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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,625 --> 00:00:04,168 I just wanna be clear that I'm here is a last resort. 2 00:00:04,591 --> 00:00:05,669 I understand. 3 00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:08,766 I don't have a lot of faith in psychiatry as a science. 4 00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:12,028 I think some of the drugs you're pushing are interesting. 5 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:17,328 And I'm all for messing around with brain chemistry. 6 00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:20,449 I mean, that's all I got from high school. 7 00:00:22,665 --> 00:00:23,992 But, in my experience, 8 00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:28,618 popping pills doesn't relieve social anxiety quite as well as say... 9 00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:30,463 bourbon and Marvin Gaye. 10 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:32,693 Now I get it. 11 00:00:32,770 --> 00:00:34,932 You're desperate and I'm full of hooey. 12 00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,933 So in the worlds of Marvin Gaye, 13 00:00:39,743 --> 00:00:40,887 what's going on? 14 00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:44,152 Everything I say is confidential, right? 15 00:00:44,271 --> 00:00:45,502 Whatever you say 16 00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:46,935 stays in this room. 17 00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:48,266 Kinda like Vegas. 18 00:00:48,989 --> 00:00:52,298 Well, if you except there's no way you're leaving here with more money than 19 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,327 when you came in. 20 00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:56,670 Yeah, like Vegas. 21 00:00:59,383 --> 00:01:00,075 Anyway, 22 00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:03,340 last night I'm out with my stupid lame-ass brother. 23 00:01:03,492 --> 00:01:06,642 Sounds like you've got some anger towards him. 24 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,219 Oh, you're good. 25 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,778 This is nice. 26 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,703 You and me, spending time together. 27 00:01:15,293 --> 00:01:16,352 Why don't we do this more often? 28 00:01:17,189 --> 00:01:17,976 I don't have an answer. 29 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,638 Hmm, me neither. 30 00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,398 So, how long 'til the movie starts? 31 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,437 Uh, about 20 minutes. 32 00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:24,471 Yeah, sure, 33 00:01:24,548 --> 00:01:27,193 20 minutes not counting previews and ads, 34 00:01:27,393 --> 00:01:29,897 the popcorn and the giant pretzel-holding hands. 35 00:01:30,062 --> 00:01:32,351 The big soda, drinking the little soda, 36 00:01:32,374 --> 00:01:33,811 which frankly is cannibalism. 37 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,167 And the always welcome reminder to turn off your cellphones and shut up 38 00:01:37,226 --> 00:01:39,000 but nobody ever does because, let's face it, 39 00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:42,550 good manners are just the latest casualty in the ongoing collapse of Western civilization. 40 00:01:43,493 --> 00:01:44,729 I now have an answer. 41 00:01:48,618 --> 00:01:49,616 I miss Jake. 42 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,461 How can you miss him? 43 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:53,756 We just dropped him off at his friend's house. 44 00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:56,985 By the way, if you ever get tired of those magazines under your bed, 45 00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:59,436 the kid's mom looked fairly do-able. 46 00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:00,929 Forget the mom. 47 00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:03,942 Did you see how happy Jake was to be spending the weekend away from me? 48 00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:05,461 Why would you think that? 49 00:02:05,539 --> 00:02:07,981 Just because he jumped out of the car while it was still moving? 50 00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:10,235 Come on, Alan, he was happy to see his friends. 51 00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:12,135 Being away from you is just... gravy. 52 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,190 I know. I know. 53 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,808 It's natural for him to want to spend more time with his peers than his parents. But... 54 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,202 all the same... 55 00:02:21,118 --> 00:02:22,045 it's sad. 56 00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:23,059 Yeah. 57 00:02:23,313 --> 00:02:24,839 Sunrise, sunset. 58 00:02:27,152 --> 00:02:29,329 One day, you're holding a little baby in your arms, 59 00:02:29,352 --> 00:02:30,718 and the next day, he's off 60 00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:34,823 hocking loogies and lighting farts with a bunch of Ritalin-addled sixth graders. 61 00:02:36,476 --> 00:02:38,355 Why do I bother trying to share my feelings with you? 62 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,903 I don't know. It's not like I encourage it. 63 00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:43,385 Oh, come on. 64 00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:45,356 So your kid doesn't need you like he used to. 65 00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:46,591 That's a good thing. 66 00:02:46,814 --> 00:02:48,928 You can spend your weekends enjoying yourself. 67 00:02:50,364 --> 00:02:51,444 That's true. And... 68 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,235 there's things I want to do that I haven't had time for. 69 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,787 Like that kid's mom. 70 00:02:56,254 --> 00:02:57,498 No, no, I mean like... 71 00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,220 like reading 72 00:02:59,451 --> 00:03:01,271 finally cracking open the classics. 