All language subtitles for Schooled S01E02 Laineys All That 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[eng]

LAINEY: The '90s
was the heyday
of teen romcoms,

and the greatest of all
was She's All That,

a classic tale
of the popular guy

who bets he can turn a girl
from geek to chic.

And as a teacher,
I had to check it out
to stay up with the kids.

"May I present the new,
not improved,

"but different...

"Laney Boggs."

* Swing, swing

* Swing the spinning step

* You wear those shoes

* And I will
wear that dress... *

I may have checked it out
more than once,

but less than 19 times.

Am I a bet?
LAINEY: "Am I a bet?"

Am I a bet?
"Am I a bet?"

"Am I a (BLEEP) bet?"

Turns out watching it
over and over

came in pretty handy
at school.

Hey, bro,
check out Harriet.

Does she know half that
Go-Gurt is on her face?

With a new look
and the right guy
on her arm,

she could be as popular
as any girl at this school.

I'll make that bet.

Hey! You stop doing
what you're doing.
What?

You're plotting
to She's-All-That
the weird girl.

Um, I don't think
you're supposed

to call the students
"weird."

Look, it works out
in the movies.

But in real life,
it is just wrong.

And, uh, what makes
you the expert?

Years before
the movie ever existed,

I made a bet that
I could She's-All-That a guy

right here
at William Penn.

Whoa.
His name
was Barry Goldberg.

He was emotionally
out of control.

He rapped the most
un-fresh lyrics.

(RAPPING) * Big Tasty
wants to take you

* On a boat ride *

He ran with his arms
flowing behind him.

(GRUNTS)
This isn't fair!

What happened?

Before he finished
high school,
we were engaged.

I don't want
to get engaged.

When you
She's-All-That someone,

there is no telling
what could happen.

Take a long look at that
Go-Gurt-slurping weirdo.

You really want to spend
the rest of your life
with her?

Wazzup?

You got something
on your chin?

Oh, I do?
Yeah.

It's to the left,
on your cheek.

* Someday, you will say,
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY: I t was January 16th,
1990-something,

and I still had a lot
to learn in my new job,

but the one thing I knew

was every school
in the world

had exactly
the same kind of teachers,

like Ms. Cinoman,

the classic
overly dramatic
drama teacher...

Your soul, your breath,

your skin yearn
for Juliet!

I need a minute.
I've worked myself up again.

LAINEY: ...and Mr. Crosby,

the intense eight-fingered
wood shop teacher...

These nubs are a reminder

of just how dangerous
wood shop can be.

LAINEY: ...and then
there was CB,

the young, hip,

"super teacher"
that all the kids loved.

Whoo!

(BOTH VOACALIZE)

What are you doing?

I have a unique handshake
with each of the kids.

Makes them feel special,

and makes me feel...

And makes...

Okay, let's learn.

LAINEY: And so far,
I was the newbie

none of the other
teachers respected.

Hey, Susan.

I saw you still
need some help

with
the Beautification Club.

Sign me up.

Wow.

Well, manis and pedis
courtesy of the PTA?

I mean, who wouldn't
jump on that?
(CHUCKLES) Oh.

The Beautification Club
spends every Saturday

cleaning up
the local parks.

Ew.

I mean,
my weekend is jammed.

More dirty needles
for Susan.

I could help you, Susan.

Oh, thanks, CB,
you're the best.

(MOCKINGLY MIMICS CB)

LAINEY: But I knew
if they just got
to know me,

I could change all that.

It wasn't easy.

Hey, who wants
to go to the cafe

and grab
some fish sticks?

Pretty sweet that teachers
eat for free, am I right?

Teachers do not
eat for free.

You've just been grabbing
food without paying?

(SCOFFS) No.

(DOOR CLOSES)

She was a crap student.

Now she's
a crap teacher.

I give her
three weeks, tops.

I can turn her around.
It's what I do.

I mold young minds,

and I'm guessing hers
is pretty soft.

You're great with kids, CB,
but this is different.

Lainey's generally
disappointing.

You wanna bet?

I know for a fact

that I can transform her
into a good teacher.

Name your price.
Discman.

One of those fancy kinds

that can handle
light splashing.

I listen in the tub.
You're on.

It's my nubs,
isn't it?
I don't...

Say it.
Say it's my nubs.

It's not...
It's not your nubs.

LAINEY: While CB
was making his bet,

Glascott was overseeing
the dance decorating
committee.

MELLOR:
How much longer, John?

My dodge balls
are precisely inflated

for maximum sting.

Every moment counts.

Okay, Coach,
just a second.

All right, kids,

let us delight
in the magic
of helium.

