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1
00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:01,833
[sorrowful music]
2
00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:03,836
- Adult mark (vo): By the age of twelve,
3
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,304
I had seen more corpses than most coroners.
4
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,073
My family didn't throw parties.
5
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,575
We didn't go to restaurants.
6
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:11,243
We socialized at wakes.
7
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,713
- Mary: It's a sin, alice,
but hardly a surprise.
8
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,850
He was such a heavy smoker
and all.
9
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,585
And all your second-hand smoke
didn't help either.
10
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,587
[wailing]
11
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,255
Oh, but, still, dear,
this is not on you.
12
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,791
Oh, there, there.
13
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,259
You just let it
all out, girl, yes.
14
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,661
[weeping]
15
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,262
- Hell of a man.
16
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,598
We lost
a good one.
17
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,334
- My life was more wakes than birthday parties
18
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:39,905
And so I grew to lovethe company that death brought.
19
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:42,140
- Hm, say one for me
while you're down there.
20
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,576
- There was only one other person
21
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,211
Who loved a wake as much as me...
22
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,346
My pop.
23
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,549
- Oh, sweet jesus,
what an ugly corpse!
24
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,351
I've seen
christmas hamper turkeys
25
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,819
That were
better-stuffed.
26
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,354
- I wouldn't be caught dead
in that suit.
27
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,556
- Mm-hm.
28
00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,057
Oh! Oh.
29
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:00,258
I'm so sorry
for your loss.
30
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,562
They did a really good job
on him.
31
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:07,099
- 90 years old
and he died too young.
32
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,902
- He looks
just like himself.
33
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,038
A-and beautiful suit
you've got on him.
34
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:15,574
Oh.
35
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,111
Oh, it's all right.
36
00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,313
[teacup rattling]
37
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,250
I can't tell whether
he's come to pay his respects,
38
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,986
Or crawl in with the corpses.
39
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,256
- Well, here comes
the honourable member,
40
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,658
Sniffing around for votes.
41
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,360
Tactless - I mean,
the body isn't even cold.
42
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,195
- Well, the soup is, though.
43
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,797
Shocking!
Agh!
44
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,302
[emotional music]
45
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,714
- I'll be right back.
46
00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,952
- Pst! Do you want these?
47
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:00,886
- No.
48
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,220
- Oh, really?
49
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,889
Hm.
50
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,124
[humming]
51
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,302
- Paying your respects?
52
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,438
Well,
[giggles]
53
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,039
Came to the right undertaker.
54
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:22,240
Mr. Anderson is the best.
55
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,643
Top-notch.
56
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,343
I'm here for my
great-uncle.
57
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,180
Natural causes - no kids.
58
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,547
Lived a good, clean life.
59
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,015
No reason for tears.
60
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,789
It's not scary.
61
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,457
It's just like
a birthday party,
62
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,226
But in reverse.
63
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,695
Well, no presents,
just flowers.
64
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,931
But you do get cards.
65
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,466
When I go,
I want my obituary to read
66
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,068
"lordy, lordy,
look who's dead."
67
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,403
Maybe some plastic flamingos
on my grave?
68
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,606
- You know, I could--
- I never seen
69
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,074
A dead body before.
70
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,209
- Her first corpse!
71
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,610
I couldn't believe my luck.
72
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,679
I didn't play hockey; I couldn't dance,
73
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,480
But if there was one thing I could do,
74
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,415
It was work a funeral home.
75
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,251
- Allow me.
76
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,290
[clattering glasses]
77
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,958
[animated conversations]
78
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,494
This was more like a party than a wake.
79
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,295
The dead I could handle.
80
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,930
It was the living I feared.
81
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,699
- Don't worry.
82
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,167
I go to one of these
a week.
83
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,472
- I'd never seen a young corpse before.
84
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,107
A jean jacket?
85
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,308
I didn't know caul's had casual Friday.
86
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,479
And the number seven basic-model plywood casket with no inlay
87
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:38,250
And an off-white crepe interiorthat seemed almost phoned in.