73 00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:04,488 Alan, if you want to crack something open, I recommend that kid's mom. 74 00:03:05,898 --> 00:03:07,343 No, no, I'm serious. 75 00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:12,052 For years, I have been wishing that I had time to read all the great books. 76 00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:14,948 Dostoyevsky, and 77 00:03:15,614 --> 00:03:16,938 Hemingway, 78 00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:18,617 Faulkner, and 79 00:03:18,723 --> 00:03:21,071 and Dickens, and Shakespeare 80 00:03:21,236 --> 00:03:24,315 and history! History: U.S. history, 81 00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:27,014 world history, the history of language. 82 00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:30,057 I mean, why doesn't anyone speak Sumerian anymore? 83 00:03:31,838 --> 00:03:33,705 I don't know because I haven't read the book! 84 00:03:35,453 --> 00:03:40,689 And, oh, oh... poetry, poetry! Byron, and Keats, and Shelley! 85 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,626 And biographies! Oh! 86 00:03:42,715 --> 00:03:47,319 Julius Caesar, and Abraham Lincoln, and, oh, Groucho Marx! 87 00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,587 I mean, look at them all! 88 00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:50,269 Look at them! They're mocking me! 89 00:03:51,744 --> 00:03:53,174 I haven't read any of them! 90 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,170 Okay, well, just pick one for now. 91 00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,244 Why bother?! 92 00:03:57,267 --> 00:04:00,836 There's not enough time! There's too many books and not enough time! 93 00:04:01,564 --> 00:04:02,914 Maybe you just need a system. 94 00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:04,696 You know, put a book next to the toilet, 95 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,784 and every couple of days or so, you knock out a couple of chapters and- 96 00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:09,012 No, no! It's too late for me! 97 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,350 There's not enough bowel movements left! 98 00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,405 Maybe you need to change your diet. 99 00:04:17,526 --> 00:04:18,873 No, it's hopeless! 100 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,487 Jake will be grown up soon and I'll be dead. 101 00:04:21,644 --> 00:04:23,278 And you know what I'll have left behind? 102 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,705 A life of unfulfilled dreams, 103 00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:27,717 a shelf of unread books, 104 00:04:27,762 --> 00:04:30,859 and 3 unopened seasons of Six Feet Under on DVD. 105 00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,550 So what are you doing tonight? 106 00:04:36,922 --> 00:04:38,903 Episode 3x12 That special tug 107 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,885 Transcript : Raceman 108 00:04:40,886 --> 00:04:42,867 Synchro : Relaxx 109 00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:44,849 Corrections: Bouliii + nColas 110 00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:46,993 All right. 111 00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:50,654 So your brother had a panic attack in the middle of a bookstore. 112 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,599 How'd that make you feel? 113 00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:56,078 What the hell do my feelings have to do with anything? 114 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,758 Why don't you just humor me? 115 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,606 Well, I felt a little ashamed. 116 00:05:02,642 --> 00:05:05,190 Because you felt that his behavior reflected on you? 117 00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:06,859 No, because I left him there. 118 00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:10,137 You left him? 119 00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:12,486 Not permanently. 120 00:05:13,807 --> 00:05:17,001 I came back and got him after he was all cried out and it was time for the movie. 121 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,145 So you still went to the movie? 122 00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:22,032 Yeah, I bought the tickets online. They don't refund those. 123 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,577 Red Vine? 124 00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:33,553 No, thank you. 125 00:05:33,612 --> 00:05:36,430 I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. 126 00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:37,369 Nah. 127 00:05:37,643 --> 00:05:39,121 Who among us hasn't collapsed, 128 00:05:39,145 --> 00:05:41,300 weeping, in the middle of a bookstore for no apparent reason? 129 00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:45,132 You know, I think maybe I'd be better off at home. 130 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:49,228 So I'm supposed to miss the movie just because you had a nervous breakdown? 131 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:51,804 Well, kinda. 132 00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:54,456 Don't you think that's a little selfish, Alan? 133 00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:56,776 It's just, 134 00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,125 all of a sudden, 135 00:05:58,132 --> 00:06:01,173 I felt crushed by this unbelievable sense of grief, 136 00:06:01,525 --> 00:06:04,989 like my entire life has been an exercise in a pathetic futility. 137 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:07,306 Well, I wouldn't rule it out. 138 00:06:09,346 --> 00:06:11,291 Come on, bunky, cheer up. Have a Red Vine. 139 00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:12,383 I don't want a Red Vine. 140 00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:14,538 -Sno-Cap? -No. 141 00:06:15,144 --> 00:06:16,048 -Raisinets? -No. 142 00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:18,563 -Goobers? -How much crap did you buy?! 143 00:06:18,993 --> 00:06:20,319 They couldn't change a hundred. 