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1
00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:04,306
(Knocking)
2
00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:13,994
Hi, Johnny. Can we come in for a moment?
3
00:00:14,029 --> 00:00:15,395
Yes. Yes.
4
00:00:17,331 --> 00:00:19,733
Thank you. Hello.
5
00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:21,434
Oh, hi.
6
00:00:21,469 --> 00:00:23,336
Is everything okay?
7
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,104
(Emotional) We've got some sad news.
8
00:00:25,139 --> 00:00:28,975
Uh... someone very close has died.
9
00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:31,844
- (Winces) Sorry.
- Oh...
10
00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:34,147
You remember Bob?
11
00:00:34,182 --> 00:00:37,150
No...
12
00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:39,085
You broke into his cabin and had sex
13
00:00:39,119 --> 00:00:42,155
while he and his wife
were in the next room.
14
00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:44,256
Oh... (Realizing) That's Bob.
15
00:00:44,291 --> 00:00:46,559
Yeah, Bob, who was on the town council.
16
00:00:46,593 --> 00:00:49,162
He's on the town council,
yeah... Oh, Bob died?
17
00:00:49,196 --> 00:00:50,963
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
18
00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:53,933
No. No, not Bob. Bob's brother, Carl, died.
19
00:00:56,403 --> 00:00:58,805
(Awkward silence)
20
00:01:01,108 --> 00:01:03,041
I don't know Carl.
21
00:01:03,076 --> 00:01:05,811
We barely know Bob.
22
00:01:05,845 --> 00:01:08,314
Carl thought so highly of you, Johnny.
23
00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,483
Oh... really. Well, that's nice.
24
00:01:11,518 --> 00:01:13,285
No, I honestly don't know the man.
25
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,688
Well, understandably, Bob is uh...
26
00:01:15,722 --> 00:01:17,856
Pretty broken up by all of this
27
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,793
and he asked me to ask you
if you'd be willing to um...
28
00:01:21,828 --> 00:01:25,731
be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral.
29
00:01:25,765 --> 00:01:28,466
A pallbearer... Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:32,904
at Carl's funeral. Well, I don't, um...
31
00:01:32,939 --> 00:01:35,741
I, you know, I-I'm flattered.
32
00:01:35,775 --> 00:01:37,709
It's-it's quite
an honour to be-
33
00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:39,144
- I knew he would say yes.
- Yeah.
34
00:01:39,178 --> 00:01:41,880
And-and normally I would... I would.
35
00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:44,715
I-I-I, you know, but
my back. I have uh...
36
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,884
I... I-I have back issues.
37
00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:48,352
- Honey? You know, my back.
- What?
38
00:01:48,386 --> 00:01:49,586
- The thing with my back.
- Your back!
39
00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:52,389
Oh, it's... it's terrible.
40
00:01:52,423 --> 00:01:56,260
And his arms are so weak.
Little muscles like corn nuts.
41
00:01:56,294 --> 00:01:58,262
Yeah, yeah, we're just talking
about my back, sweetheart.
42
00:01:58,296 --> 00:02:00,530
It's awful.
43
00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:02,466
I don't know what we're gonna tell Bob.
44
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,236
He's gonna be so disappointed.
45
00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:08,571
Yeah... yeah. Well, life can
kick you in the teeth sometimes.
46
00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:12,008
Mm. Well, that's not gonna help
Bob out too much there, Johnny.
47
00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:14,043
Mm. Yeah. Shouldn't bother Carl.
48
00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:21,651
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
- www.addic7ed.com -
49
00:02:21,685 --> 00:02:23,552
(Baby wails outside)
50
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:35,964
(Car doors open and close)
51
00:02:35,999 --> 00:02:37,766
(Bottles clatter)
52
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:39,921
(Screaming) I said bring
the goddamn diaper bag!
53
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:42,871
Uh, babe, I'm getting the cooler right now
54
00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:44,439
in case you didn't notice.
