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Transcript: Travis
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Adaptation: Any1, Sixe
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Here we are!
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Your place... your place...
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La maison... de la femme...
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El casa del signorita...
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Das haus die Frau...
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Good night!
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I'll just walk you to the door.
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- There's no need.
- That's okay.
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So...
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I guess this is "arrivederci".
13
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I'd quite fancy a cup of tea though.
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A glass of water maybe.
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Perhaps a little lie down.
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Look...
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I have to tell you something.
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What?
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00:01:29,201 --> 00:01:31,535
I wanted to tell you
in the restaurant but...
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it... a good time
never came up and I...
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00:01:34,146 --> 00:01:36,443
- I wasn't gonna say it but...
- Say it.
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00:01:37,285 --> 00:01:38,285
I have to.
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What?
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00:01:42,899 --> 00:01:44,510
You've got shit on your head.
25
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What?
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00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,333
There's some shit on your head.
27
00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:53,414
What?
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00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:55,204
Where? Where?
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It's been there forever.
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Oh God! Oh God!
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00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:03,439
It's chocolate!
32
00:02:03,695 --> 00:02:04,499
It's chocolate!
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00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,500
It's not shit!
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00:02:05,545 --> 00:02:06,398
It's not shit!
35
00:02:06,399 --> 00:02:07,399
It's..
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It's my dessert.
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I don't know
how it got there but uh...
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It's on my fingers.
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00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,560
It's not shit!
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Thank God for that!
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00:02:18,976 --> 00:02:21,571
You know, I just spent the last hour
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thinking you were some sort
of disgusting tramp.
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00:02:24,774 --> 00:02:26,076
Oh no!
44
00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:28,827
That's funny!
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00:02:30,995 --> 00:02:32,921
- Oh God look!
- What?
46
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It's chocolate!
47
00:02:38,339 --> 00:02:40,005
How about that cup of tea now?
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I was a perfect gentleman last night
from beginning to end
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00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:49,389
but she can't see past
a little bit of shit on my forehead!
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I thought you said it was chocolate.
51
00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:52,981
Yes, chocolate, yes!
I meant chocolate.
52
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I forgot to turn this thing on.
53
00:02:57,263 --> 00:02:58,263
Hello, IT. .
54
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,548
Hi, uh, something's wrong
with my computer.
55
00:03:01,719 --> 00:03:04,015
Have you tried
turning it off and on again?
56
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:05,629
Oh No! No, oh Dear, thanks.
57
00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:07,278
You're welcome then.
58
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:09,532
It's typical.
59
00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:12,529
The one time I manage
to bamboozle a girl in the building
60
00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:14,752
into going out with me
and this happens.
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She's gonna tell everyone!
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00:03:16,842 --> 00:03:18,999
Oh come on! She's a receptionist,
63
00:03:19,161 --> 00:03:20,564
she'd hardly gossip.
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00:03:21,841 --> 00:03:23,557
Besides it's a boring story.
65
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Yeah... that's boring.
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It's boring, she won't tell anyone.
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Hello.
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00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:49,012
Sorry guys.
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00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:56,782
She might have told Jen.
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00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,842
No, that's what I'm saying.
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00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:03,092
It wasn't. It was...
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It was chocolate. It was chocolate.
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00:04:06,286 --> 00:04:07,939
I don't know...
I don't know... it...
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00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,944
it got on my fingers
and then I must have...
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00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,101
Listen...
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00:04:11,181 --> 00:04:13,018
how did you even hear
about this, mom?
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Moss... Moss,
there's a spider in my office.
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00:04:18,308 --> 00:04:20,752
Could you deal with it?
I just hate spiders.
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00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,722
I'm not overly fond of them
myself there, Jen.
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00:04:28,558 --> 00:04:29,673
How...
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00:04:31,845 --> 00:04:35,215
How big is... Whoa! Hey now!
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00:04:35,353 --> 00:04:36,740
I'll tell you what.
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00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:39,750
I actually recommend
my good friend Roy there
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00:04:39,797 --> 00:04:42,028
as the go-to guy on anything
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with more than 7 eyes.
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He's on a very brief
personal call right now.
