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1
00:00:06,138 --> 00:00:07,996
-Morning.
-Morning.
2
00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:27,371
What are you making?
3
00:00:27,422 --> 00:00:28,491
Breakfast.
4
00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:30,523
Have you considered
5
00:00:30,570 --> 00:00:32,284
orange juice and a piece of toast?
6
00:00:32,335 --> 00:00:33,525
It's in there.
7
00:00:35,847 --> 00:00:37,326
We got any marshmallows?
8
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,671
And he wonders why he gets diarrhea.
9
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,599
Oh, man.
10
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:51,398
You forget to put the lid on again?
11
00:00:52,974 --> 00:00:54,066
Maybe.
12
00:00:55,951 --> 00:00:58,633
-Well, clean it up.
-Okay.
13
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:03,028
Is Jake up yet?
14
00:01:03,108 --> 00:01:04,370
He's in the kitchen.
15
00:01:04,618 --> 00:01:05,880
Has he been looking for me?
16
00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:07,457
Are you a marshmallow?
17
00:01:09,896 --> 00:01:10,929
What?
18
00:01:10,964 --> 00:01:13,220
-He hasn't been looking for you.
-Oh, good.
19
00:01:13,635 --> 00:01:14,629
Sorry, I'm late,
20
00:01:14,652 --> 00:01:16,314
but Kandi and I had morning sex.
21
00:01:16,373 --> 00:01:18,111
-Good for you.
-Twice.
22
00:01:19,796 --> 00:01:21,029
Congratulations.
23
00:01:21,049 --> 00:01:23,019
She didn't even wake me up
for the first one.
24
00:01:24,663 --> 00:01:25,971
I almost missed it.
25
00:01:26,264 --> 00:01:29,282
Well, I've always said a 22-year-old girl
is like a good carpenter:
26
00:01:29,904 --> 00:01:31,618
no wood gets wasted.
27
00:01:35,187 --> 00:01:36,523
Well,
28
00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:39,350
I wouldn't put it so crudely, but, yeah.
29
00:01:47,189 --> 00:01:48,314
Morning, buddy.
30
00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:49,478
Morning.
31
00:01:54,923 --> 00:01:56,674
Why do you let him use the blender?
32
00:01:56,774 --> 00:01:59,922
I'm hoping he'll eventually
stumble into a margarita.
33
00:02:01,633 --> 00:02:03,477
Hey, here's a fun fact.
34
00:02:03,845 --> 00:02:06,920
You're sleeping with a girl who was born
when you were in junior high.
35
00:02:07,575 --> 00:02:10,736
And yet there's a good chance
she lost her virginity before you did.
36
00:02:15,648 --> 00:02:17,350
And here's another fun fact.
37
00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:20,621
I'll bet she's had sex
with more girls than you, too.
38
00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:28,289
That is a fun fact.
39
00:02:29,502 --> 00:02:30,953
And you know what else?
40
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:35,501
Here youth is-is like an aphrodisiac.
I feel younger. I feel more...
41
00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,737
oh, I don't know how to describe it.
42
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,548
Manly.
43
00:02:40,299 --> 00:02:41,564
I know what you mean.
44
00:02:41,687 --> 00:02:43,964
And I am performing
at what can only be described
45
00:02:44,052 --> 00:02:45,916
as a very enhanced level.
46
00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:47,279
-Right.
-You know,
47
00:02:47,362 --> 00:02:48,684
between-the-sheets-wise.
48
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,138
-You don't have to tell me.
-Yes, I do.
49
00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:55,433
I have to tell everybody.
50
00:02:56,339 --> 00:02:58,355
Hey, I'm just impressed
that you can keep up with her.
51
00:02:58,414 --> 00:03:01,173
I thought by now, she'd have
worn you down into a few vertebrae
52
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,876
and a pool of spinal fluid.
53
00:03:03,075 --> 00:03:05,114
You know, I exercise, I eat right...
54
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:07,562
And of course, I've always had
55
00:03:07,597 --> 00:03:11,462
a vast untapped reservoir of sexual energy
bubbling under the surface.
