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1
00:00:04,551 --> 00:00:07,758
Well, how did my Halloween
Taffy turn out this year?
2
00:00:07,827 --> 00:00:09,482
Too gooey, too garlicky
3
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,482
and way too much unicorn.
4
00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:13,344
You'’re turning into mother.
5
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:16,758
Speaking of
bipolar control freaks
6
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:19,758
have you two given any
thought to your Halloween plans?
7
00:00:19,827 --> 00:00:21,517
If not...
8
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:24,206
Oh, please. They send
me this flyer every year.
9
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:25,965
It'’s a Halloween mystery train
10
00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:28,068
that makes a special
stop in Boston.
11
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:30,000
Hey, this actually
looks like fun, zel.
12
00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:31,379
I think it would be a hoot
13
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,137
to ride a train and
solve a murder.
14
00:00:33,206 --> 00:00:34,448
No, thanks.
15
00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:37,172
I'’m looking forward to
a nice, quiet Halloween
16
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,586
reading, watching
a little television
17
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:40,827
you and your cat go.
18
00:00:40,896 --> 00:00:42,241
Have a nice time.
19
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:46,517
Me and hildalicious will
be the talk of the snack car.
20
00:00:46,586 --> 00:00:47,931
On second thought
21
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,206
an evening of excruciating
boredom is exactly what I need.
22
00:00:51,275 --> 00:00:54,275
These are awful.
23
00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:55,689
Salem, any thoughts
24
00:00:55,758 --> 00:00:58,413
on what I should
go as for Halloween?
25
00:00:58,482 --> 00:01:00,655
Off the top of my head, hmm...
26
00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:01,655
Fashion victim?
27
00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:02,724
Huh-huh-huh.
28
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,793
The only thing
lamer than that joke
29
00:01:04,862 --> 00:01:06,413
are my plans for Halloween.
30
00:01:06,482 --> 00:01:08,448
The only invitation I
was able to wangle
31
00:01:08,517 --> 00:01:09,448
is for a dumb dance
32
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:11,379
sponsored by the
school of dentistry.
33
00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:13,206
Lots of good candy there.
34
00:01:13,275 --> 00:01:14,275
Hmm...
35
00:01:15,344 --> 00:01:16,379
Ugh!
36
00:01:16,448 --> 00:01:19,620
Why does aunt Zelda
always go so heavy
37
00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,551
on the unicorn?
38
00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,586
Well, now, if you Don'’t want
39
00:01:23,655 --> 00:01:25,551
your Halloween to be lame
40
00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:29,586
take a ride on
the mystery train.
41
00:01:29,655 --> 00:01:31,896
"For fabulous food
and sophisticated fun
42
00:01:31,965 --> 00:01:33,862
this mystery train
is number one."
43
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:35,241
Salem, this is perfect.
44
00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:37,896
Pick me up at 7:00 and
I get the window seat.
45
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,482
Sorry, but I really wanted to
spend Halloween with my friends.
46
00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:41,631
You understand, Don'’t you?
47
00:01:41,689 --> 00:01:44,310
I had my heart set
on riding the rails.
48
00:01:44,379 --> 00:01:46,793
Well, there'’s no
reason you can'’t do that.
49
00:01:46,862 --> 00:01:48,103
[ Chiming]
50
00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:49,413
Whee!
51
00:01:52,551 --> 00:01:59,034
♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪
52
00:01:59,103 --> 00:02:05,275
♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪
53
00:02:05,344 --> 00:02:08,448
♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪
54
00:02:08,517 --> 00:02:12,275
♪ I wanna make it last...
55
00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:18,310
♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪
56
00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:22,206
♪ and I like the way it feels.
57
00:02:29,241 --> 00:02:31,827
Once again I am
your Halloween savior.
58
00:02:31,896 --> 00:02:33,275
Thanks to me
59
00:02:33,344 --> 00:02:35,551
we'’re no longer stuck
dancing with dental students.
60
00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:36,740
Oh, I wasn'’t going, anyway.
61
00:02:36,793 --> 00:02:38,103
No way. Me, either.
62
00:02:38,172 --> 00:02:42,034
Well, I am offering you a ride
on a Halloween mystery train.
63
00:02:42,103 --> 00:02:44,137
Is that one of those
totally pathetic whodunits?
64
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,137
Where everyone has to
play a stupid character?
65
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:48,103
And solve a fake,
idiotic murder?
66
00:02:48,172 --> 00:02:50,034
That any moron could figure out?
67
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,275
Exactly.