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00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:48,548
Come, Moss. Don't be silly.
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You're right, I'm being silly.
Wrap it up, Roy!
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It's just a spider. It's fine.
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00:04:54,392 --> 00:04:57,451
Oh look! It seems to have left
of its own volition.
91
00:04:57,552 --> 00:04:58,844
Oh, be a man, Moss!
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00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,378
You're right, I'll be a man.
I'm a man.
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00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,468
Please don't shut the door.
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I won't.
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00:05:07,424 --> 00:05:08,424
Goodbye, Jen.
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00:05:13,031 --> 00:05:14,462
That was my mother.
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00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:16,291
How did she hear about this?
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00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:18,673
Oh, was that the woman
who phoned earlier?
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00:05:18,739 --> 00:05:20,793
'Cause I've just been
telling everybody.
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00:05:20,794 --> 00:05:23,697
Why would you want to go out
with Patricia anyway?
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00:05:23,749 --> 00:05:26,717
I mean, her last boyfriend
was Simon from 3rd.
102
00:05:27,104 --> 00:05:28,637
- Jen!
- Hey, you!
103
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,163
Hello there.
104
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:31,984
Have you caught it yet?
105
00:05:32,313 --> 00:05:33,623
Not quite, Jen.
106
00:05:34,264 --> 00:05:36,430
The spider's managed
to walk behind me.
107
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,003
And it's between me and the door.
108
00:05:40,628 --> 00:05:42,059
So I can't get out.
109
00:05:43,532 --> 00:05:45,754
Simon from 3rd
is the one with the hair.
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00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,304
Oh, him! Oh, he's awful.
111
00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:51,563
He once ate
a copy of Loaded for a bet.
112
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- She liked him?
- Apparently.
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That explains everything!
114
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She likes the kind of big obnoxious guy
who eats Loaders.
115
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:04,555
Hello, Daniel.
116
00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,011
How are you?
117
00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:07,466
I'm great, thanks. How are you?
118
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,467
I'm great.
119
00:06:08,717 --> 00:06:11,384
Well, can either of you tell me...
Okay... Okay...
120
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:16,184
who wrote Missa Brevis in D minor?
Was it Mozart or Beethoven?
121
00:06:17,345 --> 00:06:20,428
That was a certain Mr. Mozart,
I think you'll find.
122
00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:23,137
Oh right, do you know a lot
about classical music?
123
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- Petit pois.
- Oh, right.
124
00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:29,298
Mozart, Beethoven, 50/50 ain't it?
125
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,720
Actually, no, you were right.
It was Mozart.
126
00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:34,848
Well it's... It was...
127
00:06:34,866 --> 00:06:36,932
Okay, so, let's try another one.
128
00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:40,829
Okay. Here we go.
In what year did Mozart die?
129
00:06:40,913 --> 00:06:43,754
- Was it 1780 or 1791?
- 1791.
130
00:06:44,593 --> 00:06:48,233
Yes! Yes! Bang on! Good!
131
00:06:49,287 --> 00:06:51,342
God!
I hope he doesn't come in again!
132
00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:53,650
- Jen!
- Yes!
133
00:06:54,145 --> 00:06:57,589
Is Roy off the phone yet?
The spider is now upon my person.
134
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:10,054
You guys don't mind me
chilling out in here, do you?
135
00:07:10,136 --> 00:07:11,886
No. Chill out!
136
00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:15,386
So did you see the match last night?
137
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,544
- Oh yeah!
- Oh yeah!
138
00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:18,712
- God!
- Did we?
139
00:07:19,312 --> 00:07:20,580
What a match!
140
00:07:22,388 --> 00:07:24,795
All of the players running up...
141
00:07:25,276 --> 00:07:26,023
the pitch...
142
00:07:26,024 --> 00:07:29,321
and running down it again.
Such athleticism!
143
00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:31,842
What was Rooney thinking over there?
144
00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:35,476
Who knows! That's Rooney!
145
00:07:35,602 --> 00:07:38,647
He is a foolish boy!
146
00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:43,755
Yeah but... that referee...
I'm sorry the referee is just an idiot.