Launch the balloon arch!

Look at her fly...

Away.

Okay, okay,

that is why we do
a dry run, people.

All right, let's take five.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
TOM SCOTT:
Ah, that's my bad.

Got distracted
talking to Lana Eisenstein.

Ooh, see, I told you,
Tom Scott.

Joining
the decorating committee

was a great way to break
the ice with Lana.
Yeah.

This guy is helping you
score a date?

Oh, no, not yet.

But in time.

As the man says,
"The slowest
moving storms..."

Create the most destruction.
"...create the
most destruction."

It's not
a perfect metaphor,

but it gets
the point across.

If your point
is failure.

Eisenstein plays
the tuba, right?

Oh, like an angel.

Next band practice,
I want you to take her tuba,

I want you to lift it
in the air,

and I want you to say,

"Hey, let's go
to the dance together."

Lifting something
is not gonna get him
a date to a dance.

Of course it will!

You lift with your core.

At the center
of your core
is your heart,

AKA, the love muscle.

The lift showcases
the strength of said muscle.

Everything
you just said is dumb.

Go tie down that arch,
slow storm.

John.
Oh, Ms. Fleming.

What a beautiful broach
you're wearing.

Thank you, it's a seashell
meant to look like my uterus.

Mm-hmm.

Um, I've asked custodial
three times

for a broom
and a dust pan.

My Young Feminists Club
is screening
Thelma & Louise,

and when those ladies
fly off that cliff,

the popcorn
will fly, too.

Okay, well, I will ride
a broom to you myself.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I mean, bring a broom.

I don't ride brooms.
(CHUCKLES)

But witches do!

Okay.

You're hot
for Liz Fleming.

Me? No!

Did it seem that way?

I'm not.
Why would you ask?

Is my nose sweating?

All noses sweat!

Well, what are you
waiting for?

Ask the lady out,
Don Ho.

I'm gonna assume
you meant Don Juan.

And, no, I would never
date a teacher here.

Like any good principal,

I check my life
at the flagpole.

That's my code.

John, as your friend,

I have to tell you

that your code
is a load of crap

and will only make
your sad life sadder.

Well, as your friend,
I have to tell you

that your life
is equally sad,

and we're actually
just co-workers.

I feel pain
like a regular man, John.

Okay, look. I'm not
asking out Liz. Ever.

But if you
want to help out,

you can take her
a broom and dust pan.

Time me.

Hey, Liz, just doing
my good friend a favor

and bringing you
some cleaning implements.

(GRUNTING LOUDLY)

Look at you lift that
all by yourself.

I mean,
let me help you.
I got it.

I needed
the workout anyway.

(CABINET CLANGS)

You believe in
physical fitness?

Yeah, this morning
was wall-sits,

tuck-jumps,
and frog squats.

Frog squats?

That's my favorite
lower-body calisthenic.

Okay, well,
not to push you out,

but I do need
to look over

this season's
track schedule.

You're coaching track now?

Yeah, I gave up coaching
a few years ago,

but, uh, I've missed it,
you know?

(CHUCKLES)
Know?

Without coaching,
I'd have nothing.

I mean,
literally nothing.

Oh, I have
a very full life.

I love the competition,

but my real passion
is molding girls
into women.

I feel the same passion
about boys.

I mean men.

Molding. Coaching.

Is my nose sweating?

No more
than the rest of you.

LAINEY: While Coach
was suddenly falling
for one teacher,

I was about to get
tricked by another.

Oh, well, if it isn't
Teacher of the Year.

Look, I see that
you're struggling to fit in,

and I think
I can help, okay?

I know what it's like
to be new.

(CLANGING)

So, I just want to help.

Fine.

What's your big advice?

If you want
their respect,

you have to show them
that you care.

Get involved.
Reach out to a kid.

Oh, I care!

I'm a caring nightmare.

I'll bet you right now
I can help some kid.

Don't want to bet.
Loser buys the other
a Discman.

Is there something
about DiscmanS
that I'm not getting?

Just give me
the motivation!
Fine.

I bet you can't
make a difference
in a kid's life.

(SNAPS FINGERS)
You're on, assface.

I know just the kid.

I'm going to the dance
with Lana!

Nice, Tom Scott!

I told you
taking it slow would work.

Totally.

Also, this morning,
I lifted her tuba and said,

"We should go
to the dance together."

Oh, wait, so you took
the coach's advice?

And it worked.

Although I farted
when I lifted the tuba,

but Lana was too nice
to say anything.

Wow. I can't believe it.

Oh, yeah, me neither.
(CHUCKLES)

It was a real dooze.

