All language subtitles for Schooled S02E04 Kick Like A Girl 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,
women's sports

had an unprecedented surge
in popularity,

and for good reason...
Those women
were kicking butt.

At William Penn,
the girls' soccer team
continued that trend.

* Ohhhh

* Hey, yo, it's time to get
the party started

* It don't take much for me
to Mardi Gras it

* And I'm fly regardless

LAINEY: Unfortunately,
the football team

was trending
in the opposite direction.

Aw, come on!

* Ready to mix,
and I'm ready to twist

Between the uprights!

* Tell me, baby,
is you ready for this?

* Are you ready for this?
* You ready for this?

We get zero points
for what you just did!

* Hey, hey
* Are you ready for this?

* Are you ready for this?

Whoa! Heads up!

* Hey *

Don't take it personally!

There's no way
he was aiming for you!

John, my football team's
season is in danger.

I need you to bring back
last season's kicker

and make him play
another year.

He graduated.
He's in the Coast Guard now.

You know damn well
nobody respects

maritime law enforcement
more than me,

but my season
is on the line.

Rick, I don't have time
for your impossible whims.

Okay, fine.
Then how about, instead,
you let me recruit

one of those
field-goal-kicking mules?

That's ridiculous.

Mules are way too stubborn
to work well on a team.

I'm good with mules.
Let me coach him up!

Well, what about
the exorbitant costs

of altering
our current helmets

to fit his equine snout
and cute little mule ears?

How am I gonna win any games
if I can't kick field goals?

Wait. Actually, I do know
someone who might work.

Keep an eye
on number three.

Isn't that your niece
Felicia?

Are you suggesting
we put a girl on the
football team

dressed as a boy

until she dramatically
reveals that she's
actually a girl,

like in a reverse version
of the movie Ladybugs?

No.
It seems like you're
leaving a lot on the table.

Just put a girl
on the football team.

COACH: No way in hell.

(GROANS)
(CROWD GROANS)

Let's put a girl
on the football team!
(LAUGHS)

* One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life
and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was October 16th,
1990-something,

and I was on a mission.

Hey, Mr. Ball,
I heard you're
still looking

for volunteers
for that ski trip.
Indeed.

I would love to throw
my hat in the ring.

I am just going to remove
that hat from the ring

and gently toss it back
upon your head.

I'm happy to do it,
Mr. Ball.

No need to call me
"Mr. Ball."

Call me by my ski name,
"The Mogul King."

(IMITATES WHOOSHING)

I'll call you "Mogul King"
if it gets me a free ski trip.

Perfect. Got a couple
young rippers

gonna help me carve up
the fresh pow-pow.

How come these
nerds get to go
and I don't?

I can totally carve up
some fresh pow-pow.

Ms. Lewis, field trips
are notorious

for student misbehavior,

something you
may be familiar with.

Okay, I admit it.

I wasn't always
the most well-behaved student

on field trips.

You swam
in the reflecting pool
in Washington, D.C.

It's called a pool
for a reason.

You stole a buggy
in Amish country.

I needed to get
to the next town
to plug in a hair dryer.

I don't know what you did
at the Liberty Bell,

but William Penn is not
allowed there until 2025.

2125, actually.

The last thing I need

is a former bad student
on the ski trip

teaching those deviants
your old tricks.

I am not
that immature student

you used to send to detention
back when you were principal.

I'm a responsible
teacher now.

Um, you know, Mr. Ball,
Lainey's got a fair point.

She's different now.
Let her prove it.

Fine.

Ms. Lewis, you win.

Thanks.
You won't regret it.

Mm!

Appreciate the backup,
dude.
I meant it.

You're on your
way to being

almost as good
of a teacher as me.

Wait. What did you do
at the Liberty Bell?

I am not
at "liberty" to say.

(CHUCKLES)
Puns.

Seriously, the court said
I can't talk about it.