147
00:07:43,816 --> 00:07:47,327
Yes, he was certainly
the villain of the piece.
148
00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,386
Daniel, you're still here.
149
00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:52,810
Yeah, just...
just having a little break.
150
00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,477
Do you wanna come and join me?
151
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:56,655
Stop it!
152
00:07:58,381 --> 00:08:01,423
Well, I'd better...
I'd better... hit this way.
153
00:08:01,624 --> 00:08:04,323
Oh by the way, guys, if you need
any help with any more spiders,
154
00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:06,036
just give me a call, okay?
155
00:08:06,177 --> 00:08:08,244
Yeah, we'll be fine, I think, thanks.
156
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,013
Actually, do you have a card?
157
00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:13,097
That is good. See you.
158
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,872
You like him!
159
00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:20,934
Who?
160
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:24,315
Oh, that good looking man
with "Security"
161
00:08:24,362 --> 00:08:25,596
written on his shoulders? Yes!
162
00:08:25,784 --> 00:08:26,784
Yes, I do.
163
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,606
He seems really nice.
164
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,225
Nice!
165
00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:33,361
'Cause that's what you women want!
Nice guys!
166
00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:34,997
Hello, IT! .
167
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:36,775
What are you talking about, Roy?
168
00:08:36,878 --> 00:08:40,107
If my date last night proved anything,
it's that you, ladies,
169
00:08:40,142 --> 00:08:41,759
you don't want nice guys.
170
00:08:41,794 --> 00:08:43,565
I think if your date proved anything,
Roy,
171
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:46,732
it's that women like men
without poo on their foreheads.
172
00:08:47,266 --> 00:08:48,482
That's our type.
173
00:08:49,664 --> 00:08:51,261
That has nothing to do with this.
174
00:08:51,308 --> 00:08:54,208
She clearly just didn't want
a gentleman in her life.
175
00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:56,429
I hate to generalize, you know that.
176
00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:59,144
But all women just want bastards.
177
00:09:00,485 --> 00:09:04,112
That women liking bastards thing
is a total myth.
178
00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:07,772
I've tried turning it off and on again
and nothing happened.
179
00:09:07,841 --> 00:09:09,396
Is it definitely plugged in?
180
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,651
Oh, let me have a look.
181
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,955
Oh, sorry, that's it, thanks very much.
182
00:09:13,956 --> 00:09:15,011
You're welcome then.
183
00:09:15,372 --> 00:09:17,285
It's just not true.
184
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:21,141
Women don't want gentlemen,
they want bullies and thugs.
185
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,510
I'll prove it to you.
186
00:09:22,511 --> 00:09:24,344
How will you prove it to me, Roy?
187
00:09:25,289 --> 00:09:26,417
Oh! Okay.
188
00:09:26,558 --> 00:09:30,313
I'll put a...
I'll put on a classified ad online.
189
00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:31,471
A classified?
190
00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:33,070
Yeah, like a lonely hearts thing
191
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:34,577
but I'll make it sound psychotic.
192
00:09:34,578 --> 00:09:36,880
And I still bet
I'll get a bezillion replies.
193
00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:37,828
Oh, dear God.
194
00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:38,829
Come on. How much?
195
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:44,016
Okay. Yeah, I'll give you
20 quid if you get 1 response.
196
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:44,944
You're on!
197
00:09:45,061 --> 00:09:46,068
Oh my God, no!
198
00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:50,145
It's all about body fluids
with you, isn't it?
199
00:09:52,829 --> 00:09:54,581
Come on, Moss! We need to get to work.
200
00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:55,534
Work?
201
00:09:55,535 --> 00:09:58,757
Yeah, we need to post
a classified lonely hearts ad online
202
00:09:58,786 --> 00:10:01,250
that makes me sound like a psycho
so that I can prove to Jen
203
00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:04,359
that all women love bastards
and therefore win 20 pounds.
204
00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:07,334
Thank God!
I thought that thing was broken.
205
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,808
"Shut up! Do what I tell you!
I'm not interested!"
206
00:10:16,356 --> 00:10:20,467
These are just some of the things
you'll be hearing if you answer this ad.