88
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,584
I was surprised they didn't just
89
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,520
Throw him in a plastic bag and toss him in the harbour.
90
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,522
- So, who do
we have here?
91
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,323
- My uncle darby.
92
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:48,126
He moved away
when I was young.
93
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,061
- Natural causes, or...
94
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,730
- He got
stabbed in jail.
95
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,397
Everyone's gonna say he--
96
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,599
- "passed away suddenly."
97
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,803
That's how they'll write it up
in the paper.
98
00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,704
Don't worry.
99
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,807
No one'll know.
100
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,417
- Get up,
darby!
101
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,353
You're not gonna let
a few old stabs
102
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,887
Keep ya' down, are ya?
103
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,723
- He's gone, boy,
let him go!
104
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,424
- You let go of me!
What are you even doing here?
105
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,692
You didn't even
like darby!
106
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,394
- What are you
talking about?
107
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,262
- Want to
get out of here?
108
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,363
I know
a quiet little place
109
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,766
Where we could
get a bite to eat.
110
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,836
- Pop:
The woman over there.
111
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,838
How long
and what cause?
112
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,306
- Easy.
113
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,973
She's got, like,
12 years, max.
114
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,175
Heart attack.
115
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,777
- Hm, okay, hm.
116
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,379
- Buddy over there
with the long face
117
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,181
Over by the mass cards?
118
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,317
- His mother lived
'til she was 92.
119
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,518
But he smokes a pipe.
120
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,453
Put him down
for six years.
121
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,522
Hm.
122
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,157
Okay, missy:
123
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,524
Your turn.
124
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,494
All right,
that woman over there
125
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,261
Kneeling by the casket.
126
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,598
- Two years.
Hit by a truck?
127
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,701
- Oh-ho!
She's a keeper!
128
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,069
I like the way
she thinks. Ha.
129
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,371
- Come on.
130
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,239
I got us a ride
with alice.
131
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,209
- There's always room
in a widow's car.
132
00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,912
- We're between cars.
133
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,286
- Thanks for being
so sweet.
134
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,687
I better
find my mom.
135
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,657
- And there it was:
136
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,658
My first kiss.
137
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,426
And it happened in a funeral home,
138
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,696
Which would be strange for some, but not for me.
139
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,765
It was as natural as if it had gone down
140
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,234
At a garden party. And why not?
141
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,370
The legion made the sandwiches for both events.
142
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,037
- Things are
looking up.
143
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,911
♪♪
144
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,182
- The next day she wasn't in school.
145
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,850
I wanted to ask where she was,
146
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,885
But I didn't even know her name!
147
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,320
- Attention,
children!
148
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,790
Mr. Chafe is concerned
149
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,925
That part of your education
is lacking.
150
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,328
- I didn't mean for--
- oh, don't.
151
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,131
You wanted it taught
and so it will be taught.
152
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:06,664
By you.
153
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,966
Take it away.
154
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,736
- Huh.
155
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,241
[giggling]
156
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,278
- Children!
157
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,880
Go ahead,
mr. Chafe.
158
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,481
I expect to learn
a thing or two myself.
159
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,450
[sighs]
[clears throat]
160
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,821
- You're young men
and women now
161
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,424
And your bodies
are going to start to change.
162
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,660
The boys are going
to start to wear deodorant
163
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,795
And the girls
are gonna start wearing...
164
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,864
You know.
165
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:41,700
There comes a time
in life--
166
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,135
Yes, fox?
167
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:45,703
- Do you mean sex?
168
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,305
- Yes!
- No!
169
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,308
I told you
if we taught reproduction
170
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,543
It would devolve into
a conversation about...
171
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,112
[gulp]
sex!
172
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,581
- I already knew everything I needed to know
173
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,683
About the birds and the bees.
174
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,118
I was in love.
175
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:02,787
[heated discussion
continues in background]
176
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,689
- What's her name?
- Huh?
177
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,490
- What's her name?
178
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,793
- Feeling chatty?
