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1
00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:05,179
- Ahh. Man, I love
our little baby so much.
2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:07,659
- She is the perfect
combination of me and you.
3
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,009
She's got my cherrywood helm
4
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,011
and your 50-gallon
waste capacity.
5
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,491
- [sighs] The only thing
we need to figure out
6
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,319
is who's the captain.
- Oh, that's easy.
7
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:18,670
I'm already a captain.
- [chuckles] No, I'm the chief.
8
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,672
- There's no chiefs
in the nautical world,
9
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,501
only captains,
and I'm a captain.
10
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,025
- Well, not on this boat,
you're not.
11
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,678
- Hey, guys.
12
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,419
- Mickleberry,
who's the captain on this boat?
13
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:29,986
- You are, Captain.
- Thank you.
14
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,379
- [grumbles]
15
00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:32,641
- Here's your
morning milk, Chief.
16
00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:35,470
- Thank you, Mickleberry.
Ah, okay.
17
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:36,558
Ha. Cheers.
18
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:40,475
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
19
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,825
Ahh.
Delicious.
20
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,305
Get one for yourself,
Mickleberry.
21
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,523
- No, thanks.
I don't like milk.
22
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:46,959
- Ooh.
23
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:48,526
- Mickleberry,
I do not like a man
24
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:49,919
who does not drink milk.
25
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:51,660
It develops strong teeth
and bones.
26
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:54,054
- I'll try harder, Chief.
- That'll be all, Mickleberry.
27
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,926
- Aye, aye, Captain.
- Ooh, "Aye, aye, Captain."
28
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:58,406
I like that.
- It's silly.
29
00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,842
I'm so much more nautical
than you.
30
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,583
- Bullshit.
31
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,193
- You think you have more
nautical knowledge than me?
32
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,586
- How about knot tying?
33
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:05,761
- I would crush you
at knot tying.
34
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,371
- Fine.
Knot for knot.
35
00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,330
Okay, let's do it.
Your funeral.
36
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:10,896
Bowline.
- Bowline.
37
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,029
Give me a break over here
with the bowline.
38
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,031
- It's an easy one.
- Huh?
39
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,902
[laughs]
- "Knot" bad.
40
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:18,861
- French bowline.
- French bowline?
41
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:21,385
Okay, I learned how to tie this
when I was a child.
42
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,474
Voilà.
- That was an easy one.
43
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:26,086
- Carrick bend.
- Oh, carrick bend. Really?
44
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,826
- I'm giving you
entry-level knots.
45
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,698
- Carrick bend.
[laughs]
46
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,569
Huh?
[chuckles] All right.
47
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:32,962
Jury mast knot.
48
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,529
- I could do this one
in my sleep.
49
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:37,271
Matter of fact...
[snores]
50
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,142
Jury mast knot.
51
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:40,709
Sheepshank.
- Huh?
52
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,624
[laughs]
Halyard.
53
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,147
- Halyard.
54
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,410
Double constrictor knot.
- [chuckles]
55
00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,151
What's a double
constrictor knot?
56
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,761
- It's the one
I tied around your feet
57
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:51,502
while you weren't looking.
58
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:54,592
- What the hell--
Eddie, how'd you do that?
59
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,159
- It's a great knot.
60
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,595
The more you struggle,
the tighter it gets.
61
00:01:57,639 --> 00:02:00,250
- Okay, all right,
let me out of this.
62
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,644
- I'm the captain now.
[laughs]
63
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:05,908
Hey, swabbie, stow these ropes.
This boat is a disaster area.
64
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,606
- Eddie, Eddie, come back here!
65
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,957
It's getting tighter!
Eddie!
66
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,785
Is this one
of your crazy sex knots?
67
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,178
Eddie!
68
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:18,181
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
69
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:23,708
♪ ♪
70
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,320
- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
71
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,931
♪ Check it and see ♪
72
00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:32,630
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
73
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:35,590
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
74
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,464
- Okay, everyone, it's one
of those times of the year
75
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,423
where we get
to do something special,
76
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:44,686
the annual Tacoma FD
blood drive.
77
00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,601
- All right, yeah!
- Yeah!
78
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,169
- As always, we've partnered
with Tacoma Memorial Hospital.
79
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,648
We'll do our outreach
to the public,
80
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,476
and, of course,
we'll all donate blood.
81
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,435
- I don't like giving blood.
- Why not?
82
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,827
- I have hard-to-find veins.
83
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,351
The nurses can never find them,
84
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,353
so they dig around in there,
and it's painful.
85
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,442
- Don't worry, kid.
I'm a licensed phlebotomist.
86
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,357
- Gesundheit.
[chuckles]
87
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,749
- Hey, you're donating, okay?
88
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,186
Everyone's blood is important,
89
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,188
even if it's not
as sweet as mine.
90
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,451
O-negative, kid,
the universal donor--
91
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,800
I can save anyone's live.
