All language subtitles for Sabrina.The.Teenage.Witch.S05E04.You.Cant.Twin.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

You'’ll never believe it.

I have finally met the man

of my dreams... The
real thing... the one!

Congratulations.

How is he different from
the 400 other "the ones?"

Well, he'’s gorgeous.

He'’s charming. He'’s funny.

Sounds different so far.

Did I mention that
he'’s gorgeous?

His name is Alec.

I met him this morning at
the other realm post office.

Oh, please tell me his
picture wasn'’t on the wall.

Alec happens to
be a very fine actor.

He is currently starring

in the other realm soap
opera another realm.

Ooh, ask him who'’s the
real father of charlene'’s baby.

My money'’s on Bob
the dancing gargoyle.

Hilda, I know what I say

will have absolutely no
effect on you, but please

be careful. Go slow.

It'’s just that we Don'’t
want you to end up

with someone who
isn'’t right for you.

You Don'’t have to worry.

I have my eyes open and
my feet firmly on the ground.

Did I mention he'’s gorgeous?

Did I mention you'’re
about to hit your head?

Ow!

I guess it'’s true. Love hurts.

♪ Life'’s changing around me ♪

♪ and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out
and living by my rules ♪

♪ time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last

♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Training for the
olympic clothes toss?

I'’m looking for
my black t-shirt.

Have you seen it?

Not only have I
seen, I washed it.

You washed my t-shirt?

How could you?

You'’re welcome.

Happy to do you
the favor. Here, smell.

Fresh as a springtime morning.

The only thing I hate
more than springtime

is morning.

New rule: Never touch my stuff.

Newer rule: Okay, I won'’t.

So there.

Fair warning, roxie'’s
on the warpath.

It'’s going to be a
long ugly weekend.

Oh, not for me.
I'’ve got a big date.

Uh, you know, the
person who finishes the pot

is supposed to make a new one.

Oh, I guess that'’s you.

But before you do,
I need your opinion.

I'’m going out with Josh tonight

and I can'’t decide
what to wear.

Hot and sexy

or cool and coy?

You guys are going out again?

No, we'’re staying in.

I'’m making dinner.

Actually, the
restaurant'’s making dinner

but i'’m putting
it on the plate.

Oh, that sounds like a
pretty romantic evening.

You'’re right.

Neither of these
are romantic enough

but I have got
the perfect little

off-the-shoulder
number in my closet.

Josh will love it.

I'’m so glad you introduced us.

Don'’t mention it...

Ever again.

Sabrina, i'’m videotaping
the meteor shower tonight

so i'’ll need to run some cables
through your bedroom window.

You'’re going to leave
my window open?

It'’s 30 degrees out.

Come on, this is

a once in a lifetime experience

unless I live to be
147 or I freeze my body

but I have an aversion to cold.

But it'’s okay to turn
me into a popsicle?

I knew I could count on you.

I say we do our
project on the gold rush.

I say prohibition.

What is so wrong

with the expedition
of Lewis and Clark?

[ All arguing]

Since you can'’t
make a decision, I will.

We live in Boston.
We all like to party.

We'’re going to do
the Boston tea party.

Boston tea party...
that'’s like so sixth grade.

I Don'’t like parties.

I Don'’t like Boston.

People, we have to
agree on something.

Let'’s take a coffee break.

Both: I agree.

[ Groans loudly]

I can'’t remember...

Does two head bangs
mean regular or decaf?

I am in the study
group from hell.

I mean, they can'’t
make a decision

and they won'’t listen
to anything I have to say.

I'’d love to get into it

but I have to get a haircut
before my date tonight.

Morgan'’s making me dinner.

Yeah, and I bet she'’s planning

one or two surprises
for after dinner.

I hope one of them is cake.

Hey, uh... you'’re okay

with this whole me
and Morgan thing, right?

Yeah, you know...

I mean, who introduced you? Me.

I know and it'’s
working out great.

Yeah, everything'’s
working out great.

Don'’t touch my stuff.

Don'’t close the window.

Morgan, I love you.

Yes, i'’ll marry you.

