Original subtitles

Previously on Swingtown:

JANET: You told him that rather than go home

and discuss the fact that he got fired

with his wife,

he should head over here

and have a field day with the swingers.

It wasn't like that.

TRINA: Susan, Bruce... Sylvia and Brad Davis.

Brad is rabid to psychoanalyze you.

SUSAN: So what do you see?

(chuckling)

About the other night...

You were a perfect gentleman. Not so perfect.

Mom, Mr. Thompson, this is Mr. Stevens...

Doug.

He was my teacher over the summer.

What do you want to do next?

You slept with her, didn't you?

Oh, you can't seriously tell me

you're jealous of Bobbi.

You don't get to tell me how I feel right now.

(camera clicks)

I think we need

to revisit the rules

and be exclusive for a while.

BRAD: Susan, what's the difference

between Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford?

I don't know, Brad, what?

Nixon couldn't tell the truth.

Ford can't tell the difference.

(both laughing)

You think Carter's any better?

He's just plain nuts.

Nuts... you know, peanut farmer?

Oh, God. Oh come on, that's funny!

Boo, boo.

Neither one of you

should quit your day jobs.

But I will agree with one thing.

This country's two-party system

is a total joke.

By this time tomorrow,

we'll know who the Republican

presidential nominee will be.

God help us.

If Sylvia's gonna start stumping,

I'm pouring another round.

Make mine a double.

(gasps)

Everyone getting famished?

Bruce is on his second drink,

and Sylvia's starting to talk politics.

Oh, well, I better hurry this up.

You know, speaking of uncomfortable conversations,

have you spoken to Janet

since the party last weekend?

We had lunch.

I'm back to square one with her, aren't I?

Well, I wouldn't say square one.

I am the one who brought Roger to the pool party.

You did nothing wrong.

She still doesn't think

I set out to seduce him, does she?

I'm not sure she ever really believed that.

I-I think that she...

felt more excluded than betrayed.

Might take her longer to forgive me than you.

You know, I might want to try

to do something to smooth it over.

Maybe a pedicure

or a shopping spree.

(laughing)

That's a great idea...

but you-you might want to...

think of something a little more Janet.

Right.

I'll think of something.

MAN (on TV): It's no guarded secret.

It's something that's been generally known,

and as a matter of fact,

I suspect it was pretty generally known

to the president since we've been friends for many years.

NEWSCASTER: Senator, would you agree that, uh,

you are an attractive quantity for this ticket?

(man laughing on TV)

Can't remember the last time

I saw you at the typewriter.

Must be serious business.

Just nailing down my options.

You know, I can still do 100 words a minute,

if you'd let me help.

At this stage, I'm really just brainstorming.

Roger, it's my future, too.

I-I-I want to help.

Firefighter-- really?

(typing fast)

Did you ever look

into any of those engineering schools?

I did.

There's a program at DeVry.

I applied for the fall. You did?

In the meantime, I need to pay the bills.

Um, stockbroker...

now, there's a career.

(typing)

Have you mentioned it to Bruce?

I'm meeting him downtown tomorrow

to pick his brain a little bit.

Got anything else up your sleeve?

How about...

(typing slowly)

Gravedigger?

It's almost time for Barney Miller.

I'm gonna get a beer.

MAN (on TV): I don't tend to do that, even if it's a light day,

but, uh, to honestly answer your question...

TRINA: "Sexual Revolution

in Modern Marriage" by Brad Davis.

Ooh. Ah.

"While long popular in urban circles,

"a growing number of middle Americans

"are opening their bedroom doors

to experimentation with other couples."

Now, wherever did you get that idea?

(laughter) I may have stumbled

into your basement once or twice.

(laughter)

Simon & Schuster just optioned this article for a book.

Wow. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Should make for some interesting research.

(laughter)

Brad has an all-access pass

to the Pendulum Club tomorrow night,

if anyone's up for an adventure.

