All language subtitles for Sean Saves the World s01e11 Trapped in the Closet.eng

As we all know, we have been pursuing
famed designer, Jonathan Peterson

to represent his new line
of ceramic housewares,

and I would like to announce
that we have succeeded.

All: Yay!

But I can't,
because you have all failed.

Sean, explain.

I called his studio four times
and left messages. Liz, explain.

He never called back so we drove
down there. Hunter, explain.

Nobody would let us in, which is
when I said we should just give up,

but nobody listened.
Sean, explain.

What happened next wasn't technically
"breaking and entering,"

but we did accidentally "break a door"
and then "enter."

Then a security guard
chased us to our car.

I knocked over a trash can
to slow him down,

'cause apparently I'm the only one
who's ever seen an action movie.

Then Sean drove away
like a bat out of hell

until he realized Liz and I
were not yet in the car.

The point is, we made contact,
and the ball's in his court.

I have an idea
how we can get to Peterson.

You all could do your jobs.

I deserved that.

Hello.
I'm here for lunch.

Oh, what long faces.

Who wants a butterscotch?

Ooh, I do.

Mom, you're a little early.
We're in the middle of a meeting.

No, we're done.
[Snaps]

Do you have anything in there
to mask the stink of failure?

Yes, I do.

[Spritzing]

My God,
look at that inventory.

Oh, I also have something in here for
people with distracting coffee breath.

Liz, have you ever
eaten a mint?

Well, not all of us can put
our teeth in the dishwasher.

And a rare win for Liz.

I need to eat light
at lunch.

Going to an early dinner
with Bernard tonight

and I don't want to be bloated,
know what I'm saying?

[Clicks tongue]

Mom.

I'm gonna clear all the bases
tonight, know what I'm saying?

[Clicks tongue]

Why don't you just make a circle
and poke your finger through it?

Don't be vulgar.

Look what's coming my way.

God, mom, your fiber shakes
bringing all the boys to the yard.

- Daddy!
- Max.

You are one fine mixed drink,

and I'd like to be the swizzle
stick that stirs you up.

- Mom, you remember Lee?
- Yes, I do. We went to dinner that time.

I didn't eat
and I still got sick.

Father is in town on business.

And maybe while you're here,
you can take me canoeing,

like you did in that story
I once wrote.

I'm trying to close a few deals,
and I'm hoping you'll be one of them.

Everything on my body
is closed to you.

We're going to lunch.
Max, good to see you.

Lee, here's hoping a chunk of
cholesterol breaks loose in your neck.

See you later.

Your mom's a classy lady.

- I think so.
- I'd like her to choke me with my tie.

You realize you and I
barely know each other, right?

Do you and Lorna like hockey?

No.

Oh, but we once did go
to Smucker's Stars on Ice.

I play golf
with Joe Smuckers.

I can get you backstage passes, maybe
a photo op with Kristi Yamaguchi.

- Are you serious?
- The 'Guch owes me a favor.

That almost makes up for
that disturbing choking comment.

Your dad knows a lot of people.

Yes, he even knows Jonathan Peterson,
who you failed to reach.

What? Then why didn't you ask him
to call Peterson for us?

We were chased off
the guy's property.

A winded security guard
threw up on my car.

Because father wants me to make it
on my own. He will not help me.

But he might help you, just to show
your mother what a big man he is.

Okay.

Okay, okay, how about this?

Why don't you two accidentally
bump into us at lunch?

I'll mention I've been trying
to get a meeting with Peterson.

Then your dad can impress my mom
by making it happen.

That's a fantastic idea.

[Gasps]

Still my fault.

No, no, Jerry.
This time I'm happy.

Oh.

I'm so hungry.

Season 1, Episode 11
"Trapped in the Closet (Part 2)"

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Let's see, what's less filling -
soup or salad?

Don't you dare click at me
again.

Oh, my God, look who's here.
It's Max and Lee.

- What a coincidence.
- Like hell it is. What's going on?

Okay, here's the deal.
We need a favor from Lee,

and the only way he'll do it
is if he thinks it'll impress you.

Play along and I'll take you to
that Cirque du Soleil knockoff.

Oh, I love that one 'cause the girls are
a little fat, so it looks more honest.

All right, fine. You're my son.
I'll help you with your charade.

Good, and be nice.
A little flirty wouldn't hurt either.

[Clicks tongue]

Oh, wow, look who is here.

Hey, son,
I'm getting the weather report.

It's chilly today
and hot tamale.

You still haven't got it.

(Thunk) Ow.

Big boy...

Would you two
like to join us?

