All language subtitles for Second Jen s01e06 Asian Night.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,726 2 00:00:01,727 --> 00:00:02,927 [Jen sighs] 3 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,384 Ma, I can't take your canned peaches. 4 00:00:05,386 --> 00:00:07,000 Sure you can. I don't mind. 5 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:11,102 No, I actually can't. It says "Best Before 2008." 6 00:00:11,108 --> 00:00:14,072 So, it not the best. It still okay. 7 00:00:14,702 --> 00:00:18,275 We can give them to Lewis and Nate for murdering that fungus under our stove. 8 00:00:18,281 --> 00:00:19,758 Nice Asian boy would kill 9 00:00:19,764 --> 00:00:21,688 - fungus for free. - Not this again. 10 00:00:21,694 --> 00:00:24,653 Nice Asian boy wouldn't send you to Mommy's house to steal food. 11 00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:28,572 Nice Asian boys don't steal food from home because they still live there. 12 00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:30,869 Exactly why you should date one. 13 00:00:31,185 --> 00:00:32,385 [Ma sighs] 14 00:00:32,391 --> 00:00:33,947 This is what I get for letting you 15 00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:37,104 hang poster of sexy Mike Tyson on wall when you were kid. 16 00:00:37,110 --> 00:00:39,801 Ma, that was Neil deGrasse Tyson. 17 00:00:39,803 --> 00:00:42,164 Because you turn your back on your culture, 18 00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,843 don't write Chinese, eat French-Canadian fries... 19 00:00:45,849 --> 00:00:47,648 with American cheese! 20 00:00:48,078 --> 00:00:50,135 Jenny is bad Asian. 21 00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:53,313 What? [clicks mouth] I'm... 22 00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:54,893 I'm the best Asian. 23 00:00:56,392 --> 00:01:00,787 In fact, Mo and I are throwing an Asian Night party... 24 00:01:00,789 --> 00:01:02,237 this weekend. 25 00:01:02,243 --> 00:01:03,549 Asian Night? 26 00:01:03,555 --> 00:01:05,892 All our highly-successful, mostly-engaged, 27 00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:09,141 - semi-friends together in one room? - Mm-hm. 28 00:01:09,147 --> 00:01:10,910 I'd prefer my self-esteem intact. 29 00:01:10,916 --> 00:01:12,500 [sighs] Come on. 30 00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:14,361 We're the first of our friends to move out. 31 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,861 We'll finally be... coolio 32 00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:18,705 I was always coolio. 33 00:01:18,707 --> 00:01:21,949 Seems like Mo self-esteem, pretty solid. 34 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:24,692 Oh, tea egg! [grunts] 35 00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,567 Well, it was. 36 00:01:28,178 --> 00:01:29,378 Hm? 37 00:01:29,384 --> 00:01:31,384 [theme music] 38 00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:41,727 39 00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:44,826 Sync & Corrections by PetaG www.addic7ed.com 40 00:01:44,832 --> 00:01:49,473 41 00:01:49,479 --> 00:01:51,499 - _ - This party is pathetic. 42 00:01:51,505 --> 00:01:56,503 Pathetic things elicit feelings. This just elicits an existential void. 43 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:59,712 Well, at least I don't feel so guilty for not inviting Nate and Lewis. 44 00:01:59,718 --> 00:02:01,539 I should text Garth not to come. 45 00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:04,766 What? You invited the guy I may be dating 46 00:02:04,772 --> 00:02:06,444 and haven't quite figured things out with yet, 47 00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:08,086 to our Night of the Living Lame? 48 00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:10,844 Garth is my friend, and my boss, 49 00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:13,516 and I needed half a day off to plan this shindig. 50 00:02:13,522 --> 00:02:14,889 [inhales] 51 00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:18,104 You know what? I'm gonna text him to bring some snacks, 52 00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:20,856 'cause those two are about to rampage that last pretzel. 53 00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:22,075 (Jen) My mom was right. 54 00:02:22,081 --> 00:02:25,959 I've gotten so used to white people bring-your-own everything parties, 55 00:02:25,965 --> 00:02:28,729 I have forgotten how to be a good Asian host... 56 00:02:29,237 --> 00:02:32,363 feed them 'til they're full, then feed them 'til they cry. 57 00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:34,495 _ 58 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,048 Thank you so much, Hsu. 59 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:40,078 It is so helpful having a landlord live so close. 60 00:02:40,084 --> 00:02:42,195 I just didn't know anyone else in the area. 61 00:02:42,497 --> 00:02:43,711 _ 62 00:02:43,717 --> 00:02:44,989 Emergency? 