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1
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She's back!
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Ma'am?
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You have been here every morning
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00:00:12,829 --> 00:00:13,914
for the past two weeks.
5
00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:15,664
You're gonna need to buy something.
6
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Excuse me, but these are testers,
7
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- and I'm testing them.
- Well, you've tested
8
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that lipstick 14 times now.
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And I'm still making a decision.
10
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You and your friend need to leave.
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"My friend"?
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Okay, I'm leaving.
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synced and corrected by susinz
*www.addic7ed.com*
14
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Hey.
15
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,781
Fresh off watching "G.I. Jane?"
16
00:00:51,806 --> 00:00:53,206
No, gross.
17
00:00:53,231 --> 00:00:55,234
I hate when actresses
go bald for a role.
18
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It's like, we get it.
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You have a perfect skull.
20
00:00:57,869 --> 00:01:00,303
No, a bunch of girls from my
Bomb-Ass Femme Book Club
21
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,505
asked me to lead
their Wilderness Gals troop.
22
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,351
And as you know,
I am all about empowering
23
00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:05,734
and supporting women.
24
00:01:06,174 --> 00:01:07,818
Also, your foundation line is visible.
25
00:01:07,874 --> 00:01:09,562
- You look stupid.
- Oh!
26
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:10,867
Oh!
27
00:01:13,898 --> 00:01:15,198
Why are you doing that?
28
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- I have a clogged milk duct.
- Eww.
29
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,813
"Eww" doesn't even begin to cover it.
30
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My jug is gonna ache
like a son-of-a-bitch
31
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until I can massage it out.
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Ugh, I'm so sore
I couldn't put a bra on.
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I thought they were hanging low.
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I'm exhausted.
35
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Hagatha's colicky so she's not
sleeping through the night.
36
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Work was supposed to be
a vacation, but instead
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it's like I have two jobs
that severely underpay.
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Why don't you hire a night nurse?
39
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No. I feel guilty enough as it is
40
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leaving her during the day.
41
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I'm not gonna have someone else
take care of her at night.
42
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There's no shame in accepting help, Deb.
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I said no.
44
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I'd rather my post-partum
hair loss keep going
45
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until I'm full bald.
46
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She doesn't have the skull for it.
47
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Hey there, Baxter.
48
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You gonna have your
woodworking project ready
49
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- for tonight's meeting?
- I'm Diego.
50
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,122
Sorry, Diego.
51
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,124
Forgot to put my contacts in
this morning.
52
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,825
Hey, Mikey, don't forget you're doing
53
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,304
the flag ceremony tonight.
54
00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:09,773
That's Baxter.
55
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:11,962
Yep, nope, that sure is.
56
00:02:12,046 --> 00:02:13,070
Get out of here, guys.
57
00:02:13,095 --> 00:02:14,164
Come on, now.
58
00:02:15,311 --> 00:02:17,390
Oh, hey there. Wow, you're a tall one.
59
00:02:17,683 --> 00:02:20,161
- You enjoying the troop, buddy?
- What are you talking about?
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00:02:20,302 --> 00:02:21,515
I'm a woman.
61
00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:27,414
Wow.
62
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You certainly are.
63
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,584
Sorry, um, you must be the new leader
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00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,231
- of the Wilderness Gals.
- Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,488
I'm Kyle, the leader
of the Wilderness Guys.
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00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,757
- Chelsea.
- I really like
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what you've done with your uniform.
68
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Wouldn't work for me.
69
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,476
Hairy chest.
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00:02:45,437 --> 00:02:46,540
Well, you know what
71
00:02:46,564 --> 00:02:48,809
doesn't work for me is this doorstop.
72
00:02:48,882 --> 00:02:50,562
This thing is a total waste of time.
73
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,665
Who cares about surviving in the woods?
74
00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:54,687
The trees just get turned
into toilet paper.
75
00:02:54,712 --> 00:02:56,234
Well, actually, some of those skills
76
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,125
are really important.
You might not know this...
77
00:02:58,149 --> 00:03:00,398
Oh, please do not tell me
what I know and don't know.
78
00:03:00,423 --> 00:03:01,801
I already know what I don't know.
79
00:03:01,826 --> 00:03:03,637
- What happened here?