179
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,994
Why don't you
tell us
180
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,062
The parts of the
reproductive system?
181
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,132
See?
182
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,433
[scoffs]
183
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,869
Children are just too young
to learn about such things.
184
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,272
- Womb, fallopian tubes,
ovaries.
185
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,873
But you don't have
any of that, ritchie.
186
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,675
You only got
a dicky bird.
187
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:24,943
- [giggling]
- look what you started!
188
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,346
- You're the one who asked
what a dicky-bird was, sister.
189
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,949
Not a very appropriate question,
if you ask me.
190
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,353
- I will see you
in your office after school.
191
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,689
[mischievous music]
192
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,461
- Get out your bibles.
193
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,396
[groaning]
194
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,735
♪♪
195
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,739
- Dick:
Hello, neighbour!
196
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,374
What a surprise.
197
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,576
Need a cup of sugar
or you already sweet enough?
198
00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,644
- No, I need
a car, though.
199
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,113
Sick of
bumming rides.
200
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,782
How much are you
selling her for?
201
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:04,716
How about a deal
for an old friend?
202
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,652
- Oh, no, mary,
you don't want this one.
203
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,620
Station told me
to get rid of her.
204
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,055
Shocks are gone
and the brake pads
205
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:11,856
Are as bald
as the tires.
206
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,859
Besides,
mike would kill me.
207
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,861
- Mike's not the one buying her,
though, is he?
208
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,997
Now, you take me
for a test drive right now
209
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,600
Or I'm going to go into that
station and tell mr. Butler
210
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,769
That you're refusing to sell
his junk because you're sexist!
211
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,337
[bright music]
212
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,483
- You're not eating.
213
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,684
- I'm not hungry.
214
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,987
- You're in love
with the fox!
215
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,688
- You crazy?
Why would you say that?
216
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,890
- You must
like somebody.
217
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,626
You look miserable
and she's the only girl
218
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:48,893
That will
talk to us.
219
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,896
- Okay.
220
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,698
But promise
you won't say anything.
221
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,237
(whispering)
I like what's-her-name.
222
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,571
- Who?
223
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:01,772
- That girl who
wasn't in class.
224
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,308
- So, you like her,
225
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,210
But you don't
even know her name?
226
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:05,776
- Well...
227
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,813
- Do you mind
if I ask fox out, then?
228
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,181
- Are you nuts?
229
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,616
You can't ask
fox out!
230
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,684
- So, you do like her!
231
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,185
You can't have
all the girls!
232
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,654
Not what's-her-name
and fox!
233
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,489
- Look at the
sucky babies!
234
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,593
- The dreaded fox brothers.
235
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,795
The only things that differentiated them
236
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,797
From one another was their agesand their mothers.
237
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,200
- Oh, gross!
Japanese food.
238
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,602
- I keep telling you:
I'm filipino.
239
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,803
- Middle fox:
What'd you say?
240
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,873
I don't speak
chinese!
241
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,475
- The foxes' inability to properly bully ritchie
242
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,711
Was a stunning indictment of the catholic school
243
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,212
Geography program.
244
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:41,913
- You want
your sandwich back, geek?
245
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,281
- Not really.
246
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:45,684
- Well, you're not
getting it!
247
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,051
- Okay.
248
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,852
- I hear
249
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,021
You've got a crush
on my sister.
250
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,423
- Who told you that?
251
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,024
- Mr. Miyagi over there
just said it.
252
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:53,658
- Mr. Miyagi
is japanese.
253
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,794
- Shut up,
short-round!
254
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,429
- Vietnamese.
255
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,432
- Try anything
with my sister
256
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,834
And I'll rip your nuts off,
feed 'em to your boyfriend,
257
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:03,901
Tell him
they're chicken balls.
258
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,971
- That's chinese!
259
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,039
Besides, he's not
into your sister.
260
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,974
He already told me
he likes somebody else.
261
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,676
- Will you shut up?
262
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,913
- You hear that?
