All language subtitles for S.F.Y.L.S01E03.Jackie.O.Courtney.Love.FbWatch.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-vTM_track4_[eng]

- In the beginning,
everyone wants to send you

flowers and donate to,
like, a foundation

for your dead person.
And they stop calling

and writing because
they're over it,

and they expect you
to be over it.

- When's the last time you went
to your apartment?

- A little before the funeral.

- So, like, three months?

both: This is our apartment.

both: This is our home.
- This is our home.

- There's gotta be some things
you want to keep.

Think about what
makes you happy.

- Well, nothing makes me happy.

- You think you knew him,
but you really didn't know him

as well as you thought.

- "I keep replaying
the day we met.

"I couldn't believe it

"when we realized
'Shawshank Redemption'

"was both our favorite movie.
And 'Catcher in the Rye'

"was our favorite book.

"I came home and pinched myself
until my arm bruised

"to make sure this day
wasn't a dream.

"We're soul mates, Becca.

We were made for each other."

Griffin was in Kandahar.

He was setting up
a field hospital

when he killed by an IED.

[indistinct murmurs]

- Thank you for your sacrifice.

all: Thank you for
your sacrifice.

- Thank you for your sacrifice.

- Being new to LA,
it just means so much to me

to have found this community.

I just feel so connected

to each and every one of you.

You feel like my family.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

[light upbeat music]

- Leigh. Hi.
- Hey.

- Claire mentioned
you're a widow too.

Was your husband
in the military also? Or wife?

- No, neither.

- I just moved here
from Pendleton

so I'm literally driving
around going

"This is so beautiful."
- Yeah.

- Venice Beach, Disneyland...

- I know. It's a great city.

Sorry, I've got to...
I teach at a class.

- Oh, I love kids.
What grade?

- No, it's an exercise...
it's like

a ballet, yoga, pilates
combo thing.

- Wow, that sounds amazing.
- Yeah.

- I haven't worked out once
since Griffin died.

I'm such a blob.
- Well...

- What's the name
of the studio?

- It's called Beautiful Beast.

- Great name.
- Yeah.

- Well, you have my number on
the roster.

You know, I'm totally around.

See, you know, maybe we could
hang out...

- Sure, yeah. Running late.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- I called her six times.

- She's not calling
anyone back, Richard.

- Okay, but I'm her father.

- She just became a widow

50 years sooner
than she expected.

Could you maybe not make this
about you?

Where's my tea?

- I just know the power
that you have over her.

- "Power"?

Why does someone always have
to be in charge in your mind?

Why is one of us
always winning?

Where is my tea?
- It's coming.

What's going on?

- I'm just worried about her.
That's all.

- So am I.
- [sighs]

How could something
like this happen

to someone who's just
so alive?

- I go over it
and over it in my head.

Sabrina thought that maybe
we'd make a donation

in his name to the school
where he taught.

- She's a class act, your wife.

How's Evie?

- Loving school in Ojai.

Varsity equestrian.

- Hmm.

- How's business?

- I was hoping to buy
the whole building.

Fingers crossed
it's still in the cards.

- But don't you make
your own hand?

I mean, aren't your cards
something that you control?

- [laughs]
- Here you go, ma'am.

- Thank you.

I have to go.
I have a delivery at 9:00.

- Oh, come on.
- Thank you for the tea.

- I would really like
to see my daughter.

If you could...

empower her to return my calls,
I would really appreciate it.

- [scoffs]

I will try.

- [laughing]
That's a sexy face.

- "Nothing is impossible.

The word itself
says I'm possible."

- Ew.

- I know, this Nicholas Sparks
widow group

keeps sending me
inspirational quotes

that make me want to burn
the world down.

- How's that different from
normal you?

- I'm serious. She put on
the most spectacular show.

She had this little tear
hanging on her perfect eyelash

for the entire hour

and everyone was obsessed
with her.

- Sounds like she's got it
figured out.

- Like she's got what
figured out?

- How to make tragedy
glamorous.

Like Jackie O.

- Jules, normal people don't
envy tragedy.