63 00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:48,769 You know, the English on here is harder to read than the Chinese. 64 00:02:49,523 --> 00:02:51,956 "Crystal noodle shrimp dumpling." 65 00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:54,263 I mean, what is that? 66 00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:55,999 Har Gaow. 67 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,490 Okay, well, it should say that then. 68 00:02:57,496 --> 00:02:59,583 Right there. In Chinese. 69 00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:02,802 See, this is why I think we need a phonetic alphabet. 70 00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:05,900 This one's the best. It's also the cheapest. 71 00:03:05,906 --> 00:03:08,039 The cheapest is always best. 72 00:03:08,045 --> 00:03:09,363 Irony. 73 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,944 - You want me to order for you? - Oh, no. 74 00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:15,241 I may not be able to read the Chinese, or understand the English, 75 00:03:15,247 --> 00:03:18,295 but I can certainly speak to my people. 76 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:19,530 Thank you. 77 00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:23,426 Oh, also... I may need to send in my rent cheque a week late this month. 78 00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:24,745 _ 79 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,435 Thanks! Bye! 80 00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:29,499 [quietly] Okay. 81 00:03:32,892 --> 00:03:35,925 [phone ringing] 82 00:03:35,931 --> 00:03:43,074 [speaking in broken Cantonese] 83 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,845 Dumplings. Yeah, I know. Tricky tonal language. 84 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,370 Uh... [speaking broken Cantonese] 85 00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:51,438 Hello. I brought some Chinese food. 86 00:03:51,444 --> 00:03:54,048 I know it's a little on the nose, but I hope that's okay. 87 00:03:54,874 --> 00:03:56,358 [laughing] 88 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,329 - [mixed conversations] - 89 00:04:00,331 --> 00:04:04,211 Jen, this party finally found a way to suck harder than Final Fantasy 12. 90 00:04:04,217 --> 00:04:06,418 - You saw Alister? - Yes! 91 00:04:06,499 --> 00:04:08,599 Can we kick everyone out now, please? 92 00:04:08,605 --> 00:04:11,872 We can tell them I found a middle-aged man in the wall. It's only half a lie. 93 00:04:11,878 --> 00:04:15,267 We can't kick out the Asians. That's the pure definition of "Bad Asian." 94 00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:18,760 Kim Jong-un is a bad Asian. You're fine. 95 00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:23,164 Maybe we just don't relate to our friends in the suburbs anymore. 96 00:04:23,553 --> 00:04:28,440 Maybe we need to open up to our family of colour in the city. 97 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:32,708 Are you over-suggesting what I think you're over-suggesting? 98 00:04:33,391 --> 00:04:35,378 - Pose! [phone camera clicks] - Huh?! 99 00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,814 Tweet it. Share it. I'll go on the Facebook groups. 100 00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:42,018 [typing] "Party here." 101 00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:44,905 "Invite. Hashtag..." 102 00:04:44,907 --> 00:04:46,861 - "Downtown Asians"! - "Downtown Asians"? 103 00:04:47,844 --> 00:04:49,353 That felt weird saying it together. 104 00:04:49,359 --> 00:04:51,351 Yeah, that's how Freaky Fridays happen. 105 00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:53,880 [sighing] 106 00:04:53,886 --> 00:04:55,374 Nate, what are we doing? 107 00:04:55,755 --> 00:04:57,075 What are you talking about? 108 00:04:57,653 --> 00:05:00,329 I'm talking about the fact that it's Saturday night 109 00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:02,748 and we're cooped up in our little apartment eating... 110 00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:03,965 what are these things? 111 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,482 They're lemon drops with a pink peppercorn sprinkle. 112 00:05:06,488 --> 00:05:09,092 - What else could they be? - I'm not talking about the cookies. 113 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,797 I'm talking about you and your situation. 114 00:05:11,799 --> 00:05:14,993 Jen and... and Garth? Who cares about these people? 115 00:05:14,999 --> 00:05:17,362 What do you want, huh? What does Nate want? 116 00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:20,498 'Cause I'll tell you what I want. I want us to get back out there. 117 00:05:20,686 --> 00:05:23,491 - Okay, do... do you hear that? - [muffled music, voices] 118 00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,654 Yeah. Hang on a second. 