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1
00:00:09,336 --> 00:00:11,250
This is such a beautiful sunset.
2
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:13,533
Thanks.
3
00:00:15,494 --> 00:00:16,305
"Thanks"?
4
00:00:16,791 --> 00:00:18,269
You're taking credit for the sunset?
5
00:00:18,641 --> 00:00:20,884
Well, no, not-not-not the sunset, per se,
6
00:00:21,006 --> 00:00:22,807
but I did buy a very expensive house
on the beach
7
00:00:22,854 --> 00:00:25,766
so we can stand here and
watch the sunset, so...
8
00:00:26,773 --> 00:00:27,630
thanks.
9
00:00:29,006 --> 00:00:31,248
The fancy beach house
works with a lot of women, doesn't it?
10
00:00:31,881 --> 00:00:32,670
Honestly?
11
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,390
It's like a G-spot with two mortgages.
12
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:40,165
Well, just so you know, I'm not
with you for your house or your money.
13
00:00:40,714 --> 00:00:41,845
So it's the car.
14
00:00:42,703 --> 00:00:44,156
Why would I care about your car?
15
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:46,289
It's an $80,000 Mercedes.
16
00:00:46,641 --> 00:00:48,856
Yeah, so? What does it do
that other cars don't do?
17
00:00:49,022 --> 00:00:50,589
It costs $80,000.
18
00:00:52,245 --> 00:00:54,675
Hey, I almost forgot.
I have something for you.
19
00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:58,211
Oh, Charlie, you don't have
to buy me expensive jewelry.
20
00:00:58,328 --> 00:01:00,583
Okay, nothing but cheap crap from now on.
21
00:01:04,387 --> 00:01:05,526
It's beautiful.
22
00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:06,650
Read the inscription.
23
00:01:08,899 --> 00:01:12,240
"One month, two weeks, four days."
What-what does it mean?
24
00:01:12,862 --> 00:01:16,433
Well, since we've decided to go ahead and consummate our relationship,
25
00:01:16,938 --> 00:01:17,853
finally,
26
00:01:18,924 --> 00:01:21,683
I thought I should honor the time
we've already spent together...
27
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,092
exclusively...
28
00:01:23,311 --> 00:01:24,525
in a committed relationship...
29
00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:25,817
without any sex...
30
00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:28,824
what-so-ever.
31
00:01:30,638 --> 00:01:33,151
So unless we have sex
before midnight tonight,
32
00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:34,560
you're going to need to buy a new bracelet?
33
00:01:34,831 --> 00:01:35,652
Uh-huh.
34
00:01:36,099 --> 00:01:37,466
You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?
35
00:01:37,596 --> 00:01:38,675
Uh-huh.
36
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,573
Well, since you went
to all the trouble to engrave it...
37
00:01:42,761 --> 00:01:44,868
Don't even ask what I used as a chisel.
38
00:01:50,756 --> 00:01:51,426
Kandi.
39
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,144
Hello, Alan. Is Charlie available?
Because I wish to speak with him.
40
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,017
Oh, oh, uh...
41
00:01:58,439 --> 00:02:01,891
Uh, okay. Um, why don't you wait here,
and I'll, uh, let him know.
42
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:04,558
I would be immensely appreciative
if you would.
43
00:02:06,079 --> 00:02:07,090
All righty.
44
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,555
What the hell does... this mean?
45
00:02:52,177 --> 00:02:53,748
-I was sending you a message.
-What...
46
00:02:53,901 --> 00:02:55,686
that you're a woman trapped in a man's body?
47
00:02:56,957 --> 00:02:57,850
Kandi's here.
48
00:02:57,972 --> 00:02:59,536
And you want me to call you Kandi?
49
00:03:00,699 --> 00:03:02,930
No, Kandi,
the girl you were seeing before Mia.
50
00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:04,262
Oh...
51
00:03:05,568 --> 00:03:07,086
Charlie, she's been calling here for days.
52
00:03:07,149 --> 00:03:08,191
Don't you think it's time you let her know
53
00:03:08,214 --> 00:03:09,961
you're in an exclusive relationship
with another woman?
