All language subtitles for Swedish Dicks - 02x08 - The Swedish FBI_track3_[eng]

[Ingmar]
Copy that.

Copy that.

Yes, sir.
Thank you.

This is something
really big.

-Do you know who
I just talked to?
-No.

-On the phone.
-Still, no.

Well, I got a call
on this phone.

From who?

-I don't know.
-I don't understand.

-Well, I don't think you do.
-Well, that's what I said.

Hey, we got
an assignment.

Now, this is a big deal
for the two of us.

-What's the...
-Assignment?

I don't know.
Not yet.

That's the beauty of it.
It's top secret.

Huh?

Have you ever dreamt of
becoming a secret agent?

Yeah.

My name is Hans Lundstrom,
and, uh, this is Per Nilsson.

-Hey.
-Those are not
our real names.

We work for the Swedish
Security Service SAPO.

Sometimes we call it
the Swedish FBI.

-Mm-hmm.
-This is Linda Hernandez.

She runs our L.A. field office.
That's not her real name either.

My real name's Skylyr,
spelled S-K-Y-L-Y-R.

So, thanks for that, Mom.

SAPO has a field office
in L.A.?

Officially, SAPO
has no operations
outside of Sweden,

and if someone asks,
we will deny it.

Well, try it if you like.

Does SAPO have a field office
in Los Angeles?

I suppose I can be straight
with you guys.

Actually, we do.
The reason we are here
is that we need your help.

With what?

We can't tell you that
until we know we can trust you.

-Oh, you can trust us.
-You saying that unfortunately
isn't good enough.

We made that mistake
before.

You're gonna have to
promise.

-We promise.
-Great. Let's rock and roll.

This is Leif Sahlin.
He used to be the Swedish
Minister of Defense.

Now he's the Consulate General
here at the Swedish Consulate
in Los Angeles.

For the last few years,
he's been using his position

to facilitate
industrial espionage.

-Oh?
-Yes, you heard her right.

He's buying secret
information

from unscrupulous
Swedish defense workers

and selling it
to his old buddies

in the American
arms industry.

This is the best picture
I could find illustrating that.

Oh, I suppose there's a reason
why you can't act yourselves?

The Consulate is
a jurisdictional gray area.

If SAPO were to do
a sting operation on what
is technically American soil,

that could instigate
a diplomatic incident.

Basically, we need a third party
to do the actual stuff

so that we don't get into
any trouble ourselves.

And what's
the actual stuff?

Tomorrow, Leif is throwing
a cocktail party
at the Consulate,

and everybody that is anybody
will be there.

This is our chance.

To do what?

To give him a proposition
he can't say no to.

Courtesy of the Swedish FBI.

Hmm.

Can you believe it?
Me, Floyd,

a secret agent.
[chuckles]

This is the big league,
Sarah.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You can't fool me,
you know.

I so can fool you.
Remember last April Fool's Day?

Saying a circus is coming
to town doesn't count.

When I hear something
about a circus,

my critical thinking goes
right out the window.

-Brad's married.
-What?

-He's got a wife.
-Brad? Y-Your Brad?

When did you find out?

Yesterday.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Sarah.

Yeah, well...

Hey. You might not
feel up for this,

but do you wanna come
to a party tomorrow?

A party?

-It's not a party.
But you just said
-it was a party.

-No, it-it's a work thing.
-So, why are you taking Sarah?

I'm not taking her.

She's just coming along
as a fellow secret agent.

[gasps]

Well, why don't you ever take me
as a fellow secret agent?

-I would come to that stuff.
-I didn't know you wanted to
be a secret agent.

Well, you never asked me.
You could've asked me.
I would've done it.

I'm-I'm-I'm just
trying to cheer her up.

You know, she just found out
that Brad is married.

Wait, Brad is married?

-Yeah.
-Oh, my God!

Yeah, that's what I said.

Ugh! You know what?

That's not important
right now, okay?

You're taking somebody
who isn't your girlfriend

to the biggest party
of the year.

And that is considered
a deal-breaker
on most Web sites.

Well, I-I never said
it was the party of the year.

You didn't have to, Axel.

You didn't have to.

[lock clicks]

I'm sorry, what's
the code phrase again?

"I hear you have a passion
for rap music."

It's, uh, "I hear you have
a passion for rap music"?