119 00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,881 Tamagotchi! 120 00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:32,696 What's goin' on? How are we doin'? 121 00:05:32,702 --> 00:05:34,832 What's goin' on down there? Is something goin' on? What's goin' on? 122 00:05:34,838 --> 00:05:37,490 My besties, Jen and Mo, are having a get-together. 123 00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:39,130 Get-together? Okay. 124 00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:41,522 Now, what kind of get-together are we talking about here? 125 00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:44,318 Are we talking about, uh, is it like kind of a classy joint, 126 00:05:44,324 --> 00:05:46,068 kinda like flutes of champagnes, or is it... 127 00:05:46,074 --> 00:05:47,599 does it get... does it get dirty? 128 00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:49,000 It's an Asian Night. 129 00:05:50,707 --> 00:05:52,651 Okay. Okay. 130 00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:56,923 Lewis, I found this delicious apple crumble recipe. 131 00:05:57,386 --> 00:05:58,607 It is going to... 132 00:05:59,886 --> 00:06:02,403 You listen to me, you listen to me very carefully, okay? 133 00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:03,981 Our prayers have been answered. 134 00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:06,818 Right now, downstairs, "Asian Night." 135 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,920 Well, unless that title is ironic, 136 00:06:08,926 --> 00:06:11,612 I believe the preferred guests are "Asians." 137 00:06:11,618 --> 00:06:13,497 What are you... What does that even... No, man, 138 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,684 I'm like South-Asian-y enough lookin' and I know you love Asians. 139 00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:19,498 So, come on, let's go, please? Please? Please? 140 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:22,599 I don't know. Man, I just... 141 00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:25,132 Nate, you're my best friend and I love you, 142 00:06:25,138 --> 00:06:27,332 and you're the smartest guy I know. 143 00:06:27,338 --> 00:06:30,335 But right now, I need you to get on board 144 00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:33,540 with doing something really, really stupid. 145 00:06:33,546 --> 00:06:34,960 What do you say? 146 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,846 Okay, you know what? I can't believe I'm about to say this, but, um, 147 00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:42,085 let's do it! You know, let's, uh, throw in the towel. 148 00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,944 Blow the whistle. Get into the second half. 149 00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:47,279 I'll do whatever sport analogies you wanna use, let's do that, okay? 150 00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:49,157 First things first. Let's get you changed, okay, 151 00:06:49,163 --> 00:06:52,087 and, number two, let's get me into a really tight shirt. 152 00:06:52,093 --> 00:06:53,842 - What do ya think? - Let's do it! 153 00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:55,514 Go! 154 00:06:58,141 --> 00:07:01,509 What is the max jail sentence for sewing a person's mouth shut? 155 00:07:01,515 --> 00:07:05,154 'Cause Damien Lam just spoke to me about day-trading for 16 consecutive minutes. 156 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,930 Well, no one's going to be talking while they are eating 157 00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:12,617 delicious, authentic Chinese food at our delicious, authentic Asian Night 158 00:07:12,623 --> 00:07:15,600 hosted by two delicious, authentic Asians. 159 00:07:15,606 --> 00:07:18,101 Can you not refer to us as "delicious"? 160 00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:20,569 Chicken balls? General Tso's beef? 161 00:07:20,575 --> 00:07:23,321 Are you serving westernized Chinese food at our Asian Night? 162 00:07:23,327 --> 00:07:27,221 Hey, it is the best kind of Chinese food... free. 163 00:07:27,786 --> 00:07:29,624 Okay, Alister brought it. 164 00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:32,262 - Course, he did. - But, 165 00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:35,743 it is all about... presentation. 166 00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:38,832 It looks like appropriation. 167 00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:41,010 Okay, we have to feed them something. 168 00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:42,230 [doorbell ringing] 169 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,024 (Both) Downtown Asians! 170 00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:48,325 - We did it again. - It felt worse this time. 171 00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:51,264 - [party music playing] - [mixed conversations] 172 00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:00,642 I don't know about this. 