Spontaneity? Are you kidding?
We would love to.

Well, I hate to bring up business at what
is obviously a freak social encounter,

but, Sean, any progress
getting to Jonathan Peterson?

Not really. He's impossible to reach.
He's so above my station in life.

You know,
I love all of his products,

and I would be so impressed
if anyone knew him.

I'm assuming...?

Lee, you're grinning like
the guy on the pringles can.

- Do you know him?
- Charlie Pringles...?

Yeah, we play handball.

- No, Peterson, you big silly.
- I'm kidding.

Yeah, I know Peterson.
Gay guy, likes colors.

Would you be impressed
if I had his number in this baby?

Well, dial it
and let's find out.

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Oh, hey, Ellie. I think
your dad's at lunch.

- Good, I'm here to see you.
- Ooh, exciting.

I need some advice,
and I can't talk to my dad about it.

Oh, I've been waiting for this moment.
My little Ellie is...

Don't get gooey on me.
I need you sharp.

Copy that.

So I got invited
to this party,

but there won't be any parents home
and there are gonna be make-out games.

Jake's gonna be there,
who I kind of want to kiss,

but there are also gonna be some boys
there that I don't want to kiss,

like Nick, who never doesn't have
cheetos caught in his braces.

I don't want my dad to find out
'cause he'll just say I can't go.

- So what do I do?
- Oh, don't worry, honey.

I know exactly what to do.

I have no idea what to do.

I don't know why
she came to me.

She likes you. You're like
a role model. God help her.

It's a lot of responsibility.

I didn't know what to say,
so I told her I'd get back to her.

And to stay in school, because nobody can
get mad at you for saying that to a kid.

- What do you think?
- I feel that staying in school is key.

Ellie's never come to me
for advice before,

and if I screw this up,
she never will again.

- Come on, we can do this.
- I really feel like we can't.

We were so poor, I walked
through ten miles of snow

just to bring my grandmother
a Christmas ham.

We had to tie our shoes
with packing string

because real laces
were too expensive.

So you guys grew up with
The Little Rascals, or something?

- Children. They don't understand.
- No.

I once waited two weeks
for an iPhone.

Well, time to go
make some money.

I'll call Peterson this afternoon.
And you have been a delight.

And so have you.

Come on, son,
I'll give you a ride.

Yes, I'm going
to make money as well, father.

Well done, mom.

If I didn't know better, I'd think
you weren't totally disgusted by Lee.

I'm not disgusted by Lee.

Yes, you are.

That man came from nothing
and made something of his life.

That's admirable.

Mom, he's a pervert,
not Abraham Lincoln.

He wants you to choke him
with his tie.

Well, I'm not too old
to learn new things.

Oh, my God,
what is happening right now?

You can't be interested in him.

I'm not interested,
but I'm not not interested.

What happened to Bernard?
Remember Bernard?

[Clicking tongue]

Bernard?

Bernard is fine, but compared
to Lee, he's a little dull.

Plus, he always looks
like he's chewing something.

I forbid you to go out
with Lee.

It's gonna make things weird
with Max and me.

And Lee's a barbarian, I don't want
you to be with a guy like that.

Relax, dear.

I'm gonna still see
Bernard later,

but now he's got a little
competition, that's all.

- So let's get some dessert.
- Dessert...?

What happened to feeling bloated
and not sexy tonight?

Eh, it's just Bernard.

Ugh, I did not sleep well.

I was worried all night my mom
wasn't having sex with Bernard.

I didn't sleep well either, because
I'm trying to keep something from you.

I slept like a baby,
if anybody's wondering.

So what's going on?

[Sighs]

Ellie isn't sure if she wants
to go to a make-out party,

so she came to me for advice.

Why didn't she come to me?

Because she was afraid
you'd just say no.

Well, of course I'd say no.
It's a make-out party.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Jake's gonna be there, and he's cool,
but then there's this other guy, Nick.

Ugh, Cheetos Nick?

Lord, I just want to tell the kid,
"Try an apple."

Anyway, thanks for telling me.
I'll talk to Ellie about it.

No, no, no. Then she'll know
that I violated her confidence

and she'll never
trust me again.

And then for the rest of her teenage
years, you'll be in the dark.

And she'll be in the dark
doing crack.

Scared yet?

Okay, I'll figure out
something you can tell Ellie.

By the way, why is she
doing crack in the dark?

Do it in a well-lit hotel room,
like a mayor.

Sean, disaster,
your office.

I'm not saying there's been
a disaster in your office.

I'm saying we need to discuss
a disaster while in your office.

I'm not ruling out that there
has been a disaster in your office.

