All language subtitles for The.Good.Place.S03E01.720p.BluRay.X264-REWARD

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,755 I still believe that they would've become good people 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:12,093 if they'd just gotten a push in the right direction. 3 00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:14,970 Oh, no! 4 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,557 It's only four people, and it's clearly the best way to see 5 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,435 if bad people can become good without knowing anything 6 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,346 about what's waiting for them in the afterlife. 7 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,479 - OK, let's do it. - Yes! 8 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:31,233 But there have to be strict rules. Otherwise, the results will be tainted. 9 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:35,279 And I reserve the right to change my mind at any point. 10 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,993 Would someone who's not an eternal being please explain to me 11 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,121 what the f... 12 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,809 Hi. I'm Michael. 13 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,440 You must be the Doorman? 14 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,825 Ah! 15 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,401 This is wild. 16 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,694 Had no idea this was even here. 17 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:23,532 So, I have this ruling from the Judge... 18 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,334 heading on down to Earth to reverse the deaths of these four people. 19 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,209 It's kinda tricky, you know, it starts up a new timeline 20 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,835 so there might be some ripple effects 21 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,468 but it's necessary, for the... the experiment that we're doing there. 22 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,968 So how long does this trip take? 23 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,719 Hope I don't get a middle seat. 24 00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,558 Wow. 25 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,557 I haven't heard a joke in 8,000 years. 26 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,139 And I still haven't. 27 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,858 That's the door to Earth. 28 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,403 Go through there, you'll be wherever you need to be. 29 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:54,924 You won't have any other powers, though. 30 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,719 You wanna get around, you're just gonna have to take a bus or something. 31 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:58,779 A bus? 32 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,694 Oh, boy! 33 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,370 Oh, man, I'm gonna sit in a front-facing seat! 34 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:06,078 Or no, no, m-maybe a sideways-facing seat! 35 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,205 I'm... I'm gonna get so motion-sick! 36 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:09,786 Oh, man! 37 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,691 What do I do, just grab the key here...? 38 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,715 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 39 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:17,927 This key is made of the very first atoms that came into existence in the universe. 40 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:21,890 It is one of a kind, and cannot be duplicated. See? 41 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,309 "Do not duplicate." 42 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,478 Only I touch this key. 43 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,931 And... and what's the significance of the keychain? 44 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,058 Nothing. I just like frogs. 45 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,230 I'm a frog guy. 46 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:38,319 When you need to get back here, make sure you're alone, press this button. 47 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,026 Any questions? No? Great. 48 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:43,782 Knock yourself out. 49 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,002 Uh-oh. 50 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,076 I-I'm sorry, but this is an important moment in our friendship... 51 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,327 On your right, mate! 52 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,512 Geez! Watch it, man! 53 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,514 Come down to the ground where you belong! 54 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:15,977 Buongiorno! 55 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,149 Buongiorno! 56 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,448 Oh, wow! 57 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,780 I was just on Earth! 58 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,414 It was incredible! 59 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,876 The-the traffic... the pigeons! 60 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,542 And I saw this place that was at once a Pizza Hut 61 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,214 and a Taco Bell! 62 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:41,298 I mean, oh... the mind reels! 63 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:46,428 A Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! Ah! 64 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,899 Oh, Janet, it was everything I ever imagined. 65 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,272 I got to ride a bike. 66 00:03:57,446 --> 00:04:00,234 I put a coin in a thing and got a gumball. 67 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,408 And then someone came up to me and said, "Hot enough for ya?" 68 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:04,535 And you know what I said? 69 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,277 I said, "Tell me about it." 70 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,780 While I am glad that you got to chew a gumball... 71 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,243 Oh, damn. 72 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,499 I didn't even think to chew it. 73 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,994 Missed opportunity. Shoot. 74 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,045 ...did you also save their lives? 75 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,465 Yes, of course. Everyone is safe. 76 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,302 Including Jason. 77 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:26,214 Now, just sit back and watch as they become better people. 78 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,016 Being good is for suckers! 79 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,059 What do you even get out of it? I quit. 80 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,221 Eat my farts, Benedict Cumberbatch. 