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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,482 --> 00:00:03,482 Wish me luck. 2 00:00:03,551 --> 00:00:05,241 I'’m going into Mike'’s office with an idea 3 00:00:05,310 --> 00:00:07,172 and i'’m coming out with my own column. 4 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:09,517 I really admire your determination, Sabrina. 5 00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:11,137 I mean, who else could go in there 6 00:00:11,206 --> 00:00:12,586 with such a positive attitude 7 00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:13,895 knowing that Mike has shot down 8 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,103 every intern who'’s ever tried to write for the paper. 9 00:00:16,172 --> 00:00:18,103 I didn'’t know that. 10 00:00:18,172 --> 00:00:19,586 Oh, I just made that up. 11 00:00:19,655 --> 00:00:20,724 Funny joke, huh? 12 00:00:20,793 --> 00:00:22,275 Yeah... undermining my confidence 13 00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:24,000 at the pivotal point in my career. 14 00:00:24,068 --> 00:00:25,344 A laugh riot. 15 00:00:25,413 --> 00:00:26,793 Wait, let me rephrase that. 16 00:00:26,862 --> 00:00:28,965 Good luck, you'’re going to knock him dead. 17 00:00:29,034 --> 00:00:31,758 Much better. 18 00:00:31,827 --> 00:00:33,655 Mm-hmm. 19 00:00:33,724 --> 00:00:35,896 Well... 20 00:00:35,965 --> 00:00:38,413 Have a seat. 21 00:00:38,482 --> 00:00:40,000 Yeah. 22 00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,896 No, no. 23 00:00:41,965 --> 00:00:43,965 I'’m just finishing up with Anna quindlen. 24 00:00:44,034 --> 00:00:46,724 Oh, my god, Anna quindlen. 25 00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:49,793 Look, quindlen, I Don'’t care how many pulitzers you'’ve won. 26 00:00:49,862 --> 00:00:52,482 Your piece on antidepressants was, frankly, a downer. 27 00:00:52,551 --> 00:00:55,137 It wouldn'’t hurt to reacquaint yourself with punctuation. 28 00:00:56,482 --> 00:00:58,931 So, spellman, what do you want? 29 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,620 Oh, nothing. 30 00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,517 I just, you know, was thinking about... 31 00:01:02,586 --> 00:01:04,413 Ordering a new swivel chair for my house 32 00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:07,034 and this one seems very swivelly. 33 00:01:07,103 --> 00:01:08,206 Got to go. 34 00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:10,137 Wait a minute... you got a folder in your hand 35 00:01:10,206 --> 00:01:11,310 that says "ideas for Mike." 36 00:01:11,379 --> 00:01:14,862 Oh, well, I kind of had an idea for a column. 37 00:01:14,931 --> 00:01:16,531 Well, why Don'’t you kind of spit it out? 38 00:01:16,586 --> 00:01:17,896 Okay, well, the Boston area 39 00:01:17,965 --> 00:01:19,551 has more than 30 college campuses. 40 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:21,241 I mean, they'’re all over the place 41 00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:23,931 like Starbucks and Regis philbin. 42 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,896 I just thought there might be a huge audience 43 00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,448 for a column about college students 44 00:01:27,517 --> 00:01:28,551 and the issues they face. 45 00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,206 Go on. 46 00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:31,620 Well, um, for example 47 00:01:31,689 --> 00:01:33,655 college life is very stressful. 48 00:01:33,724 --> 00:01:35,448 You want stressful? 49 00:01:35,517 --> 00:01:37,551 Take a look at my last angiogram. 50 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:38,758 What'’s your angle? 51 00:01:38,827 --> 00:01:41,137 Most students are up to their necks in loans. 52 00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:43,034 But how can they have time to study 53 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,034 when they have to take menial jobs just to stay afloat? 54 00:01:46,103 --> 00:01:50,000 So, sacrificing their future just to survive in the present. 55 00:01:51,103 --> 00:01:52,448 That'’s, that'’s very good. 56 00:01:52,517 --> 00:01:53,379 You think so? 57 00:01:53,448 --> 00:01:54,655 Yeah. 58 00:01:54,724 --> 00:01:56,793 So did the New York times magazine section. 59 00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:58,724 They ran a piece on it six months ago. 60 00:01:58,793 --> 00:02:03,068 Oh, well, how about this topic... sex. 61 00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:05,413 Hot topic, hot-hot-hot. 62 00:02:05,482 --> 00:02:06,896 What about sex? 63 00:02:06,965 --> 00:02:09,137 Well, most students wrestle with the pressure. 64 00:02:09,206 --> 00:02:11,137 I mean, morally, they may want to abstain 65 00:02:11,206 --> 00:02:12,517 yet the media bombards them 66 00:02:12,586 --> 00:02:14,551 with a constant stream of sexual imagery. 67 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,793 Now that'’s very timely 68 00:02:16,862 --> 00:02:19,206 which is why it was on the cover of time. 69 00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:22,275 Oh, well, what about any of these topics? 70 00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:27,241 I'’ll tell you what, I like them all. 71 00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:30,137 Unfortunately, i'’ve also read them all. 72 00:02:30,206 --> 00:02:31,275 This proves that 73 00:02:31,344 --> 00:02:32,724 you have good instincts, Sabrina. 74 00:02:32,793 --> 00:02:34,310 Now, I want you to keep at it, okay? 75 00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:36,448 I'’m sure you'’re going to come up with something. 76 00:02:36,517 --> 00:02:38,172 You'’re right. Thanks. 77 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,517 Oh, i'’ve got it! 78 00:02:39,586 --> 00:02:41,655 College students... Give them a second chance 79 00:02:41,724 --> 00:02:43,379 and they'’ll come up with something. 80 00:02:43,448 --> 00:02:44,448 Keep thinking. 81 00:02:46,344 --> 00:02:48,379 College students... They keep thinking. 