92
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,323
- Well, I'm AB-positive,
93
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,238
which means
I'm the universal receiver,
94
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,197
which means I can take it
from anyone.
95
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,546
- [laughs]
96
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:20,025
- I'm the most uplifting
blood type,
97
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,853
B-positive.
Get it?
98
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,378
- Yeah. Okay, anyway,
we're gonna get the word out
99
00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,031
to as many people
as we possibly can,
100
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,990
and, of course, this year,
we will also be shooting
101
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:31,080
our traditional promo video.
- Ooh, I love that one.
102
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,647
- Before we go--
[chuckles] Excuse me--
103
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,431
I have one last announcement
to make.
104
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:35,780
- Why are you pushing me
out of the way?
105
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,521
- It's my podium.
[clears throat]
106
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:40,350
uh, for this year's blood
drive, we will be teaming up
107
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:42,222
with the
Tacoma Police Department.
108
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:44,006
- What?
- Chief, no, why?
109
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:45,573
- That's a horrible idea.
110
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,227
- We're calling it
Badge Buddies.
111
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,054
- Hold on, hold on a second.
- See that? Huh?
112
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:51,666
- Chief, Chief, Chief, the
blood drive is my event, okay?
113
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,058
We're not doing it
with the police.
114
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,625
Right, guys?
- It's our thing.
115
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,932
- Yeah.
- We hate those guys.
116
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,326
- Listen, I've already pitched
Tacoma Memorial,
117
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,110
and they love the idea.
118
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,199
First responders banding
together for a good cause, huh?
119
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,896
[chuckles] Come on.
120
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,681
I know we're supposed
to hate the cops,
121
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:09,553
but, listen, if we combine
their social-media outreach
122
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,773
with the natural love
people have for firefighters,
123
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,688
it's really gonna move
the needle.
124
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,646
[laughs]
- "Move the needle."
125
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:16,952
- Huh? Huh?
126
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,388
He gets me.
This kid gets me.
127
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,389
- Yeah.
- Right?
128
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,738
- Good for you, kid.
129
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,697
Listen,
let's not let bad blood
130
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,177
get in the way of collecting
good blood, okay?
131
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,962
Carry on.
132
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,268
- You got to stop this, man.
133
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,921
- The only reason
he's doing this
134
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:31,749
is 'cause of his new friendship
with Polonsky.
135
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,360
- I know--
look, I've always said,
136
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,013
there's no reason
to make new friends after 40.
137
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,667
Nothing good comes from it,
138
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,931
but the most important thing
is the blood drive,
139
00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,890
and if this brings
more people to it,
140
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,674
that's a good thing, okay?
141
00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:46,155
So let's be positive.
- Which is the best blood type.
142
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,896
- [chuckles]
Nah.
143
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,941
They dump that shit
down the drain, probie.
144
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,770
Okay, everyone,
get back to work.
145
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,947
[laughing evilly]
146
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:59,386
[imitating Dracula]
I have come to suck your blood.
147
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,475
[laughs evilly]
148
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,738
- That's okay, Dracula,
as long as you come
149
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:07,481
to the Tacoma FD and PD
blood drive.
150
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,091
- That's right.
151
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,267
This year's theme
is Badge Buddies.
152
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,921
Hi, I'm Jerry.
- I'm Terry.
153
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,531
- And I am scary.
154
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,620
[laughs evilly]
- That doesn't rhyme at all.
155
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:17,752
- [normal voice]
What? Of course it rhymes.
156
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:18,753
- Not at all.
- Yeah--
157
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,102
- Cut.
- Hey, no.
158
00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,538
Mickleberry,
don't you dare cut.
159
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,671
Only I call cut.
And now cut.
160
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,499
- And cut.
161
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,327
- What do you mean
doesn't rhyme?
162
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,329
- "Erry" and "ary" are two
completely different sounds.
163
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,895
- Yeah, combined
with your accent,
164
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:32,593
it kind of hits my ear funny.
165
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,029
- I'm also wondering
what you're even doing here.
166
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:35,726
Should you even be
in this scene?
167
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,598
- Guy, we've been doing
the Dracula bit for years,
168
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,513
and it kills.
- The theme is Badge Buddies.
169
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,428
Terry has a badge,
Jerry has a badge,
170
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:43,212
Dracula, no badge.
171
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,214
And I'm wondering why Dracula's
even out during daytime.
172
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,781
- Who says it's daytime?
173
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,391
- Because I wear sweatpants
at night.
174
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,741
- [gasps] Hey, I wear
sweatpants at night, too.
175
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,874
We have so much in common.
[imitating Dracula] It's scary.
176
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,658
[laughs]
You know what?
177
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,573
Now that I hear it,
"scary" does not rhyme
178
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,140
with Terry or Jerry.
- Yes, it does.
179
00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,881
It's a slant rhyme.
- Mm...
180
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:02,710
- I say we 86 Eddie Munster.
