Original subtitles

- Hi, there.

I'm Ozzie Nelson.

- And I'm Harriet.

- Uh, that figures.

Harriet and the boys and I would like to take this opportunity

to welcome our new co-sponsors.

Our show tonight will be brought to you

by Aunt Jemima pancake mix.

- We all want you to know how happy and proud

we are to welcome them to our show.

- As an old pancake eater from way back, believe me,

you just can't beat Aunt Jemima.

- And now, Aunt Jemima pancake mix

presents America's favorite family comedy, "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet," starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

with Don DeFore as "Thorny."

- Oh, Ozzie taste this and tell me how you like it.

- Oh, uh, you look beautiful today, dear.

- Come on, now.

Taste this and tell me how you like it.

Well?

- Well--

- How do you like that cherry flavor?

- Oh, it's-- it's very good.

- It's apricot.

- Well, uh, uh, maybe so, but it has a slight cherry overtone.

- Now, what is a slight cherry overtone?

- Well, uh, that's uh, apricot when it tastes like cherry.

- Well, do you like it or don't you?

- Uh, well, frankly, dear--

- That's all I wanted to know.

- No, no, it's--

it's delicious.

It's just that it's, uh--

Well, uh--

- Yeah, I can read between the uhs.

- No, no.

It's very good.

It's just that it seems a shame to go to all this trouble

to make jam when you can buy it at the store,

and it's so much better.

But, uh, I mean it's so much easier to uh--

- Well, my mother gave me this recipe.

- Well, the recipe is fine.

It's just the jam is no good.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

What I meant to say is that the jam is no good,

but the recipe is fine.

No, no, wait a minute.

I didn't say that.

- Well, then who did?

- The point I'm trying to make is

why knock yourself out making this jam at home, when you can

just go down to the store and buy it,

and it tastes fine down there.

- In other words, you hate my jam.

- Well-- - Hi, Mom.

Hi, Pop.

- Oh, hi, son.

Hey, I'm glad to see you.

- Rick, come here and taste this and tell me how you like it.

- Oh, pleasure.

- That's my boy.

Now, how do you like it?

- Well--

- Like father, like son.

- Hey, Mom, a bunch of guys are coming over this afternoon.

Do we have any ice cream? - Well, I don't know, dear.

Look in the refrigerator and see.

- Nope, there isn't any here. [bells ringing]

- Oh, wait, there's the ice cream man.

I'll get some for you. - Oh, thanks, Pop.

- Hi.

Good morning, Joe.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Nelson.

- How many flavors you got today?

- Eh, 24.

But you'll take chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry.

- Yeah, I guess they are the old standbys, aren't they?

- It's like painting a house, Mr. Nelson.

You get a painter and drive him crazy,

mixing all kinds of colors, and you wind up with a white house

and green shutters anyhow.

- That's the way it goes.

I think I'll have a half gallon of vanilla

and a half gallon of chocolate. - Right.

This is real homemade stuff, you know?

- Oh, come now.

It's not homemade.

- Well, it sure is.

It's made by our chief chemist, Charlie Home.

- That's pretty good, there.

- Usually gets a laugh.

Not that it doesn't taste like homemade ice cream.

- Oh, come on, Joe.

Nothing tastes like homemade ice cream

except homemade ice cream.

- This does.

- Oh, now.

Come now.

You mean to say you're going to compare homemade ice

cream with that stuff you sell, full of those chunks of ice

and little pieces of cardboard?

- If that's what you think of our ice cream,

why do you buy it?

- Well--

- You're always out here waiting for me.

- Well, yes. I know.

- I don't go in a house and drag you out, you know.

- Sure not.

I just said your ice cream isn't as good as homemade ice cream.

That's all.

- Well, then why don't you make your own ice cream?

- Well, I could.

- Go ahead.

- Well, I-- I will one of these days.

But right now, give me my chocolate and vanilla.

- I will not.

I don't want to sell you anything you don't like.

If you ain't a happy customer, you ain't a satisfied customer.

Good day, Mr. Nelson.

Happy crankin'.

- If that's the way you feel about it,

you come back in about two hours,

and I'll show you a homemade ice cream better

than that stuff you sell.

- Where's the ice cream, Pop?

- Oh, well, I changed my mind.

I decided not to buy any.

- Needed some money, I could have loaned you some?

- Don't do it, Pop.

He charges too much interest--

28% a day.

- That's illegal.

- It doesn't matter. I'm a minor.

Gee, what are we going to do about ice cream?