Remember the alamo.

Go away, go away, go away!

Fine.

Oh, no, no, no.

Sorry, I was just, you know

swatting away some
personal demons.

I just wanted to introduce
you to my new friend Alec.

This is Sabrina.

Hello. Hi.

Did I lie? Isn'’t he gorgeous?

Oh, hilda, stop.

You'’re going to spoil me.

No, you'’re going to spoil me.

He'’s taking me to
the rings of saturn...

The best amusement
park in the galaxy.

The happiest place not on earth.

Check your troubles at the door

and have the time of your life.

Check your troubles at the door?

[ All arguing]

When do we leave?

Sabrina, it'’s our first date.

Well, then you'’ll
need a chaperon.

Come on, kids.

[ Carnival music playing]

This is so much fun.

You know, getting
away from my problems

is just what the doctor ordered.

Did I mention that Alec
plays the handsome

and brooding
Dr. Terrence hunicutt

on the highly acclaimed
daytime drama another realm?

Listen and listen
good, nurse Wilson.

No one dies on my watch.

Don'’t you love it
when he does that?

Yeah, I have chills.

So, who wants to go
ride the roller coaster?

I do.

Oh, pass. It wreaks
havoc with the hair.

Oh, well, I like to live
on the edge, so gotta go.

How about the house of mirrors?

Again? We'’ve been
there three times.

And yet, I never tire of it.

We could do something different.

You could row me
through the tunnel of love

with those big strong arms.

Well, rowing would be a
great workout for my upper body

but, uh... i'’m in the
mood to see all of me.

House of mirrors it is.

That roller coaster was great.

I Don'’t know what Alec'’s
problem was with the hair.

Hey, cousin it, step
on up, grab a meteor.

What do I have to do?

Just aim at earth

and give it a hurl.

Well, that sounds like fun

and, after that roller
coaster, I am ready to hurl.

This one'’s for you, miles.

Awesome!

That one looked like
it was aimed at me.

We got ourselves a winner!

Here'’s your prize, little lady.

Oh, uh... no, thanks.

One is more than enough.

God, I love that place.

Did you notice that even
in the most distorted mirrors

I still look great?

No, but I did notice that
your head gets bigger.

Really?

Alec, I hate to talk

about me for a moment,
but do you ever think

about anything other
than how you look?

Certainly.

Sometimes, I think about
how other people think I look.

You know, I can hurl a
meteor all the way to earth

but I can'’t make a free
throw with a churro wrapper?

No need. I got it.

Katrina?

Your one and only evil twin.

I know... I never forget a
face, especially when it'’s mine.

I thought you were
locked up for eternity

for pushing me
into that volcano.

I had a good lawyer.

I'’m still in jail

but I get a reduced sentence
if I do community service.

Did you gain weight?

You are so evil.

Sorry. I might be
nicer if I had your life.

Believe me, my life is
not all fun and games.

Well, maybe it is right now

but, back at college, i'’ve got

a roommate who'’s
giving me the cold shoulder

another one who'’s
trying to freeze me out

and a third one who'’s
getting all hot and heavy

with this guy
Josh I kind of like.

Well, i'’m sharing
a filthy 4x4 cell

with the most obnoxious
piece of trailer trash

in the other realm.

Sorry if I Don'’t
seem sympathetic.

Look, I got to find my aunt
hilda and her boyfriend.

It was a pleasure
seeing you again, Katrina.

The pleasure was all yours.

You know, the worst
thing a person can do

is go through life being bitter.

Maybe you should think
about making some changes.

I intend to... starting now.

Good luck, Katrina.

Bye.

Don'’t you mean "Sabrina"?

[ Evil laughter]

Oh, what'’s the matter, hildy?

You seem out of sorts.

You actually noticed?

No, the ticket taker

at the house of
mirrors mentioned it.

I want you to take me
home right now, Alec.

There'’s Sabrina. Sabrina?

Finally, i'’ve been
looking all over for you.

Why are you wearing
a maintenance uniform?

I... won it at the
house of garbage.