181
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,059
- [laughing]
Eddie Munster.
182
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,713
- I say we 86 the redhead.
183
00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:07,802
Their kind
can't donate blood anyway.
184
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,325
They're all anemic.
185
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,674
- You know what?
Jerry's right.
186
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,023
We should just stick
to the guys
187
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,547
who are in charge
of their stations.
188
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,939
You want to go collab?
- I think we should.
189
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,854
- Stand by, Mickleberry.
We'll be back.
190
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
- Do you have a room
that only fits two people?
191
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:19,422
- Yeah, yeah, my office.
192
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,902
Come on.
- Perfect.
193
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,860
- Cap, I admire
how self-assured you are.
194
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:25,776
Must be tough seeing Polonsky
moving in on your best friend.
195
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,517
Nobody should be making friends
after 40.
196
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,519
- Yeah, I need to do something
about that.
197
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,303
- You need to be
a psycho bitch.
198
00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:34,219
- Ooh, good idea, Mickleberry.
199
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,439
I'm gonna break up
that friendship.
200
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:39,486
[laughing evilly]
- Cap, where'd you go?
201
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:40,487
Cap?
202
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:43,925
[upbeat rock music]
203
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,970
- Morning, dipshits.
204
00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:48,843
[door closes]
Your saviors have arrived.
205
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,714
Uh, apparently
you guys are too stupid
206
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,194
to do a blood drive
on your own?
207
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,456
- Dude, the only reason
you're here
208
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,153
is 'cause people
don't like cops
209
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,894
and you need our reputation
to pad your numbers.
210
00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,462
- What do you call this setup,
by the way, town dump?
211
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,943
'Cause it, uh, sure looks like
you took a big, fat one.
212
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,858
- If you don't like it,
you can leave.
213
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,077
- Lucy, please...
214
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,863
don't make this any more
complicated than it already is,
215
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,387
given the history
of our romantic relationship.
216
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,345
- The only reason
we got engaged
217
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:14,956
is because
you lost your mind on edibles
218
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:16,566
and I had to talk you down.
219
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:20,091
- You took a big, fat,
hard piss on my heart.
220
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:21,353
- [laughs]
You pissed on him?
221
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,225
- Oh, is that funny?
222
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,183
Ever had your heart broken,
Crystal?
223
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:26,620
- I just thought we were all,
like, having fun
224
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,056
and she was telling a joke.
225
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,536
I didn't know
that you were not joking.
226
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,189
- I wouldn't wish it
upon my worst enemy,
227
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,670
and make no mistake--
you are my worst enemy.
228
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,890
- And now
we're gonna piss on you
229
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,153
during this blood drive.
- That's gross.
230
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,721
- We'll collect
way more blood, bitches.
231
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,810
- Yeah, right.
You want to bet?
232
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,246
- Let's go.
- Whoa, whoa.
233
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,856
Chief said keep it friendly.
- Yeah.
234
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,728
Yeah, I'm being friendly.
I'm talking about a bet.
235
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,773
Just a straight-up bet.
- As in no competition.
236
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,514
- Not a competition, Granny,
a bet.
237
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,342
- What's the point of doing
a blood drive together
238
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:54,952
if it's not a competition?
239
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,606
- To maybe donate
a lot of blood.
240
00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,260
- Besides that, fool?
241
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,480
- How about whoever
collects the most blood
242
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,307
wins $100.
- Oh.
243
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,048
- [chuckles]
244
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,789
Why don't we make it 200?
- Yeah.
245
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,356
- Let's put some real skin
in the game.
246
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,445
- You had me at skin.
- Losing team...
247
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,968
- Marries you?
248
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,927
- Has to get
the winning team's insignia
249
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,842
tattooed on their back.
250
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:17,018
- A real tattoo?
- Yeah, no, real tattoo.
251
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:18,976
- No problem at all.
- Let's go.
252
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,412
I don't give a shit.
253
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:21,805
I'll get a tattoo
of a dick on my chest.
254
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:23,241
- I'll get a chest tattoo
on my dick.
255
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,286
- Okay, fine.
256
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,896
Whoever has the most blood
257
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,595
by 6:00 p.m. close of business
is the winner.
258
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,248
- It's on.
- Huh.
259
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,641
- [chuckles]
- Boom.
260
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:32,990
- Yeah, boom.
- Boom.
261
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,078
- Boom.
- Oh.
262
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,607
- It's looking really good.
263
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,217
Mm.
- Ooh!
264
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,959
- 'Cause this is way more
than a recovery area.
265
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,178
This is the chill zone.
266
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:49,833
- Chill zone!
- Oh, whatever.
267
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:52,880
- This right here is where
we're getting all the blood.
268
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:56,361
- We'll see about that.
- Fresh-baked cookies.
269
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,711
- Nice.
270
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:58,842
- That's what
I'm talking about.
271
00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,061
- Oh, yeah.