207
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:24,576
"I'm an idiot and
I don't care about anyone but myself."
208
00:10:25,531 --> 00:10:27,252
"PS: No dogs."
209
00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:31,049
- That's good.
- What's yours?
210
00:10:31,826 --> 00:10:33,317
Mine doesn't look any good now.
211
00:10:33,435 --> 00:10:34,438
Go on.
212
00:10:35,296 --> 00:10:36,972
"I'm going to murder you."
213
00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,326
"You bloody woman!"
214
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:46,413
Might want to play a bit hard to get.
215
00:10:48,162 --> 00:10:50,487
If you were a murderer,
what would your nickname be?
216
00:10:50,505 --> 00:10:51,797
Mine would be "The Gardener",
217
00:10:51,844 --> 00:10:55,002
'cause I'd always leave a rose
at the scene of the crime.
218
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,510
What would your murder weapon be?
219
00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,480
A hammer.
220
00:11:01,783 --> 00:11:02,783
Hey, Moss.
221
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:08,058
"Would you like to go
for dinner with me?"
222
00:11:09,428 --> 00:11:12,094
"And then maybe back to my place?"
223
00:11:13,249 --> 00:11:16,461
I'd love to, Jen, but I'm actually
helping Roy at the moment.
224
00:11:16,462 --> 00:11:19,799
No. No, no, no.
Who does this remind you of, yeah?
225
00:11:20,568 --> 00:11:22,456
"Do you wanna go on a date with me?"
226
00:11:24,994 --> 00:11:26,039
Gandhi?
227
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,172
No, no, the other one. Bono.
228
00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:33,379
No, no, I was doing Roy.
229
00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:35,740
Yes, yes, it's like there was 2 of me.
230
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:38,874
Come on.
Get your money ready. 20 pounds.
231
00:11:39,951 --> 00:11:41,689
Hey! Hello.
232
00:11:44,251 --> 00:11:46,142
It's security.
233
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,771
I hope I'm not in any danger.
234
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:49,974
Oh my God!
235
00:11:50,372 --> 00:11:51,372
It's not shit!
236
00:11:53,998 --> 00:11:55,577
On my head, it's not shit!
237
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,357
It's chocolate spread.
238
00:11:57,681 --> 00:11:58,797
- Taste it!
- No!
239
00:11:58,832 --> 00:11:59,771
Look!
240
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:00,887
Look!
241
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,803
Ringo Starr?
242
00:12:07,403 --> 00:12:09,672
I'll be wondering about that all night!
243
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,257
How do you know about this site?
244
00:12:11,258 --> 00:12:12,258
I'm a member.
245
00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,864
Really?
You do the whole lonely hearts thing?
246
00:12:17,628 --> 00:12:20,797
I'm a 32-year-old IT man
who works in a basement.
247
00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,803
Yes, I do the whole lonely hearts thing.
248
00:12:26,942 --> 00:12:30,155
So, as you can clearly see, it wasn't...
249
00:12:31,795 --> 00:12:33,828
excrement, it was chocolate.
250
00:12:34,006 --> 00:12:36,060
I was playing a joke. It was chocolate.
251
00:12:36,061 --> 00:12:38,561
Jen, it's okay, I've got it.
Don't worry about it.
252
00:12:38,808 --> 00:12:40,752
Listen, what are you doing tonight?
253
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:44,588
- I've got a response!
- That was quick!
254
00:12:44,617 --> 00:12:47,138
Yeah,
why is it taking so long to download?
255
00:12:47,197 --> 00:12:49,164
Something happened
with the router this morning.
256
00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:51,012
We're back to pre-broadband speed.
257
00:12:52,077 --> 00:12:53,077
Dear...
258
00:12:59,989 --> 00:13:01,532
But we're on the phone now.
259
00:13:01,592 --> 00:13:03,195
Why can't you just ask me now?
260
00:13:03,270 --> 00:13:04,866
Can't Jen, trust me.
261
00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:06,645
Why should I trust you?
262
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:08,590
Because I know what's good for you.
263
00:13:10,594 --> 00:13:14,234
Listen, you have to be home between
8 and 9 tonight, are you gonna be home?
