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- guys with kidsis taped in
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Front of a live studio audience.
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- hey! Hey...
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Babe, the place looks great
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For your parents' visit.
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Wow.
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Got your mom some flowers.
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She loves me.
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Ha ha.
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She did a painting of me
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In her art class.
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She called it "My sugar."
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- oh, I know.
14
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But unfortunately,
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My mom's not gonna be able
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To make it this time.
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- what?
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No vivian?
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But your dad is receiving
20
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An award from his law school.
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How--how could
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She do this to him?
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And me?
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You know I can't handle
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Your father without your mother.
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- gary, I don't know
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How many times
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I have to tell you this,
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Baby.
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My dad loves you.
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It's all in your head,
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Like how you think
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The gap purposefully makes jeans
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That don't look good on you.
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- baby, whenever
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I'm with your father
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I can feel his contempt.
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Then I get self-conscious,
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And then my hands
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Start moving around
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Like they took a tai chi class
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And didn't tell me about it.
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Where's vivian?
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How could she do this to me?
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Vivian!
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- see, right there.
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That's the problem.
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- what?
49
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- you're always hiding
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Behind my mom.
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You've never really made
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An effort to connect with him.
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He has a lot
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Of great interests.
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He loves boats,
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Anything to do
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With the space program.
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Baby, this is
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The perfect opportunity
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For you two to bond.
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My dad's got
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A tough demeanor, yes,
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But underneath all that
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He's a sweetheart.
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- all right, how long
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Is he coming for?
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- five days.
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- five days!
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Vivian!
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- * why would you walk
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When you can run? *
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- * everybody singin' *
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- * why would you walk
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When you can run? *
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- I've come to return
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Your jogging stroller.
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It turns out our clothes dry
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Much faster on the treadmill.
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- how was your date
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The other day?
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Was she aggressive?
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'cause I hear single girls
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Are really aggressive
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These days.
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- how come you never ask me
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About my dates?
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- actually,
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She bailed on me,
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But I already had the tickets,
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So I took--
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- me.
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- no!
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Chris, when it scratches
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On the door,
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You're not supposed
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To let it in.
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- you make marshmallows
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Look tan.
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- your ex-wife was your date
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To the concert?
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- relax, it was not a date.
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- yeah, definitely not.
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- did you share a cab?
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- we live
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In the same building.
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- did you take her to dinner?
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- we both had to eat.
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- did you walk her
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To her door?
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- uh...
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- did you or did you not
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Walk her to her door?
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- oh, my god!
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- we went on a date!
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- why would you guys
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Do that?
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- I don't know.
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It wasn't intentional.
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Dating is hard.
120
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- yeah,
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Men are intimidated by me.
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Is it my brains?
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My courage?
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Both?
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- okay, chris,
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Let us set you up.
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- yes,
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We are great matchmakers.
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Oh, and, sheila, we might know
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Someone for you too.
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- oh, that's nice,
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But I don't know
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How you would know
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Someone I'd like.
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- you already tried this
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In college, nick.
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You set me up five times.
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Each time, the woman
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Was well over 6 feet tall.
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- those were jokes.
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They were joke dates.
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And you gotta admit,
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As they got taller,
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It got funnier.
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- all right,
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This is serious.
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We will not let you down.
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- okay, but nobody
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Over 6'5" this time, got it?
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- I mean, quite honestly,
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If it's funny,
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I'm gonna do it.
153
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- grandpa, I feel it.
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I feel the bullet.
155
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- me too.
156
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Why did that man shoot you?
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- a couple of reasons.
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I'm a judge,
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And someone unplugged
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The metal detector
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So they could charge
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Their iphone.
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- aunt emily,
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You have to feel the bullet.
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Come on, do it!
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- oh, that's so cool!
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- look at him,
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Letting our friends
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Touch his leg.
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There's nothing
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To be afraid of.
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You said you would
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Talk to him.
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Talk to him.
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- so, judge, you pick up
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That new boating magazine?
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You know, there's a--
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There's a big article in there
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About, uh...
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Um, boats.
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- huh?
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- nothing.
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- what was that?
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- I promised her I'd make
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An effort towards her father
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Even though
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I know he hates me.
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- he doesn't hate you.
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Guys, would you please
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Talk some sense into him?
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- oh, yeah, I mean,
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Marny's right,
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The judge is great.
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He sent me a birthday card.
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It said "Have a good one."
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And I did,
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Thanks to that card.
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- okay, I got this.
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All right.
200
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Uh...
