Original subtitles

- The Norwich Pharmacal Company, famous for fine drug products,

makers of hospital-tested Pepto-Bismol,

presents America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife, Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Carney,

is played by Don DeFore.

- As you can see, the Lickety Split Potato Peeler

is not a novelty, but a small, carefully designed machine

to help you in your cooking and speed up the tedious

job of peeling potatoes.

Will you step a little closer, please?

- Let's go, huh, Mom?

- Just a minute, and stop tugging.

- The Lickety Split Potato Peeler

removes the skin from the potato with one third the waste

and in half the time required by the use of the old fashioned

paring knife.

The Lickety Split is simple and easy to operate.

I slide the potato on this small shaft

and apply a rotary movement to the handle

and the tempered steel blades do the rest.

Lickety split, the peeling is gone.

Would you care to inspect it closer?

- Let's go, Mom.

- Shh!

- You'll notice there's a little sharp point on the end

to take out the eyes.

- Take out the eyes?

- Of the potato.

- How much are they, miss?

- The price is just $1.

You'll find full instructions for assembling

it right inside the box.

- Oh, don't you have one already assembled?

- I'm sorry, madam.

They're sold only in the box.

They're very simple to put together.

Your husband can do it in a few minutes.

- Well, couldn't you sell me the one you're demonstrating?

- It really isn't difficult to assemble.

In fact, any child can do it.

- Well, it's taking a chance, but I'll risk it.

- Well, this looks like a pretty good little deal here, Mom.

- I hope it works.

The woman in the store sure peeled potatoes fast with it.

- Can we have potatoes for dinner tonight, Mom?

- OK.

Would you boys get the rest of the packages

out of the car for me?

- This is a very interesting little gadget.

- Where's the box it came in?

- Over on the sink.

Do you want me to put it together for you?

- No, dear. Leave it out on the workbench.

Your father can put it together.

- I'm sure I can do it. - Yeah, I know you can.

But he likes to fool around with those things,

so let's let him do it.

- Come on, David.

Help me with some of the packages.

- OK, OK.

- Oh, there you are.

- Oh, hello, dear.

Where have you been?

- Oh, just downtown buying a few things.

- Well, good for you.

Get anything interesting?

- Oh, lots of things.

A tablecloth, a set of curtains for the boys' room,

a potato peeler, a new pair of shoes.

Oh, wait until you see these.

- Wait a minute.

A potato peeler? You're kidding, aren't you?

- No.

A girl was selling them down at The Emporium.

It's very tricky little device.

Works beautifully.

- Well, does it peel anything besides potatoes, like grapes?

- No, really.

It's a good little gadget.

She demonstrated it right there.

I saw it work.

She peeled a potato without even touching it.

Oh, I don't doubt it.

I remember seeing Thurston in Vaudeville once years ago.

He sawed a woman in half right in front of the audience.

- You like those?

- Oh, yeah?

That's real nice.

- I think they're pretty, too.

- Tell me more about the potato peeler.

Well, it wasn't very expensive, even

if I did get stuck with it.

- Oh, the cost isn't the point, Harriet.

It's the fact that women buy things like this every day.

Junk boxes are filled with these marvelous little kitchen

helpers.

You know yourself, 99% of that stuff's never even used.

- I suppose you're right.

- You see what sells you is the way the experts demonstrate

these things.

The quick twist of the wrist.

The casual turn of the head.

The ridiculous ease with which the little gem turkey stuffer

drives home the dressing.

- It was the Lickety Split Potato Peeler

and I actually saw it peel a potato.

- Well, it was probably a special potato

that had been peeled about 20 times before that.

There are so many ways of doing those things, Harriet,

and they'll keep selling these ridiculous gadgets

as long as women are gullible enough to buy them.

- Well, it's too late now.

Just have to charge it up to $1 worth of experience.

- I can't understand it.

You usually don't fall for things like that.

- I guess I just lost my head for a minute.

