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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,504
Oh, sign here.
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,540
What? No, no.
3
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,609
I requested a vault
And a pommel horse.
4
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,777
I'll kill myself
On this.
5
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:14,012
Dean albright
Requested it.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,513
She did?
7
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,048
She did?!
8
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,485
Mary!
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,788
Mary! You're
Coming back to me!
10
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,189
Uh, dick,
I'm kind of busy.
11
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,925
Of course. Busy resigning
From your post as dean!
12
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,628
Oh, mary, now we'll
Have time again.
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,131
Time for us. Let's go!
14
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,332
Dick,
I'm not resigning.
15
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,966
But the desk
In my office--
16
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,368
Ouroffice.
17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,803
Oh, that.
It's for dr. Ravelli,
18
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,173
Our new professor of
Comparative literature.
19
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,407
She's from harvard.
20
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,643
Harvard. How nice.
21
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,279
I'm sure I memoed you
About it.
22
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,414
So it's come to that,
Has it?
23
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,084
I'm now nothing more
To you than a tiny "Cc"
24
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,551
At the bottom of a memo.
25
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,755
Just another name
On the distribution list,
26
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,557
Dictated but not read.
27
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,493
Dick, you know
That's not true.
28
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,128
Do I?
29
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:06,031
Oh, I'm sorry.
30
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,900
I've been terribly busy.
31
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,503
How about we spend
Some time together?
32
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,637
Tonight.
Just the 2 of us.
33
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:13,571
Really?
34
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,406
Absolutely.
I'll bring the wine.
35
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,075
Say, uh, 6:00?
36
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,844
You've got the roundtable
On tenure.
37
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,178
7:00
Steering committee.
38
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,380
8:00?
39
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:24,949
Well, you're open, but
I could make something up.
40
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,017
8:00.
41
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,786
8:00. I'll see you
At my place.
42
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,187
Oh, and, uh, lucy...
43
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:30,989
What are you doing
At 8:00?
44
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,257
Nothing.
45
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,691
That's right.
46
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,831
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
47
00:01:38,833 --> 00:02:11,096
And the national
Broadcasting company
48
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,934
Tommy, could you get me
A bottle of bourbon
From the back room?
49
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:16,934
Yeah, you got it.
50
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:18,570
Hey, hey, hey, harry.
51
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,306
I don't mind your
Underage nephew helping
Out around the bar here,
52
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,708
But I'm not paying him.
53
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,377
Oh, no, that's ok.
I work for beer.
54
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,113
All right.
55
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:34,152
So, eric, uh,
How long have you
Been working with don?
56
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,320
Just a couple of weeks.
57
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,956
I'm--I'm waiting to get
Into the k-9 unit.
58
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,224
Oh, what's
The holdup?
59
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,293
Well, our--our
Dog ran away.
60
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,496
But we're putting up
Fliers.
61
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:48,367
So, eric, when do I get
To meet your girlfriend?
62
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:51,336
Uh...I don't
Have one right now.
63
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,039
You don't have
A girlfriend?
64
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,275
No.
65
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,710
Why? Is there
Something weird
About you?
66
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,546
No.
67
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,949
Sally, come on.
Eric just hasn't met
The right girl, that's all.
68
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:06,885
Well, we're gonna
Have to do something
About that.
69
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,820
Don: uh...
70
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,254
Why?
71
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,256
I don't know.
72
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,657
I mean, we're
So happy together.
73
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:15,527
I just want to see
All our single friends
To be just like us.
74
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,763
Oh...Ah, I don't think
You want to do that, sally.
75
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,032
Yeah, I definitely do.
76
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,699
Is there any way
I can stop you?
77
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,634
I don't think so.
78
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,902
Oh...
79
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:24,903
Look, I'm really
Not looking--
80
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,605
You know, this
Isn't about you.
81
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,575
Hey, harry,
Check this thing out.
82
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:33,578
Ohh! A hand truck.
Good for you.
83
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,180
Look what's
On the hand truck.
84
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,815
What the hell is that?
85
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,751
Oh, that's an old bar game.
The "Love tester."
86
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,952
It's been busted for years.