54
00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:11,158
Yeah, Charlie.
55
00:03:11,356 --> 00:03:14,601
After all, it's been
"one month, two weeks, four days."
56
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,049
Did you know that Alan's a woman
trapped in a man's body?
57
00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:26,364
Episode 3x14
58
00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:29,968
"Love isn't blind, it's retarded"
59
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:31,905
So...
60
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:34,678
are you going to go talk
to your ex-girlfriend?
61
00:03:34,755 --> 00:03:36,363
Okay, first of all, sweetheart,
62
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,627
she's not really an ex-girlfriend.
63
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,084
Her name's Kandi.
64
00:03:41,614 --> 00:03:42,601
Thanks, Alan.
65
00:03:43,872 --> 00:03:44,905
With a "K."
66
00:03:45,943 --> 00:03:46,775
Alan...
67
00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:48,001
And an "I."
68
00:03:49,721 --> 00:03:53,561
Okay, so if Kandi with a "K" and and "I"
isn't your ex-girlfriend, then what is she?
69
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,793
Well, I-I-I'd-I would say she's more of a,
uh,
70
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,411
person who would
71
00:03:58,528 --> 00:04:01,158
drop by from time to time and...
72
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:02,379
uh...
73
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,589
yeah, that.
74
00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:08,795
And why haven't you told this person
that you're in a committed relationship?
75
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:10,167
Her name's Kandi.
76
00:04:11,955 --> 00:04:13,564
Boy, you're on thin ice.
77
00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,638
I think we both know why you didn't tell her.
78
00:04:17,095 --> 00:04:19,323
Well, if that's the case,
then this discussion is moot...
79
00:04:20,568 --> 00:04:22,764
.....and we should go upstairs
while Alan goes back out there
80
00:04:22,787 --> 00:04:25,084
and delivers a very credible lie
as to my whereabouts. Alan?
81
00:04:25,226 --> 00:04:27,301
Well, I'm not half the liar you are but...
82
00:04:27,712 --> 00:04:28,933
I'll give it a shot.
83
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:33,021
Shall we go upstairs
and continue this conversation?
84
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:35,188
Are you out of your freakin' mind?
85
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,281
Okay. You're mad. I get that.
86
00:04:39,475 --> 00:04:40,472
So?
87
00:04:41,094 --> 00:04:43,384
Uh, well, Kandi, it's like this.
88
00:04:46,181 --> 00:04:47,783
Charlie's with another woman.
89
00:04:48,827 --> 00:04:50,823
Don't lie to me, Alan.
90
00:04:52,734 --> 00:04:54,358
Okay, uh...
91
00:04:54,429 --> 00:04:56,765
he's in Africa working as
92
00:04:56,801 --> 00:04:58,762
a scrub nurse for Doctors without Borders.
93
00:04:59,970 --> 00:05:01,992
Story of my life!
94
00:05:03,414 --> 00:05:05,017
That's the story of your life?
95
00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:08,687
It's not always a scrub nurse,
but it's always Africa.
96
00:05:11,539 --> 00:05:12,630
Before you say anything else,
97
00:05:12,818 --> 00:05:15,055
I want you to know
I've anticipated problems like this.
98
00:05:15,642 --> 00:05:17,197
Look on the other side of the bracelet.
99
00:05:19,665 --> 00:05:21,039
"I'm very, very sorry."
100
00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:24,783
Huh? Huh?
101
00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:27,405
You know what your problem is, Charlie?
102
00:05:27,429 --> 00:05:30,212
It's that you don't really believe
in this relationship.
103
00:05:30,584 --> 00:05:31,680
Not believe in it?
104
00:05:31,919 --> 00:05:34,282
It's kept me from having sex
for over six weeks.
105
00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:37,301
That'd be like not believing
in a serious groin pull.
106
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:39,623
You know what Kandi is?
107
00:05:39,963 --> 00:05:41,480
I try not to judge.
108
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:42,914
She's a lifeboat.
109
00:05:43,362 --> 00:05:45,820
You're keeping a lifeboat
for when this ship sinks.
