Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:02,827
Hey, guys.
2
00:00:02,896 --> 00:00:04,137
Can I borrow your sarcophagus?
3
00:00:04,206 --> 00:00:05,517
Oh, sure.
4
00:00:05,586 --> 00:00:07,424
It'’s in the garage right
next to Salem'’s bike
5
00:00:07,448 --> 00:00:08,862
which he begged
for and never uses.
6
00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:12,724
I told you the seat
pinches my cathood.
7
00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:14,896
Miles is directing
a horror movie
8
00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:16,827
and I agreed to produce it.
9
00:00:16,896 --> 00:00:18,655
Oh, my, you'’re
making a picture?
10
00:00:18,724 --> 00:00:19,793
A movie.
11
00:00:19,862 --> 00:00:21,793
Well, that'’s so exciting.
12
00:00:21,862 --> 00:00:24,310
Surely the sarcophagus
isn'’t the only thing
13
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:25,965
you need from your aunties.
14
00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:27,493
You'’re right. Do you
have any lunch meat?
15
00:00:27,517 --> 00:00:28,448
We'’re holding
16
00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:29,517
auditions tomorrow
17
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:30,896
and I want to put
out some snacks.
18
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,724
Let'’s go back to
that word "audition."
19
00:00:32,793 --> 00:00:34,275
Normally I won'’t
read for a part
20
00:00:34,344 --> 00:00:36,275
but since miles has
never seen my work...
21
00:00:36,344 --> 00:00:38,517
He can die a happy man.
22
00:00:38,586 --> 00:00:40,103
Go ride your bike in traffic.
23
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:40,862
Eh?
24
00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:41,965
As much as i'’d love
25
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:44,172
to have your enormous
talents in my movie...
26
00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:47,172
This is just a cheesy student
film that is way beneath you.
27
00:00:47,241 --> 00:00:48,241
Nicely done.
28
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,724
Sabrina, to a true thespian
29
00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:53,034
no part is too small.
30
00:00:53,103 --> 00:00:54,896
Or too cheesy.
31
00:00:54,965 --> 00:00:57,344
Oh, no, we can'’t do the movie.
32
00:00:57,413 --> 00:00:58,689
Dang it!
33
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,931
We'’ve been selected
for other realm scare duty.
34
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,275
Scare duty?
35
00:01:02,344 --> 00:01:03,413
That can'’t be.
36
00:01:03,482 --> 00:01:05,379
We just did scare
duty 200 years ago.
37
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,482
Scare duty?
38
00:01:06,551 --> 00:01:08,103
Witch equivalent of jury duty.
39
00:01:08,172 --> 00:01:11,068
The other realm randomly
selects experienced witches
40
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,965
to teach the younger
generation how to scare people.
41
00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:16,103
Apparently, they
didn'’t buy our excuse
42
00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:17,862
that we were fighting overseas.
43
00:01:17,931 --> 00:01:19,631
Hey, you may not be
starring in a horror movie
44
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,010
but at least you
get to scare people.
45
00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:22,655
Want to really scare people?
46
00:01:22,724 --> 00:01:24,793
Leave the house
without your makeup.
47
00:01:25,896 --> 00:01:26,827
Ooh!
48
00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:29,034
Ooh, that pinches!
49
00:01:29,103 --> 00:01:30,620
Pinches... no!
50
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:31,862
[ Crashing]
51
00:01:31,931 --> 00:01:34,931
Oh! I think he dented his
cathood on that Chrysler.
52
00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:45,172
♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪
53
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:50,896
♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪
54
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:54,068
♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪
55
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:58,206
♪ I wanna make it last...
56
00:02:00,310 --> 00:02:03,793
♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪
57
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:08,448
♪ and I like the way it feels.
58
00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:19,965
Oh, no. Don'’t tell me
59
00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:22,275
you'’re already
obsessing over Halloween.
60
00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:23,413
It'’s just a lame holiday
61
00:02:23,482 --> 00:02:24,482
like secretary'’s day.
62
00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:25,551
What'’s the point?
63
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,172
They have to order
their own flowers.
64
00:02:27,241 --> 00:02:29,551
This had nothing to
do with Halloween.
65
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:30,931
I'’m making a picture.
66
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,000
I mean, a movie.
67
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,862
It'’s going to be
a ground-breaking
68
00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,827
cinematic exploration
of pure evil.
