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1
00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:02,965
No, really. I did.
2
00:00:03,034 --> 00:00:05,034
You'’re just making excuses
3
00:00:05,103 --> 00:00:06,793
because you missed an easy shot.
4
00:00:06,862 --> 00:00:09,517
I chosenot to hit the golf
ball in the giant clown'’s mouth
5
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:11,827
because I didn'’t want
to cause internal injuries.
6
00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:14,413
I had a great time
tonight, Sabrina.
7
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,724
Me, too.
8
00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:19,137
Harvey, you'’re doing it again.
9
00:00:19,206 --> 00:00:20,275
Sorry.
10
00:00:20,344 --> 00:00:22,206
I was just wondering
where you'’re at with
11
00:00:22,275 --> 00:00:24,965
the me-or-dashiell-my-short-life-wi
ll-come-to-an-abrupt-end
12
00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,482
if-you-Don'’t-
pick-me-situation?
13
00:00:26,551 --> 00:00:29,413
Well, it would help me
to know where you stood.
14
00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:31,586
I just haven'’t made
up my mind yet.
15
00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,793
Oh! Dashiell!
16
00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,896
Um, oh, you got
17
00:00:35,965 --> 00:00:37,620
a delivery job at the florist
18
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,827
who has keys to our house.
19
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:42,517
For you.
20
00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:45,275
So, who'’s it going to be?
21
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:47,482
Me? Or, uh...
22
00:00:47,551 --> 00:00:50,275
I'’m sorry, I forgot your name.
23
00:00:50,344 --> 00:00:51,689
I know you guys want a decision.
24
00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:52,689
You'’ve been patient.
25
00:00:52,758 --> 00:00:54,517
It'’s just that i'’m...
26
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:55,965
Talking to frozen people.
27
00:00:56,034 --> 00:00:57,034
Sabrina.
28
00:00:57,103 --> 00:00:58,896
We did that to
Harvey and dashiell.
29
00:00:58,965 --> 00:01:00,620
We couldn'’t wait
to give you the news.
30
00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,413
They think they'’re
in line at the bank.
31
00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:05,517
"Sabrina spellman, please
join us tomorrow for a ceremony
32
00:01:05,586 --> 00:01:08,241
honoring you for receiving
your witches'’ license."
33
00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:09,379
[ All yelling]
34
00:01:09,448 --> 00:01:11,000
This is great, and
when I feel great
35
00:01:11,068 --> 00:01:12,379
I get suspicious.
36
00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:13,344
What'’s the catch?
37
00:01:13,413 --> 00:01:14,482
No catch.
38
00:01:14,551 --> 00:01:15,931
Once you get your
witches'’ license
39
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,655
you'’ll automatically
have all the power
40
00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,551
and knowledge in the
universe inside of you.
41
00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:20,793
And thanks to modern medicine
42
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,517
it no longer requires
invasive surgery.
43
00:01:22,586 --> 00:01:23,626
So i'’ll be able to decide
44
00:01:23,689 --> 00:01:24,758
between Harvey and dash?
45
00:01:24,827 --> 00:01:25,379
Yeah.
46
00:01:25,448 --> 00:01:26,965
What are we waiting for?
47
00:01:27,034 --> 00:01:28,034
Let'’s go celebrate!
48
00:01:29,310 --> 00:01:30,758
You two remind me
49
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,482
of my first wife on
our honeymoon.
50
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,586
[ Clears throat]
51
00:01:33,655 --> 00:01:35,379
Good night, everyone,
drive carefully.
52
00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:56,379
I'’m a witch hitter.
53
00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,000
Mr. Kraft: Okay.
Attention, everyone.
54
00:02:03,068 --> 00:02:05,689
As you all know, this
year westbridge high
55
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:09,413
ranked number one in the
county on the school board exams.
56
00:02:09,482 --> 00:02:10,965
And, so, to celebrate
57
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:14,172
what I can only assume
to be flagrant cheating
58
00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:16,862
on the part of the
entire student body
59
00:02:16,931 --> 00:02:20,379
principal larue is giving
you a dance this Friday.
60
00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:21,655
[ All cheering]
61
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:24,655
And the theme of
the dance is a movie
62
00:02:24,724 --> 00:02:27,379
to be selected by
an honor student
63
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:30,724
who did particularly
well on the exams...