87
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,020
Well, can I fix it?
88
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,521
Knock yourself out.
89
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,623
Well, what does it do?
90
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,891
Well, it tells you
How good a lover
You are.
91
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,761
Oh, how?
You make love to it?
92
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,271
No, you--you just put
Your hand on it.
93
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,975
Then after a couple of dates,
You make love to it.
94
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,743
No, you just
Put a nickel in it.
95
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:09,348
Wow. A nickel
For all that lovin'.
96
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,021
She's 3 hours late!
97
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:19,224
Now, dick, just calm down.
98
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,859
It's reprehensible!
99
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,328
She's a very busy woman.
100
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,564
It's so insulting!
101
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,798
Dick, calm down.
102
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,833
I can't!
103
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,867
Now, don't do this
To yourself.
104
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:29,835
You're worth more than this.
105
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:30,969
Mary: ♪ hello ♪
106
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,771
How dare you!
107
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,706
Oh, dick, I'm so sorry.
108
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,042
The tenure committee
Bumped into
The steering committee,
109
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,643
And then the wheels
Came off.
110
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:42,013
Oh. Well, thanks to you,
I had to eat both our dinners,
111
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,748
And I'm
Uncomfortably full!
112
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,220
You know,
It's just as well.
113
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,823
That new professor,
Dr. Ravelli,
Just got into town,
114
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,157
And I told her
I'd take her out
For drinks.
115
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,859
Oh, ravelli!
116
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,396
It's bad enough she's
Taking over half my office.
117
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,730
Now this!
She's ruining everything.
118
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,198
I want her to go away!
119
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,568
Oh, come on, dick.
She's very nice.
120
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:04,569
You're going
To like her.
121
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,204
No, I won't!
122
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,740
I want things to be like
They used to be, mary.
123
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,008
Make love to me,
124
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,843
Right here on this table,
125
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,979
Like we always used
To want to do.
126
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,615
Oh, dick, I'd love to,
But I've got to run.
127
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,317
How about tomorrow...
128
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,318
Ok.
129
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,222
No, I've got an 8:00.
130
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:27,092
Thursday's no good.
131
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,826
I'll pencil you in
For a week from monday.
132
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,694
Oh, good.
133
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:31,329
A week from monday,
8:30.
134
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,330
Good.
135
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,264
Quarter of 9:00.
136
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,432
Good.
9-ish.
137
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:35,500
Bye.
Good.
138
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,768
Bye-bye.
139
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,337
A week from monday!
140
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,906
Well, at least
She's making an effort.
141
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:50,615
Oh. I see you're
Getting ready
For the arrival
142
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,350
Of professor mcbitch!
143
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,823
Her name is ravelli.
144
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:01,760
Oh, and my caustic joke
On her name
Is "Mcbitch."
145
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,597
Hmm...That's clever.
146
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:10,368
"Hello,
I'm professor mcbitch.
147
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,903
[with boston accent]
I come from harvard."
148
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,638
How snooty!
149
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,073
She's probably told all
Her harvard cronies
150
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,776
How she's crowding out
That solomon bumpkin.
151
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:19,977
Bumpkin--
152
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,779
How dare
She call me that!
153
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,149
And this is your office.
154
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:29,086
Oh, uh, jennifer ravelli,
Meet dick solomon.
155
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,722
[very british]
Oh, helloo.
156
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,826
Oh, what a
Delightfully eclectic
157
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,195
Sense of décor you have.
158
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,897
Ah, the mockery
Begins.
159
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,032
Oh, I love it!
How whimsical!
160
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,968
Ok, the potato man...
161
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,836
We don't touch that.
162
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:50,942
Ah, jennifer, have you
Met your assistant
Nina campbell?
163
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:54,712
Uh, dick, maybe you could
Take jennifer on a tour
Of the campus later on.
164
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,015
Oh, fine.
But we'll have to walk.
165
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,652
[hillbilly accent]
My rusty old tater truck's
In the shop,
166
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:03,288
And I plum forgot my mule.
167
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,992
Ha ha ha. Play nice.
168
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:10,061
So you teach literature,
Dr. Ravelli?
169
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,165
The classics--chaucer,
Moliére, cervantes...