55
00:02:44,473 --> 00:02:45,640
Well, Denim has needed a diaper change
56
00:02:45,675 --> 00:02:47,475
since before we left the house!
57
00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:49,077
Oh my God.
58
00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:50,879
What?
59
00:02:50,914 --> 00:02:53,881
Some townie douchebag
is moving in next door.
60
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:57,618
They've got a baby.
61
00:02:57,652 --> 00:02:58,219
(Loud blast outside,
David gasps, terrified)
62
00:02:58,253 --> 00:02:59,553
Agh! (Gasps)
63
00:02:59,587 --> 00:03:00,955
Is there a gun?
64
00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:02,423
(Baby wails)
65
00:03:02,457 --> 00:03:03,590
(Frustrated scream)
66
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:05,993
(Bottle crashes and shatters)
67
00:03:06,028 --> 00:03:07,228
- Oh... no.
- Jesus! What the hell did you
68
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,030
- throw that for?!
- It's still too hot.
69
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,065
It's 20 seconds in the microwave
not 20 minutes, you tool!
70
00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:13,200
You've lost it. You've lost it.
71
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,002
What the hell are you so rattled about?
72
00:03:16,037 --> 00:03:19,539
(Bag thumps loudly, baby wails outside)
73
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,842
- What are you doing?
- Um, I'm gonna go stay at Ted's
74
00:03:21,876 --> 00:03:23,676
because I've been on enough spring breaks
75
00:03:23,711 --> 00:03:27,513
to know how this is gonna
end, and it's not... not good.
76
00:03:27,548 --> 00:03:29,782
You're just gonna leave
me here with these people?!
77
00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:31,751
Yeah. Like I don't feel good about it.
78
00:03:31,785 --> 00:03:34,387
Um, hello! Hello!
79
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:36,756
Is anybody in that hollow chest?
80
00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,358
(Baby wails outside)
81
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,293
(Birds chirp)
82
00:03:41,328 --> 00:03:43,563
(Door opens, door bells jingle)
83
00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:49,935
Hey, Bob. How are you holding up?
84
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,904
Oh... you know. Not bad.
85
00:03:54,741 --> 00:03:56,175
You know, they say death is just life
86
00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:58,377
except you're not here.
87
00:03:58,411 --> 00:04:01,146
You're somewhere else, you know? But...
88
00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:03,815
But that's okay because
at least you're somewhere,
89
00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:04,984
you know? But when does...
90
00:04:05,018 --> 00:04:07,219
When does somewhere become there?
91
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,388
And when does there become here?
92
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:10,655
- And I... it
- Just, just a coffee, please.
93
00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:11,390
- For here?
- Yeah.
94
00:04:11,424 --> 00:04:12,424
Okay.
95
00:04:14,593 --> 00:04:17,828
(Music plays quietly,
dishes and cutlery clink)
96
00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:22,100
(Gasps) Bob.
97
00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,769
- Hi, Johnny.
- Oh, hi... hi.
98
00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:27,138
You mind if I join you?
99
00:04:27,172 --> 00:04:28,873
I could use a little company today.
100
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:31,509
Oh, no, no. You-you stay where you are
101
00:04:31,543 --> 00:04:34,712
and I'll... I'll come over there.
102
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,213
(Grimacing and grunting) Oh! Ooh, baby.
103
00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:37,782
Ooh, wow. Ugh.
104
00:04:40,385 --> 00:04:44,789
Yikes! That's... That hurts today.
105
00:04:44,823 --> 00:04:48,258
Yeah, Roland, he told me
about your back and I...
106
00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:50,227
I am so sorry.
107
00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:52,662
Well... well, I'm the one who's sorry, Bob.
108
00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:56,800
You know, hearing about your,
uh, brother... C-C-Chris-
109
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,002
- Carl.
- Carl. Yeah, he was a good man.
110
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,703
A good man. He admired you, Johnny.