- Of course they do.

For the rest of your life,
you're deep.

It's like you've touched
the edge.

I mean, obviously,
I don't think like that,

but people milk their stories
for a reason.

You should come to a meeting.
- No. No, thank you.

- You'll see.
We're good at sharing.

I tell the best stories.

I have this one
about how I partied so hard

I puked on Questlove.
Always kills.

- You shouldn't
be proud of that.

- It's my best story.

- Leigh, would you please
call your father

so that he stops bothering me?

Texting doesn't count.

- I don't want
to call him or anyone.

- She's got an ironclad excuse.

- Feel like I get
at least six months.

- I'd say more.
- One call. Ten minutes.

- If dad wanted to have
a better relationship with me,

he could have been nicer to
Matt when he was alive.

- Your father loved Matt.

- Okay, I'm sorry,
were you not at my wedding

when he came up to me
20 minutes before the ceremony

to let me know that it was okay

if I were having
second thoughts?

- He would have done
that with anyone.

That's what dads do.

- Whatever, we can pretend
like that's reality.

- So we're starting
class pass today.

We don't make any money
from these people.

We just want to hook 'em in
so that they buy a package,

which we need big time,
so be extra nice.

Okay?
Everybody got that?

Nice with a cherry on top.

- She's talking to you.

- Pretty sure
she's talking to you.

- Feels like
I'm talking to myself.

Put your phones down.

Go and get some sun.

- [sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi! I made it.

- You did.
Jules, this...

- Oh, I know.
Yeah, we've been hanging.

Becca's so excited
to take your class.

- This place is amazing.

The light and the colors.

Griff and I painted
our entire house warm colors

so it always felt so cozy.

- Wait, oh, my God.
Leigh's obsessed with color.

She's always talking my ear off
about the power of chartreuse.

You guys are like
the same person.

- Hi, Mia Powell.

It's my first time.
I'm on class pass.

- Hey, Mia.
What's up?

Let's get you set up.

- It's my first time too.
[laughs]

Don't go easy on me though.
Kick my ass.

I'm ready to sweat.

[dance music]

- 18, 19, 20.
Inhale, down.

And exhale into boat.

Come on, ladies,
I want to see you

holding the position.

And we're moving into
plank leg raises.

20 reps, right leg.

And leg up. And in. Leg up.
And in.

If anyone planks, we will
start counting again.

And up. And in. Six up. And in.

Don't be the one
who lets everyone down.

Or I'll start over again.

And up. And in.

No one gives up.
- [heaving]

[vomiting]

- What the hell
happened in there?

- I just wanted everyone
to give it their all.

- Well, you certainly
got that, didn't you?

- Yeah.
- It wasn't Leigh's fault.

She told us to listen
to our bodies.

- I did. I said that.

- Do you want to grab a juice?
It's my treat.

- Can't.
I've got a class at 2:00.

- No, you don't.

- I feel amazing.
It's the endorphins.

You're lucky it's your job
to create endorphins

three times a day.

- Yeah, I don't feel
particularly lucky.

- Are you a person of faith?

- N-not... no.

- Well, it helps.
Going to church every week.

Checking in with God.
- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, I still wonder why
he did this to me,

but then I realize there's
a purpose to my life now.

That's what my pastor says.

- Your pastor thinks
that God made your husband die

so that you can have a purpose?

- I think he just means

God doesn't give us
anything we can't handle.

- I hear that a lot,
but I'm not quite sure

what it means.

- I think it means
we all have wells of strength

we didn't realize we had.

- Mm-hmm.

- Wasn't that interesting
what Claire was saying?

About how self care
is so important

and how we need to take care
of ourselves right now.

- I was actually kind of
spacing out at group.

- Oh.
Well, she was talking about

this thing called skin hunger.
- Mm-hmm.

- There were these studies
on monkeys and orphans

who were never touched
and it made them go crazy.

Griffin was deployed
for five months before he died.

I don't even know the last time
I was touched that way.

I think it's so important
to listen to Claire.

