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1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,060
(school bell rings)
2
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,230
♪ When I wake up
in the morning ♪
3
00:00:04,230 --> 00:00:05,770
♪ And the alarm
gives out a warning ♪
4
00:00:05,770 --> 00:00:08,770
♪ I don't think I'll
ever make it on time ♪
5
00:00:08,770 --> 00:00:10,210
♪ By the time I grab my books ♪
6
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:11,740
♪ Give myself a look ♪
7
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:13,240
♪ I'm at the corner
just in time ♪
8
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,210
♪ To see the bus fly by ♪
9
00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:16,910
♪ It's alright ♪
10
00:00:16,910 --> 00:00:21,180
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
11
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,280
♪ If the teacher pops a test ♪
12
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,750
♪ I know I'm in a mess ♪
13
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:27,020
♪ And the dog ate all
my homework last night ♪
14
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ Riding low in my chair ♪
15
00:00:28,430 --> 00:00:29,960
♪ She won't know
that I'm there ♪
16
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,390
♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow ♪
17
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,430
♪ It'll be alright ♪
18
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:35,230
♪ It's alright ♪
19
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:39,130
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
20
00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:53,420
♪ It's alright ♪
21
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,820
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the ♪
22
00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:56,380
♪ It's alright ♪
23
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,150
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the ♪
24
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,490
♪ It's alright ♪
25
00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:04,330
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
26
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:09,430
- Alright, let's go, people.
27
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:11,530
Find a seat.
28
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,940
You, too, Slater.
29
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,940
- What's up, guys.
- Hey, Slater.
30
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,040
- Here's the latest
Bayside survey.
31
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,540
98% of the students
favor two days of school
32
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:23,680
and a five-day weekend.
33
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,610
Right, guys?
34
00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:25,850
Yeah!
35
00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:28,850
(students cheering
and applauding)
36
00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:32,650
And now the results of the
principal popularity poll.
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,660
(audience laughs)
38
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:35,460
Whoops.
39
00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:39,590
(audience laughs)
40
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,200
As you can see, it's
heading straight for China.
41
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,800
(audience laughs)
42
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,240
- Zack, sit down,
you're ticking him off.
43
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,140
- Wait, what about
classes on the beach, huh?
44
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,370
- Just sit.
45
00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:51,940
(audience laughs)
46
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:53,710
Now, before we
continue our assembly,
47
00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:55,410
our principal has a
special announcement.
48
00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:57,180
Let's hear it for Mr. Belding.
49
00:01:57,180 --> 00:01:58,510
(one person claps)
50
00:01:58,520 --> 00:01:59,580
(audience laughs)
51
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:00,880
- You're winning the back, sir.
52
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,020
(audience laughs)
53
00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:04,690
- Thank you, Jessie.
54
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,490
(audience laughs)
55
00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:12,830
Listen up, everybody, because
two weeks from tonight,
56
00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:16,360
we are holding the annual
Miss Bayside Beauty Pageant.
57
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,300
- Yeah!
58
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,930
(students clapping and cheering)
59
00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:19,770
Alright.
60
00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:21,540
Hey, swimsuit, swimsuit.
61
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,970
- [Guys] Swimsuit,
swimsuit, swimsuit.
62
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:26,470
- Alright, alright, alright.
63
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,010
The lucky winner will then go on
64
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:31,750
to compete for the title of
Miss High School California.
65
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:35,880
(students applauding
and cheering)
66
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,190
- A beauty pageant?
67
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:40,120
What a stupid,
sexist waste of time.
68
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,690
- Not if you're in a
teeny bikini, mama.
69
00:02:42,690 --> 00:02:45,060
(audience laughs)
70
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,130
- I can't believe it.
71
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:48,200
A woman ran for vice president,
72
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,830
a woman sits on
the Supreme Court,
73
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:52,770
and Belding still wants
us parading around
in bathing suits.
74
00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:54,570
- But, Jessie, when
those women go swimming,
75
00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:56,040
don't they wear
bathing suits, too?
76
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,670
- Ooh, let's see you
counter that one, Jessie.
77
00:02:57,670 --> 00:03:00,580
- Kelly, we're human
beings, not sex objects.
78
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,840
I just don't want to be
judged on my measurements.