Now, remember,
Felicia can be
strong-willed

and uncompromising,
just like her uncle.

Her Uncle Charles,
not me.

I'm a total pushover.
(CHUCKLES)

John, I have
a bit of a bone to pick.

Any chance
it's with someone
other than me?

Why was The Female Eunuch
by Germaine Greer

rejected from
the reading list
for my class?

Because you teach
algebra?

Exactly.

Before my young
female scholars

can understand
complicated equations,

they need to understand
the barriers against excelling

that the patriarchy places
in their path.

Well, Liz,
I'm all for excelling,

as long as it doesn't
involve the word "eunuch."

Me too. You'll find
no bigger booster
of women learning math.

My tax guy... A gal,
and she smells terrific.

Hey! Felicia!
There's the niece
I was waiting to see.

Catch you later,
hottie.

What if I
catch you first?

Loving uncle here.

I'm just gonna laugh
until the uncomfortable
moment passes.

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

Felicia, we want to
ask you something.

Now, just keep
an open mind.

All right, shoot.
How would you

like to be the kicker
on the football team?

Sure.
You could be
a trailblazer.

All right.
Living history.

I said I'll do it.
Oh.

We thought you would
put up more of a fight.

Only girl on an all-boy
football team?

It's kinda punk rock.
(CHUCKLES)

Some people wanted a mule,
but we said, "No!

"Bring us the girl."

(GLASCOTT CHUCKLES)

Good kid, good kid,
nice kid, nerdy kid...

Oh, sorry...
And... No, no.

(CHUCKLES)
Double trouble.

Who? Us?
Uh, dur.

Yes, you.

Whatever
morally questionable

and totally epic thing
you're planning,

it's not happening
on my skip trip.

Sure.
No!

Don't wink like
we're on the same side.

I mean it.
Understood.

No!
Don't you wink, too.

Okay, got it...
No more winking.

Dudes,
I used to be you.

I know ski trips mean
hot tubs, hot toddies,

and filling your hollowed-out
ski poles with wine coolers.

Whoa! I never
thought about that.

Ignore what I said.

This ski trip is
for actual skiing only.

Got it?
That makes no sense.

Who just skis
on a ski trip?
LAINEY: You.

The reason
I'm on this trip

is to prove
I can actually be
a responsible teacher.

Ew. Don't do that.

Yeah. You're the only cool
teacher in this school.

Aww.
You guys think that?

Nope, nope. Don't care.
Get on the bus. Go.

Wow. You really do have
an eye for evil.

Well, it wouldn't
have been possible

if you hadn't
stuck up for me.

Eh, that's what
friends are for.

How about
we sit together
on the bus?

Save you a seat?
Sure.

Psst. Hey.
Yeah?

Are you sure
that Lainey's
not into you?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

She put her hand
on your arm for
a whole five seconds.

Oh, come on.
That didn't
mean anything.

**

Mm.

Tell me
that meant nothing.

Yeah,
that was pretty intimate.

Yeah, for me, too.

CB, you coming or what?

Yes.

(LAUGHS)
I told you so.

Stop it. Just... Please.
It... All right.

LAINEY: The whole ride up,
CB couldn't stop thinking
about what Coop had said.

(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Hey, guys, could you turn down
the volume just a little bit?

Don't want to wake up
Sleeping Beauty.

(BEEPING VOLUME DECREASES)

I called her that
'cause she's sleeping,

not 'cause she's a beauty.
(SNORING)

I mean, she is a beauty,
but she has a boyfriend, so...

His name's Barry,
and he's a doctor somehow.

I don't know.

I should stop anyway.
My hand's killing me.

Yeah, it's called
Nintendo thumb.

Here. Let me help.

LAINEY: The other thing
about ski trips was
all the teen romance.

I-I should probably return
this cable to Erin.

Good idea.
Mm-hmm.

Do it to it.
LAINEY: Or not.

(SIGHS)

Psst!
CB, come here.

