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1
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:08,773
[grumbling]
2
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:12,111
Damn that channel 9
Weatherman!
3
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,079
What? It's not raining.
4
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,781
I know. I cut
Through his yard,
5
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,849
And the sprinklers
Went off.
6
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,322
Car wash again?
7
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,057
Do you see any soap?
8
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:30,062
Dr. Albright, they're
Having a reception
For that new professor.
9
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,430
Oh. Dr. Neesam.
10
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,698
Mm-hmm. Should I rsvp?
11
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,799
Please.
12
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,233
Oh, uh,
Me, too, nina.
13
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,803
Dick, this guy's
Kind of a big shot,
14
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,705
So when you
Meet him, try
Not to act so...
15
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,474
Brilliant?
No.
16
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,541
Athletic?
17
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,543
Uh, well--
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,810
Gorgeous?
19
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,479
Weird.
20
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,647
Weird as in sexy?
21
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,350
Weird as in weird.
22
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,085
Oh, so suddenly
I'm weird.
23
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,920
Not so suddenly, dick.
24
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,822
I said it today,
I said it yesterday,
25
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,224
I say it every day.
26
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,491
Oh, I thought
27
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,594
That was just
A running joke
We had.
28
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:03,928
I'd do something,
29
00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:05,697
Then after
The fire trucks left,
30
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,133
You'd let me
Have it. Ha ha.
All in good fun.
31
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,302
Dick,
You and your family--
32
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:11,803
I know
You mean well,
33
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,873
But sometimes
It's like being around
The addams family.
34
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:15,874
Well...
35
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,343
I will admit that
John adams' views
36
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:19,845
Of a strong
Central government
37
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,281
May have been ahead
Of their time--
38
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,150
That's not
Who I meant.
39
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,286
John quincy adams?!
40
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,721
You're comparing me
To that freak show?!
41
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,769
Oh!
42
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,307
Tommy, tell me
If this milk tastes bad.
43
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:54,412
We're kind of busy
Right now, sally.
44
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:57,349
We have to write
About our family's
History for class.
45
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,350
Ok. Um...
46
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:01,220
My family came
To america in 1852
47
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,454
On a dutch schooner.
48
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,223
How about yours?
49
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,861
Well, um,
50
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,230
My great-grandfather,
Uh...
51
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,665
Escaped from the nazis
Through the alps
52
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,970
With his family
And their singing nanny.
53
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,237
Um, tommy?
54
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,272
Yeah?
55
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,074
That's
the sound of music.
56
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,875
Yeah, I know.
57
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,377
And don't think
That we're not suing!
58
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,047
Hey.
59
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,548
Don't throw
That away.
60
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:31,883
Oh. Why,
Do you recycle?
61
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,552
No.
62
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,021
I'm trying to get
Into the guinness book of world records
63
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,957
For the world's
Biggest can collection.
64
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,259
How many do you have?
65
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,162
So far?
Just the one.
66
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,796
Oh. August.
67
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,331
I'm glad
You're here.
68
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,332
Tell me,
69
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,200
Do you think
That we are weird?
70
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,807
Well, um...
I don't think that--
71
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,075
Oh, come on,
Come on. I won't
Be offended.
72
00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,511
You can be honest.
73
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,647
Um...Sometimes...
74
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:03,982
You can be a little...
75
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:04,916
Weird.
76
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,420
And you're a pedantic
Little twerp!
77
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,921
Now get out
Of the house!
78
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,625
Why does everybody
Keep saying
That we're weird?
79
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,794
Jealousy.
80
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,763
No, come on.
This is important.
81
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:20,064
Our mission is to be
Average human beings.
82
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,768
Is it possible that
We're not fitting in
As well as we think?
83
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,540
Well, dick, you
Can be a little weird.
84
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,676
You're the weirdo.
85
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,879
Weird as in sexy?
86
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,347
You're both freaks.
87
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,349
Oh, yeah,
Compared to you?
88
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,351
[all talking at once]
89
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,452
Hey, hey.
90
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,153
Anybody got a can?
91
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,658
Harry, tell me
If this milk tastes bad.
92
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,232
Dick: family meeting!
Family meeting!
93
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,733
What you got there?
94
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:29,734
Books. Lots of books.
95
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:30,735
What for?
96
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:31,769
We're not fitting in.