Anyway, what do I know about those mechanical things?

- I know, but the name itself is so silly.

The Lickety Split Potato Peeler.

Next thing you know, you'll be buying a pretzel bender.

- I'm going to take the car and run over to mother's.

Is there anything you want from the drugstore?

- No I don't think so.

Thanks.

Oh, you better get some gas in the car.

It's kind of low.

- OK.

Oh, and Harriet.

- Yes, dear?

- The gas tank is in the back.

There's a little pipe with a cap on the end.

That's where you put the gas in.

- I know.

I saw it that time.

- What time?

- The time you bought the special lock,

forgot the combination, and had to have it filed off.

- There you are, Mrs. Nelson.

10 gallons.

- Oh, are you sure, Eddie?

The gauge hasn't moved.

- Maybe it's stuck.

Knock on the dashboard a couple of times.

- No, the needle still points to half.

- It looks to me like your gauge is broken.

- Oh, I wonder how I did that.

- Maybe you didn't.

Maybe Mr. Nelson's been working on it.

- Well, it was all right this morning.

- Well, don't worry about it.

I can pick another one up for you In a couple of days.

- That long?

- Are you in a big rush for it?

- Well, frankly, I'd like to have

a new one put in before Mr. Nelson finds out about it.

See, I've been driving the car the last couple of days.

- Oh, I see.

Say, here's an idea.

Why don't you keep the tank half full,

and that way your gauge will always be right?

- Say, that's a wonderful idea.

Ordinarily I wouldn't care.

But my mechanical aptitude is slightly in question

these days.

See, I made the mistake of buying a Lickety Split Potato

Peeler this morning. - Oh, did you buy one of those?

We have one.

It works like a charm.

- You mean it really peels potatoes?

- I wouldn't know about that.

We use it back in the shop for grinding valves.

- Thank you very much, Eddie.

Goodbye.

- OK, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, don't forget, keep that tank half full.

- OK.

- You can look through the patent records in Washington

for yourself.

I'm not asking you to take my word for it.

The Little Hotsi Totsi Gasoline Saver

is the only device known to mechanical science--

[SALESMAN CONTINUTES SALES PITCH IN THE BACKGROUND]

- What's going on there, Pop?

- Well, how about that?

It's a real, old fashioned pitch man.

Fast disappearing.

You very seldom see those guys anymore.

- ...A small fraction of the power of any gasoline.

Now what happens to the rest of that power, you might ask.

Well, you know the answer.

I know the answer.

It's wasted, friends.

Squandered through the exhaust pipes of the cars

that you are driving.

- He's a good talker.

- Sure is.

Extremely clever, too.

- I'll tell you why.

Because it was impossible.

Nature guarded this secret so carefully

that not even our great universities--

- See, it's the old PT Barnum principle: "There's

a fool born every minute."

- People really buy this stuff, huh?

- Oh, sure they do.

Just watch the expressions on the faces

of the people in the crowd.

A lot of people are pretty stupid, you know.

- And there's the answer, friends.

There's the reason why the Little Hotsi Totsi

Gasoline Saver--

- Let's move in a little closer.

- [SALESMAN CONTINUES PITCH IN BACKGROUND] Sealed within

the precision watch-like mechanism of the Hotsi Totsi,

cradled like the precious jewel that it is lies a generous

capsule of this magic metal.

It's imperishable.

It's everlasting.

It's guaranteed to last the life of your present car.

- If it's so good, why don't the big manufacturers

put them on their cars?

- Yeah.

Go ahead and ask him, Pop.

- Let him alone, Rick.

We might ruin his pitch.

- Now, folks.

Are there any questions?

- Go ahead, Pop.

- Any one at all.

- Sir? - That gentleman over there.

How many do you want, sir?

- Well, I just wanted to ask you a question.

If that thing is so good, why don't the automobile

manufacturers put them on their cars?

- Now, there's an intelligent question.

Would you mind stepping up here, young man?

