Original subtitles

[door opening]

- Wow, you got back in a hurry.

- Yeah.

I bought a magazine for you. I hope you like it.

- Oh, well, thank you.

Looks very interesting.

Buy anything else?

- Yes, I did.

I bought some Listerine Antizyme toothpaste,

the continuous action toothpaste, the finest

toothpaste in the world.

- I'll buy that.

- You don't have to.

I already did.

One for you.

One for me.

Here's one for David and Ricky.

And here's one for you.

[theme music]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste,

present "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Just what do you mean by that, David?

- You heard me the first time.

- Go ahead and repeat it.

I dare you.

- Oh, get lost, little man.

- Repeat it. I dare you.

- I said I agree with you.

That's what I said.

- There you go.

Picking a fight again.

- Quit harrasin' me and go play with your teddy bear.

- You're not going to get out of it that easy, wise guy.

- Who you calling a wise guy, smart guy?

- Who you calling a smart guy, wise guy?

- What is this?

A debating society?

- Oh, hiya, Pop.

You're just the man we want to see.

- Who, me?!

- Oh, don't worry, Pop, we're not mad at you.

- Oh, well, that's a relief.

What's the big disagreement about?

- Oh, we're not disagreeing, Pop, we're agreeing.

- Oh, that's fine.

- Don't blame me, Pop.

It's all David's fault.

- Oh, fine.

Just blame it on me.

- That's what I'm doing.

- Now, wait a minute.

Do you guys realize you spend about 90%

of your time arguing with each other?

What's the big beef about?

- Oh, it's not much, Pop.

We're just talking about basketball.

- And I said you used to wrestle in school a lot.

- And I agree with you.

You did, didn't you, Pop?

- Well, we used to wrestle around

the gym in high school a little, yeah.

- Abraham Lincoln used to be a good wrestler, didn't he, Pop?

- From what I understand, he was a great wrestler.

- Do you think you could have beaten Abraham Lincoln?

- Don't be ridiculous, David.

Pop would have been too young.

- Thank you.

I think you've got a point there.

- Oh, Ricky, Abraham Lincoln lived back

in the Civil War days.

- I know that.

That's just what I said.

- Well, you're a very bright little boy.

- I admit it.

- You look to me like a little man

who should really get a head.

- Thank you.

- The one you're using now is cracked.

- Look, in the first place, I don't get the connection.

What does wrestling got to do with basketball?

- I asked Ricky, Pop.

Every time they called a foul on him in the game yesterday,

he'd start wrestling the guy. - Naturally.

If they're going to call a foul on me,

I want to get my money's worth.

- Well, that's no way to do it, Rick.

You're supposed to play according to the rules.

- You know what he did in the game yesterday, Pop?

- That's it. Tell him all about it.

- He bit a guy in the leg.

- It was accidental.

- In the first place, Ricky, how can you accidentally--

never mind.

- If you're small, you got to be tough.

- Well, I know, but you've got to play according to the rules,

no matter how small you are.

- Is that a foul, biting a guy on the leg?

- Well, of course it's a foul.

- How about the arm?

- You're not allowed to bite a guy any place.

It may not be in the rule books, but it

comes under the heading of "unsportsmanlike conduct."

- You used to play basketball, didn't you, Pop?

- Well, yeah, I used to play a little in high school.

- What about that bet we had, David?

- Oh, yeah, Pop.

What's the most points you ever scored in one game?

I said 50.

- 50 points?

- I'll bet you, David. - Oh, no no, no.

Now, wait a second.

That isn't fair.

I mean, 50 points is an awful lot

for one guy to score in a game.

- OK, 40. - It's a bet.

- Hold on.

Uh, wait a second.

Even 40 points is an awful lot.

- OK, 30.

- OK.

- Oh, now wait a minute.

Uh, even 30 points is-- you see, in those days,

it was more of a defensive game.

I mean, you used to guard a man very carefully.

- Having a little trouble, dear?

- Oh, hi.

Our small son is trying to pin me down here.

- Pop was just settling a bet for us.

- In the first place, you can't bet

on a thing like that, David, because I

don't think I remember.

And in the second place, being the high-scorer

is not the most important thing.

- Oh, this is too complicated for me.

- Well, what is the most important thing, Pop?

- The most important thing is to play the game hard and play it

fair and do the best you can.

- Yeah, but suppose the other guys are bigger.