BRUCE: The Pendulum Club?

That's the, uh...

the sex club on-on Dearborn?

Sex club?

More like an erotic cabaret.

Tom and I sure picked the wrong month

to close our marriage.

Wait, you mean you two aren't...

Turns out there are worse things

out there than monogamy.

Like what?

Infidelity.

BRAD: Seems that it comes down

to the difference between swinging

and cheating... you know, I would like

to interview you all for the book.

Uh, no. I, uh...

No, uh, thanks.

Why don't we crack open that bottle

of brandy you brought, Bruce?

Uh, yeah, great.

I'll go get it.

(Trina sighs) A toast.

To Brad.

SYLVIA: To Brad.

To Brad.

Bruce, you awake?

Yeah.

Do we need to talk?

Yeah, I-I think we do.

Look, I've been debating about telling you this,

'cause it's-it's not that big a deal.

I-I mean... or it shouldn't be.

I mean, we both slept

with another couple this summer,

so it's-it's not like it's unprecedented.

Bruce, what are you talking about?

Remember the night of the blackout?

I-I wasn't out...

with the guys all night.

Where were you?

I went over to Melinda's.

Captioning sponsored by CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION

* Give it up, give it up

* Give it up, give it up *

* Ah, ah, ah *

* Give it up for love

* Ah, ah, ah *

* Give it up for love.

Susan, I'm really sorry.

You already said that.

All we did was kiss.

Already said that, too.

It was just that one time at her apartment.

And the train station.

(sighs) Right.

You know, I think I'd feel

better if you'd just yell at me.

Bruce, am I glad

you told me? Yes.

Do I wish it had never happened?

Oh, yes.

I'll talk to Melinda today.

I will let her know

in no uncertain terms that... No.

I don't want you to talk to her at all...

if you think you can manage that.

Okay, if that's what you want.

I'm meeting Roger for a drink after work.

He asked to talk to me.

About what?

A job at the Exchange.

It's just Roger,

I promise,

and then I'm coming straight home.

Bruce...

I have a wild idea.

Why don't we meet Brad and Sylvia

at the Pendulum Club afterward?

(laughs)

What, are you kidding?

I don't want this--

whatever this is... sex--

to control our marriage.

I want us to control it... together.

Just like that first night at Tom and Trina's house.

Tom and-and Trina put the brakes on that-that...

I'm not saying we actually have

to do anything with anyone.

I just...

I think it would be good for us.

(sighs)

Okay.

Laurie, you're in charge of dinner tonight.

I'm spending the night at Rick's, remember?

And I'm staying at Stacy's.

I haven't heard Stacy's name

all summer.

Which is why we're getting together.

Where are you guys going?

Downtown.

(door closing)

Was that Dad?

Clean this up when you're done, please.

Trina.

I hope you don't mind. I got your address from Susan.

Well, it's a shame you didn't get my phone number.

Would've saved you a trip.

I made muffins.

Congratulations.

Janet...

I know you're upset,

but if I can just talk to you for five minutes...

I haven't baked anything since high school home ec.

Please?

Oh... those suckers aren't coming out, are they?

I don't know what I did.

Well, usually...

There's, uh, these liners...

uh, or-or even just a shot of Pam

will do it, but...

Here we go.

Oh, God.

(both laughing)

Oops.

You know, the tops

are the best part anyway.

(laughing)

(laughing)

Janet...

I'm sorry

about that whole misunderstanding with Roger.

That photograph you saw--

all he did that day was swim and have fun.

Without me.

Well, losing your job is pretty major.

He was just blowing off steam.

I'm sure he wished you were there.

I'm not so sure.

I feel like Roger's changing,

and I'm not just talking about the job.

Well, people change.

They're supposed to.

Maybe people like you and Tom.

And Susan, but...

I'm not the kind of person who can find herself

by losing an earring in someone else's bedroom.