I've got a whole bunch of guys coming over.

- What's this about the ice cream?

- Pop didn't get it.

- Why not?

- Oh, well, listen, I changed my mind.

While I was talking to the ice cream man out there, I--

I suddenly got a wonderful idea.

- What, are you going to treat us all the movies?

- No, no, nothing like that.

I-- I'm going to make some homemade ice cream.

You know we've got that old freezer out in the garage.

Wait, wait Rick, wait a minute.

Where are you going son?

- Well, I'm going to call my friends

and tell them not to come over.

- No, no, come over here.

Have any of you ever tasted any homemade ice cream?

- No, but we've tasted homemade jam.

- I'm beginning to get a persecution complex.

Tell me one thing, how is it you can be against my making jam

at home, but it's all right for you to make ice cream?

- Well, that's entirely different.

You can buy jam at the store, but you

can't buy homemade ice cream.

Uh, where's the cookbook?

- Won't that be taking an awful chance?

- Are you kidding, son?

This will make you the most popular guy

in the neighborhood.

- Couldn't he just learn to play the piano or something?

- Honestly, fellas, there's nothing like good old

fashioned homemade ice cream.

- Here's the cookbook.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Oh, icing, icebox cake, ice cream.

There we are.

Well, a lot of flavors here.

Uh, what kind would you like me to make?

- Pepto-Bismol.

- How about vanilla?

That's always pretty safe.

Let's see.

We need some rock salt.

- I think we got some of that in the basement, Pop.

I'll get it. - All right.

Thanks, Dave.

Need some cream.

- I'll get that, Pop.

- All right.

And, uh-- Let's see.

The freezer's out in the garage.

I'll get that.

See, Harriet, this is getting to be a regular family project.

- Yes, it is. I'll get the mop.

Well, the kitchen's all ready for you, chef boy.

- Oh, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

Hey, how'd you get those newspapers up on the ceiling?

- Scotch tape.

I see you've got a partner in crime.

- Yeah. - Yes, sir.

When old Oz mentioned homemade ice cream,

that was enough for me.

- Well, there's the cookbook and everything you'll need.

If you want me, you'll find me cringing in the cellar.

- OK, Oz. Let's go to work.

What's the first step? - I don't know.

Let's look at the book.

- Oh, you sure slopped a lot in the drain board.

- Uh, would you get that dishcloth and kind

of mop up around here, please?

- What would you do without me?

- Hey!

Well, then don't squeeze that in there.

- Well, I don't want to waste any of this good stuff.

- You're kidding, of course.

I guess the next thing is the pour it in the freezer

and put the ice in.

Where's the freezer?

- You left it on the table.

Oz, I've been trying to figure this thing out.

Now, you put the ice cream into the can

on the inside and the ice and the outside?

Or do you put the ice cream on the outside

and the ice on the inside?

- Uh, well, let's figure it out logically.

- Well, I think the ice goes into the can on the inside.

Otherwise, it would melt too fast.

- No, I-- I'm sure the ice cream goes in here and the ice around

the outside. - OK.

You're the brain. Pour it.

Wait a minute.

It sure is lumpy.

- There's a spoon in the bottom there.

Would you fish it out?

How's it taste?

- Oz, it's real good.

- Stand back here.

- OK.

Get the ice.

Look out what you're doing, will you?

A walking example of the old adage,

"If you want anything done right, do it yourself."

- Oh, really, Oz.

- The salt, please.

That's enough.

It's lucky I'm mechanically inclined.

OK.

Now, all we have to do is crank it.

- All we have to do is crank it?

- Well, yes.

You're making the ice cream with me, aren't you?

- Oz, I refer you to your statement of a moment ago.

If you want a thing done right, do it yourself.

Take care, Oz.

- Well, now--

- Thorny!

Thorny!

Hey, Thorny!

Harriet!

Harriet!

David!

Dave!

- Oh, hi, Pop.

- Oh, hi, son.

- How's the ice cream coming along?

- Oh, pretty well, thanks.

You know, there's quite a knack to cranking an ice cream

freezer.

Some people go too fast and other people go too slowly.

You've got to get just the right cadence.

[humming]

- It's almost like a musical beat.

[humming]

- It'll be a lot lot fun.

[humming]

- It's-- it's-- it's funny some people get the knack right

away, and some people just never get the hang of it.

It's sort of a rhythm.

I might let you try it if you thought

you could get the hang of it.

- You just reminded me of something, Pop.

I got to take my copy of "Tom Sawyer" back to the library.

It's out here.