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,032 Yeah. Yeah, something's not right. Let's do this. 174 00:08:04,548 --> 00:08:07,638 There we go. Let it out, you know, be free. 175 00:08:08,126 --> 00:08:09,775 - Let's mingle. - Okay. 176 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,448 - I think... - Oh, no, no, no. Don't think. 177 00:08:12,454 --> 00:08:15,370 Just do. Stupid. Remember? 178 00:08:15,376 --> 00:08:16,707 No. 179 00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,558 Because I'm "stupid." 180 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,838 Yeah, ya are. Boom! 181 00:08:21,514 --> 00:08:24,448 [mixed conversations] 182 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,769 Look at all our peeps. [laughs] 183 00:08:31,238 --> 00:08:32,724 - Hey. - Hey. 184 00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,734 Garth, you're here. 185 00:08:35,408 --> 00:08:37,252 I'm here. How's the... [laughing] 186 00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,105 - Right. [laughing] - Right. [laughing] 187 00:08:39,111 --> 00:08:41,987 Uh, I didn't really know what food to bring for Asian Night, 188 00:08:41,993 --> 00:08:44,035 so, off-brand potato chips. 189 00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:45,885 Actually, accurate. 190 00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,091 [self-mocking laugh] 191 00:08:48,407 --> 00:08:50,719 You didn't answer my text. I was thinking we could 192 00:08:50,725 --> 00:08:52,086 - grab a minute... - Have you seen 193 00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:53,595 all the kinds of Asians we have here? 194 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:57,009 Yes, apparently, we are Pok?mon and you have to catch us all. 195 00:08:57,015 --> 00:08:58,506 We have the... 196 00:08:58,512 --> 00:08:59,794 Academic Asian, 197 00:08:59,903 --> 00:09:01,903 the Metrosexual Asian, 198 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,981 not to be confused with the K-Pop Asian, 199 00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:05,285 the Hip Hop Asian, 200 00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:07,907 and we even have a token "Egg"... 201 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,525 white on the outside, yellow on the inside. 202 00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,099 Alister? 203 00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:14,716 He's really more of an Easter cream egg. 204 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:19,225 Mo, mingle. Garth, relax. Jen, host. 205 00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:23,572 I've never actually met somebody who speaks in the third person. 206 00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:25,390 You should see when she speaks in the fourth. 207 00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,260 _ 208 00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:30,526 Okay. Sure. 209 00:09:30,588 --> 00:09:33,505 Karen and Alister? 210 00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:36,172 If we lock the door, maybe we can seal them in. 211 00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:38,873 Hey, you didn't tell me Karen was coming. 212 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,995 _ 213 00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,956 - [gasps] - _ 214 00:09:42,962 --> 00:09:45,384 - You speak Mandarin? - Hey, I dated a girl from Taiwan. 215 00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:46,651 You dated a girl? 216 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,753 My parents taught me Mando so I could travel in and out of China easily 217 00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,773 when I inherit all of their houses. 218 00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:53,771 - Well, that's just common sense. - Mm-hm. 219 00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:57,374 I mean, it is the country's national language, after all. Right? 220 00:09:57,474 --> 00:09:58,674 _ 221 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:04,263 Well, my family is from Hong Kong, so, it's too bad you Can't-O. 222 00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:06,595 I speak Cantonese. 223 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:07,974 _ 224 00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:10,632 And I'm sorry if my ex-fianc? shows up. 225 00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:12,717 He still feels very connected to me spiritually. 226 00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:16,684 But I'm sure you heard we broke up. We were really trending for a bit. 227 00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:18,616 We blocked your feed after the first three times 228 00:10:18,622 --> 00:10:20,036 we didn't wanna hear from you. 229 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:23,286 Well, my doctor brain is just so filled with with endometrial biopsies, 230 00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:25,491 I can't remember... what do you speak, Mo? 231 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,065 English. 