Garbage? Oh, I wonder

if you could see
yourself in the cans?

Can it, Dr. I love myself.

Sabrina, I hate
to spoil your fun

but we'’re going back
to the mortal realm.

No problem. That'’s
exactly where I want to be.

So long, Sabrina.

Have a nice eternity.

[ Evil laughter]

[ Thunder and lightning]

Ah, home, sweet home.

Just like I imagined it.

I mean, remembered it.

Ooh, ugly cat.

Now, that really hurts

coming from someone
in a maintenance uniform.

Who wants to play
"you Don'’t know Jack"?

How about you, boyfriend?

Oh, sorry, Salem,
Alec was just leaving.

Oh, i'’m in no hurry.

Did I tell you I
once played Jack

in a national tour of
Jack and the beanstalk?

Fee-fi-fo...

I believe the word

you'’re looking for is "fum."

You'’re early.

I'’m Zelda.

You must be "the one."

The one in your thoughts
or the one in your dreams?

Eww! Zelda, kitchen, now.

Well, this has really been fun

but I got to get going.

Take one of these as a souvenir

and good luck with your
problems back home.

Thanks. You know, they probably

weren'’t as bad as
I thought they were.

P.A.: All travelers
leaving the other realm

please have your passports ready

and your luggage
available for inspection.

Whoa, not so fast, blondie.

I can'’t let you leave
the other realm.

This passport'’s no good.

Of course it'’s good.

I use it every time I
come to the other realm.

Let me see that.

[ Gasps]: Why,
that evil little... twin.

She switched passports on me.

This is not my passport.

My name is Sabrina, not Katrina.

Do I look like an
evil twin to you?

I Don'’t know, lady.

I'’m not a psychologist.
I scan stuff.

Look, you'’re
making a big mistake.

Arrivederci, baby.

Okay.

Stay calm.

Don'’t panic.

Let me out of here!

Woman: Save your breath, honey.

Aunt Zelda?

No, her evil twin jezebelda.

I'’ve been busier

than a pair of jumper
cables at a family reunion

trying to get my
sorry butt out of here.

If they ain'’t springing me

they sure ain'’t springing you.

It'’s amazing how much
you look like my aunt Zelda.

Bite your tongue, girlie.

So, tell me, how is that
skinny-legged little egghead?

Oh, she'’s fine.

I'’ll-i'’ll give her your best.

You were right, Zelda.

"The one" is not the one.

Then what is he still
doing in our house?

Probably admiring his
reflection in a doorknob.

I tried to get rid of him,
but he won'’t take a hint.

Well, stop hinting.

Just go up there
and tell him the truth.

That he'’s a self-centered,
arrogant egomaniac

and he doesn'’t deserve
a treasure like me?

The first part sounded good.

Okay, new outfit, new realm...

I'’m ready to do some evil.

Sabrina, have you seen Alec?

Oh, he'’s at your vanity
waxing his arm hair.

Ugh. I should have
listened to you before.

Of course you should'’ve.

What did I say?

The last thing that you wanted

was for me to end
up with someone

who isn'’t right for me.

And this guy is sowrong.

I said that was the
last thing i'’d want?

Because I think you
misinterpreted what I was saying.

Then what were you saying?

Well, in a nutshell,
you'’re over 600 years old.

You can'’t afford to be picky.

You should grab this
guy before he drops you

for a hot little 500 year old.

But, Sabrina, I
can'’t stand Alec.

And even Zelda says
that if I feel that way

I should get rid of him.

Why do you think she said that?

She wants him for herself.

You think?

I know.

Well, he is gorgeous.

That'’s what Zelda
said, repeatedly.

That skinny-legged little vamp!

Thanks for tipping
me off, Sabrina.

I owe you one.

Anytime.

You know what? You
could do me a favor.

I sprained my finger
on the tilt-a-whirl.

Could you send
me back to college?

[ Magical ping]

Huh. So this is my room.

It'’s colder than my cell.

This meteor
shower'’s unbelievable.

Thanks for letting me

run my cables
through your window.

You'’re a real friend, Sabrina.