64
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:32,172
Oh, boy.
65
00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:34,896
Sabrina spellman.
66
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:36,896
[ Applause]
67
00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:41,206
Sabrina, will you
68
00:02:41,275 --> 00:02:42,482
go to the dance with me?
69
00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:44,068
Oh, I, uh...
70
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:46,620
Dashiell: Hey, Sabrina, you
want to go to the dance with me?
71
00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:47,689
Down here!
72
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:50,344
[ Screams]
73
00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:51,517
I take it that'’s a no?
74
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:54,172
Look, I can, uh, I can give
you an answer tomorrow
75
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:58,034
but first I have to go give
the chef my compliments.
76
00:02:58,103 --> 00:03:00,206
Dashiell, you'’re going
to get me in trouble.
77
00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:03,068
I-I can'’t be talking to you
when you'’re in a cream sauce.
78
00:03:03,137 --> 00:03:05,172
Dashiell: I can'’t be
responsible for my actions
79
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:07,172
Sabrina, I care
about you too much.
80
00:03:07,241 --> 00:03:08,482
Oh, that'’s sweet.
81
00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:09,689
You know, I had a lot of fun
82
00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,724
going to dinner in
Atlantis the other night.
83
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:14,137
The fish was good, but the
chips were kind of soggy.
84
00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:17,000
Great! So say yes and
go to the dance with me.
85
00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:18,931
Look, I can tell
you more tomorrow.
86
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,034
I'’ll know
87
00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:22,724
so much more about
everything tomorrow.
88
00:03:23,793 --> 00:03:25,206
Hey!
89
00:03:25,275 --> 00:03:27,000
There'’s nothing greater in life
90
00:03:27,068 --> 00:03:29,827
than creaming someone
in chess over the Internet.
91
00:03:29,896 --> 00:03:32,344
You said the same thing
about finding food in the couch.
92
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,413
Okay, bye.
93
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:34,793
That was Mr. Kraft.
94
00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:37,586
He wants us to chaperone
the dance with him Friday night.
95
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:38,758
I told him we'’d love to.
96
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,068
Oh, no.
97
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:43,275
Me and Willard kraft at
a dimly lit dance together.
98
00:03:43,344 --> 00:03:45,241
Ugh, you know what that means?
99
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:48,241
A stolen moment in
the janitor'’s closet?
100
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:51,689
No. It means i'’ll have to spend
my whole evening avoiding him.
101
00:03:51,758 --> 00:03:55,103
Which means no time to make
fun of how the awkward kids dance.
102
00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:57,310
I may have the
answer to your troubles.
103
00:03:57,379 --> 00:03:59,241
What if I asked
him to be mydate?
104
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:02,241
Oh, I couldn'’t
ask you to do that.
105
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:05,827
Well, actually, I...
Find him attractive.
106
00:04:05,896 --> 00:04:09,275
Oh, no. Salem, Zelda
has a brain lesion.
107
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:12,758
If you have any problem with it
108
00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:14,172
I won'’t ask him.
109
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:15,241
Me?
110
00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:17,448
Why would I have
a problem with it?
111
00:04:17,517 --> 00:04:19,931
I mean, he'’s not my boyfriend.
112
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,413
You know, in fact
113
00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:23,931
you would be doing me a favor.
114
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,000
Well, great.
115
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:26,551
Then i'’ll ask him.
116
00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:29,034
Wow, you must
feel like a huge loser.
117
00:04:30,034 --> 00:04:31,310
Who said that?
118
00:04:34,896 --> 00:04:36,068
Miss spellman
119
00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:37,448
have you reached a decision
120
00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:39,241
on a movie theme
for the dance yet?
121
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:41,413
Oh, well, I was kind
of leaning towards
122
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,344
Saturday night fever or grease.
123
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,551
I'’ve never heard
of those films.
124
00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:46,620
Really?
125
00:04:46,655 --> 00:04:48,482
Did you hear world war ii ended?
126
00:04:48,551 --> 00:04:51,034
Miss spellman,
you should be aware
127
00:04:51,103 --> 00:04:54,172
that I have final
approval on your choice.
128
00:04:54,241 --> 00:04:58,758
Therefore, I strongly suggest
that you chose my favorite film
129
00:04:58,827 --> 00:04:59,758
Billy Jack.