97
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,838
Apparently, being human
Involves
98
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,706
More than just
2 arms, 2 legs,
99
00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:37,976
And the occasional
Major orifice.
100
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,945
What we have here is
The almanacs of man.
101
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,548
Statistics on lifestyles
And behavioral studies.
102
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,684
We've got
To become completely
Average americans,
103
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,653
And that takes work!
Now, come on,
Start reading.
104
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,654
Ah, look!
105
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,222
It says
The average american
106
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,926
Uses 4.1 pounds
Of butter a year.
107
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,294
Orally?
108
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:01,699
It says that the average
American commute
Is 22 minutes.
109
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:02,700
Oh, no.
110
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,336
I'm only
5 minutes
From work.
111
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:08,072
Tomorrow
Take the riding mower.
112
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,141
Ok.
113
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,143
Statistically,
At least one of us
114
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,244
Should be
Divorced by now.
115
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,245
Ooh!
116
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,647
I want that one!
117
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,918
And 10% of us
Should be gay.
118
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,589
That's not
Why we got divorced.
119
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,491
10% is
A minority.
120
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,892
We've got
To go with
The majority,
121
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:28,893
The average.
122
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,095
Oh. Ok.
123
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,930
The average family of 4
124
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,831
Lives in
A 3-bedroom residence.
125
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,667
We're going
To have to move.
126
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,402
You better
Tell dubcek.
127
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,837
Oh, she's
Going to be upset.
128
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,373
No. I'm sure
She'll be fine.
129
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,374
Mrs. Dubcek!
130
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,375
Mrs. Dubcek: what?
131
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:44,376
We're moving!
132
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,178
Mrs. Dubcek:
Like hell you are!
133
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,084
And this area,
Which I've designated "X,"
134
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,120
Is the guest suite,
Which opens into "Y,"
135
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:58,990
Creating a lovely area
For entertaining: "Z."
136
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,558
Is it cable-ready?
137
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,761
Does the walk-in closet
Have ample storage space?
138
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:04,996
I don't know.
139
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,298
I'm just telling you:
It does.
140
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:10,001
Dr. Solomon, does
The university know
141
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,769
That you're using
Your class time
142
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,337
To try and sublet
Your apartment?
143
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,706
Just for that, karen,
144
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,108
You're going to miss out
On this unique opportunity.
145
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,342
How much
Is the rent?
146
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:19,543
325 a month.
147
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:20,544
Cool!
I'm in!
148
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,446
That's less
Than my mom charges!
149
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,488
Uh, come on in,
Fellas.
150
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,222
Watch your step.
151
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,891
Well, this is it.
152
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:33,891
Cool!
153
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,527
Party!
154
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:38,763
I want
You boys to know
155
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:40,097
I'm in bed by 11:00.
156
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:42,466
Oh. Well, you know,
We'll keep it down.
157
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,534
No, I just...
158
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:44,802
Wanted you to know.
159
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,709
This is the living room...
160
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,377
Well, I think
We're ready.
161
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,946
Good-bye,
Mrs. Dubcek.
162
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,949
I believe it was
Mr. William shakespeare
Who said,
163
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,450
"Parting is
Such sweet sorrow--"
164
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,352
Bye-bye now.
165
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:04,188
Well, onward
To a new life.
166
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,328
Wow.
167
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,329
Everything's
So beige.
168
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:13,865
Hmm. A perfectly
Neutral color
169
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,266
For perfectly
Neutral living.
170
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,402
Hey! I've seen
This before.
171
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,770
This is
Stain-resistant
Carpet. Look.
172
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,246
That's
A good place
For a chair.
173
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,849
Everything's
Falling into place.
174
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,718
Yeah, but something
175
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,755
Isn't quite right...
176
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,426
Does it fit?
177
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:42,427
Mine does.
178
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,428
It feels great!
179
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,362
Look out!
180
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,239
[popping]
181
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,908
You know,
It is amazing
182
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,543
The advances
The swedes have made
183
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,211
In the science
Of furniture,
184
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,212
Especially
Considering
185
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,948
They have
Only one known tool.
186
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,449
This stuff is genius.
187
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:06,450
You guys,
188
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:09,220
Look what I got!
189
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,589
America's
Number one
Pain reliever,
190
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,025
America's
Leading chunky
Peanut butter,
191
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,461
And america's
Favorite mustard
192
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:18,229
For over
50 years.