110
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,790
Hey, hey, hey, lifeboats don't mean
you expect the ship to sink--
111
00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:51,684
the relation-ship, if I may.
112
00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:56,408
What they mean is that you have
a-a-a healthy respect for the...
113
00:05:56,853 --> 00:05:58,309
power of the sea.
114
00:05:59,758 --> 00:06:01,567
Are you listening to yourself?
115
00:06:02,277 --> 00:06:05,187
Yeah, I just caught the last part.
Not well thought out. No.
116
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:10,278
All my life, guys have looked at me
like I'm just some kind of sex toy.
117
00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,325
Well, they're wrong.
118
00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:18,770
Yeah. Just because you're good at something
doesn't mean you should be pigeonholed.
119
00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:25,800
Uh-huh.
120
00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:31,244
And the only reason I'm so good at it
is 'cause I practice.
121
00:06:33,465 --> 00:06:34,562
A-ha.
122
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,311
Of course,
123
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,952
all the practice in the world isn't going
to help if you don't love what you're doing.
124
00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:43,493
A-ha.
125
00:06:45,049 --> 00:06:46,506
What do you want me to do, Mia,
126
00:06:46,767 --> 00:06:48,667
call every woman I've ever known
just to announce that I'm now
127
00:06:48,692 --> 00:06:50,406
in a committed relationship?
128
00:06:50,762 --> 00:06:52,793
"Hi, Shirley? This is Charlie Harper.
129
00:06:52,981 --> 00:06:55,470
"We met at Disneyland about 22 years ago...
130
00:06:56,873 --> 00:06:59,408
"Yeah, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. That was me.
131
00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:02,755
"Anyway, I just thought
I should let you know I have...
132
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,199
"a girlfriend now,
133
00:07:04,873 --> 00:07:07,641
"so I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me.
Okay, bye-bye."
134
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,978
Well, that takes care of Shirley.
Now what about Kandi?
135
00:07:12,213 --> 00:07:13,740
You want me to tell her? Fine.
136
00:07:14,256 --> 00:07:15,207
I'll tell her.
137
00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,668
I'll go tell her right now.
138
00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:21,799
But before I cut her loose completely,
139
00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:24,190
let me float a crazy idea by ya.
140
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,143
Sort of a win-win...
141
00:07:28,577 --> 00:07:29,434
win.
142
00:07:30,589 --> 00:07:32,645
Are you out of your freakin' mind?
143
00:07:33,514 --> 00:07:34,941
It was worth a shot.
144
00:07:38,338 --> 00:07:40,087
Kandi, before you say anything,
145
00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:42,823
I just want you to know
that I'm in a committed relationship now
146
00:07:42,844 --> 00:07:44,784
and I'm-I'm-I'm really in love
with this woman.
147
00:07:45,468 --> 00:07:47,464
She's the best thing
that's ever happened to me,
148
00:07:47,594 --> 00:07:49,582
and I can't imagine being with anyone else.
149
00:07:50,255 --> 00:07:52,028
Now, sweetheart...
150
00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:55,381
don't cry.
151
00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:57,438
I'm sure you'll find someone else.
152
00:08:00,743 --> 00:08:02,176
Bye-bye!
153
00:08:02,251 --> 00:08:02,967
Bye-bye.
154
00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:04,881
What? I thought we were going upstairs.
155
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,145
Okay. You're still mad. I get that.
156
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:15,897
I made your bed.
157
00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:17,048
Thank you.
158
00:08:17,345 --> 00:08:18,922
It's been real easy lately.
159
00:08:20,075 --> 00:08:21,237
How nice for you.
160
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:24,310
You haven't even been flying solo, have you?
161
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,802
That's a little personal, isn't it?
162
00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:29,172
Hey, you want privacy, wash your own sheets.
163
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:32,244
Once I get my mitts on 'em,
they're in the public domain.
164
00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:34,701
-Good morning.
-Morning.
165
00:08:35,002 --> 00:08:38,134
-How'd it go with Mia last night?
-Based on his laundry, not well.
166
00:08:38,623 --> 00:08:40,161
Why don't you tell the neighbors?