130
00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:00,896
I'’ve never heard of it.
131
00:05:00,965 --> 00:05:03,724
You'’re just saying that
because I just said it.
132
00:05:03,793 --> 00:05:07,379
No. I really haven'’t and I
think that it should really be my...
133
00:05:07,448 --> 00:05:09,655
Oh!
134
00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:11,275
Look, I told you kids
135
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:15,172
boom boxes are not
allowed on school property.
136
00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:16,517
And I was...
137
00:05:16,586 --> 00:05:22,172
That'’s it. No more buying
Sushi at the gas station.
138
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,034
Just think, Salem,
after today'’s ceremony
139
00:05:30,103 --> 00:05:32,655
i'’ll be able to chose
between Harvey and dash.
140
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,103
My life will be forever changed.
141
00:05:34,172 --> 00:05:36,965
What'’s a good counter move
when someone steals your bishop?
142
00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:38,551
You didn'’t hear a word I said.
143
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:42,103
Sabrina, an Albanian potato
farmer is whupping me in chess.
144
00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:43,620
You got to help me.
145
00:05:43,689 --> 00:05:45,000
I hate to lose.
146
00:05:45,068 --> 00:05:48,896
Well, sorry, Salem, I Don'’t
know how to play chess.
147
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:51,275
I guess you'’re just going
to have to accept your fate
148
00:05:51,344 --> 00:05:52,724
and learn to lose with dignity.
149
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:55,344
Would you at least help
me type in my response?
150
00:05:55,413 --> 00:06:00,068
"Dear Yuri, you
have a big nose..."
151
00:06:00,137 --> 00:06:01,482
Salem, i'’m not typing that.
152
00:06:01,551 --> 00:06:02,724
You didn'’t let me finish.
153
00:06:02,793 --> 00:06:04,000
I was going to say
154
00:06:04,068 --> 00:06:06,379
"you have a big nose,
for an ignorant monkey."
155
00:06:06,448 --> 00:06:07,931
Now, chop, chop, start typing.
156
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,448
Is it facial hair?
157
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:13,344
Do you have an unquenchable
desire for men with facial hair?
158
00:06:13,413 --> 00:06:14,689
Hilda, will you please stop?
159
00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:16,862
I'’m not going to tell
you why I like Willard.
160
00:06:16,931 --> 00:06:17,931
Willard?
161
00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:19,931
Oh, now you'’re
calling him Willard.
162
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,793
Gee, Zelda, when'’s the wedding?
163
00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:26,068
Honey, oh, you look beautiful.
164
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:27,448
Thanks.
165
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,793
I'’m a little nervous about
getting my witches'’ license.
166
00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:30,896
I wish you guys could go.
167
00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:32,689
Parents and guardians
have been banned
168
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:34,724
ever since the invention
of the camcorder.
169
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:36,413
Well, take a good look.
170
00:06:36,482 --> 00:06:39,206
This may be my last
moment of humility.
171
00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:44,586
Does he have some inheritance
that I Don'’t know about?
172
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:45,655
[ Sighs]
173
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:48,965
Hi. There must be some mistake.
174
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,758
I was supposed to be a
party for my witches'’ license.
175
00:06:51,827 --> 00:06:53,310
My name is Sabrina spellman.
176
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,103
Nope, you'’re in
the right place.
177
00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:56,275
It can'’t be.
178
00:06:56,344 --> 00:06:58,344
It'’s supposed to be
this huge celebration.
179
00:06:58,413 --> 00:07:00,827
Look, I can take care
of this all at home, um...
180
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,310
Could I have my license?
181
00:07:02,379 --> 00:07:05,206
You have to complete one
more test before I can issue it.
182
00:07:05,275 --> 00:07:07,172
What'’s the test?
183
00:07:07,241 --> 00:07:11,758
What is the most dangerous
time to ride your vacuum?
184
00:07:11,827 --> 00:07:15,724
During a: Heavy rain,
b: Light rain, c: Hail.
185
00:07:15,793 --> 00:07:17,103
Really? That'’s the whole test?
186
00:07:17,172 --> 00:07:19,068
"A," "b," or "c," please.
187
00:07:19,137 --> 00:07:20,793
Well, that'’s easy,
"b," light rain.
188
00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:22,551
Congratulations, you passed.