111
00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:01,805
And I him. Yeah.
112
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,640
And I him.
113
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,875
Listen, uh, I understand about your back...
114
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,978
Yeah... (Grimaces)
115
00:05:08,012 --> 00:05:11,181
And... I was just uh.. Just wondering
116
00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:14,250
if, uh, maybe you could say
a few words at the funeral?
117
00:05:14,284 --> 00:05:16,920
(Coughs)
118
00:05:16,954 --> 00:05:19,322
Well, the thing, uh, the thing is, uh, Bob,
119
00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:22,559
I-I-I don't feel I
deserve that... honor.
120
00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:26,028
Oh, see, I'm uh... I'm
no good at these things.
121
00:05:26,063 --> 00:05:29,231
You know, you, you're... You're polished.
122
00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,100
You know, you're... You're well-spoken.
123
00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:33,069
Oh no. No, no. Not really. Not really.
124
00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:35,605
I mean, I'm good one on one,
125
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,539
but not-not good in a public situation.
126
00:05:37,574 --> 00:05:38,941
I clam up pret-pretty good.
127
00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:41,143
As a favor, Johnny.
128
00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:43,245
He must have had a few close friends,
129
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:46,515
- somebody that
- No one.
130
00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:49,452
Well, sure. Sure. I can
say a few words, Bob.
131
00:05:49,486 --> 00:05:52,721
I'll say a few words.
132
00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:55,824
(Music plays quietly,
approaching footsteps)
133
00:05:55,859 --> 00:05:58,494
Have you seen the couple that checked in?
134
00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:02,531
They're like really scummy.
Like... very skaggy people,
135
00:06:02,565 --> 00:06:05,400
who happened to produce a child
136
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,302
that hasn't been taken away from them yet.
137
00:06:07,336 --> 00:06:08,871
Imagine being related to them.
138
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,639
No, I can't. It's too early.
139
00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:15,210
- They're my cousins.
- Oh! Well, the um...
140
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,545
The baby's relatively normal looking.
141
00:06:17,579 --> 00:06:18,946
No, no they're definitely skaggy.
142
00:06:18,981 --> 00:06:22,282
My God, they're so skaggy.
143
00:06:22,317 --> 00:06:24,418
Hmm. Wait, so you're related to Carl?
144
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,654
Not genetically.
145
00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:30,090
My mom's sister was married to
Carl. Carl is Sean's step-dad.
146
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,526
And was that a factor
in the cause of death?
147
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,094
I wouldn't be surprised.
148
00:06:34,129 --> 00:06:36,530
They broke up just before
Sean got Bree pregnant.
149
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,999
Or someone got Bree pregnant.
150
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,034
I mean, Bree's not exactly fussy
151
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,037
when it comes to introducing
men to her vagina.
152
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,471
Mm. Charming.
153
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:48,241
(Car rumbles by)
154
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,877
(Bag thumps on chair)
155
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,947
Tell me it's not always this clean in here.
156
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,015
No, it's-it's always this clean.
157
00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:57,716
Oh... it smells so fresh!
158
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,585
Uh... that's the Febreeze.
159
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,787
I was... I was eating
Indian last night, so...
160
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,323
So much better than the motel.
161
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,026
At least you know what the smell is.
162
00:07:07,061 --> 00:07:08,994
(Squeals happily)
163
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,029
(Kissing)
164
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,100
(Paws skitter across on floor)
165
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,900
Oh, ho-oh! Oh... (Laughs)
166
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,002
Hey, come on now, you two, Oh, hi! Hi.
167
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,638
- Come on.
- Hi there. Ooh!
168
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:24,042
Oh-ho-ho... there's a good
girl. There's a good girl!
169
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:27,845
- They're so...
- Well, Macy and Fifer are just staying with me
170
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,314
for a couple of weeks until
they get back on their feet.
171
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,283
Isn't that right, Fifey?
