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1
00:00:01,965 --> 00:00:03,619
You pays your money,
you takes your chances.
2
00:00:03,620 --> 00:00:04,689
Bite me.
3
00:00:04,758 --> 00:00:06,310
You'’ve been lucky all night.
4
00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:08,931
That'’s lucky over there
with the poker face.
5
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,068
What do you got?
6
00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,517
Just deal.
7
00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:14,862
[ Mutters]: Uh-huh.
8
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,448
I'’ll call.
9
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,517
Pair of eights.
10
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,827
Three of a kind.
11
00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:20,689
Come to papa.
12
00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:22,758
[ Chuckling]
13
00:00:22,827 --> 00:00:24,206
How did he do it?
14
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,241
It'’s like he'’s got
radar or something.
15
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:28,827
Rusty, there'’s a
coaster right there.
16
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,517
Is it so hard to
put your beer on it?
17
00:00:30,586 --> 00:00:31,379
Sorry.
18
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,931
God, it stinks in here.
19
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,655
Don'’t you guys know how
bad smoking is for you?
20
00:00:41,137 --> 00:00:42,551
Okay, that does it.
21
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:45,172
From now on, we
play at Lassie'’s house.
22
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:05,862
Pick me! Pick me!
23
00:01:08,517 --> 00:01:10,034
Thanks for listening.
24
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,000
I know the results
of my "sassy" quiz
25
00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:13,586
can'’t be all that interesting.
26
00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:14,931
Sure they are.
27
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,034
Now, how did you
score on "sassitude?"
28
00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:20,068
Did you ever get the feeling
you'’re missing something?
29
00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,689
What'’s going on?
Libby just pulled up
30
00:01:21,758 --> 00:01:22,931
in her new car.
31
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,655
Libby has wheelage?
32
00:01:24,724 --> 00:01:25,758
Well, it'’s nice to know
33
00:01:25,827 --> 00:01:27,724
that good things
happen to horrible people.
34
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,068
I know everyone
35
00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:31,206
is going to want to ride
36
00:01:31,275 --> 00:01:34,137
so I should warn you,
the selection process
37
00:01:34,206 --> 00:01:37,034
will be darwinian:
Survival of the cutest.
38
00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:39,517
Can you believe the way
everyone'’s worshipping her?
39
00:01:39,586 --> 00:01:40,827
Let'’s just ignore her.
40
00:01:40,896 --> 00:01:42,758
Okay, so, um, why do you think
41
00:01:42,827 --> 00:01:44,793
you scored so low on that quiz?
42
00:01:44,862 --> 00:01:46,000
I got to tell you...
43
00:01:46,068 --> 00:01:48,103
I think you are the kind of girl
44
00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:50,241
that other girls respect.
45
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,655
Thanks.
46
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:53,758
You really want to look
at the car, Don'’t you?
47
00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:54,586
Do you mind?
48
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,068
It'’s your DNA talking.
49
00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,137
I understand.
50
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:06,068
Hello, roast beef?
This is Katmandu.
51
00:02:06,137 --> 00:02:08,172
Give me ten cans of
tuna on the seahawks
52
00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:10,620
and i'’ll call you before
post time at pimlico.
53
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,310
Later.
54
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:13,793
Salem, I thought I told you
55
00:02:13,862 --> 00:02:15,931
gambling is illegal
in my living room.
56
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,586
I'’m on a roll, slim.
57
00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:19,655
This is my shot
at some real action
58
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:22,655
not just fleecing the
neighborhood cats in boggle.
59
00:02:22,724 --> 00:02:25,275
What, bingo at our
lady of perpetual sorrow?
60
00:02:25,344 --> 00:02:27,758
Try the hippest poker
game in the other realm
61
00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:30,655
hosted by none other than
diamond Dave larouche.
62
00:02:30,724 --> 00:02:31,655
Thediamond Dave?
63
00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:32,931
Born to misbehave.
64
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,413
The wiliest gambler
west of the crack in time?
65
00:02:35,482 --> 00:02:36,241
He da man.
66
00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:37,241
Absolutely not.
67
00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:38,551
Oh, yeah... huh?
68
00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:40,310
Salem, you know I
despise gambling.
69
00:02:40,379 --> 00:02:41,896
It'’s throwing away good money.
70
00:02:41,965 --> 00:02:44,137
Besides, no one wins
against diamond Dave.
71
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,206
But i'’m red-hot.
72
00:02:45,241 --> 00:02:47,827
Not even double "d"
can stop this streak.
73
00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:49,068
Please!
74
00:02:49,137 --> 00:02:50,206
The subject is closed.