189
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:23,827
And please remember
190
00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:26,068
witching is a
privilege, not a right.
191
00:07:32,448 --> 00:07:34,310
Now this is more like it.
192
00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:36,517
All: ♪ for she'’s a
jolly good witch ♪
193
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,448
♪ for she'’s a
jolly good witch ♪
194
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:41,689
♪ for she'’s a
jolly good witch ♪
195
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:45,000
♪ which nobody can deny.
196
00:07:50,206 --> 00:07:51,482
Wow, you guys made it.
197
00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:52,965
Sorry we had to fool you
198
00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:55,689
but if you tell anyone
about their ceremony
199
00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:58,310
the witches'’ council
cuts your tongue out.
200
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:02,896
Sabrina, you two
have already met.
201
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,896
This is your cousin, Doris.
202
00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:06,758
Wow, you were in on
this the whole time?
203
00:08:06,827 --> 00:08:08,241
How'’d you keep a straight face?
204
00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:10,068
I was classically trained.
205
00:08:10,137 --> 00:08:12,448
Oh, well it'’s nice to meet...
206
00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:13,551
You.
207
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,000
What was that for?
208
00:08:15,068 --> 00:08:17,000
Your witches'’ license photo.
209
00:08:17,068 --> 00:08:18,000
But, I wasn'’t ready.
210
00:08:18,068 --> 00:08:19,310
It'’s going to be awful.
211
00:08:19,379 --> 00:08:21,551
Hasn'’t the woman ever
heard of the phrase "cheese?"
212
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,793
Oh, come on, Sabrina.
Everyone thinks they have
213
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,413
the worst witches'’
license picture.
214
00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:30,413
And you'’ll be no exception.
215
00:08:30,482 --> 00:08:32,827
Oh, Doris, could you
take another one?
216
00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,172
This one'’s terrible.
217
00:08:34,241 --> 00:08:37,034
Are you saying you Don'’t
like my workmanship?
218
00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:39,034
Doris, calm down.
Sabrina didn'’t mean...
219
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,724
Because when people Don'’t
like my workmanship, I get angry.
220
00:08:41,793 --> 00:08:43,965
And when I get angry, I...
221
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,034
Okay, you know what?
The picture'’s fine.
222
00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:53,172
Let'’s go.
223
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,896
Ow.
224
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:56,034
Ow!
225
00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:59,862
Sabrina, there'’s something
we have to tell you.
226
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:02,965
Besides the fact that my
license is electrocuting me?
227
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:05,655
Before a witch can
actually use her license
228
00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:08,034
she has to discover
her family secret.
229
00:09:08,103 --> 00:09:09,275
Excuse me?
230
00:09:09,344 --> 00:09:11,379
Yeah. Our family
has a lot of secrets
231
00:09:11,448 --> 00:09:13,000
but there'’s one in particular
232
00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:15,344
that will break the
spell on your license
233
00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:17,241
and then you'’ll
be free to use it.
234
00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:18,620
Trust me, it'’s a doozy.
235
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:20,655
And to help you
discover the secret
236
00:09:20,724 --> 00:09:23,034
family members will
visit us periodically
237
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:24,517
and serve as your guide.
238
00:09:24,586 --> 00:09:26,413
Doris will be
your first visitor.
239
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,000
I'’m looking forward to it.
240
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,275
I can'’t believe this
241
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,862
you'’re telling me I can'’t
use my license at all?
242
00:09:31,931 --> 00:09:33,620
That means I have to decide
243
00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:35,965
between Harvey and
dashiell on my own?
244
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,482
Like a normal teenager?
245
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:39,172
I'’m sorry, honey.
246
00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:42,413
This just... stinks.
247
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,724
Sabrina, we need to talk
to you about your decision.
248
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,482
Oh. Right. Yeah, my decision.
249
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,103
Uh, well, see, a funny
thing happened. I...
250
00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:57,655
You haven'’t decided yet.
251
00:09:57,724 --> 00:09:59,689
Boy, thanks for
cutting me off there.
252
00:09:59,758 --> 00:10:01,448
I ran out of steam on that one.
253
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,551
Well, we'’ve come to
a decision on our own.
254
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:04,827
We both really like you
255
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,620
but we can'’t keep
waiting like this
256
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,344
so if you Don'’t
decide by tomorrow
257
00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:09,793
you Don'’t get either of us.
