All language subtitles for Schooled S02E20 Cb Saves The Planet 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,

making the Earth
a greener place

was on everyone's mind.

From Earth Day celebrations
to "Save the Whale" protests,

environmental awareness
was everywhere,

even movies and TV.

And this had a profound
effect on Principal Glascott.

Last night,
I saw an incredible film

that shook me
to my very core.

Waterworld?
I heard that movie sucked.

That's weird,
'cause I heard you suck!
Hey!

I'm sorry, but we have
to save the planet

before global warming
melts the ice caps

and we're all living
in a bleak,
waterlogged world

where fresh dirt
is currency!

Sounds like Tampa.

If you ask me,
the most accurate portrayal

of not respecting
our environment

is the adorable
animated gem
FernGully.

Oh, God.
Wow.

And when you got
to the theater,

where'd you park
your Big Wheel?

Yeah,
I'm not a child, Rick.

I Rollerbladed there,
so... (SCOFFS)

Look, all I ask is
that we all do our part
to save Mother Earth.

I've done my part.
In high school, I recycled
the same essay six times.

Instead of focusing
on the bleak darkness

of John Glascott's
future soggy Earth,

how about we linger
on the present brightness
of Rick Mellor's...

New baseball stadium?
LAINEY: Whoa!

After six long years
of waiting,

we are finally ready
to break ground.

Is that a little
Orange Julius stand?

Well, I see no one else
is concerned about
the plight of the planet,

so, once again, it's up to
John Glascott, eco-warrior,

to save our precious
Mother Earth

by his own damn self.

John, uh, you left your
car running in the
parking lot again.

Damn it, Coop!
Your timing sucks!

* One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life
and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was April 22nd,
1990-something,

and all the students
were gearing up for the day

that would make or break
any high school yearbook...

The Senior Superlatives.

I can't wait.
I want to win "Best Smile"!

It'll make five years
of picking roast beef
out of my braces worth it.

Come on.

ANNA: Ms. Howell?

Oh, crap, Anna,

I didn't know anyone
was still here.

Did you need something?

(QUIETLY) I'm a little worried
about the superlatives.

I-I don't want to get
"Most Quiet."

Huh? What?

"Most Quiet"?

I don't even know why
we have these things.

It makes everyone
feel bad.

Like, "Everyone,
here I am, the shy girl.

"Come look
at the shy girl. Hey."

I hear you...barely.

But I'll tell you what.

Ms. Lewis is heading up

the Yearbook Committee
this year.

I'll have
a little chat with her,
see what we can do.

Thanks, Ms. Howell.

Not a problem.

That's what teachers
are here for.

Now, where did she go?

That girl needs
to wear corduroys

or a bell or something.

**

Lainey, you gotta cut
the Senior Superlatives.

They're outdated
and petty

and, quite frankly,
Waterworld- level stupid.

No way!
The students love them.
And they're so much fun.

Not for everyone.

Anna Whitman's so terrified
she's gonna get "Most Quiet,"

she spoke up
to the point

that I actually
could hear her.

Superlatives
are a school tradition

that have been awarded
in the yearbook

since 1890-something.

Look, "Finest Bonnet,"
"Chastest Couple."

Hmm.
"Most Comely Ankles."
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, wow,
she really is blessed

with quite the pair
of foot-toppers.

Sure, but how
do you think

"Least Likely to Survive
the Winter" felt?

Sufficiently warned.

Come on, Wilma,
the kids have looked
forward to this.

Spoken like someone
who probably won

"Best Dressed,"
maybe "Cutest."

Or was it
"Most Amazing Person

"Everyone Wants
to Be Friends With"?

Oh, stop.
It was just the first two.

The last one's
ridiculous.

Wait, why are there teachers'
names on this ballot?

This year,
the Yearbook Committee decided

it would be cool to add in
Teacher Superlatives.

Yearbook Committee, huh?

You had nothing
to do with it?

Oh, no,
it was totally my idea.

While I was defending
old traditions,

Mellor and CB were ready
to start a new day.

Fancy restaurant leftovers
or actual miniature swan
wrapped in foil?

It's leftovers
from my date
last night.

She, um... She dipped out
right before dessert,

said she had to go put
money in the meters,
but there were no meters.

And I drove.

I think I know
what the problem is.

You say you drove
last night?

A gentleman
always drives.

Does a gentleman always
"Brake for Velociraptors"?

Should have picked her up
in your other car...

The Batmobile.

A car says a lot
about a man, CB,

and yours says,
"I'm 14."