You know,
the best part is,

for the first time
since I've been
at this school,

I, uh...
I don't feel so lonely.

I want love in my life
like Tom Scott.

Give me some dumb advice

so that I can date
Liz Fleming.

No, you were right.
I don't know what
I'm talking about.

You're the one
who helped Tom.

But your dumb words
put him over the top.

As your friend,
I need to remind you,

you have a code,

and that is that you check
your life at the flagpole.

Forget Fleming.

Why do you have
that play drawn up

with X's and hearts
instead of X's and O's?

Wait. You like
Liz Fleming now?

Well, I didn't intend
for this to happen,

but when she wrapped
her bird-like arms

around that filing cabinet,

she didn't just lift
a piece of furniture.

She...lifted my heart!

Then game on,
as they say.

You don't say that.
I say that!

Well, I say it now, too.

Game on!
You're not
saying it right.

It's "game on!"

I'm gonna
make it my own.

Game on!
Game on!

Game on!
Game on!

Game on!
On, on, on, on, on!

LAINEY:
While Mellor and Glascott
tore each other down...

Aah!

...I was eager to build up
Harriet's confidence.

So, I sense you'd like more
from your life at school.

Am I right?

Well, sure.
That would be good.

Well, I pulled your file,

and I see you're
on the debate team,

but you never compete.

Sounds like
a lack of confidence.

And that's just...
I want a makeover!

What's that?

New hair, new shoes,
new clothes,

that's the kind
of "more" I want.

Listen, I hear
what you're saying,

but I've got a plan
to turn you
into a superstar

that's way more than just
a new pair of shoes.

And your jacket.

I want that jacket.

And I want it
off your body
so it has your musk.

Okay, that's good.

And strange.

But you're telling me
what you want. I like it.

You do?
Yes.

You know what
happens sometimes

when you only change
what's on the outside?

It makes you feel
damn good on the inside!

We're doing
a makeover!
Yes!

LAINEY: Just like that,

I had the perfect way
to show off to my peers

and finally
earn their respect.

I'm sure you're all
wondering why I've
called you here.

It's come
to my attention

that I don't
have your respect,

because some
of you don't think
I'm a very good teacher.

It's all of us.

Well, then you're about
to owe me an apology,

because I am
about to turn

Harriet Tubman's life
around.

Oh, I don't know
her last name,

but I'm sure
it's not Tubman.

Introducing the new,

not improved
but different,

Harriet Tubman!

Stop saying Tubman.

(SONG PLAYING)

* Kiss me

* Out of
the bearded barley

* Nightly

* Beside the green,
green grass

* Swing, swing

* Swing the spinning step

* You wear those shoes

(RECORD SLOWS)
* And I will... *

Ooh!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

CB: What... What, um...
What, uh...

(STAMMERS)
What's happening here?
I'm inspiring a student.

To be more shallow?
To be more confident!

(SINGSONG) Rubba-dub-dub,
like my jams in the tub.
Okay.

Look, I'm just
getting started here.

Besides,
people are gonna notice

Harriet's new attitude
more than anything.

BECKY: Holy crap!

Harriet looks like
an MTV VJ!

I have play practice
after school,

I'd skip it
if you could make my boobs
look like that.

You're the lead.
You cannot skip.

Forget the play!
I want boobs!

All right, you know what? As
long as I'm at this school...
Please, I...

...you won't have boobs.
Please, please.

Okay, I see how this might not
be helping my case.

You she's-all-that'd
a student.

You're a teacher,
not a stylist.

You know what?
I am done with this.
I deserve your respect.

And if you can't see that,
well, then,
you're all just a bunch

of crusty,
old dill holes.

Dill hole?

Just...

Rubba-dub-dub.

I had failed
to win the teachers over,

but CB still had his bet with
Crosby, and he wasn't about
to lose.

Again,
it's not free, so...

Everybody does it.

Look. (SIGHS)
I just wanted to apologize.

I was too harsh yesterday,

and if you're interested,
I'd still like to help.

Why?
Simple.

I really do
believe in you, Lainey.

You actually mean that?

Of course I do! Yes!

So where do we start?

Teach me to teach.
I'm ready.

Okay, to get
the teachers' respect,

you have to prove to them

that you can
reach the kids.

Now, to do that,
you have to be creative...

...and potentially

daring.

Now let the show begin.

Uh, "show"?

(AS JIM CARREY)
As Fire Marshal Bill says,

"One theme
in Shakespeare's 'King Lear'

"is the lack of justice
in a cruel world."

Please never do that again.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Once she's through
the looking glass,

Alice's world is literally
turned upside down.

