All language subtitles for Schooled S01E08 Lainey and Ericas High School Reunion 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[eng]

LAINEY:
High school friendships
are some of the most

meaningful of our lives.

And before Facebook
or Instagram,

one of the only ways to check in with your classmates was the high school reunion.

Holy crap, it's you!

Holy crap, it's you, too!
Holy crap!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh.
Aah! Oh, man!

I have six days until Nana
does my laundry.

That's basically everything
I need to know about him.

And you must be
the infamous Erica Goldberg.

And you must be
the infamous Bobby McNope?

I have no idea
who you are.

See, I don't know what
goes on around here,

because Lainey never
returns my calls.

Well,
what is there to say?

Kids hold clarinets
and stare at me blankly.

Boom!
You're caught up.

Come on, I miss you!

And look at you
all teachered up,

hanging
in the teachers' lounge,
crushing it teacher style!

Aw, you're such
a sweet friend,

pretending my life isn't
a hot sack of disappointment.

Whoa, hey, don't be
so hard on yourself.

I mean, it's not like
my life is any better.

But what about
you and Geoff?

Don't get me started.

Wow. This got real sad
real fast.

Hey, hey, hey!
There they are!

Back together
and raising hell!

So, reunion time.
Pretty exciting, huh?

Absolutely not.
Dear God, no.

I just went to my 30th,
and everyone looked great.

I mean, Jesus has taken
most of the cheerleaders

up to Heaven,
but I had fun!

Sounds like a blast,
but me and Erica

were planning
to ditch the whole
thing and go to Buckets.

Oh, no! But we just
secured a banquet room
at Stazi Milano's!

It's an Italian restaurant
built into the Jenkintown
train station.

It's fancy because
you can see trains go by.

Sharing fried squid with
a bunch of high school nerds?
No, thank you.

I'll have you know some
of those nerds have done
very well for themselves.

Matt Schernecke is a partner
in an investment fund.

Wow. Think of
the stories he has.

Oh.
Forget that drip!

There's only one human man
attending this reunion
who really matters,

and that's Ruben Amaro Jr.,
who led the Phillies
to the World Series.

Big deal. They lost.

I mean, I could lose
the World Series.

Also, hi, Coach Mellor.

Hi, Girl Goldberg.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah, the magic
of the teachers' lounge

has worn off
quite quickly.

But holy crap,
we're back together again!

I know!
Dude!

Holy crap!
[SQUEALS]

It's so good.
Aah!

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
and finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

LAINEY: It was March 13th,
1990-something,

and Coach was with
the baseball team

doing his favorite thing
on the planet,

scouting the opposition.

Kid loves to crowd the plate,

so don't be afraid to make him
chase your slider, Weasel.

Next up!

What? What's a picture of me
and baseball superstar

Ruben Amaro Jr.
doing on the game slides?

You actually know him?

Know him?

You're looking at his mentor
and number-one influence.

Coincidentally, he's gonna be
here for the class reunion

if anybody wants to verify
said influence.

BOYS: Cool.

Next up!

What the... Another photo
of Ruben Amaro Jr.

and his lifelong mentor,

this time winning district?
[LAUGHS]

LAINEY: Coach Mellor
couldn't be prouder

that his protege went on
to the bigs.

And with Ruben back
for the reunion,

he was ready to relive
the glory days.

Oh, Ruben!

[LAUGHING]
Coach Mellor.

[LAUGHS]

How you doing, pal?
Hey.

Wow, I wasn't expecting
to see you so early!

I thought I'd pop by
before the reunion,

check out the ol'
stomping grounds.

I bet it's nothing compared
to the bigs, my man.

Hey, I had a lot of help
getting there.

You hear that,
Ed Morris?

Phillies outfielder
Ruben Amaro Jr.

said I'm the only reason
he made it to the big leagues.

Actually,
what he said was...

All right, buzz off
and go learn something.

Kids.