167
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,934
Where do you think I'm going?!
168
00:08:45,009 --> 00:08:47,135
Oh, by the way,
thanks for getting rid of Kandi for me.
169
00:08:47,392 --> 00:08:49,073
Hey, I'm your brother. I got your back.
170
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:50,306
Good to know.
171
00:08:50,424 --> 00:08:52,419
Hey, as long as we're on the subject,
172
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,710
I was wondering...
173
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:54,917
since you're...
174
00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:58,346
swimming in Lake Monogamy, as it were...
175
00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:01,494
would you mind if I, you know...
176
00:09:02,069 --> 00:09:03,537
asked Kandi out sometime?
177
00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:04,567
Go for it.
178
00:09:04,854 --> 00:09:06,814
-Just wanted to make sure you're okay with it.
-I'm fine with it.
179
00:09:06,884 --> 00:09:08,574
I just don't want you to feel weird.
180
00:09:08,658 --> 00:09:09,947
Thanks for your consideration.
181
00:09:10,647 --> 00:09:12,728
Morning, Huggy Bear!
182
00:09:20,272 --> 00:09:22,084
So, Kandi, you want to go out sometime?
183
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,047
Okay,
I want you to know I tracked down Kandi.
184
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,912
I told her she needs to move on, and she has,
185
00:09:36,057 --> 00:09:38,809
so I've got no lifeboats,
no life preservers, no water wings.
186
00:09:39,032 --> 00:09:40,574
If the ship goes down,
I'm going down with it.
187
00:09:40,676 --> 00:09:42,137
-Charlie...
-So there's no longer any reason
188
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,884
to put off you and me getting naked
and rutting like a couple of pigs.
189
00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:48,761
Charlie, I'd like you to meet my parents.
190
00:09:53,207 --> 00:09:54,170
Hello.
191
00:10:01,606 --> 00:10:03,533
What if Dad says I can stay up to watch it?
192
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:04,553
He won't.
193
00:10:05,429 --> 00:10:06,597
How do you know?
194
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:09,933
Your father and I talk about these things,
so don't try to play us against each other.
195
00:10:10,225 --> 00:10:11,944
I got to try. It's what I do.
196
00:10:14,502 --> 00:10:15,569
Hi!
197
00:10:17,592 --> 00:10:20,107
Hello. Is, uh, Alan here?
198
00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:22,346
Father Huggy Bear!
199
00:10:23,752 --> 00:10:24,891
Yes, my child?
200
00:10:27,052 --> 00:10:28,710
You've got company.
201
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:29,854
Alan?
202
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,489
Stall 'em! Stall 'em! Stall 'em!
203
00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:33,635
Okay.
204
00:10:36,019 --> 00:10:37,849
-You must be Jake.
-Uh-huh.
205
00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:39,822
And you must be Jake's grandma.
206
00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,159
Judith, hi.
207
00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:49,415
Why don't you go watch some cartoons.
208
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:50,699
-Okay.
-Cool!
209
00:10:55,854 --> 00:10:57,377
Are you proud of yourself?
210
00:10:57,855 --> 00:11:00,285
-What do you mean?
-Oh, please, she has to be half your age.
211
00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:01,476
Oh, that.
212
00:11:02,008 --> 00:11:03,601
Yeah, I am pretty proud of that.
213
00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:08,006
What could you possibly have in common?
What do you talk about?
214
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:08,922
Talk?
215
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,910
To tell you the truth,
we haven't really done a lot of talking.
216
00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:15,713
I mean, I-I did hear her confession.
217
00:11:18,257 --> 00:11:20,288
She's been a very bad girl.
218
00:11:24,965 --> 00:11:27,853
And I'm supposed to leave Jake here?
What kind of message does that send him?
219
00:11:28,616 --> 00:11:32,550
I don't know, dreams can come true?
Life is beautiful? There is a God?
220
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:34,411
Hey, Jude.
221
00:11:35,113 --> 00:11:35,888
Father.
222
00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:40,392
I suppose you're the one
that introduced Alan to that slutty little...
223
00:11:40,457 --> 00:11:43,066
Don't say it, Judith.