- And thank you.
80
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,742
Your mansplaining just made me realize
81
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,359
that I need to teach my girls
true survival skills.
82
00:03:09,863 --> 00:03:11,882
I am taking them to the urban jungle.
83
00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:14,484
The mall.
84
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,140
If I'm using a simile,
85
00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:23,969
I'd say "My pain is like
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00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,125
the fire of a thousand suns."
87
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:29,117
And if I'm using a metaphor,
88
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:32,177
I would say "My pain is"...
89
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,187
Finally.
90
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,656
Sorry, guys.
91
00:03:39,681 --> 00:03:41,481
My head was in the clouds...
92
00:03:41,506 --> 00:03:43,222
which is both an idiom
93
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,058
- and a metaphor.
- Mrs. Adler?
94
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,242
I think something is spilling
on your shirt
95
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:49,781
from the inside.
96
00:03:54,009 --> 00:03:56,703
- Not Jerry the Giraffe!
- It's the only thing
97
00:03:56,728 --> 00:03:58,661
in this classroom I can use!
98
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,156
There's nothing for me here!
99
00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:03,460
This life is a prison!
100
00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:07,542
And that was a metaphor.
101
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:12,618
Well, Jessica, I'm sorry
your little brother ruined
102
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:16,054
your American Girl doll,
but don't take it personally.
103
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,132
Toddlers just don't understand
what they can
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00:04:18,157 --> 00:04:19,429
and can't wipe with.
105
00:04:20,131 --> 00:04:21,597
Who would like to go next?
106
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,596
- Yes, Preston.
- We had a going-away party
107
00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:25,796
for my math tutor.
108
00:04:25,821 --> 00:04:27,921
She got a job as a girlfriend in Dubai.
109
00:04:27,946 --> 00:04:29,312
Dubai?
110
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,082
- That sounds pretty good.
- Then yesterday I went
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00:04:32,107 --> 00:04:34,046
- to my father's polo match.
- Was the match
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00:04:34,071 --> 00:04:35,248
at Crescent Ridge?
113
00:04:35,321 --> 00:04:37,242
I used to belong to that country club!
114
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,351
I had no idea you were rich.
115
00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:42,125
Tell me, does André still work there?
116
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,757
Will he ever leave?
117
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,332
You don't have to tell us
about your weekend, Ashley.
118
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,046
You went to a sleepover, you have a dog,
119
00:04:51,071 --> 00:04:52,703
blah, blah, blah. We know.
120
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,046
So, your math tutor left.
121
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,305
Are you still looking for a new one?
122
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:58,547
Because I could do it.
I could tutor you.
123
00:04:58,571 --> 00:04:59,649
We could do it at Crescent Ridge.
124
00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:00,773
That would be great.
125
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,389
Do they still have a strict dress code?
126
00:05:03,414 --> 00:05:04,976
Oh, yes.
127
00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:08,805
Okay, everyone, announcement:
128
00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:11,507
tomorrow, we are having
a clothing drive.
129
00:05:11,648 --> 00:05:14,311
Cashmere, silks, and furs only.
130
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,690
And nothing older than last season.
131
00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:17,335
That's just offensive.
132
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,773
To the poor.
133
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:36,266
Oh, don't look at me!
134
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,535
- I'm a monster!
- Oh, no.
135
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:39,836
You're just tired.
136
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:42,039
Once you get some rest
you'll feel better.
137
00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:43,774
There's no rest!
138
00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:46,777
Once I get home I've got
to cook something nutritious
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00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:49,846
and clean like a thousand bottle nipples
140
00:05:49,915 --> 00:05:52,516
and, you know, keep Hagatha alive.
141
00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:54,362
I know you said
you didn't want any help,
142
00:05:54,386 --> 00:05:55,804
but I'm not a nanny.
143
00:05:55,914 --> 00:05:57,421
I'm a friend.
144
00:05:57,489 --> 00:05:59,409
A friend who used to be a nanny.
145
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:00,935
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
146
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:03,117
How about I email you my references?
147
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:05,554
Oh...
148
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,332
Why don't I help out
for a few hours after school?
149
00:06:10,518 --> 00:06:11,726
You know what?
