Original subtitles

[laughter]

- It was a good battle.

- Aye, it was. - Aye.

- Mmm, this stew is great.

I love it. - Aye.

It warms your belly. - Aye.

Hagrid, close your legs.

I can see up your kilt.

- Hey! - [laughs]

- Can you see the bag or the pipe?

- Both!

[laughter]

Oi, what are you doing?

- I'm trying to make a musical instrument

from a sheep's bladder and a bone.

- You're out of your mind.

- Listen. - Aye.

[low note plays]

- [gasps]

It's fookin' beautiful.

And it captures our heritage perfectly.

- Aye.

We can play outlaw tunes on it.

- We need to come up with a name for it.

- How about...bagpipe?

[laughter]

- Oh!

- Do you think I'll be famous?

- Fook no.

Bagpipe. [laughs]

It's stupid. It'll never catch on, ever.

- Don't make me come over there and blow your bag.

- My bag won't make that sound when you blow on it.

[laughter]

[low note plays]

[bagpipe music playing]

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Whoo! Ha ha ha.

This is really coming along.

I think I'm a natural.

Yeah.

[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪ Check it and see ♪

♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪

♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪

- Did you guys know it's actually illegal

to take sand from the beach?

[laughter]

- Yeah, right. - No, it's true.

In some cases, it's punishable with jail time

or up to a $100,000 fine.

- That is definitely not true.

- Why would I make something like that up?

- 'Cause you always make up stuff

based on bits of things that you hear.

- Like when?

Name one time I've done that, Granny.

- You told us that polar bears

and grizzly bears have sex

and give birth to pizzly bears.

- [laughs] - Oh, my God. Google it.

- I don't have to, because it's not true.

- Well, then maybe you should just believe me

because I'm your friend.

- That's not how friendship works.

- Too old-fashioned for you,

just believing in a friend?

- Hey, Cap, what are you reading?

- "A Prayer for Owen Meany."

I've tried reading this book three times,

and I can never get through the first 70 pages.

But this time, I'm gonna do it.

- Why keep trying?

- Well, apparently, it's the greatest book ever

with the best ending in history,

so I feel like I have to.

- Let me know if I can help.

- You want to read it for me?

- I've read it twice.

It's great. You'll love the ending.

- You showing me up?

- No, I--

[bagpipe music playing]

♪ ♪

- Oh, God.

That's loud.

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

- What's good, MacChiefy?

- I got myself some pipes.

That's what they call these, pipes.

- You gonna play "Danny Boy" on those things?

- Ooh, I might. [laughs]

This is a time-honored part of the Irish culture.

- Yeah, well, so is having 12 babies per family

and getting sunburned at the beach.

But we don't need to lean into that, do we?

- OK, you know what?

It's part of the firefighter life too.

And when I learn to play these bad boys,

I'm gonna play at your funeral.

[laughs] Carry on.

♪ ♪

[all groaning]

- I say he pops it.

- Noice!

The "Tacoma Tattler" just dropped the photo of us

from after the Pellettieri Dairy Farm fire,

and we look cool.

- Ah! Noice, indeed.

[laughs]

Whoa, Lucy, what the hell?

- What? - What are you doing

with your hands? - Representing the 2-4.

- No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.

That's a gang sign. You know that, right?

[laughter]

- Yeah, the Station 24 gang.

What up?

- Mm-mm. - No, stop. No, it's not.

It's a real gang sign.

It's the 82nd Street Boys.

- What is that, a boy band?

[laughter]

- No, it's not, actually.

It's the sign for the 82nd Street Boys.

They're a very dangerous street gang

in the Little Belgium district of Tacoma.

And that crisscross pattern,

that's the Belgian waffle-- don't make that sign.

[laughter]

- This is a solid bit.

- It's not a bit, you guys.

- This is exactly what we're talking about, man.

There's no Belgian street gang with a hand waffle sign.

- Yes, there is.

They're called the 82nd Street Boys,

and you better pray they don't see you

making that hand sign down there,

Or you're fucked, Lucy. I'm serious.