- Go ahead, Pop.

- Spread out, folks.

Let the professor through.

Would you mind repeating that question?

- Well, I just thought if this gasoline saver is so good, how

come the big automobile manufacturers don't put them

on their cars?

- I'm glad you asked that question.

Here is a man with a head on his shoulders.

You're a mechanical engineer, aren't you?

- No. No.

- Probably a chemist. - No.

- Well, obviously you have native mechanical ability.

You do know machinery pretty well?

- Well, yes.

I have a fair knowledge of such things.

- Then you know that gasoline is composed

of hydrogen and carbon. - Well, yes.

Naturally.

- And you understand you've got to separate

the hydrogen from the carbon to get any power.

- Well, yes.

You've got to get that carbon out of there.

- This man has a brilliant mind.

As he's just told you, the gasoline must be separated.

The Hotsi Totsi Gas Saver splits the gasoline in two.

That's how it doubles your mileage.

Am I correct, sir? - Well, yes.

That seems to add up. It's logical.

- Now tell the folks, professor, have you ever seen me before?

- Oh, no.

- You're a complete stranger to me.

- Well, yes.

I just live a couple of blocks down the street here.

- There you are, folks. Never saw the man before.

He comes up here of his own free will to testify.

Now, professor, I know you've got to get back

to your engineering project. - Well, no--

- But just tell me this.

If the gas intake in the carburetor

is so synchronized with the air intake,

doesn't it sound logical that the combustion would

be much higher, thereby increasing

the efficiency of the piston movement resulting

in a much decreased proportion of the fuel, namely gasoline?

- Well, that sounds logical.

- And he's an engineer, folks.

- No.

- Let's put it this way, professor,

so the average layman can understand.

If you use 20 gallons of gas a week

and you're able to make the same mileage on half the gas,

how much gas do you save?

- 10 gallons. You heard him.

You heard the professor yourself.

10 gallons is saved.

Now tell the folks, have I ever seen you before?

- Oh, no.

I just live a couple of blocks down the street here.

- I still don't understand it.

How can you break gasoline?

- Sir, there's a gentleman in the crowd who doesn't quite

understand your explanation.

If you could help him out, professor.

- Well, the gasoline saver splits

the carbon and the hydrogen. I believe that was what you said,

wasn't it?

- Don't give me the credit for it.

I'm just an uneducated man.

This miraculous invention sells for only $5.

The Hotsi Totsi Miracle Gas Saver with the magic metal,

double your gasoline mileage for just $5.

That's a bargain, isn't it, professor?

- Well, it sounds pretty reasonable.

May I take a look at that, please?

- Here you are, professor.

The gas saver is factory sealed in this attractive box

with full instructions on the inside.

Install it on your car in five minutes

and then drive, drive, drive.

Watch the miles go by while the little gas gauge stays right

on the mark.

It's just like driving on air.

$5.

- Oh.

- And thank you, professor, for your scientific explanation.

- Thank you, sir.

- And tell the folks, have I ever seen you before?

- Well, no.

I just live a couple of blocks from here.

- Thank you, professor.

Who else would like the Hotsi Totsi Miracle Gas Saver?

Double your gas mileage for just $5.

This gentleman over here.

$5, sir. Thank you.

- Did you get it, Pop? - Yeah.

Right here.

- Anyone else for the Hotsi Totsi Miracle Gas Saver?

- Yeah, I think it's quite a little gadget.

- Funny name, though, isn't it?

Hotsi Totsi?

- Oh, well, that's just a trade name.

Like Standard Oil or General Motors.

It's funny every once in a while,

you'll find some scientific discovery hidden away

in an obscure corner like this, unknown to the rest

of the world.

- Put it on just as soon as we get home, huh, Pop?

- Oh, sure.

- Won't Mom be surprised.

- Oh, wait a minute.

Rick, maybe we'd better not tell your mother right away.

Let's keep it as a surprise, huh?