81 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,396 Morning, Chidi! Blueberry muffin for ya? 82 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:38,647 Uh... I-I don't know. 83 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,737 Maybe. I can't decide. 84 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,521 - You alright there, mate? - OK. 85 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:42,907 I've made my decision. 86 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,941 I want to... 87 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,234 start crying! 88 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:58,208 Hey, Tahani Al-Jamil. I'm from International Sophisticate Magazine. 89 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,464 Mind if we ask you 582 questions? 90 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,628 Sounds delightful! 91 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,376 Where are we, exactly? 92 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,463 My pied-à-terre, just off the coast of Barcelona. 93 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,927 What's one thing people don't know about you? 94 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,555 That I was such a tomboy in high school. 95 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,770 See? 96 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,392 Wow! Looking good! OK, next question. 97 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,566 Who would you say is the most famous person in your phone? 98 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,441 It's not about "who you know." Enlightenment comes from within. 99 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,986 The Dalai Lama texted me that. 100 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,739 Kay, will you make me the happiest man in the world 101 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,498 and agree to be my wife? 102 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,460 No. 103 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,500 Do you think my name is the letter "K"? 104 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:42,465 Just say yes! If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. 105 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,963 Plus, bonus, you get half the stuff I stole! 106 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,677 Yeah, he just confessed to the robbery. 107 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,056 Dammit! 108 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,183 You realise what the problem is, right? 109 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,930 Yes, but there's no way to help. 110 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:03,737 Maybe there is. 111 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:07,490 In the afterlife, they all got better because they helped each other. 112 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,948 And the key to that was Chidi and Eleanor's connection. 113 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,575 If I get the two of them together, everything else will follow. 114 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,956 - Michael, no... - I'm gonna meet Eleanor someplace 115 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,711 and plant the idea in her mind that she needs to find Chidi. 116 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,753 Oh, and then maybe I'll visit Chidi 117 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,085 and make sure that he helps her when she shows up. 118 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,862 I'm just gonna nudge the two of them together. 119 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,002 Just nudgey-nudge-nudge. 120 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,462 The Judge was pretty clear in her instructions 121 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,390 and the Judge is, you know, the Judge 122 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,643 of, you know, The Universe. 123 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,102 She'll never find out. 124 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:40,556 She spends all her time in her chambers bingeing TV shows. 125 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,017 She's watching all of "N.C.I.S." right now! 126 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,488 Hey, there. 127 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,194 Need to head on back to Earth. 128 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,025 Hm. Travel papers? 129 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,533 Yeah. You know, the, uh... Judge said to use the same ones. 130 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,828 Cos I'm, um, you know, visiting the same people. 131 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,335 Yeah, oh yeah... I almost forgot. Brought you a nice hot cup of anti-matter. 132 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,459 I usually only drink decaf anti-matter. 133 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,210 - Ah. - Eh, I'll take it. 134 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,593 It's only 4:30. 135 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,878 - My shift doesn't end till nine billion. - Oof! 136 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,015 What do I owe ya? 137 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,344 The real question, Eleanor... 138 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,017 is "what do we owe to each other?" 139 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,016 What do we owe to each other? 140 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,270 That is the question Tim Scanlon asked decades ago 141 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:28,271 and it is the question I will try to answer over the next three hours. 142 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,984 Are you Chidi Anna... 143 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,241 Kendrick? 144 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,946 Anagonye. And yes. 145 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,449 Great. Hi. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 146 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,040 Can we talk? 147 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:39,917 Sure. 148 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,830 OK. Uh, where do I start? 149 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,746 I'm not, like, the best person in the world. 150 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,756 I'm a trash bag from Arizona 151 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,292 which is saying something. 152 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:52,003 Our biggest exports are racist sheriffs and HPV. 153 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,596 But about a year ago, something crazy happened 154 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,015 and I... 155 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,099 - T'es prêt, Chidi? - Allez-y sans moi. 156 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,594 - Je serai là. - D'accord. 157 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,688 A tout à l'heure. 158 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,394 Sorry, I've been flying for like 40 hours. 159 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,316 This is Australia, right? 