- This one? - Oh, my God. Stop it!

Stop it! Oh, yeah, go ahead.

Actually, you know what? Go ahead.

Go flash it on the street. See what happens.

Somebody's gonna get the last laugh.

It's not gonna be you. - [laughs]

- It's gonna be the streets of Little Belgium!

[laughter] It's your funeral.

- I respect your commitment to the bit, Ike.

[mellow music]

Oh!

[bagpipe music playing]

♪ ♪

[knock at door]

- Mm, mm, mm.

Sounding good, Chiefy. - Thank you.

I don't mean to blow my own horn,

but I am crushing these public domain songs.

- That's a good one. Oh, man.

That's a good one.

So, um, I was just wondering if you could play those

a little bit softer.

- Sorry, one volume only:

loud.

[laughs]

- So in that case, would you mind

if I just close this door a little bit so--

- Mm, it's better for the acoustics

to leave the door open.

- OK, the thing is, the bagpipes are really loud,

and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.

Maybe you could just take a break.

- Why don't you take a break from concentrating?

- Terry, do you remember two years ago

when I tried to learn how to play the guitar

and you banned me from playing in the station

'cause you said it was too loud?

- Come on. You were gonna quit anyway.

- That is not true.

- You never stick to anything. It's like that book.

How many times have you tried to read that book?

- I know how to read books, Terry.

This one just happens to be my kryptonite.

- The station closed down for more than a year.

You could have taken the time to learn the guitar then,

but you didn't, did you, hmm?

Exactly. Dismissed.

- No. I'm un-dismissable.

OK, now I'll leave because I want to.

- Good. Go.

- You know what? I just changed my mind.

Now I think I'll stay.

And now I'll go.

- Good. See you. Hey, don't close that door.

Hey! All right, fine.

♪ ♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Oh.

What's going on here? - Some kids pranked us,

plastered the station with waffles.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [sniffs]

[sighs]

It's not a prank.

Sure as hell ain't kids.

It's the 82nd Street Boys.

They must have seen the photo. Now they're angry.

- We better make some pancakes and hit 'em back.

[laughter]

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You think that's funny too, huh?

- Yeah, a little bit. - Why won't you

take this seriously, Lucy? - Because these are kids

playing a prank, or it's you playing a prank.

Either way, a Belgian street gang

that does drive-by waffle attacks doesn't exist.

- Let me tell you something.

I've seen a million waffle tags in my day,

and this one is particularly brutal.

- OK, Ike, prove it.

- I'll prove it to you right now.

Right now. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Huh? - Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey. - Whoa, stop it.

- Surprise. Surprise.

Ikey's got a tattoo,

a gang tattoo! - Huh?

- 'Cause I was a member of the 82nd Street Boys, Luce.

- Whoa.

- They're real, and they're coming!

And there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

- I grew up in the French sector of Little Belgium.

- But you're not Belgian, right?

- No. No, no, no.

But my father was a chocolatier

in a Belgian chocolate shop,

and we lived close to his work,

so I was there all the time.

- Your dad makes chocolate?

- Made.

He died of exhaustion on Valentine's Day.

That's a different story.

Man, the 82nd Street Boys

ran those streets back then.

They had their fingers in everything,

from the Bicycle Bazaar

to the beeper kiosk at the mall,

which are, of course, now

the cell phone case kiosks at the mall.

I was about 13 years old.

I was hanging around the Belgian Food Market.

Tried to steal some fresh waffles.

[chuckles]

The owner caught me,

Monsieur Richárd.

He also happened to be a leader of the 82nd Street Boys.

[chuckles]

Instead of punishing me,

he actually offered me a job.

[chuckles]

Started out as an errand boy,

and then before I knew it,

I was cutting sandwich meat at the butcher counter.

[suspenseful music]

Richárd was like a father to me.

And even though I wasn't Belgian,

in a couple years, they opened up the books, and...

he asked me to be in the gang.

[chuckles]

Took a blood oath.

But the night of my beatdown,

I realized I didn't want that life.

So I fled Little Belgium.

Never been back.