79
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,740
- Why not?
80
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:04,850
You got some great ones.
81
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:05,910
- Yeah.
82
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,420
(audience laughs)
83
00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:10,820
- Every beauty
pageant just takes us
84
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:12,950
one step backwards in
our war against sexism.
85
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,190
- Hey, well, you
can take me prisoner
86
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:15,420
in that war anytime, baby.
87
00:03:15,430 --> 00:03:16,860
(audience laughs)
88
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,960
- Well, Jessie
does have a point.
89
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,230
- Yeah, I was gonna enter,
90
00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:22,560
but after listening
to you, I won't.
91
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,200
- Oh, great, this is gonna
be some beauty pageant.
92
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,070
Woof, woof.
93
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,770
- Kelly, why don't you, Lisa,
and I form a picket line?
94
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,440
- (scoffs) Not me,
girl, I'm entering.
95
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,910
- Why?
96
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,440
- Because I want to be Miss
High School California.
97
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,810
It's fun being pretty.
98
00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:35,640
(audience laughs)
99
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,910
- You are hopeless.
100
00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:38,150
Come on, Kelly, let's
go make picket signs.
101
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,680
- How about some with
pretty pink letters
102
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:40,850
and cute little hearts?
103
00:03:40,850 --> 00:03:43,220
(audience laughs)
104
00:03:43,220 --> 00:03:44,050
See ya.
105
00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:44,890
- Bye.
106
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,760
- Lisa, you are one lucky girl.
107
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:49,790
Now that Kelly's
out of the pageant,
108
00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:51,960
I'm throwing my support to you.
109
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,390
- Big deal.
110
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,360
(audience laughs)
111
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,330
- For your information, Slater,
112
00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:56,560
I happen to be an expert.
113
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,830
I've got video tapes
of every beauty pageant
114
00:03:57,830 --> 00:03:59,800
from Miss Universe
to Miss U-Haul.
115
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:00,970
(audience laughs)
116
00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:02,940
And I'd be happy to
offer my services.
117
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:05,240
- Uh, thanks but no thanks.
118
00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:10,250
- Yeah, well, I tell ya,
119
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,910
she's gonna regret
refusing my offer.
120
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:13,550
- Oh, come on, preppy.
121
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:15,150
You know as much
about beauty pageants
122
00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:17,790
as I know about
wearing pantyhose.
123
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:18,620
(audience laughs)
124
00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:19,720
- Oh, yeah?
125
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,990
I bet you I could take anyone
126
00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,990
and make them the
next Miss Bayside.
127
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,430
- Alright, it's a bet.
128
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,100
50 bucks.
129
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,130
And since you said
you could take anyone,
130
00:04:30,130 --> 00:04:32,030
I get to pick the contestant.
131
00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:33,570
- You got it.
132
00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:34,400
- Deal.
133
00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:36,870
Let me see here.
134
00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:37,710
Hmm.
135
00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:42,980
Too cute.
136
00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:45,810
(audience laughs)
137
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:48,150
Too sweet.
138
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:50,950
(audience laughs)
139
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:51,790
- Hi, guys.
140
00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:54,590
- Too perfect.
141
00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:55,890
(audience laughs)
142
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,360
- Screech?
143
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,600
- Hey, Zack, wanna see me drink
a milkshake through my nose?
144
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,400
(audience laughs)
145
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,330
- I bet no one'll beat
him in the talent contest.
146
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:07,170
(audience laughs)
147
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,100
- Hey, who drank my root beer?
148
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,070
(Kevin burps)
149
00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:13,240
(audience laughs)
150
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,340
- Sorry, Zack.
151
00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:15,880
Potato chips make me thirsty.
152
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,410
(audience laughs)
153
00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:19,550
- Screech, I have something
very important to tell you.
154
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,180
- Alf flew back to Melmac?
155
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,820
(audience laughs)
156
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:24,350
- No.
157
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:27,050
The next Miss Bayside is
right here in this room.
158
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,960
(audience laughs)
159
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:32,860
- Kevin.
160
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,100
I'm so happy for you.
161
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,730
(audience laughs)
162
00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:37,700
- Me?
163
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:38,930
- Not Kevin.
164
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:40,170
You, you doofus.