272
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,976
That ought to clinch it.
[laughs]
273
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:06,197
Except we also
have fresh cookies.
274
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,764
- Yeah, did you get 'em
from the gas station?
275
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,418
- Got 'em at the dollar store.
276
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,159
- Fresh steaks
hot off the grill
277
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,987
for those looking to replenish
their red blood cells.
278
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,989
- Okay, you know what?
This is bullshit.
279
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,165
You have home field advantage.
- You're bullshit.
280
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,949
- Wait, what'd you say?
Say it to my face.
281
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,342
- He said, "You're bullshit."
282
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:21,691
- [gasps]
- You're bullshit.
283
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,388
I bet your steaks
aren't even organic.
284
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:24,476
- Bullshit!
- That's bullshit!
285
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,087
- You're bullshit!
286
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,132
- It's nice to see
once-bitter rivals team up
287
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,786
for a good cause.
- Yeah.
288
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:31,309
Reminds me
of that YouTube video
289
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,833
with the cat breastfeeding
the orphan puppy.
290
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,661
That one made me cry.
- Aw. Me too, teared up.
291
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:36,314
- [laughs]
Right?
292
00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:37,881
- You people ready to do this?
Let's go.
293
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,928
[all cheering]
- All right, Captain, hit it.
294
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,930
♪ ♪
295
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:45,280
Ooh, look at this, huh?
Good turnout, guys.
296
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,499
- Oh, yeah.
297
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,459
- [chuckles] We got this
in the bag--trust me.
298
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,113
We've rescued
half these people.
299
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,028
- Morning, folks.
300
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,769
If you're here to donate for
the police, go to your left.
301
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,292
If you're here to donate
to the firefighters,
302
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,163
go to your right.
[laughs]
303
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:02,123
Oh, and be sure to check out
the firefighter chill zone.
304
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,821
It's where you want to be.
- Chill zone!
305
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:09,347
♪ ♪
306
00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,045
What the hell?
- Huh?
307
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,655
- Oh, you know
what it might be?
308
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,831
That speed trap
around the corner I set up.
309
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,442
In the spirit of saving lives,
I told everybody
310
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,923
I wouldn't give 'em tickets
if they bled for the blue.
311
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,838
- You're repulsive.
- Oh, please.
312
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,710
We do so much worse.
313
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,276
- Hey, that's
a pretty good-looking boat
314
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,843
you got out there.
- Oh, thank you very much.
315
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,192
Hey, you should come fishing
316
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:29,672
with me and Eddie
when we launch it.
317
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,065
- I would love
to go fishing with you.
318
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:32,457
- Does this friendship
piss you off?
319
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,285
- Yeah, no one over 40
320
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,331
should be making new friends.
- That's what I said.
321
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,854
- You know what?
To pay you back,
322
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,682
why don't you come
to an MLS game with me?
323
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,292
- Major League Soccer?
- Minor league soccer.
324
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,468
Tacoma Terriers.
I got season tickets.
325
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,427
- There's no way Terry goes.
He hates soccer.
326
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,342
- I love soccer.
- How could you not?
327
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,387
It's the world sport.
- Come look at my boat.
328
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,607
- Yeah, let's check it out.
- Okay.
329
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,914
I need that relationship over.
- I'm with you.
330
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:57,569
- You and me as a team?
- One time only.
331
00:10:57,613 --> 00:11:00,181
- Secret bedfellows.
332
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:01,661
I'm so sorry.
333
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:04,664
I hope that
wasn't inappropriate.
334
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,056
- Not at all.
335
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:09,364
[upbeat rock music]
336
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,279
- [sighs]
- That was weird.
337
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:12,933
- You're telling me.
338
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:15,849
So what's the plan
to break up our bosses?
339
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,242
- That's easy--
"sabatage."
340
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,809
- Are you trying
to say sabotage?
341
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:21,855
- No, I don't say sabotage.
You say sabotage.
342
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,118
I say "sabatage."
343
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,989
- Well, it's
completely made up,
344
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:27,425
like the orgasm I faked.
345
00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:28,905
- Eh, that's your business.
346
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,994
Let's trade intel
on our bosses' weaknesses
347
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,474
and use it against 'em.
348
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,910
It's the type of stratagem
I'd garner
349
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,782
from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War"
350
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,609
if I had the discipline
to read it.
351
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,829
- Okay.
So what's your dirt?
352
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,309
- Terry's only got
one testicle.
353
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,789
- So do you.
354
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,181
- That's true,
but this isn't about me.
355
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,966
- Jerry's parents are cousins.
356
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,838
- Terry's got
an abnormally long ass crack.
357
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,884
- Jerry's parents aren't
cousins--they're siblings.
358
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,712
- Mm, None of these things
will break 'em up.
359
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,583
We need something better.
[sighs]
360
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:57,412
- Jerry hates milk.
- I'm listening.