201
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,539
How 'bout that guy
202
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That jumped from outer space?
203
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,843
- what guy is that, gary?
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- uh, you know, the guy--
205
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:13,113
He, uh...
206
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You know, he went up
207
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,848
On that balloon,
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00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,283
And he just went up
209
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,283
And then...
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Pffft.
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- he wasn't in space.
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He was at the edge
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Of the atmosphere.
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If he had been in space,
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He would have floated away,
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Right?
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- uh, yeah.
218
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Yeah, I guess.
219
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,534
Uh...
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Houston,
221
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We have a problem.
222
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That's space talk, right?
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You ever been to houston?
224
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I hear it's muggy.
225
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- uh, come on, baby.
226
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,316
Let's go check on dinner.
227
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,621
Let's not hit him with
228
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Too much gary all at once.
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- chris, since
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The last time I saw you,
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I hear you made partner.
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00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,859
- yeah, that's true.
233
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,362
And not to brag, but I am
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The 37th-youngest person
235
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,640
At my firm to have done so.
236
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,366
- a lawyer
237
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,366
And a commercial director.
238
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,535
Because of that ad
239
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,535
You made, nick,
240
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,804
I switched from soap
241
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,804
To body wash.
242
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,739
- I'm just glad
243
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You're thinking about me
244
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In the shower, judge.
245
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,378
- well, you guys
246
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,378
Are doing great.
247
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Professional,
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Hardworking fathers.
249
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,615
- well, we take
250
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,615
Our inspiration from gary.
251
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Hardest-working father
252
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:25,151
We know.
253
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,870
- that was an amazing segue.
254
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,190
I was working on something.
255
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,190
You got there in one move.
256
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,392
- I hear there's water
257
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,392
On mars now,
258
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,961
So I guess
259
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,961
They'll be needing boats.
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- ten years
261
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,536
And I still don't get him.
262
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Just one time,
263
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,105
I'd like to visit
264
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,974
Without that guy
265
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Staring at me.
266
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,647
- sir, if I could
267
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Be honest with you,
268
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:57,851
I think that gary's
269
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:57,851
Just nervous around you.
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00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,519
He's got this crazy idea
271
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In his head
272
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:02,756
That for some reason,
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You just don't like him.
274
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:05,592
- he's right.
275
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:05,592
I don't like him.
276
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,280
- you don't?
277
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,280
- I just don't respect him.
278
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:09,796
- but, sir,
279
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:09,796
Gary is an amazing--
280
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,598
- ah, don't try
281
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,598
And change my mind.
282
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,733
It was my job for 30 years
283
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,733
To judge people.
284
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,802
I know what I'm doing.
285
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:19,439
My verdict on gary:
286
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:19,439
He's not much of a man.
287
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,141
- now how can you say that?
288
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:24,177
- all right, who's hungry?
289
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,788
- my dad actually said
290
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,788
That he doesn't like gary?
291
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:38,825
- and has no respect
292
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:38,825
For him. None.
293
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,261
What?
294
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,261
That's the new information.
295
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,629
- that can't be right.
296
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,597
- it is right.
297
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,597
- no.
298
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,599
- you have a blind spot
299
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,599
Where your father's concerned.
300
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,601
He can do no wrong
301
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,601
In your eyes.
302
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,710
Other people shoot him,
303
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,710
You know?
304
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,473
- he cannot treat you
305
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,473
This way.
306
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,675
I'm going over
307
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,675
To his hotel room right now
308
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,243
To set him straight.
309
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,812
- oh, yeah,
310
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,812
He'll respect me more
311
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,380
If you run over there
312
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,380
And tell pop-pop
313
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,449
He made a boo-boo
314
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,449
On my feelings.
315
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,184
All right, you know,
316
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,120
I'd love to see him handle
317
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,120
Four screaming kids.
318
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,488
- now there's an idea.
319
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,457
Stick him with all four
320
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,457
Of your kids for ten minutes,
321
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,825
He's gonna want to take
322
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,825
That bullet out of his leg
323
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,462
And put it in his head.
324
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:20,500
- I am telling you,
325
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:20,500
Jess from my spin class
326
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,680
Is the perfect girl
327
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,680
For chris.
328
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,672
They both say things
329
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,672
Are "Too funny."
330
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,874
- I already have
331
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,874
The perfect girl for chris,
332
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,609
Erica from work.
333
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:32,479
And why would your erica
334
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:32,479
Be better than my jess?
335
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,481
Jess drives a car
336
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,481
That runs on vegetable oil.