- So you were waffling about joining the gang?

- [muffled snicker]

- Yeah, I... I got out, like I said.

- Sounds like you got out "syrup-titiously."

- [chortles] - [giggles]

- OK. That's funny, yeah.

I don't actually understand your jokes,

but I know I don't like them.

- Why have you never brought this up before?

- I've told you this a million times.

- You never told us were in a Belgian street gang.

- I absolutely did.

Did I ever tell you I was in a Belgian street gang?

I told you I was in a Belgian street gang, right?

I was in this Belgian street gang.

Did I ever tell you guys I was in a Belgian street gang?

Did I ever tell you I was in a Belgian street gang?

Yeah, man, the 82nd Street Boys,

they were some badass dudes.

I'm not trying to show you my nuts.

It's a tattoo. It's a gang tattoo.

I was in a gang called the 82nd Street Boys.

- Wow.

I do not remember that.

- Hey, you know what's awesome about Little Belgium?

The French Fry Emporium.

- Oh, and Brussels Sprouts Depot is mad sick.

- Oh, the Smurf store.

You know the Smurfs are Belgian, right?

- Guys, why are you not scared right now?

- I don't know, maybe 'cause it's just Little Belgium.

- Just little Belgium?

Welcome to the jungle, Luce.

If you don't make amends with the 82nd Street Boys soon,

they're gonna send you the final message.

And if they send you the final message,

it's too late for you already.

- What's the final message?

- It's a lion's paw in a mayonnaise jar.

- Boy, stop. [laughs]

- Is the jar empty, or is the lion's paw

in actual mayonnaise?

- It's an empty jar. The lion's paw is in a jar.

- Sorry, I just thought they dipped everything in mayo,

like they do with French fries and oysters and waffles.

- They don't dip everything in mayo.

That's an ugly stereotype.

Please stop perpetuating it. - Ike!

Now, you know damn well they do that.

- OK, yes, maybe with the oysters and the French fries

and stuff like that, but certainly not with waffles.

I mean, come on.

Not with waffles!

- OK, OK.

How do I make amends so I don't get...

[mocking accent] the final message?

- You just have to apologize.

- Ike, you got to give it up.

I know that this is a prank.

- Please, apologize before it's too late.

[growls]

[bagpipe music playing]

♪ ♪

- What's up, Chief?

- Hey, Captain.

I'm just mastering "Oh! Susanna."

What do you got there, an accordion?

- Actually, Terry, it's an organetto.

I was so inspired by you that I decided

to get in touch with my Italian musical heritage.

And I bet I learn how to play this thing

before you learn how to play that.

- Mm, well,

I'm guessing you're just here to annoy me,

so let's hear it.

- Well, no, I just got it, so...

- Well, I just got this, so... [chuckles]

- Fine, fine.

Feast your hear holes on this.

[soft creaking]

- My hear holes are still hungry.

- Hold on a second.

- It's supposed to make sound, right?

- There's definitely gotta be a switch here.

- Maybe you need to charge it.

- I guess I thought it would just come to me

on account of me being Italian.

- Now you know as much about the organetto

as you do about playing the guitar.

[chuckles] Why don't you come back

when you can get it to make noise?

- That'll be sooner than you think. [laughs]

- If you'll excuse me.

- OK, BRB.

That means be right back.

- B-Y-E.

It means bye.

[chuckles] Sucker.

All right, Susanna.

And a-one and two and three and four.

♪ ♪

- These boots aren't really shine-able.

- Doing a great job, man. Keep it up.

- Thanks, Granny.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- [breathing heavily]

♪ ♪

- Mm. - Whoa.

- Who put that lion's paw there?

- Not me. - Not me.

- Not me. - I put it zere.

[dramatic musical sting]

- Oh, shit.

- Hello, everyone.

I'm Gerkens Richárd.

♪ ♪

Hello, Ike.

- Hello, Monsieur Richárd.

- And Lucy McConky.

♪ ♪

So quick to use our secret hand signal.

You probably belittled us, made fun of Little Belgium,

laughed about waffles, joked about za Smurfs.