Listen,
if there's anything

you need while you're here,
I'm your man.

Ruben's Cube!
J-Glass!

[BOTH IMITATE EXPLOSION]

That's a very
elaborate greeting
for two total strangers.

Hey, I caught
the big game
last week.

That was very neat.

Neat? How do you know
baseball's neat,

and how do you
know Ruben?

I was his
guidance counselor.

Oh, that's putting
it lightly.

I would've never made it
out of this place

if it wasn't
for this guy's help.

[LAUGHS] Well, anything
to help with the pressure.

Pressure?
[LAUGHS]

Ruben Amaro Jr.
does not feel pressure.

He turns pressure
into dingers.

Ah, same old Coach.
Good to see ya, bub.

Hey, let me show you
my office.

Wait, they got tater tots
for lunch!

I'll save you a spot!

Welcome to my office.

Take a seat on the bucket.
That's the good chair.

Dude, I'd kill to
have an office.

Or even a bucket.
You know, it's so amazing
to know that, years later,

your life is a suckfest
just as much as mine.

Yeah, it's pretty great.
But also terrible.

I mean, all I wanted
was to show up to my reunion

in a helicopter
as a rock diva

or at the very least the sixth
member of the Spice Girls.

Dude,
that's my reunion dream.

Wait a minute.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yes!

Wait, no. I'm out of practice
at scheming with you.

Fill me in.

LAINEY: My plan
was all laid out
in the '90s hit movie

Romy and Michele's
High School Reunion.

You and me are gonna
Romy and Micheleour reunion.

You in?
Probably.

I haven't seen it yet,
but it looks very broad.

It's about two ladies
who pretend to be

millionaire inventors
of Post-it Notes

and totally have the reunion
of a lifetime.

Question.

Doesn't their entire plan
fall apart

when they're quickly outed
as the actual losers they are?

That's only 'cause
they're super dumb,
but we're crazy smart.

The smartest.
Also, why is this dude here?

Yeah, why are you here,
dude?

This is my classroom.

You guys just barged in
and started playing a movie
while I was grading tests.

That's on you for always
hogging the A/V equipment

'cause you're such
a giant goobus.

Lainey, you don't need to
Romy and Michele
anything, okay?

Despite your many flaws,
you're doing shockingly
well here.

Look! You were voted
Teacher of the Month!

The kids only voted for me
'cause I bribed them
to behave with Skittles.

Doesn't matter,
because it's a giant honor.
You should be proud.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone
at the reunion

will applaud me
as I step off my helicopter

as Teacher
of the Month Spice.

She totally
just burned you, dude.

Have fun with your lies.

BOTH: We will!

G-Scott!
You got a minute?

Actually, it's J-Glass.

But sure,
what's on your mind?

I just wanted to make sure
that we're on the same page.

Okay.
This photo right here,

now, that's Ruben
winning state.

Now, you see who's standing
next to him celebrating?

Well, that's you, but look
who he's pointing to
in the stands.

Okay, well, uh...

How about that photo
right there?

See, now,
that's Ruben Amaro Jr.

thanking me personally
at the Pennsylvania regional
sports awards banquet.

Oh, the banquet
where he won that,

which he gave to me
as a reminder

of our mentor-mentee
relationship?

Well, I taught him
how to throw a ball.
Did you do that?

Oh, I could never do that.

I just taught him
how to conquer
his anxiety and fears,

freeing him to become
the best self he could be.

Don't dodge
the question, John.

I see
what's happening here.

Rick, this is not
a competition.

You definitely had an impact
on Ruben's life,

even if my impact was bigger
and way more meaningful.

Bigger and more meaningful
impact?

I got him
to the major leagues!

We all know that Ruben values
Coach over everybody else.

Hey, J-Glass!

Thought we could grab
a bite before I go.

They got tots
in the cafeteria.

I told you about tots.

Huh?

You guys
enjoy your lunch.

I, uh... I have
a whole baseball team

waiting to bring me
delicious sides.