170
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,699
So you read books
For a living.
171
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:17,569
And they pay me. Imagine!
172
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,405
[mocks her laugh]
173
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,740
Soooo-eeeee.
174
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,109
Pig, pig, pig, pig.
175
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,916
Nina!
Aah!
176
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:32,917
Sally!
177
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,886
Funny running
Into you here, huh?
178
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:35,887
Uh-huh.
179
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,656
Hey! It just occurred
To me.
180
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,292
I have the perfect guy
For you.
181
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,428
His name is eric.
He's great.
You gotta meet him.
182
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,297
Really? Well,
What's he like?
183
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,865
He's like...A guy.
184
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,267
You gotta meet him.
185
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,902
Well, how old is he?
186
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,972
I don't know.
187
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,008
Old enough, if that's
What you're worried about.
188
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,342
Well, is he black?
189
00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,777
Uh, does it matter?
190
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,780
No, but it would
Be nice, though.
191
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,347
Then he's black!
192
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,349
Are you sure?
193
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:07,718
Uh...
194
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,421
Yep, he's black.
Isn't that great?
195
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,422
Great.
196
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,423
Oh, great.
197
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,295
Well, harry,
198
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,664
Thanks to
My selfless efforts,
199
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,667
Right about now,
Nina and eric
Are probably doin' it.
200
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,903
It's only 7:00.
201
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,471
They're probably still
In the restaurant.
202
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,740
Ooh. Hope
They got a booth.
203
00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:34,779
All right. Ok,
I think I fixed it.
204
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,614
Let's try it out.
205
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,885
Machine:
♪ nyah nyah ♪
206
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,219
"Cold fish"?
207
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,755
I thought I had it
Working.
208
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:44,956
Here, let me try it.
209
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,027
[bell dings]
210
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,836
"Hot stuff."
211
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,403
Looks like
It's working to me.
212
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,072
Out of my way.
213
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:04,109
♪ nyah nyah ♪
214
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,343
This doesn't make
Any sense.
215
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,612
Hmm. Well, don't
Worry about it, tommy.
216
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:11,549
It probably just means
That I'm a lot sexier
Than you are.
217
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,752
[bell dings]
218
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,089
Ladies.
219
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,668
Good morning, dr. Solomon.
220
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,503
Good morning.
221
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,806
I think perchance
We picked a wrong foot
Off which to start.
222
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,942
So allow me this olive
Branch, if you will,
223
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,444
In the form of a cappuccino.
224
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,279
Oh, thank you.
225
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,547
I don't know about you,
226
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,983
But I like my "Cappies"
As I like my entendres--
227
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,417
[speaking french]
Double.
228
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:51,723
And I like my "Cappies"
As I like my french farces--
229
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,625
Scalding yet frothy.
230
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,595
What are those?
231
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,431
Oh, just a few books
From my collection.
232
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,467
Some illuminated
Manuscripts I picked up
In wales last summer
233
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,404
And a first edition of
Pride and prejudice.
234
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,472
Oh, impressive.
235
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,473
Ah, that's leather.
236
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,507
Oh, I'm sorry.
237
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,408
That's over 100 years old.
238
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,442
I'm sorry.
239
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,410
That's gilt!
Sorry.
240
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:13,411
That, too!
241
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,213
And...Hand-stenciled!
242
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,584
don quixote.
243
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,285
Yes, it's very rare.
244
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,621
"Sin su general y el castillo
245
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,356
sin su castellano..."
246
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,859
Very good.
247
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:31,662
But you don't get the full
Impact unless you hear it
In its true dialect.
248
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:32,730
Castillian.
249
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:33,731
Castillian?
250
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:34,933
Well, if I may...
251
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:42,173
[lisps] "Sin su general y el castillo
252
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,575
"Sin su castellano.
253
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,277
Así como suele
Decirse..."
254
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,152
I thee.
255
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:00,892
Nina!
256
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,028
Aah! Sally!
257
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,930
You sure are around here
A lot, aren't you?
258
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:08,499
I work here.
What are you
Doing here?
259
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,768
Great, yeah. I hear that--
By the way, uh...