264
00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:16,195
Okay, this sounds exciting.
265
00:13:16,221 --> 00:13:18,957
It might not happen, okay?
But hopefully it will.
266
00:13:18,979 --> 00:13:20,942
Now I don't know
if this is exciting or not...
267
00:13:20,988 --> 00:13:23,145
Jen... Jen, it's exciting!
268
00:13:27,253 --> 00:13:30,254
"...would be very interested in
meeting up and talking it over."
269
00:13:30,255 --> 00:13:31,255
"Love, Rebecca."
270
00:13:31,403 --> 00:13:33,347
Oh my God! What did we write again?
271
00:13:33,457 --> 00:13:34,901
It started with "shut up".
272
00:13:36,457 --> 00:13:37,662
There's more.
273
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:40,617
"I attached a photograph
for your approval...
274
00:13:40,618 --> 00:13:42,391
"or not!" Exclamation mark.
275
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:45,387
All right, let's have a look at you,
you mad thing.
276
00:13:49,168 --> 00:13:50,419
Nice hair so far.
277
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,514
- Eyebrows seem normal.
- Two eyes.
278
00:13:55,279 --> 00:13:57,021
That's the best amount of eyes.
279
00:13:58,285 --> 00:13:59,431
Nice eyes too.
280
00:14:00,234 --> 00:14:02,842
It has to go around.
She must have a shite nose.
281
00:14:05,576 --> 00:14:07,540
Do you remember the Internet
at this speed?
282
00:14:07,609 --> 00:14:09,581
Up all night and you'd see 8 women.
283
00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,503
- Good nose.
- That is a good nose.
284
00:14:14,614 --> 00:14:18,780
The mouth has to be wrong. There's gotta
be something wrong with her mouth.
285
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,922
Now that's a good looking woman.
286
00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:23,607
Should I tell Jen we got a reply?
287
00:14:24,976 --> 00:14:25,976
Roy?
288
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,034
Roy?
289
00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:30,739
Roy!
290
00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:33,392
Roy!
291
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:43,008
Hello, Daniel! I mean, hello.
292
00:14:43,903 --> 00:14:47,846
Jen? Hello, it's Chris Tarrant from
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
293
00:14:47,909 --> 00:14:50,422
Oh my God! Oh my God!
294
00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:51,822
Chris Tarrant, hello!
295
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:55,048
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
296
00:14:55,158 --> 00:14:57,378
Jen the next voice you hear
is gonna be Daniel's...
297
00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:59,827
- Daniel's, Ok.
- But before I put you on with him,
298
00:14:59,828 --> 00:15:01,828
he's asked me to ask you a question.
299
00:15:01,930 --> 00:15:03,263
Okay, you can ask me a question.
300
00:15:03,331 --> 00:15:07,598
Yeah, he wants to know if you'll go out
for dinner with him tomorrow night.
301
00:15:08,311 --> 00:15:10,549
Oh really? Yes!
302
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:13,143
Yes, of course, I will!
Of course! Oh yes! Yes!
303
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,213
Yes, of course!
304
00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:17,096
Yes, that's great, Jen.
305
00:15:17,665 --> 00:15:19,475
Now let me fill you in
on what's happening.
306
00:15:19,476 --> 00:15:22,864
Daniel's doing very well although
he has just used his 50/50.
307
00:15:22,916 --> 00:15:25,382
Now, here's Daniel.
Daniel, you got 30 seconds.
308
00:15:25,476 --> 00:15:27,216
Starting from... now!
309
00:15:27,382 --> 00:15:28,787
- Okay, Jen.
- Hi, Daniel.
310
00:15:28,788 --> 00:15:30,689
Yeah, hi Jen, Jen, uh, okay...
311
00:15:30,942 --> 00:15:32,664
who composed The Wooden Prince?
312
00:15:32,792 --> 00:15:35,159
Was it A) Bartok, B) Chopin ?
313
00:15:41,154 --> 00:15:43,580
Did you see
"I'm a Millionaire" last night?
314
00:15:43,604 --> 00:15:46,035
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
it's called. No, I didn't.