68
00:02:51,344 --> 00:02:53,034
Whoo-hoo! We'’re
going on a mystery train!
69
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:55,103
Oh, come on, Josh.
70
00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:57,344
Tell everybody why this
is going to be so great.
71
00:02:57,413 --> 00:03:00,034
Okay, right after you tell me.
72
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:01,793
You mean you Don'’t
want to go either?
73
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:03,000
Not really.
74
00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:05,482
Sabrina, i'’ve never
been that into Halloween.
75
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,931
To be honest, it'’s
always kind of bugged me
76
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,862
that it'’s such a
big deal to you.
77
00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:11,620
Well, it'’s a big deal to me
78
00:03:11,689 --> 00:03:14,310
because I happen to
be a wi... wittle upset
79
00:03:14,379 --> 00:03:17,103
because I paid for
these tickets in advance.
80
00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:18,212
Well i'’m a "wittle" upset
81
00:03:18,275 --> 00:03:19,965
because I like to be
asked ahead of time
82
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,551
before someone
makes plans for me.
83
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:22,838
I just thought this would be fun
84
00:03:22,862 --> 00:03:24,527
and I thought you
guys would think so, too.
85
00:03:24,551 --> 00:03:25,551
Especially you, Josh.
86
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:26,620
Fine.
87
00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:29,275
I guess a little train
ride won'’t kill us.
88
00:03:29,344 --> 00:03:30,689
[ All groan]
89
00:03:30,758 --> 00:03:35,000
Yeah! That'’s exactly the kind
of enthusiasm i'’m looking for.
90
00:03:35,068 --> 00:03:37,344
Ooh, good thing
you paid in advance.
91
00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,310
We'’ll be lucky to find a seat.
92
00:03:39,379 --> 00:03:41,172
Well, I think we
should feel lucky
93
00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:42,931
that we got our own private car.
94
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,068
With a different
stain on every seat.
95
00:03:46,137 --> 00:03:47,241
It'’s so cold in here
96
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,103
my beard is sprouting icicles.
97
00:03:49,172 --> 00:03:52,310
That'’s why I told everyone
to wear coats and gloves.
98
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:54,482
But the pressure
will do us good.
99
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:57,724
Comingled with the 47 known
carcinogens in diesel smoke?
100
00:03:57,793 --> 00:04:00,517
Okay, there is now an
official moratorium on whining.
101
00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:04,586
Welcome aboard the
Halloween mystery train
102
00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:07,965
where murder is our business,
and our business is murder.
103
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:09,344
They make me say that.
104
00:04:09,413 --> 00:04:11,758
So, let'’s get the
festivities rolling
105
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:13,344
with your complimentary
106
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:14,896
cocktail and appetizer.
107
00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:18,172
Peanuts and a juice box?
108
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,344
Oh, great.
109
00:04:19,413 --> 00:04:21,379
And I didn'’t even get
the freaking juice box.
110
00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:22,448
You want a juice box?
111
00:04:22,482 --> 00:04:23,655
I'’ll give you a juice box.
112
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:26,172
Here, take mine.
113
00:04:26,241 --> 00:04:28,551
Oh, ugh, sorry.
114
00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:30,655
A little Taffy emergency.
115
00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:32,448
I'’ve got to go De-goo.
116
00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:35,724
So, listen up, mystery lovers.
117
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:40,758
Here are the parts
that you will be playing.
118
00:04:40,827 --> 00:04:43,068
Please, read them.
119
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:48,000
And as we say at the Stella
adler academy, "become them."
120
00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:51,241
If i'’m lucky, I get thrown
from the train in the first act.
121
00:04:51,310 --> 00:04:52,344
Trade you.
122
00:04:52,413 --> 00:04:53,482
Conductor: All aboard!
123
00:04:53,551 --> 00:04:56,241
The other realm express
is now leaving the station.
124
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,275
[ Whistle blowing]Other
realm express?
125
00:04:58,344 --> 00:05:01,172
Oh, no! I got to get
everybody off this thing before...
126
00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:03,689
[ '’20s music playing]
127
00:05:03,758 --> 00:05:05,310
something like this happens.
128
00:05:06,758 --> 00:05:08,448
It'’s been years
since i'’ve watched
129
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,413
the giant pumpkin drop in
the other realm Times Square.
130
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:12,758
I can'’t wait.
131
00:05:12,827 --> 00:05:15,413
Winos and tourists
splattered with pumpkin guts.
132
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,551
Have I mentioned how bored I am?
133
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,551
You wouldn'’t be
bored if you'’d taken
134
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,931
that murder mystery
train like I told you.
