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1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:04,372
Okay. I'm almost done with
my college application.
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,040
Arthur, I still need
your recommendation.
3
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:08,409
Got it right here.
Fresh off the typewriter.
4
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,379
You just keep coming up
with creative ways
5
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,347
to say "I'm old."
6
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,117
Um, thank you,
but how the hell
7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:18,786
am I supposed to attach this
to my application?
8
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,154
Uh, stapler.
9
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,055
It's electronic.
10
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,490
E-stapler?
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,624
RANDY:
All right.
12
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,659
Give me that.
13
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,262
(computer chimes)
14
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,198
Wow, look at that,
you got my letter!
15
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,101
It's like watching
a monkey discover
16
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,070
a cucumber can't be
peeled like a banana.
17
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,238
Franco,
where are you applying?
18
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,140
Uh, a bunch of schools
around the city.
19
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,208
But my dream
is Dearborn College.
20
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,475
They got this amazing
art program.
21
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:42,543
RANDY:
Oh, yeah.
22
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,078
That is a great school.
23
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:45,413
Very artsy.
24
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:49,383
The only play the football team
knows is Death of a Salesman.
25
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,385
Yeah, but it's not
easy to get into.
26
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,455
Hey, you better make sure you
proofread that application.
27
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,689
I did.
28
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,191
Really?
29
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,859
Oh, you made a
mistake right here.
30
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,794
You forgot to check the box
for African-American.
31
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,596
No, I didn't.
I'm not checking it.
32
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,664
Why not?
33
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,732
RANDY:
Yeah.
34
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,435
Colleges like people
from different backgrounds.
35
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,603
Why not use that
to your advantage?
36
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,572
Well, I never really thought
being black and poor
37
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,274
as an advantage, although,
38
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,277
I do get extra attention
when I walk into a store.
39
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,179
They are just trying
to level the playing field.
40
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,280
Yeah.
41
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,216
Affirmative action.
I know what it is. If I get in,
42
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,218
it'll be because of my test
scores and my portfolio.
43
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:27,621
I want to be seen as an artist,
not a black artist.
44
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,290
Good for you.
I feel the same way.
45
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,192
No handouts.
46
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,127
When my older son
applied to college,
47
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,829
I wouldn't let him identify
as anything but American.
48
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,165
Remind me, Fawz,
what was his name?
49
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,133
Abdullah Farooq
Hussein Al-Shahrani.
50
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:42,803
Look, they're just trying
to make the system fairer.
51
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,172
Look, I got nothing
against those programs,
52
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,839
but they're just not
for me. All right?
53
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,209
I don't want people thinking
I don't deserve to be there.
54
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,211
Or looking at me like,
"Oh, that's how he got in."
55
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,280
Well, if they were looking
at you, it means you got in.
56
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,548
I'm not doing it, all right?
So, listen, I got to bounce.
57
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,317
If you're gonna proof
that, send it in.
58
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,152
I got to get my portfolio ready.
59
00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,853
I'm grabbing a picture
of one of my paintings.
60
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,155
Is it in your apartment?
61
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,356
Nah. It's on the side of an L
62
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,792
that should be pulling up
at Argyle station in about...
63
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,195
ooh, three minutes.
64
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,262
I should go, too.
65
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:11,532
So, defacing public property
gets you into college.
66
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:15,236
Will I get a PhD
if I pee on a bus?
67
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,604
Franco's lucky.
68
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,239
He knows which
box to check.
69
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,373
I'd have no idea.
70
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,741
I thought you were Polish.
71
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,177
My parents are Polish.
I'm adopted.
72
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,545
Really?
Yeah.
73
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,314
I've always been so curious
about my heritage.
74
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,716
I always wanted to feel
like I'm a part of something.
75
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:29,950
I mean,
76
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,386
am I ruggedly handsome
because I'm Swedish?
77
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,688
Am I sophisticated
because I'm French?
78
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,191
Is he delusional
because he was hit by a shovel?