You'll just be demeaning all women.
224
00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:44,919
And yes.
225
00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:48,509
Figures.
Well, I don't want her around my son.
226
00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:50,034
Oh, really?
227
00:11:50,104 --> 00:11:52,177
So do I get to screen
the men that you're dating?
228
00:11:52,224 --> 00:11:55,641
And let's not forget, I know about that guy
who delivered the truckload of sod.
229
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:56,864
What about him?
230
00:11:57,321 --> 00:11:59,943
It doesn't take two months
to put down a new lawn, Judith.
231
00:12:01,445 --> 00:12:03,998
Sounds like she got laid before the sod did.
232
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,968
I'm not going to dignify that
with a response.
233
00:12:09,683 --> 00:12:11,353
Watch out for crabgrass.
234
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,583
So what's Kandi,
a nun?
235
00:12:18,665 --> 00:12:20,309
Mm,
catholic school girl.
236
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:21,730
Oh, excellent choice.
237
00:12:23,532 --> 00:12:25,564
Oh, uh, hey, how are things with Mia?
238
00:12:25,928 --> 00:12:28,734
Not bad. She forgives me.
introduced me to her parents.
239
00:12:28,991 --> 00:12:30,895
Oh, yeah?
How'd that go?
240
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:33,647
Well, you know,
those things are always awkward.
241
00:12:35,492 --> 00:12:38,087
But the big news is, I'm taking Mia
to the Bel Air Hotel tonight,
242
00:12:38,110 --> 00:12:41,703
where we will finally express our love for
one another in the way that we were meant to.
243
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:44,035
-Drunk and in a hurry.
-You got it.
244
00:12:48,682 --> 00:12:50,384
-How's the caviar?
-It's perfect.
245
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:51,812
Everything's perfect.
246
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:53,864
Would you like me to build a fire?
247
00:12:53,934 --> 00:12:55,063
Oh, don't go to any trouble.
248
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:56,118
It's no trouble.
249
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:03,219
Luckily, I was a Boy Scout in Beverly Hills.
250
00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:04,831
Champagne?
251
00:13:04,955 --> 00:13:08,090
No, thanks. I want to be completely present
for the first time we make love.
252
00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:09,783
Oh. Good for you.
253
00:13:11,953 --> 00:13:13,186
Don't you want to be present?
254
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,927
Uh, well, within reason.
255
00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:17,926
Come on.
256
00:13:19,644 --> 00:13:21,722
What do you say we save the champagne?
257
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:23,845
But I already opened it.
258
00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:26,392
Do you really need alcohol
to make love to me?
259
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:27,484
No, no.
260
00:13:28,437 --> 00:13:29,709
I don't need it.
261
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:31,351
Well, then...
262
00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:38,438
Is something wrong?
263
00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:40,328
I don't know.
264
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:41,843
I mean,
265
00:13:42,115 --> 00:13:44,048
we didn't hop into bed on the first date,
266
00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:46,679
we've gotten to know each other really well,
we're not drinking--
267
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,604
it's all so new to me.
268
00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:51,123
That's what makes it special.
269
00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:53,486
I just don't want either of us to be
270
00:13:53,796 --> 00:13:55,146
disappointed because...
271
00:13:55,463 --> 00:13:57,189
one of us might not be...
272
00:13:57,902 --> 00:13:59,675
throwing their "A" game tonight.
273
00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:02,424
-Are you nervous?
-No, no, of course not.
274
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:04,912
But, you know, of the two of us,
only one can...
275
00:14:05,231 --> 00:14:06,790
fake an "A" game.
276
00:14:07,838 --> 00:14:10,575
There is nothing that you could do
to disappoint me tonight, Charlie.
277
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,780
No, no. It's what I can't do
that might disappoint you.
278
00:14:14,022 --> 00:14:15,819
You just relax. I'll be right back.
279
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,746
Okay.
280
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,017
Uh-oh.
281
00:15:16,050 --> 00:15:17,549
Why don't you put some music on?
282
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:23,120
Okay.
283
00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:25,475
Should I ask?
284
00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:26,734
I wish you wouldn't.