135
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,310
Maybe i'’ll morph myself
into a college student
136
00:05:24,379 --> 00:05:26,172
and join Sabrina
at that dental party.
137
00:05:26,241 --> 00:05:28,310
I could use a dentist
after all that Taffy.
138
00:05:28,379 --> 00:05:29,482
The joke'’s on you.
139
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:32,137
Sabrina had the perspicacity
140
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,482
to heed my advice
and take her friends
141
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:38,068
on the aforementioned
traino mysterioso.
142
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,827
Friends?
143
00:05:39,896 --> 00:05:42,482
Salem, that'’s an
other realm train.
144
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,310
Oops.
145
00:05:43,379 --> 00:05:45,137
Looks like there'’s
going to be a murder
146
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,241
around here, but this
one won'’t be a mystery.
147
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,206
[ Whistle blowing]
148
00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:52,217
There'’s been a big mistake!
149
00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:53,251
There are mortals on board!
150
00:05:53,275 --> 00:05:54,915
You'’ve got to stop
this train right away!
151
00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:57,517
Sorry, miss, there'’s only
one way to stop this train.
152
00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:58,310
What'’s that?
153
00:05:58,379 --> 00:06:00,379
You, dear girl, have
to solve the mystery.
154
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:03,034
Me? You are the
detective in this play.
155
00:06:03,103 --> 00:06:05,172
Since you'’ve already
paid for the costume
156
00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:07,413
you might as well look the part.
157
00:06:07,482 --> 00:06:10,862
Ooh, London fog.
158
00:06:10,931 --> 00:06:13,931
Allow me to introduce you
to your cast of characters.
159
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,310
May I present the
countess admira.
160
00:06:16,379 --> 00:06:17,517
Delighted.
161
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:21,379
I find modern travel so
exhilarating, Don'’t you?
162
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,793
Her maid, hortense.
163
00:06:22,862 --> 00:06:24,931
Charmed, i'’m sure.
164
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,551
Professor augustine
Von claptrap.
165
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,172
Bitte, fraulein.
166
00:06:29,241 --> 00:06:30,137
And, of course...
167
00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:33,413
Biff buffington,
international tennis star.
168
00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,103
A real pleasure.
169
00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:38,000
At least I know it is for you.
170
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:39,068
Where'’s Josh?
171
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:43,103
Oh, you mean world-renowned
photographer kip Kodak.
172
00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:46,517
Yes, well, unfortunately,
he'’s been the victim of a...
173
00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:48,689
Murder.
174
00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,379
Oh!
175
00:06:50,448 --> 00:06:51,586
[ Laughing]
176
00:06:51,655 --> 00:06:54,206
Murder?!
177
00:06:54,275 --> 00:06:55,172
Murder!
178
00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:56,241
Great.
179
00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,758
Something else
for me to clean up.
180
00:06:57,827 --> 00:07:00,896
Oh, no, he really is dead!
181
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,758
And the game begins.
182
00:07:03,827 --> 00:07:05,482
All you have to do is figure out
183
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,965
which one of our
passengers killed kip Kodak.
184
00:07:11,379 --> 00:07:13,310
I'’m not very good
at solving murders.
185
00:07:13,379 --> 00:07:15,655
I-I even stink at "clue."
186
00:07:15,724 --> 00:07:17,320
The first question you
want to ask yourself is
187
00:07:17,344 --> 00:07:18,517
what was the motive?
188
00:07:18,586 --> 00:07:22,000
I just wanted to give my
friends a nice Halloween.
189
00:07:22,068 --> 00:07:25,965
Oh, you mean, the
murderer'’s motive.
190
00:07:29,586 --> 00:07:31,137
Would you please stop worrying?
191
00:07:31,206 --> 00:07:33,275
Sabrina is a smart girl.
192
00:07:33,344 --> 00:07:35,355
I'’m sure she'’ll have this
mystery solved in no time.
193
00:07:35,379 --> 00:07:36,689
What are you talking about?
194
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,068
Even I beat her at "clue."
195
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,896
Well, why Don'’t
we grab a crystal ball
196
00:07:39,965 --> 00:07:41,068
and go check up on her?
197
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,068
Good idea.
198
00:07:42,137 --> 00:07:44,965
I'’ve got one in my hope chest.
199
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:49,620
What? I use it
for traffic reports.
200
00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:51,586
[ Whistle blowing]
201
00:07:53,448 --> 00:07:56,689
Now, countess, tell me what
you know about the murder.
202
00:07:56,758 --> 00:07:58,310
Murder, murder, murder.