160 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,820 Yes, I grew up in Senegal, so my native language is French 161 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,824 but I went to American schools, so I also speak English. 162 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,696 - Oh... - And German, and Greek 163 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:17,028 and Latin, just in case it ever comes back. 164 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,324 Cool. I once got 12 out of 12 on a BuzzFeed quiz called 165 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,876 "Do You Know All the Slang Words the Kardashians Invented?" 166 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,828 - Congratulations? - Thank you. 167 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,875 I'm gonna be honest, I did cheat. 168 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,652 But you were saying something crazy happened to you? 169 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,794 Yes! Uh, I almost died. 170 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,262 And it made me want to become a better person 171 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,968 Which I did, for a while 172 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,892 but then I fell back into my old trash bag ways... 173 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,520 but yesterday I saw your lecture, and something just clicked. 174 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:47,934 Wait, you flew all the way here from Arizona, just to see me? 175 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,061 You know what, don't flatter yourself, pal! 176 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,569 Sorry, that's a knee jerk reaction. Yes, that's exactly what I did. 177 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,909 And I know that seems "zonkatronic" 178 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,281 that's Khloe's word for "crazy" 179 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:03,541 but I need someone to help guide me, morally speaking 180 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,999 and... I think I need it to be you. 181 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,336 What do you say? 182 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,214 Will you help me become a good person? 183 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:15,971 Yes. 184 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,056 I'll start you off with some introductory philosophy books 185 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,517 - and then we'll meet here once a week? - Great! 186 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,315 - Can I ask you something? - Mm-hm. 187 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,605 Why are you helping me? 188 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,657 I'm a teacher. That's my job. 189 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,201 Yeah, but I'm not your student. 190 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,155 I'm just some hot rando who walked in off the street. 191 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,031 There's gotta be another reason. 192 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,417 Yes, there is. Um... 193 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,253 I also had a near-death experience. 194 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,942 - Whoa. - But, I mean, I don't know for sure 195 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,424 that I would've died, but it was pretty nuts... 196 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,198 I-I'm sorry, but this is an important moment in our friendship... 197 00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,491 On your right, mate! 198 00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,596 Geez, watch it, man! 199 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,884 Oh, my God! Are you OK? 200 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,516 That... that is right where I was standing! 201 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,432 I was frozen here, unable to make a simple decision 202 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,355 and I almost got crushed by an air conditioner. 203 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,728 This is a sign. 204 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,321 I shouldn't be using air conditioners! 205 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,153 The Freon is awful for the environment! 206 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,780 That's the lesson you take from this? 207 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,871 Chidi... 208 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,699 Your brain is broken. You need to fix your brain. 209 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:32,915 So, in a nutshell, I have a 3,600 page thesis that I am nowhere near finishing. 210 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:37,802 I am absolutely paralysed by decision-making, and it is destroying my life. 211 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:41,472 Yeah, I sorta got that when you couldn't choose a chair to sit on. 212 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,467 Well, I-I didn't want to offend you in case you had a favourite. 213 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,269 Look, I know I just kind of... 214 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,474 Nope... walked in here 215 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,311 and you don't know me at all, but is there any way to tell 216 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,943 if my indecision is due to, uh... a... brain... thing? 217 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,354 Oh, yeah. Sure. 218 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,364 Well, what we do is, we make a lengthy incision 219 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,617 from your eyebrows to the nape of your neck 220 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,653 and we peel your face back, right? 221 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,196 Then slice your skull open. 222 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:09,125 And then I just randomly stab at your brain with an electrified needle. 223 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,078 The fun part is, you're awake the whole time. 224 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,047 Uh... 225 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,502 I'm kidding! No. 226 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,071 I'll just give you an MRI and look at the part of your brain 227 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,295 that controls decision-making. 228 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,174 Oh, I... I want that! 229 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,465 I need to learn about my brain. Please. 230 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,432 Well, so, you just march into my office unannounced 231 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,348 tell me your brain is broken, then demand I drop everything 232 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,892 and just put you in the university's $3 million MRI machine? 