337
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,751
That is very interesting.
338
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,452
- because I have a gift.
339
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,155
Admit it, I am the real
340
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,155
Matchmaker between us.
341
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,556
- where did
342
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,556
You get that from?
343
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,730
- ahh!
344
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,766
Ahh!
345
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,534
- okay, you think
346
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,534
It's all you?
347
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,637
How 'bout we set chris up
348
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,637
With both jess and erica
349
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,372
And see how each date goes?
350
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,442
Then we can determine
351
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,442
Who the real matchmaker is.
352
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,544
- oh, it's on.
353
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,544
What are the rules?
354
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,812
- two identical dates.
355
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,480
Same restaurant,
356
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,480
Same table, same seats.
357
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,282
We attend both.
358
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,184
- chris pays.
359
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,184
We're lending him our talent.
360
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,652
- absolutely.
361
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,688
If the date
362
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,688
Touches his arm,
363
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,555
That's two points.
364
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,691
- oh, a point structure.
365
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,691
I like that.
366
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,226
- if she touches his leg,
367
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,226
That's five points.
368
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,262
First base, 15.
369
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,897
- ooh.
370
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,900
How many points would
371
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,900
Our first date have been?
372
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:31,338
- like, 1,000.
373
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:35,709
- eh, don't feel bad.
374
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:35,709
We knew.
375
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,546
- [laughs]
376
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,315
Thank you so much
377
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,315
For getting us together.
378
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,452
- oh, it's just
379
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,452
What a great matchmaker does.
380
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,187
- I can't believe we both
381
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,187
Went to camp oscawana.
382
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,189
- who knew we had
383
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,189
So much in common?
384
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,591
- I did.
385
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,591
I knew.
386
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:53,526
Did you know chris' pants
387
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,595
Are a blend
388
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,595
Of wool and cashmere?
389
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,597
- wow.
390
00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:01,601
- touched the knee.
391
00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:01,601
five points, moi.
392
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,837
- did you know
393
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,837
That chris has a kid
394
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,538
That he loves
395
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,538
More than anyone?
396
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,841
Are you comfortable never being
397
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,841
More than a distant second
398
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,443
In his heart?
399
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,846
- I get it.
400
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,846
I'm a single parent too.
401
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,348
My little cutie-pie's name
402
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,348
Is doug.
403
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,217
- oh, my son is ernie.
404
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,518
How old is doug?
405
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,587
- 41.
406
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,223
- 41?
407
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,425
- in cat years.
408
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,893
- doug is a cat.
409
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,496
- doug is a cat.
410
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,496
Doug is a cat!
411
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,797
Yes, that you think
412
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,797
Is a baby.
413
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,465
Okay, I love this.
414
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,434
Yes, tell me everything
415
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,434
About doug.
416
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,336
Do you have pictures?
417
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,637
- yes.
418
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,239
Here's doug
419
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,239
At the renaissance fair.
420
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,675
- renaissance fair!
421
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,645
- he's in
422
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,645
A tiny suit of armor.
423
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,448
- no!
424
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,883
How many points is that?
425
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:52,652
- negative ten.
426
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:52,652
- negative ten.
427
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,988
- meow, meow.
428
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,988
Meow, meow.
429
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:56,923
Meow, meow, meow.
430
00:10:56,956 --> 00:11:00,460
- there is no bottom
431
00:10:56,956 --> 00:11:00,460
In sight.
432
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,634
- how long you gonna leave
433
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,634
My dad alone with the kids?
434
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,336
- uh, an hour should do it.
435
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,671
- make it two.
436
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,841
I wanna teach him
437
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,841
No one hates my husband.
438
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:16,676
- hmm.
439
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,878
- except for natalie
440
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,878
At the park.
441
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,247
- hey, if you don't
442
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,247
Discipline your child,
443
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,615
I will do it for you.
444
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,317
- all right.
445
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,552
- mwah.
446
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,687
[chuckles]
447
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:32,359
So just me and you.
448
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,828
Oh, no, I forgot.
449
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,696
I thought we were gonna
450
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,696
Have such a great time
451
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:40,433
To talk about space boats,
452
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,102
But I realize I have
453
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,102
To get diapers for the kids,
454
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,837
Which means I'm gonna have
455
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,837
To take all four kids,
456
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,705
And it's cold out, which means
457
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,705
The kids will get sick,
458
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,707
Then I'll get sick,
459
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,707
Then marny gets sick,
460
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,609
Then you'll get sick,
461
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:53,613
And there's no solution
462
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:53,613
To this problem.