79
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,593
You know, Tush,
they have a DNA test
80
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,862
that can tell you
your ethnic makeup.
81
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,297
Joanie made me
do one of those.
82
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:46,467
I wasted 200 bucks
to find out I'm Jewish.
83
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,936
Oh, the irony.
84
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:51,772
I just won $200
on a scratcher.
85
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,808
The smart investor would buy
200 more scratchers.
86
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,811
But I want to find out who I am.
87
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,980
Me, too.
88
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,483
Even though I'm sure
I'm 100% Italian.
89
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,286
It's like my umbilical cord
was a string of fettuccine.
90
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,487
(laughs)
91
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,921
(grunts)
92
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,257
Did he make a mistake?
93
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,891
No, same as before.
94
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,394
He didn't put an X
next to "African-American."
95
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,663
Yeah, well, he didn't
want to check that box.
96
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,665
Yeah, well, he doesn't know
what he's talking about.
97
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,333
He'll never find out.
98
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,468
How's that work?
99
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,871
Well, if he gets in, he'll
be happy and it won't matter.
100
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,873
It definitely won't matter
if he doesn't get in.
101
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,642
So, uh, submit.
(chuckles)
102
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,311
Submit.
103
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,712
Why won't it submit?
104
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,381
You just hit "return."
105
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,283
Why? I don't want it
to return, I want it to go.
106
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:36,417
(groans)
107
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,420
Why do they call it a laptop?
It's always on a counter.
108
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,823
Arthur, unless you're practicing
your stand-up, you got to stop.
109
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,226
*
110
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,367
Bup. Randy.
111
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,269
My DNA results
are in.
112
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,437
The mystery has been cracked.
113
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,607
The genealogy
is out of the bottle.
114
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,375
So what are you, Tush?
115
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,811
I'm everything.
Russian, French, Italian.
116
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,847
Basically all of
your salad dressings.
117
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,517
Also, Indian, both kinds.
118
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:12,386
And, Arthur,
I'm four percent Jewish.
119
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:13,421
Mazel.
120
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,855
And four percent Palestinian,
121
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,359
which explains my inner turmoil.
122
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,361
Any African?
123
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,395
Ha, ha!
124
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,730
Five percent, my brother.
125
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,498
(grunts)
126
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:27,034
You got to be at least ten
percent to learn the handshake.
127
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,403
Sorry, bro,
I don't make the rules.
128
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,872
(Franco screams)
129
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:36,009
Wow. Did the nail salon
start doing bikini waxes?
130
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,611
Oh!
131
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,479
(giggles)
132
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,514
I just got accepted
at Dearborn College!
133
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,049
(others cheer)
134
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,317
Wow!
(laughs)
135
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,585
Dope, man.
136
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,320
Yeah, man!
137
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,356
(laughing)
138
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,390
All right.
139
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,725
Thank you, thank you.
140
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,394
Ah, Franco, that's fantastic.
141
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,597
Thank you, man. Yo, all that
hard work and studying paid off.
142
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,965
Man, thank you for the help.
143
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,334
Well, I wouldn't stay up
after 8:00 for just anybody.
144
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,569
Oh, wait a minute.
145
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,371
I got a bottle of champagne
in the fridge.
146
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:06,574
Uh, Arthur,
it's 9:30 in the morning.
147
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,409
Well, we'll just put
some orange juice in it.
148
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,844
Yeah, put some...
149
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,981
I am really happy for Franco.
150
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:14,915
He worked so hard for this.
151
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,551
I told you. Box checked,
he's none the wiser.
152
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:19,720
No harm, no foul.
153
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,122
Arthur, this is
covered with dust.
154
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,457
How old is it?
155
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,759
It was part of
my Y2K survival kit.
156
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:27,995
The sardines kept.
157
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,931
Let's see about the champagne.
158
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,099
Yo, that's amazing!
159
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,034
I feel like I got
into college, too.
160
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:37,638
When we move into the dorms,
make sure we get a coed one.
161
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,407
Hey, guys, what's going on?