233 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,814 Oh, I'm sorry, I... 234 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,025 I freakin' love it! 235 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,069 You're so weird! Let's go! 236 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,317 - Right now? - Oh, yeah! Come on. 237 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,369 O-OK. 238 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,905 This is your hippocampus. 239 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,207 It regulates memory. Yours looks great! 240 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,376 Very strong, gorgeous hippocampus here. 241 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:58,298 This is your ventromedial prefrontal cortex, the centre of decision-making. 242 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,877 This is where the magic happens! Do you see how it's all lit up? 243 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,159 That's a flurry of activity that occurred when I asked you to choose between 244 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,783 red and blue, and you almost passed out. 245 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,801 Is it too late to pick blue instead? 246 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,765 It is. Yeah. 247 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,224 Point is, at first glance, your brain is very healthy. 248 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,018 Huh, there are... actual answers here. 249 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,440 Data you can observe, and learn from. 250 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,318 Yeah, man! Science is all about getting answers. 251 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:26,402 You philosophers can spend your entire life mulling over a single question. 252 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,116 That's why everyone hates moral philosophy professors. 253 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,456 No offence. 254 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,123 - Nope. None taken. We suck! - Yeah. 255 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,509 Chidi! 256 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,254 One blueberry muffin, please. 257 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,255 So, why do it then? Why choose to be good, every day? 258 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,510 I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people. 259 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,187 Simply put... we are not in this alone. 260 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,932 Thank you. 261 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,059 Wow, Chidi! 262 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,896 You chose that muffin in less than a minute. 263 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,864 That beats your old record by... 264 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,278 59 minutes. 265 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,735 Henry, I feel amazing. 266 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,118 I am 100 pages into my new thesis and it is some of the best writing 267 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,041 that I have ever done. I haven't been this happy since... 268 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,545 Oh, wow. 269 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,833 I've never been happy. Huh! 270 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:20,716 Bad! 271 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,459 I'm proud of you, mate. Must be really nice to live that way. 272 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,045 Well, that's the beauty of it - anyone can live this way. 273 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,677 Just decide to be more decisive. 274 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,744 Like, what's something that you've always wanted to do? 275 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,260 I mean, I have been putting off getting in shape. 276 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:37,143 Then make the decision to wake up tomorrow morning, and get in shape. 277 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,565 It is that easy. 278 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,815 - OK! Maybe I will! - I mean, what have you got to lose? 279 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,020 Nothing! 280 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,319 Henry! What happened to you? 281 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,742 Well, I was using the leg press at the gym 282 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,783 and you know how your legs bend a certain way? 283 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,997 My legs bend the other way now. 284 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,083 Oh, no. 285 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,826 All the tendons in my legs snapped like violin strings. 286 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,206 And then my foot flew forwards and I kicked myself in the face 287 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,373 which gave me a concussion. 288 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,049 This is all my fault. 289 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,880 I did this to you. I... 290 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,921 Muffins! I brought blueberry muffins! 291 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,219 Oh, no, you shouldn't eat blueberries anymore. 292 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,935 Read an article, the migrant workers who pick them are horribly mistreated. 293 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,813 Gaaaaaah! 294 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,106 Morning, Chidi! Blueberry muffin for ya? 295 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,607 Uh... I... I don't know. Maybe? 296 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,521 - I can't decide. - You alright there, mate? 297 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,194 OK, I've made my decision. 298 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,237 I want to... 299 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,612 start crying! 300 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:37,918 Excuse me? 301 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,246 What is the maximum number of books that I can check out? Is it 12,000? 302 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,025 Got a wild weekend planned? 303 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,041 Well, I need to find a new topic for my thesis 304 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,717 and I had this thing happen that made me more decisive 305 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,531 and a few months ago, my friend broke both of his legs 306 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,533 and it's my fault, and blueberries, and I need help! 307 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:52,516 Whoo! 308 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,885 Maybe that help will come from Tay Zonday's autobiography 309 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,265 "Chocolate Book"! I mean, who's to say? 310 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,394 Mate, I've worked in this library a long time 311 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:06,813 and I've seen a lot of academic types with that same helpless look on their faces. 