361
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,240
- And he doesn't like boats.
362
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,590
- Okay, I can work
with these things.
363
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,984
- What are you guys doing
in my bed?
364
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,376
- We're napping.
365
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,291
We got tired
from donating blood.
366
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:09,511
Have you donated blood yet?
- I have hard-to-find veins.
367
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,165
- Go give blood, Mickleberry.
- Yes, sir.
368
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:15,299
♪ ♪
369
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,084
- Ooh. [chuckles]
- Wow.
370
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,782
That was scary and exciting.
- I know.
371
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:23,394
My heart's racing.
- Yeah. Yeah.
372
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,093
- Should we, uh...
- Yes.
373
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,095
Now!
- Okay.
374
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,357
- Right now!
375
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,534
♪ ♪
376
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,231
- Oh, sir, when you donate
377
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,972
in the name
of the fire department,
378
00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:37,844
you receive
a free car-seat inspection
379
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,193
and a smoke detector.
380
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,848
- Everyone's got
a smoke detector,
381
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:45,112
but what everybody doesn't have
is a license-plate frame
382
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:47,375
that prevents cops
from pulling you over.
383
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,594
Yeah, you know which way
you got to go, pal.
384
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,901
[chuckles]
385
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,294
- You're a foul human being.
386
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,992
- Oh, please.
We do so much worse.
387
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,951
[laughter]
388
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,301
- This is great.
- Hey, fellas.
389
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:02,216
Anyone in the mood
for some nice cold milk?
390
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,566
- Ooh, always. Thank you.
[chuckles]
391
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:08,222
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
392
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:10,180
Ahh.
Delicious.
393
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,095
Jerry.
- No, thanks.
394
00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:15,446
- Why not?
- Oh, I'm lactose intolerant.
395
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:18,798
I used to love it as a kid,
but I don't drink it anymore.
396
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,408
- [breathes deeply]
397
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,236
You know what?
That's okay. Huh?
398
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:24,368
We'll get through it together.
Oh, you know what?
399
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,327
Why don't you get him
a glass of oat milk?
400
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,982
You like oat milk?
- Uh, never had it, but sure.
401
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,940
I'd love to try some.
- Three glasses of oat milk.
402
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,463
Get one for yourself.
- Ha ha.
403
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:35,031
- Mm-hmm.
- [chuckles]
404
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,641
Hey, you want to see
my boat again?
405
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,165
- I would love to.
- Let's do it.
406
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,862
- All right, relax,
squeeze the ball.
407
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:40,907
- I'm scared.
I changed my mind.
408
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,517
- No, no, no, no, no.
409
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,606
Man, it's okay, all right?
I'm a pro.
410
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,347
- I'm telling you,
they can never find my veins.
411
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,044
- I used to do this
in the shit.
412
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,785
Okay?
- You know what--
413
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,874
- Hey, listen, man,
we all made a bet, all right?
414
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,658
Look at me.
You got to do your part, too.
415
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,878
- You made the bet!
- We all made the bet!
416
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,445
- Ah!
- Relax, bro.
417
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,100
Look, he's done this in--
- You missed it!
418
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,493
- It's okay, it's fine.
- There's no blood!
419
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,931
- It's okay, it's okay.
All I have to do is nick it.
420
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:07,542
- [groans] I thought
you were licensed to do this.
421
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,936
[groaning]
422
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,546
- Oh, you know
what the problem is?
423
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,330
I'm so used to explosions
and gunfire going off
424
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:16,594
around me while I do this,
so it's just a mental thing.
425
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,509
- [imitating gunfire]
Granny, look out!
426
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:19,859
It's a sniper!
427
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:22,078
[imitating gunfire]
- That's not it!
428
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,254
- I got it! I got it!
- [screams]
429
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:26,082
- See, you're fine.
430
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,302
- I am not getting
another tattoo.
431
00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:30,304
Bleed his ass dry.
432
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,306
- I'm gonna have to work you
a little more, okay?
433
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:35,265
- [screaming]
434
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,527
- Sweet dreams, buddy.
435
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,313
- Ah, what up, cookies?
436
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,097
Don't you look "noice"?
437
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,273
Hmm.
438
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,493
[sniffing]
439
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,147
Ahh.
440
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:49,149
- Hey, guys, just baked
some fresh cookies
441
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,846
for the chill zone.
442
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,936
- Well, apparently you hate
being on a boat with me.
443
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,069
- What are you talking about?
444
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,897
Terry is a nightmare
on a boat.
445
00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,334
He's got balance.
He gets seasick.
446
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857
He can't drive it.
447
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,120
In short,
he sucks on the ocean.
448
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:05,905
That was taken out of context.
449
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:08,559
McConky's boat personality
is a hideous mix
450
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,561
of arrogance and stupidity.
451
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:11,911
That's the whole quote, yes.
452
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,651
- If you hate
being on a boat with me,
453
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,001
maybe you should sell
your half.