193
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,365
Hey, this bread
Is recommended
194
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,666
By 4 out of 5 dentists
195
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,401
For their patients
Who chew bread.
196
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,169
Guys, I have
A date with mary.
197
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,238
Which shirt looks,
Better, this one...
198
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,739
Or this one?
199
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,208
[knock on door]
200
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:36,781
Hi.
201
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,016
Hi. Come in.
202
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,184
Hi. I'm flora.
203
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,185
And I'm steve.
204
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,186
I'm dick.
205
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,319
Hi, dick.
Are those
Dockers?
206
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:43,387
Yes, they are!
207
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,022
I have
Those exact pants.
208
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,192
Well, we just
Wanted to welcome you
To the building.
209
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,161
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
210
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,164
By the way, is that
Your red convertible
Parked outside?
211
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,466
Oh, don't worry.
We'll be replacing it soon
212
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,302
With a minivan or
A sport-utility vehicle.
213
00:08:58,304 --> 00:08:59,971
Good choice.
214
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,806
And, uh...
Your assigned
Parking spot
215
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,107
Is g-14.
216
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:06,343
And so you know,
We don't do laundry
After 10 p.M.
217
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,013
Wow. Is everything
So regimented
Around here?
218
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,749
Well, we have
A pretty active
219
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,916
Tenants'
Association.
220
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:12,917
Oh! Could I join?
221
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:13,918
Well, sure.
222
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,386
There's
A meeting
Tonight.
223
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,388
We have to tell you,
We're so glad to be rid
224
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,023
Of the last people
Who lived here.
225
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:22,093
They stored all kinds
Of junk on their balcony.
226
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,229
It's so nice to have
Some normal people here.
227
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,333
Normal!
Normal!
Normal!
Normal!
228
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:37,942
Thank you.
229
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,277
And you, sir?
230
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,646
I can't decide.
What is your most
Popular dish?
231
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,581
Well, a lot of people
Like the steak fajitas.
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,417
Then steak fajitas
It is.
233
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,251
And, uh, how would you
Like it cooked?
234
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,252
Medium.
235
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,253
And the sauce, sir?
236
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,254
Medium.
237
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,555
And your drink?
Cola, medium.
238
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,624
No, wait.
239
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,726
Yes, medium.
240
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,061
So, how'd you
Like the movie?
241
00:09:57,063 --> 00:10:00,431
It's the number one
Movie in america.
242
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,432
But did you like it?
243
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,067
It's america's
Favorite movie,
244
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,135
And that's
Good enough for me.
245
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,871
I guess it was ok.
246
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,706
2 thumbs up.
Way up.
247
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,244
I'm having
A nice time.
248
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,245
You are?
249
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,246
That's true.
250
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,747
You've neither
Screamed nor cried
251
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,716
All evening.
252
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,417
This is cause
For a celebration.
Waiter?
253
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:23,721
A bottle of
Your most average
Champagne.
254
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,398
Oh. How's it
Coming, harry?
255
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,900
Well, I had
A little trouble.
256
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,769
We were trying
To put the support rod
257
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,604
From the uben
258
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,707
Into the flord slot,
259
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,475
But that crisis is past.
260
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,976
Ah. Look at us.
261
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,778
We're doing great.
262
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,281
Everything's
Coming together.
263
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,416
Oh, I'm reading
A great john grisham novel.
264
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:53,918
It's about
A young southern lawyer
265
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,687
Who fights
An evil corporate giant.
266
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,122
Hey, my grisham's
About that, too.
267
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,090
So is my grisham!
268
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,365
Hey, guys.
269
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,633
Whoa.
270
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,638
Who are you?
271
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,407
It's me tommy.
272
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,410
Well, you can't be
Tommy. Tommy looks
Like a girl.
273
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,346
Oh. No.
274
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,413
I went to the megacuts.
275
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,715
Well, if you're tommy,
Answer me this:
276
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,151
Are we, or
Are we not aliens?
277
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,786
Yeah, dick, we are.
278
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,322
Tommy!
279
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,157
Ah, there's
My grisham.
280
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,301
Here we go.
This thing--
281
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,302
Whatever it is--
282
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,637
Has got to go.
283
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,639
Just have them
Haul all this away.
284
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:48,706
Are you sure?
285
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,241
Yes, nina, I'm sure.
286
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,110
It's just that you're
Acting kinda strange.
287
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,277
Me, strange?