69
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:38,137
With an upbeat musical
number at the end.
70
00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,965
You can put the
lights behind the sofa
71
00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:41,482
and the camera goes in my room.
72
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:43,275
So, what did you
think of the changes
73
00:02:43,344 --> 00:02:44,275
I made to my script?
74
00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:45,275
Brilliant.
75
00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:46,464
Adding the extra cheerleader
76
00:02:46,517 --> 00:02:47,965
really gives it
emotional reticence.
77
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:49,074
Thanks. I thought we could
78
00:02:49,137 --> 00:02:51,000
shoot the new stabbing
scene in your bedroom.
79
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:52,000
As in mybedroom?
80
00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:53,586
Forget about it.
81
00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:55,734
There'’s no way i'’m letting a
bunch of bad student actors
82
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:56,827
invade my personal space.
83
00:02:56,896 --> 00:02:58,336
I'’m just the writer-
slash-director.
84
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,137
You'’ll have to take it
up with my producer.
85
00:03:00,206 --> 00:03:04,689
Oh, look, I can assure you
that no damage will be done to...
86
00:03:04,758 --> 00:03:05,862
Wait a minute.
87
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,793
I know what this is about.
88
00:03:07,862 --> 00:03:10,965
How would you like
to play a cheerleader?
89
00:03:11,034 --> 00:03:11,965
Are you kidding?
90
00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:13,172
Who in their right mind
91
00:03:13,241 --> 00:03:15,517
would want to be in the
blood of mindy adelman?
92
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,241
Okay, so, I love the costume
93
00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:18,872
but I have a question
about my character.
94
00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:21,827
Can mindy be
spelled with two e'’s?
95
00:03:23,379 --> 00:03:26,655
Can you turn around for us?
96
00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:29,275
Can you show us your
jugular vein, please?
97
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,000
Can you show us
how you look dead?
98
00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:35,068
Can you show us
how you sing dead?
99
00:03:35,137 --> 00:03:37,413
If i'’m dead, why would I sing?
100
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:39,827
Next. Next.
101
00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:42,517
You'’re still casting?
102
00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:43,620
How hard can it be
103
00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,241
to find a decent cheerleader?
104
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,241
Rah! Rah!
105
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,241
Sis-boom-bah!
106
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,931
Go... team!
107
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,793
You got the part.
108
00:03:50,862 --> 00:03:52,551
I Don'’t want the part.
109
00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:54,413
Sorry, you should
have thought about that
110
00:03:54,482 --> 00:03:56,344
before you gave such
a brilliant audition.
111
00:03:56,413 --> 00:03:57,620
I was pretty good, wasn'’t I?
112
00:03:57,689 --> 00:03:58,689
I guess all the years
113
00:03:58,724 --> 00:03:59,872
of making fun of cheerleaders
114
00:03:59,896 --> 00:04:00,896
is finally paying off.
115
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:01,862
So, you'’ll do it?
116
00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:04,379
Okay, but I Don'’t
do splits, pyramids
117
00:04:04,448 --> 00:04:06,137
or the whole pompom thing.
118
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:07,206
Oh, no problem.
119
00:04:07,275 --> 00:04:09,724
I'’ll just have the
writer rewrite it.
120
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:11,000
I will cut the splits
121
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,000
but I am married to the pompoms.
122
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:16,586
Okay, we'’re ready for
our first prince of darkness
123
00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:17,586
Joe fensterblau.
124
00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:19,413
That'’s me.
125
00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:23,275
Nice fangs.
126
00:04:23,344 --> 00:04:25,241
Is there anything
about the character
127
00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:27,137
you want to tell
me before I start?
128
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:28,413
No. Just dive right in.
129
00:04:28,482 --> 00:04:30,413
Actually I have
one small direction.
130
00:04:30,482 --> 00:04:33,241
The vampire is an
extremely conflicted character
131
00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:35,000
grappling with inner turmoil.
132
00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:36,620
On the one hand
133
00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:38,413
he sees mindy as
a delicate flower
134
00:04:38,482 --> 00:04:40,034
who could be his life partner.
135
00:04:40,103 --> 00:04:42,551
And on the other hand,
he sees her as lunch. Go.
136
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:49,103
Mindy, mindy... adelman...
