All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S05E39 The Loan 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[theme music]

- Eastman Kodak Company
is happy to bring you

America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They like to go places.

And like most of us, they
enjoy their good times over

again in pictures.

Of course, there's no better
time for exciting pictures

than your vacation.

Be sure your camera
is close at hand.

Because you never know when
the best shots will come along.

Let some of your pictures
identify the places you went

and the things you saw.

Let others tell a story, set
the scene, show what happens,

and then how you enjoyed it.

Remember that with
new Kodacolor film,

every snapshot camera can take
beautiful color pictures too.

And for all your
vacation pictures,

you can count on dependable
Kodak film, the film

in the familiar yellow box.

And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

[music playing]

[doorbell ringing]

- Harriet, it's somebody
at the front door.

- Well, I'm putting the
dishes in the dishwasher.

David, would you get the door?

- I'm emptying the
wastebaskets, Mom.

Ricky!
- What do you want?

- Answer the door.

- I can't.

I'm in the shower.

Hey, David, get me
a towel, will you?

- I'm busy.
Hey, Mom.

Ricky needs a towel.

- Well, I'm way
down in the kitchen.

Ozzie!
- What do you want?

- Would you get Ricky a towel?

- Well, I'm busy.

- Never mind, I'll
use the bath mat.

- Would you mind
answering the door?

- I'm emptying the wastebaskets.

- I'm answering it now.

Yes, sir.
Did you ring?

- Yes, I did.

I have a package
here for Mr. Darby.

- Oh, well, the Darbys live
right across the street.

- Yes, I know.
They're not home.

- Who is it?

- Oh, it's a man with a
package for the Darbys.

- Well, they live
across the street.

- Well, yes.
He knows that.

- Well, they're not home.

- He knows that, too.

- I wish you people
would stop discussing me

as if I weren't here.

- Oh.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

- That's all right.

Would you mind taking this
package for Mr. Darby?

- I'd be glad to.

He happens to be a very
good friend of mine.

- Fine.
COD.

- COD.

How much is it?

- $10.92.

- Well, I tell you, he'll
be home about 5 o'clock.

- So will I, I hope.

- Dear, pay the man.

- Well, Harriet,
evidently, you've

never heard of the
old COD racket.

- Oh, brother.

- I saw it on television
just the other night.

A man comes to your door dressed
like a bona fide messenger,

and he has a COD package for
somebody in the neighborhood.

And the person
supposedly isn't home,

so you pay for the package,
and it turns out later

that the people never
ordered anything,

and the package is filled with
old newspapers or something.

Not that I'm suggesting this is
the case here, you understand?

- Then what's the
big hassle all about?

- Oh, hi, Mr. Henderson.

- Oh, hi there, Ricky.

- Say, could you ask
Charlie to bring my notebook

to school, Monday?

- Yeah, sure thing, Rick.

- Oh, I didn't realize--

How much is this, please?
- $10.92.

- Uh, $10.92.
- Hi, Mr. Henderson.

- Hi, David.
- Hi, uh, David--

yes.

Uh, Harriet, do you
have any money with you?

- So that's what
this is all about.

Why didn't you say so
in the first place?

Here you are.

- Thank you.

- This is my house
money, though.

Remember, I want it all back.

- Uh, 10, 10.92.

Got the exact change
there for you.

- Thank you, Mrs. Nelson.

- Bye, Mr. Anderson.

- Pop?

- Yeah?

- What's all this mess in here?

- Oh, well, I'm
mixing some tobacco.

- What for?

- Well, I can't seem to get
any more of that Queen's Taste.

They're not sending it
over from England lately.

- That's too bad.

It always smells so good.

- Yeah.

I think I have duplicated
it pretty well here, though.

Dave, would you smoke
a little of that

so I can judge the aroma?

I had the pipe all filled
when the man came to the door.

[cough]

What do you think, Dave?

- Well, it's a
little bitter, Pop.

[coughing]

- Smells like an old
blacksmith's apron.

- I think I know
what it is, Pop.

- Yeah, what?

- You put in too
many cabbage leaves.

- Thanks a lot.

- Dave, have you seen my pipe?

- Oh, yes, sir.

It's right here.

- Oh, thanks.

- Boy, I sure wish I could
get some more of that Queen's

Taste.

- Do you want to try
some of your new tobacco?

- I'll get it for you, Pop.

- Oh, thanks, Rick.

- You want me to fill your pipe?