165
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,570
- Zack, I thought you
knew this already,
166
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,510
but I'm a guy.
167
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,340
(audience laughs)
168
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:46,270
- Doesn't matter.
169
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,510
The rules don't say anything
170
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:49,080
about Miss Bayside
having to be a girl.
171
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,080
- Let me see those.
172
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,350
I need my glasses.
173
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:56,180
(audience laughs)
174
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,220
(audience laughs)
175
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,120
Okay, let's see here.
176
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,620
(reading quickly)
177
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,490
He's right, boss, you can enter.
178
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,890
Do something about your hair.
179
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,900
(audience laughs)
180
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:09,830
- I don't wanna enter, Zack.
181
00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:10,970
No one would vote for me.
182
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,800
- Well, that's
because the other kids
183
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,670
don't know the real you.
184
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:19,010
They don't realize all
your wonderful qualities.
185
00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,140
- I have some?
186
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,110
(audience laughs)
187
00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:22,610
- Yeah, you're full of them.
188
00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:27,050
Hey, you'll go where no
man has ever gone before.
189
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,720
- Okay, but I have to
be home before dark.
190
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,220
(audience laughs)
191
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,820
(upbeat music)
192
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,900
- Sisters, don't sign up
for the beauty pageant.
193
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,960
Let Belding know we're
united against him.
194
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,630
- Yeah.
195
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,330
(audience laughs)
196
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:50,070
- Kelly, show some
more enthusiasm.
197
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:50,910
- Right.
198
00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:58,780
Belding is a sexist, ra ra ra!
199
00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:00,650
(audience laughs)
200
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:01,720
- (clears throat)
On second thought,
201
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,920
just carry the sign.
202
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,820
- Okay.
203
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,390
(audience laughs)
204
00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:07,150
- Hi, Jessie, Kelly.
205
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,390
Nice signs.
206
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:09,820
- They would have
been prettier in pink.
207
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,760
(audience laughs)
208
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:11,590
- We don't talk to traitors.
209
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,800
- Hi, guys, I just entered
the beauty pageant.
210
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:18,730
Wish me luck?
211
00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,300
- Lisa, you had your chance.
212
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,200
Now I'm backing a
better contestant.
213
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,040
- Who?
214
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:23,870
- Screech.
215
00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,540
(Lisa laughs)
216
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:28,910
(audience laughs)
217
00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:31,480
Ban Miss Bayside, hmph.
218
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,320
(audience laughs)
219
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,090
- Zack, are Jessie and
Kelly still out there
220
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,060
with those signs?
221
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:42,960
- Still there, sir.
222
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:43,960
- But don't worry, sir.
223
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,090
I don't think you're a pig.
224
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,430
(audience laughs)
225
00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,900
- Sir, can I please have an
entry form for the pageant?
226
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,130
- Oh, great, now I
suppose you wanna enter.
227
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,940
- Don't be ridiculous.
228
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:55,840
I'm entering Screech.
229
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,670
(audience laughs)
230
00:07:56,670 --> 00:07:57,510
- Are you crazy?
231
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,040
You can't enter a man.
232
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,980
- Well, I'm not entering a
man, I'm entering Screech.
233
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,810
(audience laughs)
234
00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:05,480
- I'm sorry, but this
contest is only for women.
235
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,750
- Why?
236
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:08,450
Why should women be the
only ones put on parade?
237
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:09,820
You know, I think
it's a great idea
238
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,150
to enter a man in the pageant.
239
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:13,220
It makes a statement.
240
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,490
- Oh, you want a statement?
241
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:15,760
Well, here's a statement.
242
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:16,920
No way, Jose.
243
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,060
(audience laughs)
244
00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:19,630
- Now I'll never
be beauty queen.
245
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,730
- [Zack and Jessie] Hold it.
246
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,300
- Mr. Belding, if you
don't let Screech in,
247
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,730
you're discriminating
against men.
248
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,300
They'll just join us
in the picket line.
249
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,770
- Yeah.
250
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,070
Yeah, I'll get you 20
good men by lunch, Jessie.
251
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:31,270
(audience laughs)
252
00:08:31,270 --> 00:08:32,640
- I can deliver three
geeks and a nerd.