150
00:06:12,109 --> 00:06:14,504
I don't know what dignity
I'm holding onto.
151
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,070
Sure.
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00:06:19,273 --> 00:06:20,812
Where did that come from?
153
00:06:21,313 --> 00:06:22,640
Doesn't matter.
154
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:27,295
You are each receiving
a pamphlet written by moi...
155
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:28,968
Designed and photo-copied by moi...
156
00:06:28,993 --> 00:06:30,031
Mary Louise. Sorry.
157
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,071
You are only here to prove
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00:06:31,095 --> 00:06:32,710
that women can have secretaries too.
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00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:36,493
This pamphlet contains
information on how to recognize
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00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,895
and survive sexism in the wild.
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00:06:38,964 --> 00:06:41,364
Every day, women are minimized,
degraded,
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00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,898
and condescended to.
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00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,242
Just look at what happened
to Anne Hathaway.
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00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:47,515
- Who's Anne Hathaway?
- Exactly.
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00:06:47,765 --> 00:06:49,973
Today, as we walk through
the mall, we will identify
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00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,342
any forms of sexism you see at play.
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00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:53,632
Follow me.
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00:06:54,757 --> 00:06:56,039
Shh.
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00:06:56,921 --> 00:06:58,092
We don't want to disrupt
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00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,640
the natural interaction of things.
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00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:02,162
Oh, boy, hope your husband's
sitting down when he sees
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00:07:02,187 --> 00:07:03,375
this bill.
173
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,560
Wilderness Gals, what is this
an example of?
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00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:08,539
- Friendly banter.
- Mary Louise, no.
175
00:07:09,257 --> 00:07:10,905
- Stereotyping?
- That's right!
176
00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,829
Congrats to my girl Tiffany!
177
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:15,609
You just earned your
"Gender Stereotyping" badge.
178
00:07:16,802 --> 00:07:17,901
Ooh!
179
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,970
Ooh!
180
00:07:20,242 --> 00:07:22,005
Ooh!
181
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:24,808
Girls, sexist jokes
like these are made by men
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00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,943
of all ages and sizes...
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00:07:27,012 --> 00:07:29,726
including this moron,
who has a butterface.
184
00:07:31,148 --> 00:07:33,992
Excuse me... a "but-his-face."
185
00:07:34,592 --> 00:07:35,882
Moving on.
186
00:07:40,578 --> 00:07:41,734
Oh, my God.
187
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:44,060
- Whose house is this?
- Hey, hun.
188
00:07:44,129 --> 00:07:45,262
Can you believe it?
189
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:47,112
And Cecelia did the laundry!
190
00:07:47,137 --> 00:07:48,803
It turns out the machine wasn't broken.
191
00:07:48,828 --> 00:07:50,829
I was just turning the knob
in the wrong direction.
192
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,213
Welcome home.
193
00:07:52,237 --> 00:07:53,507
It's so clean.
194
00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,205
You're a miracle worker.
195
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:58,074
I've been wearing swim bottoms
as underwear for a week.
196
00:07:58,143 --> 00:07:59,543
I've got it from here.
197
00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:00,851
There must be dirty bottles somewhere.
198
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:02,345
Already done and put away.
199
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:04,609
I find menial tasks meditative.
200
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,383
Thank you.
201
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:08,151
I'm speechless.
202
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,617
Oh, no, no, no, Deb. I got her.
203
00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:12,056
Hi.
204
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:14,960
♪ I love you more than anyone ♪
205
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:18,094
♪ In the whole wide world ♪
206
00:08:19,598 --> 00:08:23,033
♪ In the whole wide world ♪
207
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:26,703
♪ No one loves you more than me ♪
208
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,898
She's really taken to you, Cecelia.
209
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,074
Thanks, Cecelia.
210
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,310
I got her.
211
00:08:33,378 --> 00:08:34,856
Yeah.
212
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,570
I should get going.
213
00:08:37,179 --> 00:08:39,327
You want to come home
with your Aunt Cecelia.
214
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:40,850
Yes, you do.
215
00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:42,830
You tell your mommy
you're coming home with me.
216
00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:44,955
- You tell her.
- Well, she can't
217
00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:46,456
'cause she doesn't speak,
218
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:48,367
so... bye.