203
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,931
Everyone is so
preoccupied with murder.
204
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,413
What you should be focused
on is what happened to my ring.
205
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:07,103
The hundred-carat star
of paramus is missing.
206
00:08:07,172 --> 00:08:10,793
Missing hunk of pure carbon,
untimely death of my boyfriend!
207
00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:11,931
Whatever.
208
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,896
Now, tell me your
relationship to the deceased.
209
00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:15,965
I had none.
210
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,448
I'’d never met
the man in my life.
211
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:18,655
"Never met the man..."
212
00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:20,448
All right, you
dragged it out of me!
213
00:08:20,517 --> 00:08:21,689
We were in love!
214
00:08:21,758 --> 00:08:24,241
I was mad about
the boy desperately
215
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:25,310
passionately
216
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:28,034
but he ended it
horribly, cruelly
217
00:08:28,103 --> 00:08:32,965
and I vowed that some way,
somehow, I would get my revenge!
218
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,103
But then I got over it
and we became friends.
219
00:08:39,172 --> 00:08:40,551
So, you see, I really have
220
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,965
no motive for killing him.
221
00:08:43,034 --> 00:08:44,758
Nope. None whatsoever.
222
00:08:44,827 --> 00:08:46,896
So, you actually
work for the countess?
223
00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:48,405
I know where
you'’re going with this.
224
00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:50,241
Do I? You think i'’m the
murderer, Don'’t you?
225
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:52,689
You think I killed him so that
I could frame the countess.
226
00:08:52,758 --> 00:08:55,206
That way, I would be free of
that cruel, self-centered pain
227
00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:56,275
in my patoot forever.
228
00:08:56,344 --> 00:08:58,724
So, you killed kip Kodak
to frame the countess.
229
00:08:58,793 --> 00:08:59,838
Do you think i'’d
tell you if I did?
230
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,827
Yeah. But then i'’m
kind of new at this.
231
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:04,172
Oh, ja, i knew him.
232
00:09:04,241 --> 00:09:06,310
We veren'’t, as you say, "buds"
233
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,793
but he was a nice
enough kind of guy
234
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:10,275
if you like zat kind of guy.
235
00:09:10,344 --> 00:09:12,655
And what kind of guy is dat?
236
00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:13,862
I mean, that.
237
00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:17,000
Oh, you know, ze kind
who always gets ze girl.
238
00:09:17,068 --> 00:09:20,034
Ze kind women prefer
over quirky and unique.
239
00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:24,000
Ze kind that makes a guy like
me blend into the wallpaper!
240
00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:27,206
Schnitzel! I seem to
have snapped my pipe.
241
00:09:28,896 --> 00:09:30,103
Anyway, as I was saying
242
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:32,000
I really had no
motive whatsoever.
243
00:09:32,068 --> 00:09:34,655
You'’re probably
quite intimidated talking
244
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:37,551
to an international
tennis star like myself.
245
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,862
Yeah, very. So, um, tell me
what you know about the murder.
246
00:09:40,931 --> 00:09:43,551
Let'’s stop this charade.
247
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:45,103
You want me.
248
00:09:45,172 --> 00:09:48,137
And to be perfectly
honest, i'’m okay with that.
249
00:09:48,206 --> 00:09:49,486
Well, I have a problem with guys
250
00:09:49,551 --> 00:09:50,655
who use the word "charade."
251
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,310
Especially ones
that use it that use it
252
00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:54,413
while my boyfriend'’s lying
dead in the other room.
253
00:09:54,482 --> 00:09:56,586
All right, i'’ll come clean.
254
00:09:56,655 --> 00:09:59,241
I used to be in
love with a woman...
255
00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:02,241
A wonderful, magical woman...
256
00:10:03,448 --> 00:10:05,310
and that scoundrel
stole her from me!
257
00:10:05,379 --> 00:10:06,413
And that made you angry?
258
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:07,482
Furious!
259
00:10:07,551 --> 00:10:10,172
Why would she pick that
second-rate shutterbug
260
00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:14,586
over biff buffington,
international tennis star?
261
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:17,103
As you can see,
I put it behind me.
262
00:10:17,172 --> 00:10:19,689
Let me guess. You have
no motive whatsoever.
263
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:22,586
It'’s nice to have
you in my court.
264
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,655
Well, what have you
come up with so far?
265
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:28,517
First, your play involves
a lot of ham acting.
266
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,862
Second, I have no
idea who killed kip.
267
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,034
Might I suggest you find out?
