Original subtitles

- Yes, thanks a lot.

Goodbye.

- Oh, did you just make a phone call?

- Yes, I did.

- Did you call the drugstore? - Yes, I did.

- Did you remember to order some Listerine--

- Antizyme toothpaste?

Yes, I did.

[music playing]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste,

presents "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Harriet Nelson, who, understandably enough, plays

the part of Harriet Nelson.

And here we have the older of the Nelson boys, David.

He appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, Ricky, is played by Ricky Nelson.

And here we have Ozzie Nelson, who

plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

- Oh, hi.

I was just sitting here thinking what a nice neighborhood we

Nelsons live in.

It has such friendly, congenial people around here.

Of course, there's our next door neighbor, Thorny.

He's really a great guy.

Oh, he does use a phony name sometimes.

Don DeFore, I think it is.

And then there's Doc Williams, who lives across the street.

He's really a nice guy.

I'll never forget the first day I met him.

I didn't even know he was a doctor.

See, I was down at the bank, making a deposit or something.

Anyway, I remember I was trying to use

one of the pens they have down there

and I was having quite a bit of difficulty.

Doc, did you see that?

- I beg your pardon?

- This darn scratchy pen splattered all over the paper.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- I hope I didn't get any of it on you.

- No, no, not at all.

- Never seen one of these pens yet you could write with.

- Yeah, I know.

- You scratch halfway across the paper

without any ink coming out at all, then all of a sudden

it drops all in one big puddle.

- Yeah, that's why I always bring my own pen.

- Good idea.

I guess I just like to make it tough on myself.

- Well, here, take it easy for a change.

- Oh, may I borrow yours for just a minute?

- Yeah, help yourself. - Oh, thanks.

It's very kind of you.

My name is Nelson.

- Oh, I'm glad to know you, Mr. Nelson.

My name is Williams.

- Pleasure to know you.

- Do you live here in town?

- Yes, I do.

Say, this writes fine.

- Thanks.

We're just moving into the neighborhood.

I'm trying to get some things straightened out.

- Oh, that moving can be a real headache.

You never realize how much junk you accumulate

until you start to move.

Got any children? - Yes.

Yes, we do.

We have two, a boy and a girl.

- Oh, fine.

We have two boys.

- Oh, is that so?

Well, boys make nice children.

- They seem to.

I think we'll keep our two fellas.

- Yeah.

I guess we will, too.

Or, one of each, that is.

- Say, you're losing a button off your coat there.

- Oh, good heavens.

I believe you're right.

- I think I have a pen knife.

Yeah, here we are.

Why don't you cut that off before you lose it?

- Oh, thanks.

I guess that would be a good idea.

- There, the material.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I just want to get these threads out.

- Yes, I think you'll like it around here.

- Oh, I'm sure we will.

- We have some really good community spirit.

Of course, I'm lucky enough to have some fine neighbors, very

congenial and likable.

- I'm glad to hear it.

Oh, say, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me.

It's a little later than I thought.

We still have some unpacking to do.

- Oh, fine.

Well, I'll probably be seeing you around from time

to time, Mr. Williams.

- I certainly hope so, Mr. Nelson.

It's been a real pleasure. - Thank you very much.

Pleasure's mine. - Bye.

- Bye.

[music playing]

- Well, I guess that's the last of it.

- They sure had a lot of neat stuff, boy.

- Come out away from that window now.

Can't people move in without an audience?

- Not across the street from us, they can't.

- Hey, there's one more piece of furniture.

- Where?

- Come away from the window, Ricky.

- Yeah, Ricky, Mom can't see.

- I don't want to see.

- Then how come you decided to wash these little windows

this morning?

- I decided that last night.

Besides, I don't have to answer to you.

- If we were married, you would.

- Well, I guess that's it.

That's all the things from the moving van.

- I thought you weren't watching.

- Well, the morning paper said rain

and I wanted to make sure they got the things in before it

started.

- Whoa, what's going on here?

- Oh, hi, Pop.

Come on in.

Pull up a chair. - What's this?

We just happen to be watching the people

move in across the street?

Oh.

They seem like pretty nice people?

- Yeah.

They have a cat, a bird, a girl, and a little boy.

- Oh.

Not so little.

He's bigger than you.

- Looks like an oddball to me.

- Wait a minute, Rick.

That's no way to talk about our new neighbors.

- That's right.