82 00:02:55,586 --> 00:02:59,620 ♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪ 83 00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:06,206 ♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪ 84 00:03:06,275 --> 00:03:09,379 ♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪ 85 00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:13,517 ♪ I wanna make it last... 86 00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:19,034 ♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪ 87 00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:23,689 ♪ and I like the way it feels. 88 00:03:29,068 --> 00:03:31,137 Knit one, purl two. 89 00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:32,793 Knit one, purl two. 90 00:03:32,862 --> 00:03:35,655 ♪ Knit one, purl two, pick a bale of cotton ♪ 91 00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:38,517 ♪ knit one, purl two, pick a bale a day... ♪ 92 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:41,586 Hilda, what do you think you'’re doing? 93 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,000 Knitting, and singing folk songs. 94 00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:45,827 Quite well, I might add. 95 00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:48,137 Oh, my new hobby is so relaxing. 96 00:03:48,206 --> 00:03:49,586 Salem: Maybe for you 97 00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:51,862 but i'’m trying to concentrate on 98 00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,310 expanding my intellectual horizons. 99 00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:56,931 "There once was a witch from Helsinki..." 100 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,896 Who did what with her pinky? 101 00:03:59,965 --> 00:04:02,172 Salem, who'’s sending you this garbage? 102 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:05,137 Nastygirl, at theslammer.Org. 103 00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:06,965 Me-ow. 104 00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:10,000 Oh, I wish this airhead nastygirl 105 00:04:10,068 --> 00:04:12,379 would stop sending me these stupid limericks. 106 00:04:12,448 --> 00:04:13,551 At least you get limericks. 107 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,068 I get letters condemning me to hell 108 00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:16,344 if I Don'’t reply immediately. 109 00:04:16,413 --> 00:04:18,551 Never give your email address to your mother. 110 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:21,137 I am so close to getting my own column for the newspaper 111 00:04:21,206 --> 00:04:22,827 I Don'’t have time to deal with this. 112 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,551 "Dear airhead... 113 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,931 "stop harassing me with your annoying emails. 114 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,413 They'’re nothing but mindless garbage." 115 00:04:30,482 --> 00:04:32,000 Could you forward that to my mother? 116 00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:33,172 Miles, I need a hook. 117 00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,896 Say I was writing an insightful 118 00:04:34,965 --> 00:04:36,482 sophisticated article on sex. 119 00:04:36,551 --> 00:04:38,034 What would a good angle be? 120 00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,448 Why i'’m not having any? 121 00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:41,310 Say the story was about stress. 122 00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:43,655 Why i'’m the poster boy for stress. 123 00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:45,655 Suppose the story wasn'’t about you. 124 00:04:45,724 --> 00:04:46,724 Then you'’re on your own. 125 00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:52,413 Airhead? 126 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:54,482 Mindless garbage? 127 00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:57,344 I may be an evil twin, but I still have feelings. 128 00:04:57,413 --> 00:05:00,068 Let'’s see, I could turn the other cheek 129 00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:03,551 forgive and forget, or... 130 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,068 Ruin Sabrina'’s life 131 00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:07,482 by emailing her a nasty computer virus. 132 00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:11,172 Ha, we'’ll see who'’s the airhead now. 133 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,620 Computer: Email. 134 00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:14,551 "Apologies from nastygirl." 135 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:17,034 Good, I guess whoever it is got the message. 136 00:05:17,103 --> 00:05:18,965 [ Sneezes] 137 00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:20,413 Whoa, what was that? 138 00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,137 [ Sneezes] 139 00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:28,827 Oh, my god, that was like, so weird. 140 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,413 They say ignorance is bliss. 141 00:05:30,482 --> 00:05:32,931 Sabrina, you'’re about to be very, very happy. 142 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,586 [ Laughing evilly] 143 00:05:36,655 --> 00:05:39,620 Spellman, you'’re not going to believe what I just heard. 144 00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:42,413 Adams is thinking about cutting scholarships by 25%. 145 00:05:42,482 --> 00:05:44,068 Whatever. 146 00:05:44,137 --> 00:05:46,620 Hey, what do you think if I highlighted my eyebrows? 147 00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:47,862 Maybe you didn'’t hear me. 148 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,482 This is something that could affect my entire future. 149 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,379 Oh, and the color of my eyebrows doesn'’t affect mine? 150 00:05:53,448 --> 00:05:55,172 I mean, if I go even one shade too dark 151 00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:56,551 it could, like, totally trash 152 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,241 all the work i'’ve done with my hair! 153 00:05:58,310 --> 00:05:59,241 What'’s going on with you? 154 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,000 Did all your brains fall out of your head? 155 00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:04,275 Oh, no, I Don'’t see any brains. 