All language subtitles for Schooled S02E02 Ill Be There For You 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,
there was no other
TV phenomenon like Friends.

Everybody wished
they knew them,

or in some cases,
wanted to be them.

(AS JOEY)
How you doin'?

(AS CHANDLER) Can you
be any more like Joey?

Joey only says that
to girls.

I don't...
I don't know any girls.

The faculty
was equally as riveted
watching these Friends,

who always had
each other's backs.

Barry and I watched
the whole episode together
on the phone.

Bonkers that's
still happening.

All the choices
along the course
of your life,

to end up
back at Goldberg.

He may live
500 miles away

studying to become
a fancy radiologist,

but I've never felt
more connected to him.

Everything I see
reminds me of him.

Like, Coop's grapes
remind me of the time

I fed him on a picnic
this summer.

I've seen what that boy
does to fruit.

It's disgusting.

Uh, you gonna get that?
I can't reach
under the fridge.

Yeah, but it's gonna
rot down there.
Who cares?

God, Coop,
stop being such a Monica.

Boy Monica's got a point.

You leave that grape
under there,

it's gonna ferment
and create wine,

intoxicating the mice.

Can't have drunk mice
running around here.

I will simply
lift this fridge

and you come
and grab the grape.

Okay.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)

One...

(GRUNTS, BONES CRACKS)
Ow!

My back!
(GRUNTS)

Damn it, mice!
You win again! (GRUNTS)

* One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life
and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was October 2nd,
1990-something,

and our school librarian
had a zero-tolerance policy
for nonsense.

Toys are forbidden
in my library!

He just said
his first word
in Furbish!

(MOCKING GIBBERISH)

No canoodling
amongst the stacks,

you hormonal monsters.

Are we in
the cafeteria?

Am I wearing
a hair net? No!

Yep, Dr. Ness
was a hothead,

but the other teachers had
kind of gotten used to it.

WILMA: Call security.

There's a crazy man
in the library

having
a nervous breakdown.

Does he have fantastic skin
and an ear-piercing scream?

That pretty much
nails it, yes.

That's just Randall Ness,
the doctor of library arts.

Are you saying
he's always like this?

Yeah. Yeah.
Pretty much.

So, you guys are okay
with him throwing books?

Ah, mostly paperback,
very few encyclopedias.

Mm-hmm.
Okay.

Maybe it's
none of my business.

I'll just have my students
wear hard hats

when they visit
the library.

Well, clearly Ness
is going through
something.

Maybe it's just
a cry for help.

Seems more like a cry
for him to be fired,

but I'll leave that
entirely up to you.

I mean,
you are the boss.

Well, I do have that plaque
on my desk that says,

"The buck stops here."
(CHUCKLES)

And I have that other
plaque that says,

"You don't have
to be crazy
to work here,

"but it sure helps."

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Well, John,
I'd also like
to remind you

that you were
a former guidance
counselor,

bound by
the Counselor Code.

Is that code for wanting
to avoid confrontation?

No.

It means we don't fire,
we talk.

We don't
send people packing.

Instead,
we do some yakking.

We need to get to the root
of Ness' growing rage

and help him fix it.

It's time to put away
the firing tools...

BOTH: And take out
the compassion wrench.

LAINEY: So, Glascott set off
to fix Dr. Ness,

while I was dealing with
a bit of a broken coach.

How's your back feel,
Rick?

Well, if I cling
to the A.V. cart,

I can wheel myself
to the bathroom.
Oh, man.

Someone needs
to drive you home.

Who is your
emergency contact?

Wait.
Susan Cinoman?

Well,
if you must know,

Susan and I have, um,
sort of a thing.

Shut up.

I didn't know you guys
were seeing each other.

It's more of a rich,
unspoken history.

I guess you could say
we're the Ross and Rachel
of William Penn. (CHUCKLES)

I am so happy
for you guys.

A-And a little bit
weirded out.

Well, I mean,
we haven't shared
an evening together for...

Seven years,

so I guess you could say
we're on a break.

Just like
Ross and Rachel.

Although seven years
is kind of a long break.

Well, you can't rush
these things.

Well,
maybe you should.

You almost died
grabbing that grape.

Trust me,
Barry and I were apart

for way too many years.

If you knew what it was like
to be with a soul mate,

you wouldn't waste another
second without your Barry.

I gotta go find Susan.
Oh, my God.

Lewis, wait!
(BONE CRACKS)

Ow! Body,
you betray me!