463
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,448
- you want me to babysit
464
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,448
The kids for you?
465
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,170
- you think
466
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,170
You can handle that?
467
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,486
- yes, I think
468
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,486
I can handle it.
469
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,550
- okay, great.
470
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,550
There you go.
471
00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:04,724
Ah, come on,
472
00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:04,724
Let's go up there.
473
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,727
And another one.
474
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,727
Collect 'em all.
475
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,729
All right, come over here
476
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,729
And talk to my boys
477
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,640
And let them know how
478
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,640
I expect them to behave
479
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,932
While I'm gone.
480
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,468
Listen, boys, I'm leaving you
481
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,468
Here with your grandfather,
482
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,970
And this is
483
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,970
What I need you to do.
484
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,741
I'm gonna need you
485
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,741
To eat all of this sugar.
486
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,109
All right?
487
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,844
I'm gonna need you to be
488
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,844
On your worst behavior.
489
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,713
I mean, I'm talking at
490
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,713
Your cousin's baptism behavior.
491
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,947
You got it?
492
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,716
All right, eat up.
493
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,752
All right.
494
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,752
Oh, one last thing.
495
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,354
These are bad
496
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,354
For their teeth.
497
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,689
[babies crying]
498
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,590
- wait, wait, wait, gary.
499
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,759
- sorry, diapers.
500
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,759
Nope. Bye.
501
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:40,894
Have fun!
502
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,950
- whoo!
503
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:43,763
[babies crying]
504
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,499
- shh shh shh.
505
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,499
- agh!
506
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,867
[shouting]
507
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,507
- all right, all right,
508
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,507
Everybody calm down.
509
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,277
Leave your grand--
510
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,378
What's going on?
511
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,213
- nothing.
512
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,213
Everything's fine.
513
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,480
They've been
514
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,480
On their best behavior.
515
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:06,119
- you've been on your best
516
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:06,119
Behavior with your grandpa?
517
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,554
What did I tell you?
518
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,556
- we're sorry, dad.
519
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,556
We couldn't help it.
520
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,125
Grandpa's the best.
521
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,260
- you know what?
522
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,260
I will deal with you two later.
523
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,363
Come on, go.
524
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,431
- what was that all about?
525
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133
Why wouldn't you want them
526
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,102
To be on their
527
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,102
Best behavior with me?
528
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,803
- all right, fine,
529
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,406
Look, the truth is I wanted you
530
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,406
To see how hard it was
531
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,740
To be a stay-at-home dad.
532
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,760
- why would you do that?
533
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,411
- because
534
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,411
You don't respect me
535
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,780
Because I stay home
536
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,780
While your daughter works.
537
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,550
- wait, you think that's why
538
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,550
I don't respect you?
539
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,452
That's ridiculous.
540
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,454
The reason
541
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,454
I don't respect you
542
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:45,325
Is because
543
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:45,325
You don't respect me.
544
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,826
- what?
545
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,826
- you know what?
546
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,461
Vivian never wanted me
547
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,461
To say anything,
548
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:52,980
But she's not here,
549
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:52,980
So I'm just gonna do it.
550
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,300
You never came to me
551
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,104
And asked my permission
552
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,104
To marry my daughter,
553
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,106
Like a man should.
554
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,542
How can I respect that?
555
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,277
I'm going back
556
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,277
To my hotel room
557
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,147
And finish watching
558
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,147
(500) days of summer.
559
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:16,322
- I cannot believe you
560
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:16,322
Survived a shark attack.
561
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,158
- I've got 17 stitches
562
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,158
Under here
563
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,126
And another 30
564
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,126
Behind the knee.
565
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,327
- wow.
566
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,862
- peek under the shirt.
567
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,165
That's gotta be worth
568
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,165
At least 40 points.
569
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,867
- you know, I would just like
570
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,867
To make a toast to nick
571
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,602
For setting this all up.
572
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,472
- a toast.
573
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,472
Five points.
574
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,374
Plus a dreamy look.
575
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,374
That's another seven points.
576
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,310
Times two
577
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,310
For the combination.
578
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,812
- um, erica,
579
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,812
I have an extra ticket
580
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,580
to go see book of mormon
581
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,580
Next friday.
582
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,515
I was wondering if you'd
583
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,515
Like to come with me.
584
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:46,453
- oh, um, well, thanks,
585
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,454
But no.
586
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,556
- oh.
587
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,556
- what?