- Well, uh--

Thorny!

Thorny!

- Dear, I need some more jelly jars.

Are there any more out in the garage?

- Oh, I-- I don't know.

- How's Ozzie's frosty folly coming along?

- Oh, yeah.

Pretty good.

Oh, uh, uh, say how would you-- - Sorry, dear.

I don't want to ruin my pitching arm.

- Thorny!

Thorny!

Thorny!

Thorny!

- Put them on the shelf, dear.

I have to put the paraffin on them.

- Where's Pop?

- Oh, he's stretched out on the grass under the tree.

- Sound asleep, huh?

- Yeah.

I guess he's all cranked out.

- Wonder how the ice cream is.

- I've been wondering that too.

Let's open it up and find out.

- Oh, it has kind of an unhealthy pallor, hasn't it?

- Yeah, kind of like old shaving cream.

I'll try it first.

Age before beauty.

- Well, I must admit, I admire your courage.

Here's a spoon.

- How is it, Dave?

- Here.

You try it, Mom.

- Hmm.

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

- What flavor is this supposed to be?

- Well, my guess is vanilla.

- Doesn't taste like it.

- Well, there's the cap to the vanilla bottle floating

between those two lumps.

- Oh, how's the ice cream? - Oh, here, Rick.

You taste it.

- It ain't great.

- It isn't great.

- You ain't kiddin'.

How am I going to feed this stuff to my friends?

- Yeah, it is pretty bad even for those monsters.

- Come on.

- Oh, come on, fellas.

Cut it out.

What are we going to do about this ice cream?

- We'll just have to go down the market and buy some.

- Oh, Pop isn't going to like this.

- Not if he tastes it.

- No, I mean, he won't like us to buy store ice

cream after he's gone to all the trouble to make this.

- He did put a lot of hard work in.

- Mom, how would it be if we bought the ice cream,

dump this stuff out, and put the good stuff in?

- Yeah, Pop wouldn't know the difference,

and everybody'd be happy, especially me.

- Oh, no.

That wouldn't be fair, fellas.

Let's try it again.

Maybe it'll taste better.

Dave, back out the car.

- Here it is, Mom.

Gallon of vanilla.

- Oh, that's fine, dear.

- I'll carry it.

- Hey, look who just came in!

Pop!

- Oh.

Oh, you boys take the ice cream and head up the bakery aisle

and cut through the canned soups,

and I'll head him off here at the bread department.

Well, I have to say it's fancy meeting you here.

- What are you doing here?

- Oh, well, this is a market, and I'm doing my marketing.

What are you doing here?

- Well, I woke up, and I discovered

that you and the boys had gone someplace,

so I figured I'd take a little walk.

So I got in the car and came down here.

- What are you going to buy?

- Oh, uh, uh, what are you going to buy?

- Oh, well, it's been nice seeing you, dear.

I'll see you at home.

- I hate to say this, dear, but sometimes

what you say doesn't make any sense at all.

- Well, I hope not.

I'll see you at home, dear.

- I hope not?

What kind of an answer is that?

- It's all done, Mom.

I put the stuff we bought in the ice cream freezer here.

- Oh, that's fine.

What did you do with your father's ice cream?

- Oh, Ricky dumped it in a big bowl

and put it in refrigerator.

- Oh.

Oh, dear.

He's sure to see it here and figure out what we've done.

I know.

Let's put Pop's ice cream in the store container.

- That sounds like a good idea.

- Hi, Oz, old pal, old friend, old buddy.

- If you think you're going to get some of this ice cream,

you've got another thing coming.

You didn't help with the cranking,

so you're not going to get any ice cream.

- You tasted it yet?

- No, I was just going to.

- Mind if I watch?

- No.

That's delicious!

- Yeah.

It looks pretty good.

- Would you like to try a little?

- OK, Oz, remember you forced me.

Hey, that is delicious.

- Why don't we get a couple of bowls

and put this to a fair test?

Care for another bowl, Thorny?

- Oh, no thanks, Oz.

I sure got to hand it to you.

It's terrific.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Hey, it's all gone.

- Well, I guess we tasted it all the way.

- This is awful.

I made this for the kids.

- Well, we had to try it out see if it's

all right for them to eat.

- Well, I know, but we ate it all.

Oh, gee.

I feel awful.

- Well, naturally.

You're stuffed.

- Oh, I mean, what are the poor kids going to do for ice cream?

- Why don't you just use the ice cream Harriet bought?

- Harriet?

- Well, I saw David take a gallon container in the house

a little while ago.