454
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,480
- I bet you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
455
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:17,917
- Maybe you should sell it
to Polonsky.
456
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,788
- Maybe I will.
- You know, Eddie,
457
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:22,747
real friends--they don't
break each other down.
458
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,359
They prop each other up.
Right, Jerry?
459
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,143
- Right, Terry.
460
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,929
I will prop you up.
461
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,539
Ha!
- [snickers]
462
00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:33,758
- We played you, Penisi.
463
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:36,370
Apparently you've never read
"The Art of War."
464
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:37,937
- Shit, it's right there
465
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,547
on my nightstand
under "Owen Meany."
466
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,549
- Those look delicious.
467
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,246
- They should.
I baked them myself.
468
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,379
- Then fuck you.
[cookie thuds]
469
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:48,904
Bye-by-e-e-e.
470
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,647
- That was said in confidence.
Why would you "sabatage" me?
471
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:54,823
- Because I have a bet to win.
472
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:58,479
I'm sowing the seeds
of discontent.
473
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,611
[laughs]
474
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,223
- Oh.
- Oh...
475
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,094
- Round three?
476
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:09,098
- Sorry, I only did
the first two for the TPD.
477
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,970
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
478
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,754
- Am I losing my touch?
479
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:14,582
[groans softly]
480
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,106
[upbeat rock music]
481
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,934
Mmm, that's delicious.
482
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,937
[sneaky music]
483
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:28,639
♪ ♪
484
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,817
- All right, firefighters...
485
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,516
Yeah.
[chuckles]
486
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,344
Ooh.
487
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:41,261
[chuckling]
488
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:44,046
- You got it?
- [chuckles] Oink, oink.
489
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,656
[both laugh]
490
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,354
You believe it?
- No!
491
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,573
- Whoa! What the hell is this?
What are you doing?
492
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:50,835
- What?
What are you talking about?
493
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,446
What are you doing?
494
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,491
- You filled the donor bags
with pig blood?
495
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:56,406
- Prove it.
- What's the matter with you?
496
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,887
- The pigs were already dead!
- You're despicable.
497
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,455
- Oh, come on, give me a break.
498
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:03,892
We do so much worse.
- Yeah.
499
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:06,025
- Actually, this might be
the worst thing
500
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,939
we've ever done.
- Give me the bags.
501
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:10,377
- How about I kick
your freakin' ass first?
502
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,248
[Salazar gasps]
- You're gonna kick my ass?
503
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,903
- Yeah.
- I will murder you, bro.
504
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,905
- [laughs] This guy.
- Yeah.
505
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,516
- [screams]
- Awesome.
506
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,692
[Salazar screams]
507
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:25,479
- [groaning]
508
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,176
- Stay down, Polonsky.
509
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,570
- You're so lucky.
510
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,833
I was about to kick
your freakin' ass.
511
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,617
- What the hell's going on
in here?
512
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:37,056
- Oh, uh, no. [chuckles]
He started it, Chief.
513
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,535
- He's bleeding.
514
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,276
- Oh, no, that's--
that's pig's blood.
515
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,061
- I told you, we do not call
police officers pigs.
516
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,714
- No, it's pig's blood.
517
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,238
- I heard the slur
the first time, young lady.
518
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:48,241
- No, this is pig's blood.
519
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,069
- Enough with
the self-loathing, Junior!
520
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:51,592
Look, I know you don't want
to be a cop,
521
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,594
but I will not stand
for that kind of talk!
522
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:57,076
Coño!
It's fucking pig's blood!
523
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,426
all: Oh.
- Hmm.
524
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:01,471
- What the hell are you doing
with pig's blood?
525
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,343
- It doesn't matter!
526
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,345
I said we should all be
friendly, like me and Polonsky!
527
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,390
We can all be friends!
- Hey, you guys, it's 6:00.
528
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,957
The contest is over.
- What contest?
529
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,264
- Oops.
- I said no contests.
530
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,613
- Sorry, Chief.
531
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,267
Why is that pig
covered in blood?
532
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,486
[laughter]
533
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,057
- Mickleberry,
you look like a ghost.
534
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,973
- [mumbling] They made me
give blood six times.
535
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:26,366
- You like nursery rhymes?
536
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,542
- They made me give blood
six times.
537
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,283
- You gave blood
six times, right?
538
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,372
Yeah, he gave blood six times.
Yeah, you did, pal.
539
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,896
You got your six stickers.
Isn't that right?
540
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,985
- Have some of the cookie.
It'll make you feel better.
541
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:40,249
- [grunting weakly]
- This can't be right.
542
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,512
Uh, okay, everybody,
543
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,253
we've totaled
all the donations,
544
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,690
and, believe it or not,
it's a tie.
545
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,170
- Bullshit!
- What?
546
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,519
- It is a tie.
547
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,042
- Oh, nobody's
asking you, Nurse.
548
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,566
- Hey, cool it.