144 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,032 All right, I'll have a Junior Mint. 145 00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:28,143 I didn't get Junior Mints. 146 00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:31,247 Of course not. 147 00:06:32,138 --> 00:06:32,984 Story of my life. 148 00:06:33,549 --> 00:06:34,960 No Junior Mints for Alan... 149 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:36,628 just Goobers. 150 00:06:37,337 --> 00:06:39,004 Goobers, Goobers, Goobers. 151 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,943 Dude, dude, you need to be quiet. 152 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:42,528 Why? Why? 153 00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:45,702 The first amendment gives me the right to yell "Goobers" in a crowded theater. 154 00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:46,923 Goobers! 155 00:06:49,188 --> 00:06:49,880 Hey, look. 156 00:06:50,232 --> 00:06:51,787 Movie quiz. Let's play the movie quiz. 157 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:52,926 I don't want to play the movie quiz. 158 00:06:52,949 --> 00:06:55,118 Come on, it'll be fun. I'll bet you're good at it. 159 00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,167 All right, all right. 160 00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:58,113 "Debra Winger and Richard Gere 161 00:06:58,136 --> 00:07:00,205 starred in An Officer and a blank." 162 00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:01,479 Oh, please! 163 00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:03,088 You need a hint? 164 00:07:04,663 --> 00:07:05,661 There's a hint upside down in the corner. 165 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,325 No, I don't need a hint! 166 00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:10,346 I know the answer! Everybody here knows the answer! 167 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,987 Everybody on the planet knows the answer! We're not stupid! 168 00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:15,101 Chill, chill. 169 00:07:15,461 --> 00:07:17,410 Oh, wait, here's another brain teaser. 170 00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:19,832 "Steven Spielberg directed this modern retelling 171 00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,556 of the H.G. Wells classic 172 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,141 War of the blank." 173 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,753 Uh, uh, couch! 174 00:07:24,796 --> 00:07:25,747 War of the Couch! 175 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:27,204 Stop it. 176 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,473 Oh, no, no, I got it! 177 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,411 War of the blow it out your ass! 178 00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:33,235 You know, maybe you're right. Maybe we should go. 179 00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,653 Wait, no, I know this one. 180 00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:36,484 "Johnny Depp cruised to success 181 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,097 in this comedy-action film 182 00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:40,110 inspired by a Disneyland attraction." 183 00:07:40,363 --> 00:07:42,393 Pirates of the blow it out your ass! 184 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,511 He's behind on his reading. 185 00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:46,378 Oh, oh, and let's not forget 186 00:07:46,401 --> 00:07:48,472 Judy Garland in that immortal classic 187 00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:51,001 The Wizard of blow it out your ass! 188 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,443 That sounds like quite an episode. 189 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,113 Is your brother seeing a therapist? 190 00:07:56,663 --> 00:07:57,672 How would I know? 191 00:07:58,731 --> 00:08:01,196 He's your brother. He lives with you. 192 00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:02,372 So? 193 00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:05,328 All right, go ahead. 194 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,698 Just because I took him in doesn't mean I have to listen to him. 195 00:08:10,062 --> 00:08:11,141 I understand. 196 00:08:11,506 --> 00:08:14,414 He just whines about the same crap over and over. 197 00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:15,336 O kay. 198 00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:16,891 It's not even interesting crap. 199 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,235 It's the crap that bores the crap out of crap. 200 00:08:22,016 --> 00:08:22,721 I got it. 201 00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:24,899 It's crap. Go ahead. 202 00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:25,780 Thank you. 203 00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,516 So we're driving home and... 204 00:08:37,592 --> 00:08:39,799 This seat is very comfortable. 205 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:40,927 Genuine leather, 206 00:08:41,108 --> 00:08:42,165 nine-way adjustable, 207 00:08:42,506 --> 00:08:43,515 lumbar support... 208 00:08:44,097 --> 00:08:45,294 I wish I'd spent a few extra bucks 209 00:08:45,318 --> 00:08:46,766 and gotten the ejection package. 210 00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:49,766 I said I was sorry. 211 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,801 They don't refund those tickets, Alan. 212 00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:56,263 I want to go see Jake. 213 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,624 Why? He's at a sleepover. 214 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,951 I just got this feeling that he needs me. 215 00:09:02,138 --> 00:09:03,828 Really? Some sort of telepathic thing? 216 00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:04,605 Exactly. 