I don't know. All will be revealed
when we reach your office.

Okay, I'll get back to you
with an Ellie plan.

In the meantime, I have to go
to my office, if it's still there.

We don't know.

All will be revealed.

Sean, are you aware that our parents
went out for a drink last night?

No, they didn't. My mom
was with Bernard. Go Team Bernard.

He's a pharmacist who drives
a sensible car, and I love him.

No, she ditched Bernard so she could
boogie the night away with my father.

Are you kidding me?

Thanks for nothing, Bernard,
you soft-spoken coatrack.

They're seeing each other
again tonight.

Sean, I cannot have my father
marrying your mother.

What?

That's crazy. My mom's never
gonna marry your dad.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

Easy for you to say,
but every five years or so,

my father chases down some woman
like a bull after a rodeo clown,

and right now,
your mother is that clown.

My mother is not a rodeo clown.
If anything, she's the bull.

Then my dad is the matador.

Then I'm the owner of the bullfighting
ring which used to be a rodeo.

My point is, I am putting
a stop to this, all right?

I don't want my mom
with a guy

who uses his Martini olives
to put nipples on dinner rolls.

Good, you're engaged.
I like that.

I have a strained relationship
with my father,

and I cannot lose him again
to another wicked stepmother.

Hey, my mom is not...

Well, actually, I can see how you
might come to that conclusion.

Okay, I'm here,
and now I'm late.

- What did you have to tell me?
- Sit down.

I'm gonna say this
as nicely as possible, okay?

Please don't see Lee tonight

because he is vile, crude,
boorish, and I hate him.

I'm seeing Lee tonight.

Then promise me you won't move
things along too quickly.

Does sleeping with him
count as "too quickly"?

Yes.

- Oh, don't be such a prude.
- I'm not a prude.

Look, if you really wanna have
"sehhh" with some "mehhh,"

then I don't have a problem
with that, all right?

But I think you deserve better
than this guy.

Look, I know Lee is crass
on the outside,

but inside, he's intelligent,
he's interesting,

he can dance,
and if he's good in the sack,

I'm riding this train
as far as it goes.

- Hello, Lorna. You look nice.
- Thank you, Max.

Now, see, this one is polite
and he minds his own business.

Please don't marry my daddy.

Sean, you said you were going
to put a stop to this,

and yet father says tonight he's going
to throw a hump into your mother.

You could have said,
"Make love to my mother"...

Actually, that's not
sitting well either.

My point is,
father is leaving town tomorrow.

If we can stop them
from consummating tonight,

it'll buy us time to think
of a more long-term solution.

How do we keep them apart?

My mom's practically got
landing lights on her thighs.

I've been scheming.

And...?

I've come up with nothing.

Oh, God.

They're gonna go to dinner.
They'll go back to his room.

He will take
his "boom boom" pills,

which he says
puts the hustle in his muscle,

and then you and I
will will end up

wearing matching sailor suits
in a family portrait.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What if
he doesn't have his boom boom pills?

Do the math.
No boom boom.

Right, so what if we go
to his hotel room

while they're at dinner
and steal his pills?

And maybe some fancy shampoos and
a shower cap, because they expect that.

That's great.
This is a fantastic idea.

I feel like we should hit our fists
together and make an exploding sound.

Let's... let's see
how the evening goes first.

El cuarto del ba?o
es la capital de los huevos.

My Spanish isn't great,
but I think you just said,

"The bathroom
is the capital of eggs."

Also, that maid was Polish.

She understood the $4
I slipped her pretty well.

Oh, look, there's my mom's purse.
I'm starving.

There's got to be something
to eat in here.

Oh, look, grapes.

Ooh, protein bar.
That looks good.

Ooh, aleve. I've got
a splitting headache.

Ooh, a compass. You don't
see those much anymore.

Fine, you stay here and
run errands in my mom's purse.

I'll look for the Viagra.

In a million years, did you
ever see our parents doing this?

No.

I didn't think
there was a woman alive

who could keep my dad
away from the Asians.

Ooh, ooh, I found them!

Get the keycard out of my pocket,
sweetheart. My hands are full.

[Laughs]

- Full of me.
- Mm...

Quick, the bathroom! We'll hide
behind the shower curtain.

There's no shower curtain.
It's all beveled glass. It's so gorgeous.

- This card doesn't work.
- That's my credit card, sweetheart.

Oh, well,
I'll just keep that.

- The closet! The closet!
- The closet, go.

[Keycard scanner beeps]

Good meal, good wine,
now let's have a good time.

Phew, that was close.

Yeah, lucky us.