**

(SIGHS)

Hacky Sacks.
Mm-hmm.

Comic books.

Yeah.

Magic linking rings.

Yeah.

Not to mention
an elderly frog in a bathrobe.

(AS YODA)
Yoda, you know not?

Did you speak to your date
like that last night?

(NORMAL VOICE) No.
Although, when the
waiter came, I said,

(AS YODA) "Start us off
with drinks, you can."

Okay, this is
a complete teardown.

Some advice... When you
first start dating a woman,
maybe hide yourself a bit.

And don't overload her
with all your eccentricities.

It'll freak her out.

(NORMAL VOICE) Lying about
who I am seems wrong.

I'm not asking you
to lie,

but maybe don't flaunt it
right out of the gate.

Yeah, because what I've been
doing hasn't been working.
No.

So I could try
something like that.

What do I talk about?

Whatever she's into.

And then go all-in
on that.

Oh, I see.

But what if
she's into Yoda?

100% she's not.

But you never even
met her.

100%.

**

LAINEY: Mellor had given CB
some dating advice.

And little did he know,
he was about to put it
to the test.

GLASCOTT:
Hey, Rick, CB,

I'd like for you
to meet Paloma.

She is an eco-consultant
that I hired

to help turn William Penn
into the school
that saved the planet.

That's the goal,
through recycling,
composting,

and reducing waste.

Actually, she's looking
for a green captain,

someone to work
side-by...

CB can do it.
CB loves himself
some Earth.

Great. Glad to have
you on board.

It's always nice
to have a fellow
eco-warrior at my side.

Hey, that's me,
eco-warrior CB.

So, go, environment.

Whoo!
Gotta love that Earth!

Yeah (BLEEP) pollution.
Whoa!

No, it's okay.
He's right.

That's pretty much
my company's slogan.

**

Let me show you
the lunch room.

LAINEY: As CB took
a first step with Paloma,

Wilma was taking steps
to protect Anna.

**

COOP: Que pasa?

Dammit, Coop!
Why are you sneaking around?

I'm not sneaking.

I'm still cleaning up
after my AP Spanish
Taco Party.

What you doin'?

I'm trying
to protect a child

from the cruel, cruel world
of yearbook superlatives.

Step aside. All right.

(CREDIT CARD RATTLES)

Looks like
you've done this a lot.

Oh, yeah,
my kids are constantly

locking themselves
in bathrooms, bedrooms...

Basically, any room
with a door.

I'm thinking about
going doorless...
Or kidless.

(SIGHING) Ah.

COOP: Okay.

Yes!
All right.

So, what exactly
is the plan here?

Well, if Anna
won "Most Quiet,"

I'm gonna
fudge the results

and swap her out
for Phil Jones.

Oh, Phil.
Sweet kid.

Had him in Spanish
last year.

No, you didn't.
He doesn't exist.

Made-up name
just vague enough

to sound like
it's actually someone.

Okay.
Oh, good.
She didn't win.

Oh. You know who did win?

You, for "Coolest Teacher."

Oh, my God,
is this a joke?

Kids can be so mean!

Mean? What are you
talking about?

All the kids in my class
think you're very cool.

No way!
Yeah.

Well, I guess
I am kinda cool.

And what makes me
even cooler

is I never thought
I'd be cool.

Don't use that
in your acceptance speech.

LAINEY: Wilma had
completed her mission.

And the next morning,
CB was on a mission
to impress Paloma

by exaggerating how much of
an eco-warrior he was.

It's so great
to have a Green Captain

who really
walks the walk.

Yeah, I've been a green guy
for the longest time.

I remember
what did it for me.

I was on vacation scuba diving
with my family.
Ooh.

And I saw
this poor sea turtle

tangled up
in plastic six-pack rings,
and that was that.

(CHUCKLES)
So, what did it for you?

Oh, gosh.
There's just been so many.

I think a big one was
when I went to Alaska

and there was
this big oil company

that wanted to drill
on native land.

So an Inuit woman and I
actually rallied the locals
to fend them off.

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

You know,
that actually
sounds a lot like

that Steven Seagal movie
On Deadly Ground.

Yeah, it's a pretty
universal story.

Hey, CB, here's the copy
of Infinity Gauntlet
you asked to borrow.

I never asked
to borrow a comic.

Yeah, you called me
last night.

You woke up
my entire house.
I did.

So that you remembered
to recycle.

So, good...job.

Um, I'll give you
$5 later.

(WHISPERING)
Just go along with it.
Just...

LAINEY: Yup,
CB was determined
to win her over.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

Oh, wow!