253
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:33,740
(audience laughs)
254
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:34,980
- Oh, wait, wait a minute, now.
255
00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:37,980
Let's not let this thing
get out of hand here.
256
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:40,920
Jessie, if I let this
257
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,750
contestant enter the pageant,
258
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,320
will you stop your protesting?
259
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,590
- Well, a man in
a beauty contest
260
00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:49,220
would be a big step forward.
261
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,360
Alright, let Screech enter
262
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,160
and I'll call off the protest.
263
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,230
- Okay.
264
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,400
Sign up.
265
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,970
- Mom will be so proud.
266
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:00,370
(audience laughs)
267
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:02,940
(upbeat music)
268
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,440
- I don't believe this.
269
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,980
Screech is making a
mockery out of the pageant.
270
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,440
- No, Lisa, is the
first time the pageant
271
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,980
hasn't been a mockery.
272
00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:14,550
People should vote
for the inner person.
273
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:16,080
- Give me a break.
274
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:17,690
It's easy for you to talk,
you're not in the contest.
275
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:20,520
- Well, I'd feel the
same way if I were in it.
276
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,990
- No, you wouldn't,
you'd feel ridiculous
277
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:23,590
competing against Screech.
278
00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:25,090
- No, she wouldn't.
279
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,660
Hey, I bet Jessie would be
proud to be part of an event
280
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:30,030
that treats men
and women equally.
281
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,370
Right, Jessie?
282
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,770
- Well, yeah, I suppose so.
283
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,000
- Well, then why
don't you enter?
284
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,440
- Yeah?
285
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,240
Yeah, show off
your inner person.
286
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,870
- Alright, I will.
287
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,310
I'm in.
288
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:43,210
- Alright, way to go, mama.
289
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:44,880
(audience laughs)
290
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,010
I mean, Ms. Mama.
291
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,650
(audience laughs)
292
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:50,850
- Jessie what?
293
00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,350
- Hey, I saw it with
my own two eyes.
294
00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:54,290
She entered the beauty pageant.
295
00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:56,190
She thinks she's got the
prettiest inner person
296
00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:57,320
in the school.
297
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,560
(audience laughs)
298
00:09:58,560 --> 00:09:59,790
- Well, let's see
if her inner person
299
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,400
can match my outer
person in a bikini.
300
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,230
(audience laughs)
301
00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:03,430
- Ooh, does that mean
302
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:04,360
you're gonna give
her some competition?
303
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,630
- You're darn right I am.
304
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,740
- Great, having a beauty
contest with you, Kelly,
305
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:10,910
is like having snap and
crackle without the pop.
306
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:11,840
(audience laughs)
307
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,010
- Hey, guys, what's up?
308
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:16,110
- Nothing much, except
that the Miss Bayside
309
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,810
has become a real contest.
310
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:19,910
Now that Jessie
and Kelly are in.
311
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:20,920
- What?
312
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:21,820
Kelly, you're in?
313
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:23,080
(audience laughs)
314
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,220
- Yeah, and I don't
want you to feel bad
315
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:25,920
about backing Screech
instead of me.
316
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:26,820
- No hard feelings?
317
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:28,060
- Well, of course not.
318
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,890
And, until the pageant
is over, no more dates.
319
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,730
(audience laughs)
320
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,000
(curious notes)
321
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,700
(audience laughs)
322
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:45,770
- Kelly, could you hand
me my towel, please?
323
00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:47,270
- Sure.
324
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,940
(audience laughs)
325
00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:50,310
- [Audience] Ooh.
326
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,150
- What does that mean?
327
00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,480
- It means you're a hypocrite,
328
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,650
talking me out of the pageant,
329
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,690
then you enter it yourself.
330
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,090
- Excuse me, but I'm in
331
00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:01,120
because the politics
behind it changed.
332
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,460
But I wouldn't expect
you to grasp that.
333
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,030
Your understanding of politics
334
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:07,660
is limited to who won the
election on Sesame Street.
335
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:08,730
(audience laughs)
336
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,330
- [Audience] Ooh.
337
00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:11,870
- Can you believe this snob?
338
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:14,070
- I can't believe you,
Kelly-come-lately.
339
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:15,600
- Me?!
340
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,070
- Oh, it's not enough for you
to be homecoming queen, is it?
