.
- Shut up!
255
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:21,444
Now, I want to make one
thing clear right from the start.
256
00:11:21,545 --> 00:11:23,612
Our only purpose
of these proceedings
257
00:11:23,714 --> 00:11:25,081
is to find the truth.
258
00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:27,583
Nobody is on trial here.
259
00:11:27,685 --> 00:11:28,984
I object!
260
00:11:29,086 --> 00:11:30,519
Sustained.
261
00:11:30,621 --> 00:11:33,089
All right, OK, only
the female is on trial.
262
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:35,557
But I'm going to conduct
it in an orderly fashion.
263
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:39,595
And let me remind the board
that just because we're on TV,
264
00:11:39,697 --> 00:11:41,242
I'm not going to put up
265
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:43,766
with any grandstanding
or personal agendas.
266
00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:46,202
I concur with
Mr. Chairman Richfield.
267
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:48,070
As I said to my brother Jim
268
00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:50,106
of "Honest Jim's Used Cars,"
269
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,909
we must put personal
agendas aside,
270
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:55,177
especially during the
week of "Honest Jim's
271
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,880
Bumper-To-Bumper
Blowout Bonanza."
272
00:11:57,982 --> 00:12:00,261
Thank you, Mr. Dixon.
273
00:12:00,285 --> 00:12:02,329
All right, let's get started.
274
00:12:02,353 --> 00:12:04,119
Um...
275
00:12:04,221 --> 00:12:05,461
Miss Devertebrae,
276
00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:07,456
please step up to
the witness table.
277
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:09,959
State your full name
and tell us what happened
278
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:11,638
on the date in question.
279
00:12:11,662 --> 00:12:13,908
Before I start,
I'd just like to say
280
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:16,398
that I'm grateful to the
WESAYSO Corporation
281
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,245
for granting me a fair hearing.
282
00:12:18,269 --> 00:12:20,603
I have over a hundred witnesses
283
00:12:20,705 --> 00:12:23,806
that'll testifying that
for the past 22 years,
284
00:12:23,908 --> 00:12:26,709
you have in fact
been a prostitute!
285
00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:28,143
I have not.
286
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:30,012
Oh. Sorry. My mistake.
287
00:12:30,114 --> 00:12:32,114
Everyone hear the
word "prostitute?"
288
00:12:32,216 --> 00:12:36,686
I can't believe they use that
kind of language on television.
289
00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:39,021
Don't they know that
kids are watching?
290
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:41,824
Mother, this is an
important real life event.
291
00:12:41,926 --> 00:12:43,237
It'll make the kids think.
292
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,694
I don't want the kids to think.
293
00:12:45,796 --> 00:12:47,696
I want the kids to watch safe,
294
00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,965
little situation comedies
295
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:53,936
with time-tested
repetitive story lines.
296
00:12:54,038 --> 00:12:57,206
So I asked him to stop
saying those kinds of things,
297
00:12:57,308 --> 00:12:58,608
but he persisted.
298
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:01,877
Excuse me, but do you
really expect us to believe
299
00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:04,479
you can remember
exactly what happened
300
00:13:04,582 --> 00:13:07,016
almost 10 years ago?
301
00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:08,618
It was Tuesday.
302
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,719
My mistake. Please go on.
303
00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:13,789
Hmm-mmm-mmm.
304
00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:15,457
DNN special coverage
305
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,660
of the "Sexual" Harris
hearing continues.
306
00:13:17,762 --> 00:13:19,962
Please continue
with your testimony.
307
00:13:20,064 --> 00:13:22,076
And then it was quitting time.
308
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,377
And he said the
strangest thing to me.
309
00:13:24,401 --> 00:13:26,736
He said, and I quote,
310
00:13:26,838 --> 00:13:28,478
"I'll jump on your scales,
311
00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:30,706
and can you tell me
how much I weigh."
312
00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:36,846
Well, well, it seems clear to me
313
00:13:36,947 --> 00:13:40,816
that we need to determine
what "Sexual" Harris Meant.
314
00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:42,885
I think that purpose
can best be served
315
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:45,020
by opening the
floor to questions.
316
00:13:45,122 --> 00:13:47,289
Uh, let's begin with my
esteemed colleague...
317
00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:49,358
Mr... uh... Wolfe.
318
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:53,829
You're obviously a
very attractive female.
319
00:13:53,931 --> 00:13:55,931
Could you please describe for us
320
00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:58,501
what you were wearing
at the time of the incident?