- Yeah, she'll be driving the car

and won't be using any gasoline.

She won't be able to figure it out.

- Yeah, I can hear your mother now.

"I can't understand it, we've been driving all day

and we haven't used any gasoline.

There must be something wrong with the gauge."

- Oh, have you got the--

Have you got it? - I took it out of the box, Pop.

It's in the garage. You going to install it now?

- Yeah.

Will you get the hood of the car up?

And I'll get the Hotsi Totsi.

- Let's see.

"Holding the Hotsi Totsi Gasoline Saver at a 45 degree

angle to the gas intake, place the inner spring valve

in close juxtaposition to the upper wing nut."

"Line up compressor with the air intake

and attach to carburetor."

That sounds easy.

Let's see now.

Which one is the carburetor?

- Ozzie!

- Oh, would you see what your mother wants?

- Just a minute, Mom.

Do you need any help here, Pop?

- No, thanks.

- Oh, is that Scotch Tape you've got there?

- Yes, sir.

- Thanks.

That might come in handy. - Dinner!

- I'll be right there.

- Carburetor.

Hmm.

[electrical sparks]

- Could have sworn that was the carburetor.

- Hi, Harriet.

- Hi, Thorny.

- Oz around?

- Oh, he's outside somewhere.

Tell me, do I have a worried look on my face?

- Well, not that I can see. Why?

What happened?

- Well, it's a silly thing, I suppose.

- Something happened to the gas gauge on the car

while I was driving it and I didn't tell Oz about it.

I think my conscience is bothering me.

- Well, why tell him?

Does the gauge say empty?

- No, it registers about half full.

- Well, that's no problem.

Just keep gas in the tank, he'll never know the difference.

Besides, if you tell him, you know what'll happen.

You'll never hear the last of it.

He'll be talking about this from now on.

It's like the time Catherine dented the fender on our car.

Now, it really wasn't her fault, but she made the mistake

of telling me about it and--

No, that's the wrong story.

- Well, hi, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

What have you been doing, making mud pies again?

- Installing a little gadget in our car.

- I thought you might have been drilling

for oil with your nose.

- Thorny, I've discovered a little invention

that may conceivably revolutionize

the entire automotive industry.

- Speaking of inventions, I saw the darndest thing

this morning.

Why, some people will buy anything.

- If this is leading up to a potato peeler,

the door is right over there.

- Now, wait a minute.

Don't tell me your wife bought a potato peeler, too?

- No, no.

I didn't say anything about a potato peeler.

This guy was selling gasoline savers, The Hotsi Totsi

Gasoline Saver.

- Harriet, we'll see you a little later, dear.

- What's the matter?

- Well, Harriet is kind of busy in there, Thorny.

- Let me finish what I was telling you.

Oz, you should have seen this crowd.

A bunch of silly oafs standing around with their mouths open.

And the ridiculous line he was handing out!

Well, nobody with an ounce of intelligence would believe it.

- Sometimes those guys have some pretty good things to say.

- Well, I know, Oz, but after all, The Hotsi Totsi Gasoline

Saver.

The name itself sounds like a gag.

People were actually buying those things

at five bucks a throw.

He had 'em hypnotized.

- Oh, well, if they were hypnotized,

no wonder they were buying it.

- How could anybody believe that a little gadget

could make your car run on half the gasoline?

- Well, see, the air intake is synchronized

with the gas intake.

Thorny, I'm sorry, I have to go upstairs to get dressed.

- Oh, wait a minute, Oz.

If that thing's so good, why don't the big automobile

manufacturers put them on their cars?

- Now, that's a very intelligent question.

- Why, certainly.

It's the first thing you think of.

- Yeah.

Well, I guess I better be running along.

Catherine is waiting for me.

- See ya.

- Is anything wrong with the car, dear?

- Oh, no, no.

It's OK.

It's just a kind of a small thing.

- Oh, I told Mr. Crowder we'd go out to his farm this afternoon

and pick up those apples he promises.