260
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,503
How was your date with eric?
261
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,038
Oh, it was fun.
262
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,007
Did I not tell you
He's a great guy?
263
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,475
Yes, you did.
264
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:18,943
Yes, I did!
265
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:21,078
All right, when are you
Going to see him again?
266
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,980
Oh, I don't think
I'm going to,
But thanks.
267
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,448
He really is nice.
268
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,820
What?
269
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:32,323
No, no. You-you're
Talking crazy.
270
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,359
We just didn't spark.
271
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,492
I'm sorry, sally.
272
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,299
Not acceptable.
273
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,001
And once again.
274
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,703
[lisping]
"La mujer casada
275
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,306
y moza sin su marido."
276
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,108
No, make the tongue heavier.
277
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,542
[castillian]
Casada.
278
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,911
cathada.
279
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,745
Sin su marido.
280
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:58,415
thin thu marido.
281
00:11:58,417 --> 00:11:59,917
Roll the "R."
282
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:03,053
It starts in the back
Of the throat
283
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,056
An slowly off the tongue
And off the lips.
284
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,458
marrrrrido.
285
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,461
Yes. I have a class.
We'll pick this up later.
286
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,764
Oh, yes, please.
You're a very
Inspiring teacher.
287
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:15,266
With very shiny hair.
288
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,267
I'll see you later.
289
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,869
Oh, have a nice class.
290
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,737
Bye-bye. Good luck.
291
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,472
Have a nice class.
292
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,548
So did you manage
To go 5 minutes
293
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,116
Without biting
Dr. Ravelli's head off?
294
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,885
Oh, yes. In fact,
She's perfectly nice.
295
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,619
Delightful woman.
I love her.
296
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:42,794
I love her?!
297
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,830
What's the matter
With me?
298
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,198
What have
I done wrong?
299
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,465
You haven't done
Anything wrong.
300
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:49,767
No, I have!
301
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,302
Earth's not supposed
To work this way.
302
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,437
I know how it works.
You love one person.
303
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,406
For me, that's mary.
304
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,542
That's the one hard,
Solid fact I've always
Been able to count on.
305
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,745
And now there's
This jennifer.
306
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:02,714
What's going on?
307
00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:06,084
Aw, this planet's
Screwy!
308
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,786
Oh, I mean, nina
And eric are made
For each other,
309
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,755
But I can't get them
To see it.
310
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,890
Well, you guys, maybe
It's time to give up.
311
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:15,226
I don't know the meaning
Of the words "Give up."
312
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,461
Well, "Give" is a verb
Meaning--
313
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,263
I know the meaning
Of the words!
314
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,565
I just don't know
What's what anymore!
315
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,034
How can love work
This way?
316
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,268
It's totally random.
317
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:26,004
It's just electricity.
You can't control it.
318
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,038
It doesn't mean anything.
319
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,572
You really think
That's true?
320
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,075
Of course it's true.
That's just the way
The machine works.
321
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,244
"Cold fish." aah!
322
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,346
Well, dick, maybe it's
The office, you know.
323
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,948
Maybe you're destined
To fall in love with
324
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,582
Whoever you share
The office with.
325
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:39,550
That's ridiculous.
326
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,918
If loved worked
That way,
327
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,054
There'd be
Office romances
All over the place.
328
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:49,426
Businessmen having
Affairs with their
Secretaries. Please!
329
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,530
I can't let this happen.
330
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,565
No matter how tempting
Jennifer is,
331
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,401
I must be strong!
332
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,944
I loosened it for you.
333
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,390
Dick?
334
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,265
Dick!
335
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,834
[squeaks]
336
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,439
Dick!
337
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,143
[rings]
338
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,279
[whispers]
Hello. Yes.
339
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,481
No, I can't talk
Right now.
340
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,515
I'll have to
Call you back.
341
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,783
Dick, you scamp!
[yelps]
342
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,351
What game is this,
Then?
343
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:48,453
I-I-I'm sorry,
Jennifer.
344
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,121
I can't really talk
Just now.
345
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,855
I have a lot of work,
As you can see.
346
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:52,856
No, no. I see, yes.