288
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,778
I'm textbook normal.
289
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,083
If anyone is strange,
It's you.
290
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,718
You exercise too much,
You drive a stick shift,
291
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,852
You drink root beer.
292
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,020
Oh, and you're black.
293
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,658
What's strange
About being black?
294
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,059
Let's face it, nina,
295
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,261
Most white people
Aren't.
296
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,763
But they want to be.
297
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,133
What's going on?
298
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,267
I'm just getting rid
299
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,768
Of some of these
Kooky knickknacks.
300
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,938
What could I
Have been thinking?
301
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,040
I don't know.
I think it's kind of nice
302
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,909
Having personal touches
Around the office.
303
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,644
I was thinking about getting
One of those big ficuses.
304
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:30,314
Whoa, hold on there,
Courtney love.
305
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,316
The circus is
A fun place to visit,
306
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:33,952
But you don't
Want to live there.
307
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,087
Can I have
Your mr. Potato head?
308
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,889
Sure.
Go ahead.
309
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,023
Weirdo.
310
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,261
Oh, hi, jeff. Thanks
So much for coming.
311
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,530
I suppose
You're wondering
Why we asked you here.
312
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,664
Yes.
313
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,932
Well, is that
Your doormat?
314
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,968
Yeah. So?
315
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,902
Well, it
Doesn't really go
316
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:54,606
With the building's
Decor, now, does it?
317
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,175
What's the difference
What color
My doormat is?
318
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,742
Well, there are
2 approved colors,
319
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:01,613
But we haven't used
Either of those
Now, have we?
320
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,680
No, but
It's just that--
321
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,148
What were
We thinking?
322
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:06,016
Were we thinking,
"Hmm, I know better
323
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:10,021
Than the other
146 tenants"?
324
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,625
Well, I just
Thought it would
Give my place
325
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,726
A little
Personality.
326
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,961
Oh, jeff!
327
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,796
We don't have room
For personality
328
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,364
In this complex.
329
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,733
What we need to do
Is abide by the rules
330
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,304
We've all
Agreed to, right?
331
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,405
Ok. So bye-bye.
332
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:30,441
Bye-bye.
333
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,178
Hi, marjorie.
334
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,046
Come here, sweetie.
335
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,082
Now, it seems
As though we put
336
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:42,120
A little dried flower
Wreath on our door.
337
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,489
What were
We thinking?
338
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,197
So, sally,
339
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,532
Do you like it here?
340
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,066
Oh, I love
Willow glen.
341
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,169
It's like no place
Else on earth.
342
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,370
No...
343
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,874
Except oak bridge,
Willow brook,
And glen brook.
344
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,476
I can't remember
Life before
Willow glen,
345
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:08,146
And I can't imagine
Life after it.
346
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,014
Oh! I almost forgot.
347
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,716
I got you
A housewarming present.
348
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:12,717
[gasps]
349
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,353
Mary, thank you.
350
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,190
Oh, it's wonderful!
What is it?
351
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,559
It's a wind chime.
You put it in the window,
352
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:24,896
And the wind
Rushes through it
And makes a lovely sound.
353
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,399
Sound?
354
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,434
As in "Noise"?
355
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,535
Yeah.
356
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,570
Well, it's
Far too pretty
357
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,739
To take out
Of the box.
358
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,873
I know.
359
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,843
I'll just use it
To store
Under the sink.
360
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,647
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
361
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,082
Jenga!
Jenga!
Jenga!
362
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,985
That was good fun.
363
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,854
Say, who wants
To do something
Completely crazy?
364
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,388
I do!
I'm game!
365
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,924
Mary?
God, yes.
366
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,892
Let's go get
Some frozen yogurt!
367
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,131
Come on, mary!
368
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,565
You won't believe
It's fat-free.
369
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:08,907
Mary?
370
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:09,908
Oh!
371
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,109
Hi, dick.
372
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,144
Well, why
Aren't you working
In the office?
373
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,212
Uh...
374
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,380
I--I thought
I'd save myself the walk.
375
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:17,915
I have another class
Coming in.
376
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,916
What, now?
377
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,453
Uh...In 3 hours.
378
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,555
I had
A really good time
Last night.
379
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,191
It's too bad you had
To leave so suddenly,
380
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,527
But leaving
Both your iron
and your stove on,
381
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,629
I guess that can
Be pretty dangerous.
