All language subtitles for Schooled S02E06 Run Rick Run 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY:
Back in the '90s, I loved
making Halloween costumes.

And with so many amazing movie characters of the decade

to choose from, I was never
short on cool ideas.

What up,
Halloween party people?

"Dumb and Dumber"
in da house!

I wonder which one of you
is the "dumber."

It's Lainey.

I'm a doctor now.

[SPRAY HISSES]

Mmm.
Nice to see you, Barry.

Missed you, too,
Bee Bop.

Care-Bar flew in
to surprise me

'cause we've never missed
a Halloween together.

Mm, except for the 11

after she basically
left me at the altar.

It's been a real journey,
huh?

Hey, Rick, what do you think
of our couples costume?

Couples what-stume?

Seriously? This is
a foreign concept to you?

Dude, the best thing
about Halloween

is dressing up with
your smoke-show girlfriend

to make the whole world
jealous.

Wait a minute.
I'm in a couple
with Aunt Julie,

which means I, too,
get to costume in a couple.

Welcome aboard, Coach.
What you thinking?

I got the perfect idea.

We'll go as Magic Johnson
and Larry Bird.

Eh, that's too sexy.

Damn it, people,
help me.

Dude, you know Aunt Julie
and what she likes.

Come on. You gotta
think of this one on your own.

You're right.

And I know exactly
how to find out what I think.

Couples costume ideas.

Hit me hard,
hit me fast. Go.

Boobs.
What?

Ew. No.
How would that even work?

It's like,
y-you're the left boob

and she's the right one.

Stop with the boobs,
okay?

Let's just move on.

New ideas. Go.

Maybe you're the boobs
and she's the bra?

I legitimately cannot make
this any clearer

no more ideas
related to boobs!

Ooh! Wait. I got it.

You're Pamela,
she's the Anderson.

What?

Oh. Right.
Boobs again.

Maybe I can help,
you know,

'cause you're dating my aunt
and I know everything
about her.

[COUGHING] Suck-up!
[COUGHING] Teacher's pet!

Alright, stop
with your asthmatic insults

and let my best pal
in the school, Toby, speak.

My aunt's favorite movie
is Forrest Gump.

Ohh.
Ugh.

She's seen it, like,
a hundred times.

Forrest Gump!Ha!

I knew I'd think of something.
[CLICKS TONGUE]

Aunt Julie,
will you do me the honor

of joining me in a Halloween
couples costume?

That's my favorite movie!

Now that I've actually
seen it, it's mine, too.

Screw you, Air Bud!
You just got bumped
to number 2.

"Air" what?
Ah, you'll see.

Until then, I shall be
your Forrest Gump,

which obviously
makes you,

my park bench.

Or, uh,
I can just go as Jenny.

Oh. That's my girl.
Always thinking.

Well, I'll just, uh,
put this back

at the ol' bus stop,
where it belongs.

[BENCH SCRAPING]

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
and finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

It was October 30th,
1990-something,

and we were about to be hit

with some heavy
Halloween drama.

Oh, dear God!

Everyone,
sit down for safety,

because you are about to be
rocked with urgent news

that will change the fabric
of our school as we know it.

Oh, no.
What happened?

I am taking over the role
of the Halloween parade witch.

I'm gonna
stand back up now.

Being the parade witch
will truly be

the greatest role
of my lifetime.

Okay, what's happening
right now?

All the kids in elementary
school dress up for Halloween

and then do a parade
over at the middle school.

And who gets to ring
the spooky bell

and lead
this glorious parade?

[SIGHS]
The Halloween witch.

Who has been the same person
for the last 40 years

because...

Everyone loves Mrs. Chomers,
the school nurse.

But Mrs. Chomers
is now...

Super-old.

Which means...

She's taking time
to be with her grandchildren

before she dies.

Yes,
that's very sad stuff.

But the show must go on.

So, say goodbye
to Susan Cinoman,

as I am now
in character.
[CACKLES]

Aah!

That felt a little big.

Was it too big?
No, I think it worked.

Alright.
I'll see you soon!

You know, I haven't had
a ton of FaceTime with Susan,

but my read on her is...
she's a lot.

You'll grow numb.

But this parade thing
sounds adorable!

Hallways lined
with cute little ladybugs

and boy pirates
and tiny kid astronauts?

I love the cute way
those little kids

wave with both their hands
and say "pasketti."

Your reaction
is fairly unexpected.

Oh, I love little kids!

Just not as much as I love
mold, spores, and fungi,

which is why I teach science
and not kindergarten.