Well, any friend of Sabrina'’s

is an enemy of mine.

[ Sinister chuckling]

I'’m so evil.

[ Tapping]

[ Short-circuiting]

No matter what I do,
my magic just won'’t work!

That'’s why they
call it prison, honey.

I'’ll tell you what'’s a crime.

That Zelda gets to run wild
while i'’m locked up in here.

I was the pretty one.

I was the talented one.

I was the one who was
supposed to go places.

What happened?

I was a bad, bad girl.

I started a little thing
called the bubonic plague.

That'’s awful!

Thank you.

No, that'’s like one of the
worst disasters in human history!

Now you'’re embarrassing me.

You'’re lying on my bed.

You know how I feel
about you touching my stuff.

Yeah, it'’s right here in
your diary... October 3rd.

The same entry where you
admit you still suck your thumb.

Have you lost your mind?

This is my personal property.

If you didn'’t
want me to read it

you shouldn'’t have left it

locked in that little box

underneath your mattress.

Finally.

I been trying to get
in here for 20 minutes.

Thanks to you
unplugging my cables

I missed the best of
the meteor shower.

At least she didn'’t
read your diary.

Sabrina, you'’re
acting so weird.

This isn'’t like you at all.

How far in my diary did you get?

Enough to know that you had
a dream about miles last night.

Really?

Don'’t get too excited.

You were dead.

Ooh, Sabrina, Don'’t eat those.

They'’re for my date with Josh.

Josh?

Yeah. He'’ll be here any minute.

I can'’t wait.

So how'’s my outfit?

I Don'’t know.

What are you going to wear?

This.

Oh. I guess it'’s a look.

I'’m changing.

[ Doorbell rings]

If that'’s Josh, tell him i'’ll
be down in five minutes.

My pleasure.

Hey, Sabrina. Where'’s Morgan?

Morgan? Oh, Morgan.

Um, yeah, you know what?

She just got very sick

and she told me
she has to cancel.

Really? She was fine when I
talked to her 20 minutes ago.

Came on very suddenly.

Hmm. Well, so much for dinner.

Guess it'’s me and
my microwave tonight.

Or... I could be your date.

Wait, wait, Sabrina...

I thought you didn'’t
want to go out with me.

Why wouldn'’t I want
to go out with someone

as charming and handsome as you?

I have no idea.

Listen, if I get that
guard to spring you

will you promise to
poison your aunt Zelda?

With what?

I mean, no!

There'’s got to be
a way out of here.

[ Gasps]

And I think I just found it.

[ Lip-synching with TV]: Now,
listen, and listen good, nurse Wilson.

[ Salem joins in]: No
one dies on my watch.

Bravo!

We make one heck of a team.

Dr. Hunicutt and his swarthy
feline sidekick, Gustavo.

Alec, snack time.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

What is that cretin
still doing here?

He'’s our cat. He lives here.

Not thatcretin, the other one.

I thought you were
going to dump him.

You Don'’t fool me
for a minute, sister.

I'’m onto you.

Sabrina told me about
your plan to try to steal Alec.

What?!

And, look, a meteor.

It'’s a message from Sabrina.

"I'’m trapped in
the other realm.

"Katrina stole my passport

"and switched places with me.

Zelda'’s evil twin
says, '’hi, y'’all.'’"

she'’s trapped with jezebelda.

We'’ve got to get
Sabrina out of there.

Wait a minute... if
Sabrina'’s back there

that means it was Katrina who
told me I shouldn'’t dump Alec.

Hey, pretty boy!

Not now...

I'’m watching, here.

Well, watch what happens next.

We'’re breaking up.

Oh, a breakup
scene. I love those.

What'’s my motivation?

I hate you.

Perfect.

Dr. Hunicutt, you
are history... stat.

Now we'’ve got to get
Sabrina a new passport... stat.

And hope that Katrina hasn'’t
caused too much damage... stat.

I just like saying "stat."

Good night, Josh.

"Sabrina spellman." Perfect.

This should get to the
other realm in no time.

You'’re a real wiz on
the computer, Salem.