(sighs)

And trying something new

shouldn't mean losing anything.

Susan and Bruce have been

in a moment of transition,

and sharing a new experience

brought them closer together.

Same could be true for you and Roger.

(laughs)

If you're suggesting Roger and I, uh,

then you've forgotten who you're talking to.

I'm talking to the woman who let loose up at Susan's cabin,

and who watched Deep Throat

with a bunch of strangers at our house.

Can't smoke pot and watch porno movies every night.

Besides,

those weekends, that...

they weren't really me.

I think we all underestimate who the real Janet is.

Thanks for meeting me, Bruce.

You know, I never got the detail

about what happened over at Mutual.

Why'd they let you go after 12 years?

Guess I, uh, asked for a promotion

on the wrong day.

Bastards.

How's all this sitting with Janet?

Actually, she's taking it pretty well.

Just wish I'd told her sooner.

You know what's funny?

Sometimes, you know, it's never as bad

as you think it's gonna be with women.

What do you mean?

I had this little indiscretion,

uh, with a girl from the firm,

Melinda... The one from the scavenger hunt...

Nothing happened.

Nothing much.

But I felt so guilty about it,

I ended up telling Susan last night.

How'd she take it?

Really well.

So well we're going to the-the Pendulum Club.

You know that place?

We got invited

by some friends of the Deckers.

Oh, so it's... it's like a...

And Susan wants to go? Yeah.

I don't know if I'm being set up

or what, but...

Anyway, uh, what is it that can I tell you about

the Options Exchange?

Oh, um,

I guess just what kind of job opportunities

there might be.

Now, I'm not looking

for any special favors.

I got no problem starting at the bottom.

You telling me you want to be a trader?

Well... I'm open to it.

All right,

I-I-I can put in a word, but, um...

uh, can I be honest?

You're not exactly a born risk-taker, Rog.

You know?

Some guys are. Some aren't.

But-but working on that floor,

a guy can lose your shirt in an afternoon.

I'd hate to think I was setting you up for a fall.

Yeah, no, I, I hear what you're saying.

Probably not that guy,

am I?

I'll grab us a couple more drinks.

Pete, two more.

Huh.

You realize you have more John Denver albums

than my mother.

I knew I liked her.

How does she feel about Roxy Music?

I think you might

have her there.

*

Ugh, the Republicans are choosing their nominee tonight.

I know, that convention ought to be fascinating.

I say this with confidence:

there is nothing fascinating about Gerald Ford

or Ronald Reagan.

Morbidly fascinating.

I thought you were a conscientious objector

to television.

This is a rare exception.

So let's do it.

We could watch it at my place.

My parents are downtown for the night,

and my brother is staying at a friend's.

I don't think so.

Come on, what better place

to watch the Republican National Convention

than in an actual Republican living room?

(doorbell ringing)

Ah, Susan! Wow!

You look great.

Bruce and I are going to the Pendulum Club tonight.

You are?

What brought that on?

Bruce kissed Melinda.

Twice, actually.

And I guess he's been to her apartment, too,

so...

Oh, Susan, I'm so sorry.

He said nothing more happened, and I believe him.

I don't think it's anything more serious than a...

work crush.

Like Tom and that stewardess Bobbi.

If Bobbi had a brain.

Are you sure going to the Pendulum Club

is the right move?

Not at all,

which is why I was hoping you and Tom might join us.

Uh, Susan, Tom and I are...

taking break for a while. I could really

use you tonight for moral support,

just like a tour guide.

If Bruce is feeling tempted,

it's something I want him to share with me, not hide from me.

Well, in that case,

the Pendulum Club might be the perfect place for you and Bruce

to shake this off.

I'll call Tom.

(doorbell ringing)

Janet!

Hi! Susan...

Hello.

Trina brought me muffins

this morning. Oh!

Your tin.

Plus some liners for your next batch.

I wrote down a few of my favorite recipes,

and if could offer a tip?