217 00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:05,554 I see. 218 00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:07,829 Ow! 219 00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:10,043 Did you know I was gonna do that? 220 00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:10,974 No. 221 00:09:11,188 --> 00:09:13,099 Then I wouldn't trust your psychic powers. 222 00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:17,636 Come on. We can just stop by for a few minutes. 223 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,843 We have time now since we decided to skip the movie. 224 00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,535 Oh, we decided that, did we? 225 00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:25,387 That's the way it went down for you, huh? 226 00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,399 That's how you interpret recent events?! 227 00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:29,414 Whoa, whoa, settle down. 228 00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:30,878 You're acting like a crazy person. 229 00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:31,915 Me?! 230 00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:33,648 I'm acting like a crazy person?! 231 00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:35,350 Are you freaking kidding me?! 232 00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:37,182 Listen to yourself. 233 00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:39,671 You're getting a little scary right now. 234 00:09:42,077 --> 00:09:43,521 Okay, fine, you want to see the kid, 235 00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,424 we'll go see the kid. 236 00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:45,540 Thank you. 237 00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:48,341 Is that so hard? 238 00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:57,388 Charlie... the road. 239 00:10:02,548 --> 00:10:03,393 Please. 240 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,116 You know, when you have kids, 241 00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:12,368 you find that there's a deep spiritual connection. 242 00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:14,986 You feel an actual tug when your child needs you. 243 00:10:15,911 --> 00:10:16,686 Interesting. 244 00:10:16,971 --> 00:10:18,973 What do you feel when your brother hates you? 245 00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:23,203 Alan. Is everything okay? 246 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,265 Oh, yeah, fine. 247 00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,714 I just need to see Jake for a minute. 248 00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:26,976 He's feeling a tug. 249 00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:28,267 Tug? 250 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,336 Or it could be gas. We're not sure. 251 00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:33,917 Could you just call Jake? 252 00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,716 Jake! Your father's here! 253 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,777 Put that down, Timmy! 254 00:10:39,201 --> 00:10:40,004 What? 255 00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,119 I just wanted to see if you were okay. 256 00:10:44,092 --> 00:10:46,179 Oh, great. Now I'm dead! Thanks a lot! 257 00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,583 Doesn't count! I was talking to my stupid dad! 258 00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:55,124 Well, it seems like you've got everything under control. 259 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,215 Actually, I ran out of ice cream. 260 00:10:57,258 --> 00:11:00,082 Do you think you could keep an eye on the kids for a few minutes? 261 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:00,470 Uh... 262 00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,361 Thanks a million. I'll be right back. 263 00:11:14,457 --> 00:11:15,995 She ain't coming back. 264 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,240 Three hours she was gone. 265 00:11:21,495 --> 00:11:25,769 And when she finally came back she was reeking of Old Spice and pot. 266 00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:27,362 I see. 267 00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,083 And she didn't even have any ice cream! 268 00:11:30,546 --> 00:11:31,579 All right, 269 00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:36,920 let's stop here for a minute and talk in general about your feelings towards women. 270 00:11:37,015 --> 00:11:37,801 No, thanks. 271 00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:41,251 -Rather discuss your childhood? -Nope. 272 00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:42,481 -Father? -Dead. 273 00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:43,550 -Mother? -Killed him. 274 00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:46,642 Would you like to discuss that? 275 00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,662 We just did. 276 00:11:48,705 --> 00:11:51,098 Charlie, I'm not sure we're on the same page here. 277 00:11:51,615 --> 00:11:53,446 Have you ever been in therapy before? 278 00:11:54,091 --> 00:11:55,855 Does massage therapy count? 279 00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:57,403 No. 280 00:11:58,435 --> 00:11:59,680 It's almost the same thing. 281 00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:01,476 One on one with a strange woman 282 00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:04,056 who charges you for an hour then only gives you 50 minutes. 283 00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:08,410 Why don't we just go back to your story? 