219
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:53,429
God, she is a dream, right?
220
00:08:58,515 --> 00:09:00,904
Today, we are in the belly of the beast:
221
00:09:01,152 --> 00:09:02,982
- the hardware section.
- Ooh.
222
00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:04,771
Where's Tim "The Toolman" Taylor?
223
00:09:04,796 --> 00:09:08,146
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Mary Louise, knock it off.
224
00:09:08,171 --> 00:09:10,647
No other location in history
has been more inhospitable
225
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,016
to women... besides Matt Lauer's office.
226
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,866
Ladies, consult your pamphlets,
as we are about to see
227
00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:18,421
some extremely toxic behavior.
228
00:09:20,274 --> 00:09:21,748
Excuse me.
229
00:09:22,374 --> 00:09:24,171
What can I help you with, sweetheart?
230
00:09:24,304 --> 00:09:26,730
- I need a circular saw.
- Actually, you're gonna want
231
00:09:26,798 --> 00:09:28,732
to go with a table saw.
232
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,179
It's a lot less skill required
and it's easier
233
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:33,460
for someone like you to operate it.
234
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,972
- Girls.
- Mansplaining, two counts.
235
00:09:36,041 --> 00:09:37,674
He doesn't know your expertise level
236
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,676
and he used the word "actually."
237
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:40,912
Yes, Nancy.
238
00:09:40,937 --> 00:09:42,890
Mary Louise, badge her.
239
00:09:46,296 --> 00:09:47,362
This is something
240
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,952
you'll have to endure your entire lives
241
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:52,322
whether you're in an Uber,
a Jiffy Lube, or Congress.
242
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,921
Moving on.
243
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,265
Bye.
244
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,115
Oh, why thank you.
245
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:05,468
And keep 'em coming.
246
00:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,101
I'm back.
247
00:10:07,531 --> 00:10:08,671
Hey, Ms. Watson.
248
00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:10,607
We can set up over there by the veranda.
249
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,468
- Okay.
- Caroline Watson.
250
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:14,873
Oh!
251
00:10:14,898 --> 00:10:17,250
I haven't seen you in forever.
252
00:10:17,359 --> 00:10:19,516
I thought you were dead.
253
00:10:19,584 --> 00:10:20,617
Not dead, Lil.
254
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,382
Alive and loving it.
255
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,098
I'm sorry I haven't been around.
256
00:10:24,122 --> 00:10:26,617
I've just been so busy lately.
257
00:10:26,789 --> 00:10:28,202
Mimi said your funds were all tied up
258
00:10:28,226 --> 00:10:29,904
in your father's trial
and you couldn't afford
259
00:10:29,928 --> 00:10:31,304
this place anymore.
260
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,497
Whaaat?
261
00:10:35,203 --> 00:10:37,500
Well, as luck would have it,
we are down a fourth
262
00:10:37,569 --> 00:10:38,902
at our bridge table.
263
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:41,554
- Care to pop on?
- Would I ever.
264
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,429
Caroline's in!
265
00:10:44,304 --> 00:10:45,742
What about my tutoring session?
266
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:46,811
Not now, kid.
267
00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:48,031
I need this.
268
00:10:50,937 --> 00:10:52,982
Hey, can I be really dumb for a second?
269
00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:54,896
Of course. Chelsea's dumb all the time
270
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,631
and that never stops her from talking.
271
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,490
Cecelia's been really helpful
272
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,325
but she keeps singing to Hagatha
273
00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:04,794
that she loves her more
than anyone else in the world
274
00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:07,023
and calling her "my baby."
275
00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:10,406
- It's kind of creeping me out.
- Oh, that's totally normal.
276
00:11:10,507 --> 00:11:12,869
My au pair used to call me
"ma petite enfante."
277
00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:14,682
Yeah, I wouldn't worry.
When I was at the mall
278
00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,284
with Chelsea, I told
three different babies
279
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:19,409
I'd eat them right up,
but I'd never eat a baby.
280
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:21,745
Yeah, yeah, you're...
you're probably right.
281
00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:23,980
I'm just so tired it's hard to tell
282
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:26,117
- what's real anymore.
- Hey!