75
00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:52,931
Besides, you can'’t get to
the other realm on your own
76
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,758
so you might as
well forget about it.
77
00:02:54,827 --> 00:02:56,655
Buy you something pretty?
78
00:02:56,724 --> 00:02:58,758
People are acting like
79
00:02:58,827 --> 00:03:01,137
Libby'’s dad bought
her the space shuttle.
80
00:03:01,206 --> 00:03:02,310
It'’s just a car.
81
00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:04,551
A convertible with a
cd player in the trunk
82
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,724
and all the controls are
on the steering wheel.
83
00:03:06,793 --> 00:03:07,724
You'’re not helping.
84
00:03:07,793 --> 00:03:08,793
You guys hear about
85
00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:10,620
the class trip to
the celtics game?
86
00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:11,793
Let me guess:
87
00:03:11,862 --> 00:03:13,620
You'’re dad bought
you the celtics, too?
88
00:03:13,689 --> 00:03:16,000
Nice try, freaka,
warrior Princess.
89
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,034
I was just wondering
90
00:03:18,103 --> 00:03:19,482
if Harvey needed a ride.
91
00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:21,931
Don'’t you have to take
the bus to those things?
92
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,758
Not if you have a car.
93
00:03:23,827 --> 00:03:25,724
The school bus
is going to look like
94
00:03:25,793 --> 00:03:27,310
a magnet school for losers.
95
00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:29,758
That'’s why we were going
to take Harvey'’s car, right?
96
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:32,344
Right, except
it'’s up on blocks.
97
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,172
For how long?
98
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:36,586
You can count on
it for graduation.
99
00:03:36,655 --> 00:03:37,815
Well, i'’ll be saving shotgun
100
00:03:37,862 --> 00:03:39,896
for you, Harvey
101
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,758
and Claude the bus driver
will be saving shotgun for you.
102
00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:46,206
We have got to get a car.
103
00:03:46,275 --> 00:03:47,413
Do you realize
104
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:50,310
what this stamped and
sealed envelope represents?
105
00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:53,689
Yet another unrequited love
letter to Robert downey, Jr.?
106
00:03:53,758 --> 00:03:55,034
You are incorrect.
107
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:59,379
This is the final mortgage
payment on our house.
108
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,517
You'’re kidding!
109
00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:02,172
It'’s really ours now?
110
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:04,793
Yep. Electrical work
that'’s not up to code and all.
111
00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:05,896
Whoo-hoo!
112
00:04:05,965 --> 00:04:07,551
[ Both whooping]
113
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:08,724
Let me guess:
114
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,620
It'’s double coupon
day at the market?
115
00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:12,862
Honey, we paid off the house.
116
00:04:12,931 --> 00:04:14,551
It'’s really ours now.
117
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,724
Whoo-hoo.
118
00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:17,206
Wait a minute. That'’s great!
119
00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:19,586
Now that you have some
free cash lying around
120
00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,275
you can take on
some car payments
121
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,551
for your favorite niece.
122
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:25,068
Not going to happen.
123
00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:27,689
But... come on. Don'’t quit!
124
00:04:27,758 --> 00:04:29,689
We'’re jumping,
it'’s a great day.
125
00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:31,724
Sabrina, we'’ve been
over this a hundred times.
126
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,655
You'’re not responsible
enough for a car yet.
127
00:04:33,724 --> 00:04:34,764
Well, the least you can do
128
00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:35,827
is let me borrow your car
129
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,034
for the Tuesday field trip.
130
00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:38,827
Oh, we can'’t. A
group of scientists
131
00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:40,931
are going to line our
cars up and floor them
132
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,275
to see if we can reverse
the earth'’s rotation.
133
00:04:43,344 --> 00:04:45,000
It'’s just an excuse
to meet people
134
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:46,206
but I made a commitment.
135
00:04:49,068 --> 00:04:51,206
I'’d trade all my magical powers
136
00:04:51,275 --> 00:04:53,724
for an '’83 le baron
with low mileage.
137
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,344
Sabrina, most kids in
high school Don'’t have cars
138
00:04:56,413 --> 00:04:58,275
and they do just fine.
139
00:04:58,344 --> 00:05:01,000
The bus will be fun.
140
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,172
Fine.
141
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,206
But bear in mind
142
00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:05,655
that a car is less expensive
143
00:05:05,724 --> 00:05:07,413
than a lifetime
of psychotherapy.
144
00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:12,241
You didn'’t see me.
145
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,103
Well, you'’re kind
of hard to miss
146
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:15,793
in your Sunday-
go-to-meeting suit.