I think we need
to take care of ourselves

right now,
even though we don't want to...

[voice fading out]

Korean spa on Western
where you can get massages

and dip into
these little pools.

And it's two for one Tuesdays

so I made an appointment
for us at 8:00.

And then I thought...

- Sorry,
can I ask you something?

- Yeah.

- Do you know your husband's
passcode to his phone?

- Of course, doesn't everyone?

I mean,
otherwise I'd wonder

who he was texting
that he didn't want me to see.

I mean, but I also think
it's so important

to have our own lives
and be independent.

- Look, um...

I know that...

you think we have
a lot in common

because we're both widows
and not 70,

but to be honest

I-I really don't
want new friends.

I don't want to feel pressured
to respond to messages,

and say yes to plans,
and hear your stories that,

frankly, make me feel terrible
about my life.

And I would rather be
angry and mean

when I feel like it because
that's what I need right now.

- I didn't...
- No, I'm... so...

You are Jackie O
and I am Courtney Love.

And Jackie O and Courtney Love
are not friends.

Not in any universe.

- What do I want to manifest?

I am a successful
businesswoman.

My daughters are independent
and thriving.

I have a wonderful partner
who fulfills all of my needs,

emotional, spiritual...

sexual.
[sighs]

- Mom.
You have to read this review.

- What?

- Kay, "The teacher went mental

and screamed at us so much
I literally puked."

We should put that on a sign.

Classes so tough
we'll make you puke.

- No. No. No.

[groans]

If this is the first review
that comes up,

I mean,
we'll just go out of business.

- Mom, it's fine.

Tons of people love us.

- Those people
don't write reviews.

Maybe I should just take her
off the schedule.

Lacey keeps asking
for more classes.

- Okay, Leigh's hardly doing
any already.

It's not fair.

- Jules, how do you not get
how bad this is?

- Why are you yelling at me?
It's her fault.

I'm the good child for
the first time ever.

- This review,
it can't stay up.

Oh, God.

[indistinct chatter]

- Can I get you started
with something to drink?

- Hey.
Didn't...

Were you at Beautiful Beast
yesterday?

- Were you in that class?

The teacher was
a total psychopath.

- [laughs]

My mom actually owns
that place.

- Oh, right, I remember you.

She should really fire
that girl.

You guys are gonna have
a lawsuit or something.

- Yeah. I'll tell her.

Hey, I'd love to comp
you some classes.

- Yeah,
I'm never going back there.

- Yeah.

We're a small studio,
women-owned,

and even one review
like that can really

take a dump on our ratings.

Is there any way
you could take it down?

- Are you serious right now?

It wasn't just that girl.
The music sucked.

And the ladies
were all Lulu Lemmings.

And the photos in the lobby
were body-shaming propaganda.

I workout to feel better
about myself

and I left feeling worse.

You read my review.
What did you do? Stalk me?

- Of course not.

But if I wanted to,
I could talk about

how dirty my fork is
or how rude my server Mia was.

Oh but, you know,
that wouldn't be fair

to someone who depends
on her tips.

- You know what?

Just so you don't key my car,
fine.

I'll take it down.

Happy?
- Thank you.

Thank you.
- Yep.

- No, I swear, if
you were to cut her open

she would bleed glitter.

- Oh, my God. Block her.
Block her number.

- [laughs] Yeah, I know.
- Do it.

- God.

- So I have some news.

- Huh?

- Ryan and I are engaged.

- Wow.

Congratulations.

- We're actually looking
at venues right now.

There's this cool place
downtown

that has an opening in, like,
a month.

- Ooh, that's fast.

And you guys,
you got engaged last night?

- Um... No.

It was late June.

- So just after Matt...
- Yeah.

- Hmm.

- Actually that was sort of
part of it.

We both realized
that life is short.

Why wait?
You know, why not

become each other's person now?

I haven't, like,
posted about it or anything

because I didn't want you
to feel pressure.

Like, you, you know,
had to be happy for me.

- Of course I'm happy for you.

- Thanks, lady.

- But what about...

when he was texting
that pastry chef?