Apple sauce.

Makes them unspeakably moist. Mm-hmm. Apple sauce?

TRINA: I'll be sure to remember that.

Well, don't you look nice.

Oh.

Oh, well, we're heading downtown to meet Tom and Bruce.

Oh, well, uh, don't let me stop you.

No, Janet, I would have invited you,

but this club we're

going to... Wouldn't want someone like me

for a member?

Maybe you shouldn't underestimate me,

Susan.

If Roger's still with Bruce,

we could call and they could meet us at this club.

I-I mean unless there's a dress code.

(chuckles)

Oh, there's a dress code.

Why don't we pick something for you

out of my closet.

Really? Well, if we're going to do this, let's do it.

There's a few things you need to know

about the Pendulum Club.

Pendulum Club?

Don't worry.

Just stick close to us.

* Take no big thing

* To wait for ...

* Take no big thing...

(sighs) Well...

this ought to be one for the scrapbook.

Trina, how nice to see you.

Good evening.

I can't believe I told Roger to meet us here.

Susan, Trina.

Sylvia.

Isn't this place a scream?

I could scream.

TRINA: Sylvia, you remember Janet. Of course,

from the Deep Throat party.

Harry Reems absolutely adored you.

Well, uh,

please tell him I said hello.

MAN: Oh, yeah.

WOMAN: You like that?

I do believe there's a unicorn

on your tail, my friend.

In this place?

You shouldn't joke. I'm talking about

that smoking hot single woman

who comes out of nowhere, looking to play,

and trots off just as fast.

Aren't you a doll.

Good luck, pal.

(chuckles) Mmm.

Where's Brad? Oh, he's over there,

interviewing couples.

I see you don't wear a wedding ring.

I'm going to go find my husband.

(sighs)

So, here we are.

This is a little out there, isn't it?

A little?

Come on.

Never a dull moment, huh, babe?

Mmm. I feel like a kid in a candy store.

In handcuffs.

Yeah, and not the fun, fuzzy kind.

Hi, Tom.

(clears throat)

I'm digging this whole

fish-out-of-water vibe.

Very sexy.

I, uh, I actually...

I really haven't ever been here before.

Neither has my wife.

Which one is she?

The brunette headed this way.

Mmm.

First-timers.

I'm Janet, Roger's wife.

Lucky girl.

How about

a tour of the back room?

Miller.

Hey. It's about time you showed up.

Oh, Samantha and I were just hanging out.

Hope it's okay.

Yeah, yeah, it's cool.

You see guys I told you there'd be chicks here.

This is Samantha.

Samantha, this is a bunch of nimrods.

You ever played Pong?

Yeah.

Dollar says Samantha kicks your butt.

Reset the game, losers.

We...

have another sucker.

I have been called...

That's it.

Ford versus Carter in November.

Are those people faking it?

No one could get this riled up about Gerald Ford,

I mean, in a good way.

I'm riled up.

Democrats just dodged a bullet.

Reagan would have been a far better candidate.

You like Reagan?

He's a born politician.

Had this gone the other way,

Reagan might have been the new leader of the free world.

Why are we always calling our president the "leader

of the free world"?

Did anybody ever check

with the president of France about that?

Do you even know who the president of France is?

Giscard d'Estaing.

That is so hot.

(giggles)

* Drive all night, drive all day... *

It's pretty fascinating, isn't it?

Makes our night at the Playboy Club

seem like a Girl Scout meeting.

Call me anytime if you want to talk some more.

My service will track me down.

MAN: Hey, thanks. Nice!

You getting what you came for, hon?

Best-seller material.

You catch the guy

in the judge's robes walking around?

He actually has a seat

on the Illinois State Supreme Court.

His wife is a stenographer.

You never can tell with people, can you?

That's what keeps me employed.

Yeah, I'm gonna go

to the men's room. If I'm not back in five,

you send out a search party.