232 00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:29,752 Right, but you're like Japanese, right? 233 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,056 Actually, I am a complex mix... 234 00:10:33,062 --> 00:10:36,764 majestic like a narwhal, but murdery like a liger. 235 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,957 Mo, play nice. 236 00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,942 Why don't I freshen your guys' drinks up, hm? 237 00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:44,700 - Tap water? Soy milk? - Poison? 238 00:10:44,801 --> 00:10:46,743 You know what? We'll surprise you. 239 00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:48,436 [laughs] 240 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,444 _ 241 00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:54,233 So pretty. 242 00:10:54,352 --> 00:10:56,581 - And probably Karen's. - [shoes thud] 243 00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:59,286 Figures my sister would be arranging shoes at her own party. 244 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,632 Eric. What are you doing here? 245 00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,350 I'm the least of your worries. 246 00:11:07,726 --> 00:11:10,933 Mommy had to see to believe. 247 00:11:11,106 --> 00:11:12,306 [Ma laughs insincerely] 248 00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:17,428 I am so happy that Jenny finally embracing her culture and people. 249 00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:18,867 [Jen laughs nervously] 250 00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:22,596 So, these are my apricot pockets... it's not my best work, 251 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:24,895 and I know that people don't really like apricots in pastries, 252 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,182 but I was kind of in a rush today with my roommate Lewis. 253 00:11:27,184 --> 00:11:29,658 I'm sure he'll introduce himself to you at some point. 254 00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:31,129 - (Jen) Nate? Ah... - Yeah? 255 00:11:31,135 --> 00:11:33,987 - Can I talk to you? - Yeah, for sure. Just one second. 256 00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:37,517 Jen, I... I know I wasn't invited and I probably shouldn't even be here, 257 00:11:37,523 --> 00:11:39,709 but, you know, I do feel like I'm gaining a deep appreciation 258 00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:41,803 - for the rich culture and history... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 259 00:11:41,809 --> 00:11:44,926 My family is here, and so is Garth, and... 260 00:11:44,932 --> 00:11:47,868 I think Mo may have just trapped some party guests in the laundry room. 261 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,608 That sounds like something she would do. 262 00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:51,436 - Are these apricot? - Yeah, I know. 263 00:11:51,442 --> 00:11:53,008 It's the only thing I had in my fridge. 264 00:11:53,014 --> 00:11:54,436 No, I love them. 265 00:11:54,608 --> 00:11:57,248 They're so cute and little and I used to eat them when I was eight 266 00:11:57,254 --> 00:11:58,703 watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's." 267 00:11:58,709 --> 00:12:00,514 I love that movie! "We belong to... 268 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,365 (Both) ...nobody and nobody belongs to us." [laughing] 269 00:12:03,371 --> 00:12:06,872 You know, I've been saying a lot of things in unison today. It's stupid. 270 00:12:07,066 --> 00:12:09,684 Stupid? You're doing stupid things? Nice. 271 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,554 Apricot? What? Why? 272 00:12:16,617 --> 00:12:17,817 [scoffs] 273 00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:20,616 I better get back to hosting. 274 00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:23,810 People are starting to use found objects as coasters. 275 00:12:24,122 --> 00:12:27,105 Save me like five of these? No, six. 276 00:12:27,111 --> 00:12:28,520 And Jen... 277 00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,799 You look really pretty. 278 00:12:31,212 --> 00:12:37,037 279 00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:42,264 Busy, busy, busy. Um, you wanna take a break? Maybe have a drink? 280 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:45,149 You're outta soya milk, but there's probably still water in the tap. 281 00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,558 - [laughs] - I hope. 282 00:12:46,564 --> 00:12:50,945 Tempting, uh, but, you know, I don't wanna get water marks on this table. 283 00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:52,861 Didn't you guys find those in a dumpster? 