172
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,518
Yeah, your worms are almost
all gone, aren't they?
173
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,419
Yeah...
174
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,521
Is that a diaper on that little cutie?
175
00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:40,691
Yup. Oh! You know what though? Whoa
-'kay. This is just...
176
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,759
This is because she's...
She's... She's scared right now.
177
00:07:42,794 --> 00:07:44,295
But don't worry.
178
00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,330
I can tell that you
are gonna win them over.
179
00:07:46,364 --> 00:07:48,566
- Yeah... ?
- Yeah.
180
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,935
I just-I haven't um...
been... I haven't-I don't-
181
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,769
I'm not around dogs a lot,
so... (Laughs nervously)
182
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:54,670
No, you know what? Don't even worry about.
183
00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,906
Just... for tonight,
184
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,476
think of them as... our kids. (Dogs pant)
185
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:02,378
Right? Oh yeah...
186
00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,481
John, you're speaking at the funeral?
187
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:07,217
The man was weeping.
What was I supposed to do?
188
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:08,884
You take his hands in yours,
189
00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:12,154
you look him in the eye, and say, "no."
190
00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:14,823
What do you say about guy
you couldn't care less about?
191
00:08:14,857 --> 00:08:17,593
Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's
funeral all over again.
192
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,827
- Who's Gord
what's-his-name? - Exactly.
193
00:08:18,861 --> 00:08:21,430
He was some kind of
crew-person on Sunrise Bay.
194
00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:24,833
I made an obligatory
appearance at the service
195
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:27,503
and his hysterical girlfriend
cornered me into saying a few words.
196
00:08:27,537 --> 00:08:28,897
I didn't have a thought in my head,
197
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,472
so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy."
198
00:08:30,507 --> 00:08:31,839
Not a dry eye in the house.
199
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:32,906
Huh...
200
00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:35,676
(Crickets chirp)
201
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,345
God, I love this bed.
202
00:08:40,449 --> 00:08:42,550
I'm so glad you're not my brother.
203
00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:45,453
Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty glad about that too.
204
00:08:45,487 --> 00:08:48,489
But let me assure you,
tonight it is just you and me.
205
00:08:48,524 --> 00:08:49,723
(Happy sigh)
206
00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:51,058
(Kissing)
207
00:08:54,828 --> 00:08:57,096
(Playful giggle, gasping)
208
00:08:57,131 --> 00:09:00,667
(Kissing)
209
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:02,602
(Panting) Um...
210
00:09:02,637 --> 00:09:05,838
Hey, the little guy is looking at us.
211
00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:09,209
Oh, yeah, dogs sometimes do that.
212
00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:10,910
(Kissing)
213
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,314
(Panting)
214
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:21,421
Um... maybe we could
invite it to... go? Go away.
215
00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,723
Oh, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine.
216
00:09:23,757 --> 00:09:25,524
(Kissing)
217
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,994
(Collar jingles)
218
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:31,163
Oh, now you want in on
the action, too, huh?
219
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:34,800
Okay, the... the big one
is sniffing the diaper.
220
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,534
Does... does that mean it's full?
221
00:09:36,569 --> 00:09:38,103
- Okay.
- What is... ?
222
00:09:38,137 --> 00:09:40,939
Okay, you guys, just give
us a little bit of time here
223
00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:44,209
and then you can come
sleep with us, okay? Okay?
224
00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:46,044
Okay, where were we?
225
00:09:46,079 --> 00:09:47,713
- Hmm...
- Mm...
226
00:09:47,747 --> 00:09:50,215
(Kissing, dogs start growling)
227
00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,483
(Barking)
228
00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:55,153
(Mouthing) Out! Out!
229
00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:58,388
(Dogs continue barking)
230
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,826
(Loud rock music plays,
people chatter and laugh)
231
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,961
Pass the chips!
232
00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:06,363
(Beer bottles clink)
233
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,298
(Knocking) Hello. Excuse me.