156 00:06:04,344 --> 00:06:06,310 Oh! Although I did find a nickel. 157 00:06:06,379 --> 00:06:07,551 Whoo-hoo! 158 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:09,724 Here, you can put that toward your college fund. 159 00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:10,862 Thanks. 160 00:06:10,931 --> 00:06:12,931 Now all I need is 20,000 more. 161 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,724 Oh, well, i'’ll keep looking. 162 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:19,862 ♪ Swing low, sweet chariot 163 00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:23,310 ♪ coming for to carry me home... ♪ 164 00:06:23,379 --> 00:06:27,000 Hilda, shouldn'’t you be carrying yourself to work? 165 00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:29,689 I'’ll leave right after I finish this row. 166 00:06:29,758 --> 00:06:32,482 So far, i'’ve made two scarves, a throw rug 167 00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:35,068 and well, whatever this thing is. 168 00:06:35,137 --> 00:06:39,137 Why, grandma, what big eyes you have. 169 00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:41,379 The better to see how ridiculous you look. 170 00:06:41,448 --> 00:06:44,379 Hilda'’s new obsession is doing wonders for my wardrobe. 171 00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:45,793 How'’s my tube top coming? 172 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:48,172 I'’m on it. 173 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,793 Sabrina. 174 00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:51,482 Oh, hi, Mikey. 175 00:06:51,551 --> 00:06:52,793 Mikey? 176 00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,379 Yeah, it'’s a fun nickname for Mike. 177 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,103 Yeah, I got that. 178 00:06:56,172 --> 00:06:58,931 You get a chance to sharpen up those ideas you were working on? 179 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,793 Actually, i'’ve been working on sharpening my nails. 180 00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:04,103 Mm-hmm, well, come join us at the conference table. 181 00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:05,241 I think you'’ll find 182 00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:07,034 my staff is a little better at the whole 183 00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:08,586 "give the new kid a break" thing. 184 00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:10,413 Oh, well, I Don'’t need a break yet 185 00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:12,137 but maybe after the meeting. 186 00:07:12,206 --> 00:07:14,172 Hi, joshie. 187 00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:15,758 Joshie? 188 00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:17,793 Yeah, it'’s a fun nickname for Josh. 189 00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:19,344 You'’re catching on. 190 00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:22,310 Folks, you all know Sabrina, our intern. 191 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:24,517 She'’s got some ideas she wants to run by us. 192 00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:26,448 Be nice or you may find something weird 193 00:07:26,517 --> 00:07:27,793 turning up in your coffee. 194 00:07:29,344 --> 00:07:31,965 So, Sabrina, college students and their experiences. 195 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,689 What are some of these ideas you want to write about? 196 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:38,379 Okey-dokey, well, um, my first idea is... 197 00:07:38,448 --> 00:07:39,896 Guys. 198 00:07:39,965 --> 00:07:41,586 What about guys? 199 00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:44,724 Well, um, where are all the cute guys on campus? 200 00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:45,862 I mean, it seems like 201 00:07:45,931 --> 00:07:47,734 there are tons of girls who want a cute boyfriend 202 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,113 but there aren'’t enough to go around. 203 00:07:49,137 --> 00:07:50,931 So, you want to write a story 204 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,000 about getting a cute boyfriend? 205 00:07:53,068 --> 00:07:54,931 Well, not for me. I already have one. 206 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,758 Yeah, joshie. 207 00:07:56,827 --> 00:07:58,241 And your second column will be what? 208 00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,551 Ten ways to get thinner thighs? 209 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:00,724 Oh, I like it. 210 00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:02,344 Although, we should do that one first 211 00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,862 because you'’ll never get a cute boyfriend with fat thighs. 212 00:08:04,931 --> 00:08:07,068 I think Sabrina'’s just having fun with us. 213 00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:08,379 Come on, tell them about 214 00:08:08,448 --> 00:08:10,931 the story you want to write on campus security. 215 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,034 Oh, campus security is a big problem. 216 00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:14,655 How so? 217 00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:15,827 Well, I know this girl Pam 218 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,172 who'’s, like, so insecure 219 00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:19,689 and it'’s crazy because she has, like, totally great hair. 220 00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:21,034 It'’s the color of my eyebrows. 221 00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,172 I'’m sorry. 222 00:08:22,241 --> 00:08:23,517 What'’s the story about? 