382
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,766
Take your seats, please!
Just because
I'm a little late
383
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,468
Doesn't mean you shouldn't
Be ready to learn.
384
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,805
Now...
385
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:44,709
Who knows the answer
To question number 4?
386
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,444
Well, who are you?
387
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,380
I'll ask the questions,
Thank you very much.
388
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,616
Oh! You must
Be dr. Neesam.
389
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,150
No. The answer
I'm looking for
390
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,251
Is "Marsupial."
391
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,453
Please concentrate.
392
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,688
Uh, uh,
No, no, no. You
Don't understand.
393
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,723
I'm mary albright.
This is
Dick solomon.
394
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,225
We're both
Professors here.
395
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,661
Well, in that case,
You can't possibly
Take my class.
396
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:04,895
Please leave.
397
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,431
But--but this
Is her room.
398
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,998
Well, then you
Leave me no alternative.
399
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,066
I must leave.
400
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:11,068
auf wiedersehen.
401
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,574
So that's
The university's idea
402
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,976
Of a hotshot professor?
403
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,644
Oh, they say
He's quite brilliant.
404
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,579
Well, I say
He's quite weird.
405
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,314
He certainly doesn't
Fit in around here.
406
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,049
No, no, no, no.
407
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,517
He's too loud,
Too colorful,
408
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,518
Too interesting.
409
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,487
Exactly. Thank you.
410
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,990
Come on, dick,
We could use
411
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,992
A little
Eccentricity
Around here.
412
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,759
I mean, it's getting
A little dull,
413
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,129
Don't you think?
414
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,998
A guy could take that
Personally.
415
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,867
Excuse me. Is this
The ladies' room?
416
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:53,111
Well, I believe
That is it.
417
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,912
As they say
In sweden...
418
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,981
fahrvergnugen.
419
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,518
Hey, dick, what
Are you doing home?
420
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,587
I thought you
Were taking albright
To that new starbucks.
421
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,255
Oh, the one
Down the street
From the old one?
422
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,023
No, the one in between
The 2 kinko's.
423
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,558
Oh. Across from
The barnes & noble?
424
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,793
It doesn't matter
Which starbucks!
425
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,829
She canceled on me.
426
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,597
I don't understand.
Things were going so well.
427
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,832
Why wouldn't she like me?
428
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,667
Yeah. You're
Just like every
Other guy in town.
429
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,470
Yeah. There's absolutely
Nothing remarkable
Or distinctive about you.
430
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,638
And yet she resists.
431
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,206
But you're
Completely
Homogenized!
432
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,341
There's nothing
Not to like!
433
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,409
How much less
Does she want from you?
434
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,212
Well, it is her
Problem, 'cause
We're doing great.
435
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,947
Fantastic.
Couldn't be better.
436
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,949
I'm completely
Miserable.
I hate it here.
437
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,017
Kill me now.
438
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:35,018
Oh, my.
439
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,055
I thought you guys
Liked it here.
440
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,322
We were
Just saying that
441
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,791
'cause
We thought you
Liked it here.
442
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:41,993
I don't like it.
I hate it!
443
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,494
I thought you liked it!
444
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,029
I don't like it!
445
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:47,098
I miss my coat.
I miss my gnome.
446
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,966
Well, hey,
I miss my hair!
447
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,735
There's some
Things you can't
Go back on.
448
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,237
We have to tough
This out. We did it for
The sake of the mission.
449
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:54,939
No! This
Was a mistake!
450
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,774
Becoming more average
Didn't make us
More human!
451
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,076
It made us less!
452
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,910
All my bumps
And quirks.
453
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,815
That's what made me
So delightfully harry.
454
00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:05,283
Pack up, boys.
We're going home!
455
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,051
Going home?! Come on!
456
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:09,953
We just got
This thing together!
457
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,427
I'll be
In the car.
458
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,096
Hey, guys.
459
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,531
What's going on?
460
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,002
Sally, uh...
461
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,904
I've, uh...
462
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:30,675
I've made
A command decision.
463
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:31,843
We're moving back.
464
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,077
Oh.
465
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,478
Is that
What we're doing?
466
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,779
We're not happy,
467
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,815
So we're just going
To break our lease
And move?
468
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:38,916
Yeah.
More or less.
469
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,118
No, dick,
We can't do that.
470
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,521
You see, I'm
In the majority now.