If our sources
are correct, that is.

Hey, uh, you guys really are
Swedish dicks, right?

-Of course we are.
-Because according to this piece

of intel here your friend
Floyd is born in Florida.

That's Florida, U.S.A.

That can't be right.
He's Swedish for sure.

Yeah, he seemed
really Swedish.

We gotta talk to Gunilla
about this.

This is getting ridiculous,
all this bad intel.

It's embarrassing.

-Ah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-No, no, that's fine.

-Have you talked to Eve,
by any chance?
-No. Why?

If you do,
could you let her know that
you and me are not on a date?

-We're not on a date.
-You don't have to tell me that,

but, you know, Eve
can be a little sensitive
about these things.

Mm. You really care
about her, don't you?

Yeah, for sure.
I mean, she's super nice.

-A regular doll.
-[Brad] Sarah.

Hi.

Wow, you look, uh,
you look amazing.

Um, I've been crying
all night,

silently, into my pillow,
so I don't wake Sannabelle up.

-Your wife's name
is Sannabelle?
-Yeah.

That's fucked up.

I'm so ashamed of how
I treated the both of you.

Especially you.

-I mean, and her also.
-Hey, Brad.

Hi.

Wait, what's goin' on?

Nothing.

Are you sleeping
with him now?

Axel, let's go.

Wait, I thought
your name was Floyd.

-It is.
-Axel! Let's go.

-[both] Floyd.
-Whatever.

I love you, Sarah!

[Sarah]
Fuck off, Brad.

[people chattering]

Hi.

Testing, testing.

[microphone squealing]

Uh, testing, testing, guys.

Floyd, can you say
"testing, testing"
as well, please?

-[squealing]
-Something with
this equipment here.

Testing, testing.

Oh! Great.

If you look to your right,
you'll see Per.

He's on standby all night.

If you look to your left,
you'll find Agent Hernandez.

Same goes for her.

Hello.
[chuckles]

Greetings,
friends and colleagues.

It feels so great to see

so many familiar faces
here today.

And as we say in Sweden...

[speaking Swedish]

[all laughing]

[snaps fingers]

Skal.

[all] Skal.

[Leif]
Sweden is actually
the only country

in the world
who has that word.

How did you pronounce it?

-"Lagom."
-Mm.

I couldn't help
but overhear you saying
the Swedish word lagom.

Uh, did you know it means,

"Not too much, but not
too little either"?

Yes. I was just about
to tell Stephanie--

Yeah, hi! Uh, excuse me,
I don't think we've met.

My name is Hans Nilsson.

-This is my colleague--
-Nils Hansson.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Uh, anyways, uh,
maybe you have heard

about a little thing
in Sweden called fika.

It's when we have coffee,

and sometimes
with a pastry.

That is so interesting.

We also have a thing
called mellanmjolk,
which is milk that is

not too fatty, but it's
not too low-fat either.

I was just about to
tell Stephanie that.

Hmm.

Stephanie, would you care
for some appeteasers?

Oh, that sounds delicioso.

[both laughing]

I heard you have
a passion for music.

Rap music.

Are you rap lovers
as well?

-Yes.
-We love rap.

You know what?
I would love for you to listen

to some really cool
rap records

I acquired recently.

-Great.
-Mm.

Let's meet in my office
in, let's say, half an hour?

-Jackpot.
-Yeah.

Shall we?

So, um, do you know
what fikameans?

Yeah.
My dad is Swedish.

Yeah. It's when
you have, uh...

It's when you
have coffee and, uh,
and sometimes a pastry.

See, I never understood
why that's a Swedish thing.

I mean, people have
coffee and pastries
all around the world.

Yeah.
I guess.

[cell phone ring tone]

Oh, sorry.
I got to take this.

I told you to
stop calling me.

Okay, I need you to be
perfectly honest with me, Sarah.

-Are you gonna sleep
with Floyd?
-What? No.

'Cause if you do, I swear
to God I'm gonna kill myself.

-Whatever, Brad. I have to go.
-No, no, wait, wait, wait.

I told Sannabelle.

Told her what?

I told her everything.
I told her about how
I feel about you.

I... I said, "Sannabelle,
listen to this."

And then I said, "I love
this woman, and I want to

spend the rest
of my life with her."