137
00:04:49,172 --> 00:04:51,068
When I look into your eyes
138
00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:53,206
I-I see deep into your soul.
139
00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:57,413
I see hunger.
140
00:04:57,482 --> 00:05:00,862
I see... passion.
141
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:01,862
I see we'’re running late.
142
00:05:01,931 --> 00:05:02,862
Thanks, Joe, for coming.
143
00:05:02,931 --> 00:05:03,965
We'’ll get back to you.
144
00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:09,586
Mindy... mindy adelman.
145
00:05:09,655 --> 00:05:10,310
Next!
146
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,551
Mindy...
147
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:13,310
Next!
148
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,758
[ Growls]Next!
149
00:05:16,413 --> 00:05:17,689
Sabrina, there is no next.
150
00:05:17,758 --> 00:05:19,586
You just vetoed
our last lead actor.
151
00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:20,758
I had to.
152
00:05:20,827 --> 00:05:22,724
None of these guys
seems like a real vampire.
153
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,068
Real vampire?
154
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:26,827
You know, as in
the vampire who...
155
00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:30,241
Could do justice to
your ingenious script.
156
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,344
So you'’re saying
if I could somehow
157
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,275
lower the quality of the writing
158
00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:35,793
we could hire a mediocre actor.
159
00:05:35,862 --> 00:05:38,034
No. I'’m saying the role
demands a professional.
160
00:05:38,103 --> 00:05:41,344
How can we get a professional
actor on a budget of $59?
161
00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:43,000
I know. We could
put an ad in the paper
162
00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:44,896
and hopefully there'’s
some actor between jobs
163
00:05:44,965 --> 00:05:45,965
that needs the exposure.
164
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,103
Well, I suppose if
we can'’t get one
165
00:05:48,172 --> 00:05:49,517
I could play the part.
166
00:05:49,586 --> 00:05:50,586
We'’ll get one.
167
00:05:50,655 --> 00:05:52,206
Wait a minute. Listen to this.
168
00:05:52,275 --> 00:05:53,517
"If assigned witches
169
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,344
"can teach an entire class
to be scary in one session
170
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:58,517
they are forever
relieved of scare duty."
171
00:05:58,586 --> 00:05:59,586
Paragraph 11.
172
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,758
Oh, I just fell in love
with the paragraph.
173
00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:04,172
Zellie, you and I wrote
the book on scaring people.
174
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,758
Remember? Scaring people
by hilda and Zelda spellman.
175
00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:07,862
This will be a snap.
176
00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:09,689
We'’ll go tutor
those little tikes
177
00:06:09,758 --> 00:06:12,379
and then we will rush
off to Sabrina'’s movie set
178
00:06:12,448 --> 00:06:14,000
to get ready for our close-ups.
179
00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:15,000
Two words:
180
00:06:15,068 --> 00:06:16,344
Soft focus.
181
00:06:16,413 --> 00:06:17,344
Two more words:
182
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:18,758
Bon voyage.
183
00:06:18,827 --> 00:06:19,551
[ Squeals]
184
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:22,103
Oh, when will I ever learn?
185
00:06:22,172 --> 00:06:23,551
[ Crashing]
186
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:25,827
I pray we get a
good response to our
187
00:06:25,896 --> 00:06:27,724
"desperately
seeking vampire" ad.
188
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:28,793
Oh, we will
189
00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:30,448
especially since we'’re offering
190
00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:31,689
free salami in the ad.
191
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,551
I'’m going to go put
these scripts on the porch.
192
00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:35,655
[ Screams]
193
00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:38,172
Normally people
just say "come in."
194
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:41,655
And I will, just as soon
as I start breathing again.
195
00:06:41,724 --> 00:06:43,275
Come in.
196
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,517
Good evening.
197
00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:48,413
I'’m Vladimir kortensky.
198
00:06:48,482 --> 00:06:50,862
I hope i'’m not too
early for the audition.
199
00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:53,103
I flew down the
transylvania turnpike.
200
00:06:53,172 --> 00:06:54,103
Literally.
201
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:55,965
I like it. Already in character.
202
00:06:56,034 --> 00:06:58,551
Did you get a chance
to look at the script?
203
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,344
When I look into your eyes
204
00:07:00,413 --> 00:07:02,206
I see deep into your soul.
205
00:07:02,275 --> 00:07:03,413
I see hunger.