147
00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:17,931
Don'’t tell the brain
trust downstairs
148
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,000
but i'’ve been
invited to play poker
149
00:05:20,068 --> 00:05:22,137
at diamond Dave'’s
high-roller suite.
150
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,448
And that'’s a good thing?
151
00:05:23,517 --> 00:05:24,931
Are you kidding?
152
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,310
This is my chance to pocket
some serious semolians, greenbacks
153
00:05:29,379 --> 00:05:32,275
dinero, moolah, shekels
scratch, wampum...
154
00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:33,758
And those are...?
155
00:05:33,827 --> 00:05:35,448
Money, baby.
156
00:05:35,517 --> 00:05:37,413
Oh... oh!
157
00:05:37,482 --> 00:05:39,034
Hey, could you buy me a car?
158
00:05:39,103 --> 00:05:40,206
Page me next week.
159
00:05:40,275 --> 00:05:42,931
Right now I need every
penny to play the legend.
160
00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:48,620
Mr. Saberhagen?
161
00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:50,206
Homina, homina, homina.
162
00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:54,862
Welcome to what we at
diamond Dave'’s call "vip plus."
163
00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:55,689
Finally!
164
00:05:55,758 --> 00:05:57,896
I'’m going to get comped!
165
00:05:57,965 --> 00:06:00,068
Good luck, and buy me a
car when you come back.
166
00:06:00,137 --> 00:06:01,344
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
167
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:03,310
Do you gals make
your own costumes?
168
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,344
I bet shehas a car.
169
00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:14,655
I guess i'’ll just have to
conjure up a car myself.
170
00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:16,103
Okay, let'’s see.
171
00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,344
"Essence of tire burn...
172
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:22,034
"Myrrh...
173
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:26,551
And stp, the racer'’s edge."
174
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:30,793
Yes!
175
00:06:30,862 --> 00:06:34,000
Ah, let'’s see how popular
Libby is when i'’m mobile.
176
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,931
No!
177
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,275
I told you it was a
good idea to activate
178
00:06:39,344 --> 00:06:41,379
that "uninsured
teen driver" block.
179
00:06:41,448 --> 00:06:42,827
Sabrina, it'’s just a bus.
180
00:06:42,896 --> 00:06:45,310
Well, can'’t I tap
into my college fund?
181
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:51,862
Four of a kind.
182
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:54,241
Well, what do you know?
183
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,827
A royal flush.
184
00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:57,793
Gee, that sounds better.
185
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:58,862
It is.
186
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,862
That'’s the fifth straight
hand you'’ve won.
187
00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:03,172
That'’s why they call
him "diamond" Dave.
188
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:05,448
Not "Amber" Dave.
189
00:07:05,517 --> 00:07:07,034
Not "aquamarine" Dave.
190
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:08,448
Diamonddave.
191
00:07:08,517 --> 00:07:09,862
That'’s why I can afford to have
192
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,620
a Butler who sits on his butt
when my fanta needs refreshing.
193
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:13,965
Right, boss.
194
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,275
Are you sure you
Don'’t want a break?
195
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:17,379
Are you nuts?
196
00:07:17,448 --> 00:07:19,103
Now i'’ve got you
right where I want you.
197
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,206
Okay.
198
00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:30,586
The game is high-low,
crisscross, Mexican stud-poker.
199
00:07:30,655 --> 00:07:32,068
Deuces and bugs are wild.
200
00:07:32,137 --> 00:07:34,862
Did you catch any of that?
201
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:36,344
[ Groans]
202
00:07:37,862 --> 00:07:40,206
Number three was the
lightest pencil I could find.
203
00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:41,689
Maybe if I Don'’t press too hard
204
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:42,758
people won'’t notice.
205
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:44,448
Libby: The trip is
next week, people
206
00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:46,068
so it'’s crunch time
for those of you
207
00:07:46,137 --> 00:07:47,517
who haven'’t
purchased gifts yet.
208
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,034
Have you made up
your mind, Harvey?
209
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,000
Thanks, Libby, but I...
210
00:07:53,068 --> 00:07:55,413
Really had my
heart set on the bus.
211
00:07:55,482 --> 00:07:56,689
Suit yourself.
212
00:07:56,758 --> 00:08:00,413
I'’ll try not to gun it as I
pass you on the thruway.
213
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:05,034
Thanks, Harvey. That
was really nice of you.
214
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:06,310
Hey, if we'’re on the bus
215
00:08:06,379 --> 00:08:09,068
then the bus is the cool
way to go to the field trip.