Well, I wish you would've
told me first.

[phone beeps]

Now that you have my attention,
how can I help you?

It's a delicate
matter, sir.

What's said in this room
stays in this room.

Me and Hans work
for a company

called Fransson's
Aerosystem.

Have you heard
of our product?

Oh, yes.

The Grenade Launcher System Four
was very cool.

Right now we are working
on a revolutionary new

radar system called

Radar System Two,

which also is very cool.

[Axel]
What do you think
the blueprints

to a radar system
like that would be worth,
if we were to sell it

"under the radar,"
as it were?

One would have to
take a sneak peek

at said blueprints
to say for sure.

But if the radar system
is as cool as you say it is,

I know a lot of people
who would be very interested.

Well, then, why don't you
take a look for yourself?

Oh.

A USB?
Very cool.

I'll let you know.

Thank you.

-So, he was married,
but you didn't know?
-Yep.

Oh, my God.
That's crazy-pants!

It actually is
crazy-pants.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, see that guy
over there?

-Yeah.
-That's my friend, Axel.

Or Floyd or whatever.

-You don't know his name?
-But he is such a good friend.

-Mm. I love this song.
-Axel!

It's from my favorite,
uh, movie.

Sorry, what?

Does it surprise you
that I like, you know,
a girl movie?

-[gasps] Do you want to dance?
-Yeah, sure.

Oh, sorry.
Does what surprise me?

-Nothing.
-Okay, well...

Great.
[chuckles]

I want to ask you
something about Floyd.

Isn't it weird that
he changed his name?

Kids these days. They do
all kinds of stupid shit.

The SAPO guys said that
Floyd was born in Florida.

-Sounds like bad intel.
-Yeah. That's what I said.

You're really bad
at this.

-[chuckles] At what?
-At dancing.

Mm. Shut up.

Well, you're stepping
all over my feet.

I'm drunk,
so leave me alone. Mm.

Well, did you know
it's considered
unprofessional

for secret agents
to be drunk on the job?

Shh, shh!

You're the secret agent.
I'm just your date.

Well, don't tell Eve that.

Can I ask you a question
about you and her?

What?

-[laughing]
-What?

Nothing. I'm sorry.

I told you I'm drunk.

[cell phone ring tone]

Are you gonna
answer that?

Nope. Brad.

Oh, did I tell you
he left his wife for me?

[Axel]
Sannabelle?

That's the one.

How do you feel
about that?

Could you forgive somebody
who lied to you like that?

Be honest.

If I love the person,

maybe.

Floyd!

-We need to talk.
-About what?

[microphone feeding back]
Where are you taking me?

Wh-What--
What is this, Anders?

[squealing]

[Hans]
Where did you get this crap?

Ingmar's onto you.

-What do you mean?
-SAPO told him about Floyd.

-You're in trouble now, asshole.
-What did you say?

I cover for you!

But you better have good story
when he ask about!

Anybody?

[Axel]
Why do I listen to you?
Why do I listen?

We should've
just told him.

I'm an illegal alien.
It's not the end of the world.

Are you crazy?
You gonna be deported.

And you don't remember
who we do this for?

Huh? We can't
tell him, huh?

-Are you stupid?
-What do I tell him, then?

-You got to play the role.
-I played your role
as best as I could.

Floyd Calhoun?

In North Korea,
we play role harder
than this!

-We're not in North Korea.
-I know we not in North Korea,
you shit-face!

Do you care about Ingmar?

-I... care about him a lot.
-Then you better bring it!

It's been brung!

Oh, no.

[Sun]
Fuck, shit, fuck!

Double.

Come on.
We're outta here.

What's going on?

Axel changing his name
to Floyd Calhoun,

he didn't do it
because it sounded cool.

-He did it because
he's an illegal immigrant.
-What?

Yeah.

[Axel]
No! Hey! Wait!

Wait! Hey! Listen.

I know you're super mad at me
right now, but just listen--

You listen!
Do you understand
what you've done to me?

I can go to jail for hiring
an illegal immigrant.

-No, you-you don't understand--
-I don't want to understand.

Shut up!
Axel fuck up big time,

but you still need to finish
this mission now!

What the hell
is going on here?

This is very unprofessional,
even for the Swedish FBI.

The Consulate General
wants to meet with you now!

Okay.