283
00:11:26,359 --> 00:11:28,062
I've been thinking about Hag all day.
284
00:11:28,086 --> 00:11:29,677
Can't wait to see my baby tonight.
285
00:11:29,702 --> 00:11:31,375
I got her a new passie.
286
00:11:35,046 --> 00:11:36,882
I watch a lot of Lifetime movies...
287
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:39,107
never let a woman in a caftan
take a power position
288
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:40,408
in your home. They'll end up sleeping
289
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:42,410
with your husband, nursing your baby,
290
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:43,679
and killing you.
291
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:55,945
Ms. Watson?
292
00:11:56,014 --> 00:11:57,890
I won't need you to tutor me anymore.
293
00:11:58,007 --> 00:12:00,984
I applied to Chiswell Academy
and my mom says I'm a shoe-in.
294
00:12:01,148 --> 00:12:02,519
Oh.
295
00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:04,372
Well, congratulations, Preston.
296
00:12:04,397 --> 00:12:06,703
This an excellent school.
297
00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:14,818
I just wanted to call and say
that I think Preston
298
00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:17,389
would be a wonderful addition
to Chiswell.
299
00:12:17,414 --> 00:12:19,490
He's made such great strides this year.
300
00:12:19,515 --> 00:12:21,616
He hasn't bitten me in so long
that you can barely see
301
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,873
the scars, and it's been
at least two weeks
302
00:12:23,942 --> 00:12:25,902
since he's defecated out of anger.
303
00:12:25,944 --> 00:12:28,890
The time-out cage has been a godsend.
304
00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,843
I'd recommend a Taser, though.
305
00:12:33,952 --> 00:12:37,153
Okay, my queens,
it's time to accessorize.
306
00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:39,233
Chelsea, I've learned so much this week
307
00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:41,135
and, well, I was just wondering...
308
00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:42,710
You can take a badge.
309
00:12:43,218 --> 00:12:45,728
Uh, girls... girls, please.
310
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:46,945
Play nice, all right?
311
00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:49,203
All this running around's
not very ladylike.
312
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,735
What kind of sexism was that?
313
00:12:52,804 --> 00:12:54,571
Um, nothing?
314
00:12:54,717 --> 00:12:55,917
It came from a woman.
315
00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:57,732
- Women can't be sexist.
- Wrong.
316
00:12:57,757 --> 00:13:00,060
Menopause Molly's comment
was a micro-aggression,
317
00:13:00,085 --> 00:13:02,445
and a perfect example
of internalized misogyny.
318
00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:03,825
Maybe the worst offense
319
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,560
- of all.
- How dare you.
320
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:06,916
How dare you?
321
00:13:06,985 --> 00:13:08,196
Why don't you go up to Eileen Fisher?
322
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,697
I think it's on the fourth floor.
323
00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:11,020
Ma'am.
324
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:12,226
Ow.
325
00:13:12,523 --> 00:13:13,723
- My ankle.
- Oh, no.
326
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:14,802
Nancy, are you okay?
327
00:13:14,826 --> 00:13:16,500
Can you put weight on it?
328
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,829
No, it hurts worse
than the micro-aggressions!
329
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:21,609
- Oh, no.
- What do we do?
330
00:13:21,633 --> 00:13:23,311
I don't know, Tiffany. I don't know.
331
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:25,213
We should have brought
the Wilderness Gals manual!
332
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:26,757
Well, we didn't! It's at my apartment
333
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,071
stretching out my Caché tops.
334
00:13:28,139 --> 00:13:29,572
Everyone stop panicking!
335
00:13:29,641 --> 00:13:32,076
If she can't stand on it,
it might be broken.
336
00:13:32,101 --> 00:13:34,623
- Mansplainer!
- Uh, actually, I'm a doctor.
337
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:35,826
Enough with the "actuallys"!
338
00:13:35,851 --> 00:13:37,692
I really think you need
to get her to a hospital...
339
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,782
Yeah, no means no, so go.
340
00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:41,229
- Yeah.
- Damn it.
341
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,386
Okay. Think, Chelsea, think.
342
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:48,491
Oh, yes.
343
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,406
Oh, my gosh.
344
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:52,862
I've got this!