315
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,582
Well, you are not going to
Adam and beliEVE this.
316
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:51,925
Okay, do these make me
look like a bastard?
317
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,149
Why do you wanna look like a bastard?
318
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:56,602
I've got that date tonight,
she's expecting a monster.
319
00:15:56,603 --> 00:15:58,607
Do these me make look like a bastard?
320
00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:00,135
They make you look like an idiot.
321
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:01,866
- Anyway, did you see it?
- What?
322
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,239
"Do you want to be a Millionaire?"
323
00:16:04,566 --> 00:16:06,945
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
324
00:16:08,790 --> 00:16:11,432
"Who wants to be a person who is wrong?"
325
00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:13,790
What's happened?
326
00:16:14,027 --> 00:16:15,193
- If I may...
- Sure.
327
00:16:15,531 --> 00:16:17,253
Guess who was on it last night!
328
00:16:17,882 --> 00:16:19,823
- You!
- No, Daniel.
329
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,300
- King of men.
- Daniel was on "Millionaire"?
330
00:16:22,301 --> 00:16:23,356
Indeed he was, sir.
331
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,753
And it was the
"Do you want to phone a friend"...
332
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,737
- It's just "Phone a friend".
- Anyway.
333
00:16:28,603 --> 00:16:29,777
She was the "phone a friend"?
334
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:32,571
- She was the "phone a friend".
- You're the "phone a friend"!
335
00:16:32,572 --> 00:16:33,568
What was the subject?
336
00:16:33,569 --> 00:16:36,957
Classical music is the extraordinary
answer to that question.
337
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:41,231
So who of course is Daniel, our estimed
temp security guard, going to phone
338
00:16:41,232 --> 00:16:42,954
but Jonathan Miller over here.
339
00:16:43,343 --> 00:16:47,394
Think Daniel was on Millionaire.
Too bad it wasn't 50/50.
340
00:16:48,289 --> 00:16:49,289
It was.
341
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,546
- And?
- I got it wrong.
342
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:54,064
I cost 31,000 pounds.
343
00:16:55,154 --> 00:16:56,680
It isn't funny though.
344
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,405
Now I have to go on a date with him.
345
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:00,402
Wow! The rules on that show
have really changed!
346
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,775
No, you don't understand.
347
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,267
He asked me out
348
00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:05,366
on the show
349
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,327
before I got the question wrong.
350
00:17:07,397 --> 00:17:09,963
It was all very romantic.
351
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,329
But now...
352
00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:13,638
I don't think he likes me now.
353
00:17:14,176 --> 00:17:16,932
And I don't wanna go out with
the biggest loser in England...
354
00:17:16,984 --> 00:17:18,398
There you are!
355
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:19,583
Daniel...
356
00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:21,434
- Hello.
- Hi.
357
00:17:23,592 --> 00:17:25,842
- Gonna go for this meal then.
- Yeah.
358
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,435
Yeah, I can't wait.
359
00:17:27,482 --> 00:17:30,242
I'm gonna take you to one
of my favourite restaurants.
360
00:17:30,301 --> 00:17:31,311
Right.
361
00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:36,002
I'll pay.
362
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,182
- It really is the least I can do.
- Oh yeah...
363
00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:45,388
Oh my God!
364
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:47,206
Did you see that look?
365
00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:50,585
I have a dinner date with that man.
366
00:17:50,654 --> 00:17:53,660
If I'm not here tomorrow,
I want you to call the police.
367
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:56,833
Maybe not the best time to mention it,
but also you owe me 20 quids.
368
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:58,996
What? You got a response?
369
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:01,282
With the one that ended: "No dogs"?
370
00:18:01,545 --> 00:18:02,545
Yep.
371
00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:04,211
Oh my God, brilliant! More money gone!
372
00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:06,700
Now the money that Daniel lost
wasn't really yours, was it?
373
00:18:06,701 --> 00:18:09,145
It would have been
if I'd married him, Moss.
374
00:18:10,558 --> 00:18:11,859
I need a good restaurant.
375
00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:15,526
Maybe if he likes the food,
he won't beat me to death with a shoe.