263
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,849
This little tool
doesn't love you anymore.
264
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:19,050
Aw!
265
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,185
- Heart burn!
266
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:25,924
- Gary: Hey! What the hell?
What the hell are you doing?
267
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,525
[melancholy music]
268
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:33,931
- What?
269
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,967
I got rid of them,
didn't I?
270
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,802
- Dick: A little
to the right, mary.
271
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,471
Look out!
To the left, now!
272
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,272
- Oh, which is it?
Make up your bloody mind.
273
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,807
- Driving
is like colouring;
274
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,675
You have to
stay inside the lines.
275
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,211
- Too much stuff
on here!
276
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,146
[siren whoops]
[passing car honks]
277
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,415
- You do have a license,
right?
278
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,415
- Don't be so foolish!
Of course I do!
279
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,352
I use it for the I.D.
To cash cheques.
280
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,953
- Pull over to the side!
[horn honking]
281
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:56,888
Oh, mother!
[tires squealing]
282
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,157
[sigh]
[siren wailing]
283
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,226
- Oh, how do I turn
this bloody siren off?
284
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:01,892
It's got me all
distracted!
285
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:03,961
- That's not
our siren.
286
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,197
It's the cops.
287
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:07,799
[brakes squealing]
288
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,168
[groaning]
289
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,436
[engines idling]
290
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,240
Well, this steering
doesn't work!
291
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,777
I'm not paying
full price for this!
292
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,245
[phone ringing]
293
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,780
- Good god!
294
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,782
Who the hell is calling
the house at this hour?
295
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,049
It's eight o'clock
at night!
296
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,584
Mary!
Telephone!
297
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,853
- Mike!
Telephone!
298
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,522
[phone continues ringing]
299
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:31,956
[rock music
through headphones]
300
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,859
- In our house, everyone could hear your conversation
301
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,328
Even if they didn't want to.
302
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,730
But they all wanted to.
303
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,397
- Well, somebody
answer it!
304
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,203
- Hello?
305
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,072
- My mother always answered the phone
306
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:47,872
In a mildly english accent.
307
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,274
- Just one moment,
please.
308
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,944
My god, it's a girl!
For mark!
309
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,812
- Mike sr.: For mark?
- Pop: What?
310
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,747
- Mike sr.: Good god,
what does she want?
311
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,016
- How do you do?
312
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,218
May I ask
who's telephoning?
313
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,620
Some hussy
named tina.
314
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,021
- Tina!
315
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,556
I knew her name!
316
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,026
I finally had the missing pieceto the puzzle
317
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,561
Of my 12-year-old heart.
318
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,263
- Can I please
have the phone?
319
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,936
Hello?
320
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,036
- Hi, it's me, tina.
321
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,173
- Oh, hi, tina.
322
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,142
- Tina? Tina who?
Who's tina.
323
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,177
- Tina from the
funeral home.
324
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,247
- Tina reardon?
[gasps]
325
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,382
Her uncle
was stabbed in prison.
326
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,184
Hard as nails,
that crowd!
327
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,720
- Ask her if her mother
will do an interview
328
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:37,989
About the murder.
329
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,090
- Uh, how you doing?
330
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,893
- I'm okay.
- Cool.
331
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,194
- She's too hard
for you, mark!
332
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,662
You'll get stabbed.
333
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,330
- Tina: Wasn't hard to find your number.
334
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,066
You're the only critch on kenmount road.
335
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,535
- Only house, too.
- Cool.
336
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,004
- I had a nice time
at the funeral home.
337
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,273
You want to,
I don't know,
338
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,974
Do something some time?
339
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,343
- Cool.
340
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,811
- Oh, the boy is quite
the conversationalist.
341
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:01,912
[pop chuckles]
342
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,714
- Ah, do you want to go to the park tomorrow,
343
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:04,382
Around two?
344
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,551
Meet you
by the swings.
345
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,352
- Cool.
346
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,420
- Tell her you think
she's pretty.
347
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,822
- Ask her how many times
her uncle was stabbed.