162
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,041
I-I got into Dearborn,
my dream school.
163
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,711
Oh, my God,
that's great!
164
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,579
I know. I-I can't believe it.
165
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,081
I-I mean, Dearborn.
My-my dream school.
166
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,950
Yeah. It's unbelievable.
167
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,119
Dearborn.
His dream school.
168
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,726
I get it.
169
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,761
You're worried
it's gonna be too electric.
170
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,730
It will be if I use my Taser.
171
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,532
TUSH:
Franco,
172
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,399
what else did the e-mail say?
173
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,134
When do you start?
FRANCO: I don't know.
174
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,503
But it says I've been invited
to a reception tomorrow night
175
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,839
for something called the
Bridges to the Future program.
176
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,508
Oh, cool. I was in the
Bridges to Tomorrow program.
177
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,477
What's that?
It's what they call
the inclusivity program
178
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,546
at the University of Wisconsin.
Go Badgers!
179
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,947
Oh.
180
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,515
Now, what's an
inclusivity program?
181
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,183
Because I think
I'm gonna hate it.
182
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,685
It used to be called
"diversity."
183
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,721
Ah, yes. I hate it.
184
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:28,722
FRANCO:
Yeah.
185
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,123
It says "to introduce
non-traditional students
186
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,192
to the challenges
of university life."
187
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,694
What's "non-traditional" mean?
188
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,062
Well, for you,
it means "black."
189
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,064
How would they know that?
190
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,067
Who wants champagne?
191
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,569
(chuckles)
192
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,907
Boop!
193
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,543
This is weird. I don't
remember checking the box.
194
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,044
Well, the point
is you got in.
195
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,880
Yeah, but not the way
I wanted to. You know what?
196
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,914
I'm-a call the admissions
office real quick
197
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,015
and straighten this out.
198
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,116
Oh, you hear that, Arthur?
199
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,885
He's gonna call
the admissions office
200
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,087
and straighten this out.
201
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:06,059
Now, that's how we gonna
be drinking in college.
202
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,569
Franco's gonna find out
I checked that box.
203
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,704
What am I gonna do?
204
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,506
You got to go down there
205
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,708
and ask them to take him
out of the program.
206
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,476
That's a great idea.
207
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,611
Tell Franco I had to run out.
208
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,145
Say there was a sale
on custard guns--
209
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,515
uh, or make something up.
210
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,917
I don't know how I'm gonna
top that custard gun story.
211
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,186
By the way, mi hija.
212
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:36,790
Mis DNA resultos
are muy interesante.
213
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,895
What is happening?
214
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:45,566
Turns out, I'm a combination
of muchos ethnic backgrounds.
215
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,068
African, Irish, Middle Eastern.
216
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,904
In the future,
we're all gonna look like me.
217
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,074
The future looks bleak.
218
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,077
I also have some Spanish in me.
219
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,079
Poquito amount. Tres percente.
220
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,914
That means "three percent."
221
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,550
Hope you're ready
to have people ask you
222
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,984
where to find
the best Mexican food.
223
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,286
Ugh, white people.
224
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,890
By the way, where do you
get the best Mexican food?
225
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,158
Did you say
you were part African?
226
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:14,261
Yeah.
I bet Sweatpants would love
to hear more about that.
227
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,362
Really? Okay.
Mm-hmm.
228
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,831
I'll fill you in after
Sofia and I are done sharing...
229
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,103
Adios, mi hija.
230
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,773
All right. I left a voice mail
for the admissions office.
231
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,308
All right. I got my DNA results.
232
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,611
And?
Hundred percent Italian.
233
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,179
But here's the crazy part.
234
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,615
A distant cousin in Italy
tracked me down
235
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,283
and sent me an e-mail.
236
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,118
What'd it say, paisano?
237
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:42,756
I belong to a royal family
that ruled over Seborga.
238
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,658
I'm eighth in line
to the throne,
239
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,661
so if seven people die
400 years ago,
240
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,664
I'm a queen.