347
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:53,924
Back to the salt mines.
348
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,192
Ha ha. That's right.
349
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,961
Why won't you
Look at me?
350
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:57,895
Oh, I'm not not
Looking at you.
351
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,363
Yes, you are.
352
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:02,533
No, I'm not, and besides,
I have excellent
Peripheral vision.
353
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,301
You never really know
What I'm looking at.
354
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:05,870
All right.
355
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,572
What's that I smell?
356
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,975
Oh, is that me?
I wore perfume today.
357
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,811
Antonia's flowers...
A scent of the hamptons.
358
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,512
Is it too strong?
359
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,114
No, no. It's quite nice.
360
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,916
In fact, it's...
361
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,953
Delicately,
Delightfully,
362
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,222
Teasingly...
363
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:27,291
Stinking! It's giving me
A headache.
Please go away.
364
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:28,860
I'm sorry, dick.
I'm sorry.
365
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,134
[laughing]
366
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,149
What's so funny?
367
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,250
Oh, it's moliére.
368
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,452
Oh, I--I never read him.
369
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,854
Oh, you must. Listen.
370
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,556
"Girl, you talk to much,
And, I'm afraid,
371
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:02,827
You're far too saucy
For a lady's maid."
372
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,165
Amusing, no?
373
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,436
No!
374
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:14,805
Well, then,
Why are you laughing?
375
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,073
Oh, I don't know.
376
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,475
You make me...
377
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,011
Oh, I don't know...
378
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,454
Excuse me! Mary!
379
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,790
Mary!
380
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,026
You're got to move jennifer
Out of my office.
381
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,360
Dick, I don't
Have time for this.
382
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,628
Well, you've got
To make time.
383
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:41,198
Ok. What's she doing
That's so horrible?
384
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,667
Well...
385
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,402
Ok, well...
386
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:46,938
Well, she wears
This perfume.
387
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,741
I--I try to work
But I--there it is,
388
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:52,376
Wafting all the way
Over to my desk.
389
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,479
Wafting...Uh-huh.
390
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:58,182
Well, she--she--she
Has this laugh.
391
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:01,953
It's infectious.
Like a disease!
392
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:03,020
Yeah?
393
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,956
Ok, uh, this might
Not sound like much,
394
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,225
But she touches
Her hair a lot.
395
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:11,061
And--and--and...
396
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,363
Oh, never mind.
397
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,699
Dick, you wanted her out
Before you even met her.
398
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,401
If you just
Got to know her
399
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,402
A little better--
400
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,504
No, mary, please, help me,
401
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:24,041
Before our whole world
Comes crashing down
Around our heads.
402
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,276
Dick, you're an adult.
403
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,245
If you have a problem
With her,
404
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,579
Deal with it yourself.
405
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,214
But, mary, I can't--
[telephone rings]
406
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,616
Oh. Hello?
407
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,418
Oh, thank you
For calling back.
408
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,420
Yes. It's about
The 3:00 meeting.
409
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,656
I can't possibly
Make it until 3:45.
410
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,391
Is that a problem?
411
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,926
Oh...
412
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:45,028
Well, could you possibly
Coordinate with them
413
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:47,665
And find out if they
Can make it at 3:45?
414
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,504
Ok. Favorite foods.
415
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,504
Nina?
416
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:55,639
Can you believe this?
417
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,407
Did she tell you
There was a party?
418
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,643
She told me
Open sushi bar.
419
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,846
Listen, guys, I had no idea
That she was gonna do this.
420
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,848
I can't say
That I'm surprised,
421
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:05,882
But I had no idea.
422
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,585
Ok, come on, guys.
Let's focus here!
423
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,119
Ok, turnons,
Turnoffs.
424
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,754
Sally, I have to warn you,
425
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,156
I'm about to scratch
Your eyeballs out!
426
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,526
Sally, can we powwow
For a moment?
427
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,495
Aah!
428
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:18,496
Can you believe this?
429
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,663
Unreal.
430
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,899
I mean, jeez, I already
Told her our date sucked.
431
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,233
Isn't that enough?
432
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,335
Excuse me. Sucked?
433
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:28,172
Sucked? Did I say sucked?