376
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:19,205
I thought you said you'd take him
to one of your favourite restaurants.
377
00:18:19,252 --> 00:18:20,707
Haven't you got it yet?
378
00:18:21,088 --> 00:18:22,234
That's what I do:
379
00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:23,433
I lie...
380
00:18:23,714 --> 00:18:25,851
I lie and I lie and...
381
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:26,940
I lie!
382
00:18:27,848 --> 00:18:30,008
Well, I went to a good place recently.
383
00:18:30,096 --> 00:18:31,939
Nice atmosphere. Food's great.
384
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:34,049
- Really?
- Yes. Why?
385
00:18:34,552 --> 00:18:37,005
Sorry, I just didn't have you down
as a restaurant person.
386
00:18:37,006 --> 00:18:38,161
I'm a restaurant person.
387
00:18:38,162 --> 00:18:39,897
Why wouldn't I be a restaurant person?
388
00:18:39,932 --> 00:18:41,060
Cheese string?
389
00:18:42,044 --> 00:18:43,213
No, thanks.
390
00:18:43,279 --> 00:18:44,425
What's this place called?
391
00:18:44,426 --> 00:18:45,426
Messijoes.
392
00:18:45,676 --> 00:18:48,064
- Is that French?
- French? No, it's English.
393
00:18:49,182 --> 00:18:51,488
Okay, thank you, Moss. Yeah, I'll uh...
394
00:18:51,489 --> 00:18:52,600
I'll give that a go.
395
00:18:53,037 --> 00:18:55,459
Okay, I need a place to bring this girl
396
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:58,215
that says: "I'm a bastard."
397
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,511
Well, I went to a good place recently.
398
00:19:00,752 --> 00:19:03,651
Nice atmosphere. Food's great.
It's got a bit of an edge.
399
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:04,757
Yeah? What's it called?
400
00:19:04,758 --> 00:19:05,758
Messijoes.
401
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:07,257
What is that? Spanish?
402
00:19:07,339 --> 00:19:11,038
No! Spanish? It's English. Messijoes.
403
00:19:30,352 --> 00:19:33,745
Okey dokey,
you get the firecracker nachos.
404
00:19:34,163 --> 00:19:37,611
And you are getting
the prawn bites with spicy salsa.
405
00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:45,831
This seems an unusual place
for someone like you to want to meet.
406
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,478
Yeah but...
407
00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:54,252
everyone needs a place to come
to be alone.
408
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,596
Look at me! Yeah! Look at me!
409
00:20:01,086 --> 00:20:03,011
Get a clown over here, please!
410
00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:05,806
You're a loner?
411
00:20:05,953 --> 00:20:07,644
I'm a loner all right.
412
00:20:09,346 --> 00:20:10,555
I'm just a...
413
00:20:11,515 --> 00:20:13,154
lonely loner
414
00:20:13,966 --> 00:20:16,044
on a lonely road.
415
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,576
Alone.
416
00:20:21,235 --> 00:20:22,779
Do you always wear shades?
417
00:20:23,237 --> 00:20:24,237
Always.
418
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:27,336
They help me hide the fact
419
00:20:27,942 --> 00:20:28,942
I'm always lying
420
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:31,751
to women.
421
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:43,022
Everyone is having having fun, fun, fun.
422
00:20:43,216 --> 00:20:45,716
'Cause everything is nice
and everyone is friendly.
423
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:48,070
Lots of friendly faces
having fun, fun, fun.
424
00:20:48,071 --> 00:20:50,678
'Cause everything is nice
and everyone is friendly.
425
00:20:50,679 --> 00:20:53,383
- Smile and the world will...
- Excuse me! Excuse me!
426
00:20:53,384 --> 00:20:56,717
It's just... It's not... Sorry,
it's just not appropriate at the moment.
427
00:21:17,790 --> 00:21:19,763
You're that bloke off the telly!
428
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:23,458
And you must be the woman he phoned!
Brilliant!
429
00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:25,566
Funniest thing I've seen in ages.
430
00:21:37,470 --> 00:21:38,855
God! I'm a bastard!