312 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,190 They all made it through OK 313 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,650 once they learned the secret. 314 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,139 What's the secret? There's a secret? Is the secret more books? 315 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,433 - How many more books do I need? - It's not about books, mate. 316 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,323 It's about perspective. 317 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:22,624 Sometimes, when you're feeling helpless, the secret is to help someone else. 318 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,504 Get out of your own head. Trust me. 319 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,874 The next time someone asks for help 320 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,834 say "yes." 321 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,681 A few hours later, you walked in and asked for help. 322 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,927 Now, I don't know if this is going to solve all of my problems 323 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,596 but it's worth a try, right? 324 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,432 Well, thank you, sexy librarian guy! 325 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,525 I didn't say he was sexy. 326 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,437 Oh, I know, but whenever anyone tells me a story about their life 327 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,776 I always imagine all the people as being super hot 328 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,185 otherwise I quickly lose interest. 329 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:53,943 Do you not do that? 330 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,402 You can do it for free. 331 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:02,209 I gotta say, I enjoyed playing the role of "mysterious librarian". 332 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,254 And I really... 333 00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:05,587 ...nailed the Australian accent. 334 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,289 Uh-huh. Flawless. 335 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,341 Thank you. 336 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:12,507 But the point is, Eleanor and Chidi are together and now we can relax. 337 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,805 Everything is finally on track. 338 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,099 Status report. 339 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:25,058 They're plugging away, but we still can't hack into the Judge's system. 340 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,234 Damn it! 341 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,068 Those four humans have been on Earth for over a year. 342 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,525 I need to know if they're getting better. 343 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,773 Can I just ask... 344 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,318 we torture like 30 billion humans. 345 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,368 Why do you care so much about these four? 346 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,541 Never mind. 347 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,834 Forget I asked. 348 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,457 Serves him right for questioning you, boss! 349 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,960 - I think you're doing a great job. - Thank you, Todd. 350 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:50,592 No-no-no...! 351 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:51,671 Why did you do that? 352 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,969 I'm a demon. It's fun. 353 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,764 No one leaves this room until we've accessed the Judge's system. 354 00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,551 Would music help? Should I play some music? 355 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,187 Good idea. 356 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,805 Choose something deeply terrible, to inspire us. 357 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,607 ♪ Wherever you go ♪ - Oh, yeah. 358 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,529 ♪ Whatever you do ♪ - That's the stuff. 359 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,819 So, for Aristotle, virtue is practical. 360 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,453 "Goodness" isn't something that a person just inherently has 361 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,749 it's something that she achieves through her actions. 362 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,293 - Questions? - Uh, yeah, a few. 363 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,129 I wrote down, "What?", "Huh?" 364 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:33,046 and then this doodle of a burrito, because when I first read "Aristotle" 365 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,131 I thought it was pronounced like "Chipotle." 366 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,713 Wait a minute, is it "Chippa-tottle?" 367 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:43,598 These are all great questions, but I have to meet my thesis advisor across campus. 368 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:46,055 Oh. Uh, well, I'm headed that way too. I'll walk with you. 369 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,435 Hey, so... 370 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,560 I've been trying to figure out how to pay you back for helping me. 371 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,816 I told you, you don't owe me anything. 372 00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,816 At home, when I want to get something nice for one of my friends 373 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,697 it usually comes in the form of something... 374 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,246 edible. 375 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,326 You get what I'm saying? An edible thing? 376 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,540 - Please don't buy me drugs. - OK. Copy that. 377 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,169 I had no choice. I was in his driveway taking pictures when he walked out. 378 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,998 So I said, "Hey, Mister Crowe, I'm from the gas company. 379 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,298 I loved you in Gladiator. 380 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,384 Chidi! 381 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,302 - Hey! - Hey. 382 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,465 - I got a question... - Is it "What's my thesis topic?" 383 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:20,221 - Because I still don't know! - No, it's not that. 384 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,471 Oh, I'm sorry, you guys haven't met yet. 385 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,010 Um, Simone, this is Eleanor. 