- Oh, no thanks, son.

I'll do it.

- I'll get your match.

- Boy, this is real service.

- Here you are, Pop.

- Oh, thank you.

- Why don't you
scratch it on my pants?

- OK, fellas.

How much money do you
guys want to borrow?

- Gee, every time
we're nice to you,

it doesn't mean we
want to borrow money.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I guess I'm getting a little
suspicious in my old age.

- Well, as long as you mention
it, Pop, we could use $5.

- Kind of thought so.

- You better get
started, fellas,

if you want to go to the movies.

- Oh, yeah.

Can we have the money now, Pop?

- Oh, sure.

Oh, Harriet, could
you lend me $5?

- What, again?

But you haven't
paid me back that

$11 you borrowed for that COD.

- Well, I haven't got it.

- We'll take a check, Pop.

- David's right.

Write out a check.

- Well, I don't have
my checkbook here.

- I got it right here.

- Ricky, get a pen.

- Here's a pen, Pop.

- Uh, see that was $10.

- No, $11.

- Well, Harriet, there's
no sense in making out

a check for such an odd amount.

- All right, make it
out for $25, then.

- Don't forget our $5, Pop.

- Well, when your mother cashes
the check, she'll give you $5.

- You better make
it out for $16 then.

- $16.

Pay to the order of--

- You can make it out to cash
if you can't remember my name.

- I remember your name.

Harriet Nelson, 16, $16.

- Go ahead and sign it.

- Wait a minute, I
just got an idea.

Pardon me.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Come back here and sign this.

- Well, I won't need you.
There's a light on the Darbys.

I can take the
package over there

and get the money from him.

- Well, your father certainly
can move fast when he has to.

Ricky, put down that pen.

You can go to jail for that.

- Hello, Oz.
- Hi, Darb.

- Come on in.

- You know, I was just
thinking about you.

Have you got any more of
that wonderful tobacco,

that Queen's Taste stuff?

- Oh, come on, Darb.

You know it's all gone.

In fact, if I
remember correctly,

you came over and filled up
that tobacco pouch of yours,

and that polished it off.

- Well, it was practically
all gone anyway.

How big do you
think my pouch is?

- Well, big enough for
about three kangaroos.

And that stuff is
darn expensive.

- Yeah.

When are you going
to get some more?

- Well, I don't know.

I haven't been able to buy
any for about two months.

- Sit down.

- Oh, thanks.

Uh, the reason I came
over, this package

arrived at our house
addressed to you as COD,

and I paid for it.

- Oh, thanks, Oz.

What are you smoking
in the meantime?

- Uh, $10.92.

- What?

- Oh, oh, just some
stuff I picked up.

- I sure do love that
Queen's Taste tobacco.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, it's swell.

If I get any more in, I'll let
you have a pipe full of it.

Do you want to pay
me for this package?

- Well, how much was it?

- $10.92.

- $10.92?!

- It's nothing to
get alarmed about.

- You know, it's a
funny thing, Oz.,

I don't remember ordering
any package like that.

Say, maybe it's
the old COD racket.

- Oh, it's probably
something your wife ordered.

Why don't you ask her?

- If I do, she'll just say
go ahead and pay for it.

And frankly, Oz, I'd
rather not get involved.

- Well, it isn't a question
of getting involved.

The package came to our
house addressed to you COD,

and I've paid for it already.

- Look, Oz, do you
need the money?

- Well, no, not especially.

- All right, then.

Why don't we just
forget about it, huh?

- If you should happen to offer
to reimburse me, I'd accept it.

- What was it?

- $10.92.

- $10.92.

Let's see if we've
got it over here.

Here we are.

$0.92.

Thanks a lot, Oz.

- Oh, fine, OK, Darb.

Wait a minute.

Where is the $10?

- We're even.

- What do you mean we're even?

It was $10.92.

- Well, Oz, don't you remember
the $10 you borrowed from me

and never paid back?

- You and that poker face of
yours, you had me going there

for a minute.

Come on, give me the--

- Oz, you're not trying to
weasel out of this, are you?

- What do you--
weasel out of what?

- The $10 you owe me.

- I don't owe you $10.

- Yeah, look, Oz.

Don't you remember a few
months ago, you and I

took the wives out for dinner?

We went to that Chinese
restaurant downtown, that Ling

Chow Inn.

- I remember it vaguely.

- Vaguely?

It was your anniversary.

- Oh, well, yes, I remember.