258
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:11,275
Harvey: And not
just for the dance.
259
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,551
Forever.
260
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:15,827
You know, maybe we
could do joint custody.
261
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:17,689
You'’d get me every
other Christmas.
262
00:10:17,758 --> 00:10:19,344
Hey. Couldn'’t help overhearing.
263
00:10:19,413 --> 00:10:20,413
Was it bad?
264
00:10:20,482 --> 00:10:22,275
Awful. They gave
me an ultimatum.
265
00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:23,689
What am I going to do?
266
00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:26,482
Uh, jump for joy that two
guys are fighting over you?
267
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:27,586
It'’s not that easy.
268
00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:29,586
This is one of the
toughest decisions
269
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:30,931
i'’ve ever had to make.
270
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,000
We need to know what theme
you want the dance to be.
271
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,206
Oh, I completely
forgot about that.
272
00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:37,931
Uh... make it grease.
273
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,724
Okay, but has
Mr. Kraft approved that
274
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:42,620
because I think this Billy Jack
guy might be a friend of his.
275
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:43,896
I have too much on my mind
276
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,655
to worry about
what Mr. Kraft wants.
277
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:46,862
Just make it grease.Okay.
278
00:10:46,931 --> 00:10:48,620
Oh, you know,
Mr. Kraft is also open
279
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,379
to a mother, juggs & speedtheme.
280
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:51,793
[ Gasping]
281
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:53,724
Hilda, what do you
think of this letter?
282
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:55,103
[ Clears throat]
283
00:10:55,172 --> 00:10:58,206
"Dear Yuri. Congratulations.
I'’m amazed that a person
284
00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:00,068
"with such low intelligence
285
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,655
"could defeat me in chess.
286
00:11:01,724 --> 00:11:04,517
Hats off to your mother
for marrying her brother."
287
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:07,068
I'’ll stop. After that,
it gets a little mean.
288
00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:09,344
That'’s nice, Salem.
289
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:10,655
Is something wrong?
290
00:11:10,724 --> 00:11:12,034
Yes, something'’s wrong.
291
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:13,551
Zelda stole my boyfriend.
292
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:14,758
That'’s what'’s wrong.
293
00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:16,448
I thought you
despised Mr. Kraft.
294
00:11:16,517 --> 00:11:19,724
Last time you went out with him,
you came home and took a bath
295
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,517
like Meryl Streep
did in silkwood.
296
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:24,275
Yeah, but haven'’t you
ever had a person in your life
297
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:25,827
who you find truly revolting
298
00:11:25,896 --> 00:11:28,482
and the thought of them
touching you makes you gag
299
00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:31,344
but you keep them around
because they compliment you?
300
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:33,448
That'’s what they
teach in church.
301
00:11:33,517 --> 00:11:34,586
What am I going to do?
302
00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:37,206
Just go down to the school
and ask him to the dance.
303
00:11:37,275 --> 00:11:40,034
He'’ll get all mushy and say how
he wishes he could go with you
304
00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:41,103
so you'’ll feel better
305
00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:42,620
but you'’re in no
danger of a date
306
00:11:42,689 --> 00:11:44,862
because you already
know he'’s going with Zelda.
307
00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:48,275
That'’s not half bad.
308
00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:51,241
Hey, when you spend eight
hours a day licking your butt
309
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,793
you come up with a good idea
310
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,862
every now again.
311
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,689
I have to decide between
Harvey and dashiell by tomorrow
312
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,827
and I have no idea
who i'’m going to choose.
313
00:11:59,896 --> 00:12:01,034
What am I going to do?
314
00:12:01,103 --> 00:12:02,896
My dear, sweet, if
not simple, Sabrina
315
00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:04,206
haven'’t you learned anything
316
00:12:04,275 --> 00:12:06,000
from years of being
under my tutelage?
317
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:07,931
That squirrels are
meaner than they look?
318
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,310
No. Use the agic-may ook-bay.
319
00:12:11,379 --> 00:12:13,103
Of course.
320
00:12:13,172 --> 00:12:14,310
Why didn'’t I think of that?
321
00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:16,620
Look in the love
section underneath
322
00:12:16,689 --> 00:12:19,034
"king, '’comma, '’
marriages of Larry."
323
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:20,965
Oh. Here'’s one
that will give you
324
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:23,482
a physical manifestation
of your feelings.