Our middle-schoolers tend to
show their Halloween
enthusiasm

way less kindly than you.

I'd say it's more of
a mean-spirited competition

where jackass
middle-schoolers

try to make a bunch
of cute little children cry.

What?You know, stuff within reason,
like popping out of a locker

and screaming,
"You're all gonna die!"

Or sneezing fake blood
onto them.

And then
there's the booing.

Cute Halloween booing,
like, "Boo-ooh"?

More like
a "Boo, you suck!"

Dear Lord, we have got to
shut this parade
of terror down!

That parade of terror
is this school's most
time-honored tradition.

I went through it myself.

Started in first grade,
when I went as She-Ra.

The Princess of Power.
He-Man's twin sister.

Mm-kay. Not now.

Then when?

Trust me,
there was nothing worse

than being paraded
in a big building

where a bunch of big kids

scared the crap
out of She-Ra so bad,

she hid in a garbage can.

You poor thing.

But then, you graduate
to middle school, and boom,

now you get to scare the crap
out of these terrified tykes.

These middle-school kids
still want Halloween.

We just have to find a way
to make them admit it.

What if we could get them
on board?

You know, convince them
to cheer on the little kids

instead of
leaping out at them

with fake blood
oozing out of their eyeballs?

Guys, we're talking about

ruthless middle-school
kids here.

Sure, deep down, they still
want costumes and candy,

but they'll never admit it
'cause they're too cool.

Pfft. I loved Halloween
in middle school.

'Cause you were
a clueless dummy,

and you still are,
Mr. Skeleton-Tie.

This is Jack Skellington,
the Pumpkin King?

I'll be taking point
on this.

I get that.

LAINEY: While Wilma
was taking charge,

Coach was bringing
his personal life into work.

Hey, Coach,
isn't this a tad unfair?

What are you
talking about?

Uh, Toby has a ladder?

Oh, yes.

That was left there
by the janitor

when he was doing some
seasonal rope maintenance.

If Toby gets to
use the ladder,
can I use the ladder?

No, you can't use a ladder.
You have giant man arms.

My arms are normal human size.
Can I use the ladder?

Nobody gets to use
the ladder.

Except Toby, 'cause
you're dating his aunt.

Can you date my aunt
so I can use the ladder?

I've seen your aunt.
I'll pass.

Coach, you clearly have
a soft spot for Toby.

It's just not fair
to play favorites, dude.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Huddle up!

It's time for you bozos
to realize once and for all

that Coach Mellor
does not play favorites.

As you can clearly see,

I've made two dodgeball teams
so evenly matched

that no one player
is being favored in any way.

Toby, look out!

LAINEY: But Coach
couldn't help himself.

He jumped into that game

and dodged, blocked,
deflected, and caught

every single ball
that was thrown Toby's way.

[DISTORTED] No!
Yep, it was pretty clear
he'd do anything

to protect
his favorite student.

[DISTORTED] Uh!

Ronnie, you're out.

But Toby didn't even
throw the ball. You did!

Exactly. I threw it
as Toby's gym proxy.

Can I go grab a Yoo-hoo
as you play this one out?

Knock yourself out, kid.

Game on!
[DODGEBALL THUMPS]

You wanted to see me,
pal?

Listen, I've been getting
some complaints

that you've been
playing favorites

with a certain someone.

Is it that obvious?

John, I give you my word,
the last thing I wanted

was for the other teachers
to know

that you're my favorite member
of the faculty.

Well,
that's not what I'm talk...

Wait, I am?
Of course.

You have truly settled into
your role as head of
this school

with the grace and the
elegance of a Princess Diana.

You think of me
as Lady Di?

You are
the people's principal.

Well, this job has been
eating me alive, Rick.

I really needed this win.

Glad I called
for this sit-down.

As am I.
Back to the grind.

No, wait, Rick!

Come in. Sit down.

You know
that I'm talking about Toby.

Look, I understand
that you're dating his aunt

and seeing the kid a lot,

but bonding with him
outside of school,

it can get complicated.

Oh, please. There's nothing
complicated about a teacher

reading Harry Potter
to a student at tuck-in time.

You know there's a policy
that prohibits teachers

from fraternizing
with parents?

Because it leads to problems
just like this.

I hear you
loud and clear, boss.

But thankfully,
I am not dating a parent.

I am dating an aunt.

Okay, that's a weak argument,
even for you.

Is it?
Seems like
a slippery slope.

You start making aunts
off-limits,

where's it end, John?

Can a teacher date
a student's second cousin?

How about
a third cousin?

How about
a fourth cousin?