A crimson brushpiper!

They're a protected species,
you know.

Oh. (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
Huge brushpiper guy.

Hey, CB! You wanna...
Whatever it is,
I don't do it!

LAINEY: Believe it or not,
Mellor's advice was actually
kinda working.

What's crazy is,
we're cooling the school
but heating the planet.

Death by irony.
Take that,
Alanis Morissette.

(CHUCKLES)
Right.

But also,
it's been really fun
hanging out with you.

Yeah.

Um, do you want
to go out sometime?

Maybe dinner,
something?
I'd love to.

There's this new
vegan restaurant
called Veg Out.

Wanna meet me there
at 8:00?

Lettuce meet there.

Ha!

That's a bad joke I heard
a lame guy say once.

Okay.

All right.

Goodb... Goodbye!

Stupid.
I gotta stop.

LAINEY: Wilma was officially
the coolest teacher
at William Penn,

even if no one knew it yet.

And she had no problem
embracing her new title.

Oh, my God!

You look amazing!
I do. I really do.

(OVER PA SYSTEM)
Hello, everyone.
This is Principal Glascott.

If you don't know me
by now... (CHUCKLES)

Okay, the tallies are in,
and it's time to announce
the yearbook superlatives,

starting with the teachers.

Oh, Wilma, you might want
to cover your delicate ears.

Feelings might get hurt.
Uh-huh. Okay, then.

GLASCOTT: "Best Shoulder
to Cry On"...

What's this? (CHUCKLES)
Principal Glascott?

Oh, you guys!

Well, I do have
an open-shoulder policy

and a very soft
sweater vest.
(CHUCKLES)

Okay, and now
the title of
"Coolest Teacher..."

Well, I think we all know
who's gonna win this one.

...goes to

Ms. Wilma Howell!

What the hell?

Well, I'll be!
That's fun!

I thought you hated
superlatives!

Well, it's just
an instinctive
human response

when you find out
your students have deemed you

far more cooler
than any other teacher.

Okay, all teacher
superlative winners,

please report to the gym
for photos.

Oh, there's photos?

Wait a minute.

And now on
to the students...

Cool top, gorgeous hair,
camera-ready makeup?

You knew
you were gonna win.

What?

That's a wild accusation!

It was a secret ballot.

I didn't even know
who was gonna win.

The only way to know
was to open up
the sealed envelope,

and to do that,
you'd have to be
inside the yearbook classroom.

Okay, so I got
a sneak peek
at the results!

But I only did it because
I wanted to help Anna

in case she got
"Most Quiet."

And then
you found out you won,

and now you're like,
"Oh, who me?
This ol' thing?

"I guess
I'll move to Hollywood

"and star in a movie
called Coolest Teacher

"that'll open up
to mediocre reviews!"

The reviews are in,
and they are glorious!

I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Glascott!

**

LAINEY: While Wilma was
gloating over her win,

CB was psyched to tell Mellor
all about his date.

Rick, hey. Your advice
is really working.

Seriously, Paloma and I
are like two peas in a pod,

which is coincidentally
what we ate

at Veg Out last night,
and it was delicious.

I never knew that
you could do so much
with a legume.

Well, you've proven
to be very coachable,
young Charles.

And as you know,
that's the greatest compliment
I can give anybody.

Well, seriously,
I owe you one.
Forget about it.

Just name your first born
after me.

Rick's a great name
for a boy.

Or a girl.

**

All right, John, I'm ready
for the Mellor Dome confab.
Oh, hi, Paloma.

Actually,
Paloma just alerted me

that we are having
a bit of an issue
with the new stadium site.

CB and I found
an endangered bird species,

the crimson brushpiper,

so we're gonna need to do
an environmental survey.

All right, well,
crank that out,

and we'll be ready
to break ground tomorrow.

A-Actually,
this could take months,

and the land could be deemed
a protected reserve,

where nothing
can ever be built.

Well, I'm deeming you
a dream crusher.

Come on, John.
You can't let her do this.

I'm sorry, Rick,
but this isn't my call.

We need to bring this
to a higher power.

Are you talking about
the Lord?

'Cause He'll go baseball
over birds any day.

Not the Lord,
the board.

We need to have
an open hearing on this.

I'll set it up.

And I'll moderate.
(CHUCKLES)

It'll finally
give me a chance
to use this

for something other
than cracking walnuts.

(GAVEL BANGS)

I'll see you two
in bird court!

LAINEY: As Glascott
was bringing down
the hammer, or gavel,

Wilma was still pumped up
over her yearbook superlative.