206
00:07:03,482 --> 00:07:04,931
I see passion.
207
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,103
Redemption and resurrection.
208
00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:09,620
Come, let me feed on your beauty
209
00:07:09,689 --> 00:07:12,103
so we may live together forever.
210
00:07:12,172 --> 00:07:13,206
Okay.
211
00:07:13,275 --> 00:07:14,275
Miles...
212
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:16,517
Sabrina, I think
we found our guy.
213
00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:18,655
I know. Congratulations, vlad.
214
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:19,896
You got the job.
215
00:07:19,965 --> 00:07:21,896
Thank you.
216
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,206
I look forward to
our next encounter.
217
00:07:27,896 --> 00:07:31,137
[ Laughing]
218
00:07:31,206 --> 00:07:33,068
Now, thatis one great actor.
219
00:07:33,137 --> 00:07:35,758
And mind you, he
gave that performance
220
00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:38,724
without even dipping
into the free salami.
221
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:39,965
All right, class
222
00:07:40,034 --> 00:07:41,655
come to order.
223
00:07:41,724 --> 00:07:43,655
Let'’s begin by me telling you
224
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:45,551
a little bit about myself.
225
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:46,724
She'’s Zelda, i'’m hilda.
226
00:07:46,793 --> 00:07:48,517
We'’re going to teach
you how to be scary
227
00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:49,827
and then we'’re out of here.
228
00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:53,000
Now, the first thing you need
to learn about frightening others
229
00:07:53,068 --> 00:07:55,965
is the element of surprise.
230
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:57,689
In other words, boo!
231
00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:01,862
Perhaps you didn'’t hear me.
232
00:08:01,931 --> 00:08:02,862
I said
233
00:08:02,931 --> 00:08:04,310
boo!
234
00:08:04,379 --> 00:08:07,275
Okay, i'’ve warmed
them up for you.
235
00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:09,827
Let a legend show
you how it'’s done.
236
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,689
Ooga-booga-booga-booga-booga!
237
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,586
[ All laugh]
238
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:19,758
Legend... Target of humiliation.
239
00:08:19,827 --> 00:08:21,620
It'’s a fine line.
240
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,103
In this scene, you and roxie
241
00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,103
have come to check
on your best friend
242
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,344
cheerleader number two.
243
00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:28,344
She'’s not home,
so you decide to wait.
244
00:08:28,413 --> 00:08:29,896
It'’s warm in the apartment
245
00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:32,068
so you start to
remove your clothes.
246
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,517
Roxie: Miles, that'’s not
247
00:08:33,586 --> 00:08:34,655
in the script.
248
00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:36,793
I'’m talking to the
producer. Sabrina!
249
00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,931
Everybody keeps their
clothes on, especially me
250
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,758
since i'’m playing
cheerleader number two.
251
00:08:40,827 --> 00:08:41,758
[ Doorbell rings]
252
00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:43,137
Oh, that must be our vampire.
253
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:45,793
Good evening.
254
00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:48,689
Wow, you sound so familiar
255
00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:51,551
but... I can'’t place it.
256
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:55,241
Perhaps you'’ve heard
my voice-over work for kfc.
257
00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:57,482
"We do chicken right." Bluh!
258
00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:58,724
Oh, that'’s it.
259
00:08:58,793 --> 00:08:59,793
Come on in.
260
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,107
Hey, vlad, we'’re about to start
261
00:09:01,137 --> 00:09:02,379
the spaghetti dinner scene
262
00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:04,286
where the cheerleaders
carbo-load for the big game.
263
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,655
Yeah, you know, here
264
00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:07,655
help yourself to
some garlic bread.
265
00:09:07,724 --> 00:09:09,896
Do you have something
against garlic bread?
266
00:09:09,965 --> 00:09:10,896
Of course he does.
267
00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:12,517
He doesn'’t want garlic breath
268
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,620
because he has a
love scene coming up.
269
00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:19,000
Ouch! Miles, your stupid
script gave me a paper cut.
270
00:09:19,068 --> 00:09:20,482
Now i'’m bleeding.
271
00:09:20,551 --> 00:09:21,551
Blood?
272
00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:24,965
Perhaps I can help.
273
00:09:25,034 --> 00:09:27,448
I didn'’t know that paper
cuts were that interesting.
274
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:28,965
They are to some of us.