How many cousins removed,
John, before this is okay?

It's not about cousins.

It's about Toby.

He's beginning to look at you
as a father figure.

If anything, he looks at me
as an uncle figure.

Okay, pencils ready.

You have one hour
to complete your exam.

I'm sorry
if this is a bad time.

Couldn't be worse. Literally
in the middle of midterms.

Attention,
fearless middle-schoolers,

we have come to you
with the gift of a lifetime.

The gift we bring
is Halloween.

We get it. At your age,
you just want to look cool,

but we know deep down,

you'd really rather
go trick-or-treating.

Tom Scott,
if you could be anything

this year for Halloween,
what would it be?

Someone who won't get beat up
for dressing as
a Power Ranger.

I get that.
Moving on.

Veronica, what would you
like to be?

Out of this conversation.

That's enough!
Let me tell you
what's going down.

Starting now, you're gonna
cheer on those sweet babies

at that damn parade!

No!
We've earned the right

to scare the crap
out of those little turds.

For six horrible years,

we had to suffer
through that parade.

Or you dress up
and have fun with them

because we all know that

that's what you really want
deep down.

Come on. Halloween's fun
when you're young and dumb

and still believe
in ghosts and witches.

What if I convinced you
witches are real?

Uh, you won't,
because, duh, they're not.

Uh, dur, that means
you've never heard of

the Blair Witch
documentary.

The what, now?

Uh, a friend of mine got me
an early bootleg.

It's terrifying.

The filmmakers
went missing in the woods,

and their footage proves
that witches are real.

Yeah. This is off the rails.
Back to midterms.

Ba-bup!
How's about
we all make a deal?

If you watch this doc

and you still feel too old
and cool to be scared,

then you can terrify
any little tyke you want.

But if I'm right

and this doc makes you
believe in witches

and all the spooky things
that Halloween has to offer,

then you'll accept these kids
with open arms.

Just say yes
and take the test.

We all know CB lost
the moment he said
the word "documentary."

You got yourself
a deal.

Yes!

Hey, slugger. I hear
it's tuna casserole Tuesday.

I'll see you at dinner.

I'll bring the Boggle.

Boggle?
That's an intimate
family game!

Oh, this is bad.

We both agreed, I'm not
violating any school policy

as long as I'm with...

Aunt Julie.

Aunt Julie.

Amazing news!
I'm not Toby's aunt
anymore!

Oh.

Huh?
Who are you?

Paperwork
finally got processed.

I am officially
his legal guardian.

But, uh, to clarify,

according to God and science,
you're still his aunt?

I guess, but on paper,
I'm kinda his mom.

Ooh.
Feels weird to say that.

Then don't.
[CHUCKLES]

My sister had Toby
so young,

and God knows
she's had her struggles,

but she thinks
this is best

while she's getting
her life together.

But we agree
you're still Aunt Julie?

Although, now,
I'm more of a Mom Julie.

Well, I certainly can't
call you "Mom Julie."

You could call me just...
Julie,

like I've been asking
since we started dating.

Hey, you know what'd be
a great way to celebrate?

You do a couples costume
with Toby.

He's an ant,
and you're his Julie.

Ant Julie.

I'd rather you and I go
as Forrest and Jenny.

Or I'm Forrest
and you're Aunt Julie.

[AS FORREST GUMP]
I'm Forrest. Forrest Gump.

Life is like
a box of chocolates.

I'm gonna go.

[NORMAL VOICE]
Sure thing, Aunt Julie.

Just Julie.

LAINEY: CB and Wilma were
determined to prove to
their students

that you're never too old
to be scared
by the magic of Halloween.

I'm scared to close my eyes.

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

I'm scared to open them.

WILMA: Oh, man.
They are terrified.

[CHUCKLES]
Even Lainey
thinks it's real.

And the best part,

I arranged my own grand finale
after the movie ends

to really scare them crapless
and seal the deal.

We are good teachers.
[HEATHER SCREAMS]

The best.

[SCREAMING]

[THUD, CLATTER]

[FILM REEL CLICKING]

[CLICK]

I think I speak for everyone
in the room when I say

"What the [BLEEP] kind
of documentary was that,
man?"

I need a big, safe hug
from my mom.

Judging by that reaction,

clearly, we get to have

a warm and friendly parade
this year!

Screw the parade!

Why'd you show us that?
We're just kids!

Why was that dude
just staring at the wall?

Everyone, calm down!

Again, what the [BLEEP]?

I want to go home, but
I don't want to go outside.
What do I do?

Safety in numbers.
Grab a buddy,
follow me.