56
00:03:12,939 --> 00:03:14,285
Truth be told,
57
00:03:14,331 --> 00:03:15,999
you could drill anywhere and hit a gusher.
58
00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:20,879
Morning, brother.
We're here to tell you about the good news.
59
00:03:21,271 --> 00:03:22,464
Yeah, okay, but, my news first.
60
00:03:22,515 --> 00:03:23,464
See,
61
00:03:23,472 --> 00:03:25,679
I'm dating this 22-year-old woman...
62
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,567
incredible.
63
00:03:29,463 --> 00:03:33,886
Episode 3x16
64
00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:38,365
"Ergo, The Booty Call"
65
00:03:38,589 --> 00:03:44,132
Synchro: Relaxx
66
00:03:44,636 --> 00:03:50,235
Transcript: Raceman
67
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:56,394
Corrections: Bouliii
68
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:00,352
Hey, Charlie.
69
00:04:00,518 --> 00:04:01,789
Hey, Rose, what's up?
70
00:04:02,228 --> 00:04:04,598
I was just takin' a walk
on the beach with my boyfriend,
71
00:04:04,631 --> 00:04:06,202
and we thought we'd stop by.
72
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,232
Come on up, lamb chop.
73
00:04:10,238 --> 00:04:11,876
This is ridiculous.
74
00:04:12,296 --> 00:04:14,947
I still don't understand
why we can't use the stairs over there.
75
00:04:15,615 --> 00:04:17,345
Don't try to change me, Gordon.
76
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:18,646
Sorry.
77
00:04:18,710 --> 00:04:19,629
So,
78
00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:21,143
how's it goin' with you two?
79
00:04:21,366 --> 00:04:22,624
It's just great.
80
00:04:22,894 --> 00:04:24,585
Gordon's my soul mate.
81
00:04:24,658 --> 00:04:27,271
He completes me. We're inseparable.
82
00:04:27,323 --> 00:04:28,269
Yeah.
83
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:31,001
Wait here.
I want to talk to Charlie alone.
84
00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:33,254
Charlie.
85
00:04:33,936 --> 00:04:34,958
Coming.
86
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:38,331
"Lamb chop"?
87
00:04:38,371 --> 00:04:39,846
I'm hot and juicy.
88
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:47,948
What's up?
89
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,188
Don't play innocent with me.
90
00:04:50,616 --> 00:04:52,431
I can see the hurt in your eyes.
91
00:04:52,648 --> 00:04:53,744
What?
92
00:04:54,541 --> 00:04:56,526
You have to let me go, Charlie.
93
00:04:56,986 --> 00:04:58,134
Okay.
94
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,859
I'm with Gordon now. I've moved on.
95
00:05:02,141 --> 00:05:03,222
Good.
96
00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:06,679
And I know it may be hard
for you to hear this, but
97
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:09,865
he satisfies all my needs.
98
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,328
Well, he is hot and juicy.
99
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:18,895
Oh, Charlie,
100
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,599
I can't bear to see you like this.
101
00:05:21,629 --> 00:05:22,756
Like what?
102
00:05:23,725 --> 00:05:25,394
I know I shouldn't, but...
103
00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:28,318
I'm going to give you one last chance.
104
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,123
One last chance for what?
105
00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:33,275
You're going to make me say it,
aren't you?
106
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:36,574
Say what?
107
00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:39,502
Listen closely.
108
00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:41,748
Once I go, I'm gone.
109
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,356
Really?
I've never seen that side of you.
110
00:05:46,756 --> 00:05:48,482
I've never had a man like Gordon.
111
00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:56,104
I believe you.
112
00:05:56,758 --> 00:05:57,793
So?
113
00:05:58,288 --> 00:05:59,632
So, what?
114
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,411
Who's that?
115
00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:05,038
That's Gordon, my boyfriend.
116
00:06:05,897 --> 00:06:07,608
How come he's not allowed in?
117
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:10,383
I'm trying to avoid
an awkward situation.
118
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:11,758
Too late.
119
00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:14,191
You bringing him to my birthday party?
120
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,611
Oh, what do you think, Charlie?
121
00:06:16,723 --> 00:06:18,490
Is the wound too fresh?