284 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:55,689 Yeah, it took a whole weekend to buff out the blood. 285 00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:59,823 Oh, my God... 286 00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:04,887 [ethereal music plays] 287 00:13:04,893 --> 00:13:06,579 [Asian techno returns] 288 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:10,551 [ethereal music with a sexy beat added] 289 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,569 Blood... Asian... Oh, my God... I don't...? 290 00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:14,572 What are you looking at? Oh, my God! 291 00:13:14,578 --> 00:13:20,466 [sexy ethereal music resumes] 292 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,798 [sound of water dripping] 293 00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:24,033 294 00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:27,629 So, as my grandmother lay on her deathbed... 295 00:13:27,635 --> 00:13:32,672 I whispered in her ear, "It's okay. You can go now. 296 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,548 I got into med school." 297 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:38,300 But choosing this path has come with a price. 298 00:13:38,306 --> 00:13:40,699 I had to give up my swimsuit modelling career. 299 00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:42,190 [young women gasping] 300 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,690 [Ma sighs] 301 00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:47,417 Okay, so what does he have that I don't have? 302 00:13:47,956 --> 00:13:49,156 Seriously? 303 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:53,033 He's got like perfect bone structure, great hair, medical degree. 304 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,860 But at least your grandma's not dead. 305 00:13:56,408 --> 00:13:58,730 _ 306 00:13:58,736 --> 00:14:00,967 So, that's how my parents immigrated. 307 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,569 That's so sad... 308 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,128 and shiny. 309 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,229 This is your party, right? 310 00:14:07,532 --> 00:14:09,149 Birthed it with my mind. 311 00:14:09,155 --> 00:14:12,178 Well, it's rad to see such a young woman embracing her culture. 312 00:14:12,354 --> 00:14:14,445 [giddy giggle] 313 00:14:14,451 --> 00:14:17,280 Yeah, I mean, totally, like oxygen's the most important thing, 314 00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:20,885 and then, you know, my heritage and family. 315 00:14:22,026 --> 00:14:23,659 Are those your parents? 316 00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:28,099 - Ignore them. - No, it's wicked-cool. I mean... 317 00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:30,690 you never know how long they're gonna be here, right? 318 00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:32,864 You look like an art statue. 319 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:34,498 Okay... 320 00:14:35,144 --> 00:14:36,344 [scoffs] 321 00:14:39,871 --> 00:14:41,340 [giddy laugh] 322 00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:43,728 [laughs] 323 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,215 - [video game sound effects] - [knocking] 324 00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:49,217 - Hey. - Hey, G. 325 00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,739 Hey, I got you your favourite part. 326 00:14:50,745 --> 00:14:52,043 - Chip dust? - Yeah. 327 00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:55,327 Sweet. I just need a sec. I'm raiding this terrorist den. 328 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:58,545 Oh, here, put me in, coach. 329 00:14:58,551 --> 00:15:00,117 - I need a medic. - Medic... 330 00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:02,436 Can I be like a priest or something? That's a lot of pressure. 331 00:15:02,442 --> 00:15:04,191 My parents always wanted me to be in the clergy. 332 00:15:04,197 --> 00:15:06,496 Well, you do get bonus points for giving last rites. 333 00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,208 _ 334 00:15:11,908 --> 00:15:14,212 Hey, have you seen a container of these Apr... 335 00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,790 My dude, ah, do you mind if I grab that? 336 00:15:17,796 --> 00:15:19,914 How about I, uh, trade for a chip? 337 00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:22,411 - Come on, man, it's for a girl. - There you are, man. 338 00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:25,786 I feel like we never talk anymore. What's been goin' on in your world? 339 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,044 Well, I was looking for my pastries. 