216
00:08:09,137 --> 00:08:12,241
You know it doesn'’t
work that way, but thanks.
217
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:17,896
B-B-But I t-thought a
face card beats an eight.
218
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,689
But Salem, eights are wild.
219
00:08:20,758 --> 00:08:21,965
[ Sobbing]
220
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,172
Five-card draw. Ante up.
221
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,206
Last chip, last chance.
222
00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:36,793
Oh, yeah! You are not
going to believe this hand!
223
00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:39,241
Just bend over
and kiss my furry...
224
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,517
[ Clears throat]
225
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,000
I believe it'’s your turn.
226
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:44,172
And I believe i'’m
going to raise you.
227
00:08:44,241 --> 00:08:46,172
Unbelievable!
228
00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:48,344
I finally get a winner
and I can'’t raise.
229
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:51,344
I'’ve given you everything I
own: My traveler'’s checks
230
00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:54,034
my x-mennumber one
in near-mint condition
231
00:08:54,103 --> 00:08:55,827
my beanie babies...
232
00:08:55,896 --> 00:08:57,379
[ Sobbing]: I'’m tapped out.
233
00:08:57,448 --> 00:08:59,931
I'’d, uh, really like to
work with you here.
234
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,482
Do you own any property?
235
00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:04,068
This brown would be good...
236
00:09:04,137 --> 00:09:07,655
Or... maybe this beige one.
237
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:10,482
I like the beige one.
238
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:11,965
It brings out your immaturity.
239
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,103
Immature?
240
00:09:13,172 --> 00:09:15,413
My life is over, people!
241
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:22,103
Where'’s your medallion, Salem?
242
00:09:22,172 --> 00:09:24,275
Diamond Dave said
he could melt it down
243
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:26,379
and sell the gold to a dentist.
244
00:09:26,448 --> 00:09:28,551
Tell me you didn'’t play him.
245
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:31,172
Kinda, sorta... And I
got into a little trouble.
246
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,241
I kind of bet something
247
00:09:32,275 --> 00:09:33,827
that wasn'’t mine to bet.
248
00:09:33,896 --> 00:09:35,275
More like...
249
00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,827
Well, actually, it was
yours. Kind of a big thing...
250
00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:40,586
Please tell me you
didn'’t bet the house.
251
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,241
How do I say this?
252
00:09:42,310 --> 00:09:44,241
Oh, boy, i'’m feeling woozy.
253
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:45,344
Okay.
254
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:46,448
Did you bet this house?
255
00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:47,724
Well...
256
00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:48,896
No.
257
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:51,172
Actually, I bet...
258
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:54,758
You.
259
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,103
They seemed to
take that pretty well.
260
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,931
Did you guys paint the piano?
261
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,965
Ah, ladies, welcome
to the gaming floor.
262
00:10:08,034 --> 00:10:09,827
Diamond Dave.
263
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:10,896
You mean Salem bet us?
264
00:10:10,931 --> 00:10:12,068
And lost?
265
00:10:12,137 --> 00:10:13,206
This is absurd.
266
00:10:13,275 --> 00:10:15,413
Come on. Let'’s get out of here.
267
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,827
Mm-hmm.
268
00:10:16,896 --> 00:10:18,310
Your magic is no good here
269
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:19,862
and neither is your credit.
270
00:10:19,931 --> 00:10:21,137
I won you fair and square
271
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:22,482
in a game of Texas hold '’em.
272
00:10:22,551 --> 00:10:24,517
A game sanctioned by
the other realm bureau
273
00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:25,620
of gaming and fishing.
274
00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:26,896
For the next twenty years
275
00:10:26,965 --> 00:10:28,655
you'’ll be doing
menial jobs for me.
276
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:29,793
And diamond Dave
277
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,448
likes things done
the mortal way.
278
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:33,689
You
279
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,758
will be my new cook...
280
00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,862
That cat is going
straight to the pound.
281
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:45,655
And you are my new...
282
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:47,896
Maid!
283
00:10:47,965 --> 00:10:50,620
That cat is going
straight to a violin factory.
284
00:10:50,689 --> 00:10:52,137
And you
285
00:10:52,206 --> 00:10:54,379
you will be my new
personal assistant.
286
00:10:54,448 --> 00:10:56,931
Wait! You can'’t keep us here.
287
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,206
I have a life and
a boyfriend and...
288
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:02,310
Did I happen to mention the
job includes driving my Porsche?
289
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:03,379
Whoo-hoo!
290
00:11:04,379 --> 00:11:05,931
Hilda: No fair.
291
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,793
She got a cute uniform.