325
00:12:23,551 --> 00:12:25,896
It says here if I use
this spell correctly
326
00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:27,862
my heart will be revealed to me.
327
00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:28,965
Sounds gory.
328
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:30,448
Nah. The only
spell that'’s literal
329
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,965
is the
heart-on-your-sleeve spell.
330
00:12:32,034 --> 00:12:33,758
This just shows your
true heart'’s desire.
331
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:36,413
All I have to do is
sing the following song
332
00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,655
while placing my
hand over my chest.
333
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:42,379
I feel kind of stupid, but
at this point i'’ll try anything.
334
00:12:42,448 --> 00:12:45,689
♪ What'’s it all about, Alfie? ♪
335
00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,344
♪ Is it just for the
moment we live? ♪
336
00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:51,310
Darn it. This song
always makes me cry.
337
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:54,448
♪ What'’s it all about, Alfie? ♪
338
00:12:54,517 --> 00:12:55,827
Valerie: Hey, Sabrina?
339
00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:57,655
Mr. Kraft found out
you picked grease
340
00:12:57,724 --> 00:12:59,034
and he'’s looking for you.
341
00:12:59,103 --> 00:13:01,275
When does that man
do his job? He'’s furious.
342
00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:03,724
Apparently, he already
had a Billy Jack outfit.
343
00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:06,827
And I Don'’t mean he
had it made for the party
344
00:13:06,896 --> 00:13:09,241
I mean he already hadit. Scary.
345
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,517
Well, you shouldn'’t
be seen with me.
346
00:13:11,586 --> 00:13:12,586
Save yourself.
347
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,034
Thanks. This is me leaving.
348
00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:18,655
[ Spurs jangling]
349
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:22,862
Harvey?
350
00:13:25,689 --> 00:13:28,275
Okay. I'’m going to have to
start helping you buy your clothes.
351
00:13:28,344 --> 00:13:29,344
[ Spurs jangling]
352
00:13:42,448 --> 00:13:44,551
Oh, no. This must be the spell.
353
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:47,172
They'’re going to
fight over my heart.
354
00:13:47,241 --> 00:13:51,275
Being a witch would be a lot
easier without all the magic.
355
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,655
So, dashiell
356
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:06,172
got to ask yourself...
357
00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:08,241
Do you feel lucky?
358
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,827
I'’ve always been lucky.
359
00:14:19,103 --> 00:14:23,034
Hey... look, is that
Vince lombardi?
360
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:24,793
It was worth a shot.
361
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,931
Oh, Sabrina, there you are.
362
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,827
Oh, uh...
363
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:30,551
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
364
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,931
If you hear anything
that sounds like gunshots
365
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,724
and the last pleading cries
of a dying man, it'’s not.
366
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:38,310
No, please, do not try
to change the subject.
367
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:40,310
I am here to talk
about the dance.
368
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,655
I Don'’t hear anything, do you?
369
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,241
I thought I just heard
myself speaking.
370
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:45,241
Really? I Don'’t.
371
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:47,206
I should go have
my ears checked.
372
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:49,482
Sabrina, you...
373
00:14:49,551 --> 00:14:51,275
[ Sound of horses hooves]
374
00:14:51,344 --> 00:14:54,896
That'’s funny, I Don'’t remember
this school having a blacksmith.
375
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:58,517
Where'’d they go?
376
00:14:58,586 --> 00:15:00,172
Don'’t hurt me. I got a family.
377
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:08,931
Valerie, has anything
been weird in the cafeteria?
378
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,448
The milk is fresh today.
379
00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:12,000
Good. That'’s good, good.
380
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:15,413
Everything will be fine as
soon as I stop saying "good."
381
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:19,000
[ Grunting]
382
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,310
[ Phony French
accent]: Prepare to die.
383
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:30,551
My love of Sabrina is
greater than my love
384
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,620
of not bathing and
movies with no plot.
385
00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:33,689
[ Yells]
386
00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:38,827
Aprez-vous.
387
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,379
Oh, merci.
388
00:15:40,448 --> 00:15:41,586
Merci beaucoup.
389
00:15:41,655 --> 00:15:42,862
[ Yells]
390
00:15:45,103 --> 00:15:46,344
Those drama students...
391
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,000
You know, they really
need a lot of attention.