431
00:21:39,897 --> 00:21:41,937
Yes. So you keep saying.
432
00:21:42,465 --> 00:21:44,649
Trouble... It's basically what I am.
433
00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:48,961
Thank you.
434
00:21:52,164 --> 00:21:53,219
You know something?
435
00:21:54,619 --> 00:21:56,730
I don't think you're a bastard at all.
436
00:21:57,178 --> 00:21:58,178
I am so.
437
00:21:58,819 --> 00:22:00,533
I am a complete tool.
438
00:22:02,951 --> 00:22:03,926
Oh my God!
439
00:22:04,008 --> 00:22:06,216
No don't, don't! Don't hit him!
440
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:12,039
I know her.
441
00:22:16,539 --> 00:22:18,167
Hey! What's going on?
442
00:22:18,294 --> 00:22:19,783
Stay out of this, Fonzy!
443
00:22:19,835 --> 00:22:21,197
You're fighting in front of kids!
444
00:22:21,244 --> 00:22:22,160
I don't care!
445
00:22:22,183 --> 00:22:23,205
You're a brute!
446
00:22:23,228 --> 00:22:24,872
This bloke just insulted me!
447
00:22:25,457 --> 00:22:28,404
Hey! Bit more careful
with the clown shoe there, Mister.
448
00:22:33,609 --> 00:22:35,171
Just hold your head back.
449
00:22:37,615 --> 00:22:38,836
Oh God!
450
00:22:42,923 --> 00:22:44,311
He caught me by surprise.
451
00:22:46,505 --> 00:22:48,090
When I see him tomorrow...
452
00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:51,539
- That was his last day.
- Thank God!
453
00:22:51,882 --> 00:22:53,509
Oh my God, look!
454
00:22:53,586 --> 00:22:55,539
If you're coming,
can you just bloody hurry up!
455
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:57,296
- I'm coming! I...
- God's sake!
456
00:22:57,297 --> 00:22:59,130
I just need to take my shoes off.
457
00:23:00,182 --> 00:23:01,638
They look like such fruits.
458
00:23:06,159 --> 00:23:08,238
- I'll call you a cab.
- No, no, no, it's fine.
459
00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:09,616
- Taxi!
- I'll get my bus.
460
00:23:09,617 --> 00:23:11,561
Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi!
461
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:13,272
- Here.
- Oh God.
462
00:23:13,529 --> 00:23:15,279
Here you can have your 20 back.
463
00:23:15,338 --> 00:23:18,930
I don't really think the bet
proved anything. Taxi!
464
00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:33,996
Thanks, Roy.
465
00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:36,351
- I just want...
- Nice date!
466
00:23:40,061 --> 00:23:43,408
Just a lonely loner
walking a lonely road.
467
00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:49,326
Hi, girls.
468
00:23:49,371 --> 00:23:52,455
My name is Maurice Moss.Or Moss for short.
469
00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:54,267
Sorry about the sound quality
470
00:23:54,302 --> 00:23:57,144
but I'm having to do thisin the toilet of my mom's house.
471
00:23:57,150 --> 00:23:59,761
She's watchingDiagnosis Murder at full volume.
472
00:23:59,923 --> 00:24:01,392
And it drives me up the wall.
473
00:24:02,408 --> 00:24:06,185
Don't worry, though. I'm sitting onthe toilet but I'm not using it.
474
00:24:07,563 --> 00:24:08,416
What?
475
00:24:08,417 --> 00:24:09,417
- Moss?- Yes?
476
00:24:09,762 --> 00:24:10,964
What you doing in there?
477
00:24:10,965 --> 00:24:12,885
Number 2s, leave me alone!
478
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,071
Don't forget to flush the toilet.
479
00:24:15,072 --> 00:24:16,771
Don't clog it up like you usually do.
480
00:24:16,772 --> 00:24:20,037
I know! Just stop doing this!You're always doing this!
481
00:24:20,077 --> 00:24:21,799
You're making it going back in!
482
00:24:24,235 --> 00:24:25,557
Now, my type...
483
00:24:27,239 --> 00:24:30,127
Travis, Any1 and Sixe
for FOROM.COM34469
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