All language subtitles for Schooled S02E05 Outbreak 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,

marching bands
across the country
were stepping up their game

by taking hit songs from MTV straight to the halftime show.

At William Penn, I was determined to make sure

that my marching band
was doing the same.

Um, what's this?

Our lead-off song
for the Keystone State
Marching Band Competition.

This isn't
On Top of Old Smokey.

No more songs
with "old" in the title.

We need something
fresh and new.

That's why we'll be
bringing the heat
with some Barenaked Ladies.

Which are actually just
four fully clothed men.

[BARENAKED LADIES'
ONE WEEK PLAYING]Isn't that song, like,

super-fast and impossible
for children to play?

No. It's...
It's easy. Listen.

♪ Like Kurosawa
I make mad films

♪ Yeah, I don't make films

♪ But if I did
I'd have a samurai ♪

[MUMBLING]

♪ Flying off the back swing

This isn't easy.

[MUMBLES] Yeah.

[MUSIC STOPS]
No.

Now that I hear it,
it's a real tough song.

So, we don't have to do it?

All the more reason to!

Just 'cause something's hard
doesn't mean

you should give up.
What do you say?

I say we're guaranteed to fail
in a very public forum.

I hear "yes."

From the top.

Five, six, seven, eight!

[BAND PLAYING OUT OF SYNC]
Come on! Fast fingers!
Who's with me?

Wow. It is fast.
But it's okay, we got this.

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

I'm running out of breath.
It's very fast.

♪ One of these days
You're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
And finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days"

LAINEY: It was October 23rd,
1990-something,

and the week was starting
with a nasty epidemic.

Okay, guys, listen up.
Another teacher down.

First Cinoman, then Crosby.

Now Taraborelli
just called in sick.

Oh, my God.
A kid just yacked
in Neiman's class.

Ugh.
Oh, it's this flu
going around.

Nobody come near me.
I'm already at my goal weight.

Most of the year, nobody even
thinks about the janitor.

Suddenly flu season,
and the man
with the vomit sawdust

is the belle of the ball.

I'm all of a sudden
not feeling so great, either.[STOMACH GURGLES]

I better hazmat up.

Okay, all hands on deck.
I need everybody to pitch in.

Uh, C.B., I need you to take
Coop's Spanish classes.

People do say
I'm the Ricky Martin
of William Penn.

Your nana
and who else?

Rick, can you take
Taraborelli's class?Got it.

And, Wilma, can you handle
Crosby's wood shop? Thank you.

And then, last but least,
social studies, and...

I'm gonna go make
a few calls.

Where Principal Sweater Vest?

He say he need me substitute.

Don't you work
in the kitchen?

I sometimes teach
talk class, too.

Talk class?

The English?
"Blah, blah, blah."

Mother. Hi.

Thank you for
returning my call.

How do you feel
about teaching home ec?

John, I can't help but notice

you never pick me
to substitute.

Gotta go.

Maybe I'll regret
asking you why, but...

No, it's a good instinct.

You've got a lunch lady
teaching Honors English.

Petra has five
advanced degrees.

She sent the first
cosmonaut to Mars.

A cosmonaut
made it to Mars?

Well, made it
most of the way.

That's why she's here
making pierogis.
Win-win.

Doesn't sound
like anyone won.

Try her pierogis
and get back to me.

Come on.
Nelson's out sick

and you've got no one
to teach home ec.

I can crack an egg.

No, you can't.
You're not
minimally competent.

[GASPS] Yeah, well,
you have a weird head!

Whoa. I'm gonna
let that slide

because I'm very secure
in my head shape.

"Minimally competent"
is an official term.

All substitutes need
a certificate from the state

saying you have
the lowest level
of remedial knowledge

in basic subjects
like reading and math.

I have a diploma
from this school.

You'll have to do
better than that.

This is important
to me, John.

Everyone else
is pitching in.

How do I get
one of these certificates?

You can get
certified in a week
at night school.