A lot better than tots.
We got tater skins,
onion rings.

We even have
mozzarella sticks
today, so...

Whoo-hoo to you guys.

LAINEY: Coach may
have been in a bad place,

but Erica and I were
in familiar territory.

God, it is so weird
to be back here.

I mean,
it's like the exact same
since you moved out.

Even though I'm gone,
my mom still comes in here

to clean and cry
and sniff my pillow.

Well,
the good news is, tonight,
we become golden gods.

[BINDERS THUD]
What's all this?

The new you.
I've created
intricate dossiers

for our wealthy
and flourishing lives.

It's so detailed!

See, Romy and Michele
blew it

because they didn't
put in the work.

I live on a vineyard
in the south of France,

and I'm married
to a Count?

Oh, my God.
That makes me a Countess.

Royalty. You deserve it.

Okay, but wait.
Why is my royal husband
not with me for the reunion?

Oh. He died mysteriously
of "bedroom pleasures."

Too braggy?
I'm good with it.

All right, now tell me
about your new self.

I am Lainey Lewis-Stamos,

a semi-retired,
globe-trotting

riverboat gambler
and face model.

I also live on a secluded
island fortress.

Yeah, maybe we just stick
with generic businesswoman.

Yeah, probably
more buyable.

But if we want to
be rich business ladies,
what do we do?

Like, Romy and Michele said
they invented Post-its.
What's our thing?

What if we own
Blockbuster Video?

No.
That's a franchise licensed
to an individual party,

which means at max, we could
only own a small handful.

Wow. How do you know that?

I used to work at Blockbuster
when I was trying to make it
in LA.

Corporate?

I more rewound
the adult videos.

Aw, Lain.
No, don't you pity me!

I'm married to Stamos!

Well, not if we don't
come up with a convincing
way we got rich.

Gak!
I know. It's so hard.

No, Gak!

I confiscate it all the time.
I can't explain it.

It's like this weird
slimy toy-thing.

Wait. Toy-thing?

Told ya. If it's a toy,
my nerd brother has it.

Isn't he, like, in his 20s now
and almost married?

Yup.
And still with the toys?

It's a problem.

Not for us.

We're going to that reunion
as Gak-zillionaires.

We're so good
for each other.

We really are.

LAINEY: After learning
he didn't have

the impact he thought he had
on his former superstar,

Coach was eager to step it up with his current players.

All right. Good practice.
Take a seat, boys.

Coach has got something
important to discuss.

Too much horseplay
and grab-ass out there, Coach?

For sure, Weasel.
But that's not it.

Today, your coach
and greatest influence

wants to take this time
to really dig in
and help you all.

To stop
all the horseplay?

Nope.
Oh, to stop
all the grab-ass.

No! Let's get real!

Lay it on me! Tell me what
you're dealing with!

Guess I could
use some pointers
to improve my curve.

No,
not baseball problems.

Real problems!

You mean like
my batting stance?

No, I mean deep,
personal issues that
are weighing you down!

Like a batting helmet?

How difficult is this
to understand?

Somebody here open up to me
or you're all running laps!

Weasel, go!

I guess my parents
are going through this, like,
really bad break-up,

and I just feel like
it's all my fault.

Okay! Here's what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna pretend
none of this was said.

And give me some
frog squats! Move it!

LAINEY: Coach failed
to make a deeper impact
on his players,

but I knew Erica and my fake business was sure to succeed.

Hey. How you holding up
about the whole reunion thing?

Good, now that I'm the
millionaire inventor of this.

As we say in the business,
once you go Gak,
you never go back.

First of all,
never say that.

And I'm talking about
how they moved the reunion.

Moved what now?

You do know it just
got moved into our
gym, right?

Here? Where I work
and also went to school?
How did this happen?

Whoever was supposed
to put down the restaurant
deposit screwed up.

What did they do?
They didn't put down
the deposit.