241
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,666
Oh, I have an Italian question
for you.
242
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:56,604
How does Pizza Hut get
the cheese inside the crust?
243
00:08:56,637 --> 00:09:00,708
Tush, did you tell these guys
that you're part African?
244
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:01,709
Oh, yeah.
245
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,977
Guys, we might be related.
246
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,179
FRANCO and SWEATPANTS:
No, we're not.
247
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,820
So you're saying Mr. Wicks made
a mistake on his application?
248
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,154
Well, I did.
249
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,355
I was proofreading
his application,
250
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,026
and I accidentally checked
the, uh, African-American box.
251
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:23,664
And you're his... father?
252
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:24,798
(chuckles):
No, no.
253
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,600
He sort of my, uh, partner.
254
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,168
Really?
255
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:31,605
Okay, we'll check
that box, then.
256
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:32,673
Oh, no, no, no. No.
257
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,242
I'm here to make sure
we check no boxes at all.
258
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,276
I mean, uh,
if you would
259
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,377
just change your records.
260
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,880
Franco Wicks is not black.
261
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,014
Well, good for him.
262
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,717
I mean, good for being honest,
not for being not black.
263
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,619
You know what, maybe I should
start recording this.
264
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,820
Uh...
265
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:50,390
It is amazing what you can
get in trouble for these days.
266
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,625
(knock on door)
267
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:54,094
Hey, man, sorry for barging in,
but no one was at reception.
268
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,863
There's been a
misunderstand...
269
00:09:58,799 --> 00:09:59,933
Arthur?
270
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,702
Oh, hi, Franco.
271
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:02,903
What are you doing here?
272
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,337
MATHERS:
This is Franco?
273
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,641
Franco Wicks? But you said
he's not African-American.
274
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,710
Oh, I'm not. I mean,
I-I don't want to be.
275
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,212
Ah, I mean, I don't
want to be for you.
276
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:15,215
Ah, okay. This is feeling
a little actionable.
277
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,752
Do you mind if I document this
with a couple of photos?
278
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,254
You checked the box?
279
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,756
I know. I'm sorry.
But Mr. Mathers
280
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,556
is gonna straighten
the whole thing out.
281
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:24,892
No, no, no, no.
I did not say that.
282
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,326
I did not say that.
283
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,828
Um...
284
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,830
I cannot change something
in the application.
285
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,098
I mean, what's done is done.
286
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,266
It's there in black and white--
I mean, obviously not you two.
287
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,868
Obviously not you two. Okay.
288
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:38,839
Let me just grab
one more photo.
289
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,273
Why'd you do that?
290
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,409
It's a little blurry,
but it'll hold up in court.
291
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,077
I was just trying to help.
292
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,946
I thought I was
doing you a favor.
293
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,215
Because you thought
I couldn't get in on my own.
294
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,383
No. Because these schools
are very hard to get into.
295
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,786
And it's stupid not to
take every advantage.
296
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,822
Okay, but that's
my decision, not yours.
297
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:55,923
I told you...
298
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:59,226
I told you I wanted to
get in based on my talents.
299
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,894
And now I'll never know.
300
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,730
No, you got into
your dream school.
301
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,964
It doesn't matter.
302
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,967
'Cause I'm not going.
303
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,236
(door closes)
304
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,739
I'm sorry,
just for the record,
305
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:14,775
did we decide he's not black?
306
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,884
Fawz, I've been doing
a little research,
307
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,452
and some of my Arabic roots
go back to Iraq.
308
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,455
We could be related.
309
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:29,990
(chuckles)
I don't think so.
310
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,759
Why not?
Well, because
311
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,327
for generations, my family
would cast off the weak.
312
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,329
They would leave them
on the side of the mountain
313
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:40,100
and let the wolves
take care of it.
314
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,903
In the beginning, they couldn't
sleep because of the screaming,
315
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:46,807
but eventually they
couldn't sleep without it.
316
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,843
Does that to-go order
have the full dozen?