122
00:06:19,604 --> 00:06:21,624
I think I can handle it.
123
00:06:22,218 --> 00:06:23,589
Cool.
124
00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:26,278
Okay,
125
00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:27,640
I'm going to go now.
126
00:06:27,938 --> 00:06:28,896
All right.
127
00:06:29,163 --> 00:06:30,614
But before I do,
128
00:06:30,779 --> 00:06:33,283
I think we need to decide
just where we stand.
129
00:06:41,285 --> 00:06:43,060
You're kidding.
Rose has a boyfriend?
130
00:06:43,331 --> 00:06:44,317
Yep.
131
00:06:44,485 --> 00:06:46,575
A real one or like "Toby the astronaut"?
132
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,427
No, this one's real.
133
00:06:49,639 --> 00:06:50,601
What's he like?
134
00:06:50,645 --> 00:06:51,850
Nice guy.
135
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,473
Has no idea how close he is
to the wood chipper.
136
00:06:56,601 --> 00:06:58,637
Hello?
Alan, you home?
137
00:06:58,734 --> 00:06:59,873
Kandi?
138
00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:01,353
What are you doing here?
139
00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:04,157
I thought I'd surprise you
with a booty call.
140
00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:06,550
Shh! Lower your voice.
141
00:07:06,647 --> 00:07:08,215
Booty call.
142
00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:11,611
What's a booty call?
143
00:07:12,539 --> 00:07:14,181
Well, it's...
144
00:07:15,773 --> 00:07:16,865
You know, this is
145
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,482
more the kind of thing
a-a son should learn from his father.
146
00:07:20,661 --> 00:07:21,861
Oh, okay.
147
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:24,874
Maybe you should ask him now.
148
00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:27,678
All right.
149
00:07:28,805 --> 00:07:30,676
I'm going to hell.
150
00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:35,285
Look, it's a really sweet gesture,
but this is not a great time.
151
00:07:35,468 --> 00:07:36,960
Hey, Dad, what's a booty call?
152
00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:40,998
Oh, oh, hey, hey, Jake. You, uh,
you remember Kandi.
153
00:07:41,072 --> 00:07:42,634
-Sure. Hi, Kandi.
-Hi.
154
00:07:42,659 --> 00:07:43,974
So, what's a booty call?
155
00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:50,493
I figured you didn't want me telling him.
156
00:07:51,243 --> 00:07:52,559
Was I wrong?
157
00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,232
Uh, uh...
158
00:07:58,808 --> 00:08:02,021
uh, well, uh,
Jake, it-it means, uh, that...
159
00:08:02,839 --> 00:08:07,673
uh, that Kandi came by to-to,
uh, to do her laundry.
160
00:08:10,288 --> 00:08:11,936
I don't see any laundry.
161
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:18,309
Good-good point, Charlie.
162
00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:21,174
Always the eye for detail.
163
00:08:24,806 --> 00:08:25,762
Uh...
164
00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:28,482
well, uh, you see, Jake, um...
165
00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:32,557
in the Old West...
166
00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:39,558
uh, uh, cowboys could be out on the dusty
range uh, uh, for months at a time,
167
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,446
and, uh, they'd get mighty dirty.
168
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:46,500
Um, so, they'd, uh, they'd, uh,
mosey into town,
169
00:08:46,557 --> 00:08:49,093
uh, with nothing but the clothes
on their backs,
170
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,454
and they'd need to-to wash 'em.
171
00:08:51,635 --> 00:08:53,702
So what they'd do is,
172
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:57,753
uh, they-they would go down to the-the...
crick,
173
00:09:00,424 --> 00:09:04,657
uh, and strip down until they were
wearing nothing but their boots.
174
00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:08,877
Why'd they keep their boots on?
175
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,916
Rattlesnakes.
176
00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:20,933
Uh, anyway, um,
177
00:09:21,006 --> 00:09:23,986
in order to warn, uh,
people who were swimming
178
00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:27,780
that, you know, the naked
cowboy was on his way,
179
00:09:27,911 --> 00:09:31,825
he would yell or, uh,
or, if you will, call, um...
180
00:09:32,469 --> 00:09:33,561
"Booty."