- Well, then that just presents a bigger challenge.

When you've got a tough assignment to tackle,

you just meet the challenge head-on.

You summon all your determination and your courage

and you say to yourself, "I'm not

going to choke up in a pinch.

I'm going to see this thing through."

- You sure are a good talker, Pop.

- Well, thanks a lot.

You guys get the point I'm trying to make, don't you?

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

- Company dismissed.

I think I'll go downtown.

I'll see you later.

- Say, as long as you're going downtown,

you wouldn't want to do me a favor, would you?

No, I guess you wouldn't.

- Wait a minute.

You ask me to do you a favor and then

don't even give me a chance to turn you down.

- Well, I bought a couple of things

at Nancy's, and they weren't quite right,

and I thought perhaps you could exchange them for me.

- Oh, sure. I'll be glad to.

- No, maybe I'd better do it myself.

- Don't be so-- why shouldn't I?

- Well, it's just that I bought them,

and it might be a little trouble for you to exchange them.

- Oh, don't be silly.

- Pop accepts the challenge, don't you, Pop?

- Well, of course I do.

I'll be glad to exchange them for you.

- Well, OK.

But if you get down there and you decide to back out,

I'll understand. - Are you kidding?

Pop never chokes up.

- Wait a minute.

Uh, why should I back out?

- Well, it's just it might be a little

embarrassing for some men to go into the ladies department

and exchange lingerie.

- Lingerie?

- That doesn't scare Pop.

He's plenty tough, boy.

- Look, Ricky, why don't you run along and play basketball,

or bite somebody in the leg or something, huh?

[music playing]

Oh.

Very nice.

Oh, yes, that's very nice.

Thank you.

- May I help you, sir?

- Uh, yes, I'd like to exchange these two nightgowns, please.

- Yes, of course.

Won't you step right this way?

- Oh, sure.

Oh.

Oh, yes, that's very nice.

It's very nice.

Everybody certainly is friendly here.

- Why, thank you.

Now, just what was wrong with the nightgown?

- Well, gee, I--

it was either the wrong size or the wrong, uh, color.

Uh, may I see them in a different color, please?

- Oh, yes, of course.

Now, here's a very lovely black sheer.

- Oh, uh, well, this is from my wife.

Honestly.

Black sheer is very nice, but I think it's--

Well, we've been married quite a while.

Our oldest boy is 17.

I have--

- Oh, isn't that nice?

- I usually have his picture.

Uh, perhaps I could see this in maybe a pink, or a blue,

or something.

- Oh, yes, of course.

Wait just one moment. - OK.

- Sure.

- [whistles]

[clears throat]

- Do you have these in a larger size?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not one of the, uh, clerks.

I'm waiting, uh-- the sales girls.

Oh.

Oh, well, yes, that's very nice.

Oh, I-- I'm just waiting.

The girl was going to exchange something.

Uh.

- I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

- Oh, that's perfectly all right.

- Now here's something that she might like.

This has a little lace on it.

It comes in robin's egg blue and dawn pink.

- Oh, yes, that looks very nice.

- And the size?

- Oh, uh, gee, I don't think I know her size.

- Well, all of these things are my size.

Do you think she might be my size or close to it?

- Well, uh, she's about, uh--

well, maybe not quite so in the, um, uh-- well, it's, uh,

speaking roughly--

I mean, roughly--

I would say about your size.

- Well, if you're not sure, why don't I just--

- Oh, no, no.

Uh, it's not necessary to try it on.

- I was just going to hold it up.

- Oh, OK.

Oh, oh.

Say, that's very nice.

It's very becoming.

- All right.

And the color?

- Well, I think that, uh, pink is nice.

Very conservative.

Not that a nightgown should be conservative.

- Will there be anything else, sir?

- Uh, no.

I think I've had it, as the old saying goes.

You've been awfully nice.

I'm sorry to have been such a bother.

- Oh, not at all.

Quite the contrary.

I think you've done remarkably well.

You know, it takes most men all the courage

they have just to walk into a lingerie department.

- Oh, I really don't think it takes any courage.

- Oh, yes, it does.

- Well, if you say so.

I have a little confession to make.

I walked past the store three times

before I got up nerve enough to come in.

- Well, the main thing is that you finally mastered

the situation.

I think that showed great strength of character

and great determination.

- Oh.