434
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,440
Yeah, it sucked.
435
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,476
Sally! They're not
Into each other.
436
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:33,610
Just let it be.
437
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,146
No, don, I know
What I'm doing.
438
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,248
I just want them to be
As happy as we are.
439
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,783
But we--we weren't
Forced together, sally.
440
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,086
We came together
Naturally.
441
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:45,356
I mean, you were this--
This...Huge boulder,
442
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,359
And I was this
Tiny drop of water.
443
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,362
And it took time,
But I kept dripping--
444
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,697
Drip, drip, drip--
445
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,032
Until I wore you down.
446
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,401
Yeah, you did.
447
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,570
And now look at us.
448
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,340
You're still a boulder,
449
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:06,143
But I've worn a nice
Little crease in you.
450
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,012
Oh, you're right, don.
451
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,549
If eric and nina
Are gonna find love,
452
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,550
They're just gonna have
To do it on their own.
453
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,120
♪ nyah nyah ♪
454
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:21,292
Hey...Why so blue,
Little buddy?
455
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,793
I'm a cold fish.
456
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,896
I'm destined
To live my life alone,
457
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:28,499
Unable to ignite
The faintest flicker
Of lust in any woman.
458
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,735
Oh, yeah,
I know how you feel.
459
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,403
[bell dings]
460
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,373
How can you know
How I feel?
461
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,942
You're hot stuff!
462
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,777
The world's your
Freakin' oyster, man!
463
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:40,777
Tommy!
464
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,753
Aah! Oh!
465
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:50,754
Jennifer.
466
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:54,091
Dick, you scared me
Well-nigh to death.
467
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,161
I've been waiting
For you.
468
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,362
For me?
469
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,098
We have to nip
This thing in the bud.
470
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,801
It pains me to say this,
But we can't be an item.
471
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,470
We can't be an item?
472
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,105
No, we can't.
473
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,740
And it's not because
You're not beautiful,
474
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,209
Because...
You know you are.
475
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:16,413
And I can't pretend
That your intellect
Doesn't intrigue me,
476
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,415
Because I'd like to
Drill holes in your head
477
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:22,252
And suck all
Your thoughts out
With a straw.
478
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:25,289
I'd love nothing more
Than to sweep you off
Your feet right now
479
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,391
And take you away to
Some distant island
480
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,760
Where we could romp
Naked in the crystal
Waters
481
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:33,263
And pay way too much
For mediocre food,
But what can we do?
482
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,598
It's basically
A monopoly,
483
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,368
And the service
Is pretty good.
484
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,136
But I can't! I can't!
485
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:42,172
And that's going
To have to be final!
486
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,743
I had no idea.
Oh, dick!
487
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,144
I've never thought
Of you that way.
488
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:49,146
You haven't?
489
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,147
No.
490
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,715
Oh, good.
491
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:55,686
Until...You said that.
492
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:59,523
I would never
Have dared dream that
I could ignite a passion
493
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:01,959
In such a distinguished
Mind as yours.
494
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:02,960
Distinguished?
495
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,796
Oh, yes!
496
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,631
I didn't mean
For this to happen.
497
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,468
I didn't mean
For any of this
To--to--to happen.
498
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,803
"Hope is
A lover's staff.
499
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:17,041
Walk hence with that
And manage it against
Despairing thoughts."
500
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:19,043
That's beautiful.
501
00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:21,312
That's shakespeare.
502
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:22,879
He's good.
503
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:33,023
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
504
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:36,026
And the national
Broadcasting company
505
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,730
Oh, come on, tommy.
506
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,300
Who cares what
The machine says?
507
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,934
You've got a lot
Going for you.
508
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,869
You're cute.
509
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:46,970
Great.
510
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,072
Oh, come on, tommy.
511
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:50,241
There's someone out there
For everyone.
512
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,975
You're a cold fish,
So what?
513
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,478
Find yourself a nice
Frigid girl.
514
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:56,714
Really?
515
00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:59,116
Yeah! Go on...
516
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,051
Rock on, fish boy!
517
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,587
Captioning performed by
The national captioning
Institute, inc.
518
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:06,189
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