285
00:15:32,568 --> 00:15:35,515
I'm not supposed to play this game,
'cause my mom says it's too violent.
286
00:15:35,874 --> 00:15:39,497
It has to be violent.
You can't negotiate with zombies.
287
00:15:40,829 --> 00:15:43,988
-Don't tell me, tell her.
-I don't think she likes me.
288
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:45,814
She doesn't really like anybody.
289
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,623
Except the guy who keeps putting grass
in our backyard.
290
00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:52,091
Okay...
291
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,386
time for bed.
292
00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:55,840
-Just a little longer?
-I'm not sleepy!
293
00:15:57,530 --> 00:15:58,630
No, him.
294
00:15:58,763 --> 00:16:01,393
Oh...
I get to stay up.
295
00:16:03,142 --> 00:16:04,525
-That's not fair!
-Jake.
296
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:06,890
Just 'cause she is a girl.
297
00:16:08,219 --> 00:16:09,370
Want to play?
298
00:16:09,532 --> 00:16:12,226
Oh, no, thanks. I-I thought maybe we
could just talk.
299
00:16:12,961 --> 00:16:16,187
Hang on,
let me just saw off this zombie's head.
300
00:16:17,627 --> 00:16:18,723
Good Lord!
301
00:16:19,176 --> 00:16:20,560
There we go.
302
00:16:20,831 --> 00:16:22,690
Now let me save my work.
303
00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:26,537
Okay. All done.
Want to have sex?
304
00:16:29,345 --> 00:16:30,155
Uh...
305
00:16:30,731 --> 00:16:32,292
Uh, actually, I-I do.
306
00:16:32,928 --> 00:16:36,805
Um, but, uh, maybe we could spend a little
time getting to know each other first.
307
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,355
All right.
308
00:16:39,292 --> 00:16:40,432
What do you want to know?
309
00:16:40,948 --> 00:16:42,768
Uh... well,
310
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,944
do you have any brothers or sisters?
311
00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:46,776
I do not.
How about you?
312
00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,338
Well...
Charlie.
313
00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:55,764
Oh, right, Charlie.
314
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:02,768
Uh, do you like to read?
315
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:04,299
Oh, yeah, I love reading.
316
00:17:04,334 --> 00:17:06,922
Oh, great, great, me, too.
Read anything good lately?
317
00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:12,166
You mean like books and magazines,
not billboards and text messages, right?
318
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,158
Yeah.
319
00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:16,211
Then no.
320
00:17:20,943 --> 00:17:22,164
Do menus count?
321
00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:28,773
Are you ready for me?
322
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,805
Mia,
if I were any more ready,
323
00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:34,220
I'd be done.
324
00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:41,746
Aah!
325
00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:46,039
-Oh! Geez. I'm sorry. Are you okay?
-I think so.
326
00:17:46,075 --> 00:17:47,042
Are you sure?
327
00:17:47,078 --> 00:17:48,205
Yeah, I'm fine.
328
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:54,402
-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
-Are you okay?
329
00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:55,412
Aah!
330
00:17:57,419 --> 00:17:58,969
Aah!
331
00:18:09,013 --> 00:18:10,633
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
332
00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:13,181
But I think that's enough foreplay.
333
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:19,303
See, the thing for me was that
I never should have gotten married.
334
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:22,851
I was young, I didn't know who I was,
and, to be completely honest,
335
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:25,070
I was just afraid of being alone.
336
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:26,717
Wow.
337
00:18:28,471 --> 00:18:30,605
Can I share something with you?
338
00:18:30,845 --> 00:18:33,898
Uh, yes, please. This is communicating.
This is how we connect.
339
00:18:34,175 --> 00:18:37,821
You shouldn't tell people that stuff.
It makes you sound like a loser.
340
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,844
No, it makes me sound like a
real human being,
341
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,004
a person with feelings and flaws.
342
00:18:54,665 --> 00:18:56,310
Tell you what,
why don't we just go have sex.
343
00:18:56,592 --> 00:18:57,707
Finally!
344
00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:07,650
Oh, cheer up.