No, no, what are you...
Wait...

LAINEY: But we still had
CB's grand finale.

Oh, my God.
Witch sticks!

Stay close!
Let's go! Go!

I calmly led them to safety.

CB?
The kids were scared...

The witch locked us in!

...but I kept a level head.

What was that?

All right, I hope you all wore
your stretchy underpants,

because
it's dodgeball time!

Let's do this,
gym proxy!

Get ready to eat my farts,
losers.

Whoa.
Dial it back there, Toby.

Too late.
He's a dead man.

I'm so scared.

Wait, that's right,
I got a gym proxy,

so suck it!

Toby, let me talk to you
for a second.

What's up, Coach?

I can't be your gym proxy
anymore.

What's that, now?

I heard the great news
that Aunt Julie

is now
more of a Mom Julie.

Unfortunately, the school has
a strict no-mom-dating policy,

which means
you got to proxy yourself.

Kinda wish I knew this
10 minutes ago!

Before you told everybody
to eat your farts?

Can you tell them
I sprained my ankle

and I can't play anymore?

I would
if you were my favorite,
but now you're not,

even though
we both know you are.

Try not to die.

Hey, guys.

Listen,
some things were said,

farts were offered
to be eaten,

but we're good.

Right?

JULIE:
What the hell, Rick?

How do you just
stand there

and let a bunch of goons
gang up on the boy?

Because there's a policy
that says

teachers
can't date parents,

and now
that you're Mom Julie,

I gotta go back
to being Coach Rick only.

You can't go back.

Look, Toby has
never had a dad.

He idolizes you.

Maybe I could be his...
Gym Dad?

That's not a thing.

It is in here.

Just 'cause you softly point
to your heart

doesn't mean
it suddenly makes sense.

But it does

in here.

Well, in here,
it says that you're a jerk

for putting some stupid policy
above us.

No policy is more important
than you.

Except for honesty, because
that's the best policy...

Ah, damn it, Rick,
you suck!

[INDISTINCT TALKING]
But Aunt Julie wasn't the only parent who was upset.

Everyone, please.

It seems to me

that some of you
may have an issue

with the fact
that we showed your children

an educational documentary
that was actually

a falsely marketed
R-rated horror film.

All of us definitely
have issues with it.

What were you thinking?
They're just children.

I've got
a gangly teenage boy

who refuses to go to sleep
ever again.

My marriage
can't survive that.

Aaron refuses
to leave my side,

even when
he goes to the bathroom.

And I didn't sleep
a wink.

Lainey?
You're a teacher!
Get over here to our side!

No way! Thanks to you,
I'm scared of walls now.

Walls.

Look around.
They are everywhere.

Look,
we made a mistake.Yeah.

How can we
make it right?

By turning
our scared children

back into the disrespectful
teenage jerks

we know and love.

CB: Thank you. Thank you.
WILMA: Thank you.

Gotta say, it's fun to see
other teachers in trouble

who aren't me.

John, can I talk to you
for a second? It's urgent.

Last time
you said it was urgent,

you just wanted to show me
how high you could jump.

Well, it's not about
how high I can jump,

which we both know
is inhuman.

This is about
the outdated school policy

that says that teachers
can't date parents.

Outdated?

I refuse to accept that back
in stupid Colonial times,

stupid William Penn
made some stupid declaration

I still have to follow.

The hell did that guy
ever do, anyway?

Founded Pennsylvania.

And?

Just to be clear,
it's my policy.

This is your policy?

Oh, for the love of
Larry Bird's sweet,
sexy mustache!

This is great news!

Aunt Julie
just got full custody,
and now she's Mom Julie.

It's great for them,
but not for you.

Like you said, it's just
your personal policy.

But the policy
still stands.

Well, I reject your policy,
so we're all good.

You just can't reject
my policy.
I made it for a reason.

Fine. Then I'll make
my own policy

that says that your policy
doesn't matter.

You can't just make policies.
I'm the one in charge.

That means
I'm the policy guy.

Not according to my policy,
where I make the policies.

That's not how policies work,
and you know it.

Well, I just made a new policy
that says

you're being both a weenie
and a bad friend!

That is a hurtful policy.

My whole life,
I've had a strict policy

to always be there
for people.

That's why
I'm your favorite.

Were. I got a new policy
saying I take it back.

Don't make policies
you'll regret, Rick,

because once you make 'em,
there's no going back.

That's how policies work.

I can't believe you'd stand
in the way of me being happy.

I was finally happy.

Rick...

No.
Some friend you are.