181
00:09:36,634 --> 00:09:37,925
"Booty."
182
00:09:41,027 --> 00:09:42,717
Ergo, the booty call.
183
00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:46,257
Wow, Alan, you really make history fun.
184
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:49,646
Well, thank you.
185
00:09:49,853 --> 00:09:52,061
So when did it start meaning casual sex?
186
00:09:56,811 --> 00:09:58,164
Um,
187
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,561
why don't you
go play a video game or something?
188
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:02,096
-Okay.
-Great.
189
00:10:03,475 --> 00:10:05,501
Hey, Kandi, you wanna come
to my birthday party tomorrow?
190
00:10:05,607 --> 00:10:07,981
-Sure. How old are you going to be?
-Twelve.
191
00:10:08,034 --> 00:10:09,767
Happy bar mitzvah.
192
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,358
Well, this works out well.
193
00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:17,318
When you're not boinkin' her,
she's got someone to play with.
194
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:20,916
Weren't you listening?
195
00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:23,693
Jake just invited Kandi
to his birthday party.
196
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,360
Oh, don't worry.
You've still got the inside track.
197
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:29,057
No!
198
00:10:29,133 --> 00:10:31,313
-I can't let her come to the party.
-Why not?
199
00:10:31,383 --> 00:10:32,816
"Why not?"!
200
00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:35,084
My ex-wife is going to be there,
201
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:38,475
all her miserable, middle-aged
soccer mom friends are gonna be there.
202
00:10:38,592 --> 00:10:42,183
They're going to take one look
at Kandi's tight, young, little body,
203
00:10:42,254 --> 00:10:43,905
and they're going to hate me.
They're going to
204
00:10:43,963 --> 00:10:48,367
hate me with a white-hot
hatred of burning...
205
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,968
hate.
206
00:10:52,012 --> 00:10:54,345
Yeah, sure, it'll be a little
tense at first,
207
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,822
but you can lighten the mood
with your booty story.
208
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,923
That's powerful funny, pardner.
209
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,097
Shut up.
210
00:11:07,269 --> 00:11:08,184
Alan.
211
00:11:08,223 --> 00:11:10,746
There comes a time in every man's life
when he has to make a choice:
212
00:11:10,864 --> 00:11:13,150
does he want to be loved
or does he want to get laid?
213
00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:16,183
14 years ago, you made the wrong choice.
214
00:11:17,696 --> 00:11:19,140
You got married.
215
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,376
And you wound up with neither.
216
00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:26,053
But now,
now fate has given you another chance.
217
00:11:26,481 --> 00:11:27,621
Welcome it.
218
00:11:27,703 --> 00:11:28,866
Embrace it.
219
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,594
Grab its pert little ass.
220
00:11:32,737 --> 00:11:35,307
What am I supposed to do?
Walk into my son's birthday and say,
221
00:11:35,342 --> 00:11:38,649
"Hey, everybody, look at this gorgeous
22 year-old woman I'm having sex with"?
222
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:40,603
Oh, don't be silly.
223
00:11:40,668 --> 00:11:42,394
You don't want to rub their faces in it,
224
00:11:42,552 --> 00:11:44,676
you just want them to know
where yours has been.
225
00:11:49,257 --> 00:11:50,490
Oh, yeah, one more thing.
226
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:51,858
Yeah?
227
00:11:52,317 --> 00:11:54,918
Booty! Booty!
228
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:05,895
Uncle Charlie?
229
00:12:09,532 --> 00:12:11,282
Uncle Charlie, you awake?
230
00:12:12,456 --> 00:12:13,734
Go away.
231
00:12:14,428 --> 00:12:16,970
Don't you want to be the first one
to wish me a happy birthday?
232
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,790
-Jake, I swear to God...
-Wait, not yet.
233
00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:25,357
Five, four, three, two, one. Okay, now.
234
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,904
Get out.
235
00:12:28,825 --> 00:12:31,025
You can give me your present now
if you want to.
236
00:12:31,955 --> 00:12:34,878
If you leave immediately,
I'll give you the gift of life.
237
00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:37,383
All right.
238
00:12:38,230 --> 00:12:40,475
Hey, how come Dad's not in his room?