284 00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,550 Touch a nerve there, did I? 285 00:12:13,902 --> 00:12:15,464 Okay, okay. 286 00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:19,338 Well, Jake ignored his father the entire time we were there, so 287 00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,502 Alan was a little upset when we got back in the car. 288 00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,464 He hates me! 289 00:12:23,663 --> 00:12:25,009 My only son hates me! 290 00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,774 He doesn't hate you. 291 00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,294 He just didn't appreciate you telling his friends that 292 00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:32,441 laser tag can induce epileptic fits. 293 00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:34,346 Well, it can. 294 00:12:34,894 --> 00:12:35,974 Be that as it may, 295 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:39,208 you probably could've gotten your point across without flopping around on the floor, 296 00:12:39,244 --> 00:12:41,281 rolling your eyes up and pretending to swallow your tongue. 297 00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:45,269 Hey, hey, a-a picture is worth a thousand... 298 00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,019 Charlie, stop the car. 299 00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:50,256 Why? 300 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,469 I have to get out. I... I'm feeling claustrophobic. 301 00:12:52,516 --> 00:12:54,548 -There's no place to stop. -We have to stop! 302 00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:56,420 Where? 303 00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,498 I-I can't breathe! I can't breathe. 304 00:12:58,514 --> 00:12:59,437 I-I have to get out. 305 00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:00,828 I have to get out now, now, now, now! 306 00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,290 Okay, hold on, hold on. 307 00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:07,882 The seat belt won't come off. 308 00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,267 Just push the button. 309 00:13:09,302 --> 00:13:11,008 I can't, I can't. It won't come off. Help me! 310 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,464 Okay, okay, move your hands. 311 00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:18,250 Okay. 312 00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:20,962 It's passing. 313 00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,231 Yes, it's... Yes, I-I'm okay. 314 00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:24,504 No, you're not. 315 00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:25,189 What? 316 00:13:25,773 --> 00:13:26,383 Get out. 317 00:13:26,495 --> 00:13:27,698 -What? -Get out now! 318 00:13:27,775 --> 00:13:29,447 Now, now, now, get out, get out! 319 00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:39,252 That's better. 320 00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:48,664 So you just left your brother on the side of the road? 321 00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,975 He couldn't believe it, either. 322 00:13:53,855 --> 00:13:56,433 You should have seen his face in the rearview mirror. 323 00:13:57,646 --> 00:14:00,745 All right, Charlie, we've been talking for quite a while, and I got to tell you, 324 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,833 I still don't understand why you came to see me. 325 00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:05,273 You in a hurry? 326 00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:09,729 Doesn't that undermine your whole pay by the hour business model? 327 00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:12,817 Go ahead. 328 00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:14,480 Thank you. 329 00:14:15,284 --> 00:14:19,943 So, as I was driving away, I decided I needed a little quiet time for, you know, 330 00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,826 reflection and meditation. 331 00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:32,034 Hey. 332 00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:33,232 Hey. 333 00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:34,890 What took you so long? 334 00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,523 I was sure you'd come back. 335 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,107 Huh. 336 00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:41,815 I guess that's case closed on the telepathy stuff. 337 00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:45,311 What are you drinking? 338 00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:46,528 I don't know. 339 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,001 Something soothing. 340 00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:50,147 Uh, uh, Kahlua and cream? 341 00:14:50,614 --> 00:14:53,126 He's kidding. Give him a beer. Must you always embarrass me? 342 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,809 I've had a traumatic night. 343 00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:59,635 -I feel very exposed, vulnerable, confused... -Yeah, yeah, okay, shut up, shut up, shut up. 344 00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,288 Hi. 345 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,400 -Hi. -Yeah, hi. 346 00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:07,542 Can we buy you ladies a drink? 347 00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:09,832 No, thanks. We're already pretty blitzed. 348 00:15:09,854 --> 00:15:10,763 Boy, are we blitzed. 349 00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:13,038 Perfect. 350 00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,362 I'm Charlie. This is Alan. 351 00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:17,739 -Amy. -Beth. 352 00:15:18,353 --> 00:15:19,185 Nice to meet you. 353 00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:20,489 How's it going tonight? 354 00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:21,539 Pretty good. 355 00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:22,765 We're blitzed. 356 00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,678 -How about you? -Yeah, how you doin'? 357 00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:29,736 Oh, boy. Where to start? 358 00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,094 No one's talking to you. 359 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,088 What's the matter, Alan? 360 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,314 Yeah, what's the matter? 