Your face is very red.
I'm concerned.

(PLAYING)

So, that flute
is yours now.

(GRUNTS) Oh!

Oh, my God!
I want to be
a better teacher,

not the warm-up act
at a carnival freak show.

I'm just trying
to encourage you

to think outside the box
and have fun.

Gah, this is hopeless!

Look, there might be
an easier way.

Listening.

Okay, you're dressed like
a teenager going to the mall.

Teachers,
they can be just as shallow

as the students,

and appearances...
they matter.

Yes, yes! I'll do the
easy shallow thing.

Then we're doing
a make-under!

(RECORD REVS)

* Oh, kiss me

* Beneath the milky twilight

* Lead me

* Out on the moonlit floor

* Lift your open hand

* Strike up the band
and make the fireflies dance

* Silver moon's sparkling *

Susan, still need help
advising the
Beautification Club?

Yes! That'd be great.

Excellent.
Then, on Saturday,

I will put these
garbage hands to work.

Oh, terrific, Lainey.
Okay, I'll see you
at 5:00 a.m.

Huh?

Signing up for Suzie's club.
Nice touch.

Thanks for believing in me.
You're the first person here
who has.

Oh, and as Fire Marshall Bill
would say...

(BAD IMPRESSION OF JIM CARREY)
"Thanks so much!
Heh, heh, heh!"

Don't do that.
(NORMAL VOICE)
Yeah, that was not great.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

LAINEY: CB was feeling rotten

about winning his bet
to make me a real teacher.

Meanwhile, Principal Glascott

was about to learn
he was losing to Coach.

He's on the sports field!

Frog squats work best
when you pause here.
GLASCOTT: Liz! Guys! Hey!

What's up? (PANTING)

John,
are you all right?

Hi.
Okay.

I'm gonna get you
some water.

(GASPING)
Well, look who's

concerned about...

...my hydration.

What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?

I asked Liz if she needed
help with the shot-putters

and the discus throwers,
and she was ecstatic.

So you're helping her
with track.

Big deal.
It is.

But you know
what the biggest deal is?

Tonight at the dance,

Liz and I are working
the punch bowl.

And?
Poor John.

You've checked your life
at the flagpole for so long,

you don't even know
about punch bowl babies.

This is definitely
not a thing.

1975, Howard and Dirksen
worked the bowl, baby!

'82, Edsall and Muransky,
baby!

1985,
Guarascio and Secunda,

a beautiful adopted
Chinese baby!

Coincidence.
There's magic in that punch,

and Liz and I will share
its sweet nectar.

"Game on"
will be game over.

(GROANS)

LAINEY: In the battle
for Liz Fleming's heart,

Coach had pulled way ahead.

Meanwhile, Crosby was ready
to admit defeat.

Here's your Discman.

These things
are very expensive.

Ah, we're teachers.

Everything's expensive
to us.

(APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE)

HARRIET: Statistics are
undeniable, and the
evidence is clear.

In conclusion,
the chair is life.

(APPLAUSE)

Harriet is crushing it.

I don't even believe
in capital punishment,

but this has
got me thinkin'.

She's like
a different person.

You mean
a confident person?

JUDGE: The winner is...

...Harriet Jones!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
Oh, my God! Yes!

I did it! I did it!

Okay, you're right.
Her name's not Tubman.

But I was right, too.
The makeover worked.

You didn't need me
at all.

You knew what you were doing
all along.

Well, either way,

it still felt great to have
one person believe in me.

Um, yeah, about that...

Boo-yeah! I won.
I did it. Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean
you don't still owe me
a Discman.

I won our bet, so gimme.

Oh, no, no, no.
That's not your Discman.

That's mine.
What?

You just admitted
that she was a good teacher,

which makes our bet
null and void.

What's he talking about?
Why is he pawing at
my Discman?

Gimme!

He made a bet

that he could change you
from a lousy teacher

into one of us.

But you were already
one of us.

So...gimme!

Wait, so while I was just
she's-all-that'ing Harriet,

were you really just
she's-all-that'ing me?

(SIGHS)

Am I a bet?

Am I a friggin' bet?!

You were
she's-all-that'ing me?
Uh-oh.

Am I a bet?

Am I a friggin' bet?

It started as a bet,
but I really believe in you.
I do.

You do?

Of course.

And now everyone else does,
too, because you killed
it today. That was all you.

I think all that stuff
about you.
Not now, CB!

I'm sorry, Harriet.
I, I really am.

Don't be.

I just won
my first debate,

and I'm going to the dance,

and I look hot!

You can bet about me
anytime.

Oh.

Wow.