292
00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:09,862
It'’s my business to be popular.
293
00:11:09,931 --> 00:11:11,896
You ladies are now
part of that formula
294
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:14,379
and I like my ladies
upbeat and zesty.
295
00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:15,586
We are cleaning
296
00:11:15,655 --> 00:11:16,931
and we are smiling.
297
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,482
I'’d like to start
with a light meal:
298
00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:20,034
Burnt bacon, peanut butter
299
00:11:20,103 --> 00:11:22,103
four bananas
hand-mashed in a bowl.
300
00:11:22,172 --> 00:11:24,724
Would you like a spoon
or a straw with that?
301
00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:27,448
In the grotto,
and today, cookie!
302
00:11:29,344 --> 00:11:31,896
Everybody heard that. I
get to drive a Porsche, right?
303
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,413
He called me "cookie."
304
00:11:33,482 --> 00:11:34,862
We'’ve got to find a way out
305
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:36,965
and, of course, Salem will help.
306
00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:38,793
♪
307
00:11:41,862 --> 00:11:44,862
That was so much fun!
308
00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:46,310
[ Sighing]
309
00:11:46,379 --> 00:11:48,275
Not bad for my first
time driving stick, huh?
310
00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:50,931
I'’ll be recovering in the
grotto until the guests arrive
311
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,000
and what do we say,
hilda, when I come home?
312
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:54,896
[ Cockney accent]:
Evenin'’, guv'’nah.
313
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,172
Needs work.
314
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:58,655
Diamond Dave wasn'’t kidding
when he said he was popular.
315
00:11:58,724 --> 00:12:00,344
It'’s like driving
around with the pope.
316
00:12:00,413 --> 00:12:03,172
People fawning all over
you is very overrated.
317
00:12:03,241 --> 00:12:05,517
I Don'’t need that
kind of attention
318
00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:07,827
as I pointed out on my website.
319
00:12:07,896 --> 00:12:09,310
He reminds me of Libby.
320
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:10,482
I'’m starting to think
321
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:12,482
money is the root
of all popularity.
322
00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:13,689
Don'’t forget fear.
323
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:15,344
Well, Libby has that, too.
324
00:12:15,413 --> 00:12:17,793
Sabrina, money is just
a shortcut to popularity
325
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,275
and shortcuts never work.
326
00:12:19,344 --> 00:12:22,068
Well, they do for diamond Dave.
327
00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:23,448
You look awful.
328
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:24,689
What'’s the matter?
329
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,448
Oh, something
to do with chitlins.
330
00:12:26,517 --> 00:12:29,517
Look, I have a plan
to get us out of here.
331
00:12:29,586 --> 00:12:30,724
I want each of you to get me
332
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,310
two of the
ingredients on this list.
333
00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:34,137
But we can'’t use magic.
334
00:12:34,206 --> 00:12:35,620
Our fingers may have crapped out
335
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,448
but we can still make
a sleeping potion
336
00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:40,241
and i'’ll mix it into diamond
Dave'’s next culinary atrocity.
337
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:42,000
If it works, we can
make a break for it
338
00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:43,517
while he and c.K.
Are zonked out.
339
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:44,586
I am so in.
340
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,448
Did I mention i'’m
driving a Porsche?
341
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,586
Okay, i'’m in, too.
342
00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:51,586
[ Cheering, chuckling]
343
00:13:22,862 --> 00:13:25,551
Toss in a little more
of that comb cleaner.
344
00:13:29,068 --> 00:13:31,620
One sip of this and
he'’ll be out for a week.
345
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:33,517
And I haven'’t even
added the nose hairs yet.
346
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:35,344
[ Cackling]
347
00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:36,517
Shh.
348
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:38,103
It'’s only natural
to get carried away
349
00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:39,655
when we'’re gathered
over a cauldron
350
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:42,413
but remember: This
potion is our last resort
351
00:13:42,482 --> 00:13:45,241
and i'’m still hoping
Salem will save us.
352
00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,620
Whoo, doggie!
353
00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:49,689
Yee-ha!
354
00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:51,310
[ Moaning]
355
00:13:51,379 --> 00:13:54,068
Okay, i'’ve had my fun.
356
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:56,137
Now i'’ve got a family to save.
357
00:13:56,206 --> 00:13:57,310
[ Doorbell rings]
358
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,862
Ooh, my wontons!
359
00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:03,482
I have to say, you gals
are doing a stellar job.
360
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,172
C.k., if I were you, I would
definitely be hearing footsteps.
361
00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:07,896
That'’s a good one, double "d."