317
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,145
Yeah. If you don't believe me,
you can just check the box.
318
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,981
'Cause I know
you like doing that.
319
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,116
Franco, I'm sorry...
320
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,851
I've apologized
over a hundred times.
321
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,152
I don't know what to do.
322
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,353
What happened?
323
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,889
Arthur checked
the "African-American" box
324
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,423
on Franco's application,
325
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,925
and now he's turning
Dearborn down.
326
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:05,826
What?
327
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,527
Why would he blow
a chance like this?
328
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,496
Sofia, maybe you can
get through to him, huh?
329
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:10,430
Why me?
330
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,432
Well, you did one of
those ethnic-inclusive
331
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,969
affirmative International
House of Pancakes thingies.
332
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,470
I don't know why
he won't listen to you.
333
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,505
You're so knowledgeable.
334
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,876
Arthur, you cannot
push this off on Sofia.
335
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,012
Well, he doesn't want to listen
to me, so you talk to him.
336
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,514
Fine.
337
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,516
Sofia, you talk to him.
338
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,455
So, I hear you're not
going to Dearborn.
339
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,024
No. No, it's cool.
340
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,391
I'm gonna go to some other
school I applied to.
341
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,259
I got a lot of options.
342
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,928
But you have this
great opportunity.
343
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:41,795
Wh-Why turn that down?
344
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,831
Look, I'm not trying
to go to some school
345
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,032
where people look
at me and think
346
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,067
the only reason I got in
is 'cause I'm black.
347
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,302
I hate to break it to you,
but some people are gonna
348
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,537
think that no matter what.
349
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,139
What, I'm supposed to be
okay with that?
350
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,874
You can't control
what people think.
351
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,175
Like when I go to Target,
352
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,277
there's always some idiot
who thinks I work there.
353
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,112
You were wearing
a red shirt!
354
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:04,084
It's like you were trying
to confuse people!
355
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,088
Franco, you know
you deserve to be there.
356
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,923
Yeah, I know.
I worked my ass off.
357
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,158
But I ain't trying
to be some mascot
358
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:15,062
who's just there to make people
feel good about themselves.
359
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,030
Franco, this is bigger than you.
360
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:19,499
Think about the high school kids
who visit Dearborn
361
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,302
and see people of color
and think,
362
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,404
"Maybe I belong here, too."
363
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,073
What, so I'm doing this
for them?
364
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,941
Yes.
365
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,043
Franco, isn't there
that reception tonight?
366
00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:31,912
Maybe you should just
go and check it out.
367
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,180
And what's the point?
368
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,916
Well, talk to people
that have done the program.
369
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,885
Make an informed decision.
370
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,953
What do you
have to lose?
371
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,454
I don't know.
372
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,023
ARTHUR: Maybe Sofia
will go with you.
373
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,925
Sure, if Arthur pays
for dinner after.
374
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,927
No booze, no tip.
375
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,330
So, uh, is this,
like, a date?
376
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,364
Yeah.
No.
377
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,499
No.
378
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,036
Franco, quick culture question:
379
00:13:56,069 --> 00:14:00,273
Who is The Man, and how do I
stop him from keeping me down?
380
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,275
Look, Tush,
381
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:05,012
I don't have time to be black
with you right now. Move.
382
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,616
Tush, I am interested
in your DNA results.
383
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,986
Specifically, when are you
gonna stop talking about them?
384
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,223
Oh. Sorry, guys.
385
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,325
I didn't mean to be
such a bother.
386
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,994
I guess I'm three percent
Pacific Islander
387
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:24,664
and, uh, about 100% annoying.
388
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,466
Poor Tush.
389
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,468
He just wants
to connect to people.
390
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,171
And we can't even pretend
to be happy for him.
391
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:35,042
I know, and faking emotion is,
like, one of my strengths.
392
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,045
And this is
so exciting for him.
393
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,114
I mean, it's not
as exciting as finding out
394
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,615
that you're a queen.
395
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,385
You're not a queen.