That was not
like the movie.

You know what?
Everyone thinks you're
this great super teacher.

Well, I think
you're just a jerk.

And you dressed me up
like Mrs. Doubtfire!
You're a monster!

LAINEY: It was the night of
the big dance, and Coach had
finally secured his date

at the punch bowl
along with Liz Fleming.

Punch has a sweet aroma,
don't you think?

I don't like men telling me
how to perceive the world.

But, yeah, I love
that tutti-frutti.

Well, looks like
you two could use a hand.

Or should I say
a "ladle"?

My lord, that's the biggest
ladle I've ever seen.

Yes, it's forged
with German steel

and does the work
of two men.

So, Coach, you can go.
I got this.

Everyone knows
ladling is about speed.

(LAUGHS)
See, it's, uh...

Rapid fire,
that's the key.

See this?

Look at all the punch

in my big,
German engineered spoon.

Check this out.

Okay, I don't know
why you guys

are ramming
your heads together
like two bighorn sheep,

but I'm stepping
out of here.

What is your problem?

My problem is
my so-called friend

told me to ask out Fleming

before he tried
to steal her!

You said you'd never, ever
ask her out

and that
your so-called friend

was just
your co-worker!

Actually, "co-worker"
isn't quite right.

What you really are
is my underling.

Rick Mellor is under
no man and no ling.

Call it what you want,
but I'm your boss.

And your boss needs you
to patrol

outside the school
tonight.

You're kicking me out?

Here's a walkie-talkie

just in case
you get lost in the woods.

I guess
one thing's for sure.

We really aren't friends
after all.

LAINEY: Glascott's victory
felt hollow,

and Coach discovered
he wasn't the only one
feeling defeated.

Tom Scott?
What are you
doing out here, son?

I need
Principal Glascott.

Tom Scott's
asking for you.

Drop the ladle
and step away from the punch!

Switch it up!
I'm coming in! Yeah!

TOM: No, I need both of you!

Ah, damn it!

I mean,
sure, Tom Scott.

Follow me.

Tom Scott,
what are you doing?

Your date's inside waiting.

She's not my date.

Lana said she just
wants to be friends.

Ah, it's not so bad.

Girlfriends come and go,
but a friend?

That's forever.

If the friendship's real.

Coach is right.

Friendship means
more than anything,

even if sometimes
we forget that.

Yeah, us guys
can get so caught up

in romance
and school dances

that we lose sight
of that.

And who knows?

Maybe one day
you'll grow into good friends.

Or close friends.

Or even best friends.
Or lovers. (CHUCKLES)

No. That's too much.
That's too far.

Why don't you
go on inside?

Come on. Okay.
Thanks.
You guys are the best.

(SIGHS)

Sorry for everything,
Coach.

Ah, me, too.

And as far as Liz Fleming
is concerned,
I'm bowing out.

I am, too.

Some things
are more important.

Thanks, John.

* Kiss me

* Out of the bearded barley

* Nightly
Beside the green,
green grass *

I sucked, too.
What?

When I started teaching,
I was nervous and insecure.

Really?
Yeah.

I was wrong about you,
Lainey.

You get these kids

way more than I did
when I started.

Thank you for that.

And if I can grow into this
amazing molder of young minds

you see before you,

who knows how great of
a teacher you can be.

(CHUCKLES)

So, are we good?

Yeah.

* And make the fireflies dance

* Silver moon's sparkling *

LAINEY: Everyone wants
to fit in...

...and be respected.

But that day, I realized
you can't be your best

unless you have
confidence in yourself

and trust your instincts.

And that is how
I finally figured out

exactly the kind of teacher
I would be.

Hello, everybody, I'm sitting
here with the real,
actual C.B.

What's the greatest thing
about being a teacher?

Getting to be involved
in kids' lives

and just
seeing them grow.

How did
you make learning fun?

I make sure that the kids know
that I love them.

Yeah.
So that when I scream at them,

they still know
that I love them,

and I find that
that works, so...

That's really manipulative,
and I love it.

Did you do impressions,
or like...?

(AS JOHN WAYNE)
Well, I don't know, pilgrim.

(LAUGHS)

(NORMAL VOICE)
We can end it at that.

Has there ever been a student

that has become
a teacher?

Rick Mellor was a student

and came back
to be a teacher.

Can you break-dance?
Yeah.

In my day.
Now my arms would fall off.

Got to go like this.

Okay, yeah.
No, that'll work.

Grab your foot.
Yeah.

And then you
jump over it.

Oh, my God.

So, yeah.
You just do that.

(GRUNTS)
Whoa!

That's really impressive.