340 00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,639 I promised Jen that I would save some for her. 341 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:30,327 She's not savin' herself for you. 342 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,800 - I'm sorry? - Nothing. Um... 343 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,652 Hey, uh, here's a stupid idea. 344 00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:37,385 Why don't we just like stay in this kitchen for like the rest of the night? 345 00:15:37,391 --> 00:15:40,566 - Lewis, have you been drinking? - Drinking! Yeah, let's go do that. 346 00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,647 Let's go do that right through that window. 347 00:15:42,649 --> 00:15:44,323 Sounds like a stupid idea, doesn't it? 348 00:15:44,329 --> 00:15:45,892 No, I think I'm just gonna go find Jen. 349 00:15:45,898 --> 00:15:49,500 Jenny close-talking with Asian supermodel in living room. 350 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,492 [sighs] Mm. 351 00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,302 Fruit in baked goods? Whoa. 352 00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,799 353 00:16:00,805 --> 00:16:03,198 Mo, Mo, I think my mom's put something in my tap water, 354 00:16:03,204 --> 00:16:05,800 because I'm digging this hot Asian. 355 00:16:08,408 --> 00:16:09,815 What you doing? 356 00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:12,799 Uh, bludgeoning his head with a baseball bat? 357 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,501 [laughs] Um... we are playing video games. 358 00:16:16,503 --> 00:16:18,291 - In bed? - On bed. 359 00:16:18,672 --> 00:16:21,697 You were evolving into super host, and Garth was super bored. 360 00:16:24,678 --> 00:16:26,411 I can give you two some space. 361 00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:31,504 No, no, no, I think I should give you two some space. 362 00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:34,269 - Jen... - Mo... 363 00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,767 I can give you two some space, if you want... Sp... 364 00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:41,653 Unless you wanted this space for space, 365 00:16:41,659 --> 00:16:43,680 if you wanna hang out with your hot Asian friend. 366 00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:46,027 Also, if you know hot Asian friend's name, 367 00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:49,055 I'd really like to not call him hot Asian friend anymore. 368 00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:52,861 Listen, Garth... I'm not... 369 00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,976 - Look, Jen, I... - Look, I... 370 00:16:54,982 --> 00:16:57,275 - You... - I... uh... 371 00:16:57,281 --> 00:17:00,340 - Same? - [laughs] Same. Totally same. 372 00:17:00,346 --> 00:17:01,745 [sighs] Yes! 373 00:17:01,751 --> 00:17:03,656 - Good. - Good. 374 00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:07,785 I'm gonna just put pause on whatever that was. 375 00:17:07,787 --> 00:17:09,507 Since when are you into random dudes? 376 00:17:09,513 --> 00:17:11,476 It's a confusing and glorious time. 377 00:17:11,482 --> 00:17:15,294 Mo, kill this Tetris, or, you... you know, whatever you do in games. 378 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,669 I... I don't play games, but you two do, So... 379 00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:21,247 [speaks Cantonese] 380 00:17:21,253 --> 00:17:22,690 What does that mean? 381 00:17:22,696 --> 00:17:25,409 It means "How are you?". 382 00:17:25,534 --> 00:17:28,535 _ 383 00:17:28,907 --> 00:17:30,220 Harrison... 384 00:17:30,594 --> 00:17:32,815 I've only ever said this to one other human, 385 00:17:32,821 --> 00:17:34,989 and it was Stephen Chow in "Kung Fu Hustle," 386 00:17:34,995 --> 00:17:37,901 but you are fly! [laughing] 387 00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:39,107 Thanks. 388 00:17:39,782 --> 00:17:44,088 Whoa, um, you seem really fly, but, uh, 389 00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,704 I'm just not into Asian girls. 390 00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:47,922 First I'm not Asian enough, now I'm too Asian? 391 00:17:47,928 --> 00:17:50,985 No, it's not that. It's just I tried dating my peeps once, 392 00:17:50,991 --> 00:17:52,671 and I got pretty badly burned. 393 00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:54,098 Are you kidding me? 394 00:17:54,592 --> 00:17:57,280 First I think I'm connecting with people from my own culture, 395 00:17:57,286 --> 00:18:00,724 then it turns out I'm being humiliated by the most beautiful man on Earth. 396 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,456 _ 397 00:18:04,232 --> 00:18:05,819 So, we're not over? 398 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,726 Okay, hold on. 399 00:18:07,732 --> 00:18:10,175 You broke up with him? 400 00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:12,886 You're the rich fianc?? 