234
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,499
(Loudly) Excuse me!
235
00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:10,901
- Hey!
- Excuse me!
236
00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:13,170
- Hey! Go.
- Excuse me, hi.
237
00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,872
Oh, Buttons,
238
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,540
I don't think you're
invited to this one, huh?
239
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,474
I don't wanna be invited to this one.
240
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:19,743
(Laughing) Hey, look
who it is. It's your dad.
241
00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:21,211
- He's here to take you home!
- Yeah, yeah...
242
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:23,813
- Remember that?!
- Yeah! (Laughs)
243
00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:24,547
You remember that one?! (Laughing)
244
00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,083
No.
245
00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:29,152
- I'm just pumpin' your tires, bud!
- Okay.
246
00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:31,020
Look, what you gotta understand
247
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,322
is that my ex-stepdad just died,
248
00:10:33,357 --> 00:10:35,859
so we're here celebrating his life, okay?
249
00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:38,261
Okay, you all seem very devastated by this.
250
00:10:38,295 --> 00:10:40,296
I need you to turn-mm.
251
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:43,866
I need you to turn the music down, okay?
252
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:47,536
Because I-I'm trying to get
couple hours... Sleep tonight.
253
00:10:47,571 --> 00:10:50,906
Oh, sleep? Well, you know
who's sleeping forever, bud?
254
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,642
- Your ex-stepdad, yeah.
- My ex-stepdad, yeah.
255
00:10:52,676 --> 00:10:55,210
- Yup, yeah.
- Damn, that's sad...
256
00:10:55,245 --> 00:10:57,012
- Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it..
- Are we out of mix?
257
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:58,713
Thank you.
258
00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,152
Oh my God.
259
00:11:03,186 --> 00:11:04,552
(Drunkenly) Don't...
260
00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:08,556
Oh my... (Mouths) Oh my God!
261
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:10,025
I am so sorry. They got me...
262
00:11:12,162 --> 00:11:13,395
(Drunk whisper) They got me wasted.
263
00:11:13,429 --> 00:11:15,264
- Mm-hmm. - I
hate them, okay?
264
00:11:15,298 --> 00:11:17,432
I hate them so much.
265
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:21,035
You smell... very flammable right now.
266
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:23,337
Yes, I'm sure...
267
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:27,374
I'm gonna need you to get
them to turn it down, okay?
268
00:11:27,409 --> 00:11:29,177
- Yes!
- Yeah.
269
00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:31,345
(Music plays loudly, Sean laughs)
270
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:34,615
- Hi, Denim.
- Hi, sweetie pie.
271
00:11:34,649 --> 00:11:36,550
David, I so sorry.
272
00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:51,024
- Johnny.
- Hello, Bob.
273
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,659
Moira, so good of you to come.
274
00:11:53,694 --> 00:11:56,596
John said we had no choice.
275
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,031
Listen, we have some good seats down front.
276
00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,185
Oh, that's very nice.
277
00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:05,337
Boy, what a beautiful day for a... funeral.
278
00:12:09,042 --> 00:12:11,243
(Low murmurs, organ music plays)
279
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:18,408
Bob... in case I wanna
mention this in my remarks,
280
00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,775
how-how did Carl go?
281
00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:24,246
Well, it was a bit of a
freak accident, really.
282
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,615
Apparently, he was trying to
unhook his belt from the ceiling fan
283
00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:31,086
and... apparently it... It
got knotted around his neck.
284
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,854
(Alarmed) What?
285
00:12:32,888 --> 00:12:34,156
Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole thing
286
00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,391
would've come down, you know,
287
00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:41,662
keeping a fan and a body
spinning up there for two days.
288
00:12:41,696 --> 00:12:45,032
But uh... Carl found the studs on that one.
289
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,867
Oh... Yeah... (Chuckles)
290
00:12:46,901 --> 00:12:47,969
That's craftsmanship.
291
00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:50,104
Oh, yeah.