It's an emergency.

(THUD)

What's up?

Normally I would never
go to a teacher with
this kind of stuff,

but you're, like,
very wise
and super worldly.

That I am, yeah.

I've ran with the bulls,
swam with the dolphins.

Um, the key to
being accepted
into their pod

is by bringing
a host gift,
like smelts.

I'm actually talking
about girls.

Ah. I've swum
with them, too.

Coed water polo team.

I worked the scoreboard,
but still counts.

Bend my ear.
What do you got?

I've been hanging
with Lana for like
three months,

and I-I-I really
want to kiss her,

but when the
moment's there,
I just chicken out.

Mm.

Sounds like
a classic case
of smooch block.

It has a name?

Yes.

Getting that first kiss
ain't easy.

(SNORING)
(CB SIGHS)

In some cases,
seems impossible,

but fear not,
Tom Scott.

It'll happen
when the time is right.

(CHUCKLES)

LAINEY: Turns out CB
wasn't just giving advice

about Tom Scott's
situation.

That was also advice
for himself.

Got your back, bro.

While CB was coaching
about matters of the heart,

Felicia was ready
to make William Penn
football history.

And, wow,
did she deliver.

(ALL CHEERING)
That's my girl!

And kept on delivering.

(ALL CHEERING)
Wow!

But with every kick,

Raday was starting
to see Felicia
as just one of the guys...

(TEAM CHEERING)

...and his crush on her
was fading away.

**

Alec?

GLASCOTT:
Great news, everyone.

The Jenkintown newspaper
wants to do a story

about Felicia
joining the football team.
Yes!

I'm quitting
the football team.

No!
Why?

What's the problem?

I'm just not
into it anymore.

Is it the uniforms?
Are they too boyish?

We could re-hem the pants.

We'll give the...
The pants pockets.
Women love pockets.

The uniforms are fine.

Felicia, you have a gift.
You should be celebrating it.

I don't want
to overstate this,

but you are literally
the most important woman
in William Penn history.

Pennsylvania history.

Gertrude Stein
and Patti LaBelle
can suck my big toe.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

I'm done.

LAINEY: After my
early morning
shakedown,

Earl Ball had
started seeing me

more as a good teacher
instead of a bad student,

and I was determined
to keep it that way.

Aha.
The hijinks brigade.

And where do you think
you're going?

Oh, we were just gonna
head down to the fire pit.

And we're only drinking
lemonade.

Don't worry, Mr. Ball.
I got my eyes on these kids.

Seems like your
bad-student past is
but a distant memory.

Well, if you'll
excuse me,

The Mogul King
is about to get
crispy on the slopes.

(PAGER BEEPS)

Everybody's
down by the fire pit.

We should head out.
Hold on there, Piper.

I didn't want to
bring this up in
front of Ball, but...

Alcoholic lemonade?
Really?

Me trusting you guys
is the only reason
you're even on this trip,

and this
is how you repay me?

You know this is grounds
for suspension, right?

Come on, Ms. Lewis.

We've heard all
about your crazy stories.

You played Hells Bells
on the Liberty Bell.

How do you know that?

Yeah,
you've made mistakes,

and obviously
we have, too.

Can you please
just give us
one more chance?

Okay. But no more
screw-ups, all right?

Just keep it to marshmallows
and campfire songs,

and the only
touching allowed

is handshakes
and high fives.

Get out of here.

Boy, being a good teacher
is stressful.

I think I deserve
a little contraband.

(SPITS)

What the hell?
This is just
regular lemonade!

**

No problem, Lainey.

All right, I'll see you
down there. Bye.

(RECEIVER CLACKS)

Down where?

Uh, the lounge.
She wants to talk.

Do you have any idea
what happens down
at the lounge?

Lounging?
Misbehavior.

Look, Coop,
you want something
to happen

that is just not
gonna happen.