223 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,206 Well, if Pam was more secure 224 00:08:25,275 --> 00:08:27,758 she could probably get herself a cute guy. 225 00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:29,586 Should I start writing now? 226 00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:31,758 Not just yet, no. 227 00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:33,275 Okey-dokey. 228 00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:39,965 Proud of me? 229 00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:41,172 Are you kidding? 230 00:08:41,241 --> 00:08:42,724 You just made a fool of yourself 231 00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,068 and you made a fool of me. 232 00:08:44,137 --> 00:08:46,551 Sabrina, I went out on a limb to get you this job. 233 00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:48,275 '’cause i'’m your girlfriend. 234 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:49,448 What is wrong with you? 235 00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:50,586 [ Wind blowing] 236 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,344 And am I crazy, or is there wind coming through your ears? 237 00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:55,413 Oh, better than from someplace else. 238 00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:56,620 [ Giggling inanely] 239 00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:57,793 I made a funny! 240 00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,310 Will you knock it off? 241 00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:02,034 This was your big shot and you blew it. 242 00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:03,562 They'’re never going to want you as a writer. 243 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,148 You'’ll be lucky if they keep you as an intern. 244 00:09:05,172 --> 00:09:06,965 Joshie, why are you being such a grump? 245 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:08,965 I mean, maybe they liked the stuff I said. 246 00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:10,793 They hated it, all right? I hated it. 247 00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:12,838 Well, I happen to think I said some really cool stuff 248 00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,044 and if you Don'’t think it'’s cool 249 00:09:14,068 --> 00:09:15,551 then maybe I Don'’t think you'’re cool 250 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,769 and if you'’re not cool then maybe I Don'’t want to be with you. 251 00:09:17,793 --> 00:09:19,344 Are you breaking up with me? 252 00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:21,620 Okay, sure, we'’re broken up, whatever. 253 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:23,724 Hey, how do you think i'’d look with bangs? 254 00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:26,275 I Don'’t care how you'’d look with bangs. 255 00:09:26,344 --> 00:09:27,724 That is so insensitive. 256 00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:29,068 No wonder we broke up. 257 00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:30,827 Buh-bye. 258 00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:38,172 Hey, guys. 259 00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:39,862 Oh, Sabrina, Josh just dropped by. 260 00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:41,413 He'’s really worried about you. 261 00:09:41,482 --> 00:09:43,068 He said something about you going... 262 00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,586 What was that? 263 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,517 Oh, yeah, insane. 264 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,793 Ooh, neiman'’s. 265 00:09:48,862 --> 00:09:51,137 Josh said you broke up with him. 266 00:09:51,206 --> 00:09:52,793 Is he still going on about that? 267 00:09:52,862 --> 00:09:53,862 That was hours ago. 268 00:09:53,931 --> 00:09:55,586 I love your boots. 269 00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:57,275 And I love your blouse. 270 00:09:57,344 --> 00:09:58,034 Thanks. 271 00:09:58,103 --> 00:09:59,689 It was either tiger print or zebra. 272 00:09:59,758 --> 00:10:01,620 Harvey likes me better in the tiger. 273 00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:03,482 [ Roars] 274 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:06,000 Harvey, I never knew you like tiger. 275 00:10:06,068 --> 00:10:07,482 You know who I like? 276 00:10:07,551 --> 00:10:09,206 Tiger Woods. He'’s so cute. 277 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,551 I wonder if he heard that Josh and I broke up. 278 00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:12,620 I should call him. 279 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,172 Sabrina, are you all right? 280 00:10:14,241 --> 00:10:15,896 You Don'’t seem like yourself. 281 00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:17,379 I know. Isn'’t it great? 282 00:10:17,448 --> 00:10:19,758 You know, Morgan, now that I think about it 283 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,758 everyone is wearing tiger this year. 284 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,482 It'’s the hot seller at Wal-Mart. 285 00:10:23,551 --> 00:10:25,068 Wal-Mart? 286 00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:26,068 Excuse me. 287 00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:28,931 I'’ve got a large animal print to return. 288 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,413 I love Wal-Mart and K-Mart. 289 00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:31,482 All the marts. 290 00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:32,931 Hey, let'’s go shopping. 291 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,448 We'’re not going anywhere. 292 00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:35,931 I just made up that stuff 293 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,344 so Morgan would leave. 294 00:10:37,413 --> 00:10:39,310 Oh, I get it. 295 00:10:39,379 --> 00:10:41,344 No, I Don'’t. 296 00:10:41,413 --> 00:10:43,068 Sabrina, i'’m no expert on magic 297 00:10:43,137 --> 00:10:45,620 but it looks to me like you'’re under a spell. 298 00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:47,034 Spell? 299 00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:48,310 You'’re a witch, remember? 