You want to make friends with the boy.

- Oh, I know I do.

- I'm sure he's very nice.

- I'm sure he is, too.

He has a motor scooter.

- I'm not talking about that.

They're going to be our neighbors.

- It's not hard to make friends with people if you know how.

Sometimes strangers are inclined to be a little distant,

but you can usually break them down a bit.

- You could break me down easy, boy.

Just give me a ride on that motor scooter.

- Why don't you go over and get acquainted?

- Do you think it'll be all right, Mom?

- I think it'll be the neighborly thing to do.

- Come on, Rick, let's go.

- I get the first ride.

- They're really very nice people.

- Oh, have you met them?

- Well, I met Mrs. Williams for just a moment this morning.

She's pretty busy.

- Wait a minute.

Did you say Mrs. Williams? - Uh-huh.

- Well, how about that?

I met him at the bank this morning.

- Oh.

- He was a little strange at first,

but after we got talking, he turned out

to be a real nice guy.

- Wasn't that nice?

- Yeah.

I think it will be a very welcome addition

to the neighborhood.

- Well, Mrs. Williams seems like a very pleasant person.

- Well, you know, it's a funny thing about people, Harriet.

Sometimes they take a little while to warm up,

but if you know how to get their confidence,

it's not too difficult to make friends.

- Well, I'm glad you two hit it off so well.

- Oh, sure.

He warmed right up after I told him

he was going to lose one of his buttons.

- You told him what?

- Well, one of the buttons on his coat sleeve was loose,

so I let him use--

Hey, wait a minute.

- What's the matter?

- Well, I let him borrow my pocketknife

and he never gave it back to me.

How about that?

He just walked off with it.

- Oh, well, I'm sure he didn't mean to.

- Well, I don't suppose so.

Although, come to think of it, he did act kind of funny.

- I thought you said he was very nice.

- Well, yes.

But now that I think of it, the--

the way just moved in on me like that,

borrowing something from a total stranger.

I mean, I don't mind loaning things to good friends of mine.

I don't think anything of it.

For instance, I let Thorny borrow $2

two weeks and four days ago and I have completely

forgotten about it.

- Oh, I'm sure Mr. Williams has just forgotten about the knife.

- Well, yes.

On the other hand, it could be he just figured

he'd never see me again.

- Oh, Ozzie, don't be silly.

After all, it's only a little pocketknife.

- I can't understand it.

Now that I think it over, the way the man

ducked out of there so fast.

- Well, I'm sure it was all a mistake.

Why don't you go over and ask him about it?

- Those things are so embarrassing.

- Well, what's embarrassing about it?

Just go over and tell him you want it back.

He'll probably be very glad you did.

- Well, that's easy to say, Harriet,

but you can't just walk over there and accuse a man.

I mean, you've got to be a little diplomatic, kind of beat

around the bush.

- Well, what are you going to say?

- Well, I'll just say, "Give me my knife back

or I'll punch you right in the nose."

- That ought to do it.

- Do you think that'll get me my knife back?

- No, but it ought to get you a nice black eye.

[music playing]

[knock on door]

- Yes?

- Oh, Mr. Williams, my name is Nelson.

Remember, I met you at the bank this morning?

- Oh, yes.

- I was quite surprised to learn that you moved in right

across the street from us.

- Yes.

- Quite a coincidence, wasn't it?

I mean, our meeting like that at the bank

and you were telling me that you're

going to move into the neighborhood,

and it turns out that it's right across the street.

It's quite a coincidence.

- Yes, I suppose it was.

- Looks like you have a very nice place in there.

- Oh, thanks.

I'm afraid we're a little cluttered up right

now and things.

- Oh, well, yes.

Well, that's to be expected.

I mean, the moving day, there's a certain amount of confusion.

A man can be forgiven for forgetting things.

A man might even lose his buttons.

- I'm glad you understand.

- Well, we have some very nice neighbors around here.

I'd like to have you meet some of them when you get settled.

- Oh, I'd like to.

- Thornberry lives right next door to me.

He's a very nice chap.

Sometimes he borrows things and neglects to return them.

But I-- I imagine it's just an oversight on his part.

He doesn't do it on purpose, I'm sure.

- Oh, of course.

- At least, you don't like to think

a person would borrow something and deliberately

fail to return it?

- Of course not.

- Well, I don't want to keep you from anything.

