All language subtitles for Sabrina.The.Teenage.Witch.S05E09.Lost.at.C.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

Ugly... cheesy...

That is solast year.

Stupid pet catalog.

Five bucks for a squeaker mouse

and it's not even
a good faux fur.

These people don't
know diddly about cats.

Do they have a
section on muzzles?

No. Why would a cat need a...

[ Chuckles]

Aren't you the witty one.

[ Phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hilda, that is so juicy.

I understand...
You're sequestered

and you can't discuss the case.

Call me the minute you break.

First day on other
realm jury duty

and hilda's already
on trial, and it's a biggy.

Is it that shady ring of
magic carpet cleaners?

No. The defendant is
the other realm's biggest

and sleaziest supplier
of black market hot tubs.

Lou packard.

You know him?

We've broken bread.

Lou taught me all about
the world of commerce,

how to move merchandise.

Wait a minute.

You two were actually
in business together?

If Thailand could talk.

I'll tell you something:

If Lou's convicted

and turned into a feline

he'll be appalled
by the outerwear

in this catalog.

I mean, what cat
with any self-respect

would be caught
dead wearing this?

[ Chuckles]

The joke's on you.

I said a cat with self-respect.

♪ Life's changing around me,
and I'm gonna make it mine ♪

♪ I'm reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time's moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last... ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels. ♪

I knew we should
have shoved our way

up to the front.

Why? He's handing
out English papers

not Macy gray tickets.-Exactly.

I kicked butt on that paper.

I want to collect my "a"
and slide into the weekend

basking in the afterglow
of a job well done.

Beats my weekend plans:

Helping my mother pick
out her new toilet seat

and recovering from
the "f" I'm about to get.

You really think you failed?

No, but this way if I did,

I won't be disappointed.

I'm going shopping
this weekend, too.

The apocalypse fest
and parking lot sale.

Killer deals. Everything
is priced to move.

Miles, you're up. Look alive.

Professor carlin, I don't
mean to lay a guilt trip on you,

but a bad grade could put

a dark cloud over my
entire apocalypse weekend.

Bring me back a hat?

I always do, sir.

Professor carlin,
I just want to say

what a pleasure it is

to explore American
literature with you.

I mean, as Mark
twain once said...

This bites the big one!

Ah, yes... Becky
Thatcher in Tom Sawyer.

She was a real potty mouth.

Sabrina, are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

I got a "c"! A "c"!

[ Dramatic music playing]

Big deal. You got a "c."

It's not like it's the first one

you've ever gotten.

Oh, my god, it is.

Roxie, this paper is my future.

I mean, getting a
"c" is like being told,

"nice try. Now go hose
down the slurpee machine."

Hey, I got a "c," and
I have no intention

of Hawking big gulps
for the rest of my life.

I got a "d"

and a... giant question Mark.

I'm sorry, guys.

You know how I
am about my grades.

-Psycho.-psycho.

Hey, I worked really
hard on this paper.

I just don't get
what the problem is.

The problem is carlin.

He doesn't want to
spoil his reputation

as the toughest
teacher at Adams.

Not to mention he's a
pawn of the establishment.

No connection between
huckleberry Finn

and the rise of the
military-industrial complex? Please.

Mystery solved about hisgrade.

You're going to obsess
about this, aren't you?

No. Obsessing is
what miles does.

I prefer confrontation.

You hate confrontation.

Good point.

Would you go ask carlin
why he gave me a "c"?

Fine. I'll do it,
but you owe me.

Professor carlin?

Oh, hello, Sabrina.

I don't mean to be
disrespectful or anything,

but I just wanted to talk to you
about the grade you gave me

on the huck finnpaper.

I think it is completely
bogus and totally ridiculous.

Well, I like students
who aren't afraid

to express their opinion.
Keep up the good work.

Professor carlin, it was
a well-constructed essay.

My footnotes were awesome.

I triple-checked for typos.

I even included that
bonus paragraph

"factoids of the
mighty Mississippi."

Look, Sabrina, the mechanics
of your paper were good

but your thesis lacked
depth, originality and punch.

It was oozing with punch.

If you want to argue
that huckleberry finnis

about hypocrisy in
society, I'm all for that,

but you need
specifics to back it up:

How did huck's upbringing
impact his relationship with Jim

as they rode down the river?

Why did I have to say "river"?

Still, I don't think
I deserved a "c."

Well, just work harder
on your next assignments

and eventually
you'll get that "p."

I mean, "b."

I'm going to try
the third floor.

"B"? I want an "a"!

[ Banging on door]

[ Men shouting]

Oops.

Hilda, Lou packard has swindled
hundreds of gullible women

out of their life savings.

Yes, I'm sure he
has a very nice smile.

No, I will not go to your
bank and make a withdrawal.

Call me later.

I can't believe it.