300 00:10:48,379 --> 00:10:51,275 Oh, my gosh! You'’re right! 301 00:10:51,344 --> 00:10:54,448 Hey, I never have to go shopping again. 302 00:10:54,517 --> 00:10:56,413 Do you want a car or something? 303 00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:59,517 Sabrina, I think we need to go for a little drive. 304 00:10:59,586 --> 00:11:00,965 Okay, then, car it is. 305 00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:02,379 I feel like a Porsche. 306 00:11:02,448 --> 00:11:04,793 I Don'’t drive a stick. 307 00:11:04,862 --> 00:11:06,517 You do now. 308 00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:17,448 Oh, good lord. 309 00:11:17,517 --> 00:11:20,103 Hilda! Hilda, we need to talk! 310 00:11:20,172 --> 00:11:21,862 I'’m right here. 311 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,275 This has gone far enough. 312 00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:26,241 I demand that you stop on behalf of sheep everywhere. 313 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,034 What are you getting so worked up about? 314 00:11:28,103 --> 00:11:30,206 Your new hobby has become a pathology. 315 00:11:30,275 --> 00:11:31,931 You are addicted to knitting. 316 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,137 Zelly, I knit because it relaxes me. 317 00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:36,103 I can stop any time I want to. 318 00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:38,413 Look at you. You are knitting alone. 319 00:11:38,482 --> 00:11:41,379 You'’re hiding balls of yarn under yarn cozies. 320 00:11:41,448 --> 00:11:43,965 You'’ve knitted yourself into a woolen pod. 321 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,310 You are a knit-aholic. 322 00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:46,862 A knit-phomaniac. A knitwit. 323 00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,000 Knitwit? That'’s cute. 324 00:11:48,068 --> 00:11:49,896 I'’m going to knit that on a pillow. 325 00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:53,482 Hi. 326 00:11:53,551 --> 00:11:56,413 Sabrina, Harvey, what brings you here? 327 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,448 Harvey'’s new car. It'’s awesome. 328 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,517 I think Sabrina'’s under some kind of spell. 329 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:01,862 She'’s acting really weird. 330 00:12:01,931 --> 00:12:02,931 Define "weird." 331 00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:05,413 There'’s only one way to find out. 332 00:12:05,482 --> 00:12:08,965 Sabrina, dear, put your finger on your nose 333 00:12:09,034 --> 00:12:11,689 balance on one foot and say "ah." 334 00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:14,206 Ah! 335 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,137 Interesting. 336 00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,758 Aunt Zelda, this game is fun. 337 00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:20,862 Okay, um, touch your elbow, put your leg behind your neck 338 00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:22,344 and say "whee"! 339 00:12:22,413 --> 00:12:23,931 Harvey, I think she may have 340 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,482 some sort of airhead virus. 341 00:12:25,551 --> 00:12:26,896 Hilda, what do you think? 342 00:12:28,551 --> 00:12:29,758 Hilda, what do you think! 343 00:12:29,827 --> 00:12:33,758 I'’m sorry. I was knitting. 344 00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:36,310 Oh! Is it hot in here or is it just me? 345 00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:38,758 I'’ve never seen Sabrina like this before. 346 00:12:38,827 --> 00:12:40,206 What are we going to do? 347 00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:42,235 First thing we'’re going to do is an intervention. 348 00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:44,448 Harvey, I may need a hand. 349 00:12:44,517 --> 00:12:45,448 Hilda, that'’s it. 350 00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,137 I'’m taking away your needles! 351 00:12:47,206 --> 00:12:48,103 Hey! 352 00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:50,620 Your niece is in trouble and needs your help. 353 00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,586 Harvey, on the count of three, pull. 354 00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:54,551 One, two 355 00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:55,827 three! 356 00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:02,413 Whoa! Guess I can skip spinning class. 357 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,965 Just as I feared. 358 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,379 What is it? 359 00:13:05,448 --> 00:13:07,379 Sabrina'’s head is completely empty. 360 00:13:07,448 --> 00:13:10,206 That airhead virus must have drained her of all her substance. 361 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:14,517 This crossbreeze is so refreshing. 362 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,931 Sabrina, have you opened any unusual emails lately? 363 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,206 No, not really. 364 00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:22,137 Oh, well, there was this one about a witch from Helsinki 365 00:13:22,206 --> 00:13:24,482 who did the strangest thing with her pinkie. 366 00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:27,827 I didn'’t really understand it. 367 00:13:27,896 --> 00:13:30,517 I didn'’t get it at first, either, but here'’s how I see it. 368 00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:33,965 Hilda, that email was from theslammer. Org 369 00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:36,000 the other realm prison. 370 00:13:36,068 --> 00:13:38,103 Why would someone in the other realm prison 371 00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:39,172 want to hurt Sabrina? 372 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:40,551 Who would be so evil? 373 00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:45,827 There once was a witch from east Venus... 374 00:13:45,896 --> 00:13:48,586 Katrina, you evil thing. 