361 00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,594 Well, you-you really want to know? 362 00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:38,583 They don't. Trust me, you really don't. 363 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:43,008 Well, maybe it's a-a late reaction to the divorce, uh, 364 00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:46,893 maybe it's my son not needing me so much now that he's growing up, but... 365 00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:49,652 But I think... I think it's more than that. I-I... 366 00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:51,284 I think it's just life... 367 00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:53,479 grinding me down, and I just... 368 00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,919 I don't think I can take it anymore. 369 00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,050 Oh, you poor baby. 370 00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,635 Poor, poor baby. 371 00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,910 Tell us all about it. 372 00:16:00,974 --> 00:16:02,292 Yeah, tell us. 373 00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:05,184 Well, I was never a happy child. 374 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,452 Oh God, I was a miserable kid. 375 00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:12,889 And-And-And the only thing that gave my life meaning was my son. 376 00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:14,557 At least you've got a son. 377 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,357 I've got nothing 378 00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,437 except... 379 00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:20,321 epilepsy. 380 00:16:21,619 --> 00:16:24,020 -Oh, no. -Yeah. Oh, no. 381 00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:32,995 So anyway, 382 00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,457 there I was on my wedding day 383 00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,395 in front of the priest and all our friends, 384 00:16:38,642 --> 00:16:41,208 flopping around on the altar like an epileptic trout, 385 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,897 when I heard her father say, 386 00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:45,701 "You can't marry this man. 387 00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,693 He's damaged goods." 388 00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:51,197 -Oh, gee. -Yeah. Oh, gee. 389 00:16:52,019 --> 00:16:54,804 That's when I realized that all the money in the world-- 390 00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:56,092 and I do have a lot 391 00:16:57,926 --> 00:17:01,167 can't replace that special tug you feel... 392 00:17:03,078 --> 00:17:05,438 when someone loves you unconditionally. 393 00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,975 -Oh! -Oh! 394 00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:10,000 -Look, that's the ocean. -Ooh, the ocean. 395 00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:11,492 -Let's go skinny dipping. -Yeah, skinny dipping. 396 00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:12,751 -You want to come? -Yeah, come with us. 397 00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:15,572 I'd love to, but I'm 398 00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:17,971 too sad, and I might swallow my tongue. 399 00:17:18,696 --> 00:17:19,657 You two go. 400 00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:24,318 Swim, splash, frolic, enjoy your healthy bodies. 401 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,184 Okay. 402 00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:25,947 Bye. 403 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,188 Have you no shame? 404 00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:30,500 Let me think. 405 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,737 Nope. Just a tug. 406 00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:33,621 Now that's another thing. 407 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:34,672 My angst is real. 408 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,997 I-I do not appreciate you taking my tug and using it to get in someone's pants. 409 00:17:38,096 --> 00:17:39,171 News flash, Alan 410 00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:40,817 they're already out of their pants. 411 00:17:42,108 --> 00:17:45,564 And they're gonna come back cold, wet, and in desperate need of body heat. 412 00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,707 Which means for those of us with normal skin temperature, 413 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,365 it'll be a seller's market. 414 00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:51,146 You're unbelievable. 415 00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,316 No, I just think ahead. 416 00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:55,525 They're only gonna last about two seconds in that water, so we have to hurry. 417 00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,120 I'll get the wine, you light some candles, get a little ambiance going. 418 00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,572 I'm sorry, I'm really not in the mood. 419 00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:03,981 Are you saying that I have to get you liquored up so I can get laid? 420 00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:08,384 All right, I'll go along, but only as a favor to you. 421 00:18:08,736 --> 00:18:09,511 Thank you. 422 00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:12,797 I'm probably gonna have to apply the condom 423 00:18:12,823 --> 00:18:15,347 and get a rope and pulley to lower one of those broads onto him. 424 00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,351 Since you're making me do this, 425 00:18:20,527 --> 00:18:21,396 I get Amy. 426 00:18:21,592 --> 00:18:22,792 The hell you do! 427 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,624 Which one's Amy? 428 00:18:25,692 --> 00:18:27,911 Amy's the one who overcame the eating disorder. 