275
00:09:30,551 --> 00:09:32,689
Morgan, can I use your mirror?
276
00:09:32,758 --> 00:09:34,275
Oh, i'’m not finished.
277
00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:35,448
Oh, well, you never are.
278
00:09:35,517 --> 00:09:36,517
But maybe Vladimir
279
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:37,793
wants to check his makeup.
280
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:38,862
Uh, no need to.
281
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:39,965
Okay, time for a break.
282
00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:41,034
We haven'’t started.
283
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:43,137
Well, sorry, union rules.
284
00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:47,344
Um, Morgan, roxie, miles,
have some garlic bread.
285
00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:49,000
I'’ll be right back.
286
00:09:51,310 --> 00:09:52,689
By the way
287
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,379
i'’ll be playing
mindee with two e'’s.
288
00:09:56,448 --> 00:09:58,137
All right,
Mr. Vladimir kortensky
289
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,551
let'’s see if there'’s any
information about you
290
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:01,758
on the witch wide web.
291
00:10:01,827 --> 00:10:02,758
Aha!
292
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:04,896
I'’m Vladimir kortensky.
293
00:10:04,965 --> 00:10:07,068
I'’ve starred in over 47
294
00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:10,551
other realm dinner
theater productions
295
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:13,517
including: Don'’t
drink the o-positive
296
00:10:13,586 --> 00:10:15,793
bloodsuckingon the 23rd floor
297
00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:17,620
and same neck next year.
298
00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:19,068
I know this guy.
299
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,113
He'’s in all those beer
commercials for blood lite.
300
00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:22,965
[ Tape fast-forwards]
301
00:10:23,034 --> 00:10:27,172
My specials skills include
juggling, rollerblading,
302
00:10:27,241 --> 00:10:28,551
southern accents
303
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:31,689
and feasting on
the blood of mortals.
304
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:36,620
I Don'’t just play a
vampire on TV, I am one.
305
00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:37,862
I knew it!
306
00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:41,827
You have such beautiful veins.
307
00:10:41,896 --> 00:10:44,689
I cannot wait to
drink your blood.
308
00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:46,827
You'’re a little devil.
309
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,137
Not exactly.
310
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:52,827
Oh, have some garlic bread.
311
00:10:52,896 --> 00:10:54,620
I insist.
312
00:10:54,689 --> 00:10:55,965
Bluh!
313
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,206
[ Gasping]
314
00:11:01,275 --> 00:11:03,034
Sabrina, stop pushing
garlic bread at vlad.
315
00:11:03,103 --> 00:11:05,620
Thanks to your union holiday,
we'’re already behind schedule.
316
00:11:05,689 --> 00:11:07,241
We'’ll get started in a minute
317
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:09,137
just as soon as
I talk to Vladimir
318
00:11:09,206 --> 00:11:10,793
about our big scene... alone.
319
00:11:10,862 --> 00:11:12,310
What big scene?
320
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,596
The vampire kills you within
the first five seconds of the movie.
321
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:16,931
Oh, well, obviously, you
haven'’t read the rewrite.
322
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,482
Oh, so now she'’s a writer, too?
323
00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:20,275
I'’ll say it once...
She'’s not getting
324
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,896
anywhere near the editing room.
325
00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:24,551
Okay, vlad, I just
downloaded your resume.
326
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:26,206
I'’m onto your big secret.
327
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:28,275
Okay, so i'’m really not 22.
328
00:11:28,344 --> 00:11:30,379
What can I say? It'’s a
youth-obsessed business.
329
00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:31,724
Cut the quipping, count.
330
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:33,286
I know you'’re here to
drink my roommate'’s blood.
331
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,413
I am a vampire...
it'’s what I do
332
00:11:35,482 --> 00:11:38,724
and there was an actor'’s
strike in the other realm
333
00:11:38,793 --> 00:11:40,241
and I needed to work.
334
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:43,034
Well, buddy, you'’re messing
with the wrong production
335
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,758
'’cause I am a producer-
slash-actress-slash-witch.
336
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:47,275
And i'’m going to zap you back
337
00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:49,034
to the coffin you
crawled out of.
338
00:11:49,103 --> 00:11:50,551
[ Chuckles]
339
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:52,344
Apparently you haven'’t realized
340
00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:55,137
that your witchy powers
do not work on my kind.