I suppose you have lots of things on your mind,

things to do.

- Oh, that's very kind of you.

Well, I'm glad you dropped by.

- Oh, thank you.

Is there anything you'd like to borrow?

- I don't believe so, no.

- You got everything you needed at the bank this morning?

- I believe so.

- Oh, fine.

Well, I guess I'll be going.

- All right.

- You're sure there isn't anything?

- No.

No, thank you.

- Well, if there's nothing more to be said--

- Just goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

[music playing]

- Hi, Ozzie.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Saw you leave the Williams' house.

Just paying him a neighborhood visit?

- Well, I guess that would be a polite way of putting it, yeah.

- I met Mrs. Williams a little while ago.

She stopped by our house to borrow a pound of sugar.

Seems like a very nice woman.

- Wait a minute.

You say she borrowed a pound of sugar?

- I guess they didn't have time to do any shopping.

You know how it is when you're moving?

- Yeah.

I imagine those people do quite a bit of moving, too.

Oh, say about four or five times a year.

- What do you mean by that?

- Well, nothing.

You will find out for yourself.

- Wait a minute.

Let me take a look at you.

You seem kind of different.

That sunny smile has frosted over

and a cynical glint has replaced the twinkle in your eye.

- I guess as you grow older and wiser, you get that look.

You lose a little faith in the human race, too.

- This is beginning to sound a little serious.

Now, why don't you tell Uncle Thorny all about it.

- I suppose I should warn you.

After all, you'll be living in the neighborhood with him.

- Living with who?

- Light-fingered Williams, our new neighbor.

You know, I never like to make hasty decisions about people

and I always like to see the best in everybody.

But after what's happened, you can't blame me

for being a little sour on the guy.

- Well, just what did happen?

- Well, there may be some explanation for it,

and I'm not accusing him of any crime

and I'm not saying he's dishonest.

- Come on, Oz, what happened?

- The man stole my pen knife.

- Stole your pen knife?

- That's right.

See, I met him in the bank early today.

I didn't realize he was moving in right

across the street from us.

Evidently, he didn't know it, either.

- And he picked your pocket?

- No, no, no.

He didn't pick my pocket.

He started a conversation with me

and seemed like a very nice fellow.

Of course, they always do.

Well, we got to talking and then he

asked to borrow my pen knife.

- Yeah?

- Well, we talked for a few minutes.

Now I can see he was just trying to keep my attention while he

slipped the knife into his pocket.

- And you're positive you didn't give it back?

- I know he didn't, Thorny.

- Yeah, but Oz, that doesn't prove he

meant to steal your pen knife.

Maybe he just forgot about it.

- Well, sure, I said the same thing.

So I went over to his house a little while ago.

I stood there on the porch, dropping hints

all over the place.

Gave him every opportunity to return the knife.

- Hmm.

Does seem rather strange, doesn't it?

- Anyway, consider yourself warned.

Afraid it's a little late, though.

Don't expect to see that pound of sugar again.

- Oh, Oz, what's a pound of sugar?

- Oh, it's not very much.

That's the way those people operate.

A pound of sugar here.

A dozen eggs there.

A sack of flour somewhere else.

Then in a few months they go legitimate.

They open a supermarket with our groceries.

- And give away pen knives at the grand opening.

- Possibly.

Fine people to have in the neighborhood.

- Oh, Oz, it may not be as bad as you think.

Maybe this Williams guy is just a little absent-minded.

- Well, I'd like to believe it, Thorny, but I'm afraid I can't.

I wouldn't exactly call them crooks.

Let's just say they're professional borrowers.

- Hmm.

And Mrs. Williams seemed like such a nice person, too.

- Well, it's part of their business

to seem like nice people.

- What do you think we ought to do?

- Take all the necessary precautions.

Make sure the windows and doors are securely barred.

Put the sterling silver in a safe place.

- Oh, they wouldn't dare to break into a house.

- Thorny, there's no telling what these kleptomaniacs

are liable to do.

- Kleptomaniacs?

Oz, it was only a pound of sugar.

- Well, maybe it sounds silly to you,

but I'm going to be pretty darn careful myself.

Don't forget, this Williams guy is armed.

- You mean he's got a gun?

- He's got my pen knife.

Now, see, I don't think we ought to say too

much to the wives about this.

No sense upsetting them.

- You really sound serious.

- Well, I am serious.