Lainey doesn't have
those feelings for me,

so it's not like she's sitting
down in the lounge...

Mm-hmm.
...waiting to have some crazy
make-out session with me.

Mm.
So just let it go.

I'm gonna go down there,

gonna have a nice,
casual hangout session

with a nice
platonic friend, okay?
Okay.

Hey, Lainey.

How are ya?

It's me in the lounge
with you.

Drink this.

Straight down to it, huh?

(CHUCKLES)

Mm.

That is not very hard
for hard lemonade.

That's because there's
no alcohol in it.

Piper and those
other little bastards

knew my coolness
was my weak spot
and exploited it.

Oh. So this is
about the kids?

I'm gonna punch Coop
right in the face.

So now they're out partying
and I have no idea where.

Wait. Benji's using a pager,
just like Piper was.

I bet they're talking
to each other.

I'm gonna go
confiscate it.
Wait. Wait, no.

Hold on 'cause
he'll just tip them off.

I have an idea.
Watch. Ready?
Okay.

I love the beam work,
don't you?
Yeah.

It's really fascinating...
Oh! Oh!

I'm so sorry, Benji.

No problem, Mr. Brown.
You okay?

Yeah. I'm going
to the fire pits.

Okay. Take care.
Have a great day.

Ta-da!

How did you do that?

I played
The Artful Dodger

in the camp production
of Oliver, m'lady.

All right.
All we have to do
is message Alex Piper

and get him to tell us
where the party is.

No, he's not gonna
respond to you,

but he will respond
to Benji.

"Yo, Pipe-dawg."

Absolutely not.
I'm erasing this.

That's...harsh.

LAINEY: Meanwhile, Glascott
and Mellor brought
Liz up to speed

on Felicia quitting football,

knowing she'd have
some great advice.

You gotta be
(BLEEP) kidding me.

That poor child
is obviously upset

because you pressured her
to abandon women's sports

for the honor of playing
on the boys' team.

Exactly!
It's a big promotion.

And it gives hope
to all the other girls

that someday
they may be good enough
to play with the boys.

You gotta be
(BLEEP) kidding me.

I think Felicia
went back to soccer

because she felt guilty

for abandoning
her sisters of the grass.

And you just assumed
that the football team

is automatically
more important.

Well,
we do have cheerleaders
and a marching band.

Plus a snack bar
that stays open
the whole game.

We even added
walking tacos.

You gotta be
(BLEEP) kidding me.

Wh...

LAINEY: Glascott and Mellor
took Liz's keen feminist
insight...

And ignored it
in favor of a bribe.

What's this?

A gift certificate
to the Spaghetti Shack.

Used to be a Radio Shack.
They just changed the sign.

You and Felicia have
a reservation there tonight.

Felicia?
Wait. What?

Yes. Felicia.

Turns out that your icky
budding relationship
is very important to her.

So, in order to get her
back on the team,

we need you
to take her out.

I-I don't know.

What do I say is the most
important quality

for a player to have?

To be big and strong
like Ronnie?

Also to be a team player.

A team player who would
like to make two very
powerful friends?

That's us, by the way.

(GULPS)

To the good times
and the thick sauces

of the Spaghetti Shack.

I can't believe that Alex
had the balls

to throw a rager
right in the middle
of the damn ski lodge.

How could he be
so stupid?

'Cause the last time
you caught him with booze,

you just took it and drank it
immediately yourself.

Wrong. (SCOFFS)
I spit it out 'cause
it wasn't booze.

You got me there.

(SNIFFS) Why do you
smell like a mom?

Oh, it's ck one.
It's a unisex cologne.

Doesn't matter.

Just go in there,
lay down the law.
I got your back.

Or you go lay down the law,
and I get your back.

My God. I thought
this was about proving
you're actually responsible.

Ugh! You're right.

I just got to accept
the fact

that I'm a buzzkill adult
who the cool kids hate.