341
00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:56,586
Now, if you'’ll excuse me
342
00:11:56,655 --> 00:11:58,448
I have a scene to do
343
00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:02,517
and i'’d really like to
sink my teeth into it.
344
00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,758
[ Laughing]
345
00:12:04,827 --> 00:12:07,482
Why couldn'’t we have
done a surfing movie?
346
00:12:07,551 --> 00:12:09,137
Zellie, we'’ve been
at this for hours
347
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,551
and we haven'’t made any headway
348
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:11,724
with these little punks.
349
00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:12,793
I Don'’t understand.
350
00:12:12,827 --> 00:12:15,172
Maybe it just takes more
to scare people today.
351
00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,413
Hey, guys.
352
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:17,413
[ Gasps] [ Gasps]
353
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:18,724
There goes that theory.
354
00:12:18,793 --> 00:12:20,655
Sabrina, what are
you doing here?
355
00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:22,137
And who'’s winning the big game?
356
00:12:22,206 --> 00:12:23,896
I have a major
problem with the movie.
357
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:25,137
We put an ad in the paper
358
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:27,310
and a real vampire
showed up to play the part.
359
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,655
Oh, and you need a
beautiful leading lady
360
00:12:29,724 --> 00:12:30,965
to star opposite him.
361
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:32,931
No. I need to know
how to stop a vampire
362
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,448
from sucking someone'’s blood.
363
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:36,758
Well, Sabrina, the
only way I know
364
00:12:36,827 --> 00:12:39,379
is to drive a stake
through his heart.
365
00:12:39,448 --> 00:12:41,068
Me, I use a kabob skewer.
366
00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,310
Miles?
367
00:12:44,379 --> 00:12:45,862
Morgan?
368
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,517
Roxie?
369
00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:48,689
Vladimir!
370
00:12:48,758 --> 00:12:50,448
Oh, my god, i'’m too late.
371
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:53,206
"Sabrina
372
00:12:53,275 --> 00:12:55,172
"Vladimir suggested we
head over to the school
373
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:56,586
"and shoot the
blood-sucking scene
374
00:12:56,655 --> 00:12:57,769
while everyone is still flesh."
375
00:12:57,793 --> 00:12:59,275
Oh, wait, that'’s "fresh."
376
00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:02,000
Oh, miles, you'’ve got to do
something about your "r'’s."
377
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:03,275
What am I doing?
378
00:13:03,344 --> 00:13:04,931
I'’ve got to get over there!
379
00:13:06,896 --> 00:13:08,068
[ Roxie screaming]
380
00:13:08,137 --> 00:13:09,413
Roxie! Roxie!
381
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:10,551
I'’m here. I'’ll save you.
382
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:11,448
Cut!
383
00:13:11,517 --> 00:13:12,793
Sabrina, what are you doing?
384
00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:14,862
First you delay the start
of principal photography.
385
00:13:14,896 --> 00:13:17,275
And now you ruin the
denouement of a pivotal scene.
386
00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:19,144
I'’m sorry, but we'’ve
got way bigger problems
387
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,275
than whatever that big
French word was you just used.
388
00:13:21,344 --> 00:13:22,344
Where'’s Vladimir?
389
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:23,424
He'’s with Morgan somewhere
390
00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:24,379
rehearsing a scene.
391
00:13:24,448 --> 00:13:25,586
Got to go.
392
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:28,034
It'’s just as well we'’re
shooting it again.
393
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:29,379
It doesn'’t really feel
394
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:31,551
like my character
would scream here.
395
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,310
Would you mind if the
director does? Take 47!
396
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:35,620
And action!
397
00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:40,241
Here'’s the plan:
Strength in numbers.
398
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:42,241
On three, we charge '’em.
399
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:45,275
One, two... three!
400
00:13:45,344 --> 00:13:48,793
[ Shrieking]
401
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:50,793
Get '’em!
402
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,448
Retreat! Retreat!
403
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,517
Retreat!
404
00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:56,451
What happened to
"strength in numbers"?
405
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:59,724
I realized there were
three of us and 12 of them.
406
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,655
I can'’t believe it...
We come to teach
407
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:03,241
and we get egged and charmined.
408
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,550
What'’s happened to us, zellie?
409
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:05,734
Why aren'’t we scary anymore?