375 00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:49,379 Thank you. 376 00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:50,758 How could you turn my niece 377 00:13:50,827 --> 00:13:51,517 into an idiot? 378 00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:53,413 I just hit enter. It was a snap. 379 00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:55,517 Well, you'’re not going to get away with this. 380 00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,172 Oh, yeah? And who'’s going to stop me? 381 00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:58,931 The smartest... And according to many... 382 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,137 Most beautiful witch in any realm. 383 00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:04,206 Somebody asking for me? 384 00:14:04,275 --> 00:14:05,448 Jezebelda 385 00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:08,137 I thought you would have worked you way up to solitary by now. 386 00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:09,862 Stick around a while longer. 387 00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:11,965 You'’ll be the reason I get there. 388 00:14:12,034 --> 00:14:15,068 I'’d love to trade threats, but i'’m here on urgent business. 389 00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:18,827 Katrina, I need the antidote for that airhead virus. 390 00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:21,379 So that'’s the problem. 391 00:14:21,448 --> 00:14:23,793 You do seem a little more dumber than last time. 392 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,172 I am not more dumber. Sabrina'’s more dumber. 393 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,448 And there'’s no such thing as more dumber. 394 00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:30,758 Well, guess what, brainiac. 395 00:14:30,827 --> 00:14:32,689 There is no antidote. 396 00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,206 Looks like you came for nothing 397 00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:35,689 unless you want to stay for lunch. 398 00:14:35,758 --> 00:14:36,689 It'’s taco Thursday. 399 00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:37,827 There'’s only one way 400 00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:39,689 to give Sabrina back her substance. 401 00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:40,827 Don'’t tell her. 402 00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:41,655 I won'’t... 403 00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,655 Unless she should happen to zap me 404 00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:46,241 some of my very favorite Mary Kay products. 405 00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:48,206 I'’d just kill for some lip liner. 406 00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:49,965 You already did. 407 00:14:50,034 --> 00:14:52,275 I hate bribes, but this is an emergency. 408 00:14:54,137 --> 00:14:56,344 Oh, my favorite! 409 00:14:56,413 --> 00:14:57,689 Tallahassee tope. 410 00:14:57,758 --> 00:14:59,448 You wouldn'’t betray me 411 00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:01,758 evil twins stick together. 412 00:15:01,827 --> 00:15:02,827 No, they Don'’t. 413 00:15:02,896 --> 00:15:05,034 They sell each other out in a heartbeat. 414 00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:07,379 If Sabrina wants to get back her substance 415 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,586 she has to relearn all of life'’s lessons 416 00:15:09,655 --> 00:15:11,620 and she has to do it by daybreak tomorrow 417 00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:14,206 or she'’ll be a pea brain the rest of her born days. 418 00:15:14,275 --> 00:15:15,862 You cheap tramp! 419 00:15:15,931 --> 00:15:16,862 Not any more. 420 00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:19,310 I got me my Mary Kay spring sampler. 421 00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:21,000 And I got me my antidote. 422 00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:23,034 I'’ve got to get me out of here 423 00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:25,517 while my I.Q. Still has three digits. 424 00:15:25,586 --> 00:15:26,862 Well, actually, four. 425 00:15:30,689 --> 00:15:32,827 [ Squeaking] 426 00:15:32,896 --> 00:15:36,103 I knew this scarf would come in handy someday. 427 00:15:36,172 --> 00:15:37,724 Okay, i'’ve got the antidote 428 00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:39,448 but we have a lot of work to do. 429 00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:41,862 First, get that scarf out of Sabrina'’s head. 430 00:15:44,206 --> 00:15:46,655 Second, we have to play a little game. 431 00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:47,793 Oh, like the other game 432 00:15:47,862 --> 00:15:49,827 where I stand on one foot and touch my nose? 433 00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:51,379 No. This game is called 434 00:15:51,448 --> 00:15:54,931 "we put everything you used to know back into your head 435 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,551 "and you commit it to memory and then apply it 436 00:15:57,620 --> 00:16:00,000 to every waking moment of your daily life." 437 00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,275 Poo. 438 00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,482 Can'’t we play kerplunk? 439 00:16:02,551 --> 00:16:04,551 Oh, I love kerplunk. 440 00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,034 Kerplunk. 441 00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:08,758 That is not how you play. 442 00:16:08,827 --> 00:16:11,689 Sabrina, in order to be a person of substance 443 00:16:11,758 --> 00:16:13,965 one must exercise rational thought 444 00:16:14,034 --> 00:16:16,793 but never at the expense of human emotion. 445 00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:19,103 Do I get to, like, buy railroads or something? 446 00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:21,379 Maybe we should start with something simple. 447 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,551 Do unto others 448 00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:25,275 as you would have them do unto you. 449 00:16:25,344 --> 00:16:27,551 A penny saved is a penny earned. 