392
00:15:52,275 --> 00:15:54,172
Sabrina?
393
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:56,000
Sabri-i-ina.
394
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:58,482
[ Southern accent]:
Well, my, my, Willard.
395
00:15:58,551 --> 00:16:00,862
Just the vice principal
I wanted to see.
396
00:16:00,931 --> 00:16:02,862
Hilda! What are you doing here?
397
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:05,551
Well, i'’ve come to
see you, silly puss.
398
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,689
I want to talk about you and me
399
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:11,206
and a little dance we'’re
going to on Friday night.
400
00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:12,827
Oh...
401
00:16:12,896 --> 00:16:14,620
Hilda, I thought you knew.
402
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:16,551
Your sister already asked me.
403
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:17,620
She did?
404
00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:19,137
Well, fiddlesticks on her.
405
00:16:19,206 --> 00:16:21,448
How dare she take
my man away from me?
406
00:16:21,517 --> 00:16:24,896
Gee, I had no idea
you felt like this.
407
00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:27,275
I mean, you know how I...
408
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:28,724
How crazy I am about you.
409
00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:29,793
I mean...
410
00:16:29,862 --> 00:16:31,793
You'’re beautiful,
you'’re funny...
411
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:33,379
Thanks. That'’s all
I wanted to know.
412
00:16:33,448 --> 00:16:35,103
Well, maybe some
other time then.
413
00:16:35,172 --> 00:16:36,206
Yeah, i'’ll call you...
414
00:16:36,275 --> 00:16:37,827
Oh!
415
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:44,137
Hello, hilda.
416
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,655
How about Saturday night, huh?
417
00:16:45,724 --> 00:16:47,586
I'’ll make a batch of
Harvey wallbangers
418
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:50,586
we'’ll put on the history
channel and just... kiss all night.
419
00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,896
Hey, hey, could you
guys stop fighting?
420
00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:54,379
I'’ll give you ice cream.
421
00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:58,896
Doris...
422
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:00,275
What are you doing here?
423
00:17:00,344 --> 00:17:02,620
I'’m supposed to talk to
you about the family secret.
424
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,758
Doris, there are two
ninjas fighting to the death
425
00:17:04,827 --> 00:17:06,620
for my love in the
middle of my high school.
426
00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:08,551
Now is not a good time. You know
427
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:10,206
I came all the way over here
428
00:17:10,275 --> 00:17:12,275
on other realm
public transportation
429
00:17:12,344 --> 00:17:13,586
so you could talk to me.
430
00:17:13,655 --> 00:17:14,793
This makes me angry.
431
00:17:14,862 --> 00:17:16,310
No. Doris, Don'’t get angry.
432
00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:18,586
Um, i'’ll ask you
about the family secret.
433
00:17:18,655 --> 00:17:19,655
What is it?
434
00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:21,310
Too late. I'’m already angry.
435
00:17:21,379 --> 00:17:23,448
And when I get angry I...
436
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,896
Well, it looks
like you'’re busy.
437
00:17:42,965 --> 00:17:44,310
I'’ll come back later.
438
00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:45,551
Dashiell, i'’m sorry.
439
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,310
I guess I didn'’t get to you.
440
00:17:47,379 --> 00:17:48,724
No. I know what happened.
441
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:51,000
My big brother warned
me about the spell.
442
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,689
You jumped in front of Harvey
443
00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:54,793
because he'’s the
one your heart chose.
444
00:17:54,862 --> 00:17:57,379
Wow. So the spell worked.
445
00:17:58,724 --> 00:17:59,655
I'’m sorry.
446
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,241
Yeah. Me, too.
447
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:04,206
But i'’d still like
to be friends.
448
00:18:04,275 --> 00:18:05,379
I'’d like that, too.
449
00:18:07,827 --> 00:18:09,827
Yeah.
450
00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:14,241
Harvey?
451
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:15,448
Are you okay?
452
00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:17,068
Um, you fell on your head...
453
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,724
Repeatedly... In various
parts of the school.
454
00:18:19,793 --> 00:18:20,896
[ Groans]
455
00:18:20,965 --> 00:18:22,517
I hope no one saw me.
456
00:18:22,586 --> 00:18:24,000
Harvey, if you'’re
still up for it
457
00:18:24,068 --> 00:18:25,827
would you like to
take me to the dance?