410
00:14:05,758 --> 00:14:06,965
Living in the mortal realm
411
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:08,827
has just taken all
the fright out of us.
412
00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:11,103
Get up from there,
you big scaredy cats.
413
00:14:11,172 --> 00:14:12,655
Salem: You leave
cats out of this.
414
00:14:17,103 --> 00:14:18,275
Oh, that'’s it.
415
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:19,689
I'’ve had enough.
416
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:21,137
I am going home.
417
00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,793
What did I just hear?
418
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,068
My sister, one of the
scariest witches ever
419
00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:28,862
is thinking of hanging
up her broom?
420
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:31,827
We just need to dig
deep inside ourselves
421
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:34,103
and remember
what we'’re made of.
422
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:35,275
You go, girls.
423
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:39,068
[ Loud rumbling]
424
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,586
[ Kids gasping and screaming]
425
00:14:48,551 --> 00:14:50,896
We'’re back.
426
00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:52,689
So what if he'’s
an evil vampire?
427
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,000
I'’m not scared.
428
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:57,172
[ Screams]
429
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,241
Bluh, bluh...
430
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:00,137
All right, Vladimir,
get your hands up!
431
00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:02,758
Bluh... bluh...
432
00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:04,172
Put a cracker in it.
433
00:15:04,241 --> 00:15:05,620
Two classrooms down...
434
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:06,793
30 more to go.
435
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:09,068
Hopefully this guy has
trouble finding a vein.
436
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:13,310
You are so beautiful, and
with such a lovely neck.
437
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,448
No, wait.
438
00:15:14,517 --> 00:15:15,793
Stop.
439
00:15:15,862 --> 00:15:17,896
I want my best side
to show for the camera
440
00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:19,448
so could you bite me over here?
441
00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:20,655
But of course.
442
00:15:20,724 --> 00:15:24,068
I'’m nothing if not
accommodating. Bluh...
443
00:15:24,137 --> 00:15:25,137
No!
444
00:15:25,172 --> 00:15:26,482
Spellman.
445
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:27,655
Do you mind?
446
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:29,034
We'’re trying to rehearse
447
00:15:29,103 --> 00:15:31,172
and you'’re really
cramping my style.
448
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:32,482
Well, excuse me, but I was just
449
00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:34,517
trying to stop Vladimir
from sucking your blood.
450
00:15:34,586 --> 00:15:35,626
You can suck mine instead.
451
00:15:35,689 --> 00:15:36,724
What?
452
00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:37,793
It doesn'’t matter to me.
453
00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:38,862
I'’m not a fussy drinker.
454
00:15:38,931 --> 00:15:39,655
It'’s fine with me.
455
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:41,206
Well, it matters to me.
456
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,275
What, it'’s not enough
457
00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:44,103
that you are the
actor and producer...
458
00:15:44,172 --> 00:15:45,517
Now you have to be the star?
459
00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:47,586
My director is going
to hear about this.
460
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,862
How nice of you
461
00:15:49,931 --> 00:15:52,724
to sacrifice yourself
to save your friend.
462
00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:54,448
Yeah, well, let'’s
get it over with.
463
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:57,068
Mmm, tasty.
464
00:15:57,137 --> 00:15:58,655
What is your blood type?
465
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,379
I'’d like to know whether to
have you with fish or lamb.
466
00:16:01,448 --> 00:16:03,482
How about with stake?
467
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,413
I knew I should have
gone with the kabob skewer.
468
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,344
Got to go.
469
00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:23,034
Two, four, six, eight
470
00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:25,137
who do we annihilate?
471
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:36,689
Oh, that didn'’t work out.
472
00:16:36,758 --> 00:16:37,689
[ Growls]
473
00:16:37,758 --> 00:16:38,758
[ Groans]
474
00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:55,241
Looking for me, bat boy?
475
00:17:05,448 --> 00:17:07,000
I hope my hmo is paid up.
476
00:17:10,344 --> 00:17:11,344
Ha!
477
00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:17,586
Oh, look!
478
00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:19,931
Adams college was basketball
league champion in '’79.
479
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,068
Isn'’t that cool?
480
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,724
Ha!
481
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,620
Now all I need is that stake.
482
00:18:14,517 --> 00:18:15,620
Wrong kind of stake.
483
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:17,034
Nicely marbled, though.
484
00:18:17,103 --> 00:18:18,379
What the heck.