Hilda is developing a
crush on Lou packard.

What on earth?

What is all of this?

Salem, what did
you do, Rob a petco?

Petco? Please.

These are all custom-designed
Salem saberhagen originals.

"Anti-tick shampoo with jojoba"?

Zellie, witness the
rebirth of animal retail.

My new business...

Cat-opia!

"Furniture, apparel, cuisine

pour le chat a la mode."

"For the cat with
ice cream on top"?

The gals in accounting
came up with that.

Salem, you can't open a store.

You're no good with
the general public

and you have no thumbs.

Not a factor, baby doll.

This is strictly an
Internet operation

catering to the millions

of felines with
discretionary income.

I hate to burst your bubble,

but not many cats know
how to work a computer.

Please! Show me a cat
that can't work a mouse.

[ Chuckles]

I've got a much better
vibe about this paper.

I'm feeling very confident.

Then why did you chew off

nine of your fingernails?

I need the fiber.

There's nothing to
be nervous about.

I told you guys what
professor carlin said

about supporting our arguments.

We all worked very
hard on our papers

and I'm sure it'll be
reflected in our grades.

But don't go by me.

I can't believe this.

We did everything he wanted

and we all got cs.

This is awesome! I
shot up to average.

In a month, I could
be wrecking the curve.

This is insane.

I mean, I supported my
thesis 25 different ways.

This paper is
filthy with subtext.

Spellman, when are
you going to realize?

It doesn't matter how
hard you work for carlin...

"c" is the best grade
anyone ever gets in his class.

Hilda, I don't care how
dreamy Lou's eyes are.

Love notes do not usually
contain the words "or else."

Oh, honey, I've got to go.

Hi, Sabrina.

How'd you do on
your English paper?

I got a freakin' "c," okay?!

You're kidding.

I thought it was a
wonderful paper.

I loved the way you identified

hawthorne's
symbolic use of color...

Dimmesdale's white lofty brow

chillingworth's black heart

and hester prynne's
Scarlet letter.

All leading to
Sabrina's big fat "c."

You know, maybe i'm
just not cut out for college.

Maybe I should drop
out, join a road crew

and pick up trash
along the highway.

I could meet interesting
felons, work outdoors

plus I'm one of the few people
who looks really good in orange.

Honey, you're not
picking up trash.

You're going to stay in school

and finish your education.

You know, I used
to love English.

It was always my
favorite language.

But now I don't care
if I read another novel

as long as I live.

Oh, honey, I know
plenty of tough graders

but turning students off

to learning really
cracks my corn.

I'm going to give professor
carlin a piece of my mind.

No, please, don't.

Look, I don't want
carlin singling me out

because I went and
cried to my auntie.

I'm not going in as your aunt.

I'm going in as an educator.

I'll be professional
and discrete.

You know how good
I am with people.

Oh, professor, so sorry to hear

your wife left you.

She did?

Excuse me.

Are you professor carlin?

Yes, I am.

I'm afraid I've already
hired my graduate t.A.

Oh, you thought I
was a graduate...

Aren't you sweet.

That depends on who you ask.

And you would be?

Single... I mean, Zelda.

I mean, professor
Zelda spellman.

Hi, Zelda. I'm Arthur.

It's a pleasure to finally
make your acquaintance.

-I've been hearing wonderful
things about you.-Really?

They say the quality of
the science department's

gone up 12 notches
since you came aboard.

Well, I do have a
passion for physics.

I try to use it to
inspire my students.

That's very admirable.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, uh, not that
you need a reason,

but what brings you here?

Oh, yes. My niece Sabrina.

Ooh, I wasn't
supposed to say that.

Oh, look, just between us,
she's feeling very frustrated

about her hawthorne paper

which I read and
thought was quite good.

It was good, but not great.

A great paper
would have explored

hawthorne's
frequent use of mirrors

to reveal the characters
in her thoughts

and the emotional
tension between them.

I'm surprised that
wasn't obvious to you.

Well, I just skimmed it, really.

But the issue is bigger

than this one paper.

I'm afraid that by being
so tough on your students

you're destroying their morale.

Zelda, I know I'm not
the world's easiest teacher

but I feel my role is to raise
the bar and show these kids

that they're capable
of doing better.

That's what's going
to prepare them

for the demands
of the real world.

It's true.

It's very competitive out there.

Things were so much
simpler when I went to school.

We went to class during
the day, studied at night

and fought the ottoman
empire on the weekends.

Rival football team.

Football fan, are you?

Well, I certainly could be.

So, did you talk to carlin?

Oh! We chatted some.

Well, what did he say?

Oh, this and that.

What this? What that?

Well, he said that
if you work harder,

you'll get a better grade

and something about mirrors

that I didn't quite understand.

That's all you got out of it,

that I should work harder?

That's the gist
of hit. Got to go.