C.B. is actually
teaching a class
at the community college.

That's even better.
He gives out lollipop for A's.

This is adult education.

Well, then, maybe he gives out
free cigarettes or something.

I don't know.
As long as I get
something free.

Back in the day, each sub had their own style.

The sub that showed movies...

Your calculus teacher
called in sick,

so we're gonna watch
a math-based movie.

Cannonball Run II.

How is that
a math movie?

Two.

Got a number in it.
Math.

LAINEY: ...the sub who took it
way too seriously.

Sometimes, you had
a random non-teacher
who confused you...

I'll be your sub
for the next 30 days.Sweet.

It's gonna be a lot
of learning today,

so if you gotta make,
do it now.

LAINEY: ...and some
teachers like C.B.,

who used the opportunity
of subbing

to learn something
new themselves.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

"The farmer was riding
a burrito"?

No. Oh.

A "burrito" means
small donkey.

Makes me wonder what I've been
eating at the Taco Hut.

Thank you, Tom Scott,
for opening our ojos

to the perils
of rapidofood.

Wilma, you're a science gal.

Got to teach a quantum physics
class in about 10 minutes.

So, my question is Sister Act
or Mrs. Doubtfire?

I'd go with Sister Act

because I'm showing
Mrs. Doubtfirein wood shop.

When will it be safe
to go back
into the teacher's lounge?

It depends on
if he has hazmat
suits for the rest of us.

Hmm. Well, I think I got all
of our classes covered.

As long as we stay healthy,
we're good.

[STOMACH GURGLES]

What was that?

Just got a little tug-of-war
in my tummy.

I left my jerky out in the sun
a little too long.
I'll push through.

You're sick.
You should go home.

No. Nobody goes home.

Everybody, relax.
I have an elite immune system.

I could eat a ball
of used Band-Aids

and not come down
with so much as a sniffle.

Ooh. Wait.

You're burning up.

Yeah, well, we have the most
important wrestling match

of the season on Friday.

Winner takes home
the Jenkin Cup,

and I am not leaving this guy
in charge of that.

He'll turn 'em into wusses.
Do not worry.

I just need a little
power nap in my office,
and I'll be 100%.

[MUMBLES AND THUDS]

LAINEY: Turns out,
nothing was 100%,

especially my marching band.

[MARCHING BAND
PLAYING OFF-KEY]

[MUSIC STOPS]
Okay. Good stuff.

It's really coming along.
Any questions?

Any questions
that aren't about
if I'll let you quit?

Eh, it's not about
quitting per se,

but what if we pivot and do Three Blind Miceinstead?

Okay. Take five, and, uh,
study your sheet music.

And no nursery rhymes.

Uh, Glascott said
you wanted to see me?

Yeah, I'm taking
your night-school class
so I can become a sub.

Aw, sweet.
That's totally cool
that you care.

But also,
why do you care?

I'm just so tired of always
being passed over

like I'm not even there.

Lainey Lewis,
I see you.

What are you doing?

I'm not sure.
Uh, class starts at 8:00.

We're gonna be
hitting the geography
on the test tonight.

Test? What test?
Why is there a test?

'Cause that's how
classes work.
You're a teacher.

It's troubling
you don't know this.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] Got you.
But, yeah, I quit.

Hey, never give up, kids.

No quitters
in this class, right?

Except for me.
Big quitter right here.

I thought you were tired
of always being passed over.

I am, but I also thought
your class was just

you doing lame puns
in dorky costumes

as you gave out lollipops.

That's, like, so freaky
that you said that

because that's
exactly what I do.

I'm still out.
So, we're good?

As a friend,
I refuse to let you quit.

I already did.
Didn't hear you.

Ready?
Two, four, five.

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
I already said no.

I can't hear you.
I'm sorry.

Not happening!
I'm so glad
you're excited, though.

My God! You suck!

I'll see you at 8:00!

LAINEY: C.B. really wanted me to substitute.

Meanwhile, Glascott
had already become one.