386 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,053 The famous Simone! Nice to meet you. 387 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,231 You too. 388 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,441 So, I've gotta do some MRI scans as a control for an experiment 389 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,645 and since you loved it so much last time, I was wondering if you could just 390 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,739 - pop back in there, help me out? - Oh, absolutely. 391 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,024 Cool. OK, well, just come by my lab at six 392 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,013 and then afterwards I can buy you dinner as a thank you. 393 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,949 Oh, no, no, you don't have to do that. 394 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,363 Oh. OK! 395 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,991 Well, uh... I'll see ya later. Nice to meet you. 396 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,084 You too. 397 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:52,583 - What? - Uh... 398 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,958 you and Simone had some real professor dork vibes flowing. 399 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,882 You're both teachers... who are hot for a teacher! 400 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,763 How have you not asked her out yet? 401 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,849 Are you scared? 402 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,513 No, it's not impressive to guess that I'm scared, Eleanor. 403 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:09,646 I'm scared of everything. And I can't just... do things like that. 404 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,143 - Just drop it, OK? - Well... 405 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,184 OK, just promise me you'll drop it? 406 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:15,737 OK. 407 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:16,946 I promise. 408 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,569 So, you're into Chidi, right? 409 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:23,068 I mean, forgive my bluntness, but I'm usually right about these things. 410 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,371 Well, yeah, but I've made it pretty clear a bunch of times 411 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,453 and he's never responded, so I just assumed he wasn't interested. 412 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,871 OK, I'm all set. 413 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,791 I'm just gonna ask you some basic questions, Chidi, uh... 414 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,463 what is one plus one? 415 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,207 - Two. - What colour is the sky? 416 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,131 - Blue. - What colour are Simone's eyes? 417 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,387 Brown. Wh... I... uh, what? 418 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,216 If you could take Simone anywhere, on a date 419 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,635 where would you take her? 420 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,682 Sorry, is this part of the experiment? 421 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,888 It is now. Yes. 422 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,000 Please answer the question. 423 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,232 And keep in mind we can see your brain. 424 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,776 Next question, you are into Simone. 425 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:57,904 That's not a question. 426 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,813 So you agree, it's a fact. 427 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,235 Next question's for Simone. 428 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,693 Simone, are you annoyed at Chidi for waiting so long to ask you out? 429 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:05,745 Yes, I am. 430 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,614 Chidi, same question for you, are you annoyed at yourself 431 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,449 for waiting so long to ask out Simone? 432 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,331 I mean, I'm annoyed with you and I've only known you three weeks. 433 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:16,588 Yes, I am obviously very annoyed with myself. 434 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,132 - Can I get out now? - No, you can't, it'll ruin the science. 435 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:22,924 There's only one question left, and you gotta ask it, bud. 436 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,593 Simone, would you like to have dinner with me? 437 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,143 Wow. That is highly inappropriate. 438 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,437 Uh... 439 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,064 I'm just kidding. Yes, I would. Thank you for asking. 440 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,567 Oh, cute! 441 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,769 This is a disaster! 442 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,070 Michael, relax. 443 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,821 How the two of them gonna bond? 444 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,867 There were plenty of reboots where Eleanor and Chidi weren't even soulmates 445 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,617 and he still always helped her. 446 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,071 Simone and Chidi are good together! 447 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:52,074 I've been running simulations on what their kids will be like. 448 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,747 One of them is hot enough to be on The Bachelor 449 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,579 and smart enough to never go on The Bachelor! 450 00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,543 This is not just about Chidi. 451 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,500 I've left too much to chance. 452 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,804 Until our group is back together again, this whole thing is hanging by a thread. 453 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,259 I'm going back down. 454 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,053 You're pressing your luck. 455 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,931 If you keep disobeying Mummy, something bad is going to happen! 456 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:13,765 - What? - Oh, I don't have a mum 457 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:17,558 so I've been experimenting with thinking of the Judge as my mum. 458 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:18,903 It's weird. 459 00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:19,820 - Forget it. - OK. 460 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:22,233 How are you even gonna get Jason and Tahani to Australia? 461 00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,656 I have no idea. But I have to try. 462 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:25,950 Well... 463 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,868 Good luck, Dad. 464 00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,451 Nope! Also weird. Just go. 36078

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.