341
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,410
You have to butt into the
pageant to try to upstage me.
342
00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:20,880
Well, I've got news for you,
343
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,280
this is one beauty pageant
you are not gonna win.
344
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,680
- [Audience] Ooh.
345
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,920
- It is not a beauty
contest anymore.
346
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,820
- That's right, you entered it.
347
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:32,790
(audience laughs)
348
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:33,990
- Watch it, cheerleader.
349
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:35,320
- Watch it, egghead.
350
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,160
(Kelly and Jessie arguing)
351
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:36,990
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
352
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,860
Wait a minute.
353
00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,160
What are we getting
so upset for?
354
00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,960
We are up against Screech.
355
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:48,270
(all laughing)
356
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:54,010
- Alright, rehearsals for the
talent competition, let's go.
357
00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:54,940
Come on, everybody.
358
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,610
Jeanie Tyler, you're up first.
359
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,850
(drum roll)
360
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:07,790
(bright, rhythmic music)
361
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:22,500
(audience laughs)
362
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,810
(calm piano music)
363
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,870
(violin)
364
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:32,410
(audience laughs)
365
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:54,270
(students applaud)
366
00:12:54,270 --> 00:12:55,940
(new age music)
367
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:59,170
- The caterpillar
emerges from a cocoon.
368
00:12:59,180 --> 00:13:00,110
(audience laughs)
369
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:00,940
And takes a look
at her new body.
370
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:03,840
Now she is a butterfly.
371
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:07,150
Now she has wings.
372
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:08,720
And now she can fly!
373
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,890
(audience laughs)
374
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:17,390
(audience laughs)
375
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:19,290
- Screech's chances
look better than ever.
376
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,400
- Hey, just wait till
you hear Kelly sing.
377
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,360
She's got a voice like a bird.
378
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:24,200
Watch.
379
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:29,500
(playful piano)
380
00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:30,440
(Kelly singing badly)
381
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,610
♪ Blue moon ♪
382
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:33,570
(audience laughs)
383
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,740
♪ You saw me standing alone ♪
384
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:40,610
♪ Without a dream in my heart ♪
385
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:45,620
♪ Without a love of my own ♪
386
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,220
(audience laughs)
387
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:50,860
- I didn't say what bird.
388
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,690
(audience laughs)
389
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,600
- Okay, next,
390
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,030
the Great Screechini.
391
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,240
(mysterious music)
392
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,270
(students applaud)
393
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:05,170
- Thank you, Zack.
394
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,210
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
395
00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:08,810
to the wonderful world of magic.
396
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,550
And now allow me to present
my wonderful assistant, Kevin.
397
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,680
(audience laughs)
398
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,620
Kevin, you're all dressed up.
399
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,960
- I got a date with
RoboCop's kid sister.
400
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,020
(audience laughs)
401
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,760
- I'll do the jokes.
402
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,330
- Hey, boss, I
gotta blow my nose,
403
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,560
and I don't have a handkerchief.
404
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,160
Can I borrow yours?
405
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:30,660
- This is very unprofessional.
406
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:32,930
(audience laughs)
407
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:33,870
- You wanna hurry it up?
408
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:35,740
I feel a sneezing fit coming on.
409
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:36,970
Ahhhh, ahhhhhh,
410
00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:39,340
achoo!
411
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,910
(audience laughs)
412
00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,510
- Gesundheit.
413
00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:44,180
- Make that check
payable to Zackary--
414
00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:45,950
- We'll see about that, preppy.
415
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,850
(drumming)
416
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:55,060
(audience oohing)
417
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,840
(audience cheers)
418
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,010
- What are you doing?
419
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,110
- Hey, if a guy is
gonna win this pageant,
420
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:18,550
it's gonna be me.
421
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:19,810
I'm in, preppy.
422
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:22,380
(upbeat music)
423
00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:27,420
(playful music)
424
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,960
- Face it, Zack, now
that Slater's entered,
425
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,830
I don't stand a chance.
426
00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:35,760
- Hey, you're wrong, Screech.
427
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,770
Take away his looks, his
muscles, and his smile,
428
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:39,830
and what's left?
429
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:40,970
- Me?