Nice wrestling, guys.

I like the look
of all the wrestling.

I really like the looks
of the wrestling.

They're doing well, right?

Ronnie should have
pinned him by now.

Good note, Weasel.

Ronnie, whenever you are ready
to "pin" him,

that would be super.

[GRUNTS] Sorry!

My head's not in it.

When Coach gets back,
he'll straighten me out.

Well, right now,
I am the coach.

In fact, isn't a former
guidance counselor

just a coach
by another name?

I've had Gatorade
dumped on my head.

Not in victory,
but by a clumsy waiter.

But I'm still qualified
to give you advice.

Yeah. Like when
I was worried

I didn't have the smarts
to be a doctor,
and you told me I did.

Just not one for people
or animals...

Or trees.

And I steered you
towards that job
with the Rug Doctor.

I can help you
like that.

Oh, I don't have the grades
to be a rug doctor.

When you were having
trouble pinning Karl,

was it him
you were wrestling with,

or was it "inner Ronnie"?

Inner Ronnie?

Knock, knock.

Can "inner Ronnie" tell me
what's on his mind?

Well, I guess we're both
kinda bummed
about my grandma.

She practically raised me.

Coach is listening.

Well, she's got
this new boyfriend, Hank,

and he's never gonna
be my grandpa.

No matter how many
50-cent pieces
he pulls out of my ear.

I think you know
what you'll have to do

before you're ready
to wrestle Karl.

Wrestle Hank.

No. You need to open up
to Hank and your granny,

and this time,
let "inner Ronnie"
do the talking.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah.
I'm on it.

That's good coaching, Coach.

Thanks, Weasel.

What the hell kind of
cockamamie practice is this?

Why is there no sweat
on the mat?

Why is nobody wrestling?

Where's that
musty armpit smell?

Rick, you should be
home in bed.
You look terrible.

I feel terrible, too.
Got my temperature
up to 104.8.

That's a personal best.

I stopped sweating
'cause I'm all out.

Where's Ronnie,
my best wrestler?

I sent him home
for some training.

Weights?
Yes. Emotional ones.

And those are
the heaviest of all.

No, they're not.

Emotions and feelings
don't mix with wrestling.

I knew
you'd botch this up.

I was actually making
some real progress here.

By sending Ronnie home
to cry in his journal?

Journaling
would be a huge step.

I need to coach
this team to victory
over Valley Forge!

Whoa. Okay. Come on.
We're taking you
to the emergency room.

Huh? No way.

Not until you promise
to call your colonel pal

and tell him to postpone
this meet until I'm better

and I can undo
all the coaching you did.

If that's what
it takes, fine.

I will call Colonel Welch
and postpone.
Now let's go.

Hello, Colonel Welch?

Who is this?
John Glascott
over at William Penn.

Coach Mellor's
come down with a fever,

and I promised him
that we would postpone

until later,
when he's better. Hell, no!

What the [BLEEP] was that?

LAINEY: After failing
to postpone
the wrestling meet,

Glascott had to break
the news to Coach.

Rick? Hey, buddy,
you feeling better?

LAINEY: He was still
really sick, but recovering
in his own way.

What's up, pal?!

Rick, shouldn't you
be in bed?

There's no stopping
the Mellor machine.

My mind is moving in a million
different directions.

I just got an idea
for a Police Academymovie.

I need a pen and some paper.

So, listen, I was talking
to Colonel Welch

over at Valley Forge.

Valley Forge.
Pivotal moment in the war.

I hope General Washington
knows what he's doing,

that cherry-tree-chopping
son of a bitch.

Yeah, and so, listen,
I talked to Colonel Welch

about postponing
the wrestling match,

but he's being
a real blowhole.

You're a true friend.
You and...

Have you met Eileen?

No.
Oh. She's...

...a hell of a gal.
Mmm.

She's a bit clingy,
though, you know?

Don't worry, Rick.
The boys and
I won't let you down.

I know you won't, Jeremy.