- That was, like,
nine months ago.

- But aren't you afraid that
that's gonna happen again?

- No,
because we worked through that.

- So you're saying
that you trust him enough

in order to pledge eternal...

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Because we worked through it.
- Okay.

- [sighs]

Look, I know that you're going
through a hard time right now,

but the best friend
code of conduct

is to at least pretend
to be excited for me

and maybe not trash my fiancé

because he made one mistake
one time.

- So are you just...
you're leaving?

- I've like 20 pieces to edit
before the end of the day.

- Okay.
- I'll catch you later, okay?

[indistinct chatter]

- So I'm in my office,

and this is, like,
six or seven months ago, right.

And, uh...
and Tamara Shue walks in.

You guys know who she is,
right?

- She's the CEO of Cerberus.
- I know who she is...

- Shh. Shh. Go.
[laughter]

- So she asks if I can help her

debug her program.
I'm serious.

[laughter]

I'm serious.
- Debug the program.

- Debug her program
is what she said.

So she's sitting right across
from me

and, I swear to God,
she just, like,

starts "Basic Instincting" me.

[laughter]
- What?

- That did not happen.

- Yes, it did happen.

- Daniel, you're supposed
to be telling a truth or a lie.

- Yeah, not some seventh grade
fantasy.

- You've got such a tell.
You just can't stop grinning.

Which is why you can never
go to Vegas.

[laughter]

- My turn.
- Okay.

all: Truth or lie.
Truth or lie.

Truth or lie.

Truth or...
[laughter]

- Okay.

So when I was
a junior in high school.

Danny and I...

had this SAT tutor
named Cassie.

- Cassie!
- Yeah.

She was probably around,
I don't know, 27, 28.

And it was the night before
the SATS

and I was nervous.

Super nervous.

And Cassie says, "The only
thing to do tonight

is to relax."
And I'm like,

"I can't."
Because I'm me.

And she says,

"Come with me."
- Mm...

- So we drive
to Bridgeburn Park,

back behind the restrooms,
you know.

There's this red-haired mom
and her baby on the swings

and she looked at us and...

they left like they knew
we were up to something.

And Cassie pulls out a joint

and takes a drag...
- Nice.

- And leans over

and blows smoke into my mouth.

- [laughing]

- And as she does this

she licks my lips just
the tiniest bit.

- Ooh.
[laughter]

- It was the hottest thing
that ever happened to me.

- Yeah.

- Little did I know
how much hotness I had to come.

[laughter]

- Lucky man.

- You... you never,
you never told me that.

- Yeah, that's 'cause
it never happened.

[screaming]

- Come on, man.

[laughter]

- Leigh, you're in trouble.
- Why?

- That was way too good.

- Planned it.

- Did you see this?

What she said.
- What who said?

- That girl.
Jules, she updated her review

to say that
"One of the teachers

followed me to my place
of business and threatened me."

- I was trying
to fix Leigh's mess.

She's the one
that made her puke.

It's one bad review.
Who cares?

There's a margin for error
in running a business.

You always tell me that.

- No. No. Jules, there is
no margin for error anymore.

The margin for error
got spent on rehab.

- Why didn't you tell me that?

- I was glad to do it
and you're in recovery,

and that's what's important.

But, Jules,
you're getting too old

to be pulling
these kind of stunts.

- Of course,
it was me that messed up.

- Jules!
- It always comes back to me.

- You cannot follow our clients
to their workplaces.

I would have thought
that was obvious.

And I am plenty mad
at your sister.

But in case you hadn't noticed,
her husband...

- Just died.

I know.

- [sighs]
Jules, I'm s...

[sighs]

- Look, we go in.
Have a nice pleasant dinner.

Ask your dad about the wine.
- Mm-hmm.

- We ask Evie
some horse questions.

We ask Sabrina about
the landing probe on Mars,

or whatever she's working on.

And that's it.
We go home.

And I'll be there
the whole time, pretending

this is exactly where I want
to be on a Tuesday night.

- Emphasis on "pretend."
- So what?