(GRUNTS)

I'm sorry.
Coach who?
Coach coach.

The one
and only coach.
Craig T. Nelson?

Is he here?

No.
Coach Mellor.

Oh. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Him.

Oh, gosh.
(CHUCKLES)

That was a long time ago,
and it was nothing.

What?
It was just a fling.

Besides, he is
completely closed off,

and I make
physical amore,

but I also make
emotional amore

and spiritual amore.

Please stop saying "amore."

I think it's safe to say
Coach Mellor may be

under a different
impression
about you two,

but I'll let you guys
work that out

on the way home.
What way home?

You have to drive him
to his apartment. You're
his emergency contact.

Oh. Can't.

We've got
Man of La Mancha
coming up,

and there is
a lot of conquistador armor

in the passenger seat
of my Miata.

Sorry.
(SIGHS)

Thanks for the ride,
Lainey Lewis.

Weird how Susan
was M.I.A.

I guess she thought
she couldn't keep her hands
off me on the way home.

(CHUCKLES)
Uh-huh.

I think I have to
tell you something.

It's about you
and Cinoman.

Turns out
she doesn't exactly think

you guys are like
Ross and Rachel.

More like, uh,
Monica and Chandler?
I'll take it.

Or it's possible you
and Cinoman aren't
on the same show.

She may be on Wings.

Oh.

I see.

I'm so sorry.
Nah, it's all right.

I guess
deep down inside,

I knew I was
being unrealistic

about a relationship
with Susan.

But a couple years
go by and I...

You don't want to admit
to yourself

that you're (CHUCKLES)
basically completely alone.

Coach...
No, it's okay.

I'll just go back to
my previous
emergency contact,

a guy
who never lets me down...

Mr. Rick Mellor.

You know what?

I think it's a blessing
we know this about Cinoman.

Now you can move
on with your life
and find your Barry.

Don't you want
a special Barry
for yourself?

I might, if you stop
calling it a "Barry."

And what if
she's not out there?

Of course
she's out there.

And I'm gonna
help you find her.

You'd do that for me?
It'd be the least
I could do.

Okay.

I'm open to it.

Great. Now, I'm gonna
give you a couple
days to recover

and then we'll start
finding your special...

Let's find me a woman,
Lainey Lewis!

Meet me in my office!

Wow.
He heals fast.

GLASCOTT: Hey.

Headed to the library.

About to Counselor Code
it up with Dr. Ness.

What are you gonna
hit him with?

Well, I thought
I'd start with the
old "Tap n' Talk."

You know... Mm.

Nice.

Then I'm gonna propose
a weekly steam session.

Which of course
doesn't involve
a steam room,

just letting off
some steam.

You know it.

I've also had a lot of luck
with assigning a rage journal,

if you want
to give that a shot.

Ooh. I'm calm
just holding this.

(CHUCKLES)
It's all yours.

Good luck.

I won't need it.

When I'm done
with him,

this guy's gonna be
mentally healthy
as (BLEEP).

(CHUCKLES) That's what
I like to hear, Principal.

**

Hey, Randy.
What's shakin', bacon?

My dog,
if you must know.

He has
a neurological disorder.

Oh, well,
that's so sad.

Hey, you know
what else is sad?

Is when people
are scared to come
to the library.

Oh (CHUCKLES) is this
about when I turned
over that bookshelf?

No, I had not
heard about that,

but I am here to chat
with you about
a few things,

like throwing books,
uh, yelling at the
students...

You think
I'm the problem?

Those snot-nosed kids
are the damn problem.

No one is saying
that there's a problem.

Get your hand
off of me.

I was just doing
the Tap n' Talk.

But maybe talking
isn't what you need.

Maybe what you need
is to express your feelings
with this rage journal.

Huh.

That's a great idea,
John.

Express my feelings
with this rage journal.

Like... This!

Whoa!

I have to fire Ness.

What a great decision
you came up with
entirely on your own.

Thank you.
CB: He is a person, John.

He has a mother
and a favorite
ice-cream flavor

and a dog that he threw
a birthday party for,

which I attended
and had so much fun.

You could try
water therapy,

as long as you're both
comfortable in bathing
suits together.

Pool or tank?
Please ignore CB.

You're the person
we're all looking to
for decisive action here.

You have to stop
viewing Ness
as a human being.

He's a man-shaped problem
in a tweed blazer
who needs to go.

How can you be
so heartless?

Right?
No, I want to
know how.

I tried to get through to him
and give him a second chance,
but he refused.