Whoa, whoa. I get the feeling

there's something
you're not telling me.

Oh, all right.

Professor carlin and
I have a date tonight.

A date? You went in there
to bolster student morale

and you came out
dating the enemy?

Sweetheart, he's
not Saddam Hussein.

He's a man of strong convictions

trying to get the best
out of his students.

I'm convinced that if
you really apply yourself,

your hard work will pay off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thanks for
nothing, aunt sellout.

This is incredible.

I can't believe I got an "a"

on the Hemingway paper.

That's the first "a"

professor carlin's
given out this decade.

You know, I didn't believe it

but I guess it's true...

If you really apply yourself

your hard work will be rewarded.

So, what time are
you picking me up

for our date tonight?

The sooner the better.

Looks like you're
not the only one

who's applying herself.

What does that mean?

Your aunt's doing all the work

and you're the one
getting rewarded.

Congratulations on your "a."

Stop staring at me.

I can't help it.

I never thought

that you would be the one

to rip apart the moral
fabric of academia.

What can I say? I'm
good with my hands.

For the hundredth time

my "a" had nothing to do

with my aunt dating
professor carlin.

Miles, would you
just lay off of her?

We should admire Sabrina.

Thank you, roxie.

She was just using her
wits and her aunt's body

to get the grade she
couldn't earn on her own.

I did earn it.

That "a" was a huge
accomplishment for me.

Of course... another milestone
in your insatiable quest

to climb the ladder
of corruption and evil.

Hey, I'm on your side.

Remember me when
you reach the top.

"Through his juxtaposition
of the ravages of war

"to the beauty of the landscape

"Hemingway reveals
his personal code

in a world fraught with
cruelty and suffering."

This is a darn good paper.

I earned that "a."

Or maybe this is
an average paper

and I earned the
eternal contempt

of my friends and classmates.

I need another opinion.

But where am I
going to find someone

who's impartial and objective
with a strong ethical sense?

Greetings, little lady.

May I please speak to
the feline of the house?

What are you doing?

Branching out from the
Internet to direct sales.

I need your opinion
on my new products.

"Saberhagen's
miracle worm elixir?

Eliminates worms, blemishes
and limp-whisker syndrome."

What's in this?

[ Laughing]: Like I'd tell you.

Patent pending.

Salem, I don't have time

for your snake oil hucksterism.

I got to figure out
whether I earned that "a"

or if professor carlin
just gave it to me

'cause he's dating aunt Zelda.

Dating?

For the past week, he's been
chasing her around the house

like an animal in heat.

Speaking of which

can I interest you in
a home spaying kit?

"An animal in heat"?

$12.99, and you
get a full refund

should you
inadvertently have kittens.

Professor carlin, do
you have a minute?

Uh, maybe later, Sabrina.

I have a class if...

I could just get this door open.

I'll be quick.

I just wanted to talk
to you about this thing

between you and my aunt.

Ah, yes, the exquisite Zelda.

Hey, you never told me

your aunt was a
vision of loveliness.

Not unlike the
young lady chatterley.

Funny, I don't know how
that didn't come up in class.

Listen, can I ask
you about my grade?

You must be quite pleased
about finally getting that "a."

I'm outraged.

I mean, it's one thing
to work hard for an "a"

but it's another
to be handed one

you may not deserve
because your aunt

is dating your
English professor.

I don't like what you're
implying, Sabrina.

Okay, maybe you
didn't do it on purpose,

but if you were easier
on me than everyone else,

that's just not right.

I don't understand...
First you complain

my grades are too
hard... Now they're too soft.

I just want what's fair.

I would really like it if you
would reread my essay

and give me the grade I deserve.

All right, fine.

If it will make you happy,

I'll take it home and
have a look at it tonight.

What is with the
doors in this building?

Thank you.

No, hilda, even if
he isproven innocent.

I have no intention

of double-dating in a hot tub

with you, Lou
and his brother stu.

Oh, what now?

Hey, foxy mama, what
are you doing later?

I knock off at 5:00.

I'm going to knock
you off right now.

Hilda, I've got to go.

Salem, Arthur's going
to be here any minute.

I can't have you driving around
the living room on a forklift.

Sorry, but one of my
boys called in sick.

Oh, feast your
eyes on this baby.

I know I'm going to
be sorry I asked this,

but what is that?

Meet the relax-a-cat,

the one-stop feline
pleasure center.

Let me demonstrate.

[ Low rumbling]

Oh, go work it, baby.

That's disgusting.

[ Doorbell rings]

Arthur's here.

Floor show's over.

In a minute.

This is the best part.

No, this is the best part.

[ Yelling]

Mmm... peanut butter?

Interesting.

Hi.

Hello. You look
absolutely ravishing.

Thank you.

I've always depended on
the compliments of strangers.

I believe the correct
Tennessee William's quote

is "the kindness of strangers."