Okay. We can still
Romy and Michele
this reunion,

even though my name
and face is everywhere.How?

We just got to scrub my entire
existence from this school

in the next two hours.
"We"?

Please. Just go around
and destroy any evidence

that shows I'm just
a jackass who works here.

You do know
how incredibly offensive

everything you're
saying is, right?

Just do it!
Scrub, scrub, scrub! Go!

Like right now?

Should have gone
with Blockbuster.

♪♪

Oh, God, no!

Lainey Lewis?

Evy Silver.
[CHUCKLES]

My favorite gossip
and yenta.

Oh, you're sweet.

Man, I really wish
we had a chance

to eat ravioli six feet
away from a moving train.

Yeah. Me too.

But someone on
the planning committee

didn't give
the restaurant our check.

It's not my fault
Atlantic City's

on the way
to Jenkintown.

Carla? I didn't know
you were coming.

After four years at Yale,
figured hey, why not?

You went to Yale?
Sorry. In Mexico,

they say "Yale"
instead of "jail."

That checks out.
So if you're not here
to help us decorate,

why exactly are you here?

Oh, I was just
dropping by.

Caught an
early flight in...

From the...
The tropics of paradise.

"Tropics of Paradise"?

Yeah, it's a fancy island.
It's for the elite.

Which is what I am,
'cause I invented Gak
with Erica Goldberg.

Wow.
That is unbelievable.

[LAUGHING]
Yeah, for sure.

No, I mean it's unbelievable

that you're
Romy and Michele-ing
the reunion.

I don't know who
those people are.
I've never seen that movie.

Just stop.
Your Teacher of the Month
photo is everywhere.

Damn it, CB! You were supposed
to scrub me from existence!

I'm going
as fast as I can.

They hung it up
in every classroom,
'cause it's a huge honor.

Okay, fine.

I work here and may
have planned a slight
Romy and Michele.

That is so sad.
And I want in.

Me too.
Why?

I mean, I get why for Carla,
but I assumed
you were doing great.

Every guy I date
breaks up with me.

They say I'm too bossy.
Can you believe it?

I said,
"Can you believe it?"I cannot believe it.

Look, you can't do
a Romy and Michele
with four people.

It doesn't work that way.

We'll just say
we're Gak barons, too.

We can't all invent Gak!
Get your own thing to invent!

Post-it Notes.
No! That's from the movie.

They'll all know
what we're doing.

Just let us join
your robbery!

Or whatever
you're planning.

[GROANS] Fine!

We're doing a double
Romy and Michele.

[SQUEALS]
Yay!

[GASPS] I can't wait
to change my name again.

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

Here we go, ladies.

Four super successful
businesswomen

about to crush
their high school reunion.

What could go wrong?

Oh, there's
my other all-star,
Lainey Lewis.

Lainey, come over here!

[MUSIC STOPS]
Crap, that unraveled fast.

Don't worry.
I prepared for this.

♪♪

Hey, guys.
Long time no see.

[CHUCKLES] That's funny.
Lainey's famous
around here for...

I invented Gak.

What's that now?
Gak attack!

Oh. It looks so wet,
but it's so dry.

See you
at the next reunion.

Good luck with baseballing,
Ruben.

Well played.

LAINEY: Little did we know,

we were not
the only ones pulling
aRomy and Michele.

Guys! Somebody just arrived
in a helicopter!

They must be some
big fancy pants now!

[THE O'JAYS'
FOR THE LOVE OF MONEYPLAYS]

♪ Money, money, money, money

♪ Money ♪

What's up,
smokers and jokers?

Johnny Atkins
has helly-copter money!

Oh, my God,
he's so rich!

Why did I ever
break up with him?

'Cause he cheated on you,
like, 16 times.

Did you not hear me?
I said he's rich.

Bet you're all wondering
how this small-town Rush fan
got his own personal Airwolf.

[MUSIC STOPS]
Boom!

I made millions of dollars
inventing these puppies.

Post-it Notes?