Wilma Howell,
teach me how
to be heartless.

A lot of my kids
have this same trouble

separating their emotions
from their work.

Why don't you pop by
my biology lab today?

Sounds fun.
Yeah.

You're gonna cut open
a cute little froggy.

Oh.

In this first column,
I've written down

all the places
to meet women
in our community,

and on this side,
I've listed all
the places you go.

Good news.
One match.
MELLOR: No!

Absolutely not.

Fitness club is where
I focus on this temple.

I can do a standing jump
on this table right now.

That means
I don't need
a running start.

I cannot train my body
to do that kind of thing
while I'm flirting.

You wanna see me jump?

I most certainly
do not.

Okay. Your loss.
What else you got?

That's your only
option, buddy.

Do you really not go
to the grocery store?

Where do you buy
your food?

The neighborhood
farm plot.

You want to get the kind of
ruby-red I get in a beet?

You got to
grow it yourself.

Then we can ask around
and find some people
to set you up with?

If you give it time,
you will absolutely
find someone.

It seems so difficult.
If only finding a mate
was as efficient

as recruiting
a ball player.

I get these guys
in front of me,
and within five minutes,

I can tell
if they're Mellor material.

Yeah,
I'm not sure...

Wait a second.
That actually exists.

**

Let's find you
a new recruit.

**

LAINEY: Principal Glascott
knew he needed
to fire Dr. Ness,

but he needed a little
bit of practice first

at being
a little more ruthless.

Now, no more dawdling.
Time to cut and gut.

This is hard,
knowing that this frog
had a family and a name.

(CHUCKLES)
Its name was
Sample 27.

I bet
he went by Sampley.

You're not helping,
CB.

I'm helping remind you
who you are, John.

I'm helping you be
a better leader.

Okay, everyone just
stop talking.

I'm doing this.

(AS KERMIT THE FROG)
Don't hurt me.

I play the banjo
and I'm in love
with Miss Piggy.

Ooh.

John, this frog
is not Kermit.

Kermit's not even Kermit.

He's just felt
and a man's hand.

In a moment like this,

it's best to
separate yourself
from your feelings,

like I have to
whenever
CB starts talking.

(NORMAL VOICE)
That's rude.

I'm sorry.
I just can't turn off
my emotions like that.

Good.

Emotions are
what make you you, John.

Or are your emotions
holding you back?

This is for
the greater good, John.

You're right.

I'm head of school now.

Head of schools cut frogs.

Metaphorically.

(SQUELCHING)

(ALL GROAN)

I hope Sampley haunts you
from the grave.

LAINEY: I had convinced Coach
that speed-dating

was the perfect venue
to find a quick match,

but he may have taken
the quick part
a little too seriously.

I weigh a buck-85.
How about you?

You ever live on a boat?

Is that a wig,
or is that your real hair?

What's your favorite
kind of squat?

**

Oh, no.
What is he doing?

Mellor!

(MOUTHING)

You a fan of beet juice?

Winter Olympics
or Summer Olympics?

Don't think,
just answer.

Talk to me about your paternal
grandmother's medical history.

(BELL DINGS)

We need to talk.

Whoa! I didn't see you
pay the registration fee.

I'm not
speed-dating you, dummy.
I'm here to coach you.

You can't just
ask these women

about their body mass
and root-vegetable intake.

Why? If there are
deal-breakers,

it's best everybody
knows about them now.

Slow down and try
and have a real conversation.

Listen to what
these women are saying.

Well,
if they're expressing

that they don't like
that their BMI is in
the "warning" range,

I can't say
that I blame them.

I know this seems crazy,

but this is a real opportunity
for you to meet someone,

and I want that
for you.

I want it, too.
But I'm...

Scared?

Yeah.
I get that,

but you're only going
to get out of this
what you put into it.

Show them
you're vulnerable.

I don't know
how to do that.

You just did when
you admitted
you were scared.

You're looking for a partner,
not a football recruit.

Put Coach on the sideline
and be Rick.

Okay. Game on.

I m... I mean,
normal conversation on.

(BELL DINGS)
Okay.

How you doing?
I'm Rick.
Samantha.

How you doing, Samantha?
A-Actually,
I'm really nervous.

Well, you know what?
I'm really nervous, too.

So, maybe we'll just be
really nervous together.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

**

Yes.

GLASCOTT: Hey, Wilma.

Guess who's fired up
and eager to get in there

with absolutely no qualms
and fire Dr. Ness?

This guy.

How long
have you been
standing there?