- Okay, you know what?
549
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,655
I'm glad it's a tie,
because donating blood
550
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,047
should not be a contest.
551
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,093
- It is a contest,
and guess what--
552
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,095
you freakin' lost.
- We checked it twice.
553
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,098
The TFD came back thanks
to the heroic sacrifice
554
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,839
made by Mickleberry.
555
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,623
- You did good, Mick.
- Of which I don't approve.
556
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,582
- So the whole contest
ended up in a tie.
557
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,323
Kind of anticlimactic,
isn't it?
558
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,890
- Hey, have
Jerry and Terry donated?
559
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,284
- Well, not yet, no.
- Nope, not yet.
560
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,330
- I say whoever donates
more blood
561
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,375
between you two
is the tiebreaker.
562
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,595
- Oh, let's do that, Chief.
- Yes.
563
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:24,032
- Listen, that sounds
like a fun idea,
564
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:25,990
but we're only allowed
to donate one pint each,
565
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,862
and then
it would still be a tie.
566
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,691
- Yeah, except his pint
would be way bigger than yours.
567
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,083
- Not how pints work.
568
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,824
- Of course,
if we weren't limited
569
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,391
to just one pint,
Terry would win.
570
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:36,610
- Okay, I don't know
if that's true.
571
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:38,046
- You know what?
572
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,787
I would love to see
a certain someone
573
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,920
get a Tacoma Police Department
tattoo on their back.
574
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,053
- And I would love
to see Junior
575
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:48,317
with a TFD tattoo on him.
[laughter]
576
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:51,015
- I can't let you do this.
- What are you gonna do, Nurse?
577
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,409
Call the cops?
[laughter]
578
00:19:53,453 --> 00:19:55,542
- Assholes!
Ugh!
579
00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:57,196
- All right, Granny,
you're in charge.
580
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,459
Let's do this. Here we go.
- You got this, Captain.
581
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,809
Come on, go, go, go, go!
[scattered cheers]
582
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,854
- Hey, this is a great test
of our friendship--
583
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,334
our first bet.
- It sure is.
584
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:06,640
No hard feelings
when it's over.
585
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,163
- No hard feelings.
- Good.
586
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,991
'Cause I feel full of blood.
587
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,558
- Well, what do you say
we up the bet
588
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,081
to include the two of us, then?
- Sure.
589
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:15,910
I mean, after all,
redhead blood is thin.
590
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,129
[laughter]
591
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:19,783
I'm just--I'm just kidding.
592
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,742
- Oh, well, yours is full
of cholesterol.
593
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,787
[laughter]
594
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,354
- Easy now, easy now.
595
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,877
We're going to the fat jokes
already, huh?
596
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,444
- Hey, you did
the redhead joke.
597
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,055
You drew first blood.
- It's not really a joke.
598
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:33,188
Look at the bag.
Looks like pink lemonade.
599
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,146
- Like fruit punch.
[laughter]
600
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,887
- Well, yours looks like
full-on gravy.
601
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,237
all: Oh.
- Fine.
602
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,369
I guess blood is thicker
than friendship.
603
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:43,372
- Oh, uh, hey, you guys
are both at two pints each.
604
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,374
- That's all right, Granny,
keep going.
605
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:47,376
- Ooh-whee!
- Oh, boy.
606
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,899
- Chief, you sure?
607
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,553
You really shouldn't go
past two pints.
608
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,251
- No problem--
I got a reserve pool of blood
609
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,165
in my ankles.
- Be careful, Chief.
610
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:55,906
I can't feel my arms,
611
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,039
and my mouth
tastes like pennies.
612
00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:00,128
- Bag me, Junior.
- You got it, Pops.
613
00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:01,912
- Game on.
- Yeah.
614
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,827
[laughter]
- Whew.
615
00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,220
- You sure you don't want
to concede?
616
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,526
- You should concede.
617
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,092
You're gonna have
a heart attack.
618
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:09,746
- Hey, soccer sucks.
619
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:11,270
- Oh!
- Oh!
620
00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:13,881
- Boating's for assholes.
- Oh!
621
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,926
- And the only reason
I became friends with you
622
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,928
was to get under Penisi's skin.
623
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,017
- The only reason
I became friends with you
624
00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,150
was 'cause I thought it'd be
good PR for the station!
625
00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:25,022
- Ooh-ooh-ooh.
- Eddie, squeeze my ankles.
626
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:27,329
- You got it, Chiefy.
- You mean your cankles.
627
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,809
- Ooh!
- Whoa!
628
00:21:28,852 --> 00:21:31,246
- It's working!
- Holy shit.
629
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,856
- Oh, it's coming.
630
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:34,902
- Come on, Dad!
Come on!
631
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:37,034
- Granny, bag me!
- Dad, I think we're done.
632
00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:39,602
- No, we're not getting
police tattoos today.
633
00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:40,995
Bag me!