What about it?

- Well, I remember distinctly.

You ordered the $1.75
Cantonese special,

but you substituted almond
duck for the moo goo mu pan.

And instead of the wonton,
you wanted French onion soup.

- I don't remember that at all.

- Oz, you don't remember the
cook coming out of the kitchen

brandishing that big knife?

For a minute there, I thought we
were going to be in a Tong War.

Anyhow, when the check came,
you insisted upon paying it.

Then you found out you didn't
have your wallet with you,

so I slipped you $10.

- I've got you right there.

If I had a perfectly
valid excuse

like not having
my wallet with me,

why would I insist
on paying the check?

- Well, I wondered
about that at the time.

In fact, I remember
smelling your teacup

to see if there was
really tea in it.

- It seems to me you've got
a mighty convenient memory.

- Well, fortunately
Oz, I keep track

of things like that
in my little notebook.

- Your little notebook.

- Yes, notebook.

You know, this isn't my first
experience with deadbeats.

Here we are.

Now, there's your name.

O Nelson, $10.

- Yeah, O Nelson $10.

The way I read this, it
means you owe me $10.

- No, that is "O" as an
abbreviation for Ozzie.

- Well, then why isn't
there a period after the O?

- Oh, come on now, Perry Mason.

- It all comes back to me now.

Certainly, you owe me $10.

- Well, it serves
me right for moving

into such a cheap neighborhood.

- I remember very distinctly.

I didn't want substitute
almond duck for moo goo mu pan.

You were the one who started
the trouble in the restaurant.

I had the $1.75 dinner, and
you ordered the $2.25 dinner.

And you got mad because I
got more sweet and sour pork

than you did.

- That's not so because I
don't like sweet and sour pork.

It gives me heartburn.

- It doesn't stand to reason.

If I borrowed any
money at all, I

would have borrowed
it from Harriet.

She doesn't charge
me any interest.

- Oz, you're welching on this.

- I am not welching.

You owe me $10.

Let's go right in
your book here.

- What do I owe you $10 for?

- For this package.

- You owe me $10.

- The man came to my house
with this package for you.

I paid $10 for it.

And you're not going to get the
package unless I get my $10.

- Well, I'm not
giving you any $10.

- OK, I'll take this back to
the store and get a refund.

- Go ahead.
Get your refund.

- And from now on, let's keep
our financial relationship

at an absolute minimum.

- Hey, you've got my $0.92.

- I'll deduct it from
the $10 you owe me.

- And keep off my grass.

- You mowed it
with my lawn mower.

Harriet.

[music playing]

- Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

All right.

Thank you, Joel.

I'll be with you
in just a moment.

- Yes, sir.
- Oh, Millie.

Millie.

- Yes, sir?

- Take this mess back
to the bridal shop--

white satin gown,
satin pumps, and veil.

She said she never wore it.
- Yes, sir.

- Oh, and Millie.

Don't forget to shake
the rice out of it.

- Yes, sir.

- I'd go with you, but I have
to take care of this cougher

at the window.

Can I help you, sir?

- Yes, please.

I'd like to return this package.
- All right.

What is it?

- Well, I really don't know.

- Then why do you
want to return it?

- Well, I'd like to
get my money back.

- Yes, I know that, but
what is your complaint?

- Oh, well, there
isn't any complaint.

- Then why are you returning it?

- Well, because I
didn't order it.

- Well, what is it
that you didn't order?

- Well, after all, if I
didn't order something,

how could I possibly
know what it is?

- Millie!

- What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing, nothing.

I-- I just thought I'd
let Millie handle this.

She's just back
from her vacation.

- I see.

Well, it's really quite
a simple transaction.

I'm here to return the
package and get my money back.

- And I'm here to help you.

- Well, thank you very much.

I'm glad we
understand each other.

See, I don't happen to
know what's in the package

because I didn't order
it in the first place.

But since I paid for it, I'd
like to get my money back.

- Well, why did you pay for it?

- Well, because it
was delivered to me.

See, my neighbor--

- Perhaps your wife ordered it.

- No, no.

In fact, she loaned me
the money to pay for it.

- Sir, under ordinary
circumstances,

there's a certain
amount of red tape

connected with a cash refund.

But in your case, I'm just going
to throw caution to the winds

and write you out a voucher.

All right.

Let's see now, Mr. Darby.

- No, no, I'm sorry.

My name isn't Darby.
It's Nelson.