321
00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:00,136
Was it, uh...
322
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:02,405
seductive or revealing?
323
00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:05,341
It was a hard hat
and a work shirt.
324
00:14:05,442 --> 00:14:07,420
And I don't appreciate
the insinuation
325
00:14:07,444 --> 00:14:09,778
that I somehow asked
for this kind of behavior.
326
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,714
I'm insinuating no such thing.
327
00:14:12,816 --> 00:14:16,385
Now, could you please
describe for us, in detail,
328
00:14:16,487 --> 00:14:19,221
what kind of underwear
you have on at the moment?
329
00:14:19,323 --> 00:14:21,958
I don't understand
how that's relevant.
330
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:25,327
Well, ma'am, if you
understood the relevancy of it,
331
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,296
you'd be a male.
332
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:33,502
I don't see why Monica's
putting herself through this.
333
00:14:33,604 --> 00:14:35,537
Couldn't she just
find another job?
334
00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:37,251
You're missing the whole point.
335
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:39,155
Monica's fighting
against injustice,
336
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,777
struggling for the rights
of females everywhere.
337
00:14:41,879 --> 00:14:44,212
Yeah? Write a song about it.
338
00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:45,881
Look, sweet cheeks,
339
00:14:45,984 --> 00:14:47,784
isn't this whole thing just part
340
00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:50,119
of some twisted
sexual fantasy of yours,
341
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:52,888
a fantasy that
might also include
342
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,890
being alone on a
deserted island?
343
00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:56,459
Yes. Yes.
344
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:59,495
One with scores of
scantily-clad young females
345
00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:02,097
and they're smearing
marmalade all over you...
346
00:15:02,199 --> 00:15:04,600
Mr. Dixon!
347
00:15:04,702 --> 00:15:06,636
Could I have a moment, please?
348
00:15:06,738 --> 00:15:08,537
Ah, I see.
349
00:15:08,639 --> 00:15:11,941
Mr. Heffer, would you like
to take over the questioning?
350
00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:14,543
Why, yes...
351
00:15:14,645 --> 00:15:18,480
I would. Alright.
352
00:15:18,582 --> 00:15:22,284
I'd like...
353
00:15:22,386 --> 00:15:24,297
Cancel my tennis lesson.
354
00:15:24,321 --> 00:15:25,888
To, um...
355
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,456
to go...
356
00:15:27,558 --> 00:15:28,690
back...
357
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:35,697
to the, um...
358
00:15:38,236 --> 00:15:40,970
to the beginning...
359
00:15:43,241 --> 00:15:44,740
of your...
360
00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:48,477
testimony.
361
00:15:48,579 --> 00:15:50,245
Ah!
362
00:15:50,347 --> 00:15:52,414
Ah! Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!
363
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,917
Uh... Mr. Lackey.
364
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:57,987
I'd just like to say
365
00:15:58,088 --> 00:16:01,090
I think that you've
been treated very poorly.
366
00:16:01,192 --> 00:16:03,859
And I applaud your
courage for coming forward.
367
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:06,262
Ah!
368
00:16:06,364 --> 00:16:08,008
But I think you're a tramp.
369
00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:10,310
I am deeply offended
370
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:12,379
by these attacks
on my character.
371
00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:14,870
At no time did I ever lie,
372
00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:18,140
exaggerate, or fantasize.
373
00:16:18,242 --> 00:16:21,177
I say shame on all of you
374
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:23,712
for your disrespectful,
backward opinions
375
00:16:23,814 --> 00:16:25,681
about females everywhere.
376
00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:28,284
- Oh!
- What's it mean?
377
00:16:28,386 --> 00:16:31,453
She shows a lot of
sincerity and class.
378
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:34,189
We gotta discredit
her. Know anyone?
379
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:37,393
Sinclair! In here now!
380
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:42,697
Hey! Hey!
381
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,166
You called, sir?
382
00:16:44,268 --> 00:16:45,901
Sinclair, we need
you to testify.
383
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:47,514
But I don't know what to say.
384
00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:50,273
Aw, just say whatever
comes into your mind.
385
00:16:50,375 --> 00:16:52,875
Here's what's gonna
come into your mind.
386
00:16:52,977 --> 00:16:55,088
"and let me conclude by saying
387
00:16:55,112 --> 00:16:57,057
that foreman Harris
is a great guy."
388
00:16:57,081 --> 00:16:59,515
"Monica's been a troublemaker
as long as I've known her
389
00:16:59,617 --> 00:17:01,917
and I'm pretty sure she
cheats on her taxes."