Bruce is adorable, you know.

Brad's pretty charming himself.

Do what I can with what I got.

You're quite something, too, Susan.

Oh, I don't know.

Compared to these people, I...

SYLVIA: Are you kidding?

Brad couldn't stop talking about you

and Bruce for weeks after we met.

We both did.

I think you two are the interesting ones.

You lead such...

...glamorous lives.

Well, it's nice to know we're all mutually intrigued.

BJ: Game point!

SAMANTHA: Oh, come on. See.

BOY: Come on. Get it.

No. Oh!

Yes! Yes!

Woo-hoo!

Pleasure doing business with you.

Come on, Jimmy Connors.

One more?

Forget it.

That's all my money.

I should probably get home anyway.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

It's early.

There are plenty of other games we can play.

Like what?

Spin the bottle.

*

* Yo te quero, mi corazon *

Uh, no unescorted males allowed.

Sorry, Daphne. Our friend Bruce doesn't know all the rules.

Well, hello, strangers.

We haven't seen you here in forever.

Tom and I are laying low for a while.

We're, um,

not participating. Pity.

Look, I suppose a quick peak

is out of the question?

Right. Okay.

* Mi corazon... *

You want to take him

back with you?

(moaning and laughing)

It's your chance,

pal.

Actually...

I've invited Brad and Sylvia to come home with us.

Brad really wants to interview us,

and I told him if they came back to our place for a drink,

we'd see how it goes.

What? You-You mean that-that...?

Okay.

Trina,

have you seen Janet and Roger?

Uh, no, come to think of it.

I'm sure they probably left.

TRINA: Why don't you two catch a ride

with Brad and Sylvia,

and we'll make sure Roger and Janet get home?

Thanks, Trina.

Kind of makes you feel like a parent on prom night.

(Trina laughs)

We have to get out of here, Tom. I'm dying. Uh-huh.

Bye.

I just gave the virgins a tour.

Oh, Roger,

there you are.

Where's Janet?

Oh.

My God.

Why don't we get you two home?

That's okay. We have our car.

We must go forth from here united, determined...

LAURIE: You're right.

Reagan is way better than Ford.

(laughing): Oh.

Yeah, but now Carter has a shot at it.

(cheering and applause on TV)

(both moaning)

(door opening)

BRUCE: Come on in.

(laughter)

Oh, my God, my parents are home!

What?

Holy cow. Get the TV!

I thought you said

they weren't coming back until late. Shh!

SUSAN: The kids are out for the night,

so we have... we have the place to ourselves.

(laughing)

Oh, my God, they're not alone.

Look at the new wallpaper.

Not that your caricature of me went unappreciated.

That's not a caricature at all.

It's a significant piece of art.

(laughs)

I hate to think of you all covered up under there.

Who's up for a drink?

What do you got?

Uh, I could whip up some

gin and tonics? The bar's in here.

SYLVIA: I'm a little ginned out.

Do you have any, um... Crap!

...white wine or...?

In the kitchen refrigerator, Bruce.

(whispers): I don't believe this.

Uh, right this way.

Looks like a bomb went off in here.

Kids. I'm sorry about the mess.

Just don't let Brad see.

He's a bit of an obsessive-compulsive.

A what?

He likes things neat.

I, on the other hand,

don't mind a little mess.

What the hell is going on?

MAN (on radio) That's extra bases!

(static and music on different stations)

Oh, God, what a fantastic song.

* Crimson and clover...

Reminds me of this time

Brad and I were in the Haight

at some completely out-of-control shrink party

where everybody was taking LSD.

I had an out-of-body experience listening to this song.

The lawyer lady took LSD?

Tell me you don't think of me as the lawyer lady.

I'm getting past it.

Cheers.

* Crimson and clover...

(doorbell rings)

Hi. Uh, uh...

Oh. Don't mean to interrupt.