(scoffs)
396
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,355
If you had said that
400 years ago,
397
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,158
I'd have had you killed.
398
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,400
Okay, here we go.
399
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,669
Yeah, well, we're only
staying a couple minutes,
400
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,637
and then we're having
some dinner on Arthur.
401
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,439
Well, you better hit up
those mini quiches,
402
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,209
'cause he only
gave us ten bucks.
403
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,644
Yep, just what I expected.
404
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,281
Uptight black dudes-- check.
405
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:18,085
Asian folks only talking
to each other-- check.
406
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,087
Latino dude in a serape.
407
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,188
Relax.
408
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,056
BOTH:
We get it.
409
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,458
(chuckles)
Ooh, check that out.
410
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:28,261
A Native American lesbian
in a weird hat.
411
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,531
A lez in a fez
off the rez?
412
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,267
It's like a
diversity Dr. Seuss.
413
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,969
Oh, shrimp!
414
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,737
I don't want to
take too many.
415
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,173
That would be shellfish.
(laughs)
Oh!
416
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,208
'Cause of the...
417
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,575
Seafood in a shell.
I get it.
418
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,144
I'm Donna.
I'm Franco.
419
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,078
This is Sofia.
420
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,246
Hi. Are you two a couple?
421
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,714
What? No.
422
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,282
We just, we work
near each other.
423
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,018
I mean, that's
hilarious though.
424
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,252
But no.
425
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,255
You could have just said no.
426
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,723
Have you guys tried
this cocktail sauce?
427
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,458
It's a little spicy.
428
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,693
Either that or I'm
having a hot flash.
429
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,363
So, do you... do you
work for the school?
430
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,265
No, I just got admitted.
431
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,267
I'm one of the "Bridges
to the Future."
432
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,703
I'm also a bridge
to those cupcakes.
433
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,741
That's weird.
434
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,509
Why would she be
in the diversity program?
435
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,678
I don't know.
But you know what?
436
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,348
Just 'cause she looked white,
it doesn't mean...
Right.
437
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,216
Ooh, rosé! That's fun.
438
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,052
SOFIA and FRANCO:
She's white.
439
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:27,820
All right. Hello, everyone.
440
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,757
Dearborn College is honored
to welcome all of you.
441
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,793
This program is here
to support you older students
442
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,795
who have been out
of the educational system
443
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,130
for at least five years.
444
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,032
So grab a drink,
445
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,268
and later we'll enjoy
the chamber orchestra
446
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,736
and two students from
our Modern Dance department.
447
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:48,075
So... we'll see
what that looks like.
448
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,310
Oh, my God.
449
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,645
This program
isn't for black people,
450
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,481
it's for old people.
451
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,715
(both laugh)
452
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,384
I'm old!
453
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,752
Donna, we are old!
454
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:00,720
So old!
455
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,322
(laughs)
456
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,756
Franco Wicks.
457
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,059
I'm, uh, kind of
surprised to see you here
458
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,395
after the outburst
the other day.
459
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,330
I'm sorry, man, but, look,
I-I thought I got admitted
460
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,764
because I'm black.
No, no.
461
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,566
I looked up your file
after you left,
462
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,135
and you had a very
impressive portfolio.
463
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,270
But what actually
sealed the deal
464
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,106
was the recommendation
from your boss.
465
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,308
Arthur?
Yeah, yeah.
466
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,809
His story of your pluck
and determination
467
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,678
to overcome your obstacles,
it was... it was quite moving.
468
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,748
Yeah, man, he's kind of
obsessed with my pluck.
469
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,083
(chuckles)
470
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,452
So, that's why
you're here.
471
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,620
Plus, you're black.
472
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,755
No, I'm kidding,
I'm kidding. (laughs)
473
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,491
No, that is not
what this is about.
474
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,394
But while I have the two of you,
this feels like a photo op.
475
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,697
Donna, Chief Inez,
picture time.
476
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,698
Here we go.
477
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,400
All right.
478
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,170
Everybody say "brochure"!