345
00:13:52,887 --> 00:13:54,253
There we go.
346
00:13:54,278 --> 00:13:56,611
- I've got you, girl!
- Yes, Chelsea, yes.
347
00:13:57,929 --> 00:13:59,544
Oh, my gosh.
348
00:13:59,604 --> 00:14:01,250
She's amazing.
349
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,239
There.
350
00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:04,382
I did it.
351
00:14:04,664 --> 00:14:06,031
It's a splint!
352
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:09,070
That's my little girl.
353
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,592
Good girl, good girl.
354
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,616
Oh, my God!
355
00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:15,670
Are you breastfeeding my baby?
356
00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:17,098
What? No, of course not.
357
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:19,422
- I was just holding her.
- I'm sorry.
358
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:21,758
I think I just need a moment.
359
00:14:28,445 --> 00:14:30,046
Pull it together, Deb.
360
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:36,773
Hey, Cecelia, I apologize...
361
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:39,876
Cecelia?
362
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,679
Cecelia! Cecelia!
363
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:44,203
Give me back my baby!
364
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,561
We were just getting some fresh air.
365
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,508
But if you prefer, we can
stay in and watch a movie.
366
00:14:48,532 --> 00:14:49,789
Yes!
367
00:14:51,203 --> 00:14:53,489
- That would be great.
- I think "Risky Business"
368
00:14:53,558 --> 00:14:54,615
is on Netflix.
369
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,289
I just love Rebecca De Mornay.
370
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,263
♪ I love you more than anyone ♪
371
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:03,833
♪ In the whole wide world ♪
372
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:08,137
♪ In the whole wide world ♪
373
00:15:10,585 --> 00:15:12,803
After the incident
at Helm's Department Store,
374
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:15,920
it has come to my attention
that while we are "rock stars"
375
00:15:15,945 --> 00:15:17,929
at identifying problematic behavior,
376
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,359
we do need to learn
other survival skills.
377
00:15:20,414 --> 00:15:22,229
So today I'm gonna show you
how to start a fire
378
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:24,992
using the mirror from your
Urban Decay eye palette.
379
00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:26,937
Actually, that's not effective.
380
00:15:27,195 --> 00:15:29,172
I knew girls couldn't
do anything without makeup.
381
00:15:29,227 --> 00:15:31,492
- Hey, cut it out.
- Mansplaining!
382
00:15:31,617 --> 00:15:33,842
What you just said was condescending.
383
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,242
And let me tell you
why you shouldn't talk
384
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:37,570
- to women that way.
- Calm down, okay?
385
00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,068
Are you kidding me?
386
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,215
- Oh, I am not calming down.
- Wow, these girls
387
00:15:41,239 --> 00:15:42,851
really know how to stand up
for themselves.
388
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,070
Whatever you're doing, it's working.
389
00:15:45,117 --> 00:15:47,273
Did you hear I made a splint
using a high heel?
390
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,662
- Hmm.
- I'm basically a hot MacGyver.
391
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,258
MacGyver rocks. He's the reason
392
00:15:51,282 --> 00:15:53,628
I started traveling with duct tape.
393
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:54,851
Hey, girl.
394
00:15:54,919 --> 00:15:57,546
- Aww, how's your ankle?
- It was broken.
395
00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,200
The doctor said if I would have
walked around
396
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:00,968
in that splint you made,
it would have caused
397
00:16:00,992 --> 00:16:03,092
- permanent damage.
- Maybe just read
398
00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:04,705
the first aid part of the manual.
399
00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,187
Yeah, okay.
400
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:09,966
Bye, Ms. Watson.
401
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,054
It's been great having you as a teacher.
402
00:16:12,164 --> 00:16:14,414
Wait, did you get into Chiswell?
403
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,106
No, but my mom's
pulling me out of Fillmore
404
00:16:17,175 --> 00:16:19,742
because she heard
I had behavioral issues.
405
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:21,744
- Oh.
- Meh, it's probably
406
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:22,976
for the best.
407
00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:25,159
I can't relate to the kids here anyway.
408
00:16:25,183 --> 00:16:27,283
Wait, Preston, you can't go.
409
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:28,552
Can we at least keep in touch?