- I think you ought to be congratulated.

- Oh, well, thank you.

I think I'll have that in the robin's egg blue' too.

- Good.

I'll go in the back to wrap this.

Just a moment. - Oh, thanks.

- Oh, hi!

You're back so soon?

- Hail, the conquering hero returns!

- How'd you make out?

- Oh, fine.

I hope everything meets with your approval.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I realized after you got it, I didn't tell you

what size to get.

- Oh, that's OK.

I think you'll like the selections.

- Well, it was a dirty trick to play on you.

- Oh, don't be silly.

- I know, but sending you into the ladies lingerie department.

- I found it very educational.

- Well, I thought later, I could have phoned you

and let you know just what I wanted.

- Oh, that's all right.

I'll admit, it was a little rugged at first,

but it just added to the challenge, so to speak.

It's all in the fight.

- Well, I think you were very brave.

- What's this about a fight, Pop?

- Oh, your father had a little struggle downtown,

but he came through with flying colors.

- No kidding.

Did you win? - Win what?

- Pop was downtown and he punched a guy in the nose.

- No, no.

- I told you he was tough, boy.

- Who was the guy, Pop? - No, no, no.

There's no guy. It was a girl.

- You had a fight with a girl?

- I bet he beat her up, too, boy.

- Now, wait a minute.

No, I just went downtown and stopped in at Nancy's.

It was all very agreeable.

- Like the kind of fights David and I have.

- No, look.

There was no fight at all.

You heard your mother ask me to exchange these things for her.

- And she exchanged punches instead?

- No, there were no punches exchanged,

and nothing of the sort.

I went down and talked to the sales girl,

and she was very charming.

- I bet there was some kind of a fight.

- Well, I did have sort of a struggle trying

to decide on the colors.

- Oh, boy. I knew it.

- Oh, I'm afraid you boys have a little different kind

of a fight in mind.

But I must say your father's a very courageous man.

- He sure is, boy.

- He sure is, boy.

- Uh, may I have word here?

- Sure, Pop.

- I sure am, boy.

[whistling]

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- That's what I like to see is a happy worker.

- Oh.

Oh, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?

- You're certainly in a mellow mood.

- Yeah, I must admit I'm sort of in tune with the world today.

- Yeah?

What happened?

- Well, I'm afraid this is liable to sound silly to you.

- Well, probably, but let's hear it anyway.

- Well, it concerns courage, Thorny, not in the form

that we usually think of it, but nevertheless courage.

See, I've always admired a man who

comes through under pressure, a man who shows determination

and fortitude, that good ol' "never say die" spirit.

- Oz, how did you find out about it?

- Find out about what? - Doggone it.

I told Will not to go bragging about me

all over the neighborhood.

- Uh, bragging about you?

What's this all about?

- Oh, well, from your conversation,

I thought you knew.

It happened last night at the Randolph's.

Joe has this nephew who fancies himself quite an athlete,

plays football, thinks he's quite a hotshot.

- Yeah, I know the boy.

What's he got to do with you?

- Well, all night long, he kept sounding off

about his football experiences.

So just to show him up a little, I

mentioned a few of my triumphs on the gridiron.

- I didn't know you played football.

- Well, certainly, Oz.

First string tackle for the Woodcraft Rangers.

Well, anyway, this young upstart finally bet me $0.50 that I

couldn't do 15 push-ups.

- Well, I'll take a little of that bet myself.

- Oh, now wait, Oz.

Now, I know I don't look like an Olympic champion.

- I'll drink to that.

- I'm not exactly a weakling either.

I'm still in pretty good condition.

Perhaps my muscles are a little elusive than they should be,

but-- - Go ahead.

Get on with the story.

- Well, anyway, he made the bet, and I finally

had to push up or shut up.

[laughs]

- Yes, yes, go ahead.

- You should have seen me.

I took off my coat, rolled up my sleeves, got down on the floor

and went at it.

And before I finished, I had done 20 push-ups.

- 20?

- That's right, 20.

And I could have done 20 more if Catherine hadn't stopped me.

- Oh, yes, sure, sure.

- What do you mean "sure"?

20 push-ups, I said.

20 push-ups is not easy.

- Well, I'd say it's about the average amount.

- Well, I suppose you can do 20 push-ups.

- Well, yes, I think I can.

- Well, OK, let me see you.

- You mean right here?