Yes!

Hello!

Oh, good,
a second pair of eyes.

What do you think, Anna?

Which reads more like
"Diana Ross

"leaving the
Super Bowl Halftime
in a helicopter"?

I don't know.

My parents
think football's
too violent.

Oh. So, how
are you feeling?

Pretty relieved you didn't
get "Most Quiet"?

Yeah,
but I'm a little sad

because Victor Ramos
did get it.

Look at you.
So considerate.

Maybe you should have won
"Biggest Heart."

No, I-I don't
want a title.

Gunning for
"Most Humble," too?

No.

I thought we both agreed
that the superlatives are bad

and you were gonna try
to get rid of them.

I tried.

It's just that
they're really popular,
and it's a tradition.

You know, sometimes
you just got to go
with the flow

and be happy
for the people who won.

You were a lot cooler
before you won
"Coolest Teacher."

**

Remember, don't throw out
those greasy pizza napkins,

'cause they can be repurposed
into scented notebook paper.

CB, can I talk to you
for a second?

Abso-fruitly.

One second.

What's up, Rick?

My new stadium
is being put on hold,
possibly forever,

because your lady friend
wants to turn the land

into some kind of
a weird love field,

where filthy hippies
run around naked with birds!

Oh, wow. I-I'm...
I'm sorry, Rick.
Good.

Well, please go
talk to Paloma

and make this whole thing
go away.

No can do-skees.
Why not-skees?

Paloma has taught me
that we all have to make
sacrifices for the planet.

So we can't just take away
a bird's home like that.

You owe me.
You said it yourself.

Well, you said,
"Forget about it."

That's an expression,

like when mobsters say,
"Fugget-aboud-it!"

Everybody knows
they never forget about it.

I'm sorry, Rick.
I can't back you up
on this one.

Why are you acting like
you're Mr. Environment
all of a sudden?

You're only pretending
so Paloma will like you.

PALOMA:
Is that true, CB?

What? No.
No, no, no. I'm not...

I-I mean, I might have been
pretending at first, but...

Well, congrats.
You tricked me
and I fell for it.

Please.

**

(SIGHS)

Thank you, Rick.

Um, I really liked her,
and you ruined that,
so... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Well,
if it wasn't for me,

there never would have been
anything for me to ruin.

LAINEY: It was time
for the board
to decide the fate

of Coach Mellor's
new baseball stadium.

(GAVEL BANGS)
Order in the bird court!

First of all, if, uh,
anyone would
like some walnuts

or if you have nuts
of your own that
you need cracking,

please feel free
to approach the bench.

The chair recognizes
Rick Mellor.

Thank you, Your Honor.

(THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER
PLAYS)

LAINEY: Mellor's entire case
was built on the same thing
he built all his cases on...

In-your-face patriotism.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the gym, I ask you,

what does this flag
symbolize?

America!

(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

This apple pie?

America.

**

This beautiful
rawhide-covered sphere

adorned
with red stitching?

America.

You know
what isn't America?

Birds!

They crap all over
America's cars and dreams

and have been known
to spend half the year
in Canada!

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

LAINEY:
Mellor had the audience
in the palm of his hand,

and it was looking like his
new stadium was a shoo-in.

In conclusion,
vote for my stadium

because a vote for the bird
is a vote for communism!

God bless America,

land of the free
and home of the baseball!

**

LAINEY: Paloma had
a tough act to follow.

But she gave it her all.

So, as you can see,
the migratory pattern
of the brushpiper...

Unfortunately,
facts and science

always lose to a blowhard
screaming about America.

Boo! Boring!

Who wants
some American pie?

(AUDIENCE MURMURS)

I object!
Overruled.

LAINEY: All seemed
lost for Paloma,

until something magical
happened.

CB: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Ca-caw! Save me!

The big, mean
baseball stadium
took my home!

Ca-caw!

**

* So let yourself
fly, fly, fly away *

(LIGHT APPLAUSE)
CB: Thank you.
Thank you so much.

I have a few things
I'd like to show the board.

Now, there's nothing more
magical than...

Mother Nature.

(GLISSANDO)

Meet the crimson brushpiper.

That's him?
Yes, it is, Rick.

Well,
he's just adorable.

He's looking at me.

I feel like
we could be friends.

And if we protect him,
next year,
we can have even more.

More friends?

But if we don't
protect him...

(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Wait, where'd he go?

I miss him!
I miss him like crazy!

I don't know, Rick.

If we build
your stadium,

they may never
be back again.

No! This is America,

home of
the crimson brushpiper!