239
00:12:40,651 --> 00:12:42,365
He's out with Kandi.
240
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:43,783
When's he coming home?
241
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:45,194
Not for a while.
242
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:47,745
Why doesn't he just have sex
with her here?
243
00:12:50,239 --> 00:12:52,270
What makes you think
he's having sex with her?
244
00:12:52,419 --> 00:12:54,434
I don't know, common sense?
245
00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:57,919
Alright,
246
00:12:58,232 --> 00:13:00,070
the thing is, he's embarrassed about
247
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,168
having that kind of a relationship
with somebody so much younger than him.
248
00:13:03,978 --> 00:13:04,929
Why?
249
00:13:05,472 --> 00:13:08,398
I don't know, maybe he thinks he's
setting a bad example for you.
250
00:13:08,925 --> 00:13:11,574
What am I going to do?
Start dating a six year-old?
251
00:13:12,928 --> 00:13:14,419
Go back to sleep.
252
00:13:14,832 --> 00:13:16,259
I can't, I'm too excited.
253
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,489
Well, do you mind if I go back to sleep?
254
00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:20,568
Okay. I'll find something to do.
255
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:21,542
Great.
256
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,117
Maybe I'll try to make a pizza.
257
00:13:24,206 --> 00:13:25,298
Good for you.
258
00:13:28,158 --> 00:13:29,243
Oh, crap.
259
00:13:46,789 --> 00:13:48,221
Pierre?
260
00:13:48,681 --> 00:13:50,041
Have you seen Pierre?
261
00:13:50,624 --> 00:13:52,033
Is Pierre a cat?
262
00:13:52,059 --> 00:13:53,404
Yeah.
263
00:13:53,494 --> 00:13:55,207
-Bathroom.
-Thanks.
264
00:13:55,349 --> 00:13:56,676
Excuse me.
265
00:13:59,536 --> 00:14:00,444
Hey.
266
00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:01,605
Hey.
267
00:14:01,704 --> 00:14:03,042
Oh, God!
268
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:11,033
Still worth it.
269
00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:32,414
Hey, I'm watching that!
270
00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:35,583
Yeah, right.
271
00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:37,402
Happy birthday, you big dope.
272
00:14:38,584 --> 00:14:40,097
Why am I a big dope?
273
00:14:40,511 --> 00:14:42,213
When did you finally fall asleep?
274
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:44,553
How could I possibly know that?
275
00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:49,540
And now you got a party starting in a
couple hours and you feel like hell, right?
276
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:50,830
Yeah.
277
00:14:51,028 --> 00:14:53,083
Happy birthday, you big dope.
278
00:14:54,403 --> 00:14:56,669
Hey, am I old enough to have coffee now?
279
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,202
You still think armpit farts are funny?
280
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,269
Yeah.
281
00:15:01,913 --> 00:15:03,054
Then, no.
282
00:15:04,132 --> 00:15:05,985
Come on,
I could really use a pick-me-up.
283
00:15:06,232 --> 00:15:07,582
Okay, how do you want it?
284
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,893
I don't know, in a cup?
285
00:15:15,257 --> 00:15:16,581
Good choice.
286
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:27,203
Feel better?
287
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:28,854
Yeah, I think it's working.
288
00:15:33,722 --> 00:15:34,591
You know,
289
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,530
Kandi, you don't have to feel obligated
to go to this party. It's just going to be
290
00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:39,885
a lot of kids playing silly games.
291
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,967
Are there going to be balloon animals?
'Cause I love those!
292
00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:45,333
Uh...
293
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,675
no, uh... Jake's a little old for that.
294
00:15:47,853 --> 00:15:51,946
Balloon animals are a very underappreciated art form, Alan.
295
00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:55,786
Just give me a minute to get ready.
296
00:15:57,187 --> 00:15:58,338
Okay.
297
00:15:59,215 --> 00:16:00,207
You know...
298
00:16:00,354 --> 00:16:03,842
it's probably going to be a very, very dull party.
299
00:16:03,872 --> 00:16:06,345
I wouldn't be going myself if I weren't related to the kid.