268
00:10:33,103 --> 00:10:35,758
Just for conversation'’s
sake, what happens if I Don'’t?
269
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:38,931
Unless you solve this case,
you and your mortal friends
270
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,379
will be trapped on
this train forever.
271
00:10:42,448 --> 00:10:44,448
No!
272
00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:48,241
No!
273
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:51,655
Hilda, I think we'’ve got
ourselves a train to catch.
274
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:54,137
All aboard!
275
00:10:54,206 --> 00:10:55,689
This is insane.
276
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:58,413
We can'’t just go soaring
through the cosmos forever.
277
00:10:58,482 --> 00:10:59,965
I'’m sorry... rules are rules.
278
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,379
Besides, everything you
need to solve this case
279
00:11:02,448 --> 00:11:03,655
is right in front of you.
280
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:05,827
Right in front of me, where?
281
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,862
[ Gasps]
282
00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,275
Look!
283
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:12,172
He still has the
juice box I gave him
284
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:13,724
and it'’s unopened, which means
285
00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:15,620
he was killed
right after I left him.
286
00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:17,379
[ Gasps]
287
00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,034
The countess'’s missing diamond!
288
00:11:20,965 --> 00:11:22,862
Splendid. He found it.
289
00:11:22,931 --> 00:11:26,172
If he weren'’t dead,
i'’d buy him something.
290
00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:28,620
No matter.
291
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,551
I still have the
secaucus sapphire.
292
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:35,103
An old sweaty tennis
towel with the initials b.B.
293
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:36,862
Do they stand for Betty boop
294
00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:38,620
bugs bunny or...
295
00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:40,103
Biff buffington?
296
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,517
I knew it had to be you!
297
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:45,275
You'’re just the sort of guy.
298
00:11:45,344 --> 00:11:47,896
Sort of guy?!
299
00:11:47,965 --> 00:11:49,827
What exactly is that
supposed to mean?
300
00:11:49,896 --> 00:11:51,586
If anybody'’s
guilty here, it'’s her.
301
00:11:51,655 --> 00:11:52,310
I knew it!
302
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,586
[ Clamoring]
303
00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:55,862
Finally, i'’m having
a positive impact.
304
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:57,758
They'’re turning on each other.
305
00:12:00,448 --> 00:12:02,689
Please tell me we'’re in
the right place this time.
306
00:12:02,758 --> 00:12:04,344
Is it my fault the space shuttle
307
00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,310
looks exactly like
the mystery train?
308
00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:09,413
Do you think I should have
given that cosmonaut my number?
309
00:12:09,482 --> 00:12:10,896
So cute.
310
00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:12,172
According to this schedule
311
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:14,551
the train should have
left Boston two hours ago.
312
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:15,827
Should be here any minute.
313
00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:17,379
[ Train approaching]
314
00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:18,827
There it is now.
315
00:12:18,896 --> 00:12:20,379
But it'’s not stopping!
316
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,620
What should we do?
317
00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:23,896
Jump!
318
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,344
That was close.
319
00:12:29,413 --> 00:12:31,551
Hey, my outfit'’s
getting all dirty.
320
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:35,620
Yeah, well, my
caboose is on fire!
321
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,000
[ Arguing]
322
00:12:37,068 --> 00:12:38,310
People, people!
323
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:41,000
Please, work with me here, okay?
324
00:12:41,068 --> 00:12:42,344
The sooner we figure this out
325
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,965
the sooner we can
get off this train.
326
00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:45,241
So, in the interest of time
327
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:47,482
what say the murderer
just raises his or her hand?
328
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:50,241
Don'’t be shy.
329
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:51,379
Anybody.
330
00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:52,551
Anybody at all.
331
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:53,931
Biff?
332
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,000
You can'’t honestly expect me
333
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:58,517
to admit to a crime
I didn'’t commit.
334
00:12:59,586 --> 00:13:01,172
I am a man of honor, integrity
335
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:03,896
and amazing bone structure.
336
00:13:03,965 --> 00:13:06,275
Whose towel was wrapped
around the victim'’s neck?
337
00:13:06,344 --> 00:13:08,137
I had absolutely no
motive whatsoever.
338
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,034
Nor did I.
339
00:13:09,103 --> 00:13:11,241
Well, I didn'’t have any...
340
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,482
And I am officially the
world'’s worst detective.
341
00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:14,724
[ Thud]
342
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:15,827
A murder.
343
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,965
Murder?!
344
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:19,517
Murder!
345
00:13:19,586 --> 00:13:21,724
Great. Something
else for me to clean up.