We all pretend all the time.
- We do?

What do you pretend?
- I don't know.

- Like what?

- All right,
I pretend I love teaching.

On a lot of days I don't.

I pretend I...

I don't notice when people
stare at us at restaurants.

I pretend...

getting up in the morning
isn't as hard it is some days.

I...
[scoffs]

I pretend I'm totally cool
with having sex with one person

for the rest of my life.
Should I go on?

- No, definitely not.
- Well, you pretend too.

That's marriage.
That's being a person.

- I guess, but I just don't
feel like pretending right now.

- Leigh.

Got to let that go.

- Okay, that's easy for you to
say 'cause he's not your dad.

- No, my dad never wanted
to be in the same room as me,

and now that he's dead,
he never has to ever again.

- Okay.

- Richard's not perfect,
but he's trying.

He wants to spend time
with you.

That's something.

- Hmm.

- Seriously?
We're going home?

- Yeah.

I'll just send him
a text message

that something came up.

- You hold people to
impossibly high standards.

No one's ever gonna pass
your test.

- [sighs]

- Hmm.

How are you?

- [sighs]
Um...

I think I'm stuck in
whatever stage it is

when you're a raging bitch
to everyone

within a ten mile radius.

- Apparently that whole

Kubler-Ross stages
of grief thing...

- Mm-hmm.
- Bullshit.

- Yeah.

- I, um...

I actually came
to ask you something.

- Shoot.

- Why did you cheat on Mom?

Just tell me the truth.

- Talked about it enough in
therapy by now.

I got it down.

Started when I got fired.

It was the first time anything
like that ever happened to me.

And it was...

it was unfair.

Also humiliating.

I...
[scoffs]

I had no idea something like
that could happen.

For me, it was just...

Well, it was a huge loss.

And I lashed out.

Hard.

- And people say
I take after Mom.

- [chuckles]

Sometimes when a person drowns,
they thrash around so much,

they bring down anyone
trying to rescue 'em.

Even if they don't mean to.

So why you asking
me this now?

- I just needed to know.

[nostalgic music]

- I'm calling the cops.

- No, I just need, like,
two minutes.

Okay. Two.

My brother-in-law died
3 1/2 months ago.

Matt was the glue
that held us together.

I mean, everyone was just
better when he was around.

And that girl, the teacher,

she's my sister.

Matt was her husband.

Look, I don't know

if you've ever
lost anyone suddenly

and had your entire worldview
just fall apart over night.

So you get it?

Like, you lose this person

who meant so much to you

and you start spinning out
in all these weird ways

because you don't even know
who you are anymore.

My sister's in freefall.

And she just needs some time

to turn everything
right side up again.

I know you think
basically everyone

in my family is crazy
at this point,

but if you could
just give us a break

and take down that review...

- I can do that.
- [sighs]

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi.

You had this perfect marriage

and your husband died a hero.

And mine died for nothing.

And I'm beginning to think
I didn't even know him.

I shouldn't have yelled
at you.

I'm sorry.

I'm just mad all the time.

- That letter that I read.

He wrote it after I told him
I wanted a divorce.

But nobody wants to hear that.

People just want to hear about
this amazing marriage

that I didn't actually have.

And I'm trying to stay positive

because people like me
better that way,

but I just feel like
such a fake all the time.

And you're so honest
about everything,

and I just,
I wish I could be like you.

- Shaw and Urwin?

Tables six and seven.

- [Becca sobbing]

[crying continues]

[crying continues]

[melancholy music]

- I can't believe that
you're already dating again.

- Ugh, I know.
It all happened so fast.

I think I'm in love.
- Seriously, you got a dog?

- Jules, get in here?
- Oh, that's not good.

- You were supposed to watch
him while I took a shower.

- I got distracted
for like a second.

- But this is what I mean
by not responsible enough

to own a dog.
- I'd like to talk to you

about something.

- Mm-kay.

- What they told me in rehab
is the hardest part

about staying sober
is the fact that

the people in your life don't
believe you can change.

But I didn't think
that'd be you guys.