300
00:16:07,349 --> 00:16:11,118
And without balloon animals, you got to ask yourself,
301
00:16:11,246 --> 00:16:12,765
is it really worth the trip?
302
00:16:13,026 --> 00:16:14,690
How do I look?
303
00:16:18,921 --> 00:16:21,396
I-I'm sorry,
I think I swallowed my tongue.
304
00:16:22,116 --> 00:16:23,709
Thank you.
305
00:16:24,409 --> 00:16:27,110
It's amazing-- my ex-wife
would take hours getting ready,
306
00:16:27,204 --> 00:16:29,041
and the end result
wouldn't be nearly so...
307
00:16:30,771 --> 00:16:32,150
this.
308
00:16:33,032 --> 00:16:35,686
Maybe I can give her a few tips at the party.
309
00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:39,995
Oh, gee.
310
00:16:41,193 --> 00:16:43,037
She doesn't respond well to tips.
311
00:16:43,471 --> 00:16:44,317
Okay.
312
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:45,727
Anything else?
313
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,082
Well...
314
00:16:47,932 --> 00:16:50,234
even before I say it,
I know it sounds insane, but
315
00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:53,822
do you think you could put on
a few more clothes?
316
00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:57,831
-Don't I look okay?
-Oh, yeah, yeah, you look terrific.
317
00:16:59,013 --> 00:17:00,046
It's just...
318
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,402
I wouldn't want people
to get the wrong idea.
319
00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:03,764
About?
320
00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:05,579
About...
321
00:17:08,079 --> 00:17:10,140
Maybe if you could put on
a jacket and a hat.
322
00:17:12,035 --> 00:17:13,538
Do you have a poncho?
323
00:17:13,954 --> 00:17:15,328
Are you ashamed of me?
324
00:17:15,485 --> 00:17:18,564
No. No, I'm proud of you. In fact,
I'm so proud that yesterday
325
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,231
I almost signed up to be
a Christian missionary in the Sudan.
326
00:17:22,077 --> 00:17:24,219
But you don't want your family
and friends to see me.
327
00:17:24,506 --> 00:17:26,256
Oh, good, you understand.
328
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:29,220
You know, Alan,
my friends are judgmental, too.
329
00:17:29,525 --> 00:17:31,157
-About what?
-About you.
330
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:33,052
None of them get why I'm with you.
331
00:17:34,039 --> 00:17:35,260
Well, uh...
332
00:17:37,175 --> 00:17:41,140
at the risk of shining a light
on something better left unexamined...
333
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:44,799
why are you with me?
334
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:48,498
Because you're cute and smart
and really, really grateful.
335
00:17:50,628 --> 00:17:51,990
All true.
336
00:17:52,586 --> 00:17:56,015
And if my friends can't understand that,
well then, tough tomatoes.
337
00:17:58,706 --> 00:17:59,939
Kandi, you're a remarkable girl.
338
00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:01,524
Thank you.
339
00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:04,643
Unfortunately, so am I.
340
00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:07,904
Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
341
00:18:09,141 --> 00:18:10,856
Want to have a quickie in the car?
342
00:18:11,736 --> 00:18:13,368
Well, all right.
343
00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:16,128
But this time let's pull over first.
344
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:18,849
Boring!
345
00:18:21,818 --> 00:18:24,385
So where's Alan? He's supposed to be
pitching in at this party.
346
00:18:24,972 --> 00:18:26,968
I don't know,
but I'm guessing that wherever he is...
347
00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:28,443
he's pitching.
348
00:18:29,789 --> 00:18:33,112
So I suppose Charlie hasn't told you
I have a new man in my life.
349
00:18:33,217 --> 00:18:36,364
Oh, good for you, dear.
Does the man know yet?
350
00:18:37,946 --> 00:18:39,308
Get your own, Red!
351
00:18:45,253 --> 00:18:46,557
Nice outfit.
352
00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,024
Thanks. Rose picked it out for me.
353
00:18:49,439 --> 00:18:50,970
How about that.
354
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,868
You know, uh...
355
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,702
sometimes when we're having sex,
she calls out your name.
356
00:19:02,253 --> 00:19:03,369
No kidding.