485
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:21,827
Bluh!
486
00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:25,413
I guess it'’s true
what they say.
487
00:18:25,482 --> 00:18:27,827
Red meat can kill you.
488
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,862
Sabrina, where'’s Vladimir?
489
00:18:31,931 --> 00:18:34,482
He, uh, just sort of
vanished into thin air.
490
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,241
You drove him away.
491
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,551
I told you, miles, she'’s
trying to destroy your film
492
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,379
because you didn'’t
cast her as the star.
493
00:18:40,448 --> 00:18:42,034
You'’re an evil
cheerleader, Sabrina.
494
00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:43,517
Evil!
495
00:18:43,586 --> 00:18:44,931
No, I can explain.
496
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,655
Actually, no, I can'’t.
497
00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:51,896
[ Wind howling]
498
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,206
[ Screaming]
499
00:18:58,103 --> 00:18:59,655
Hi, honey. Hello, sweetheart.
500
00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:00,862
Aunt hilda! Aunt Zelda!
501
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,275
What are you guys doing here?
502
00:19:03,379 --> 00:19:04,586
[ Relief sigh]
503
00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:05,655
We got our scare back
504
00:19:05,724 --> 00:19:07,344
and now we'’re ready
to be in your movie.
505
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,413
I won'’t be a
problem, Don'’t worry.
506
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,896
I look good from any angle.
507
00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:12,931
Look, I can'’t
really talk about...
508
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,068
Actually, I do
have parts for you.
509
00:19:15,137 --> 00:19:17,517
Aunt Zelda, could you
morph back into the monster?
510
00:19:17,586 --> 00:19:19,034
Aunt hilda, you come with me.
511
00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:23,724
Sabrina, how'’d you get
Vladimir to come back?
512
00:19:23,793 --> 00:19:25,172
Let'’s just say, as producer
513
00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:27,137
I had a "big stake" in it.
514
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,655
Background.
515
00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:33,034
Booga-booga-booga!
516
00:19:33,103 --> 00:19:34,275
Action!
517
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:38,103
When I look into your eyes,
I see deep into your soul.
518
00:19:38,172 --> 00:19:39,310
I see hunger.
519
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,620
I see passion
520
00:19:40,689 --> 00:19:42,758
resurrection and redemption.
521
00:19:42,827 --> 00:19:45,034
Come, let me
feast on your beauty
522
00:19:45,103 --> 00:19:47,241
so we may live together forever.
523
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,241
And cut.
524
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,586
Perfect!
525
00:19:50,655 --> 00:19:51,965
I'’ve got to reload
526
00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:53,965
then we'’ll go
again from the top.
527
00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:56,000
Hilda'’s voice: Another take?
528
00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:57,310
That was perfect.
529
00:19:57,379 --> 00:19:59,310
I'’m working for free here
530
00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:00,551
and i'’ve got the taste
531
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,586
of Morgan'’s
moisturizer in my mouth.
532
00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:04,620
But you'’re going home a star!
533
00:20:13,724 --> 00:20:15,068
Is there actually a movie here
534
00:20:15,137 --> 00:20:16,758
or just two hours
of ego-tripping?
535
00:20:16,827 --> 00:20:18,551
Yeah, where'’s my name?
536
00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:19,965
Oh, there it is!
537
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:21,689
Yay!
538
00:20:21,758 --> 00:20:23,034
Well, if you like the credits
539
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:24,620
you'’re going to
love the finale.
540
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:27,448
Uh, I made a slight
change in the editing room.
541
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,379
The finale is now the opening.
542
00:20:29,448 --> 00:20:32,551
[ Dance music playing]
543
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:41,655
♪ No, nuh-uh, get back, drac!
544
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:44,586
♪ You ain'’t putting your
fangs in us pretty young things ♪
545
00:20:44,655 --> 00:20:49,034
♪ no, nuh-uh, get
back, get back ♪
546
00:20:49,103 --> 00:20:50,896
♪ no, nuh-uh
547
00:20:50,965 --> 00:20:52,172
♪ get back, drac
548
00:20:53,379 --> 00:20:56,275
♪ no, nuh-uh, get back, drac
549
00:20:56,344 --> 00:21:01,551
♪ no, nuh-uh, get back, drac ♪
550
00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:03,068
♪ no!
37745
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