348
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,958
- I wanted to tell her that I'd never felt so alive
349
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,492
In my young life
350
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,895
And we would always have the joyful sadness
351
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,497
Of the funeral home.
352
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,998
- Tina,
353
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,033
I...
354
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,603
I...
355
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,171
[cord snaps]
356
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,076
[dial tone]
357
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,381
No!
I don't have her number!
358
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,049
- Well, you really
shagged that one up.
359
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,219
[slams receiver down]
360
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,887
- I'm going
to my room.
361
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,122
Everyone ju-just
leave me alone!
362
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:45,956
[slams phone down]
363
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,359
[melancholy music]
364
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,131
- There's no better place for a broken-hearted pre-teen
365
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,367
Than his bedroom.
366
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,167
A private sanctuary where--
367
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,470
- Pop: All right,
don't mind me.
368
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,938
I know you want
to be alone.
369
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,074
I'll be quiet
as a church mouse.
370
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,942
Oof!
371
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,210
Oh, ohh.
372
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,011
My dogs are barking.
373
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,446
[chuckles]
[sighs]
374
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,450
Good night!
Hm, hm-hm-hm.
375
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,587
[lighter strikes]
376
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,723
[lighter down
on bedside table]
377
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,959
[bed creaking]
378
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,728
[pop coughing
non-stop]
379
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,768
Oh, jesus...
380
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,236
[coughing]
381
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,175
I can't smoke
lying down anymore.
382
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,112
I must be
getting old.
383
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,047
[sniffling]
384
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,114
[loud sigh]
385
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,051
Do you want some
unsolicited advice?
386
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,388
Don't try anything
on the first date.
387
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,391
A woman
likes to be romanced.
388
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,462
A gentleman saves that stuff
for the second date.
389
00:14:58,732 --> 00:14:59,997
And on our third date,
390
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,801
Your grandmother
told me she was pregnant!
391
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,069
Huh?!
392
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,870
Good night.
393
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,273
[melancholy music]
394
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,874
[coughing resumes]
395
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,087
- I had a date!
396
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,524
That is, if I could only get to it.
397
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,361
- How come
you're all dressed up?
398
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:33,231
You got a date!
399
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,433
Can I come?
400
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,900
- No!
401
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,036
Where's victoria park?
402
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,838
I think I've got to get
the route 2?
403
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,174
- No, you take the route 3
then transfer at parade street.
404
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,510
- Where's that?
405
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,745
- You sure
you don't want me to come?
406
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,848
- Okay, but promise you won't
follow us and be weird?
407
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:51,982
- I promise.
408
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,317
I'll just watch you
guys from the bushes --
409
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,818
No weird stuff.
410
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,921
- Okay.
411
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,389
Cool.
412
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,259
[bus brakes squeal
and hiss]
413
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,129
- Ritchie:
Can we get
414
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,931
Two transfers,
please?
415
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,199
[coins clinking
in fare box]
416
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,935
[bus doors close]
417
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,269
- Hey, dicks.
418
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,338
- Oh, hi, fox!
We've got a date!
419
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,541
- What?
- Uh, not with each other.
420
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:17,342
With a girl.
421
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,176
- Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up!
422
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:23,214
- Well, he has a girl,
I don't.
423
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,149
You're a girl,
so maybe we can double-date?
424
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,518
- [scoffs]
- ow!
425
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,153
- What girl?
- He doesn't know her name.
426
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,688
- My god,
yes, I do!
427
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:32,923
It's nothing!
428
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,728
- Hey, driver,
I want a transfer, too.
429
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:41,098
- Ohh...
- [thudding]
430
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,767
[exciting music]
431
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,189
- Hey.
432
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,723
- Hey.
433
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,061
- So, come here often?
434
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,933
["everything in my heart"
by corey hart plays]
435
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,746
♪♪ I never see the light ♪♪
436
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,151
- Her hands were as soft as themost expensive toilet paper
437
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,518
At the supermarket.
438
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,154
They were almost as soft as mine.