- Then what are you doing
with Mr. Darby's package?

- Well, see, that's what I've
been trying to explain to you.

His package was left at my
house, and I paid for it.

- Oh, now I understand.

Mr. Darby wants to
return the merchandise.

- Well, no.

He doesn't even know what it is.

- But he ordered it, didn't he?

- Well, he doesn't know.

He's not sure.

- Well, why didn't
Mr. Darby open it up?

- Well, frankly because
I wouldn't let him.

- Imagine two of
them on one block.

Why wouldn't you let him?

- Well, because he's not going
to make a fool out of me.

I know what I ordered
in a Chinese restaurant.

- Millie!

- I'm afraid this is
getting kind of a silly.

Look, would you just
take the package

and credit my account
with $10.92, please?

- Yes, sir.

- The name is Ozzie Darby.

- Ozzie.

- Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Ozzie Nelson.

- Whatever you say, sir.

[music playing]

- Hey, thanks a lot, Pop.

It was sure a good dinner.
- Oh, fine.

Glad you enjoyed it, Dave.

- Well, I sure am full.

I couldn't eat another bite.

- Me either.

I haven't even got
room for my dessert.

- I'll take it.

- All right.

- I'm pretty full of myself.

- It's a wonderful treat, dear.

- Oh, well, you deserve a
vacation every once in a while.

- Say, have we ever been
to this place before?

- I think possibly yes.

- Oh, I remember.

So you're sure our
coming here tonight

didn't have anything to do
with the argument between you

and Darb?

- Oh, Harriet, how could
you say a thing like that?

- Sir?
- Oh, yes?

- I've been thinking
and thinking

about what you asked me
when you called up and made

the reservation, but
I just can't remember.

- Oh, well, thank you very much.

- Can't remember what?

- Oh, it's really not important.

May we have our check, please?

- Yes, sir.

After all, the incident
you had referenced to

was about four months ago.

And I wait on a lot of people.

- Oh, yes, I realize that.

- Some people I remember,
but some people I don't.

- Oh, yeah, well,
I just thought--

- Frankly, there's nothing
outstanding about you.

- Yes.

Oh, well, may I have
the check, please?

- I thought there was some
reason for eating out tonight.

- He couldn't help himself, Mom.

You know how the
criminal always returns

to the scene of his crime.

- Now, Dave, I never return to
the scene of any of my crimes.

- Now, let's see.

What did this young man have?

- I had the $1.15 dinner.

But I substituted my goo
gai pan for the boo yum

on the $4 dinner, and I
didn't have any wonton.

- Thank you.

And what did this
young man have?

- Well, let's see--

- Not you, him.

- Oh.

- Oh, I had the pot roast.

David Nelson, the
all-American boy.

- Look who's talking?

Eating Jell-O with chopsticks.

Ricky Nelson, boy glutton.

- Fellas.

Mrs. Nelson had the $1.75
dinner, and I had the $2.25

dinner.

Oh, and by the way,
it's a small thing,

but why did she get more sweet
and sour pork than I did?

- I don't know.

I'm very sorry, sir.

- Not that the dinners weren't
good, they were excellent.

- Thank you, sir.

- What's the matter, dear?

- This is embarrassing.

I seem to have
forgotten my wallet.

- Now, I remember you.

You forgot your
wallet the last time.

You borrowed $10
from the other man.

- Are you sure?

- Positive.

I remember thinking to myself,
imagine anybody pulling

a corny old trick like that.

[music playing]

- Hello, Nelson.

- Hello, Darb.

May I come in?

- Suit yourself.

I was just going out.

- It will only take a minute.

Uh, I was down at the Chinese
restaurant this evening,

and I want you to know I
found out that you were right,

and I was wrong.

And I owe you an apology.

- Well, I don't think
that I can accept anything

less than a full apology.

- I hereby tender
you a full apology.

Is that satisfactory?

- No.

- What else can I say?

- Well, you might say,
"Here's the $10 I owe you."

- Oh, $10 I owe you.

- I accept your nice,
crisp, green apology.

- You son of a gun.

Now, look, get an eraser
and erase that notation you

made in that notebook of yours.

- Now, wait a minute.

Why don't I just wait
until Harriet pays back

the $10 she borrowed
from my wife?

- Oh, say, there's
another thing.

About the package.

- Oh, that?

Forget about that, Oz.

You keep it.

That's for you.

- For me?