Isn't that from
Romy and Michele?

Out of curiosity, how many
of you saw that movie?

Damn it! I wasted
a year's salary
renting this Whirlybird!

LAINEY: The reunion was making a lot of us act crazy,

and it wasn't just
the students.

Ruben!

Sup, Coach?
I'll tell you sup.

Glascott here's not
the only one who guided
and mentored you.

I had a hand in it, too.
Don't do this.

It's time for you to choose
which one of us meant the most
to you your entire life.

Don't do this!

You can only
have one mentor
at this school,

so you pick right now.

You don't have to pick,
Ruben.

Ha. That's because
you know it's me.

I'm a legend to this kid
and his family.

So tell him,
Ruben Amaro Jr.,

son of Ruben Amaro Sr.
and is it, uh, Rubina?

It's Judy.

You're really gonna
make me choose?

I pick Mr. Glascott.

[SIGHS]
I get it.

You don't want to
embarrass him in front
of his former students.

You're a kind man,
Ruben A. Jr.

♪♪

Rick, wait.

Okay, clearly
you're hurting here.

Why don't we just
take a minute to talk?

That kid was
my greatest accomplishment,

the thing
I pointed to the most.

And now I got nothing.

Rick,
you still matter to him.

Not like you do.

You know, teaching gym
and coaching ball

doesn't make me rich or famous
or even respected.

But that was okay,
because I felt like

I was making
a real difference.

And I learned I didn't.

Just makes me feel like
none of it was worth it.

♪♪

LAINEY: As the
night continued,

Erica and I were actually
getting away

withRomy and Michele- ing
our reunion.

Wow, I can't believe you live
in the south of France.

And here I thought
flying in from
South Pasadena was exotic.

Oh, you want exotic?
Lainey spent
a whole month summering

at my vineyard
with her lover,
Jack Stamos.

That's John Stamos' brother,
which is easier to believe,

not that you wouldn't think
any of this is a lie

'cause it all sounds
just true enough.

Maybe stop
with the champagne.Copy that.

Hope everyone is
having fun at this
lil' shindig I planned.

Oh, him?

This is Charlie,
my doting husband.

Husband? Wow.

I just assumed
you'd be married
to your job, Evy.

No. Gak sells itself.

Well, then. Congrats
on your recent marriage.
What are you doing?

Thank you, ma'am.
She said she'd rat you out
if I didn't play along.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Fair enough.

Careful, Lainey.
He's taken.

♪♪

[GULPS]

Oh, there's so much tongue
in front of so many people,
sweetheart.

Well...

Okay. Well,
nice catching up
with everyone.

Yeah, we'll, uh,
circle back next reunion.

Cool.
Tell Geoff I say "hi."

Oh, Erica's not
with Geoff anymore.

Yeah, sure she is.

My company sold his office
two back-up generators.

Nah, that doesn't
sound right.

Wait, don't you two
live in Norfolk?

Do we, though?
Yeah. When I closed the deal,

Geoff invited us
out on the boat.

I hear you're
learning to sail.

Sail?
Uh, sell Gak.

We make and sell Gak.
Let's get back to Gak talk.

I think we need to talk.

You and Geoff
are still together,

and you have
a friggin' sailboat?

I mean, what?
It's really more
of a catamaran.

When I brought up Geoff, you
said, "Don't get me started!"

And I didn't start.

'Cause if I did,
I would've said he's
my special treasure.

That's it. You're no longer
a member of the Gak Pack.

What?
You're fired.

I'll run the company
on my own.

But we built that imaginary
business together!

Well, that's what
you get for lying

and being such a jerk
'cause your life rocks.

Of course I lied!
I didn't want to
make you feel bad.

I'm sorry
I'm such a pity case.

You're supposed to be my best
friend and be honest with me.

Yeah, some best friend.

I haven't talked to you
in forever, Lainey.

I call you all the time,
but you never call me back.