292
00:12:50,138 --> 00:12:53,007
But that uh... That was Carl.
293
00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:55,309
(Organ music plays,
mourners murmur quietly)
294
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,947
(Birds chirp)
295
00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,483
Do you even know what that stain is or... ?
296
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,386
Uh... I'm worried if I
did, I wouldn't clean it up.
297
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,257
Why are you cleaning it up?
298
00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:16,029
Sadly, um, I threw most of
the broken glass you see here.
299
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,097
You were a bit of a mess last night.
300
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,831
They told you?
301
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,968
Oh, no, no. We had a
full-blown conversation.
302
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,537
You were barely clinging to consciousness.
303
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,572
Oh. Sorry.
304
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,877
Did I try and make out with you?
305
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,746
- Mm-mm.
- Good.
306
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,149
But now I'm worried I
made out with someone else.
307
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,551
Uh, it's kind of my go-to
when I'm a little boozy.
308
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:43,287
Mm. Mine's shame eating,
so yours sounds more fun.
309
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,089
(Laughs)
310
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,590
Huh. (Chuckles)
311
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,227
Um...
312
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,062
Is this your thong or... ?
313
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:55,233
Yeah, no. Bree's a real classy girl.
314
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:57,535
Uh, his was wrapped around the remote.
315
00:13:57,569 --> 00:13:59,170
Don't worry, I threw out the remote.
316
00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,638
Hmm.
317
00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:04,508
Well, it looks like
they have a side hustle.
318
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:07,945
Uh, I'm pretty sure she strips. Why?
319
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:10,113
Oh no, this is just a lot of um...
320
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:13,283
- Yes, it is.
- Marijuana. (Sniffs)
321
00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:15,586
And if you're offering, my answer is yes.
322
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,021
(Bag rustles)
323
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,528
Thank you for that, Shannon.
324
00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:28,097
Nothing says we'll miss you like
an excerpt from "Breaking Dawn,"
325
00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:30,466
one of Carl's favourites
of the Twilight movies.
326
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,634
(Mourner cries, baby wails)
327
00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,303
Now, to say a few words,
328
00:14:34,337 --> 00:14:36,272
I'd like to bring up a close friend
329
00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:38,140
and one of Carl's personal heroes...
330
00:14:38,175 --> 00:14:39,943
(Baby wails)
331
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:41,510
Johnny Rose. (Mourners clap and murmur)
332
00:14:44,747 --> 00:14:46,848
(Baby wails, mourner coughs)
333
00:14:50,053 --> 00:14:51,587
Thank you... minister.
334
00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:57,059
Carl...
335
00:14:57,093 --> 00:14:58,526
What to say about Carl... ?
336
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:04,299
Once so full of life
337
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:07,735
and now... lying... very, very close to me.
338
00:15:10,038 --> 00:15:11,706
What a terrible thing death is...
339
00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:17,078
And yet, for Carl,
340
00:15:17,112 --> 00:15:19,113
pretty much an all-consuming
thing at this point.
341
00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:21,048
(Mourner cries)
342
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:23,084
He-he was a- he was
a man who loved...
343
00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:26,553
A good sweater I'm told.
344
00:15:29,056 --> 00:15:31,558
And-and he loved the feel
of big tool in his hand,
345
00:15:31,593 --> 00:15:34,161
am I right, Bob?
346
00:15:34,195 --> 00:15:36,563
And I wonder,
347
00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:40,199
when Carl was spinning
around on that ceiling fan
348
00:15:40,234 --> 00:15:42,935
that he was so very proud of,
349
00:15:42,969 --> 00:15:46,539
was he ever thinking of this town...
350
00:15:46,573 --> 00:15:49,342
where he was born where he lived,
351
00:15:49,376 --> 00:15:51,477
and where he died... Where he died.
352
00:15:55,382 --> 00:15:58,484
But I-I-I'm not
up here today
353
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:02,720
to speak about dying in Schitt's Creek.