Uh,
about 45 minutes.

And I can't waste
any more time.

I've already missed
one important meeting,

but I guess
that was good

for the kid
who set the flag on fire.

We've gone over this.

Switch off your emotions
for the greater good.

Why does
the female praying mantis

bite off the male's head
while mating?

Oh, my God.
They actually do that?

I'm gonna guess
for the greater good.

Correct.

His death spasms
increase the odds
of successful procreation.

Gross.

All right,
cleansing breath, John.

Let's get in there
and do this.

No cleansing breath!
Ooh!

Go eat his damn head!
Ah!

That is a lot of money
to be spending
on a Weimaraner.

(CHUCKLES)

But if the surgery buys me
a few extra months,

then I just gotta
get him to his next
birthday. (CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)
I can't do this.

All right, thanks.

The library's closed.

Dr. Ness, there is
no easy way to say this,

but in light
of your behavior,
I have to.

First of all,
I want to thank you

for all the work you've done
here at William Penn.

Wait, wait, hold on.

It... It... It sounds like
you're firing me.

As principal, I need to run
the best school possible,

and you've become toxic.

You can't do this.
(CHUCKLES)

I'm a doctor
of library sciences.

You're just a...

Mister with
some bachelor's degree.

Dr. Ness,
you're fired.

Are you crying?

(VOICE BREAKING) No.

**

(SIGHS)

This is so exciting.

The proctor is tallying up
all the matches.

I really got into it
at the end there.

Good. I bet
you and Samantha matched.

Well, she loves beets
as much as I do.

I told you
not to talk about beets.

The conversation
just naturally went there.

This is yours.

And yours.

Oh, no, no, no.
I wasn't even...

Oh, wow. 10?

(CHUCKLES)
How'd you do?

Uh, well, I got none.
(CHUCKLES)

What?
No, that can't be right.

I hate Samantha.

Well, that's that.
It was good fun.

Um...
Let's go to a bar.

I'm a fantastic wing woman.

Eh, I, uh...

I got some stuff
I gotta do.

You know
what I was thinking?

You know those dating shows
like Studs or Singled Out?

I bet you would be great
on one of those.

Lainey, just stop, okay?
I-It just didn't work.

I don't want to
date anybody
anymore, okay?

No, it's not
okay, Rick.

Don't you get it?

I was happier pretending
that I had somebody in my life

than confirming the fact
that I'm not compatible
with anyone.

I'm closing my heart
for good.

No.
Rick, come on.

Not everybody gets
to be happy in love,
Lainey Lewis.

**

(SIGHS)

LAINEY: After firing
his problem librarian,

Glascott had a new problem,
extreme guilt.

But he had a plan
to make things better.

(SIGHS)

I got your message.

What do you need
to talk about?

To be honest, it's kind
of weird for me
to be here since...

You fired me.

Fired you as a librarian,
but that doesn't mean

I can't hire you
to help organize my office.

Look at this place.

I really let it get
away from me.
(CHUCKLES)

I need your help,
at $7 an hour.

I have two Masters
and a doctorate.

So... $7.50?

But look, at that rate,
you're gonna have to

come by my house
and do some landscaping,

or maybe
some light painting.

Right now,
my kitchen is
in powder blue,

but I would love
to see it in periwinkle.

**

We need to talk.

I'm not sure we do.

Rick, I know it's hard
to open yourself up,

but it's better
than living your whole life
closed off to love.

Who needs love when
you've got SportsCenter
and a Bowflex?

Come on. Would you
tell a kid to stop
playing sports

because he lost
one game?

That's easy for you to say.
You have Barry.

You don't know anything
about love being... Hard.

That's where
you're wrong.

I know I always talk about
how great it is,

but it's been really hard
having Barry so far away.

You know the other night
when I said

we were watching Friends
on the phone together?

Yeah.
Well, the truth is,
he fell asleep.

He doesn't love
Friends like I do.

He likes
Suddenly Susan
better.

Well,
that is a problem.

All relationships
are challenging,

but they're worth it.

And you're really missing out
if you're not willing to try.

Well, how do you
propose I try?

Well,
just keep this open.

Might not happen fast,
but be ready when it does.

And don't be afraid
to show her who
you really are.

**

Look, John, I-I-I see
what you're trying to do.

(SIGHS)
I just feel so awful.

Firing you
was very hard on me.

I-I just hate
the thought

of putting you out
on the street.

Truth is,
I'm glad you fired me.

It was
a big wake-up call.