What you're describing
is a teacher.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

CB, I've been
looking for you
everywhere.

Oh, can it wait, pal?

'Cause I'm...
I'm in the middle
of something.

No. It's a kiss-related
emergency.

I'll just be
one quick sec.

This morning at breakfast,

I thought I finally
had my shot with Lana.

Mm.
We were both
getting waffles

and reached for the syrup
at the exact same time.

Uh-huh.
Our eyes met,
and it was on.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
Now they're just openly
blasting awesome techno music.

Are you coming or not?
I'll be right behind you.

Okay, okay. Turn off that
contagious beat right now.

You are so busted.

Look who it is...
Our favorite teacher,
Ms. Lewis!

Ba-ba-ba-ba. I know
that's a boozy lemonade
in your hand.

What? No, it's...
It's literally not.

I already told you.
There's nothing
going on here.

There's
a margarita station.

It's a healthy
smoothie station.

And beer pong!
Apple juice pong.

And a mob of
sketchy frat dudes

in the middle
of a keg stand.

(MEN GRUNT)

Okay. Fine.

My cousin Gary
hooked us up

when I realized
you weren't gonna
buy us beer.

Why would you ever think
I'd buy you beer?

Because even though
you're a teacher,

you're still, like,
one of us.

Not anymore.

One week suspension.

No!
What?

You're not winking.
Why aren't you winking?

No wink this time.
You said it yourself...

You used to be us.

Yeah, but you know what
I really needed back then?

A teacher like me now
to set me straight

so I could actually
learn something useful
in high school

and not just how
to raise hell.

Can you please
stop keg-standing

as I get through
to these kids?

My God, you suck,
cousin Gary.

**

Uh, hey, Felicia.

Um, hey, Alec.

Would you like to go
on a date with me?

Wait.
Are you serious?

Mm-hmm.

I totally thought things
had gotten weird between us.

Weird? What? Why?
No, no, no.
I-I-I want to.

This is my decision
and no one else's.

What are you looking at?

**

Did you guys
put him up to this?

We were just
trying to help.

By totally humiliating me?

We were trying to
fix things so you'd
come back to football.

That's what
this is about?

Me kicking for
your stupid team?

You should be ashamed
of yourselves.

What were you thinking,
Uncle John?

Felicia, I was just...
No.

You don't talk
to me anymore.

You need to find
a new kicker,

and you need to find
a new niece.

**

LAINEY: But that wasn't
the only disaster going on.

So, then I thought,
"What if I propose to her?

"Then everybody would clap.
Then she'd have to kiss me."

No. Do not do that.
That's...

Hey. I'm sorry.

I-I... I'm still here
if you need help.

I figured it out.
See you in the
morning, buddy.

CB, come on.

The trip's almost over.
What should I do?

I don't know, man.
Give up?

Maybe you're just destined
to be the nice guy

who she uses as a pillow

when she wants
to dream about
her real boyfriend.

I'm not following.

What I mean is,
when it comes to romance,

I can't teach you
anything, okay?

So do yourself a favor

and ask anyone else
in the world but me.

**

LAINEY: After
disappointing Felicia,

Mellor and Glascott knew
they had to make things
right.

Sorry to interrupt
your practice,

but we'd like to talk
to my superstar niece,
if you don't mind.

FELICIA: Get him!
Whoa!

GLASCOTT: Good Lord!

We just want...
Hold on!
Can you please stop?

How dare you?
Just give us a moment.

Sisters,
I love your power,
but remember,

the non-child-bearing gender

doesn't have
our tolerance
for pain.

Thank you,
Ms. Flemming!

And I'm sure the balls
thank you

for saving them
from this brick wall
that is my body.

I'm just here to endorse
your decision

to stay with
the Lady Quakers

and not let these two
pressure you into
playing football.

We're not here
to pressure her.

We came to apologize,
Felicia.

We just want to support you
and encourage you

to do whatever you choose.