430
00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,470
(audience laughs)
431
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:44,410
- Listen, Slater never would
have entered this contest
432
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:45,540
if it weren't for you.
433
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:46,770
Now you're gonna sit back
434
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:47,980
and let him steal the
credit you deserve?
435
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,580
- Well, what can I do?
436
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:54,180
- Get back in there and fight.
437
00:15:54,180 --> 00:15:55,620
- Ow.
(audience laughs)
438
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:56,880
- Whoops.
439
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,220
Sorry, boss, I think
I gave ya a shiner.
440
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,920
(audience laughs)
441
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:03,320
- Oh, no.
442
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,130
Look at my eye.
443
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,330
I'll never win a
beauty pageant now.
444
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,070
- Oh, yeah?
445
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:15,100
That's what you think.
446
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,540
Hey, guys, did you hear
about Slater and Screech?
447
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,640
- Yeah, they both did great
at the talent rehearsal.
448
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:20,570
- That's old news.
449
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,080
I mean Screech's black eye.
450
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,840
- Slater gave
Screech a black eye?
451
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,950
- You're kidding?!
452
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:25,880
(audience laughs)
453
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,480
Slater gave Screech a black eye?
454
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,650
- Did you hear what Slater
did to Screech last night?
455
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:31,120
- What?
- What?
456
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,590
- Slater dropped Screech
off the roof of the school.
457
00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,460
- No kidding?
- No kidding?
458
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,960
(audience laughs)
459
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,660
- Did you hear Screech was
in surgery for eight hours?
460
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,290
- I know, he's still
in intensive care.
461
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:40,460
(audience laughs)
462
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:41,300
- A.C. Slater
should be locked up.
463
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,900
(audience laughs)
464
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,760
- [Twins] Did you hear
Screech is on life support?
465
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,270
- Yeah, but the brave little guy
466
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:48,000
still wants to compete
in the pageant.
467
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,900
If the hospital lets
him out on time.
468
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:50,840
(audience laughs)
469
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,140
- [Twins] Wow.
470
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,570
(audience laughs)
471
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,080
- Thank you.
472
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,310
And now, continuing with
our swimsuit competition.
473
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,750
Next up is Jeanie Tyler.
474
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,680
(students applaud)
475
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:05,990
Thank you, Jeanie.
476
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,990
Our next contestant
is Kelly Kapowski.
477
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:14,230
(students applauding
and cheering)
478
00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:17,000
Kelly's our head cheerleader.
479
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
She's used to leading cheers,
480
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,430
but now she's receiving them.
481
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,100
(students applauding
and cheering)
482
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:22,940
Thanks, Kelly.
483
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,470
Our next contestant
is Jessie Spano.
484
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,840
(light applause)
485
00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:31,410
Where is your swimsuit, Jessie?
486
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:34,750
- I don't believe a
woman should be displayed
487
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:36,480
like a side of beef.
488
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,120
(girls applaud and cheer)
489
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,550
However, I am wearing
a swimsuit underneath,
490
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,620
and for those of you who
enjoy that sort of thing,
491
00:17:42,620 --> 00:17:44,430
it's blue with
pink stripes, okay?
492
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,230
(audience laughs)
493
00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:53,530
- Next, uh, a different look
for this year's competition.
494
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,440
A.C. Slater.
495
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,140
(audience laughs)
496
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:08,280
(audience laughs)
497
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,790
- Gee, I wonder why
they don't like him.
498
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:16,920
- Okay.
499
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,690
Thank you very
much, A.C. Slater.
500
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,600
Next, Samuel Powers.
501
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,800
Better known to all
of you as Screech.
502
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:33,540
(students applauding
and cheering)
503
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:36,440
(triumphant music)
504
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,080
- I think they like him.
505
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:48,120
- Alright, now for our finalist
in the Miss Bayside pageant.
506
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,920
The winner will go
on to Sacramento
507
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:53,090
to compete for the title of
Miss High School California.
508
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:53,930
(audience laughs)
509
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:54,890
Each girl
510
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,160
(Screech clears his throat)
511
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,630
or guy
512
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,570
will answer one
question and give her
513
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,900
or his answer.
514
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,700
Are you ready, Jeanie Tyler?
515
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,440
- Yes.
516
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,980
That was an easy question.