357
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:04,866
What about the other times?
358
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,719
She makes me call it out.
359
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,459
Boy...
360
00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:13,408
that really wasn't a quickie, was it?
361
00:19:13,794 --> 00:19:15,414
The first one was.
362
00:19:16,718 --> 00:19:20,831
Anyway, so just to reiterate,
today is Jake's day, it's not about us.
363
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:21,782
I know.
364
00:19:21,814 --> 00:19:25,193
So you could just relax,
and don't feel obligated to, you know,
365
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:26,490
socialize or...
366
00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:28,096
talk to anybody.
367
00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:30,373
Don't worry, Alan,
I'm not going to embarrass you.
368
00:19:30,534 --> 00:19:32,148
Right, right, I know you won't.
369
00:19:32,662 --> 00:19:34,587
So, to summarize what I reiterated,
370
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:37,126
we're just going to play it cool,
low key,
371
00:19:37,278 --> 00:19:39,112
nothing to be gained
by drawing attention to ourselves.
372
00:19:39,394 --> 00:19:40,486
I got it.
373
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:43,315
Just don't ring the doorbell!
374
00:19:54,451 --> 00:19:55,725
Sorry we're late,
375
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:57,116
but...
376
00:19:58,607 --> 00:20:01,558
I was having sex with this
gorgeous 22-year-old woman!
377
00:20:02,798 --> 00:20:04,183
Wait, wait, wait.
378
00:20:05,764 --> 00:20:06,694
Okay.
379
00:20:06,753 --> 00:20:08,349
Come in and say that again.
380
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,245
Go away.
381
00:20:15,519 --> 00:20:17,547
-Did you find him?
-Yeah, he's in the bathroom.
382
00:20:17,713 --> 00:20:19,728
-Is he okay?
-I don't know.
383
00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,631
Jake, are you okay?
384
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,427
I'm fine, go away!
385
00:20:23,836 --> 00:20:26,802
He's probably humiliated because
his father's dating a Campfire Girl.
386
00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:28,785
Give it a rest, Judith.
387
00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:29,833
What's going on?
388
00:20:29,915 --> 00:20:32,404
-Jake won't come out of the bathroom.
-Jake, come on out, honey.
389
00:20:32,545 --> 00:20:33,520
I can't.
390
00:20:33,543 --> 00:20:35,483
-Why not?
-I just can't.
391
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,961
I was wondering
where everyone snuck off to.
392
00:20:38,084 --> 00:20:40,905
Whatever you're saying about me,
you can say right to my face.
393
00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:43,008
This isn't about you, Mom.
394
00:20:43,231 --> 00:20:44,637
I wish I could believe that.
395
00:20:45,351 --> 00:20:46,508
What's the holdup?
396
00:20:46,626 --> 00:20:47,812
He won't come out of the bathroom.
397
00:20:47,866 --> 00:20:49,913
-Is he sick?
-Who won't come out of the bathroom?
398
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:50,970
Your grandson.
399
00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:52,609
Why? Is he mad at me?
400
00:20:53,773 --> 00:20:55,515
Jake, honey,
what have you had to eat today?
401
00:20:55,556 --> 00:20:57,741
Just a little coffee and some vitamins.
402
00:20:57,887 --> 00:21:00,971
-Coffee? You let him have coffee?
-No! You let him have coffee?
403
00:21:01,124 --> 00:21:02,350
He had a sip.
404
00:21:02,451 --> 00:21:04,789
Well, wait a second.
Why did he take vitamins?
405
00:21:04,825 --> 00:21:06,022
I was tired.
406
00:21:06,219 --> 00:21:08,887
Okay, but where did you find
vitamins to take?
407
00:21:09,009 --> 00:21:10,367
In your medicine cabinet.
408
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:13,061
I don't have any vitamins
in my medicine cabinet.
409
00:21:13,326 --> 00:21:15,559
Yeah, you do.
The little blue ones with a "V" on them.
410
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:19,848
Ooh...
411
00:21:20,884 --> 00:21:22,257
What's going on? I don't understand.
412
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,430
The kid's going to need
another party hat.
413
00:21:26,898 --> 00:21:32,979
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