- You know, I think I'll go down to the bank

and see if I can rent a safety deposit box.

- That's a pretty good idea.

Use something like that to keep Catherine's jewelry in.

- The heck with the jewelry.

We've got 10 pounds of sugar in the house.

[music playing]

- Ozzie?

- Yeah?

- Well?

- Well what?

- Well, what happened?

Did you see Mr. Williams?

- Oh, yes, I saw him.

- Did he give you your pen knife?

- No, he didn't.

- Well, did you ask him for it?

- Yes.

Well, I didn't exactly come right out

and say, where is my pen knife?

But I certainly dropped enough broad hints.

He's probably passed it on to his fence by now.

- Well, there must be some explanation for it.

- Well, we'd like to think so, don't we?

- What are you doing?

- Just checking this cabinet.

There's no lock on it.

- There never has been.

- Don't you think we'd better put one on?

We keep some valuable things in here, you know.

- Oh, yes, very valuable--

one airmail stamp and the gas bill.

- We have locks on all these windows, don't we?

- I think so. Why?

What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing.

Nothing.

I don't want you to get upset or hysterical about this.

There's nothing to worry about.

I plan to sleep with a golf club under my pillow from now on.

- I take it you decided Mr. Williams is public enemy number

one?

- Well, evidently, he stole my pen knife.

- Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean to steal your pen knife.

Probably in the confusion of moving he forgot about it.

- Oh, Harriet, the whole thing was carefully worked out.

For instance, the subtle way he struck up a conversation

with me at the bank.

- I thought you said you were the one who

struck up the conversation.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, yes, of course.

Don't you see?

That's where he was being subtle.

It would have been too obvious if he'd

have started to talk to me, so he let me talk to him first.

This is a very carefully planned job, Harriet.

- Well, he certainly went to a lot of trouble

just to get a pen knife.

- Well, who knows?

Maybe he wasn't aiming at just a pen knife.

I don't know what he wanted to get.

He might have been just buttering me up

to get me to co-sign a bank loan with him or something.

- These confidence men are pretty shrewd, you know.

- Well, at least he's just a confidence man now.

Oh, look, here come the boys.

And I do think you should be careful

what you say about Mr. Williams in front of them.

- OK, I'll do my best to control myself.

- Hi, Mom, Pop. - Hi, Mom, Pop.

- Hello.

- Where have you boys been?

- Over visiting the new neighbors.

- Oh, you mean the Williams family?

- Yes, sir.

They're very nice people.

- Yeah, they sure are.

- What do you think of the Williams boy, David?

- Oh, he's a swell guy.

They have a daughter, too.

Two children, a boy and a girl.

- What are their names, Jesse and James?

- Gordon and Barbara.

- You say he seems like a nice boy?

- Oh, very nice, Mom.

He's interested in athletics, too.

Says he might go out for the track team at school.

- Well, running should be a very good thing for him to learn.

- You ought to see his coin collection, Pop.

- You say this boy collects coins?

- Yes, sir.

He says his father picked up a lot of them for him.

- Did you say something, Harriet?

- No, I just think it's nice that the boys get on so

well with their new neighbors.

- You know, Pop, you were right.

You should never said anything about a person

until you get to know them.

- Yeah, we were all wrong about Gordon.

- You met Mr. Williams yet, Pop?

- Yes, I've met him, Dave.

- What do you think of him?

- Well--

- Your father thinks he's very nice, Dave.

- Yeah, so do I, Pop.

- Their whole family's nice.

Even their dog, Raffles.

- A strange name for a dog.

- Well, I'll see you later, Pop.

- OK.

- Where are you guys going?

- Well, we promised Gordon we'd show him

around the neighborhood. - Well, don't stay out too late.

- We won't, Mom.

- Harriet? - Hmm?

- Do you think we ought to let David and Ricky pal around

with the Williams boy?

- Well, I don't see why not.

- Well, I just wonder whether he's a good influence on them.

They said they were going to show him

around the neighborhood.

You don't suppose the man's got the kid out casing the town,

do you?

- Ozzie, don't be so silly.

- Well. [doorbell ringing]

- Oh, that's the front door. Would you get it?

I've got to go down to market.

- Oh, Mr. Williams.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Nelson.

May I come in?

- Well, yes, please do.

- Thank you.

- I-- I just came by to apologize and to tell you how

embarrassed I am by what's happened.

- Apologize?