- Certainly right here. What are you trying to do?

Wiggle out of it? - No.

Uh, look, Thorny, or should I say Jack Armstrong?

- Oh, never mind the sarcasm.

I wouldn't have even mentioned the incident

unless you wormed it out of me.

- Wormed it out of you?

All I did was mention courage, which happens to apply to me.

- You? - Yes, me.

- Oh, now what great monumental feat have you've

accomplished lately?

- Uh, Thorny, it may interest you

to know that courage doesn't necessarily

involve physical prowess.

It has nothing to do with strength.

- Yes, yes?

OK, what's this thing you did?

- Well, I--

I went-- it's rather difficult to explain.

Let's put it this way.

Uh, there are various kinds of courage.

There's physical courage, yes.

There's mental courage, and then there's

a certain type of courage that doesn't fall

into any specific category.

- Yes, that's cowardly courage.

- Yes-- oh, no, no, no.

For goodness sakes, Thorny.

What I mean is that my kind of courage, as exempli--

look, there are things a man is supposed to do

and there are things a man is not supposed to do.

Now, when a man does something he's supposed to do,

that isn't necessarily courage.

But when a man does something he's not supposed to do,

then that's--

that's really something.

- Oh, I get it.

You did something you weren't supposed to do,

Harriet got mad, you had a fight, and you won.

- No, no, I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to do.

I did something I wasn't--

look, uh, let's just forget this whole thing, shall we?

- Well, that won't be hard to do.

- What do you mean by that?

- Just exactly what I said.

- Look, Thorny, there are some days when you just

don't make any sense at all.

- Ozzie?

- Oh, hi.

- Aren't you feeling well?

- Oh, yes, sure. Why?

- What's the matter?

Are you tired?

- Uh, no, no, not especially.

- What are you doing lying down on the floor?

- Uh, well, I just was going to see how many push-ups I can do.

- Push-ups?

What's the big idea?

- Well, there's no big idea.

I just want to see how many I can do.

I used to be able to do 30, as I recall.

- Oh, that was quite a while ago.

- Well, not so long ago.

I'm still in pretty good physical condition.

- Well, if you're trying to impress me,

dear, really, it isn't necessary.

- No, I'm not trying to impress anybody.

I just want to see how many push-ups I can do.

That Thornberry thinks he's some sort of a Superman

because he can do 20.

- Oh, so that's it.

- No, no, that has nothing to do with it.

I don't care how many he does.

The big windbag doesn't have to go bragging

all over the neighborhood about it.

- Oh, for goodness sakes, dear.

This is silly.

- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11--

- Ozzie?

- --12, 13, 14, 15--

- Ozzie!

Ozzie.

- OK, OK.

If it's going to worry you, I'll stop.

- For goodness sakes.

You're liable to hurt yourself.

- Oh, nonsense.

A little exercise can't hurt you.

- Then get up off the floor.

- I will in a minute.

- Here, you want me to help you?

- No, no, no, no, no.

Don't be silly, Harriet.

I can get up by myself.

I'm not a creaky old man.

How the heck did that Thornberry do 20 push-ups?

- Oh, forget about Thorny.

- Hi, Mom. Hiya, Pop.

- Hiya, Pop. - Hello, boys.

- Oh, hello. - What's the matter?

Your face is all red.

- Oh, I've just been doing a little exercising here.

Phew.

Ooh.

Oh, boy, this couch feels good.

- Hey, did you hear about Mr. Thornberry, Pop?

- What about him?

- He did 50 push-ups last night, at least that's what Will

Thornberry said.

- 50 push-ups?

- You believe that, Pop?

- Well, look, I hate to say this, fellas,

but I'm afraid Will is exaggerating.

50 push-ups is an awful lot.

- Well, how many push-ups could you do, Pop?

55?

- No, not quite that many.

- 45?

- Well, uh, you're getting closer.

- 35?

- Well, no.

- Five?

- Anybody can do five push-ups. Look, I happen to know that Mr.

Thornberry only did 20.

He told me so himself.

- How about Will?

And Will said he did 50.

- Heck, anybody can do 20 push-ups.

- I can do 20.

- Oh, so can I, easily.

How many can you do, Pop?

- When I was in college, I could do 30 or 35.

- Yeah, but how many can you do now?

- You can do 20, can't you?

- Probably, if the wind is behind me.