517
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,810
(audience laughs)
518
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,520
- Well, thank you, Jeanie.
519
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,650
Next, Kelly Kapowski.
520
00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:21,890
(students applauding
and cheering)
521
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,760
Kelly, what do you
think we can do
522
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,990
to make this a more
peaceful world?
523
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,900
- I don't think it's
enough to believe in peace.
524
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,870
You have to cheer it along, like
525
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,700
♪ Give me a P, E, A, C, E ♪
526
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,740
♪ P-E-A-C-E, yay, peace ♪
527
00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:42,380
(students applauding
and cheering)
528
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,210
- Thank you, Kelly.
529
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,550
Next, Lisa Turtle.
530
00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:49,950
(students applauding)
531
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,890
Do you think beauty
pageants are out of touch
532
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,890
with today's changing woman?
533
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,290
- No, I don't.
534
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:57,420
I think beauty
should be appreciated
535
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,960
wherever you can find it.
536
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,160
There are so many terrible
things in the world today.
537
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,900
Why not have a pageant
that makes you feel good?
538
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,230
(audience laughs)
(students applaud)
539
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,130
- Thank you, Lisa.
540
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:12,070
And now for our final
contestant for Miss Bayside,
541
00:20:12,070 --> 00:20:14,770
Miss-ter Samuel Powers.
542
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,580
(audience laughs)
543
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,510
(students applauding
and cheering)
544
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,680
Alright.
545
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,620
What have you learned
from competing
546
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:24,120
in the Miss Bayside pageant?
547
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,160
(wistful music)
548
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,860
- Well, I've learned that
every geek can have his day.
549
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:34,490
Tonight, hundreds of my fellow
students cheered for me.
550
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,760
I never felt so
proud in my life.
551
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,800
But it's time for me to
stop thinking about myself.
552
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,370
- I don't like this.
553
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:42,800
(audience laughs)
554
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,100
- If you choose me,
there's no way Miss Bayside
555
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,910
could possibly win Miss
High School California.
556
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:48,070
I mean, any of these
girls would be better.
557
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,510
So please, don't vote for me.
558
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,910
- [Audience] Aww.
559
00:20:56,850 --> 00:20:58,390
- Now that's inner beauty.
560
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,320
- Don't listen to him!
561
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,620
He's still on medication!
562
00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:03,890
(audience laughs)
563
00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:07,060
- Alright, this
is the big moment.
564
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,230
Good luck, everyone.
565
00:21:10,130 --> 00:21:12,870
The new Miss Bayside is
566
00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:14,600
the lovely,
567
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,740
the beautiful,
568
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:21,070
Screech.
(audience laughs)
569
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:25,310
(students applauding
and cheering)
570
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:27,850
- I don't believe it.
571
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,520
I lost to a teenage mutant dork?
572
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:35,860
(Zack laughs)
573
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:37,290
- Okay, well, here you go.
574
00:21:37,290 --> 00:21:39,660
Here's your 50 bucks.
575
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:40,960
- Eh, keep your money.
576
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,660
It wasn't a fair fight.
577
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:45,730
I started a rumor that you
gave Screech that black eye.
578
00:21:45,730 --> 00:21:47,000
- What?
579
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,900
Oh, so that's why no one
cheered for me, then.
580
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:50,470
- Yeah, you wouldn't
have won anyway.
581
00:21:50,470 --> 00:21:51,710
Besides, have you ever seen
582
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,570
a more beautiful Miss
Bayside than that?
583
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:55,580
- Never.
584
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:58,450
(wistful music)
585
00:21:58,450 --> 00:22:03,280
♪ Say, isn't she, he, charming ♪
586
00:22:04,050 --> 00:22:07,890
♪ Isn't he a pearl ♪
587
00:22:07,890 --> 00:22:12,330
♪ Lovely, disarming ♪
588
00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:17,160
♪ Not even a girl ♪
589
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:21,540
♪ He's bursting with beauty ♪
590
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:26,310
♪ And now it's my duty ♪
591
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:30,140
♪ To present to you with pride ♪
592
00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:35,150
♪ The very first
Mister Miss Bayside ♪
593
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,520
(audience applauds and cheers)
594
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,120
(upbeat music)
595
00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:51,400
(upbeat music)
39889
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