346
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:23,103
There'’s been another murder?
347
00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:24,827
Uh-uh-uh. Same murder.
348
00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:25,965
And until you solve it
349
00:13:26,034 --> 00:13:27,551
we'’re all destined to keep
350
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,793
replaying the same
scene over and over
351
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:30,896
and the longer you take
352
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:33,724
the longer I have
to wear these slacks.
353
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:35,482
Aah!
354
00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:39,827
Well, well, well. Huh.
355
00:13:39,896 --> 00:13:42,206
You never know
what kind of riffraff
356
00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:44,689
you'’re going to come
across riding the rails.
357
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,103
Back off, grandpa!
358
00:13:46,172 --> 00:13:47,793
Salem, Don'’t be rude.
359
00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:49,137
Who'’s being rude?
360
00:13:49,206 --> 00:13:51,034
He really is my grandpa.
361
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:53,793
Thanks for the birthday card.
362
00:13:53,862 --> 00:13:54,896
No problem.
363
00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:56,448
How'’s your mom?
364
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:58,310
I hate to break up
this family reunion
365
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,344
but we'’re looking
for the mystery train.
366
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:01,931
You'’re on it.
367
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,517
But you want the parlor car.
368
00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:07,103
Grandma tells people
he was lost at sea.
369
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:13,344
Now I understand why people
Don'’t take the train anymore.
370
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:15,793
Tunnel! [ Train whistle blowing]
371
00:14:15,862 --> 00:14:18,344
So, let'’s go through
what we know so far.
372
00:14:18,413 --> 00:14:20,448
I left the cabin
and kip was alive.
373
00:14:20,517 --> 00:14:22,241
I came back, and kip was dead.
374
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:23,551
That'’s about it.
375
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:27,172
Oh, Sabrina, there you are.
376
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,448
Oh, aunt hilda, aunt Zelda
377
00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:29,758
thank goodness you'’re here!
378
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,896
I didn'’t know this was
an other realm train
379
00:14:31,965 --> 00:14:33,758
and now Josh is
dead and I have to...
380
00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:36,448
Did somebody shoot
you guys out of a Cannon?
381
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,275
[ Chiming]
382
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,172
Sabrina, there'’s
no need to fear.
383
00:14:41,241 --> 00:14:42,517
Your aunties are here.
384
00:14:42,586 --> 00:14:45,551
Will there be two
more for dinner?
385
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:48,413
Oh, no. We'’re just
passing through.
386
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:50,448
Oh, too bad.
387
00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:53,724
Yowzer.
388
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,931
I wouldn'’t mind spending
eternity on this train.
389
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,965
Hello? Did you see the
way he looked at me?
390
00:14:58,034 --> 00:14:59,517
Okay, I have a plan.
391
00:14:59,586 --> 00:15:02,586
First, i'’m going to
interrogate the steward.
392
00:15:02,655 --> 00:15:03,689
Hey, that was myplan.
393
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:05,413
And this plan helps me, how?
394
00:15:05,482 --> 00:15:06,827
He knows who the murderer is.
395
00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:09,620
Trust me, we'’ll have it out
of him in ten minutes, tops.
396
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:11,344
Five, if he'’s ticklish.
397
00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:13,379
And if that doesn'’t work
398
00:15:13,448 --> 00:15:15,827
you always have
me to solve the crime.
399
00:15:15,896 --> 00:15:19,206
At least, you would, if I
had the appropriate attire.
400
00:15:21,827 --> 00:15:24,413
Mm, say, good show, old girl.
401
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,275
Now, then, what say we have
402
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,482
a look at the corpse, shall we?
403
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:31,965
This body is simply
rife with clues.
404
00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:36,172
What, pray tell, have you been
doing for the last few hours?
405
00:15:36,241 --> 00:15:39,137
Hey, I found the diamond
and the tennis towel.
406
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:42,448
Hmm, those items, combined
with this feather I found
407
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:45,137
should tell us everything
we need to know.
408
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,172
I can'’t believe I missed this.
409
00:15:48,241 --> 00:15:50,000
In your defense, it was lodged
410
00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:52,137
fairly deep into
his nasal passage.
411
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:53,586
Ugh!
412
00:15:53,655 --> 00:15:54,862
I believe we only have
413
00:15:54,931 --> 00:15:56,931
one thing left to
do: Dust the body.
414
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:57,862
For fingerprints?
415
00:15:57,931 --> 00:16:00,344
No. It'’s filthy.
416
00:16:00,413 --> 00:16:02,793
[ Train whistle blowing]
417
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,448
When is it my turn
to interrogate him?