That's because
I have nothing to say.
[SCOFFS]

Look around.
This is my life now.

All my big talk
about taking over the world
just led me back here.

The best thing
I have going for me
is I invented Gak,

and I didn't even do that.

Hang on.

I know you're desperate to be
a Spice Girl or a rock star,

but you can't even see
that you already are.

What are you
talking about?

Lainey, look.
Your picture
is everywhere.

Damn it, CB!
My point is,
you are a rock star,

to this school,
to these kids,

and that is nothing
to be ashamed of.

You're such
a good best friend.

Always will be.

Good night, ladies.
Enjoy the reunion.

You're going already?
We didn't even get to talk.

Like you want to
talk to me.

Of course I do.
Come on.

Dude, you're like
a legend in my family.

Barry still tells people

you made him
the greatest athlete
at every sport ever.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I did give him
confidence.
Maybe too much.

And Adam
remembers you so much

that he wrote you
and your tiny little shorts
into his script.

Goldfarb. Good kid.

That's not all, Rick.
You never took crap
from me and Erica either.

Yeah.
Out of all the teachers,

you're the one who
set us straight.

Wow. I didn't realize
that the ones

I helped
the most were, uh...

Geeks and delinquents?
[SCOFFS]

You did.
So thank you.

No. Thank you,
Girl Goldberg.

I'll see you
back in there.

♪♪

Well, are you ready
to introduce everyone

to Lainey Lewis,
rock star teacher?

Yes.

Although it really
would've been great
to be a Spice Girl.

Well, maybe we can be.
Go on.

Do you have a key
to the costume department?

Oh, man, I wish.

I do. I got keys
to everything.

Student lockers,
teacher offices,
teacher homes.

Forget that last one.
Working here kicks ass.

It kind of does,
Johnny Atkins.

[KEYS JINGLE]

[SPICE GIRLS' WANNABEPLAYS]

♪♪

♪ Yo,
I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want

♪ So tell me what you want,
what you really, really want

♪ I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want

♪ So tell me what you want,
what you really, really want

I call Crazy Spice!

Here, honey.
Hold my purse.

♪ I wanna really, really,
really wanna zig-a-zig-ah

♪ If you want my future,
forget my past

♪ If you wanna get with me,
better make it fast

♪ Now don't go wasting
my precious time

♪ Get your act together,
we could be just fine

I owe you an apology,
John.

It's not necessary.

No, it is.
I went overboard.

With Ruben back,
I just got carried away.

The point is,
he's lucky to have you.

Well, I think he's lucky
to have you, too.

All these kids are.

♪ If you wanna be my lover

LAINEY: The people
we go through
high school with,

both teachers and students, are very special in our lives.

They not only help
to make great memories,

they all play a part in creating who we grow up to be.

♪ I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want

♪ So tell me what you want,
what you really, really want

♪ I wanna, I wanna,
I wanna, I wannaWhoo!

Now this is a reunion.

LAINEY: And,
if we're really lucky,

we keep the ones who are
most important close to us

to continue to create memories that'll last forever.

♪ Friendship never ends ♪

Here I am with a real athlete,
the Ruben Amaro Jr.

I got to ask you,
it's kind of a coincidence

that Niko Guardado,
who plays you,

is the son of a major-league
baseball player

and, by the way,
played against you.

According to Niko, you got
some hits off his dad.[LAUGHS]

Niko's dad, Ed, we'd call him
"Everyday Eddie" Guardado,
really talented.

I mean, he pitched
probably, like,

19 or 20 years
in the big leagues.

And a friend of mine said,
"Hey, Eddie's son

"is playing you in that show, The Goldbergs."

I said,
"You're kidding me."

He... And so we ended up
finally meeting him

in Boston and taking
some pictures with him.

Really good kid.

As a guy who had a father

who was a baseball fanatic,
my... My father

would have loved
to have had a son

who was
a pro baseball player.

Instead, he's got
to settle for a guy

who pretends
and wears makeup.