I was angry,
burned out.

Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) I mean,
in 10 years,

are people even gonna
need a librarian?

Of course.

Where else
would people get books?

And what?

Will a computer tell you
what you'd like to read?

(CHUCKLES)
I don't think so.

Wait,
is that Dr. Ness?

Why is he back?

Uh, well, it seems like John,
who's a human being,

feels guilty
and is now trying to pay Ness
to be his manservant.

I think it's sweet that
Glascott ransacked
his entire office

just to help
heal a friend.

This school's just
a lot to get used to.

It was the tough love of
the firing that woke me up,

but after
I calmed down,

it was your kindness
and words of wisdom

that pointed me
in the direction
I needed to go.

I finally started
anger-management
counseling.

And I'm on my fourth
rage journal.

**

He gave me
the Tap n' Talk.

(CHUCKLES)

**

How'd it go?

Well, I broke some pretty
valuable stuff in my office.

I didn't
think that through.

But Dr. Ness
is gonna be fine.

I gotta say,

I heard the way your kindness
affected Ness for the better.

Your touchy-feely
Counselor Code

has its role
in being a boss.

Well, we appreciate you
saying you could learn a
few things from both of us.

That's not what I said.

Actually, I've learned
in some ways,
you both were right.

I needed to be hard
on him in order to
protect the school,

and I needed
to be kind to
support him.

And I did both.

Good job, John.

(CHUCKLES)

I don't need your praise,
but I do need both of you

to come help me
clean up my office.

Step lightly,
'cause I broke
a few figurines.

LAINEY: Turns out, Glascott
was able to grow as a boss

but stay true to himself.

He was part counselor,
part principal, all Glascott.

Hi.

Uh, excuse me.
My nephew
loves your class.

You're the gym teacher,
right?

Oh, yeah.
Coach Mellor.

Julie.
I'm Toby's aunt.

Welcome.

Thanks, Coach.
(CHUCKLES)

Toby's a big fan
of your class.

Well,
that's nice to hear.

Enjoy your evening.

Uh, on second thought,
you should call me Rick.

Hey, Rick.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

This is gonna sound
very strange,
but I feel like...

Have we met before?
You look very familiar.

I-I didn't want
to make this weird,

but I actually think
that we go to
the same gym.

That's right!
Yeah!

Sorry. I'm sorry
I never said hi.

I just... I'm pretty focused
on my workout, so...

Oh, good for you.
I'm never focused
enough.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Well, you don't look
like you need it.

LAINEY: Opening your heart
can be scary,

but when you have people
who support you,

it can make it
a little bit easier.
Oh, my gosh!

That is amazing.

(SIGHS)
How do you do that?

I almost didn't.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

* Is it really fair to feel...

Hey, who was that
in the gym you were talking
to for 20 minutes?

Her name is Julie.
She's cute.

Yeah,
she's a nurse.

Gave me an earful
about stretching

before I jump up
on a table.

Oh, or lift a fridge.
Yeah.

I think I like her.

Who knows?
Maybe something will happen,
maybe it won't.

Yeah,
you never do know.

You want to
wait for me for a sec?

I got to turn this in
to the nurse's office.

* ...for one more day

* Can you hold on... *

LAINEY: That's the thing
about friends.

They can get you through
whatever life throws your
way.

Whether it's opening
your heart or giving
some tough love,

they'll always
be there for you.

I'm a lot denser
than I look.
Physically, I mean.

Favorite singer? Easy.
Mr. Burt Bacharach.

Was I not just talking to you?
You guys are all
starting to look alike.

I'm looking for a teammate,
a doubles partner,

a holder to put down
the football of love

so I can kick it right through
the uprights of companionship.

Let's arm wrestle.
Come on.

I'm... I'm gonna win,
but I want to see
how strong you are.

Yeah, I know they
say "big-boned."

It's what you
hear all the time.

A person can lose weight
in their bones.

Trust me.

I noticed your hands
are super rough.

You work with your hands
or is that an allergy?

My favorite sensation
is the wind on my thighs.

Makes them feel free
'cause they're American.

As of today, it has been 38
months since I've worn pants.

Oh, well, I think it's
weird you can't
sleep standing up.

I want to test
your tensile strength.

I want you to squeeze my hand
as hard as you can.

Don't worry.
You will not hurt me.

If I had one wish,
it'd be to be a centaur.

Can't be strong enough
in the lower body.

I'm not shouting!
You're shouting!

Where are you going?
We still have more time.

Timer didn't go off.