This is the last thing
we do together.

Dad...

So, there you are.

They told me
you had quite a quarrel.

Slight disagreement,
but, uh, now we're back
to being friends again.

I'm happy to hear that.

So, did you by any chance
look at the blueprints?

Oh, yes, I did.

They look very good.
Very exciting blueprints.

Do we have an agreement?

Maybe we do.
Maybe we don't.

He's on to you.

Play it cool, guys.

Play it real cool.

This business

is all about
gut feeling.

You must be able to look
a man into his eye

and ask yourself,
"Do I trust him?"

Do you know what I see

when I look
into your eyes, Hans?

I see betrayal,

and I don't want to be
betrayed by my friends.

Well, there's no friends
in our business, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry
you think so, Nils.

What do you think about
this rap music?

It's pretty cool,
isn't it?

Yeah. It's very cool.
Right, Nils?

-Ah.
-Ah?

-Ah-huh.
-And you know
what I want to do

when I hear something
this dope?

I wanna dance.

Let's dance
a rap dance together.

[Hans]
He's testing you.
Don't blow this.

Dance with him.
I repeat, dance with him.

Come on, bear.

Oh, yeah.
[chuckles] That's it.

Okay, cool.

Oh, cool.
That's cool.

[Hans] Try to dance
as cool as you can.

Everything depends on it.

[Leif] Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, yeah.

[chuckling]
Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

I take a 20% finder's fee.

The blueprints is worth

between five and six
million dollars
on the market.

So, what do you think?

Do we have a deal?

We do.

[chuckles]
Great.

-Did you hear that, SAPO?
-What?

[Axel] Get him!

-Don't move! SAPO.
-No! [groans]

You're under arrest.

I knew I shouldn't have
trusted you... fools!

Tell it to the judge.

[Leif groaning]

[Leif] Oh, yes!
[groaning]

Yeah.

-What?
-The--

Great job, guys.

Here's the check.

I wanna say that
the rap dancing

you did in there
is some of the best

rap dancing
I have ever seen

throughout my years working
for the Swedish FBI.

Thanks.
That means a lot.

-Yeah. Whatever.
-Hey, uh,

I know you guys are not
the best of friends right now.

It's hard being buddies
with someone you work with.

You think me and Per
always get along?

-Hell, no.
-But we both know
that we have

too much to lose
by not being friends,
so we do whatever it takes.

Right, pal?

Whatever it takes.

Happy for you guys.

Yeah, I'm not sure
me and Ingmar

have that kind
of friendship.

Is it true?

-What?
-That you're here illegally.

I'm sorry I lied.

Why didn't you just come to me?
I'm a fuckin' lawyer, dude.

-Well, Sun told me I couldn't.
-Plausible deniability.

What-- That's not even--

-[ring tone plays]
-Never mind.

Hey, do you
wanna go and hang out
somewhere for a while?

Actually, I think
I'm gonna head to Koreatown.

What's in Koreatown?

Brad's hotel.

[Eve] Hi.

Hi. Wow.

-What's all this?
-I'm sorry for being
crazy earlier.

-Oh, no, it's fine.
-No, I know there's

nothing going on
between you and Sarah.

Oh, good. Good.

I mean, she's
way too cool for you.

Yeah. Yeah.

"Yeah?"
What do you mean, "Yeah?"
What, I'm not cool?

-No! Uh, you are the--
-[phone vibrating]

Sorry.

Hey.

You got a minute?

Yes.

Who knows?

Sun, Sarah,

that guy, Lou.

-No one else?
-No one else.

Let's keep it that way.

So, are we
still partners?

Yeah.

We're still partners.

Do you still trust me?

Ask me again tomorrow.

Come here.

Come in. Come in.
You want a vodka Red Bull
or something?

Stop.
I'm not gonna come in.

No?

[clears throat]

I've been thinking,

and I believe you
when you say that
you love me.

And I probably could
forgive you...

if I loved you too.

What are you saying?

I'm saying goodbye,
Brad.

And fuck you!

-Jane...
-Can't you see I'm busy?

No, you need to take
a look at this.

"Floyd Calhoun,

Son of Emmet
and Delilah Calhoun,

Born in Florida 1970--"

-Why am I looking at this?
-Click to the next page.

Oh, fuck me!

[chuckling]