♪ ♪

Well, zis is not a joke.

And we are not za Smurfs.

- Now do you believe me?

♪ ♪

[bagpipe music playing]

♪ ♪

[low notes playing]

♪ ♪

- Eddie, this is ridiculous.

Why are you going out of your way

to stymie my bagpipe playing? - I'm not stymieing anything.

I'm just trying to master the Swiss alphorn.

- No, you're not.

You're out here making noise to stop me out of spite

because my passion for the bagpipes

is greater than your passion was for the guitar.

- Wrong.

It's because you stymied my guitar playing.

- You stymied yourself.

You're a self-stymier.

- New Year's Day, 2020.

You asked me if I had any New Year's resolutions,

and I said, "I think I'd like to learn to play the guitar."

And you went, "Pfft.

Yeah, right. Good luck with that."

- Because every New Year, you have some new resolution.

One year, it's juggling. Then it's running marathons.

Then "I want to do magic." Then it's hypnosis.

Then "I'm gonna ride a unicycle."

And you never follow through on it.

- Well, maybe instead of pfft-ing me,

you could offer me some encouragement

like a real friend. - You don't care about that.

You just want to stop me from playing my bagpipes.

Well, it's not gonna happen!

- Oh, you're storming away? Fine, I'll storm away too.

[loud scraping]

[rock music]

[clunk]

[clunk]

[scraping]

- Ike, Lucy, come sit, please.

- Very good. Ha ha.

[quietly] OK, listen carefully. Belgians are easily offended.

They find backslapping or yawning offensive,

so please don't do that.

And never, ever confuse them

with French or Dutch people, OK?

- [whispering] I'll just keep my mouth shut.

- Ike, let's talk.

- [whispering] Don't say anything at all.

[soft accordion music]

- Ah, would anyone like a Brussels waffle?

- I would love one, Gerkens.

- Good choice. [laughs]

We have two types of waffles in Belgium,

the Liège waffle and the Brussels waffle.

Did you know that, Lucy?

- Uh, no.

- The Brussels waffle has larger squares

and deeper pockets.

It also doesn't soak the syrup in

like the Liège waffle,

so it is crispier.

And you can have it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

It is one of the many aspects of Belgian culture

which I love.

- Sounds versatile. [chuckles]

- What I don't love

is when people make a mockery of Belgian culture.

When I saw za photo,

I knew that za girl was mocking us.

- Gerkens, that was an honest mistake.

She [laughing] had no idea.

- Yeah, l-let me explain.

So we're in Station 24.

And I had a two and a four.

- Merde!

- And-- - Oh, my God.

- Well, just trying to show him.

- Stop. Please stop.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry. - [exhales heavily]

Well...[chuckles] I may never know za truth.

And that's fine, because...

I'm not here for her.

- Oh!

- I'm here for you, Ike.

[plate shatters]

["Oh! Susanna" playing]

♪ ♪

["Row, Row, Row Your Boat" playing]

[bass notes]

♪ ♪

- Guess what, Terry.

I found the instrument,

and I've already mastered it.

- A vuvuzela?

That's not even a real instrument.

- OK, first of all, it's "vuvu-zela."

- That's what I said, "vuvu-ze-la."

- "Vuvu-zela."

- "Vuvu-ze-la."

- It doesn't matter.

I want you to stop playing the bagpipes,

and there's no way you can endure this.

The "vuvu-zela" is undefeated.

- [exhales heavily]

♪ ♪

[bagpipes and vuvuzela playing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"]

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

Oh! That was incredible.

- Two great sounds that sound great together.

- Why didn't we do this from the beginning?

- Terry, when we work together,

we make beautiful music.

- Hey, would you want to do a duet

of "Yankee Doodle" with me?

- I would love to play "Yankee Doodle."

- One and two and three and four.

["Yankee Doodle" playing]

- You were like a son.

I let you in za gang even though you weren't Belgian.

Zen you betrayed me

and ran away like a thief in the night.

In time, I forgot about you,

which was difficult for me because I loved you so much.