450 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,103 Don'’t eat yellow snow. 451 00:16:31,793 --> 00:16:32,896 What? 452 00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:36,137 To insure that our democracy functions properly 453 00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,413 we need a system of checks and... 454 00:16:38,482 --> 00:16:39,827 Credit cards. 455 00:16:39,896 --> 00:16:40,931 Checks and balances. 456 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,931 Is that how they 457 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,517 came up with "balancing your checkbook"? 458 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:45,724 No. 459 00:16:45,793 --> 00:16:48,137 She'’s not even under a spell. 460 00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,655 Now, where were we? 461 00:16:49,724 --> 00:16:51,241 Talking about the government 462 00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,379 and our system of checks and balances. 463 00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:55,620 Wow, something actually made it through. 464 00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:58,137 Excellent! It'’s time to seize the moment. 465 00:16:58,206 --> 00:16:59,310 But first we eat. 466 00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:00,896 Dibs on the egg salad. 467 00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:03,551 Morgan, I Don'’t get it. 468 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:06,206 It'’s like Sabrina is a completely different person. 469 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,068 Don'’t look a gift horse in the mouth. 470 00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:10,310 Hey, I like the Sabrina I know. 471 00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:11,965 Well, maybe the Sabrina you knew 472 00:17:12,034 --> 00:17:13,310 wasn'’t the real Sabrina. 473 00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:15,448 Maybe she needed time to get comfortable 474 00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,620 with you before showing her true self. 475 00:17:17,689 --> 00:17:20,000 Yeah, but how does a person suddenly go 476 00:17:20,068 --> 00:17:22,310 from being intelligent and thoughtful 477 00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:23,827 to being a total airhead? 478 00:17:23,896 --> 00:17:25,379 She'’s not an airhead. 479 00:17:25,448 --> 00:17:28,862 She'’s just embracing the material things in life 480 00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:31,275 which strikes me as very healthy. 481 00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:34,896 So you'’re saying the real Sabrina'’s just like you? 482 00:17:34,965 --> 00:17:35,896 Just like me. 483 00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:37,551 Anything else I can get for you? 484 00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:39,172 A bucket? 485 00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:43,241 The mesozoic era was? 486 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:46,379 The third era of geological time 487 00:17:46,448 --> 00:17:49,551 including the triassic, Jurassic 488 00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,551 and cretaceous periods. 489 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,620 Excellent. 490 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,206 The early bird...? 491 00:17:54,275 --> 00:17:55,275 Catches the worm? 492 00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:56,310 Chilly today...? 493 00:17:56,344 --> 00:17:57,379 Hot tamale. 494 00:17:57,448 --> 00:17:59,758 Sabrina, I think you'’ve got your substance back. 495 00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:01,689 Now you just have to be able to use it 496 00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:02,965 to get your life in order. 497 00:18:03,034 --> 00:18:04,310 How are you feeling, honey? 498 00:18:04,379 --> 00:18:06,551 Everything'’s starting to make sense again. 499 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,758 Except for one thing. 500 00:18:07,827 --> 00:18:09,689 Why is Salem wearing a tube top? 501 00:18:09,758 --> 00:18:13,068 It provides support where I need it most. 502 00:18:15,965 --> 00:18:17,655 Hey, thanks for figuring out 503 00:18:17,724 --> 00:18:19,241 there was something wrong 504 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:21,068 and knowing where to take me. 505 00:18:21,137 --> 00:18:22,068 I owe you one. 506 00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:24,482 How about zapping me back my old car? 507 00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,448 I Don'’t want Morgan to like me 508 00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:27,862 for my turbo carrera. 509 00:18:27,931 --> 00:18:29,896 No problem. 510 00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:32,448 There, your '’86 Toyota corolla. 511 00:18:32,517 --> 00:18:35,206 Think you could pop out the dent? 512 00:18:35,275 --> 00:18:36,793 You got it. 513 00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:42,217 Hey, Josh, i'’m glad you'’re here. 514 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,389 I'’m sure you'’ve been wondering what'’s going on with me. 515 00:18:44,413 --> 00:18:46,413 Me, me, me. You know, Morgan'’s right. 516 00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:47,793 You are turning into her. 517 00:18:47,862 --> 00:18:48,137 Josh! 518 00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,413 Hey, lover boy. 519 00:18:49,482 --> 00:18:51,103 We'’re getting started. Front and center. 520 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:54,000 How about a piece on vermin in restaurants? 521 00:18:54,068 --> 00:18:55,137 I Don'’t know. 522 00:18:55,206 --> 00:18:57,448 You see, one man'’s vermin is another man'’s stir-fry. 523 00:18:57,517 --> 00:18:58,517 What else we got? 524 00:18:58,586 --> 00:19:00,206 Excuse me. I Don'’t mean to interrupt 525 00:19:00,275 --> 00:19:01,793 but I have an idea for a story. 526 00:19:01,862 --> 00:19:03,896 I Don'’t know how you could top "guys '’n thighs." 