390
00:17:02,019 --> 00:17:05,187
"Stop here, look up, smile."
391
00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:08,290
Thank you for your
candor, Mr. Sinclair.
392
00:17:08,392 --> 00:17:10,037
Oh, yeah, and another thing,
393
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,327
I don't see why she
ever needed a job.
394
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:14,207
A female's place is in the home,
395
00:17:14,231 --> 00:17:16,276
taking orders from her husband.
396
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,434
In the Sinclair household,
when I say "jump,"
397
00:17:19,536 --> 00:17:23,271
my wife says, "How high?"
398
00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:24,653
Hi!
399
00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:26,222
I came down here today
400
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,577
because I just think
someone should testify
401
00:17:28,679 --> 00:17:30,012
on Monica's behalf.
402
00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:32,214
Well, it's only
fair that all sides
403
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:34,683
of this issue are
fully explored.
404
00:17:34,786 --> 00:17:36,363
Please take up to a minute.
405
00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:38,153
Thank you.
406
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:40,889
I've listened on TV to what
you've said about Monica,
407
00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,832
and it's not the Monica I know.
408
00:17:42,927 --> 00:17:45,127
She's an honest,
responsible individual
409
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:47,129
who would never mislead anybody.
410
00:17:47,231 --> 00:17:50,065
And we'd like to believe
your testimony, Mrs. Sinclair.
411
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:52,067
However, I have information
412
00:17:52,169 --> 00:17:54,336
that when you were
just a young girl,
413
00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:57,439
you lived with this older man,
414
00:17:57,541 --> 00:17:59,608
without benefit of marriage.
415
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,444
That's my father.
416
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:06,014
All the more disgusting.
417
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,428
Fran, is this true?
418
00:18:08,452 --> 00:18:10,585
Are you all insane?
419
00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:13,489
Oh, it gets worse,
Mrs. Sinclair.
420
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:17,259
I also have a picture
of you sitting on his lap!
421
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:18,460
Let's see.
422
00:18:18,562 --> 00:18:20,428
Oh!
423
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:23,331
We now continue with
this DNN special report.
424
00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:25,367
What Sexual Harris Meant
425
00:18:25,469 --> 00:18:28,470
Let's move on to the
statements from other coworkers.
426
00:18:28,573 --> 00:18:31,940
Well, I always thought
of Harris as a swell guy,
427
00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:34,243
but he shouldn't have
asked her out on the job.
428
00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,844
Why not?
429
00:18:35,946 --> 00:18:37,291
'Cause I seen her first.
430
00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:38,980
So you find her attractive?
431
00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:42,050
And therefore, couldn't
blame Harris for asking her out.
432
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:43,886
Well... no.
433
00:18:43,988 --> 00:18:45,187
I mean, yes.
434
00:18:45,289 --> 00:18:46,889
I mean, I know Harris
435
00:18:46,924 --> 00:18:49,725
and I don't think he would've
done anything wrong,
436
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,193
and I know Monica,
437
00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:53,529
and I don't think
she would ever lie,
438
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:55,865
so, therefore...
439
00:18:55,966 --> 00:18:57,833
um...
440
00:18:57,935 --> 00:18:59,568
I have a stomach ache.
441
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,003
Can I lie down?
442
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:03,506
I speak on behalf
of the rest the guys.
443
00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:06,141
Harris never
asked any of us out.
444
00:19:06,243 --> 00:19:10,012
The way I see it, anybody
who consistently bowls over 200
445
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,214
could never do such a thing.
446
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:15,150
As this remarkable
proceeding winds to a close,
447
00:19:15,252 --> 00:19:16,963
everyone awaits the testimony
448
00:19:16,987 --> 00:19:18,587
of Al "Sexual" Harris.
449
00:19:18,689 --> 00:19:20,601
In the meantime,
let's get the results
450
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,870
of our latest DNN News Poll.
451
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,928
Percentage of Pangaeans
who believe Monica Devertebrae:
452
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,195
18.
453
00:19:27,298 --> 00:19:29,298
Percentage of
angry, resentful males
454
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,534
who failed to get
dates in high school
455
00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:32,902
and somehow blame Monica:
456
00:19:33,003 --> 00:19:34,202
63
457
00:19:34,305 --> 00:19:36,739
Percentage of self-loathing,
insecure females
458
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,752
who want to see
successful females fail
459
00:19:38,776 --> 00:19:41,444
so that everyone else can
be as miserable as they are:
460
00:19:41,546 --> 00:19:42,645
82.