TRINA: Oh, no, no, no, that's fine.

Apparently we're entertaining.

Come on in.

I just, uh, wanted to get my dress and return yours.

DEBORAH: Roger!

You're here.

(laughs)

Excuse me. (clears throat)

Uh, actually,

we're-we're not staying. One dance.

You won't even have to do anything.

(laughs)

BRAD: So, tell me,

what does modern marriage mean to a woman like you?

(inhales and exhales)

I don't know.

I guess a modern marriage

is one that is... equal,

and open to change.

Interesting.

Is it passionate?

Yes.

How passionate?

* Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

* What a beautiful feeling...

Are you asking me...

how often or how intense?

(whispering): We have to get out of here,

or I'm going to scream.

(quietly): Please, don't scream.

GROUP: * Crimson and clover

* Over and over

I'm in hell.

*

Trina, uh, there's some sort of...

stain on your dress?

Don't worry about it.

Did you take all these?

A while ago, most of them.

This one's recent.

I took it the day Tom and I decided to close our marriage.

You mean, not, uh... not be with other people?

For now.

This picture reminds me why.

Have you always had this

honesty compulsion?

I used to love

dissecting stuff in school--

pulling all the layers apart and seeing what's underneath--

so, yeah, I guess.

You know, I think I had you all wrong.

You seem like you want to be the center of attention, but...

you're an observer.

I guess I underestimated you, too.

People are always more interesting

when they think no one's looking.

You should be proud of yourself

for going to that club tonight.

It was a big step.

I-I only did it for Roger.

(laughs)

RICK: Here goes nothing.

*

(laughter)

RICK: Sorry.

I'm not spending two minutes

in the closet with a dude.

(laughter)

*

Whatever.

Let's go.

* Ain't no better way

Don't start the timer until the door shuts.

* It's a brand-new day...

(door closes)

(laughs)

Don't think I'm kissing you.

Who says I even want to?

Good, 'cause I'm not.

Why'd you even come here?

Because BJ asked me to.

(laughs)

Oh, BJ.

What's that supposed to mean?

He's just got a thing for strays.

Lame dogs, abandoned cats,

broken birds.

He can't help himself.

I should know. He's been my friend

my entire life.

Yeah, well, it's pretty obvious how you feel about him.

At least to me, and that's fine.

Nobody's trying to take him away from you.

(loud smack)

RICK: Ow!

Oh!

Whoa, Sam.

Where you going?

Dude, what the hell did you do?

Nothing, man. She tongued me.

And then punched you?

Sam?

I did this on the door.

So what's with this whole

season of passion theory?

What's that about?

Brad thinks that human sexuality is perennial.

Like flowers.

I like to categorize my wife as a hothouse orchid.

(laughs)

She's always in bloom.

(laughter)

What about you, Brad? Do you have a season

of passion?

He's deciduous.

* Let's get it on...

(laughter)

This is ridiculous.

Let's just walk out there.

We'll deal with this like adults. Are you insane?

(laughter) We'll say I was helping you.

With what?

Some kind of philosophy emergency?

(laughter)

Okay, what about the truth?

We came to watch the GOP nomination, all right?

Maybe your dad would be cool with that.

(sniffing)

Oh, my God. What?

Are they smoking pot?

* With so much to give

* Understand me, sugar...

So, uh, what do you think?

(both laughing)

I think we should go for it.

Yeah?

Don't you?

* There's nothin' wrong with me *

* Lovin' you

* Baby now

* And giving yourself to me can never be wrong... *

What? Go!

Just-Just hang on.

Let's take this in the other room.

* Oh, baby

* Ooh, ooh

*

Why? What's going on?

*

(giggling)

*

* Mmm...

* Oh, yeah...

Oh.

* Whoa...

* He-hey

* Whoa...

* Yeah

* You...

* Ooh...

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Everything okay out here?

Uh, fine.

It's just getting a little... close in there.