410
00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:30,319
I could visit you at Crescent Ridge.
411
00:16:30,388 --> 00:16:31,788
I don't think so.
412
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:33,367
My dad says it's best
to keep your distance
413
00:16:33,391 --> 00:16:34,812
from the help.
414
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:48,740
Door was open, so I let myself in.
415
00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:50,418
I figured you could use
some help overnight
416
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:52,086
since she's been so fussy
with the colic.
417
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:53,812
- Let me take her.
- No.
418
00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:56,148
No.
419
00:16:56,748 --> 00:16:58,548
Not another word.
420
00:16:58,616 --> 00:17:01,884
Now, you go take a nice long nap.
421
00:17:23,468 --> 00:17:25,208
Hello, I'm calling for a reference
422
00:17:25,243 --> 00:17:27,828
for your former nanny, Cecelia Cannon.
423
00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:31,692
What do you mean,
you've never had a nanny
424
00:17:31,716 --> 00:17:32,976
by that name?
425
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:34,953
"Cecelia Cannon."
426
00:17:35,578 --> 00:17:36,968
You don't know her?
427
00:17:37,355 --> 00:17:38,914
You've never heard of her?
428
00:17:39,424 --> 00:17:42,225
But she has you listed as a reference!
429
00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:47,015
Hello?
430
00:18:01,813 --> 00:18:03,813
You're not gonna take over my life,
431
00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:05,539
you psychotic bitch!
432
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,618
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, my God!
433
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:10,086
You're her!
434
00:18:16,457 --> 00:18:17,578
Deb?
435
00:18:17,984 --> 00:18:19,710
Hey, Deb? Deb, you awake?
436
00:18:21,429 --> 00:18:23,045
- What happened?
- You fell asleep
437
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:24,789
while you were trying
to choke out Cecelia.
438
00:18:25,078 --> 00:18:26,580
But she was wearing my clothes, and none
439
00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:28,684
of her references had ever heard of her.
440
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,618
I... I just got her
some of your old clothes
441
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,253
- 'cause she was soaking wet.
- And I probably
442
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,754
should have mentioned...
back when I nannied,
443
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,000
I went by my Sanskrit name, Bhakti.
444
00:18:38,046 --> 00:18:40,016
I am so sorry, Cecelia.
445
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:42,163
I can't believe I went all
"Hand That Rocks the Cradle"
446
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,288
- on you.
- You know, maybe we should
447
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:47,156
consider getting a night nurse.
448
00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:48,624
You know what?
449
00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:50,326
That sounds great.
450
00:18:50,632 --> 00:18:52,795
- I do need help.
- Yeah, I can prostitute
451
00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:54,608
my talents, pick up some wedding gigs
452
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:56,766
- so we can afford it.
- Aww, thanks, babe.
453
00:18:58,861 --> 00:19:00,553
Are you okay, Cecelia?
454
00:19:00,578 --> 00:19:02,004
I went at you pretty hard.
455
00:19:02,135 --> 00:19:03,648
Yeah, I'm fine!
456
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,008
I may not be able to eat
solid foods for a few days
457
00:19:06,077 --> 00:19:07,796
but it's okay!
458
00:19:08,911 --> 00:19:10,421
- Okay, let's review.
- Okay.
459
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:13,216
"How do you neutralize a snake bite?"
460
00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:15,773
- With my own urine.
- No.
461
00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:19,765
"How do you relieve the pain
from a jellyfish sting?"
462
00:19:20,039 --> 00:19:23,015
- With my own urine.
- No again.
463
00:19:23,414 --> 00:19:25,995
Ah. "In the absence of water,
464
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:28,598
how can you hydrate yourself?"
465
00:19:28,945 --> 00:19:30,244
- With my own urine!
- Yes!
466
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,216
Oh, thank you so much for helping me.
467
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,506
You're such a hot, sexy,
468
00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:39,253
- wilderness man...
- Uh-huh.
469
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:41,117
Who is so smart...
470
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,160
I'm into this, but for some reason
471
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,835
- I really have to pee.
- Oh.
472
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,179
Okay.
473
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,273
Well.
474
00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:55,035
Actually, that was so good
I don't want to wait.
475
00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,015
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*www.addic7ed.com*
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