354
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:06,991
(Cell phone rings)
I'm-I'm here-I'm-
355
00:16:07,026 --> 00:16:09,327
(Phone beeps on) (Bleep!)
Where the hell are you, Sean?!
356
00:16:09,362 --> 00:16:11,630
At a bar?!
357
00:16:11,664 --> 00:16:13,298
If anyone should be in
a bar right now, it's me.
358
00:16:13,332 --> 00:16:14,732
(Baby wails)
359
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,169
(Bleep) Sean! (Mourners gasp)
360
00:16:17,203 --> 00:16:21,540
(Baby wails) Excuse me.
361
00:16:21,574 --> 00:16:25,075
Well... I-I am here to talk
about dying in Schitt's Creek!
362
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:28,679
I'm here to talk about the
misery of our lives here
363
00:16:28,713 --> 00:16:31,715
and how we might never escape this place,
364
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:34,652
and how we do not wanna end
up in a coffin, like Carl,
365
00:16:34,686 --> 00:16:37,754
here in this... godforsaken-
366
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:41,158
Oh, Danny boy,
367
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:48,799
the pipes, the pipes are calling...
368
00:16:53,104 --> 00:16:57,007
From Glen to Glen
(Mourners join in)
369
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,542
And down the Mountain side
370
00:17:02,714 --> 00:17:04,748
(making up lyrics)
but God...
371
00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:08,050
(Birds chirp)
372
00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:11,220
So... I'm sorry
373
00:17:11,254 --> 00:17:15,290
if, earlier, I wasn't
sensitive to your animal issues.
374
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,060
And if it's any consolation,
the dogs told me to tell you
375
00:17:18,095 --> 00:17:22,331
that they're super embarrassed
about their behaviour, too.
376
00:17:22,365 --> 00:17:25,767
Well, I am dating a vet.
I should've known that...
377
00:17:25,801 --> 00:17:28,136
There'd be slutty little
animals running around.
378
00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:30,004
And I only take in the slutty ones, so...
379
00:17:30,039 --> 00:17:31,672
(Laughs)
380
00:17:31,707 --> 00:17:33,374
I just... I didn't know what to do
381
00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:36,377
because I love the dogs so much, but...
382
00:17:36,411 --> 00:17:40,949
You know, I also really love...
383
00:17:40,983 --> 00:17:45,653
The way that our relationship
is going right now... so much.
384
00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:48,155
Mm... such a sweet face. (Both laugh)
385
00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:50,691
So, to get you more
comfortable around animals...
386
00:17:50,726 --> 00:17:52,693
Not a puppy, Ted! I...
387
00:17:52,728 --> 00:17:54,328
No, that would be cruel to the puppy.
388
00:17:54,363 --> 00:17:56,697
No, I got you... this.
389
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,969
"Opening your heart to
animals: A guide to the benefits
390
00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:05,038
of caring for something
other than yourself."
391
00:18:05,073 --> 00:18:06,774
It's a very specific book.
392
00:18:06,808 --> 00:18:09,843
You might wanna check out page 37.
393
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:10,878
(Pages flip)
394
00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:14,681
(Whispers excitedly) Is it a credit card?
395
00:18:14,715 --> 00:18:17,651
No. It's a room key...
396
00:18:17,685 --> 00:18:20,320
To the premium king suite
397
00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:22,389
at the Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale,
398
00:18:22,423 --> 00:18:25,125
and they have a very strict
no pets allowed policy.
399
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,660
Well... it just so happens
400
00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:30,062
that I have packed my overnight bag.
401
00:18:30,097 --> 00:18:32,165
- Hmm.
- Come here.
402
00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:35,101
(Kiss)
403
00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:36,702
- Thank you.
- No. Thank you.
404
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,137
- No. Thank you!
- Thank you.
405
00:18:38,172 --> 00:18:38,871
- Thank you!