634
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:42,736
- [sighs]
- Yeah, bag him!
635
00:21:42,779 --> 00:21:44,303
- You want to know
why I'm so strong?
636
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:45,739
- Tell him, Chief.
- Milk.
637
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:48,307
Milk promotes strong teeth
and bones
638
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:49,786
and blood.
639
00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:52,180
- Milk is for kids.
- Milk's for kids.
640
00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:53,790
[laughter]
641
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:56,227
Dad?
- I'm so cold.
642
00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:58,142
[groans]
both: He's out.
643
00:21:58,186 --> 00:22:01,276
- We're losing him.
- Dad, you loser! Wake up!
644
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,147
- This kid
just kicked your ass.
645
00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:05,106
- Oh!
- Yeah!
646
00:22:05,149 --> 00:22:07,456
Go, Dad.
- [gasps] Junior!
647
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,111
I never loved you.
[sighs]
648
00:22:10,154 --> 00:22:12,766
- [groans softly]
- Oh, oh, oh, hey, hey.
649
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:15,290
Don't worry--I got you, Chiefy,
650
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:18,467
because real friends
prop each other up.
651
00:22:18,511 --> 00:22:20,469
- Eddie, I'm sorry.
652
00:22:20,513 --> 00:22:22,776
I shouldn't have made friends
with Polonsky--that was stupid.
653
00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:25,779
- And I'm sorry I tried
to "sabatage" your friendship.
654
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:27,346
- It's sabotage.
- That's what I'm saying.
655
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,043
"Sabatage."
- It's like sabotage.
656
00:22:29,086 --> 00:22:30,479
It's like Taj Mahal.
657
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:33,003
- "Taje" Mahal.
- It's like Nicki Minaj.
658
00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:34,701
- Nicki "Minage."
- Never mind.
659
00:22:34,744 --> 00:22:36,746
I don't have time
to make new friends, Eddie.
660
00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:38,618
- No one over 40 does.
661
00:22:38,661 --> 00:22:40,663
- [chuckles]
Yeah.
662
00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:43,187
No one over 40
should make new friends.
663
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:46,234
- That's what I said.
That's what I said.
664
00:22:46,277 --> 00:22:49,237
[laughter]
665
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,673
- You said it.
666
00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:53,763
[laughter continues]
667
00:22:59,334 --> 00:23:01,249
- Ah, man,
this is awesome, Cap.
668
00:23:01,292 --> 00:23:03,033
When are we gonna get this baby
in the water, huh?
669
00:23:03,077 --> 00:23:05,122
- Yeah, Cap, we need
an A-shift fishing trip.
670
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,168
- I love how everyone
calls me Cap.
671
00:23:07,211 --> 00:23:08,648
- Well, that's 'cause
you're the captain.
672
00:23:08,691 --> 00:23:10,432
- I am the captain.
Thank you, Lucy.
673
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:12,347
She knows.
- That's okay, little buddy.
674
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:13,827
You guys can
just call me Skipper.
675
00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:16,438
- Okay, Skipper.
[laughter]
676
00:23:16,482 --> 00:23:18,875
- Bad news, gang.
- What?
677
00:23:18,919 --> 00:23:20,137
- Turns out
we didn't win the bet.
678
00:23:20,181 --> 00:23:21,487
- What?
How's that possible?
679
00:23:21,530 --> 00:23:22,879
- Got the results right here.
680
00:23:22,923 --> 00:23:24,315
There was an issue
with the blood.
681
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,274
- Thanks a lot, Eddie.
You messed it up.
682
00:23:26,317 --> 00:23:28,755
- Wha--Hey!
I didn't do anything, Skipper.
683
00:23:28,798 --> 00:23:30,409
- It says here
that one of the donations
684
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:33,455
from this TFD crew
was disqualified by the lab,
685
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:35,588
which puts us
a pint behind the cops.
686
00:23:35,631 --> 00:23:38,068
- Ha ha. Well, at least they
already got their tattoos.
687
00:23:38,112 --> 00:23:39,243
- What was wrong
with the blood?
688
00:23:39,287 --> 00:23:40,419
- Was it steroids?
- Nope.
689
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,029
- Xanies?
- Nope.
690
00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:43,900
- Prototype for the male pill?
- Nah.
691
00:23:43,944 --> 00:23:46,120
- Extra-strength Cholestofix?
- Nope.
692
00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:49,253
According to this,
one of us...
693
00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:52,039
is pregnant.
694
00:23:52,082 --> 00:23:54,171
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.
695
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:56,260
- Oh, shit.
696
00:23:56,304 --> 00:23:58,045
Wait, who?
697
00:23:58,088 --> 00:23:59,220
Oh, sorry.
698
00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:02,266
- Um, congratulations.
699
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:04,312
Oh.
- [huffs angrily]
700
00:24:04,355 --> 00:24:07,010
- [chuckles awkwardly]
51102
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