461
00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:45,047
Order! Order!
462
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:47,716
I see "Sexual" Harris
has just been sworn in.
463
00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:49,463
Let's go to his testimony.
464
00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:52,421
Mr. Harris, please tell
us in your own words
465
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:55,423
that you did not say these
things to Miss Devertebrae.
466
00:19:55,525 --> 00:19:57,426
I said 'em.
467
00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:03,231
Did you fire her for
not going out with you?
468
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:05,101
Uh, yeah.
469
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,436
But it seems to me
she's just not qualified
470
00:20:07,538 --> 00:20:09,138
to do the job anyway.
471
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,140
Of course, I've got
another kind of job for her,
472
00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:13,882
if you know what I mean.
473
00:20:17,681 --> 00:20:19,548
Yep.
474
00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:22,951
Well, it's clear what
this whole thing's about.
475
00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:25,087
Your behavior was unprofessional
476
00:20:25,189 --> 00:20:26,655
and uncalled-for.
477
00:20:26,757 --> 00:20:28,691
Yeah.
478
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:31,894
But when it's done with
this kind of wit and style,
479
00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:34,863
it's all in good fun.
480
00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:38,467
- You should lighten up, toots.
- Case dismissed.
481
00:20:38,569 --> 00:20:40,347
There you go. Thank you, guys.
482
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:42,281
Do you have a
statement, Mr. Richfield?
483
00:20:42,305 --> 00:20:44,606
Mr. Richfield, you
have a statement?
484
00:20:44,708 --> 00:20:47,009
Well, there are no real winners
485
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:49,310
in a situation like this.
486
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:51,547
But we must put it behind us.
487
00:20:51,649 --> 00:20:54,650
Now is the time for healing.
488
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:57,218
Aah! Right in my
eyes, you idiot!
489
00:20:57,321 --> 00:20:59,722
♪ We are males, hear us roar ♪
490
00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:03,092
♪ We are macho dinosaurs ♪
491
00:21:03,193 --> 00:21:05,060
♪ And we're way too smug ♪
492
00:21:05,162 --> 00:21:08,130
♪ To care who we offend ♪
493
00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:11,634
Yeah.
494
00:21:11,736 --> 00:21:13,902
Hey, sweet thing,
no hard feelings,
495
00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:16,138
if you see where I'm going.
496
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,607
I have a feeling for you,
497
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:22,577
if you... know what I mean.
498
00:21:22,679 --> 00:21:24,513
Hmm.
499
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:26,615
I wonder what she meant by that.
500
00:21:26,717 --> 00:21:28,483
Huh?
501
00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:30,018
Whoa!
502
00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:36,892
Oh. Hey...
503
00:21:40,564 --> 00:21:44,366
So if you had it to do all
over again, would you?
504
00:21:44,468 --> 00:21:45,801
I don't know.
505
00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:48,704
I'd like to think that it
accomplished something,
506
00:21:48,806 --> 00:21:50,317
but I just can't say what.
507
00:21:50,341 --> 00:21:53,308
Hey, look! I got an
"A" in my solar system.
508
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:55,544
Mr. Pulman says it was
the best one in class.
509
00:21:55,646 --> 00:21:57,646
Oh, I'm very impressed, honey.
510
00:21:57,748 --> 00:21:58,891
Thanks.
511
00:21:58,915 --> 00:22:01,183
What made you go
ahead with your project?
512
00:22:01,285 --> 00:22:04,452
- Well, you inspired me.
- Oh.
513
00:22:04,554 --> 00:22:06,688
Watching them turn
you into a tart on TV,
514
00:22:06,791 --> 00:22:08,351
it got me to thinking.
515
00:22:08,392 --> 00:22:10,352
Males are never
gonna give us great jobs
516
00:22:10,394 --> 00:22:12,234
like tree-pusher or astronomer.
517
00:22:12,263 --> 00:22:14,129
We're gonna have to take 'em.
518
00:22:14,231 --> 00:22:16,331
Uh, take my word for it, honey,
519
00:22:16,433 --> 00:22:17,866
it won't be easy.
520
00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:19,968
I know, but I think
we can get males
521
00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:21,710
to treat us like equals.
522
00:22:21,805 --> 00:22:23,572
We're an advanced society.
523
00:22:23,674 --> 00:22:26,308
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