Well, if that's
what you think,

then maybe
you should side
with nature

and let
the crimson brushpipers...

Flourish.

Smoke, and...

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

So many brushpipers.

Those are actually doves.

MELLOR: You put on
quite a show.

I had to do my thing, Rick.

And that's what
you should always do.

I was wrong to tell you
not to be yourself.

I tried
to change you.

And in the end,
you changed me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am withdrawing
my argument against
the crimson brushpiper.

We will refurbish
the existing stadium.

Well, it's official.
The birds win!

(APPLAUSE)
(GAVEL BANGS)

Now, would someone
get these birds?

They are eating
all of my walnuts!

CB: Thanks so much.
Thank you for coming.

LAINEY: While CB
had won big-time,

Wilma had never looked
so defeated.

What's going on?
Talk to me.

WILMA: When I got
"Coolest Teacher,"
I got carried away

and stopped thinking
about students like Anna,
and I shouldn't have,

because I've been
on the other side of it.

Back in high school,
I got voted "Most Studious."

Oh, well,
that seems accurate.

It was code
for "Biggest Nerd."

The girl who didn't
go to parties,

read Encyclopedia Britannica
for fun,

and went to prom alone
'cause her cousin said "no."

I'm sorry.

It's still pretty awkward
at family reunions.

Anyway, I'm embarrassed
that getting
a good superlative

made me forget
how hurtful they can be.

But they're supposed
to make you feel good.

The word starts
with "super."

Not when they're ones like

"Most Quiet,"
"Most Studious,"
or "Most Unique."

Or when they don't get
anything at all.

Yeah, now I know
how that feels.
It's not great.

You know what?
I say this year,

we start making everyone
feel good, for once.

Can we do that?
Yeah.

I'm the yearbook adviser.
I can do anything.

**

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, for someone
who isn't that into
the environment,

you sure made
a strong case for it.

I'm sorry
I misrepresented myself.

It's just I, uh...
I really liked you,

and I didn't want you
to get scared off

from all the nerdy stuff
I'm into.

What stuff?
Shadow puppets,
silly voices, magic.

Mm, I only have one thing
to say to that.

I don't think
any of that stuff
is weird at all.

Well, I have one thing
to say to that.

Boom!

(LAUGHS)

That was really good.
Thank you.

Hey, everyone.
Listen up, guys.

WILMA: Even though
the senior superlatives

were announced
earlier this week,

we have a few more
to give out.

You all have something
that makes you one of a kind,

and today we're going
to celebrate that.

To Brad Kramer,

in honor of
his classroom wisecracks,

I give him
the superlative for

"Best at Lightening
the Mood."

(APPLAUSE)
LAINEY: Yes!

Jokester.

For Samantha Zachrich
and her incredible
notebook doodles,

I give you
"Most Artistic."

(APPLAUSE)

Well done.

Sometimes the recipient
keeps a low profile,

so their award-worthiness
isn't so easy to see.

That's why
I'm happy to give

"Most Likely to Speak Up
and Change the World"

to Anna Whitman.

(APPLAUSE)

**

(QUIETLY) Thank you.

You're welcome.
My pleasure.

(SPACEHOG'S IN THE MEANTIME
PLAYS)

Jennifer Weisner,
"Most Original Project."

Ernest Hemingway once said,

"The world is a fine place
and worth fighting for."

Sometimes it just
takes an old friend
to help you realize it.

**

Other times,
it takes a new friend

to help you see that you're
fine just the way you are.

* Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

LAINEY: So don't ever
compare yourself to others

because the truth is,
we're all special and unique.

* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh *

You just have to let your
true self shine through.

**

Well, I hope everyone
enjoyed their long weekend.

I, myself, snuggled
up on the couch

and watched a couple
of fantastic movies.

(CHUCKLES)
That shook me
to my core!

God, here we go.

Volcano!

We're talking end of days,
people!

There are no volcanoes
anywhere near here.

Yeah, that's what
Tommy Lee Jones said,
and then, boom!

L.A. became
a lava-filled hellscape!

Twister!
Mother Nature is pissed!

Armageddon!
What's out there?

Independence Day!

Who's out there?

The Sixth Sense.

Guys, be honest with me.

Am I dead?

Dante's Peak!
Another volcano!

But now
with Pierce Brosnan!

Face/Off!

Who wants to switch faces
with ol' Glascott?

The technology is there.

John, can I see
your West Coast Video card?

Yeah, sure.

Great.

(GLASCOTT GASPS)

(SIGHS) Thank you.