We better get started pretty soon.

- Oh, well, gee.

That's kind of a long trip.

See, I'm not too sure of the car.

- I thought you said there wasn't anything wrong with it.

- Well, there isn't really.

I could take it off.

- Take what off?

- Don't worry about it, dear.

You get ready.

I'll be up in just a minute and get cleaned up.

- Well, OK.

Don't be too long now.

- No, I won't.

Gosh darned Thornberry.

- And how about that?

The motor runs fine.

- What did you expect it to do?

- Oh, well I thought that was kind of interesting.

- I'll tell you something else that's interesting.

If you put it in reverse, we can back out of the driveway.

No

- I don't mean to be curious, dear, but why

are you sitting there smiling?

- Oh, just the way the car is running.

Nice and smooth.

We've gone nearly 30 miles and the gas gauge

hasn't even moved.

- It's still too early to be sure,

but I may have some rather surprising news for you.

- If you don't stop and put some gas in the tank, dear,

I may have some surprising news for you, too.

- Nearly 50 miles, we're almost home.

We still haven't used any gas.

Take a look at the gauge. it's right

where it was when we started.

- Do me a favor, let's get some gas, huh?

- Harriet, I have a little secret for you.

- What?

- Well, I wasn't going to tell you, but now I'm sure.

- Sure of what?

- Well, take a good look at the gas gauge.

- I haven't been able to take my eyes off of it.

- We started and it's at half full now.

- I was afraid you'd find out.

- The trouble with people nowadays

is they have no confidence.

- Well, I was going to tell you, but Thorny--

- The gas gauge was at half full.

We've been driving for hours and it's still half full.

You know what that means?

- I didn't mean to bust it, honestly.

- All because of a little gadget that costs $5, The Hotsi Totsi

Gasoline Saver.

- What?

- I didn't want to mention it because you'd laugh.

People always laugh at any new invention.

- Ozzie. - They laughed at Fulton.

- Ozzie.

- They laughed at the Wright brothers.

- Ozzie.

- What is it, dear?

- I'm not laughing.

- Harriet, you don't understand.

A thing like this can be exploited.

Some go-getter gets behind this gadget

and he can make millions.

- Ozzie.

- What is it?

- The gas gauge is broken.

- The gas gauge is broken?

Are you sure?

- Take my word for it, dear.

It's stuck at half full.

If you don't want to do some walking,

you better pull into the gas station.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Nelson?

- Hello, Dick. Hey, fill her up, please.

- Yes, sir.

- Can you make it from there?

- Oh, that's fine.

Plenty of room.

- Harriet, I bet that pitch man didn't even have a license.

Hotsi Totsi.

- I'm sorry, dear.

I should have told you about the gas gauge.

- Oh, it's my own fault. I don't see how I could be such a fool.

If this thing was any good, wouldn't the big manufacturers

put them on their cars?

- She only took four gallons.

- Four gallons?

Harriet, did you hear that?

The gasoline gauge said half full when we started,

we drove for hours and it only took four gallons.

- Well? - Well, don't you see?

It really works.

The Hotsi Totsi Gasoline Saver really works.

- Hey, Oz.

- Thorny.

What are you doing here?

- I ran out of gas about two miles down the road.

- Hi, Thorny.

- Well, I hate to laugh, old boy, but it's your own fault.

What you need is a Hotsi Totsi Gasoline Saver.

- Oz.

- I really mean it.

That little gadget you were kidding me about really works.

Harriet and I have been driving around all afternoon

and we haven't used any gasoline at all.

- You know why my tank is empty?

- Well, sure.

Because you don't own a Hotsi Totsi.

- No, because I siphoned off my gas into your car.

- What did you do that for?

- Well, first, Harriet told me about the broken gas gauge

and I wanted to help her out.

Second, I thought it would be a good gag to get even with you,

you dog.

- Me?

What did I do?

- Oz, I bought a Hotsi Totsi Gas Saver myself.