479
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,804
ALL:
Brochure!
480
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,144
Hey, Arthur.
Hey, Tush.
481
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,412
I got your text.
It took me a while to read it
482
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,848
'cause I set my phone
to Portuguese.
483
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,851
I just wanted to give
you something, Tush.
484
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,886
(clears throat)
Hanukkah's coming up.
485
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,855
Thought you might want to
light the menorah with me.
486
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,823
And I'll teach you a couple
of "Baruch Atah Adonai."
487
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,825
Arthur, I would like that.
488
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,262
It would give me
such naches.
489
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,830
Look at this punim!
490
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:21,134
Pulling that Yiddish
out of his tuchas.
491
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,835
And because
you're such a paisan,
492
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,638
I brought you
some spaghetti sauce
493
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,807
made from
my grandmother's recipe.
494
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,842
She would've loved
that Italian in you,
495
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:33,746
and had some colorful things
to say about the other 96%.
496
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,649
And I bring you a basketball,
497
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,819
autographed by the 2000
Iraqi national team.
498
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,688
Wow, cool. How'd you
get the signatures?
499
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,491
Uh, they work at the
auto body shop on the corner.
500
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,926
When they didn't do so great
in the Olympics,
501
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,928
they thought it best to flee.
502
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,930
You know, we just
wanted you to know
503
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,865
that you are
a part of something.
504
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,267
You're a part of us.
505
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,702
Oh, I'm touched.
506
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,570
Oh, thank you.
507
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,605
Shalom.
508
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,607
Grazie.
509
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,343
And I think this guy
fixed my brakes.
510
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,279
Guess who decided
to go to Dearborn.
511
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,814
Hey!
Hey!
Yeah, man.
512
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,916
It turns out Bridges to
the Future is a program
513
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,784
for older students;
helps them keep their jobs
514
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,553
and go to school
at the same time.
515
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,588
That is great news, Franco.
Yeah.
516
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,324
I got in just
for being me,
517
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,759
and not because
you checked some box.
518
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,428
I know, I shouldn't
have done that. I...
No, no, no.
519
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,695
You helped a lot.
520
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,631
Mathers said you gave me
a great recommendation.
521
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:25,732
What'd you write?
522
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,967
Oh, well, I just told him
how much I respect you,
523
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,802
and how hard you've
been working, and, uh,
524
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,671
I might have mentioned
something about your pluck.
525
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,207
I knew you dropped
the "P" bomb!
(laughs)
526
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,842
Thank you, thank you,
thank you so much
527
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,943
for pushing me to do
this whole college thing.
528
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,411
I just wanted to
see you succeed.
529
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,280
I mean, you've been
working so hard at it.
530
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:44,384
Oh, speaking of hard work,
Tush, we got you Roots.
531
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,687
Oh... I love it.
Thanks, guys.
532
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,222
Hey.
No.
533
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,559
You're ready.
534
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,261
(grunting)
535
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,430
Come here.
(laughing)
536
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:58,831
Yeah. Yeah.
537
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,567
Oh.
538
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,502
Five percent, suckers!
539
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,972
We up in here now!
No...
540
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,984
Yo, a lot of interesting
classes at Dearborn.
541
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,386
Oh, what's this?
542
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,721
"Visions of
International Womanhood."
543
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:25,425
Damn, that sound like
a Luther Vandross album.
544
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:29,028
It's probably about the history
of intersectional feminism
545
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,464
as it relates to
shifting gender dynamics.
546
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,634
Wow. That's way less hot
than I thought it'd be.
547
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,539
You know, Sofia, we, uh,
never got to have that dinner
548
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,474
that Arthur was
gonna pay for.
549
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:43,443
Oh, you're right.
550
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,478
We should do something
about that.
551
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,846
Yeah?
552
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,981
Yeah.
553
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,351
Could you give this
back to Arthur?
554
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,354
Cool.
555
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:56,989
She'll be back.
556
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,858
Will she?
557
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,499
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
558
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,570
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
40357