362
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,206
[ Strained laugh]
363
00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:11,000
Okay, who'’s ready for
364
00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:14,793
some tongue,
mini-marshmallow and yam soup?
365
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:16,241
Just like mama used to make.
366
00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,000
Zelda, the grub
has been magnifico
367
00:14:18,068 --> 00:14:20,655
but, you know, i'’ve been
thinking about making hilda
368
00:14:20,724 --> 00:14:22,551
my official food taster.
369
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:23,827
What?!
370
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:24,896
And deprive you?
371
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,862
I'’ve been so hot at
the tables recently
372
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:29,724
you never know who might
be messing with my lucky meals
373
00:14:29,793 --> 00:14:32,689
and we might as well start
with a steaming bowl of tongue.
374
00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,103
But c.K. Has seniority.
375
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:35,551
Yeah, he should have the honor.
376
00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:37,689
I give him a gift every
day I Don'’t can him.
377
00:14:37,758 --> 00:14:40,379
I think i'’m starting to see
a pattern in your humor.
378
00:14:40,448 --> 00:14:43,034
Here. You'’ve earned it.
379
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:48,103
Go ahead unless there'’s
something wrong with it.
380
00:14:48,172 --> 00:14:49,103
[ Laughs]
381
00:14:49,172 --> 00:14:50,103
[ All laughing]
382
00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:51,206
Oh, you know what?
383
00:14:51,275 --> 00:14:53,586
It'’s chunky style...
That'’s my favorite.
384
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,517
I find that highly suspicious.
385
00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:02,103
She'’s tired.
386
00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:03,586
She'’s been working really hard.
387
00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:04,862
Yeah.
388
00:15:04,931 --> 00:15:07,172
Don'’t let us
interrupt your dinner.
389
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,448
You witches dosed my dinner.
390
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:10,517
Does this mean
391
00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:12,172
I get to cook for you again?
392
00:15:12,241 --> 00:15:13,689
Nice try, ladies.
393
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:16,758
I hope you enjoy your new
job Manning the septic tank.
394
00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:20,724
I still get to drive
the Porsche, right?
395
00:15:20,793 --> 00:15:21,965
[ Snoring]
396
00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:23,310
[ Startled cry]
397
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:24,482
What?
398
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:27,862
Oh, man. I dreamt
I was out of food.
399
00:15:27,931 --> 00:15:31,103
Whoo! Check out
all the dead soldiers.
400
00:15:31,172 --> 00:15:32,482
Wait a minute!
401
00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:34,172
I amout of food.
402
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:36,655
Now i'’ve reallygot
to save them!
403
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,068
Oh, easy on the
bunion, Princess.
404
00:15:41,137 --> 00:15:43,137
And when you'’re done,
use the clear nail Polish
405
00:15:43,206 --> 00:15:45,000
not that frosty stuff
you used last time.
406
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:47,896
It'’s called "lady meringue."
407
00:15:47,965 --> 00:15:49,586
Can I get you anything?
408
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,000
A friend to watch my back?
409
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:53,241
Double "d," I said I was
sorry about the food thing.
410
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,172
You mean the
attempt to poison me?
411
00:15:55,241 --> 00:15:57,448
Why would I hurt you?
You'’re my oldest friend.
412
00:15:57,517 --> 00:15:58,551
He'’s your oldest friend?
413
00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,758
We went to school together.
414
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:00,931
I gave him a kidney.
415
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,137
He gave you a kidney?
416
00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:04,379
What did I say when we
signed the release forms?
417
00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:06,206
No guilt trips. Come on, Dave.
418
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:07,068
You'’re fired.
419
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:08,413
But, Dave... You heard me.
420
00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:11,034
Now, mush. If that'’s
the way you want it.
421
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,275
But just remember this:
422
00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:14,620
The only reason you
aren'’t alone in this house
423
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:16,862
is because you'’re good
with a deck of cards.
424
00:16:16,931 --> 00:16:19,137
As a human being,
you'’re strictly an amateur.
425
00:16:19,206 --> 00:16:20,965
Yeah, well, that
kidney you gave me
426
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,379
isn'’t exactly a Cadillac.
427
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:24,793
How could you do that to c.K.?
428
00:16:24,862 --> 00:16:25,896
He may be a kiss-up
429
00:16:25,965 --> 00:16:28,137
with no personality,
but he'’s your friend.
430
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:31,310
Sabrina, as long as I have
money, i'’ll have friends.
431
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:33,206
But they aren'’t realfriends.
432
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,862
And you'’re not really a Butler
433
00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:37,206
but you'’ll be doing
c.K.'’s job from now on.