588
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,492
- tonight was nice, and you
589
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,492
Seem like a really great guy,
590
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,361
But I'm just
591
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,361
At that point in my life
592
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,960
Where I'm getting
593
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,960
A little older,
594
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:57,530
And I don't wanna waste time
595
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,466
And talk myself
596
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,466
Into things I don't want.
597
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,302
And the truth is,
598
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:06,339
You're just a little
599
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:06,339
Too hairy for me.
600
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,340
You know,
601
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,340
If you still want
602
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,420
to go to book of mormon
603
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,420
As friends...
604
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,577
- I do not.
605
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,479
- he could shave,
606
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,479
You know?
607
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,347
Let me take him home,
608
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,347
Shave him tonight,
609
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:18,151
We'll do this whole thing
610
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:18,151
Again tomorrow.
611
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:21,454
- game over.
612
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:21,454
Too hairy.
613
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,227
- how did it go?
614
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,227
[chuckles]
615
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,561
Were the kids merciless?
616
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,930
- no, we raised them
617
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,930
Too well.
618
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:34,670
They're only merciless
619
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:34,670
With us.
620
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,336
But I did
621
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,336
Get to the bottom of it.
622
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,710
Your dad doesn't like me
623
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,507
Because I never asked him
624
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,507
For permission to marry you.
625
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,542
- what?
626
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,542
- mm-hmm.
627
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,310
- that's crazy!
628
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,647
You didn't ask him
629
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,647
Because I told you not to.
630
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:50,583
I hate the idea of fathers
631
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:50,583
Marrying off their daughters.
632
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,686
He can't give me away.
633
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,722
I'm not a goat.
634
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,910
- no, you're not.
635
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:01,928
You're a tigress.
636
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,465
- gary, we are not
637
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,465
Having sex right now.
638
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,467
- eh, thought
639
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,467
I'd give it a shot.
640
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,136
You know, I'm feeling
641
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,136
A little frustrated.
642
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,572
- chris, come on.
643
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,572
We cannot figure out the points.
644
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,740
Help us settle this thing.
645
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,576
Who won?
646
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,576
My girl, who you liked--
647
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:20,280
- who thinks
648
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:20,280
You're a sasquatch.
649
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,548
Or my girl--
650
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,249
- who texted you a photo
651
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:27,530
Of her pretending
652
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:27,530
To breast-feed her cat.
653
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,660
- guys, stop, okay?
654
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,629
Nobody won tonight,
655
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,629
And the only loser here is me.
656
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,331
So I'm glad
657
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,331
That you have each other
658
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,733
And that you're having fun
659
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,733
With my life,
660
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,303
But I'm not.
661
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,506
- wow.
662
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:52,780
You're really
663
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:52,780
Bumming me out right now.
664
00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,280
- chris, we are so sorry.
665
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,749
You are absolutely right.
666
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,685
We do want you to find someone
667
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,685
That makes you happy.
668
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,154
- thank you.
669
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,623
- we do. We do.
670
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,392
But I also want you
671
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,392
To find someone
672
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,460
That will benefit me
673
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,460
In some way,
674
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,195
Like a doctor
675
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,195
Or a local bartender.
676
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,265
You know, I cannot pay $20
677
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,265
For a drink anymore.
678
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,733
I won't pay $20.
679
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,309
[knock at door]
680
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,648
- all right, I'm here.
681
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:31,317
What couldn't you
682
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:31,317
Have told me on the phone?
683
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,220
- I'm taking you on a journey
684
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,220
Back to 2002.
685
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,655
[outkast's hey yaplaying]
686
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:36,756
- * my baby
687
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:36,756
Don't mess around *
688
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:37,891
* because she loves me so *
689
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:41,610
* and this I know for sure *
690
00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:42,729
- gary, what's going on?
691
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,230
Where's marny?
692
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,230
Where are the kids?
693
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,732
- well, I don't have
694
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,732
Any kids.
695
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,734
Marny and I
696
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,734
Aren't even married yet.
697
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,269
It's 2002, remember?
698
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,720
Jimmy carter just won
699
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,720
The nobel peace prize,
700
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,807
We lost
701
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,807
Musician joe strummer,
702
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,343
And I'm ten years away
703
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,343
From looking up those facts
704
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,745
On wikipedia.
705
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,814
- is there a point
706
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,814
You're trying to make?
707
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,480
- yes.
708
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:03,717
I'm going back to the year
709
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,585
That I fell madly in love
710
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,585
With your daughter,
711
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,255
A remarkable woman whose
712
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,255
Mix of brains and attitude
713
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,691
Scared the crap outta me.