I'm sure of this much.

I can do 15.

- Oh, well, heck.

Mr. Thornberry can do--

- Yeah, yeah, Mr. Thornberry, Mr. Thornberry.

I've heard all about Mr Thornberry.

After all, brute strength isn't everything, you know.

- Are you mad at Mr. Thornberry, Pop?

- No, I'm not mad at him.

I must admit I get irritated with the man once in a while.

Does 20 push-ups and acts as if we ought to strike off

a medal in his behalf.

- Well, a man doesn't have to have brute strength in order

to do courageous things.

Just think of what your father did today.

Now, there's something that takes

a much higher type of courage.

- Oh, Harriet, I mean buying a couple of night gowns

wasn't much. - Oh, no?

Well, I don't know many men who'd

have the courage to do it.

Now there's something you boys can

tell the other fellows about.

Brag about your father.

- Oh, sure, Mom.

- Why don't we just make it our secret?

- You see, Harriet?

They don't brag about a thing like that.

- Oh, that's swell of you, Pop.

- Yeah, real neat, boy.

- Oh, don't try to kid me, fellas.

I know it wasn't very much.

[door knocking]

- Oh, there's Thorny.

- I suppose he's come over here to do some push-ups for us.

- Hi, Harriet, David, Ricky.

- Hi, Thorny.

- Hi, Mr. Thornberry.

- Hiya, Muscles.

- Listen, Oz, I'm a little peeved at you.

- You're peeved at me? What for?

- The way you let me ramble on this afternoon about my silly

push-ups. Well, that was nothing compared to what you did today.

- You must be kidding.

- Certainly not, Oz.

Catherine heard about it from Harriet.

Why, you're practically a neighborhood hero

among the women.

- Hey!

- How about that?

- This is interesting news.

Come on in here and warm yourself by the fire

and tell me all about it.

- Oz, I don't know how you do it.

It's a lot more courage than I've got.

Like I say, those 30 push-ups of mine were nothing.

- Well, uh, 30 push-ups?

- Well, maybe it was only 25.

Anyway, what you did--

- Now, now, wait a minute.

How many push-ups did you really do?

- Would you believe that I did 20?

- No.

- OK, I did 15, but I could have done a lot more.

- Well, then why didn't you?

- Because by the time I regained consciousness,

everybody was gone home.

- I kinda thought so.

- Still, Oz, what you did is really something outstanding.

What courage!

What determination!

- Frankly, I didn't have any idea

what caused all this commotion.

- Oh, I've got to hand it to you, Oz.

You sure come through in the pinches.

- Oh, thanks, Thorny.

It's really nothing.

- Oh, now, no false modesty.

You did something pretty magnificent.

Why don't you be proud of it?

- Well, OK, if you insist.

- Just one thing I want to ask you, though.

- Yeah?

- You were pretty nervous, weren't you?

- Oh, no, not especially.

I mean, there was nothing to be nervous about.

I just, uh, went in there with these things

that Harriet gave me.

And it was a very feminine type shop,

you know, with all the girls standing around.

And, well, I just said to myself, now here's a challenge.

Face this challenge with courage and determination.

- Really nothing?

Well, I bet you wouldn't care to do it again though, would you?

- Well, certainly I would.

There's nothing to it, as I said.

- OK.

That's all I wanted to know. Here you are.

- Hey, what's this?

- It's a little something Catherine wants exchanged.

She bought it in pink.

She wants it in blue.

- Oh, now wait a minute!

Come back here, you coward!

- Oh, Catherine Thornberry said to thank you so much.

The slip you exchanged for her was just perfect.

- Oh.

Oh, that's good.

- She said she thinks you're the bravest man she knows.

- Oh, don't be silly.

- In fact, all the women in the neighborhood

feel the same way about it.

- Oh, cut it out, Harriet.

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes, he is, Joe.

He's right here. - Hmm?

- It's Joe Randolph.

- Oh.

Hello, Joe?

Oh, you did, huh?

No, no, no, no.

Believe me, it wasn't anything.

What's that?

Get her a what?

Oh, oh, now, Joe.

Look, I couldn't-- well, yes, I know.

Well, all right.

Or I think they all hook in the back, don't they?

Yeah.

34B.

[ending theme]

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

The part of the sales lady was played by Gale Robbins.

The customer was June Sweeney.

This is Verne Smith speaking.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.