434
00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:38,482
[ Doorbell rings]
435
00:16:38,551 --> 00:16:40,551
You can start by
answering the doorbell.
436
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:46,482
Diamond Dave?
437
00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:50,413
Allow me to
introduce Mr. Catchow
438
00:16:50,482 --> 00:16:52,655
an incredibly irresponsible
Asian gambler.
439
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:55,275
Me crazy for pai gow.
440
00:17:00,655 --> 00:17:01,827
What was that?
441
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:02,896
Oh, look!
442
00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:04,137
A putty tat.
443
00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:06,896
The potion still
hasn'’t worn off.
444
00:17:06,965 --> 00:17:08,689
I'’m here to save you.
445
00:17:08,758 --> 00:17:11,275
What exactly was your plan?
446
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:13,655
Um... this was pretty much it.
447
00:17:13,724 --> 00:17:16,827
I figured once I was
inside, i'’d get inspired.
448
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:18,448
Perfect.
449
00:17:18,517 --> 00:17:19,551
Now, you'’re all mine
450
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,551
and I got myself
a new shoe-buffer.
451
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,034
[ Sobbing]
452
00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:25,103
Excuse me. I'’m sorry.
This is hugely unfair.
453
00:17:25,172 --> 00:17:27,068
We can'’t be held
responsible for anything
454
00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:29,517
a professional gambler wins
from a common house pet.
455
00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:32,206
A house pet who is
rated by Caesar'’s palace.
456
00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:33,793
How about a game,
just you and me?
457
00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:34,793
If I win
458
00:17:34,862 --> 00:17:36,172
we all get to go home.
459
00:17:36,241 --> 00:17:37,793
And if you lose?
460
00:17:37,862 --> 00:17:39,344
We'’ll stay for a hundred years
461
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:40,551
and clean your garage.
462
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,103
Sabrina, no. We'’re witches.
463
00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:44,620
Twenty years is a
drop in the bucket to us.
464
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,137
It may take hilda that
long to straighten up.
465
00:17:47,206 --> 00:17:49,379
You look so familiar to me.
466
00:17:49,448 --> 00:17:52,172
Sit like a lady, dear.
467
00:17:52,241 --> 00:17:55,655
Sabrina, i'’ll see your
bet and raise you.
468
00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:59,620
If I win, you all stay
here with me... forever.
469
00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:01,344
Done.
470
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,413
Poker?
471
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,655
No. Mygame.
472
00:18:04,724 --> 00:18:06,344
Chutes and ladders?!
473
00:18:06,413 --> 00:18:09,068
My game, my rules.
474
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,896
Only if I get to be "butch."
475
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,586
Done.
476
00:18:12,655 --> 00:18:15,275
Four, five, six.
477
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,000
One, two... shoot!
478
00:18:17,068 --> 00:18:18,379
A chute.
479
00:18:18,448 --> 00:18:20,482
I haven'’t lost this
game since kindergarten.
480
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:21,793
I ain'’t going to start now.
481
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,793
We did say two
out of three, right?
482
00:18:27,862 --> 00:18:29,896
I am so close to
the winner'’s circle
483
00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:31,517
I can smell the champagne.
484
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:33,482
Sabrina, that has
to be your last chute.
485
00:18:33,551 --> 00:18:34,827
It'’s not like i'’m doing this
486
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,034
on purpose, aunt Zelda.
487
00:18:36,103 --> 00:18:38,482
Yes!
488
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,103
Six sweet steps to victory.
489
00:18:40,172 --> 00:18:42,517
Oh, the glory of it all.
490
00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:45,448
I can'’t believe it.
This is my game!
491
00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:46,793
Not anymore, kid.
492
00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:49,379
It'’s all right, Sabrina.
You played great
493
00:18:49,448 --> 00:18:51,482
and it'’s not like
forever lasts...
494
00:18:51,551 --> 00:18:53,482
Oh, dear, lord. Forever!
495
00:18:53,551 --> 00:18:54,931
Hilda: Is the room spinning
496
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,172
or is it me?
497
00:18:57,241 --> 00:18:58,931
She'’s having a
reaction to the potion.
498
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,965
Hey, St. vitus
dance, take it outside.
499
00:19:02,034 --> 00:19:05,379
You know what... Big shot?
500
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:08,517
I spit in your grotto.
501
00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:11,137
I think we need to put
some coffee on for aunt tipsy.
502
00:19:11,206 --> 00:19:13,241
You know what? I never liked you
503
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:16,206
and your cleft really bugs me.
504
00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:17,448
Oh!