714
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:15,595
But I knew I had
715
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:15,595
To make her my wife.
716
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:16,730
- uh-huh.
717
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,980
Go on.
718
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,101
- well, mr. Baines,
719
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,101
As you know,
720
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,103
Marny and I
721
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,103
Are getting pretty serious,
722
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,938
So I reckon that one day--
723
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:28,108
- you reckon?
724
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,777
- come on, man,
725
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,777
I've never done this before.
726
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,613
- I know.
727
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,619
- sir, I love your daughter.
728
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,388
She's my best friend,
729
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,289
And I'm a better person
730
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,289
With her in my life,
731
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,658
And I will do
732
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,658
Everything within my power
733
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,961
To keep her safe and happy.
734
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:53,266
So I'm here to ask
735
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:53,266
For her hand in marriage.
736
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,336
Mr. Baines,
737
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,336
Will you grant me permission
738
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,139
To marry your daughter?
739
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,308
- [sighs]
740
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,143
No.
741
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,812
- come on, man,
742
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,812
What do you mean no?
743
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,280
- no.
744
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,280
- no?
745
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,160
- hey, hey.
746
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,160
What's going on here?
747
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,520
- I just asked your father
748
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,520
Permission to marry you
749
00:19:12,850 --> 00:19:13,753
And he told me no.
750
00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:16,423
- gary, I told you
751
00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:16,423
I didn't want you
752
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,158
To ask for his permission.
753
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:21,428
Not then, not now,
754
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:21,428
Not ever.
755
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,830
- wait, you told him
756
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,830
Not to ask me?
757
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,670
- yeah.
758
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,670
I'm not yours to give away.
759
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:30,170
I'm not a goat.
760
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,739
- no, she's a tigress.
761
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,911
- it's just
762
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,911
A sign of respect.
763
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,448
- dad, I'm sorry
764
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,448
That it hurt your feelings,
765
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,185
But it's not
766
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,185
What I wanted.
767
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,454
What I admire
768
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,454
About you the most
769
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,356
Is that while you're
770
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,356
The very definition
771
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,324
Of old-fashioned,
772
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,193
You raised your daughters
773
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,329
To be as strong
774
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,329
And independent as any man.
775
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,864
- hmm.
776
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,366
- and I love you for that.
777
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,202
- well, I am a good father.
778
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,372
- the best.
779
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,407
- top two.
780
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,430
- gary...
781
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,379
You could have told me
782
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,379
She told you not to,
783
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,847
But you didn't,
784
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,383
Because you put
785
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,383
Marny's feelings over mine,
786
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:19,519
And I have to respect that.
787
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,821
- thank you.
788
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:25,358
So you like me now?
789
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,762
- I said I respect you now.
790
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,799
- that's good enough, dad.
791
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,801
- judge.
792
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,904
- judge dad?
793
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,406
- judge judge.
794
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,441
- I miss vivian.
795
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:45,445
You know, let's not
796
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:45,445
Leave her at home next time.
797
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,130
[knock at door]
798
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,130
- hey!
799
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:48,181
- hey!
800
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,830
Hey, come here.
801
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,830
Come here!
802
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,418
Yeah!
803
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,819
Ah.
804
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,819
[raspberries]
805
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,487
- now he has
806
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,487
A little cold tonight,
807
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:57,424
So have fun
808
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:57,424
Trying to get to sleep.
809
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,959
- still be more fun
810
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,959
Than my dates.
811
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:01,528
- oh, well, don't give up.
812
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,263
Remember our first date
813
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,263
Wasn't so great.
814
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,965
The picnic? Ew.
815
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:07,801
- that's right.
816
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,904
Oh, and then
817
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,904
We got divorced.
818
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,505
- listen, chris,
819
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,505
As hard as dating is,
820
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,207
We can't give up.
821
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,109
There is someone out there
822
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,109
Who will love you
823
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,844
The way you deserve.
824
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,379
- thanks.
825
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,248
- "And there's someone
826
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,248
Out there for you too,"
827
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,518
Is what you were
828
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,518
Supposed to say.
829
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,420
- um, there's somebody
830
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,420
Out there--
831
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,456
- okay, no, no, it's too late.
832
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,456
Have a good night.
833
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,491
Although you won't,
834
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:32,926
Because he also
835
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:32,926
Has a tooth coming in.
836
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,929
So bye-bye.
837
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,929
Ha ha.
838
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,834
[birds chirping]
48830
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