Now we have a front-row seat
to the worst show ever.

I liked the way you shredded that waiter
tonight for not refilling our breadbasket.

Well, how dare he tell us
we've had enough pretzel rolls?

Mm.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go freshen up.

Oh, don't be long.
Seriously, don't be long.

I've had champagne,
and without a little action,

I'll be asleep in, like,
four or five minutes.

- I'm feeling a little bit weird.
- Don't worry, we'll be out of here soon.

Your dad won't find his pills, the evening
will go South, and my mom will leave.

Yes, and then father will fall asleep
and we will sneak out.

Yeah. Quick question.
He only uses pills, right?

There's no backup steam pump
or anything?

No, no. He briefly dabbled in shots, but
brother, you got to really want it.

- Damn it.
- What's the matter?

There's no gentlemanly way
to say this,

but I seem to have misplaced
my engorgement pills.

LORNA: Oh, that's okay.
I have some.

Oh.

Here they are.
A girl is always prepared.

Lady,
I want you in my bunker.

But this is an aleve bottle.

Yes, I keep them in there so my son won't
find them when he's looking for grapes.

Wait a minute. You took
some of those pills.

Yes, which explains
the weird feeling I'm having

which has traveled South and
turned into a raging predicament.

- Oh, are you freaking serious?
- Yes, Sean.

I'm afraid I'm trapped in a closet
with an erection that just won't quit.

[Groans]

You just described
how I spent my 20s.

So, Jake,
I hope you're okay

with missing the party tonight
and coming here instead.

Are you kidding?

I was only going to that party
to hang out with you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Plus, this is, like, the best
cheeseburger I've ever had.

This is, like, the best
cheeseburger I've ever had.

I know this was all
Sean's idea,

but I still feel pretty good
about how we handled it.

Yeah, Sean may have solved the problem,
but who threw it in his lap?

Both: Us.

Sean, I don't want you to be alarmed,
but I may have to unbuckle my pants.

They're new,
and I don't want to rip them.

Okay, okay,
I am alarmed.

Try thinking
of something horrible, like...

Flesh-eating bacteria.

You know who's attractive?
Keira Knightley.

[Cell phone rings]

What's that?

I'm getting a text.

Aw, Liz sent me
a picture of Ellie.

- She's on her first date with a boy.
- Who cares?

Thanks to those pills,
so am I.

- It's our idiot kids.
- Oh, my God.

- Let's screw with their heads.
- Let's.

Lady, why don't you
take that dress off?

Or better yet, let me rip it off
with my teeth.

[Laughs]
Do it, you beast.

And then when you're done with me,
I'll stagger home in my robe.

I can't listen to that
and have you like this.

Stop moving around. I can feel
the wind hitting my area.

[Shudders]

I have to get out of here.
Attention, naked parents!

There are children in here.

Dismount!

We're coming out.

We knew you were in there,
you weirdos.

Oh.

[Laughs]

That's funny!
This is funny, huh?

Come on,
let's all laugh about it.

That was lonely.

- Son, come out.
- No, thank you.

I can't believe you.

Well, I can't believe myself.

I hope I've learned
a valuable lesson from tonight.

And no ice cream for me.

You always complain
that I butt into your life,

and then you come over here
and do...

- What exactly are you doing?
- Making a big mistake.

But it's hard not to get involved in the
life of someone you care about and...

Oh, my God,
I sound like you.

My sweet boy.

Look what you went through
to protect your mother.

I've always wanted
this kind of devotion.

But not tonight.

I was looking forward to trying
that thing with the tie.

[Groans]

I'm sorry also, father.

Way to go, dill weed.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
this whole thing happened

because you were so cold
to your son,

he was afraid to ask you
for a favor.

Yeah, why can't you show Max
some love, you mean old moose?

My son disappoints me constantly,
but I love him.

All right.

Max, I know I don't show it,

but sometimes I suppose
I love you.

So come out here
and give your dad a hug.

I've been waiting my entire life
to hear that, father.

But you know what?
I'll call you.

So we could play cards,

or backgammon,
or cribbage,

or you could just have
a pomegranate.

Mom, if you want, I'm fine
with you going back to the hotel

and having you know what
with you know who.

It's all right, dear. I'll see him
the next time he's here.

You know, with you in that closet
and Max in that state,

let's just say
you know how to turn a gal off.

[Clicks tongue]

You know what I'm saying?

I think Max wins the award for most
sexually scarred by the evening.

I wonder how he's doing.

I'm sorry to wake you, father.
I thought you were asleep.

That's okay, son.

Well, if I wasn't proud of you before,
I certainly am now.

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