418
00:16:05,517 --> 00:16:07,413
Hilda, I told you,
we'’re giving him the old
419
00:16:07,482 --> 00:16:08,896
"good witch/bad witch" routine.
420
00:16:08,965 --> 00:16:10,068
Oh, right.
421
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,275
Which one am I again?
422
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:14,034
This one was a
bit dodgy, all right
423
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,517
but I think we came up cricket.
424
00:16:16,586 --> 00:16:18,310
Do you even know
what that means?
425
00:16:18,379 --> 00:16:20,000
Haven'’t the foggiest.
426
00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:23,655
Buti do know which one
of youis the murderer!
427
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,413
It all began to make sense
428
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:31,931
when I learned of the
countess'’s missing diamond.
429
00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:36,000
Sabrina was out of the room
430
00:16:36,068 --> 00:16:39,620
so the countess knew she only
had seconds to make her move.
431
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,931
Counting on their
prior relationship
432
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,206
and kip'’s impeccable
manners, she offered her hand.
433
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:48,379
She also knew that the
prong on her ring was loose
434
00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:53,068
and her plan worked perfectly.
435
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,275
Kip started to
choke on the stone.
436
00:16:55,344 --> 00:16:56,344
I knew it!
437
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:57,862
Countess admira is the murderer.
438
00:16:57,931 --> 00:16:59,068
No, i'’m not!
439
00:16:59,137 --> 00:17:00,482
But she would have been
440
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,379
if hortense hadn'’t stepped in.
441
00:17:03,758 --> 00:17:05,413
A former raf nurse
442
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,655
her instincts got
the better of her
443
00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:09,586
but she had a plan of her own.
444
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:12,965
She knew that kip was
highly allergic to emu feathers
445
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:16,758
and that prolonged
exposure could kill him.
446
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,965
I knew it!
447
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:19,379
Hortense is the murderer.
448
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:20,655
No, i'’m not.
449
00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:22,413
But she might have been
450
00:17:22,482 --> 00:17:26,827
if it weren'’t for an
involuntary muscle contraction.
451
00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:29,448
Kip sneezed... Violently,
I would imagine...
452
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:33,379
And dislodged all but one of
the feathers from his nostrils.
453
00:17:33,448 --> 00:17:36,793
However, biff buffington
seized upon the opportunity
454
00:17:36,862 --> 00:17:39,793
like only an international
tennis star could.
455
00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:42,379
He offered kip
one of his towels...
456
00:17:42,448 --> 00:17:45,241
To wipe his nose,
or to strangle him?
457
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:46,724
How couldyou?!
458
00:17:46,793 --> 00:17:48,206
I didn'’t.
459
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,448
He'’s right, you know.
460
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:50,689
He didn'’t.
461
00:17:50,758 --> 00:17:51,896
Cut to the chase, Sherlock.
462
00:17:51,965 --> 00:17:53,275
We'’re running out of suspects.
463
00:17:53,344 --> 00:17:56,620
Which brings me to my most
interesting piece of evidence:
464
00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:58,517
The dust on the body.
465
00:17:58,586 --> 00:18:01,896
It wasn'’t dust at
all... But pipe smoke.
466
00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:05,793
That means nothing.
467
00:18:05,862 --> 00:18:07,034
You also smoke a pipe.
468
00:18:07,103 --> 00:18:09,793
Yes, but mine
only blows bubbles.
469
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:15,034
Once kip had recovered
470
00:18:15,103 --> 00:18:17,896
the professor came up behind
him and offered kip his pipe
471
00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:19,793
containing tobacco,
a substance which
472
00:18:19,862 --> 00:18:22,275
according to the entire
western medical community
473
00:18:22,344 --> 00:18:23,620
kills eventually.
474
00:18:23,689 --> 00:18:25,586
But kip doesn'’t smoke.
475
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:27,000
Exactly.
476
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:28,137
Which is why the professor
477
00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:31,068
is definitely not the murderer.
478
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,482
So, none of them
is the murderer?
479
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,344
I thought you said
you solved the crime.
480
00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:37,551
I have.
481
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,689
The murder was
committed by someone
482
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:42,413
who had both motive and means.
483
00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:47,172
Someone who had a
working knowledge of poison.
484
00:18:47,241 --> 00:18:50,206
Someone who knew
that in large quantities
485
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:53,137
essence of unicorn
is fatal to mortals.
486
00:18:53,206 --> 00:18:54,586
Ugh. Ugh.