After the fallout from
"The Blair Witch Project,"

CB got the idea to prove
it was just a silly movie.

I'm scared to close my eyes.

I'm scared to open them.

I don't know what to do
with my eyes. I'm so scared.

I just want to apologize
to everyone.

[SOBS]

I'm so sorry to Tom
and Aaron and Veronica.

[VOICE BREAKING]
But the worst thing of all...

[NORMAL VOICE]
...is that none of this
is real.

Ta-da! Movies!

[DRAMATIC BEAT]

You cut
all my damn lines.

They didn't play.
Hey, kids!
[CLAPS]

And there you have it.

You're all scared of a silly
movie that anyone can make.

Well,
the movie may be fake,

but my nightmares
are still very real.

Yeah, I'm still
scared of witches.

I'm scared of witches
and vampires.

I'm scared of ghosts
and demon clowns

and also mole people.

If mole people are real,
then there's gotta
be C.H.U.D.s.

What the hell
are C.H.U.D.s?

I thought you were
a science teacher.

All we wanted
was a nice parade.

Look how scared
you are now.

Do you really want
to give this feeling

to a parade
of little kids?

Yes!
The big kids
scared the crap out of us.

Yeah,
we waited six years

to feel better
about the whole thing.

But you won't.

Guys, I was
in the same place you were.

Actually, for me,
it was worse.

That's not possible.
Oh, yeah?

After my She-Ra incident
in first grade,

I dreaded the parade so much
that I pretended to be sick

so I could stay home
and miss it.

But that also meant
my dad thought I was sick,

so I couldn't go
trick-or-treating.

You missed out
on a lot of Halloweens.

And the saddest part?

When I got
to middle school,

I still wanted to
trick-or-treat more
than anything,

but instead, I just ended up
teasing a bunch of
little kids,

and that only made me
feel worse.

So, then,
how do we feel better?

You finally admit that you're
not too cool for Halloween

and you go have
the night of your lives.

LAINEY:
That day, the kids learned

you're never too cool
for Halloween.

But as for Coach,

he was worried
he'd lost Aunt Julie forever.

[SIGHS]
Rick, about my policy...

I get it.

I got to choose
between a job I love

and an aunt
formerly known as Julie.

Well...

I choose her.

Wow.

That's major.

I really like her, John.

Rick, whenever I make
a new policy,

it's always
for a good reason.

Back when I was
still teaching,
I dated a student's mom,

and I fell for her hard.

But what I loved most
was that suddenly,

I...felt like
I had a family.

And that's
what makes it hard

if it doesn't work out
with Aunt Julie.

You don't just lose her.

You lose having that family
that you fell in love with.

But you're not me.

So, as your friend,

I will not stand in the way
of your happiness.

But what about
your policy?

Let's just say
I'm playing favorites.

♪ It's not worth dyin' for

♪ Yeah, I would
fight for you

And so, Rick ran...

♪ I'd lie for you ♪

...and ran

and ran

all the way to his Jenny.

Rick...
I choose you.

What?
You quit your job?

Sure did,
for six seconds.

Then Glascott realized
what you mean to me,

and he said, "Go to her."

And what do I mean
to you?

You're my first
couples costume.

Who the hell knows
how this will turn out,

but I give you my word,

I'll do whatever it takes
to make it work...

Just Julie.

Don't you mean
Aunt Julie?

No.

Just Julie.

♪ Oh, you can't tell me... ♪

That Halloween turned out
to be one of the
greatest ever.

Coach learned that in life,

you never know
what you're gonna get.

But if you follow your heart,

it'll lead you to exactly
where you're meant to be.

Because that's the crazy thing about life.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
It's full of changes.

At our school, what used to be
some scary, old tradition

became one of our most
joyful celebrations

that still lasts
to this very day.

As it turns out,
no matter how old we get,

there's still a kid
inside all of us.

And that's something we should
always remember to embrace.

Because when we do, we can
bring happiness and joy,

not just to others,
but to ourselves.

[BELL TINKLING]

[DING]

[DING]

[DING]

[DING]

[APPLAUSE]

Well,
looks like I was wrong.

You really did give these kids
their Halloween back.

Plus, Wilma gets to squeeze
lots of cute kiddos,

Cinoman gets to ham it up,
and...

Look, Glascott's made
a tiny astronaut friend.

We saved Halloween.

Not just theirs.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I got some zombie walkin'
to do.

[MOANS]

Brains...

[MOANS]

[GROWLS]

[APPLAUSE STOPS]

Oh, now the clapping stops?
Keep it going! Yeah!

[APPLAUSE RESUMES]
Brains!