429 00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:29,886 Starving herself or throwing up? 430 00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:31,719 Does it make a difference? 431 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,747 It does if you're paying for dinner. 432 00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,282 Amy is the brunette. 433 00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:38,051 Got it. So I have Jennifer. 434 00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,573 You mean Beth. 435 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,707 Right, right, "B" for blonde. 436 00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:44,175 "B" can also be for brunette. 437 00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:45,920 But Amy's the brunette. 438 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,023 So you could do "A" for anorexic. 439 00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:50,940 Unless it's "B" for bulimic. 440 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:52,556 Good point. 441 00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:53,758 We're gonna need a new system. 442 00:18:55,243 --> 00:18:56,192 Do you smell something? 443 00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,640 Yeah, what is that? 444 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,146 I think you do these things just to piss me off. 445 00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,408 Oh my God, what happened? 446 00:19:13,438 --> 00:19:14,800 Well, while I was trying to put it out, 447 00:19:14,965 --> 00:19:16,997 my brother stupidly called the fire department. 448 00:19:17,748 --> 00:19:18,946 Why was that stupid? 449 00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:21,312 Have you seen a Malibu fireman recently? 450 00:19:22,938 --> 00:19:23,913 They're all young, 451 00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:26,827 buff surfer dudes whippin' their big hoses around. 452 00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:32,367 Amy and Beth jumped on their hook and ladder like a couple of Dalmatians. 453 00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:34,071 I never saw 'em again. 454 00:19:35,294 --> 00:19:37,701 Ah yes, the Malibu fire department. 455 00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:41,272 I have several patients who compulsively masturbate to their calendar. 456 00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:42,567 No kidding. 457 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:43,672 Both sexes. 458 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,384 So anyway, Charlie, 459 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,596 I'm still not clear on what it is you would like me to help you with. 460 00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,622 Uh, your anger issues, your sexual issues, 461 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,216 -your drinking? -No, no, no, no, that's all cool. 462 00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:59,818 Then tell me, why are you here? 463 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,114 Okay. Well, 464 00:20:01,494 --> 00:20:04,213 I'm here to lay some groundwork for the future. 465 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,551 Some groundwork? 466 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:06,419 Yeah. 467 00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:07,931 I've come to realize that there's 468 00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:10,737 a very good chance that I might some day snap 469 00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:11,994 and kill my brother. 470 00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,814 And I figure, if I'm already under a psychiatrist's care, 471 00:20:17,826 --> 00:20:19,950 then I can always cop an insanity plea. 472 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,418 You're thinking of killing your brother? 473 00:20:24,535 --> 00:20:26,038 Shh! 474 00:20:27,919 --> 00:20:30,525 Doctor-patient confidentiality. 475 00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:39,417 Where's the bottle opener? 476 00:20:39,676 --> 00:20:41,552 Check in the drawer by the coffee machine. 477 00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:43,988 Hey, what do you think of this for the new drapes? 478 00:20:46,042 --> 00:20:47,052 Too small. 479 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,321 I don't know. I think it's kind of cheerful. 480 00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:52,009 I'll put it in the maybe pile. 481 00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:55,474 You do that. 482 00:20:56,944 --> 00:20:59,192 You know, we're also gonna have to reupholster the couch. 483 00:20:59,496 --> 00:21:00,208 You think? 484 00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:01,690 Well, there was a lot of water damage, 485 00:21:01,749 --> 00:21:02,893 which, quite frankly, 486 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,464 I think was the result of the firemen showing off for the girls. 487 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,258 You could be right. 488 00:21:09,755 --> 00:21:10,354 You know, 489 00:21:10,452 --> 00:21:11,649 I-I just want to tell you, 490 00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:15,439 I-I really appreciate you stickin' by me in the past couple of days, you know, 491 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,213 pulling me out of my funk. 492 00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,104 You really are a great brother. 493 00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:22,425 I don't know what I'd do without you. 494 00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,609 I don't know what I'd do without you, either. 495 00:21:28,336 --> 00:21:29,228 But, golly, 496 00:21:29,826 --> 00:21:31,816 it's sure fun to think about. 497 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,160 Synchro : Relaxx 498 00:21:35,366 --> 00:21:36,980 Trranscript : Raceman 499 00:21:37,074 --> 00:21:39,493 Corrections : Bouliii + nColas 500 00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:42,475 www.forom.com 35709

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