401 00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:20,159 Yes, but seeing you humiliate Jen at her own party, 402 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:24,471 in front of all these people, is crazy hot. 403 00:18:27,493 --> 00:18:29,704 It's like watch two angels French. 404 00:18:29,779 --> 00:18:31,350 [sighs] 405 00:18:36,263 --> 00:18:37,872 Go be stupid, bro. 406 00:18:37,878 --> 00:18:40,480 407 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,686 [sighs] 408 00:18:41,692 --> 00:18:46,258 409 00:18:46,264 --> 00:18:47,464 [chuckles quietly] 410 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:55,470 411 00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,453 [laughs] 412 00:18:58,459 --> 00:19:01,459 [video game ending music playing] 413 00:19:01,465 --> 00:19:09,465 414 00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:11,773 [door opens] 415 00:19:18,066 --> 00:19:22,071 I thought you should know Jenny left the party. She's pretty upset. 416 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,417 Eric, you could do so much better. 417 00:19:24,419 --> 00:19:25,636 [door closes] 418 00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:29,094 - [gentle music plays] - [clears throat] 419 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:33,900 420 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,805 Hey, Jen. Are you okay? 421 00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:38,559 [clears throat] Yeah. 422 00:19:39,733 --> 00:19:42,855 Your, uh, apricot pockets were the high-light of the evening. 423 00:19:42,861 --> 00:19:46,638 [laughs] And, actually, I saved you one. 424 00:19:50,344 --> 00:19:53,679 [laughing] 425 00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:55,822 You saved me one in your pocket. 426 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,491 That was pretty stupid. 427 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:06,497 428 00:20:06,503 --> 00:20:14,037 429 00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:15,711 Stupid is good. 430 00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,068 [laughs] 431 00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,569 Man, I love Lewis. 432 00:20:18,571 --> 00:20:20,663 Did you just say you love Lewis? 433 00:20:20,669 --> 00:20:23,287 [sighing] 434 00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:25,199 [door opening] 435 00:20:25,205 --> 00:20:32,134 436 00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:37,370 Wow, well, I definitely feel less guilty for trying to kiss you now. 437 00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:39,679 Shut up, Garth Vader. 438 00:20:39,685 --> 00:20:43,056 439 00:20:43,598 --> 00:20:45,170 440 00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,203 Well, making out with the whitest guy since powder 441 00:20:48,209 --> 00:20:50,816 isn't exactly how I imagined Asian Night. 442 00:20:51,012 --> 00:20:54,705 Jen, being Asian is part of you, but it is not all of you. 443 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,774 Who cares if you don't know anything about John Woo 444 00:20:56,780 --> 00:20:58,679 or the current president of China. 445 00:20:58,685 --> 00:21:00,395 - It's Xi Jin... - Meh! 446 00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:01,989 We're each other's people. 447 00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:05,503 Well, then, speaking of people. 448 00:21:05,509 --> 00:21:08,594 - How'd it go with Garth? - Meh. 449 00:21:08,806 --> 00:21:10,517 We'll talk about it later. 450 00:21:10,610 --> 00:21:12,188 I'm too tungry right now. 451 00:21:12,194 --> 00:21:13,992 - Tired-hungry? - Mm-hm. 452 00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:20,535 Mmm, I am such a bad Asian. [both laugh] 453 00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:22,354 (Ma) Living room all tidy. 454 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,042 Lewis, you can earn a living cleaning. 455 00:21:25,048 --> 00:21:27,443 (Lewis) Ah, well, you know, if it's your passion, you never work a 456 00:21:27,449 --> 00:21:29,183 - day in your life, right? - [Ma chuckles] 457 00:21:29,253 --> 00:21:32,893 Hey, listen, everything's clean down here, so don't mess it up! 458 00:21:32,899 --> 00:21:36,407 Also, Nate is sleeping upstairs like a baby. 459 00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:38,402 So, don't wake him up! 460 00:21:38,691 --> 00:21:40,870 (Ma) And Daddy and Eric sleeping in your bedroom, 461 00:21:40,876 --> 00:21:43,785 where Mo got busy with her White boss. 462 00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:44,991 [snaps fingers] 463 00:21:45,759 --> 00:21:48,625 - (Mo) We're terrible Asians. - (Jen) Oh, yeah. 464 00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:51,726 - [Mo & Jen laugh] - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com 465 00:21:51,732 --> 00:21:54,945 For more "Second Jen," visit citytv.com. 466 00:21:54,995 --> 00:21:59,545 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35077

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