- You're kidding.

Well, how do you like this?

So that's what Harriet was doing down at the market--

buying ice cream.

She had no confidence in me.

- Oz, why don't we put the stuff in the freezer?

The kids will never know the difference.

They'll think it's your homemade ice cream.

- Oh, Thorny, I don't want to practice deception.

- Oz, old boy, you're well past the practice stage.

- Well, I just looked in on Ricky and his friends

in the den there, and they seem to be having a good time.

- Oh, that's good.

- Oh, I see the ice cream freezer is practically empty.

- Yes, the boys really seem to like it.

- Uh, did you taste any of my ice cream?

- Yes, I did.

- Uh, did you notice its distinctive flavor?

- Yeah, I sure did.

- I have news for you.

The ice cream in the freezer here isn't mine.

- Yes, I know, dear.

- Well, who told you?

Thorny?

- No, while you were taking that little nap, the boys and I

tasted it.

And you remember what you said about my jam?

- Yeah.

- That goes double for your homemade ice cream.

- Now, wait a minute.

I taste it myself, and it was delicious.

- Of course, what you tasted was the ice cream

I bought at the market.

We switched.

- Well, what did you do with the ice cream I made?

- I put it in the store container

and put it in the refrigerator.

- Just a second.

I took that ice cream from the refrigerator

and put it back here in the freezer.

- You mean the ice cream the boys are eating

is your homemade ice cream?

- That's right.

- Can we have some more ice cream, Pop?

- Oh, all right, fellas.

Here, take the freezer.

- Yeah.

- Oh, so my ice cream wasn't any good, eh?

- Well--

- Well, you saw them come back for seconds.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

- Hey, that's it!

They think it's pudding.

- They know it's homemade ice cream.

My good old fashioned homemade ice--

Oh, more ice cream, Rick?

- No, sir, some more jam. - Hey, wait.

Did you mean my homemade jam? - Yes, ma'am.

It kills the taste of the ice cream.

- Well, dear.

That's your homemade ice cream out there,

but it's my jam they like.

The same jam you said was so awful.

- Well, uh, not exactly.

- What do you mean?

- Well, while you and the boys were down at the market,

I woke up, and I came in the house

and tasted some of your homemade jam.

And uh, well, all I could say was--

as a matter of fact, I couldn't say anything.

My jaws were stuck together.

So I went down to the market--

- You mean you bought some jam at the market

and put it in my jars?

- Well, yeah.

- That's a pretty sneaky, low-down trick.

- Well, what about you're switching my ice cream?

- I did it as a matter of public health.

- That's exactly why I switched your jam.

- I'll make a deal with you.

If you won't make any more homemade ice cream,

I won't make any more jam.

- If I could raise my arm, I'd shake hands with you.

- What are you thinking about?

- Oh, I was just thinking about when I was

a boy back in Ridgefield Park.

We used to have this ice cream store back there, Reed

and Coop.

They used to make their own ice cream.

This real rich chocolate ice cream, and this creamy vanilla,

and this fresh peach that was their specialty.

They used to have this fresh peach ice

cream with all these big hunks of peaches through it.

What time is it?

- No, it's too late.

The drugstore has been closed for an hour.

- You know, I haven't given up on making this homemade ice

cream.

I'm going to try that again.

- Not tonight.

- No, not tonight.

But I sure would like some ice cream right now.

- What was that?

- Oh, your father's lying here drooling for some ice cream.

- Uh, homemade ice cream?

- Oh, please, Dave.

- Chocolate, perhaps?

- Stop torturing your old dad.

- Bring it on, Rick.

- What's this?

- Here you are, folks.

Delicious homemade chocolate ice cream courtesy

of David and Ricky Nelson.

- Well--

[music playing]

- Every day is a holiday with Hotpoint.

- I'm Happy Hotpoint.

Here to remind you that next week your Hotpoint dealer

will bring you the Nelsons--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

- You ought to see the Hotpoint all electric kitchens.

- Yeah, and laundries, too.

In color.

- Your Hotpoint dealer will be glad to show them to you.

- Believe me, every day is a holiday with Hotpoint.

- Joe the Ice Cream Man was played by Jesse White.

This is Verne Smith speaking.

[music playing]

- Before we say good night, I'd like

to call your attention to the current issue of "American

Magazine" now on the newsstands.

There's a real nice story about us Nelsons in it

and also some wonderful informal color pictures taken

around our house.

We hope you'll buy a copy.

- This has been an ABC Television Network

presentation.