487
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:58,137
Why does aunt Zelda always
go so heavy on the unicorn?
488
00:18:58,206 --> 00:19:02,517
Salem: Someone who
seized the opportunity
489
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,206
and went to great lengths
490
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:06,655
to make sure she
covered her tracks.
491
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:09,965
That'’s why I told everyone
to wear coats and gloves.
492
00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:12,655
Someone who knew that the
poison need not be ingested
493
00:19:12,724 --> 00:19:15,379
but can easily be
absorbed through the skin
494
00:19:15,448 --> 00:19:19,965
and placed it on something
as innocuous as a juice box.
495
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,482
You'’re talking crazy, cat.
496
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:22,413
The murderer!
497
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,379
Murderer!
498
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:26,275
The dame who bumped him off.
499
00:19:26,344 --> 00:19:27,793
Why are you all accusing me?
500
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,137
I didn'’t do it, I swear!
501
00:19:29,206 --> 00:19:30,827
I-I didn'’t even have a motive.
502
00:19:30,896 --> 00:19:32,931
Oh, no?
503
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,665
Isn'’t it true that
you'’re angry with Josh
504
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:36,068
for not supporting you
505
00:19:36,137 --> 00:19:38,413
in your ever more manic
quest for the perfect Halloween?
506
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:39,655
Could you have been
507
00:19:39,724 --> 00:19:42,275
so resentful of his pouty
attitude and sarcasm
508
00:19:42,344 --> 00:19:44,620
that the rage built
up in you and you...
509
00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:46,586
Yes, it'’s true!
510
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:47,793
It'’s true!
511
00:19:47,862 --> 00:19:49,344
I'’m the murderer!
512
00:19:49,413 --> 00:19:51,172
I killed Josh!
513
00:19:51,241 --> 00:19:54,689
Wow, I totally didn'’t
see that one coming.
514
00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,862
[ Gasping and choking]
515
00:19:57,931 --> 00:19:59,724
Sabrina'’s the murderer.
516
00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,034
Good work, sister.
517
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:03,586
Let'’s go.
518
00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:05,724
Oh, here'’s your gum.
519
00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:08,206
Sabrina, we know
who the murderer is!
520
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,517
It'’s you.
521
00:20:09,586 --> 00:20:11,413
So i'’ve heard.
522
00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:13,241
So what happens to me now?
523
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:14,758
Well... ahem.
524
00:20:14,827 --> 00:20:16,689
Now that you'’ve
solved the murder
525
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:17,758
you'’re free to go.
526
00:20:17,827 --> 00:20:18,827
Really?
527
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:19,872
Mm-hmm. wow, this is great.
528
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:21,965
You know, you sure
throw a nice homicide.
529
00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:24,310
But how did you know
about aunt Zelda'’s Taffy
530
00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:25,827
and that I was mad at Josh?
531
00:20:25,896 --> 00:20:28,965
Murder'’s our business,
and our business is murder.
532
00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:31,862
Next stop, Boston!
533
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,827
[ Train whistle blowing]
534
00:20:33,896 --> 00:20:35,379
Wow.
535
00:20:35,448 --> 00:20:37,413
He really does murder right.
536
00:20:39,862 --> 00:20:41,965
Whoa, I Don'’t remember much
537
00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:43,354
but this Halloween
was exhausting.
538
00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:44,896
I'’m so dead.
539
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,655
No, you'’re not...
You'’re alive again.
540
00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:47,586
Again?
541
00:20:47,655 --> 00:20:49,137
Look, Josh, I
want to talk to you
542
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,758
about this whole
Halloween thing.
543
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,758
It may not be an
important holiday for you
544
00:20:52,827 --> 00:20:54,000
but it is for me
545
00:20:54,068 --> 00:20:56,103
and I was hurt that you
weren'’t more supportive.
546
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,620
I mean, I supported you when...
547
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,068
When I was going
to move to Prague
548
00:20:59,137 --> 00:21:00,310
when I got a job on the paper
549
00:21:00,379 --> 00:21:02,172
and with pretty much
everything i'’ve done
550
00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:03,344
since you'’ve known me.
551
00:21:03,413 --> 00:21:05,689
I'’m sorry, Sabrina.
552
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,068
Sabrina... I seem
to have misplaced
553
00:21:10,137 --> 00:21:11,827
a few hours of my life.
554
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:14,896
Was this a bewitching
kind of evening?
555
00:21:14,965 --> 00:21:18,241
It was for me, and I
know it was for you
556
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,896
or should I say
"biff buffington"?
557
00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:22,206
Say me.
39951
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