- Yes, for leaving the bank with your pen knife.

- My pen knife?

- Well, now, don't pretend you didn't know I had it.

- Well, actually, I did discover the knife was stolen--

I mean, the knife was missing a little while ago.

- I imagine that was just before you stopped by my house, huh?

[laughs]

- Yeah.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it was.

- Well, anyway, Mr. Nelson, I do feel awful about it.

In the confusion of moving and all--

- No, no. Please, forget it.

I mean, a thing like that could happen to anybody.

- Yes, but here you went to the trouble

to come all the way over to the house,

and then when it still didn't register

on me that I had your knife, well,

I don't know what you must have thought.

- Oh, well, I mean, actually the knife isn't very valuable.

- No, but it's the idea of the thing.

- Oh, please forget it.

- Well, anyway, I am sorry, Mr. Nelson,

and honest, this is my first offense.

- I believe that.

Won't you come in and sit down for a while?

- Thank you.

- And please start calling me Ozzie, as long

as we're going to be neighbors.

- Well, thanks a lot, Ozzie.

My name is Frank.

- Well, welcome to the neighborhood, Frank.

- Thank you.

Now, look, if anything like this ever happens again,

I'd consider it a big favor if you'd come right out

and tell me.

I believe in being perfectly frank.

- Oh, well, fine, because I'm that way myself.

I like a person to be blunt and to the point.

- Do you honestly feel that way about it?

- Well, yes, of course I do.

- Well, in that case, where's my fountain pen?

- Your fountain pen?

- Yeah, don't you remember?

I loaned it to you at the bank.

- For goodness sakes, you mean I didn't give you back

your fountain pen?

- No, you just stuck it in your pocket and ran off with it.

Well, I mean, you didn't run off with it.

- Oh, this is terribly embarrassing.

- Oh, not at all.

It was a very inexpensive pen.

- I guess it kind of evens up the score, doesn't it?

- Sure does.

You know, when you came over to the house,

I thought you'd come to return my pen.

I never realized I still had your knife.

- And it didn't dawn on me that I had your fountain pen.

Gee, I wonder what you must have thought of me.

- Oh, I didn't think anything, really.

Oh, of course I did make a little joking remark to my wife

about having a rather absent-minded neighbor.

[laughs]

- Yeah.

- I'll bet you said the same thing to your wife.

- Oh, well, I did make some sort of a mild comment about it.

It's really a kick.

- Say, Oz, do you still believe in being

outspoken and straightforward?

- Well, yes, of course.

- I called you a big crook.

- I called you a kleptomaniac.

[laughs]

- Oh, how about that?

- Well, I guess I'd better get back to the house.

I still have a lot more work to do.

- OK, Frank.

I'm sure glad we got this thing straightened out.

- Yeah, so am I. It also saves me a trip downtown.

- Oh, what for?

- Now I don't have to put our sterling silver in my office

safe.

- Oh, no.

So long, klep.

Oh.

- Oh, say, Ozzie, I--

- I--

- Oh, you go ahead.

- Oh.

I was just going to say, in all the confusion,

you never did give me my knife back.

- That's just what I was going to say.

Here you are.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

[laughs]

- Uh, could I have my fountain pen?

- There you are. - Thank you.

Bye.

- So long.

[music playing]

[knock on door]

- Oh, come on in, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

Well, I finally got your hint.

- Hint?

What hint?

- Oh, Oz, never mind the wide-eyed innocent stuff.

You know, it finally dawned on me

what you were really driving at when

you told me about this Williams guy and your stolen pen knife.

- Oh. Oh that.

Oh.

Well, that requires a little explanation.

- There's nothing to explain.

You weren't really mad at him at all.

Oh, I saw you two walking across the street like two old college

pals.

For goodness sake, Oz, you don't have to beat around

the bush with me.

Why don't you come right up and ask me for it?

Why the big elaborate story?

- What the heck are you talking about?

- You know darn well when I'm talking about.

Here, take it.

Here.

- What's this?

- The $2 I borrowed from you two weeks ago.

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, Hotpoint changes your viewpoint, automatically.

The new neighbor was played by Frank Cady.

This is Verne Smith speaking.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio stations.

- This is Harriet again.

I thought you might like to see this picture of David and Ricky

and me that appears on the cover of the Mother's Day

issue of "TV Guide" magazine.

It'll be on sale at your newsstands next week.