Roger's just having a good time.

Don't make this something bigger than it is.

I used to think I knew what he needed, but...

if what's happening in there is what he needs...

Whatever's going on with him

can include you, and it's better if it does.

(chuckles)

That's...

People might see Roger

that way.

I, on the other hand, am not the kind of person

any one of your friends would...

want like that.

You are a beautiful woman, Janet.

Don't you ever forget that.

Roger is a very lucky man

and he would be a fool not to know that.

A little attention from someone else

is only going to bring it all back to you.

All right... I'll see you back in there.

(giggles)

Hi.

Uh, Roger, could I, uh...?

Uh, yes,

yes, you may, definitely.

Can... um, excuse me.

Um, I'm, uh, going to go home,

so, um, I'll need the keys if you're going to stay.

You mean without you?

I don't think I can follow you into this, Roger.

I... I tried, but, um...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Janet.

I don't know what it is you think I'm interested in here,

but this whole night was your idea.

Well, what do you want?

Well, it isn't a damn unicorn,

that's for sure.

What?

Janet...

(sniffles)

Let's go home.

Okay.

WOMAN: Bye.

(slow R&B plays)

* Listen, baby...

So Bruce and I...

We were thinking that...

maybe if you and Sylvia...?

We actually haven't done this a lot.

You know what I could really go for right now?

What?

An omelet.

How's it going in here, kids?

We're... making

an omelet.

You guys want cheese?

Cheese sounds great.

He mostly likes to watch.

Brad is what you would

call an "emotional voyeur."

Come on, Bruce.

Uh... yeah, um, uh,

c-could we just, uh...

Whoa, uh... h-hold on a second.

Oh!

You like the light on, huh? Give Brad a better view,

is that what you like?

Laurie?!

Oh, wow.

Wh... uh, what is

going on here?

Who is this lady?

This is Sylvia Davis-- a friend of mine

and your mother's. Who is this?

Uh, Doug Stephens.

I'm sorry. Doug who?

Doug Stephens.

We were watching the convention.

How old are you?

Honey...

Right, um, Susan, Bruce, we'll call you.

Uh, yeah, I should, uh, get going, too.

Uh, Laurie, Mr. and Mrs. Miller..

SYLVIA: Where is my jumpsuit?

Sam, hold up.

Leave me alone.

Whatever Rick said, he's an ass.

I swear... I don't need your pity.

Okay? I'm not some stray animal you need to take care of.

What did he say to you?

I don't go to parties.

I don't drink.

And I don't play stupid kissing games.

Good. Me neither.

SYLVIA: Come on! Hurry, hurry, let's go!

Right behind you.

WOMAN: Thanks, Trina.

MAN: We had a great time.

(sighs)

I think that's everybody.

Everybody that's fit to drive anyway.

I guess she wiped herself out with all that dancing.

Looks like she scared Roger and Janet away.

Oh, I think I might've had something to do with that.

Never mind.

Oh...

Such a waste, huh?

Perfect unicorn.

There's only one unicorn in my book, baby.

(moaning softly)

You can't ground me.

I'm practically an adult.

"Practically" and "actually" are two very different things.

How old is he anyway? What's the difference?

Do I need to remind you what you two

were doing at my age?

Laurie... He's making Doug

sound like some sort of creep.

He is a philosophy professor.

And where the hell

did you meet a philosophy professor?

Oh, no.

Wait. He's your teacher?

Not anymore.

It was summer school.

Oh, that is it.

What is that, some kind of threat?

What about what you two were doing?

Getting stoned with those freaks,

about to... Watch it!

No, she's right, Bruce.

What, what has happened

to this family?

Ever since we moved into this house--

I mean, no wonder our kids are

off the rails.

All right, the buck...

stops here.

We are taking back control of this family.

There's going to be a lot of changes around here.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't know yet.

I have to think on it.

Mom?

We'll talk about this in the morning.

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