Mmm-hmm.
Godspeed.

I'll walk you to the door.

Stop smothering me, please!

LANEY:
It was the first of CB's
night-school classes,

and he was already
diving into his trademark
teaching style...

Silly costumes,
baggy cargo pants,
and close-up magic,

all to make boring subjects
seem more fun.

And transitioning
into state capitals,

but I don't need an outfit
for that

because the fun
is right there.

Alaska.
What's the capital?

Peter, d'youknow?

No one's getting the puns.

Psst! Ms. Lewis.

What are you guys
doing here?

Sorry,
it's a marching-band
emergency.

Is everybody okay?

We had
a trombone/bass-drum collision
during band practice.

Looks like
the trombone won.

Not really.

So sorry.
I have to replace these,

and the place closes
at 10:00.

I'll be back if I can.
Wait.

Before you go, what's
the capital of Delaware?

Uh...
While you're gone,

why don't you
think it Dover?

I definitely will.
[CHUCKLES] Let's go.

♪♪

Hey, thanks
for the help, guys.

Although, you didn't actually
have to break the instruments.

We really wanted
to sell it.

You did poorly.

He knows!

[CHUCKLES]
Hey, you.

Look, I can explain.

You paid children to help spin
your desperate web of lies?

Yes, but they sucked,
and I will be asking
for the money back.

You should really
get back to my class.

You're supposed to
start subbing on Monday.What?

Virus took out
the sixth grade
history teacher,

and I told Glascott
you'd be ready to fill in.

Why'd you do that?
'Cause you
got a great teacher,

and he's gonna help you
pass that test.

Or the teacher just
passes me to be nice.

The teacher's not
gonna do that.

Then the teacher
needs to tell Glascott
that he's a bonehead

for signing me up
without even asking.

Don't call the teacher
a bonehead.

Teacher's a bonehead,
and his close-up magic
is lame.

The teacher knows you're only
saying that 'cause you're mad.

Does the teacher also know
that gluing felt numbers

to his coat
makes him look like a doofus?

Now you're just hurting
the teacher's feelings,

but he still
believes in you.

Ugh! I hate this super-caring
and supportive teacher!

Teacher knows
you don't mean that

and sees this as a happy end
to the conversation.

Watch out for that bench.

LAINEY: On the day
of the big meet,

Glascott was trying to be the inspiring coach Mellor said he could never be.

Principal Glascott,
I'm back.

And I'm ready to wrestle.

Well, that's great, Ronnie,
but what about your granny

and her special friend,
Hank?

We all talked,
and with your help,

I've come to accept
my grandmother
as a sensual being.

Those are the words
I wanted to hear.

Thanks for everything,
Coach.

That's right.
I am the coach.

But I stand in the shadow
of a great man, Coach Mellor.

A great man who doesn't always
appreciate the crucial role

that guidance counseling
can play in athletic success.

But nevertheless, I am honored
to call him my best friend...

At work.

Let's win this one
for Coach Mellor.

ALL: Yeah!

LAINEY:
Glascott stepped out
onto that mat

and coached his team
the best way he knew how.

Ronnie, remember
to love yourself,

no matter
how this turns out!

I'm a work
in progress, Coach!

[GRUNTING]

LAINEY: Glascott couldn't wait to share the good news with Mellor,

that he and the wrestlers
had won the trophy
just for him.

You won this for me?
Are you crazy?

Why are you yelling?
I thought you'd be happy.

Happy? I couldn't turn
those kids into winners,

and you do it in two days?

I'm so mad right now!

Look, all I did was focus
on the missing ingredients

that your team is
in desperate need of.

Creatine?
The answer better be creatine.

Emotional healing.

It's creatine of the mind.

They don't need
any of that.

They need to work
on their duck-unders,
their single-legs,

their double-legs,
their half-Nelsons.No Nelsons.

I just had them wrestle
with their personal issues.

[CHUCKLES]
Someone had to do it.

That someone is me,
and I help them plenty
with that stuff.