Zen...[chuckles] I saw za photo.

[laughs] Za photo.

And you know za rule

zat you can't leave the 82nd Street Boys

without a pe-nance.

- [gasps]

- So I'm here

for my pound of flesh.

- I'll rejoin the gang. I can just rejoin.

- It's too late, Ike.

You know za rules.

High or low?

- What does he mean by high or low?

- Tell her, Ike.

- Price to leave the gang's a thumb or a big toe.

- What? No.

This is all my fault. Please do not hurt Ike.

- It's fine. Thanks.

It's OK.

Every man's gotta face his past at some point.

["You Are My Sunshine" playing]

♪ ♪

- What's dat?

♪ ♪

Where is dat coming from?

♪ ♪

[both breathing heavily]

When I was a child in Brussels...[laughs]

My mother and father used to bring me

to watch RSC Anderlecht football club play.

Ze smell, the smell of French fries,

mayonnaise, vinegar,

and Belgian beer was in za air.

Za crowd was roaring.

And of course, the bagpipes and "vuvu-zelas"

playing the Belgian national anthem

together za whole time.

Oh, God. [laughs]

It is the best memory of my mother and father

and being a boy in Belgium.

Oh, yes.

Ike, just now when your friends honored me

by playing the Belgian national anthem,

it brought me back.

[inhales deeply] Thank you.

I forgive you. [laughs]

- Really?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much, Gerkens.

- You are welcome.

- Hey, by the way, this is not

the Belgian national anthem.

This is "You Are My Sunshine." Yeah.

- No, no, it is the Belgian national anthem.

- No, no, it's "You Are my Sunshine."

We got the songbook right here. - It's right here.

"Public Domain Songs." Right?

- No, no, no, no! - No, it--

- Ah, it's the Belgian national anthem, 100%.

- [laughs] - Yeah, yeah.

- Ike, who's this guy, your trainer? [laughs]

- Oh, this is Gerkens Richárd.

- [laughs] What up, Pickle Dick?

- [yelps] [laughter]

- Pickle Dick. - No, Pickle Dick,

that's a different guy. We make fun of him sometimes.

We have him in here. - No, no, we're talking about

this guy-- Gerkens, Pickle; Richárd, Dick.

Pickle Dick. - No. No, uh...

he's a Belgian crime boss.

Yeah. Very good friend of mine.

I used to cut bologna for him.

- Belgian crime boss? - Yeah.

[laughter]

Are you kidding me? That's baloney.

[laughter]

- [mockingly] I am going to make you

an offer you can't refuse. [laughter]

- Sorry, pal. We don't even know you.

We're just kidding. - Yeah, we're totally kidding.

We're totally kidding. - Yeah, totally kidding.

Hey, we're gonna keep playing, guys, all right?

So have fun. One and two and three and four.

- Don't worry about them.

I'm just so glad we resolved all our stuff.

- Well, it is not completely resolved.

I need you to do one last job.

[rock music]

["You Are My Sunshine" playing]

♪ ♪

[music continues]

♪ ♪

[dark undertone]

[dark undertone disappears]

- You said a pound and a half, right, ma'am?

[laughs] Great.

I'll be right with you, sir.

♪ ♪

[both breathing heavily]

[laughter]

- Magnifique. Oh, my God.

- You're a very generous audience.

- Best audience so far. - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. - Hey, Gerkens,

what kind of job did you have Ike do?

Was it something important?

- No, I just needed someone

to cover the Sunday shift.

It is the hardest shift to cover.

- Oh, yeah. - Right?

Tell me about it. - We know.

Hey, what kind of a name

is Gerkens anyway--

French or Dutch?

[suspenseful music]

- Neither. It is Belgian.

- Ah, what does it matter?

It's all the same anyway, right, pal?

[laughter] - He's kidding.

He's kidding.

♪ ♪

- All right, "Comin' Round the Mountain" on eight.

Ready? both: And one and two

and three and four

and five and six and seven and eight.

["Comin' Round the Mountain" playing]

♪ ♪

[suspenseful music]