- Thank you.
406
00:18:38,906 --> 00:18:39,906
Thank you!
407
00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:41,473
(Bird chirp)
408
00:18:44,211 --> 00:18:45,477
You know where I got my hat, brah?
409
00:18:45,512 --> 00:18:47,179
Where?
410
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,281
"Assholes' R 'Us".
411
00:18:49,315 --> 00:18:51,116
(Both giggle)
412
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:53,584
(Laughing)
413
00:18:57,056 --> 00:18:59,191
(Car doors bang shut outside) Oh! Ow!
414
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,759
(Baby wails outside) Oh! Oh my God.
415
00:19:01,794 --> 00:19:03,829
Oh my God! We need to go.
416
00:19:03,863 --> 00:19:05,830
We need to go! We need to go!
417
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,400
(Panicked whisper) I don't
see it... I don't see it.
418
00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:11,501
- Let me see
it- - Shhh...
419
00:19:11,536 --> 00:19:13,437
(Keys jingle, lock tumbles)
420
00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:14,604
(Panicked breaths)
421
00:19:16,908 --> 00:19:18,342
(Door bangs shut, baby wails)
422
00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:19,977
The (Bleep)?!
423
00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:21,651
Shhhhhh! (Stifled laughter)
424
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:27,784
(Whispering) My hat.. I'm wearing it.
425
00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:29,052
I'm wearing it...
426
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,753
(Stifles a laugh)
427
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,488
(Both laughing)
428
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,159
(Kissing, Stevie slams into door)
429
00:19:36,193 --> 00:19:38,033
(Beer bottle scrape door,
Stevie grunts softly)
430
00:19:38,996 --> 00:19:41,464
(Panting and kissing)
431
00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:44,767
(Crash)
432
00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:55,344
So I'm thinking to myself,
433
00:19:55,378 --> 00:19:57,814
"Oh, God, what if die here?"
434
00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:01,184
Mm. That was not lost on anyone.
435
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:03,152
Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches
436
00:20:03,187 --> 00:20:04,753
and make a gracious French exit.
437
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,588
Good idea.
438
00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:14,661
Moira! Your "Danny Boy"... What a voice.
439
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,665
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
440
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,834
I-I'd really like you to
sing at my cousin's funeral.
441
00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:20,336
She's not dead, but...
442
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:23,372
She's been coughing a lot lately.
443
00:20:23,406 --> 00:20:25,808
Moira, before they close the coffin,
444
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:28,210
One more chorus for Carl?
445
00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,511
Please?
446
00:20:30,546 --> 00:20:31,912
(Chuckles awkwardly)
447
00:20:31,947 --> 00:20:34,915
(Mourners laugh and clap)
448
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:36,451
Take your time, honey.
449
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,386
(Clears throat awkwardly)
450
00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:44,959
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh...
451
00:20:47,528 --> 00:20:50,029
Oh...
(Inhales deeply)
452
00:20:52,032 --> 00:20:54,401
Danny...
453
00:20:57,638 --> 00:20:59,305
(Silence)
454
00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:02,476
Boy...
455
00:21:04,211 --> 00:21:06,012
(Chewing loudly)
456
00:21:06,046 --> 00:21:08,982
The pipes, the pipes are...
457
00:21:11,518 --> 00:21:13,719
Call-all-all-ling...
458
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,288
It's our annual
459
00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:17,323
Hawaiian night.
460
00:21:17,325 --> 00:21:19,259
Pineapples, pig on the spit,
461
00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:20,593
the whole nine yards.
462
00:21:20,595 --> 00:21:22,428
Oh, you, uh, roast pig?
463
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:23,897
We do!
464
00:21:23,899 --> 00:21:25,765
So, who's pig do we have to
465
00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:26,832
slaughter to get an invite?
466
00:21:27,924 --> 00:21:30,924
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
- www.addic7ed.com -
467
00:21:30,974 --> 00:21:35,524
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