471
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,489
There are
More of us than
There are of you,
472
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:47,658
And that
Makes us right.
473
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,794
I'm a member
Of a community,
474
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,395
A community
That embraces
475
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,498
Wholesome
American values.
476
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,100
And if
You cross us...
477
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:58,902
We will destroy you.
478
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,904
[all gasp]
479
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,674
Now, if
You'll excuse me...
480
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,444
I spotted
A mezuzah on 2-c.
481
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:17,288
And clearly,
The oversize
Door knocker on 6-b
482
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,857
Will set
An unfortunate
Precedent,
483
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,826
So I think
It behooves all of us
484
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,527
To nip this problem
In the bud.
485
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,595
Hear, hear!
Yeah.
That's right.
486
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,297
Great. Ok,
The next order
Of business is--
487
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,534
[tinkling]
488
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,535
What's that noise?
489
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:31,669
Oh, uh...
490
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,071
I put up
Mary's wind chimes.
491
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,406
"Wind chimes"?
492
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,008
Oh, we don't
Do that here.
493
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,709
No, we do not,
Flora.
494
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,179
Dr. Solomon,
Take those down
Right away.
495
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,513
Thank you
Very much.
496
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,514
[motor running]
497
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,448
Ok--
498
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,452
Is that
A leaf blower?
499
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,620
Diesel.
500
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,622
Well, you can't run
A leaf blower here!
501
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,324
Oh, tell me
About it.
[woof woof]
502
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,092
It scared the hell
Out of tommy's dog.
503
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,728
[woof woof woof]
504
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,530
Oh, it's ok, boy.
It's all right.
505
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,298
Let me tell you,
When he gets scared,
506
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,600
He's no friend
Of carpet.
507
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,102
This is unacceptable!
508
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,038
You solomons have
Been horrible tenants!
509
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,341
I call for an emergency
Eviction vote!
510
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,710
I second the motion!
All in favor.
511
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,079
Well, then it's
Unanimous. Bye-bye.
512
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,582
Ok, the next order
Of business would be
The hedge committee--
513
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,583
Sally.
514
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,884
Uh, yes, steve?
515
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,252
You live with them.
516
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,653
Uh-huh.
517
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,356
Oh. Um...Well,
518
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,957
Can I move in
With you?
519
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,125
Nope.
520
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,460
But I'm one
Of you.
521
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,461
No.
522
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,729
You're one of them.
523
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,231
Come on, sally,
It's time.
No.
524
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,498
Oh! Oh!
Come on, dear.
525
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,033
But I don't
Want to go!
526
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,034
Without me,
527
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,003
This place is
Going to be colorful
528
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,304
And--and pretty
W-with little critters
529
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:44,141
And birdies tweeting
All over the place!
530
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,809
You'll regret this!
531
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,215
Becoming average
Was interesting,
532
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,783
But once
We got there,
533
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,385
It wasn't
Interesting at all.
534
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,753
Yeah. I mean,
535
00:20:55,755 --> 00:21:00,090
Those people
Who weren't weird
Were so...Weird.
536
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:03,260
Then I became like them,
Which was really weird.
537
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,662
Well,
Live and learn.
538
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,398
We're back to
Our normal selves.
539
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,233
[clears throat]
540
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:12,136
Except for tommy,
Who has a little cough.
541
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,004
Otherwise,
Everything's
As it should be.
542
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,373
Am I right, fellas?
543
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,940
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
544
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,743
Yeah,
You're right.
545
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:19,744
I'm turning in.
546
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:20,911
Yeah,
Me, too.
547
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,913
Which one of you
Guys is bunking
Down with me?
548
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,148
That would be me.
549
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,616
Well, don't
Hog the blankets
550
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,484
Because I sleep
In the nude.
551
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:28,986
That's
A good idea!
552
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,755
I'm going
To have to
Try that.
553
00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:34,625
You guys want
To crash in my van?
554
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:35,960
Yeah.
Yeah.
555
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,564
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
556
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,770
[buzz]
557
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,607
[buzzing]
558
00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,509
What the hell was that?
559
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:53,843
[buzzing approaching]
560
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,913
Whoooo whoo-hoo-hoo!
561
00:21:56,915 --> 00:21:58,982
Oh, ho ho!
562
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:02,319
Oh, mary, there's
Nothing better than this!
563
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,793
He's baaaack.
40732
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