Thanks to my new
counterfeiting software.

By the way, here'’s
the money I owe you.

I can'’t believe you
stole my boyfriend.

Well, "all'’s fair
in love and war."

Actually, nothing'’s
fair in love and war.

They should change that.

You knew that I had this
special evening planned.

What you did was
just... Plain evil!

Well, then my work is
done... for tonight, anyway.

Sabrina, you going
out with Josh was...

[ Magical ping]

Hello, Katrina.

Sabrina, how did you get out?

A little luck and
a good fastball.

Now hand over my passport.

Never.

Wait a minute. I
have my magic back.

Drat.

It gets even worse.

I spoke to your parole board

and you'’re going to
be pining for the days

you swept up gum wrappers.

You'’re in the big
house for the long haul.

You are so evil.

I learn from the best.

Bye-bye.

[ Magical ping]

Well, well, well.

Look what the cat dragged in.

It'’s horrible to see you, too.

Did you gain a little weight?

Did your legs get skinnier?

Is that a whisker
coming out of your chin?

Is that a chin coming
out of your other chin?

Lord, I missed you, girl.

I missed you, too.

It'’s tempting to leave
her this way but...

[ Magical ping]

truly, truly evil.

When did you change?

Oh, just now.

I'’m no longer evil.

Anyway, I-If I thought
for one second

that you were interested in Josh

I never would'’ve
gone after him.

Actually, I would
have, but just slower.

Wait a minute.

So you'’re saying I
went out with Josh?

Don'’t play innocent with me.

I saw you kissing
him on the porch.

I kissed him?

Oh, oh, you thought
that was a kiss?!

Oh, no.

We were just, you
know, rehearsing...

For a play called...

I'’m the worst
liar in the world.

Look, Morgan, i'’m really sorry.

Okay, I had no idea
what I was doing.

Please forgive me?

All right.

I'’ll forgive you
for the Josh thing

but what you said
about my outfit...

That is going to take some time.

Okay, one problem solved.

Next?

"Dear diary, i'’m really happy

to be out of my aunt'’s
house and living on my own."

You'’re reading my diary?

I'’m trying to, but it'’s
hard to stay awake.

You have an
exceptionally dull life.

Let me guess:

I read your diary so
you'’re reading mine

and you'’re trying
to even the score.

Unless this gets a lot better

we'’re nowhere near even.

It doesn'’t. Trust me.

Nothing out of the ordinary
ever happens to me.

Look, roxie, i'’m really sorry.

I never should'’ve
invaded your privacy.

All I can say is

if you ever mention
September 15th to anybody

you'’re dead.

It'’s as if I never read it.

Miles, um, I Don'’t
know what I did to you

but i'’m sorry.

"Sorry" doesn'’t cut it.

When you unplugged my equipment

I missed the best part
of the meteor shower.

There won'’t be another
one like it for 129 years.

Oh, I Don'’t know
about that, you know.

Sometimes those people

are a little off with
their calculations.

[ Magical ping]

Look!

I can'’t believe it!

I-I got to get back up
on the roof and film this!

We'’re back.

Hey, Josh, I just want
to apologize for last night.

For what?

I'’m afraid I was sending
you mixed messages.

I think the message
was clear to both of us.

Yeah, I think so, too.

So what was the message you got?

I Don'’t know.

The date, the
kiss, everything...

It just didn'’t feel right.

I mean, it wasn'’t
just me, was it?

No, it wasn'’t just you and...

Definitely wasn'’t me.

I think your first instinct
was right on the money.

We should just be friends.

Yeah. Friends are good.

You know, can'’t have too
many friends, so... friends.

Just what I need,
another friend.

Mother'’s maiden name?

Becker.

Favorite dessert

that doesn'’t involve chocolate?

There isn'’t one. How
long will this go on?

Until we make absolutely sure

that you are the real Sabrina.

Say "woo-hoo."

Woo-hoo!

Impostor! J'’accuse!

Back off, furball

or i'’ll tell aunt Zelda
that I caught you

in her lingerie drawer
trying on her Lacy red...

It'’s Sabrina!