439
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,091
♪♪ couldn't imagine how ♪♪
440
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,027
♪♪ what I'm supposed to do ♪♪
441
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:45,362
- [crack]
- ow!!
442
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,698
Uncle!
Uncle!
443
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,201
I'll call you!
444
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,805
♪♪ only thinking of you ♪♪
445
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,609
♪♪ I'll do it again ♪♪
446
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,378
- I gotta go.
447
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,648
[smack]
448
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,916
♪♪ everything in my heart ♪♪
449
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,384
- My second kiss!
450
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,819
At this rate,
451
00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,954
I'd be married by my 13th birthday.
452
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,126
- Nice work.
453
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,794
- Wanna go
down the slide?
454
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,195
- Race ya'!
455
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,200
[phone ringing]
456
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,737
- Good god!
457
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,606
Who's calling the house
at this hour?
458
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,408
It's half past seven
at night!
459
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,943
- I'll get it!
460
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:33,410
Hello?
461
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,379
- Hi.
462
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,447
It's tina,
the hussy.
463
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,283
- That was amazing. I--
464
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,119
- I'm breaking up
with you.
465
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,487
- What?
Why?
466
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,888
- I don't know.
467
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,256
'cuz you're slack.
468
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:47,558
- Slack?
469
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,360
What's slack?
470
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,462
- She means
you didn't put out, son.
471
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:52,296
Oh, that's my fault.
472
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,632
Tell her
about the second date!
473
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,099
- Slack?
474
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,036
Sister rose was right: We were too young for this.
475
00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,438
- Can't we just--
476
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,208
[pebbles hitting window]
477
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,510
- Hang on.
478
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,652
Just leave me alone!
479
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,390
[handset onto cradle]
480
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,992
[dial tone]
481
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:25,329
[dial tone continues]
482
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,532
[handset onto cradle]
483
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,466
- That brazen
little hussy.
484
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,135
Oh, she better not
call here anymore!
485
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:32,803
You know, her father's
nowhere to be found.
486
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:33,537
I talked to joan
down at the supermarket
487
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,872
And she told me that--
488
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,241
- No, no, no.
489
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,744
[door slams]
490
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,212
- Oh, mm.
491
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:42,346
I've got it.
492
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,781
[door opens]
493
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,050
[door closes]
494
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,890
[aluminum foil crinkling]
495
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,760
[pop groans]
496
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,162
Yeah, little surprise
for ya'.
497
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:00,297
Hm?
498
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,567
Ham and cheese.
499
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,334
Nice.
500
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,971
Mm.
501
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:07,504
Come on!
502
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,906
How was your date?
503
00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:12,109
- I guess
I'm not ready yet.
504
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:12,643
- Oh...
505
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,912
Don't worry.
506
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:15,712
You will be.
507
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,715
Women are
what they call...
508
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,916
An acquired taste.
509
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,254
- Like stale
funeral sandwiches?
510
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,389
- Ah, christ, no!
511
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,059
No.
512
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,461
I wish I could tell you
that it doesn't matter,
513
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,095
That you'll
forget her.
514
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,598
The truth is...
515
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,602
You'll always remember
the first one.
516
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,206
And the last.
517
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,007
Hm.
518
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,942
It's just the ones
in the middle
519
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,278
That don't seem to matter
all that much.
520
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,281
You just try and squeeze in
as many of those as you can.
521
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,783
[upbeat music]
522
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,119
- Sitting there on my bed
523
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,755
As pop and I polished off the funeral sandwiches,
524
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,423
I learned two things:
525
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,592
One, you can't hurry love.
526
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,960
And, two,
527
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:05,563
The pain of heartache is no match for heartburn.
528
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,164
[pop sighs]
529
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:08,565
- Ach.
530
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:11,001
[pop groans]
531
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:12,636
- Good night.
532
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,237
- Good night, pop.
533
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:18,509
[pop coughing]
534
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,978
♪♪
535
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:22,979
- Pop:
Oh, jesus!
42478
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