Well, Oz, I just remembered
about four months ago,

I got the Emporium to
send over to London

for 3 pounds of that
Queen's Taste tobacco

for an anniversary
present for you.

- Wait a minute.

You mean you bought that as
an anniversary present for me?

- Sure.

- Oh, gee, and the way I acted?

- Oh, forget it, forget it.

- Oh, this is terrible, Darb.

Oh, well, gee,
I'll talk to you--

- Oh, well, let me
show you to the door.

- No, no, no, no,
no, no, please.

- What?

- Let me crawl out
through the woodwork.

[music playing]

- All right, there you are.

Millie!

- I see you remember me.

- I do indeed, sir.

- Yes.

Well, I didn't come back to
return anything this time.

- Then what devilment
are you up to?

- You remember that
package I returned?

- Vividly.
- Yeah.

Well, I'd like to get it
back, if that's possible.

- I knew it.

I knew it.

Pardon me, sir.

- You see, you remember
the package wasn't

for me originally.

I just accepted
it for Mr. Darby.

- Just a moment, please.

I gather you want that tobacco?

- Well, yes, I sure do.

It's my favorite
tobacco, and I've

been trying to
get it for months.

- Hello, smoke shop?

This is Turney at Exchange.

Do you have those three cans
of tobacco, that Queen's Taste

that I sent down yesterday?

What?

Oh, fine.

Good.

Thanks.

- I take it, it's good news.

- Good news for me.

It's been sold.

[music playing]

[doorbell ringing]

- Harriet, there's
somebody at the door.

- I'm putting the dishes away.

David!

Would you answer the door?

- I'm on the telephone, Mom.

Hey, Ricky!
- What do you want?

I'm in the shower.

- You taking another shower?

- No, I'm washing my Levi's.

- I got it.

- Hello, Mr. Nelson.

It's me again.

- Yeah, hi, Mr. Henderson.

- Got a COD package here.

- Oh, well, the Darbys are home.

- It's for you.

$17.87.

- Oh, 17-- oh, this
is for Mrs. Nelson.

Pardon me.
Harriet!

- Yeah.

- There's a COD package for
you here from the Emporium.

- Will you pay for it, dear?

- Oh, where's your purse?

- Pay for it yourself.

- Didn't work, huh?

- See, it's $17.8--

- $17.87, that's right.

- $17.87.

Uh, I don't suppose you've
got change for a $20 bill.

- I've got change for a 1,000.

- Oh, hello, Mrs. Nelson.

- Did you pay for it?

- Oh, not yet.

- Well, you better get it
while the getting's good.

That's a surprise for
you, a three-pound can

of Queen's Taste.

- That's Queen's Taste in there?

- I got it down at the
smoke shop at the Emporium.

The man there said some
knucklehead had just

sent it back.

- The price of that's
supposed to be $10.92.

See, I was the knucklehead--

it's not supposed to be $17.87.

The price of this is $10.92.

- Oh, well, dear.

That was four months ago.

Things have gone up since then.
- Well, I know, Harriet--

- Look, Mr. Nelson.

If you don't mind, I've got a
few more deliveries to make.

- Well, gee, I hate to pay
$17.87 for something that

should cost--

- Hey, Oz.

I'm glad I caught you.

I got a COD package
here for you, $10.92.

- $10.92!
Certainly.

That's more like it.
You see, Harriet?

- Mr. Nelson...

- Uh, if you don't
mind, Mr. Henderson,

I don't think I'll
accept the COD package.

- Makes no difference to me.

- Oh, dear, after
all that trouble!

- Harriet, $10.92
is the right price.

I've had this stuff on
order for several months.

- Oz.
- It's $10.9--

- Pardon me, Oz.

- $10.92.

- Yeah.

10, 11.

There, keep the change
as a tip, my good man.

- Well, thank you.

Oh, boy, I've been
waiting for this stuff.

Give Darb a pipeful.

They sure pack it well.

What's this?

- Well, there's nothing in
there but old newspapers.

- Where's the tobacco?

- This is just a
gag, Oz, to get back

the $10 Harriet owes my wife
and the $0.92 you owe me.

- That isn't very funny.

- Oh, now I understand.

This is how the old
COD racket works.

[music playing]

[theme music]

- "Ozzie and Harriet"
are brought to you

by Kodak, makers of
new Verichrome Pan film

for the best black and white
snapshots that ever came out

of your camera.

This has been an ABC Television
Network film presentation.