- What's that got to do with me?

- Oz, I was at the corner at the same time.

It was your unsolicited testimonial

that fooled me, professor.

- You want me to get you a can of gasoline, Mr. Thornberry?

- Oh, Dick, before you do that, would you

mind taking this Hotsi Totsi thing off my carburetor,

please? - Sure.

- I'll drive you down to your car, Thorny.

Where's it parked?

- About two miles down the road.

It's all uphill coming this way.

- I never did see one like this before.

- Let me see. - Why?

What's the matter with it?

- They usually attach them to the carburetor.

You've got this taped onto to the headlight wires.

- Tell me somthing.

Has either one of you guys ever seen a Little Hotsi Totsi Gas

Saver face to face?

- Well, why do you ask?

- Because that beautiful piece of machinery

you have taped to the headlight wires is my Lickety Split

Potato Peeler.

- How could I get a potato peeler mixed up

with a gasoline saver?

Oh, that isn't what's worrying me.

Here I've been trying to peel potatoes all afternoon

without my driver's license.

- Hey, Pop!

- OK, Rick. I'll be right there.

I just want to get another cup of coffee.

- You're going to take Rick downtown with you?

- Yeah, he wants to buy something.

- You sure it wouldn't be better if he went down there alone?

- Just what do you mean by that?

- Nothing.

I just wouldn't want him to be influenced by your judgment

and fall for some smooth sales talk.

There's no telling what he might come home with.

- Oh, you're the one who bought the Lickety Split Potato

Peeler.

- Well, you were the one who bought The Little Hotsi Totsi

Gasoline Saver.

- Well, and I still say it might have worked if we'd

have given it a fair chance.

- Oh, well, if it's so good, why don't the big automobile

manufacturers put them on their cars?

- You know, come to think of it, that guy never

did answer that question.

I'll have to ask him again next time I see him.

Next time I see him, who am I kidding?

He's probably skipped town by now.

- No, he was down there this morning.

He's still operating on the same corner.

- Well, are you sure?

- Yeah, I saw him.

- Oh.

[car horn beeps] OK, Rick.

I'll be right there.

Bye.

- Bye.

Don't buy any more Hotsi Totsis.

- Step right up, folks, and see a demonstration

of the greatest potato peeler in our modern age.

You've read about it in the newspapers.

- Pop, that's the same man we saw yesterday.

- Don't miss out on this opportunity--

- Yeah.

- To be one of the first in your neighborhood

to own one of these wonderful little--

- Say, I've got to talk to him. - It's new.

It's modern. It's unique.

You owe it to yourself, ladies, to try the Hotsi Totsi Potato

Peeler.

- Yes, sir.

How many do you want?

- Well, I don't want any.

I bought a Hotsi Totsi Gasoline Saver from you yesterday.

- Sorry, bud.

No refunds.

- No, no, no.

I don't want a refund.

I just want to know why you're not selling the gasoline

savers anymore.

- I am.

- What?

- A lady was by this morning and told me

it worked much better as a potato peeler.

[electrical zap]

[jingle music]

JINGLE: Every day is a holiday with Hotpoint.

- I'm Happy Hotpoint here to remind you

that next week your Hotpoint dealer will bring you

the Nelsons--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

- You ought to see the Hotpoint All-Electric Kitchens.

- And laundries, too, in colors.

- Your Hotpoint dealer will be glad to show them to you.

- Believe me.

Every day is a holiday with Hotpoint.

- Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

has been brought to you by the Norwich Pharmacal Company,

famous for fine drug products, makers of hospital-tested

Pepto-Bismol, America's leading remedy for the relief of upset

stomach.

[theme music]

- How can we make America a better place to live?

First, clean up our slums.

Second, keep up our own homes.

To find out how you can help, write

to ACTION for a free booklet.

That's ACTION, Box 20, Radio City Station, New York 20,

New York.

- This has been an ABC Television Network

presentation.