458
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,620
Really?
459
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,103
Great!
460
00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:30,655
Could we go somewhere
461
00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:33,241
where someone
could look at my spine?
462
00:18:35,793 --> 00:18:37,241
[ Groans]
463
00:18:38,344 --> 00:18:39,620
Hey, you'’re still here.
464
00:18:39,689 --> 00:18:41,586
Shouldn'’t you be at the dance?
465
00:18:41,655 --> 00:18:43,827
Yeah, but i'’m
going to wait a while.
466
00:18:43,896 --> 00:18:45,758
I feel so stupid
going without a date.
467
00:18:45,827 --> 00:18:48,413
So paint on half a mustache
and go with yourself.
468
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:49,517
[ Sarcastic chuckling]
469
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,034
[ Doorbell rings]
470
00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:54,379
I am Yuri.
471
00:18:54,448 --> 00:18:55,724
I come to kill Salem.
472
00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,310
Uh-oh.
473
00:18:57,379 --> 00:18:59,793
[ In falsetto]:
Salem'’s not here.
474
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:01,068
Can I help you?
475
00:19:01,137 --> 00:19:04,482
Salem has insulted
my mother for last time.
476
00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:07,000
I will wear his entrails as hat.
477
00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:08,827
You know, Salem'’s
478
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:11,620
not here right now, but I
know where you can find him.
479
00:19:11,689 --> 00:19:14,413
He happens to be at a high
school dance i'’m going to.
480
00:19:14,482 --> 00:19:16,206
I'’ll take you to him. Okay?
481
00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:20,000
Oh! Thanks a bunch, hilda.
482
00:19:20,068 --> 00:19:22,620
I'’ll never call you stupid
behind your back again.
483
00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,655
I didn'’t do it for
you. I need a date.
484
00:19:24,724 --> 00:19:26,310
And underneath all those pelts
485
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:28,586
it looks like he'’s got
a pretty good body.
486
00:19:28,655 --> 00:19:30,310
♪ We'’ll get some
overhead lifters ♪
487
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:32,482
♪ and four-barrel
quads, oh, yeah ♪
488
00:19:32,551 --> 00:19:34,620
♪ keep talkin'’,
whoa, keep talkin'’ ♪
489
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:37,379
♪ fuel injection cut off
and chrome-plated rods
490
00:19:37,448 --> 00:19:38,448
♪ oh, yeah...
491
00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:40,034
Wow, you look amazing.
492
00:19:40,103 --> 00:19:42,137
Thanks. Why are
you talking like that?
493
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:45,482
My mom thought for
authenticity I should wear a girdle.
494
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,310
Whalebone is not that giving.
495
00:19:47,379 --> 00:19:49,000
[ Laughing]
496
00:19:49,068 --> 00:19:50,482
Excuse me.
497
00:19:50,551 --> 00:19:51,793
Mr. Kraft, I Don'’t remember
498
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:53,310
your character from grease.
499
00:19:53,379 --> 00:19:55,068
Were you in the director'’s cut?
500
00:19:55,137 --> 00:20:00,172
You know, Sabrina, when people
make fun of my Billy Jack outfit
501
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:03,137
I just go berserk!
502
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:06,551
Willard, please... Stop that.
503
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:07,689
Hi.
504
00:20:10,137 --> 00:20:11,862
You are Salem.
505
00:20:11,931 --> 00:20:12,931
Oh, no, no, no.
506
00:20:12,965 --> 00:20:14,586
This is supposed
to be Billy Jack.
507
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:17,275
I will eat your eyes like candy.
508
00:20:17,344 --> 00:20:18,482
Oh, boy.
509
00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:27,620
Sabrina, there'’s no
easy way to say this
510
00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:30,344
so I might as well just say...
511
00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:32,103
Well, how should I put it?
512
00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:34,448
Harvey, you'’re babbling.
513
00:20:34,517 --> 00:20:36,827
Will you go steady
with me again?
514
00:20:36,896 --> 00:20:37,965
Really?
515
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:39,413
I'’d love to.
516
00:20:39,482 --> 00:20:45,586
♪ ...hopelessly devoted to you
517
00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:48,551
♪ ooh
518
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:56,620
♪ hopelessly devoted to you. ♪
519
00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:05,793
♪
37360
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