I was making a joke.

Well, I'll get my bag and

we'll be on our way.

Hey, Zelda, what
is all this junk?

Just a few odds and ends.

Shouldn't we be going?

"The ultimate kitty
colon cleanser."

I'm thinking of starting

a little business on the side.

I like to dabble in
different fun things.

A cat colon cleansing company?

You have to admit, you
don't see anyone else doing it.

"Kitty culottes"?

"Feline footwear"?

Zelda, you shouldn't
be wasting your time

with this nonsense.

It's my time.

I can do what I want with it.

Why are you always telling me

what I should and shouldn't do?

It's just... I hate dabblers.

You also hate wines
that aren't from France

restaurants without maitre d's

movies without subtitles...

That's not true.

I enjoyed bonfire
of the vanities.

Of course, that was after

a bottle of excellent
French burgundy.

As usual, you're
missing the entire point.

You criticize everything.

Zelda, all I was
trying to say was

it's the dabblers and
dilettantes of the world

who lower the bar

and undermine the
work of serious thinkers.

And it's the narrow-minded,

judgmental
blowhards of the world

who stifle creativity.

I hate those people, too.

I was talking about you.

Is that another one
of your little jokes?

Do you see me laughing?

Hey, Salem, you left your
sample case at my house

and there's an awful
odor coming from it.

Yeah, that worm elixir only
has a shelf life of one hour.

But I got a new idea
that'll go through the roof.

Flea-nut butter.

Actually that doesn't
sound too bad

but I just might be giddy

because of my moral
victory with professor carlin.

I might be getting a
lower grade. Woo-hoo!

Zelda: You pompous jerk!

Carlin: You frivolous
little dilettante.

You should really be happy now.

Sounds like Zelda's
going to score you an "f."

Woo-hoo!

Oh, no.

I have had it

with your nit-picking
perfectionism

always demanding
that I do better.

Hello! Physically impossible.

I was trying to inspire you.

But obviously, you're
a hopeless case.

You infuriate me.

You disgust me.

You repulse me.

-Are we going to kiss now?-No.

Just checking.

Hi, guys.

Care for some dried fruit?

No, thank you. I
was just leaving.

Oh, come on. The
figs are really yummy.

Yummy?

You call yourself
a college student?

You sound like a five-year-old.

How dare you insult my niece?

No, no, no. He was
right to insult me.

I'd like to substitute "yummy"

with "gastronomically pleasing."

Don't pander to him.

If you want to say
"yummy," you say "yummy."

If you want to call him a big
dummy, you go right ahead.

But I don't want to.

Well, I do.

Dummy, dummy,
dummy, dummy, dummy!

Nanny-nanny-nanny goat.

And on that mature
note, I bid you adieu.

Wait! Wait!

She doesn't know
what she's saying!

She's not my real aunt!

I am so getting an "f."

So, we're into bribes now.

That is so godfather.

I like it.

It might be my last chance
to salvage a decent grade.

You really think pork
pate and a hard salami

is going to help you?

And what's that stuff?

Flea-nut butter.

I'm desperate.

Good morning, professor carlin.

Hello, Sabrina.

I just wanted to
bring you some things

to apologize for
the whole dilettante

aunt debacle.

"Debacle"? It's a good word.

Definitely a step
up from "yummy."

You know, who was I to argue

with your whole grading method?

Some naive college
student, that's who.

So, I say let
bygones be bygones.

You know, we go back to the
original grade, start fresh. Pate?

No, thanks.

Sabrina, I reread your
paper, and you were right.

The grade I gave
you wasn't fair.

So I changed it.

Why did I open my big mouth?

A-plus? Are you drunk?

When I went through it again,

I discovered nuances I'd
missed on the first read.

You did a truly superior job.

You deserved a better grade.

Even though my aunt
called you pompous?

Well, I can be a bit
pompous sometimes.

I'm afraid I owe
Zelda an apology.

You know, professor
carlin, I just want to point out

that you have a lot of
bright, motivated students.

And I think it's great

that you want to raise the bar,

but sometimes you
have to meet us halfway.

Point taken.

Miss spellman, you've
got a lot of gumption.

"Gumption"? Is that the best
word you can come up with?

Yes, it was.

And I'm fine with
that; Great word.

Great to see you again, Lou.

The years have been good to you.

You, too.

We got some memories,
don't we, saberhagen?

We'll always have Bangkok.

Hmm, you know, I thought
I was a goner this time.

Thank god for that ditzy blond

who kept winking at
me from the jury box.

That's my hildy.

So, let's get down to business.

Ready to buy me out,

make a fortune
cleaning cat colons?

I've done worse.

Yeah. To me.

[ Laughing]

Schnapps?

Please.

To us.

[ Low humming]

[ Chuckling]: Oh...

I got the good jet.