I really liked
being kicker,

but then Raday
started acting all weird.

Wait. You quit the team
because of that dumb boy?

Yeah. I just figured
if high-school boys

were gonna
start acting
all stupid,

then I might as well
just keep playing soccer.

I'm sorry,
but you can't let
what some guy thinks

stop you from a groundbreaking
opportunity to play football.

Wait. Is she
on our side now?

I'm on the side
of women standing
up for themselves

and achieving
their potential.

And if that young man
made you doubt yourself
in any way,

then you use
that golden foot
to kick him to the curb.

You're right.
Thank you, Ms. Flemming.

LAINEY: And with that,
Felicia was back on the team.

You got a problem
with me being on the team?

No. Maybe.

You are so weak.
You lost out to a girl.
Boo-hoo.

Look, if you can't handle
me being a better
athlete than you,

then that's your problem,
not mine.

LAINEY: Changing how
the world sees you

happens one person
at a time,

but what matters most is that
we stay true to ourselves

because
when we shine bright...

(THE VERVE'S BITTER SWEET
SYMPHONY PLAYING)

...those who
care about us most
shine right along with us.

You just need the courage
to put yourself out there

and do your very best

because that's how you truly
change the game.

(AIR BRAKES HISS)

Oh. Thank God
that's over.

Are you coming?

Uh, give me a sec.

LAINEY: As for CB,
he finally knew what
advice to give Tom Scott.

Hey, man.

I just want to say
I'm sorry
for freaking out.

Doesn't matter.
I lost my chance.

Ski trip's over.

Look, maybe I don't
have much to teach
when it comes to romance,

but the one thing
I do know...

Life sucks when
you're too afraid

to tell someone
how you really feel.

**

* No change, I can't change,
I can't change, I can't change

TOM: Lana, wait.

* But I'm here in my mold,
I am here in my mold

I really, really like you.

I-I like you, too.

So, that means
we like each other.

So, now what?

Now I'd like to kiss you.

* No, no, no, no, no, no, no

LAINEY: It turns out
that courage takes
a lot of different forms.

But sometimes being
brave is the only way
you can find love

and the only way
that love can find you.

All you got to do is just be
willing to take a chance.

* But tonight
I'm on my knees, yeah

Hi, Lainey.
Um, can we talk
for a sec?

Can it wait till Monday?

Being a responsible buzzkill
is, like, super draining.

Still counts.
I'm proud of you.

I didn't know saying goodbye
to being one of the cool kids
would be so hard.

I'm really gonna miss
the old me who raised hell.

Well,
I think the new you
is pretty amazing.

* No change, I can't change,
I can't change, I can't change

(SINGSONG VOICE)
Lainey!

Barry?

Don't be mad.
I know you hate surprises.

* And I'm a million
different people

* From one day to the next

* I can't change my mold,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no *

You okay?

CB: No, but...
(BOTH LAUGHING)

...on the bright side,
I helped Tom Scott with Lana.

Wait. You did that?

Yeah. I had no choice.

Stupid kid was gonna propose
to her. (CHUCKLES)

**

I'm the real Tom Scott,

and I did actually marry
my high-school girlfriend,

Lana Eisenstein.

(CHUCKLES)

And it did take him
forever to kiss me.

That is sad
and so true.
(LAUGHS)

Excellent chaperone work,
Ms. Lewis.

I'll see you
on the D.C. trip.

I think Earl Ball
just called me
a good teacher.

Also, his face is gonna peel
like a mother.

He looks like
a Thanksgiving turkey

with extra
cranberry sauce.

He looks like
a red panda.

He looks like
a cherry Push Pop.

He looks
like a Wawa hot dog.

He looks
like a newborn.

Have you ever seen
one of those?

Yeah.

Thanks for helping me
find the kids.

You got it.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Ooh, boy.

(SIGHS)

That was a pretty
intimate high five.

Shut up, Coop.