505
00:19:17,517 --> 00:19:18,965
Oh, dear. This is bad.
506
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,241
This is very bad.
507
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,965
I am so sorry, diamond...
508
00:19:22,034 --> 00:19:24,551
Is it me, or is diamond
Dave slumped over the table
509
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:26,310
breathing yet
clearly unconscious?
510
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:27,965
That'’s a pretty
fair assessment.
511
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,275
Hey!
512
00:19:29,344 --> 00:19:33,310
Look! He had extra dice up
his sleeve, and it'’s all sixes.
513
00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:34,965
No wonder he always won.
514
00:19:35,034 --> 00:19:36,758
Let'’s get out of here.
515
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,896
Salem: He must have
cheated with me, too.
516
00:19:38,965 --> 00:19:40,068
I was robbed!
517
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,310
I should at least get
518
00:19:41,379 --> 00:19:43,793
the Leroy neiman
painting as compensation!
519
00:19:43,862 --> 00:19:46,344
Ow! My head.
520
00:19:46,413 --> 00:19:48,724
I said I was super sorry.
521
00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:51,689
If I say it again, will you
save my racing forms?
522
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:52,931
No.
523
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,172
You'’re not even allowed
to watch wheel of fortune.
524
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,310
[ Sobbing]
525
00:19:56,379 --> 00:19:57,310
Morning. I'’m late.
526
00:19:57,379 --> 00:19:59,379
I promise to eat the
unbruised parts on the bus.
527
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,517
Are you going to be okay
528
00:20:00,586 --> 00:20:02,344
about taking the
bus to the field trip?
529
00:20:02,413 --> 00:20:03,965
Yeah, i'’ll be fine.
530
00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:06,103
You know, after a
week at diamond Dave'’s
531
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,965
I can honestly say that I
do not want to be like Libby.
532
00:20:10,413 --> 00:20:11,896
It'’s not money that
makes you happy.
533
00:20:11,965 --> 00:20:14,344
It'’s friends like Harvey who
ride the loser bus with you.
534
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,517
Oh, we'’re so glad you see that.
535
00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:17,620
Aren'’t we, hilda?
536
00:20:17,689 --> 00:20:19,620
Ow!
537
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,620
One more thing before you go.
538
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:22,931
You'’re killing me here.
539
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,758
Oh, I think you'’ll
make it on time.
540
00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:26,758
We decided you
deserved a little reward
541
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:28,379
for having such a good attitude
542
00:20:28,448 --> 00:20:29,931
but just for today.
543
00:20:35,482 --> 00:20:37,620
Sabrina, what are you, a
secret agent or something?
544
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:38,689
Hop in.
545
00:20:38,724 --> 00:20:41,586
Hey, check out Sabrina'’s ride.
546
00:20:41,655 --> 00:20:43,689
Where did you get that?
547
00:20:43,758 --> 00:20:46,103
Oh, my aunt'’s wagon
broke down. This is a loaner.
548
00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:48,000
I'’d offer rides, but
it'’s a two-seater.
549
00:20:49,827 --> 00:20:51,689
Hey, where are you going?
550
00:20:51,758 --> 00:20:52,965
I think the bus is coming.
551
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,689
If i'’m not going to
ride in a Porsche
552
00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:55,758
what'’s the difference?
553
00:20:55,793 --> 00:20:57,482
But I have an opening...
554
00:20:57,551 --> 00:21:00,413
Next to an airbag.
555
00:21:00,482 --> 00:21:01,965
Come back!
556
00:21:02,034 --> 00:21:04,655
We'’ll try not to gun it when
we pass you on the thruway.
557
00:21:10,517 --> 00:21:11,517
Any threes?
558
00:21:11,586 --> 00:21:13,034
Go fish.
559
00:21:13,103 --> 00:21:14,931
Any fives?
560
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,931
Yes. I had my heart set
561
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,344
on that new can of tennis balls.
562
00:21:17,413 --> 00:21:19,103
Eh, read '’em and weep.
563
00:21:19,172 --> 00:21:20,689
Pay the lady.
564
00:21:20,758 --> 00:21:21,896
My wife'’s gonna kill me.
565
00:21:21,965 --> 00:21:22,965
I won fair and square,
566
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,344
and i'’m taking my winnings...
567
00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:28,689
And buying you
all rawhide treats.
568
00:21:28,758 --> 00:21:30,344
God bless this woman.
569
00:21:30,413 --> 00:21:32,241
[ Barks]
570
00:21:32,310 --> 00:21:34,137
Okay, okay. Settle down.
39693
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