345
00:19:08,864 --> 00:19:10,237
It wasn't that bad.
346
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:14,127
There were...
parts of it that I liked.
347
00:19:15,817 --> 00:19:18,076
Would you please not go
over the game film now?
348
00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:21,078
What's the big deal?
349
00:19:21,439 --> 00:19:22,501
What's the big deal?
350
00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:25,133
This is supposed to be the part
of the relationship that I'm good at.
351
00:19:25,219 --> 00:19:26,107
You are.
352
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:27,745
It... was...
353
00:19:28,214 --> 00:19:29,130
fine.
354
00:19:31,098 --> 00:19:32,589
I don't want to hear "fine."
355
00:19:32,764 --> 00:19:35,385
I want to see your eyes roll back
and the top of your head blow off.
356
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:37,519
This isn't a carnival game,
357
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:40,263
and the object is not just
to swing your mallet and ring my bell.
358
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:41,814
Well, we disagree.
359
00:19:43,361 --> 00:19:44,909
That's just your ego talking.
360
00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:46,761
Charlie, listen to me.
361
00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:49,138
I love you, not your money or
362
00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:51,639
your car or your house or your skills in bed.
363
00:19:51,782 --> 00:19:53,355
What's left?!
364
00:19:54,132 --> 00:19:54,970
Charlie...
365
00:19:55,103 --> 00:19:56,113
Oh, come on, come on.
366
00:19:56,154 --> 00:20:00,185
You're saying that if I was some
pencil-weenie guy and living in a shack and
367
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:04,305
taking the bus to my job selling oranges
on the freeway off-ramp, you'd still love me?
368
00:20:04,645 --> 00:20:06,469
Yes, I would still love you.
369
00:20:07,495 --> 00:20:09,335
Okay.
I understand now.
370
00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:10,389
Good.
371
00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:12,029
You're insane.
372
00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:14,526
Why, because I love the real you?
373
00:20:14,602 --> 00:20:17,246
No, no, because you think there is a real me.
374
00:20:19,029 --> 00:20:23,221
Would you believe I loved you if my eyes
had rolled back and my head had blown off?
375
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:25,325
It would be a start.
376
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:27,723
All right...
377
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,575
I guess we're just going
to have to try again.
378
00:20:33,402 --> 00:20:34,536
Hang on, hang on.
379
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,771
How am I going to know you're not
faking it just to make me feel better?
380
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:41,230
Honey, if I was going to fake it, don't you
think I would've done it the first time?
381
00:20:42,837 --> 00:20:44,141
Fair enough.
382
00:20:49,406 --> 00:20:50,747
Hey, you want to hear something amusing?
383
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:51,991
Always.
384
00:20:52,644 --> 00:20:54,098
According to my girlfriend,
385
00:20:54,205 --> 00:20:57,315
underneath all the superficial
cool stuff in my life, there's...
386
00:20:57,408 --> 00:20:58,621
actually a real me.
387
00:20:59,414 --> 00:21:00,191
No kidding?
388
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,425
Apparently, he's quite a guy.
389
00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:04,691
Well, I'd like to meet him sometime.
390
00:21:04,914 --> 00:21:06,111
Don't hold your breath.
391
00:21:08,679 --> 00:21:12,001
My girlfriend, on the other hand,
has no idea who I really am,
392
00:21:12,055 --> 00:21:13,457
damn little desire to find out,
393
00:21:13,657 --> 00:21:16,639
and is only interested in riding me
like a wild mustang
394
00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,610
and draining me of all bodily fluids.
395
00:21:20,271 --> 00:21:22,100
Oh.
How do you feel about that?
396
00:21:23,598 --> 00:21:24,730
I think I love her.
397
00:21:26,568 --> 00:21:27,445
You know what?
398
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,097
Love isn't blind,
399
00:21:29,638 --> 00:21:31,240
it's retarded.
400
00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:39,029
Synchro : Relaxx
401
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:45,434
Transcript : Raceman
402
00:21:46,688 --> 00:21:52,914
Coorrections : Bouliii + nColas
403
00:21:53,273 --> 00:22:00,977
www.forom.com
27525
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