527 00:19:03,965 --> 00:19:06,310 Look, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. 528 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,517 I had a really weird virus that for some reason 529 00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,034 made me act like a total airhead. 530 00:19:10,103 --> 00:19:12,793 And who would want to publish stories written by an airhead? 531 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:13,551 We wouldn'’t. 532 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,241 And you shouldn'’t. 533 00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:15,344 I just want you to know 534 00:19:15,413 --> 00:19:16,693 that the person you saw yesterday 535 00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:17,758 wasn'’t the real me. 536 00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:19,137 I take my job very seriously 537 00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:20,486 and I appreciate the opportunity 538 00:19:20,551 --> 00:19:21,931 to be around professionals like you 539 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,517 even if it'’s just to get your coffee. 540 00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:25,517 Very well spoken. I'’ll tell you what. 541 00:19:25,586 --> 00:19:27,527 If you can write half as well as you can apologize 542 00:19:27,551 --> 00:19:28,896 there may be hope for you yet. 543 00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:31,172 Now what'’s this idea you have? 544 00:19:31,241 --> 00:19:33,275 Well, it'’s not exactly a college article 545 00:19:33,344 --> 00:19:35,551 but it'’s something that'’s been on my mind. 546 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,900 The three branches of government: 547 00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:38,931 Is our system of checks and balances really working? 548 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,000 I love that. 549 00:19:40,034 --> 00:19:41,655 And if U.S. newshadn'’t just done it 550 00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:44,103 i'’m sure yours would have been much better. 551 00:19:44,172 --> 00:19:47,000 I got to get myself to a magazine rack. 552 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:54,827 Hey.hey. 553 00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,655 That was quite a little speech you made 554 00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:58,724 to the staff. 555 00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:01,034 Oh, well, I was hoping one specific staff member 556 00:20:01,103 --> 00:20:03,034 would find it in his heart to forgive me. 557 00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:05,206 Yeah, Mike said you'’re back on his "a" list. 558 00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,448 You know what I mean. 559 00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,827 You do seem to be over your Princess phase. 560 00:20:08,896 --> 00:20:10,241 Josh, i'’m sorry I was so stupid. 561 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,793 I never meant to break up with you. 562 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,206 Yeah, well, I guess everybody does stupid things 563 00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:15,206 now and then. 564 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:17,137 Did I ever tell you about the time 565 00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:18,965 I ordered Sushi at a truck stop? 566 00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:20,172 I was with you. I drove you 567 00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:21,241 to the emergency room. 568 00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,482 Yeah, "real crab" my eye. 569 00:20:23,551 --> 00:20:24,838 Josh, can we forget about the fish? 570 00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,251 I think you were about to forgive me. 571 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:27,206 I do forgive you. 572 00:20:27,275 --> 00:20:28,344 But, please, promise me 573 00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:30,586 if you ever get one of these weird viruses again 574 00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:31,586 you'’ll call in sick? 575 00:20:31,655 --> 00:20:32,517 I promise. 576 00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:34,586 Oh, one other thing. 577 00:20:34,655 --> 00:20:37,344 Never ever call me "joshie." 578 00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:38,862 That could be a deal breaker. 579 00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:42,482 Or not. 580 00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,275 Well, needlepoint has really helped me 581 00:20:48,344 --> 00:20:50,148 kick my knitting habit. I Don'’t miss it at all. 582 00:20:50,172 --> 00:20:54,413 I, on the other hand, am still owed a codpiece. 583 00:20:54,482 --> 00:20:56,965 And i'’m back to getting flooded with annoying emails. 584 00:20:57,034 --> 00:20:58,931 But from now on, i'’m not going to respond. 585 00:20:59,000 --> 00:20:59,931 It'’s a good idea. 586 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,517 You never know when there might be 587 00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:02,896 an evil twin on the other end. 588 00:21:02,965 --> 00:21:05,931 That'’s one thing mortals Don'’t have to deal with. 589 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,068 On the other hand 590 00:21:07,137 --> 00:21:09,310 they can'’t make pudding on command. 591 00:21:09,379 --> 00:21:10,379 And they can'’t use magic 592 00:21:10,413 --> 00:21:11,827 to teach their evil twins a lesson. 593 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:12,931 I just sent Katrina 594 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,931 a "kill them with kindness" spell. 595 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,310 Jezebelda, you'’re the smart one. 596 00:21:17,379 --> 00:21:19,241 You'’re the beautiful one. 597 00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:21,000 Ah, you are too kind. 598 00:21:21,068 --> 00:21:24,793 I know. I'’ll get you for this, Sabrina. 42926

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