Do you?

Weasel, go!

My parents
are going through this,
like, really bad break-up,

and I just feel
like it's all my fault.

Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna pretend
none of this was said.

And give me
some frog squats.

Everybody knows
that frog squats

are the cure
for body and mind.

Can I give you
a little advice,
coach to coach?

No, because
you're not a coach.

My trophy says otherwise.

This is not your trophy.

This is my trophy,
even though you won it.

Look, champ...

No, no, no.
Don't try to connect to me
by using sports lingo.

I know that my more
hands-on method

is a little scary
for you...

No, don't sit backwards
in the chair like you're cool

and relatable
so I open up to you.

Come on, big guy.
Let's dig into those feelings.

My feelings are locked
and sealed

behind a solid wall of muscle
that is my torso.

We both know a great coach

teaches more than just
wrestling moves, ace.

You're not a coach,
and I'm not good

at talking about feelings
and problems.

You don't have to be good.

You just have to be there
for 'em, slugger.

What if I can't be?

We both know that
if anyone can do it,

it's you,
Sporty McSportperson.

You run out of nicknames?

Yes. I have.

LAINEY:
As Mellor was letting
Glascott's advice sink in,

C.B. was hoping his own advice had worked on me.

Finally doing that
practice test, I see.

Yeah. And you're right.
I actually think
I did pretty good.

I don't doubt that
for a second.

Let's see
what we got here.

Shoop. Magic.
[CHUCKLES]

"Draw the food pyramid."

And then you just drew
a bunch of apples
into a pyramid.

Nailed it.

"When did the Cold War end?"
"When it got hot."

That one's my fave.

"Name the four oceans."

"Jack, Chrissy, Janet,
Mr. Roper"?

I love that show.

"What is pi?"
And then you drew pie.

Boom.
I'm a genius, right?

"Describe the Big Bang."
"Really loud."

How'd I do?

Well, if it's a test
for sarcasm and spite,

then you aced it.

Aw. My first A-plus.

Oh, your answers
are so creative
and infuriating.

You could've just spent
the time studying.

You would've
actually passed.

More like failed.

Look, when I was
a student here,

taking tests and memorizing
stuff was not my thing.

It's not the '80s, Lainey.

There's a ton of ways now
to help people
who learn differently.

Sounds like a nicer way
to just say I'm a dummy.

No. You're just as smart
as everyone else.

You just need to find
another way of learning
that works best for you.

Or I just stick
to music.

That's the one thing
that always comes easy

and always
makes sense to me.

Well, I believe you can do
much more than that.

Maybe it's time to stop
believing in me.

♪♪

I had given up on wanting
to become a substitute

and was back to focusing
on the one thing

I was already qualified to
teach... Music.

[BAND PLAYING
FAST JAZZ MUSIC]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Wow! See what happens
when you don't give up?

I mean, do I feel bad for
bribing some of you guys

to help me give up
when I found
something challenging?

100%, yes.

But this isn't about me
and how much I suck.

It's about how you guys
are hot like wasabi

when you bust rhymes.

C.B.: That sounded
pretty spicy to me.

I'd put it on my burrito,

which apparently means
"small donkey."

Listen,
I really hate the idea

of you missing
that test tonight.

I love that
you care so much,

but what's the point
if I'm not even gonna pass?

You're obviously unfamiliar

with the CB "Jam
while you cram"
study technique.

Okay, guys,
let's do a rehearsal.

One, two, three.

[MARCHING BAND PLAYS
BARENAKED LADIES' ONE WEEK] ♪ It is Denver, Colorado

♪ And California... That's got Sacramento

♪ Honolulu, Hawaii-i

♪ Utah's where you'll find Salt Lake City

♪ How can I help you, Lainey, figure out these capitals?

♪ I wanna teach you Columbus, Ohio

♪ I'm the kinda guy who loves to go to Madison

♪ Don't understand
where that is?

♪ Wisconsin

♪ These are
the state capitals

♪ Where is Boise? It's right there in Idaho

♪ Phoenix, Arizona

♪ And Harrisburg is right here in Pennsylvania

♪ Massachusetts is Boston

♪ And you know that Texas is Austin

♪ And maybe we can visit Albany

♪ To celebrate you passing this geography? ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]
Wow.

You made yourself look like
a total jackass just for me?

Well, I... I...
Well, I thought
I looked pretty awesome.

You said you're not much
for memorizing facts.

How about lyrics?

That, I can do.

Thanks, C.B.

It's important to remember

that learning
isn't just for students.

We teachers have to keep
growing, too.

And even though
it may seem tough at times,

all you really need is the right person to guide you.

My God, she's glorious.

You got yourselves one heck
of a trophy there, boys.

It's all thanks to you,
Coach G.

It's Mr. G.
You got your real coach back.

♪ ...getting to the point
where we have ♪

Ronnie, wait.
♪ Almost made amends ♪

I know you've been
wrestling

with some family problems
lately.

Ah, nah, it's just dumb stuff
about my grandma.

Who raised you by herself
and is like a mom to you?Yeah.

When I was your age,
it was just me and my mom.

When she found someone new,
it was tough.

Wish I had someone
to talk to.

So, I'm here if you need me.
Always.

Thanks.

Well, look who finally
took a page

out of the John Glascott
playbook.

♪ I'll pick you up

♪ And if you court... ♪

Here.

Little thank you
for coaching me, coach.

Stop. All you've
ever wanted

was to have this trophy
in your case.

Yeah, well, I'd much rather
have it in your office.

You earned it... Champ.

Thanks, slugger.

♪ So, if you call

♪ I will answer

♪ If you fall

♪ I'll pick you up

♪ If you court... ♪
C.B.: Hi.

Looks like someone
earned their lollipop.

Holy crap!
I aced the test?

I've never done that before.

Well, like I said,
all you needed

was a different way
to learn.

Hey, CB?
Next time you see the teacher,

thank him for always
believing in me.

I'll let him know.

♪ Those crazy,
messed-up things
that you do

♪ If you ever... ♪
LAINEY: And so, the next time a teacher called in sick,

Glascott had
another substitute
he could rely on... Me.

♪♪

Hello, everybody,
I'm sitting here
with the real C.B.

Can you break dance?
Absolutely not.

So, I'm gonna teach you
the most basic stall.Okay.

So, you're gonna go
like this.

I know.
[CHUCKLES]

So, then, just like...
What?

Yeah. Okay, yeah, no,
that'll work.

That's actually
really cool.

You grab your foot...
Yeah.

...and then you...
Jump over it.

Oh, my God.
And freeze.

Hey, guys,
I got a fun idea.

We should go see
that new movie Outbreak.

A deadly virus
takes out a whole city?

[CHUCKLES]
Sound familiar?

I already saw it with Barry
before the flu
crushed this place.

It's too soon, dude.

I'm boycotting AMC
until they start letting me

use my ab-roller
in the aisle.

The real star
was that monkey.

Pretty sure it was Marcel
from Friends.

It was not Marcel
from Friends.

Why? Because he's known
for comedy?

You don't think Marcel
can cross over
into dramatic roles?

Marcel is a completely
different sub-species.

It's called acting, Wilma.

Tom Cruise isn't a vampire,
either.

Okay, look, this movie
has Dustin Hoffman
and maybe Marcel.

We gotta go.

[STOMACH GURGLES]

Was that you?

I don't think so.
Oh, no.

It's starting.
No, no. It's impossible.

I got confirmation from
Nurse Steve

that the school is...
[STOMACH GURGLES]

...clear and free
of that pesky ol' virus.

You don't look so good.

No, no. I feel great.
[CHUCKLES]

But I... I actually...
I... I gotta go real quick

and take care
of some urgent business.

Um, I'm gonna be gone for
possibly four to six days.

[STOMACH GURGLES]
Oh, no! Oh!

♪♪